Very poignant, very sad, too true in so many instances.

This was a great story. Saddening, yet inspiring. Sarah really made a difference in Mike's life, and that's all that matters.

However, one or twice as I read, you switched tenses. Like on page 9 you have the word "was" instead of "were". It made me stop momentarily to see if I'd missed anything. So be careful that. And remember, when you go back over your work to edit it, read it aloud, this helps you catch tense mess-ups and word repeats. You need to be aware of punctuation as well. In some spots in your writing you forget the correct punctuation. So again, when you edit, watch out for that too.

Also, on the first page, you have a sentence that is missing a word:

"After taking his order and walking away, Mike couldn't take his eyes Sarah."

I think there should be the word "off" after the word "eyes" and "Sarah". Also, the next sentence is missing a comma.

But the story itself is sweet. I can see that innocent girl's sadness over a lost love. And this piece is also sobering, as it's the story of many soldiers, though not all have someone to give them hope while they still live.

This was well done :)

Greta job!
Keep writing!

---RbG