ya it was ok but you should work on spelling other than that all you could have done was make it abit longer i think you arw a great writer
Are you a five year old? Cuz you wright like one!
THAT WAS HORRIBLE YOU NEED TO PRACTICE WRITING
This is a very cheap version of the vampire diaries. You even use the name Damon. You could write good books if you didn't copy.
I like the idea of your story and if you extended it and add more descriptions as others have mentioned I think it could be excellent.
good but you need to put more drama and suspense in it. also You need detail more detail. but all in all good story