Trevors62, thank you so much for your candor!!! That's exactly the kind of feedback that I was hoping to get!! One of the things that I think I don't get across very well is that the main character has the opportunity to change her fate at each step of the story but chooses to deny everything each time. I don't want to give that message of the story away so much but I'd really like to figure out a way to maybe demonstrate her lack of real remorse? Does that even make sense?:)

I've just found this, so please forgive me for commenting so long after everyone else has.

Unlike most folks who commented, my impression of this book is that it is a sermon, served up as a book. The point about how bad we are, was made early in the story, but was belaboured, like a sermon. I think the basic premise is a good one, it would be fascinating to talk to someone who has undergone the judgement of God, but I still feel as if I have been to a sermon. Val has already mentioned the shifting of tenses, so I won't harp on that aspect of the writing.

The reason Coleen's story is so good, is not because I believe in its fire and brimstone ending. I don't have to; it's f i c t i o n.
It is so good because it reveals the stark contrast between good, and not good enough.
Having the drastic ending is emphasis on the point: live better. love more. judge less. do good. OR perhaps your life will end up having meant nothing (just like all memories of her life are stripped from her; rendering her own life and loved ones meaningless)

Thank you so very much!!!! Please help me spread this story to anyone you think might be interested. I am BRAND NEW to the literary world and just can't tell you all how much your advice and guidance has helped!! I am so glad we found Bookrix:)
Coleen

Excellent!
Many before me have already said what I think.
The lesson learnt here is beyond value.
My views of heaven and hell are different, but your story surely made its point clearly.
Matthew 25:34-40
Laz

I certainly enjoyed this story, it was well written and, as everyone else has said, thought provoking. Had me putting a mirror up to my own life. I love the contrasts you make between heaven and its counterpart, scary. That, to me, makes this a wonderful story.

Thank you so very much for your comments!!!! I just loved reading how you navigated through the mind process of behind the scenes!!! Thank you!!!!
Thank you too about the reminder for tenses. I do an AWFUL job at that and I never would have thought it would be such a hard habit to break. I will definitely keep working on it!! Thank you so much!!!
Please forward the book to anyone at all that you think might enjoy it or benefit from it!! We are just puting the finishing touches on a narrative video of the book and I'm so excited about that!! I hope you don't mind if I contact you to get your thoughts on it:)
Thank you again and please, please, stay in touch!! I'm still learning the Bookrix site so I'm kinda slow at most things:)
Thanks!!
Coleen

Or Wow! THAT'S quite a tale. I'll begin by saying the writing is better than good, it's very good!
Talk about Hellfire and Damnation, though! Let's not get into interpretation of the bible, lol. But seriously, in the Christian tradition, WHAT was accomplished at Golgotha? What DO the New Testament scriptures say about the final judgement and our only hope...all of us having sinned and fallen short of the glory of God?
Even so, the soul's "missed", "blown" opportunities was effective. Very true to character. Archetypal, in fact. I personally believe that if there is indeed a God, He sends angels disguised as down-and-outers, etc., people we secretly dismiss as less-than, in order to give us an opportunity to practice the commands of the Sermon on the Mount!
As I read this short story I thought of Lewis' "The Great Divorce" :) I kind of hold that point of view concerning the bus trip to the outskirts of heaven. But enough.

Good, good job. Like Val said, do check the tense shifting. Surely in remembrances, past is correct (or past-perfect). I would prefer seeing the story in present, as you narrated in the second paragraph.
Your scene-painting, I must add, is marvelous. I could see and feel everything...as you wanted me to.

Thank you so much!!! That's exactly what I was hoping is that it would make the reader take honest stock of their life. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words!!!!!!! Coleen

Thank you so much for your comments!!! You are exactly right on the tenses - it drives my editor crazy:) I will work harder on that!!
Thank you also for sharing your thoughts - I appreciate it so very much!!!
I definitely agree that God is merciful and that He continues to send his messages. What I'm hoping people take as the GOOD news of the story is that God loves us enough to give all of us one more day to do as He has asked.
At the same time though, too many of us (and I definitely include myself), lie to ourselves. The political correctness of confession perhaps:) The people in the world who justify hurting someone else because they had a legal right to do it or because they didn't get caught, those are the people that I hope see the other side of the story. That being, God forgives us for the things we're sorry for doing. If we go to our judgment day believing that God didn't notice the lies we were able to get by with in life, we will be going unprepared.
An example might be a person who is caught stealing. They may agree that they took something without paying for it but would they agree that they can now be called a thief? Or someone who lies all the time but is offended at being called a liar.
I don't believe that God judges any of us for the things we didn't know we did wrong. We are all human and can't help but make mistakes every day - thought, word and deed right:)
There is an old saying that I just love, "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions." I am hoping this story makes a few people flip that around and understand that God knows our intentions and THAT is what we're judged on.
I am thinking of creating a seminar around the story - kind of the "rest" of the story so to speak:) I would LOVE to continue talking with you about your opinions because it is a GREAT help in figuring all of the things out. If you have time and would care to share more of your feelings I would appreciate it very very much!! Thank you, THANK YOU!!!! Coleen