Good grief! That was one horrific story. If the creator you believe in is one of love and compassion, what you describe would never occur since he is a forgiving God.

He created us as imperfect human beings, capable of making mistakes and also capable of learning from those mistakes.

Personally, I thought you wrote it well, but the story dismayed me because I don't believe in my heart and soul that anything like that would or could ever happen.

Still, it is YOUR story, so I have no business commenting on it. LOL.

On another note, watch your tenses. You start in the present and then fluctuate back and forth. Keep tenses consistent.

Good job.

This sure makes one stop and take stock of their life. The worst horror story you can write, I think. Well done.

Thanks for sharing, Coleen.