The poems had a sweet tone and almost a sober feeling to them. Well done :)
And since you're entering this into a competition, I'd like to give you a few bits of advice, if you don't mind:
The poem Why was a bit alarming to me, as I was disturbed at the violence of the act committed. At first when you said :
"
It's not my fault I had to slice
you up and
throw you in the bag.
"
I assumed it was a metaphor of some type. Is it? When... mehr anzeigen
The poems had a sweet tone and almost a sober feeling to them. Well done :)
And since you're entering this into a competition, I'd like to give you a few bits of advice, if you don't mind:
The poem Why was a bit alarming to me, as I was disturbed at the violence of the act committed. At first when you said :
"
It's not my fault I had to slice
you up and
throw you in the bag.
"
I assumed it was a metaphor of some type. Is it? When you say that you dumped the body in the backyard like all the others, is a metaphor for simply forgetting the person that hurt you?
In The Rising Sun, it seems you misspelled the word "we are not", as the word "weren't" doesn't seem to fit. Or did you accidentally leave out a word in that line?
And I don't know if you do it on purpose, but in some poems, you left out punctuation, so some of the lines were a bit jumbled up.
But overall, it was an interestingly sweet collection of poems. I think you did a great job :)
Good job!
Keep writing!
---RbG
