the story needed more depth to me. i mean it just jumps right into the occuring events which steals the essence of scary. it was more like an unfinshed chain e-mail to me.
awsome but incredibly scary i cant wait till part 2
U keep writing and don't listen to negative comments I loved it and I'm so TEAM EDWARD to so word up to that
The font is bad for reading.
You use pronouns too much. Enough with the "She did this" and the "She did that"
Indent with each new paragraph, please. And that includes whenever someone speaks.
You said it was going to be scary, but it wasn't.
You jumped into the main thing to fast.
Slow it down, add more description, change the font, remove some pronouns, indent and make it scary, and then I'll probably like it. The plot was... mehr anzeigen
Really good book, can't wait to read a second one of this! Keep writing, dude!
