Hey mate keep on writing good story. Would like to see more!

Thanks so much for the comments, and picking up on the details ,-)

LOve the ending! Can relate to it 100%

Hi Ben,

I thought this was a great idea for a short story, with the denouement being the last two lines and given in a surprise twist.

I think you were able to use a range of tools (dialogue, description and action) to portray character.

I liked the use of metaphor at the beginning and I thought your turtle simile was unique.

Good luck.

Well written and the twist of the end makes it challenging. Gd luck. Voted.

That was a great story! Love the twist at the end!

Now I can just imagine the conversation that would follow.

Thanks for the great feedback!

Frank, ernest and cliffs' hanger. An enthralling, believable short and perhaps a modern day fabel.

Aha, well I like to leave it on a cliffhanger! It was always meant as a short, but a few people have asked about what happens next. I shall have to think... Thanks for reading!