Betty,

this is a wonderful story with all the elements one wishes to find in a story he reads. There were a couple of things you should take a look at, maybe make some minor changes:

I've been told, rightly or wrongly, about the use of 'filler' words. These are words which aren't needed in a sentence, but add to your word count. A few of these words include but aren't limited to: (and, but, the, that, plus many similar words)

Keeping that thought in mind, perhaps you should put each story through your word 'search and find' program. Search for 'that' and each time it is pulled up, read the sentence to see if you really need the word for the sentence. Wherever the sentence reads complete without it...it isn't needed, so, delete it. Do the same with the other words. YOu'll find the story has been 'tightened' up and reads far more smoothly. This tactic really improves the story.

Along a different path, I noticed at the beginning there were few contractions, but as the story continued, the contractions began increasing. For me, contractions work best, others might not like them, however, you should choose one or the other direction and be consistent throughout.

The story is delicious from start to finish and thoroughly enjoyable. Great work and you can take or leave the points I made above, your choice.

Terrific writing, my friend.

Reggie

I have read your book and voted for it enthusiatically.

That was certainly a twist at the end - I do think at times the younger crowd do indeed see love or sexuality being only for the young. Going to be a shocker when they get there [age]..vote and saved.

Dear Miss.agboola,
Thanks for commenting so kindly on my story.I look forward to reading more of your work soon.
Good luck
Betty

Dear Eva,
Thank you for responding so positively. Re.Granny: 'Still waters run deep!':-)
All the best
Betty

I definitely didn't expect that development of the Granny character. Takes the reader out of the realm of the expected solutions. The family dynamics lead you to still feel connected to the Granny.

I enjoyed reading your story.The unexpected outcome made it a special one. Best of luck!

That's one of the best things about writing; you can think up any kind of situation and play with the consequences! Thank you for telling me about your book; I'm off to read it now.

I seriously did notexpect that, was expecting her to be kidnapped, but all the same, brillinat the fear of the unknown and then the most unexpected outcome makes it so much more enjoyable.

You have my vote.

I am new to this and have wrote a collection of poems, winter and beyond if you get a chance will you read them and let me know what you think. thanks

xoxo

This was a very well written story. I did not expect the outcome. You did your job very well. You got across the message of the problem of a heartless mother that 'beat-up' HER mother by taking advantage and using her son as a tool to do this. Your splashes of humor set the stage and the twist of seriousness made your story../joeparente>>Star!!!