amazig story xxx

Hi it is an interesting story for Halloween. Where your story breaks is having no line early on where once the reader has crossed that imagined line he must read on.You must be able to make people suspend their disbelief. And that is where writing comes into its own world of propaganda.
I've created notes (Killer Serial-Writing) which can apply to any story or work of fiction. You might find it of some use to read.I too have a Halloween story but with the feature on an Irish detective Mike O'Leary. I'll say no more.
Best wishes
Cleveland