You need to take all the useful advice and suggested corrections to improve on your writing skill. It is not enough to have only a good story line, you also need to master your MA (Mechanical Accuracy) to be regarded as a skillful writer.

Constructive criticism refines our blunt edges and redefines us. Take a cue and work on your MA. Nice plot, though.

It's good to see you here again. I gave you a vote. I believe you deserve one for participating and writing a tale.

There are a few suggestions I wanted to share.

1) proofread your work- means checking for misspelled words and the misusage of words. I found you use 'threw' which should be 'through' and there were many more mistakes.

2)use commas- commas are necessary to give the reader a pause and the effect it needs. In a dialogue a comma is always placed after or before a name.

Example:

A no-no "James get me that sponge!"

A proper one "James, get me that sponge!"

Remember when talking you make a pause, or you would be rambling all the time. Try to keep it natural and normal.

3) Work on your layout- You have your work all cramped together. Give it the space it needs. You can drop by my work and get an example of what I mean.

Keep writing! The future of your work depends solely on you. ;-)

Stop by my piece. I hope you like it.

http://www.bookrix.com/_title-en-cav-laster-sailing-through-time

CAV LASTER

Your Story is very nice, well done!

This was a gripping and engaging story from beginning to end - I couldn't stop reading it! I enjoy your writing style - you write so well for an author of your age and I know that you will continue to progress and evolve into a force to be wreckened with in this industry :) God Bless,
Tyrone

Angel,

The story line is good. However, you still need to work on your grammar.

QS

Without trying, we can not succeed. Good luck.

und verstanden - aber ich kommentiere lieber in meiner Muttersprache.
Die story ist außerordentlich spannend entwickelt, von der Beschreibung des Vaters, der da zu besuchen ist bis hin zur beeindruckenden Zeichnung des Bildes der Mutter, die ihre beiden Jungs zum Ex schickt, obwohl er damals der Säufer und Schläger war. Der Held des Buches James nahm die Vaterrolle für den jüngeren Bruder Eric an und trifft im Flieger Sarah eine Zufallsbekannte. Was dann abläuft, mag in der Realität so geschehen. Larrys Brutalität scheint fast etwas überzeichnet und sein Motiv der Tat wird am Ende aufgelöst. Sehr gut hat mir die Schilderung des Verhaltens der geschockten Passagiere gefallen.
Ich wünsch dir Erfolg im Wettbewerb.
LG Johnny

i like it :)

Thank you for participating in our short story writing contest "Travel Stories".

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