As others have said your grammar and word choices need some work. You have a raw talent for writing and you just need to keep working on that.

Try some more short stories, with different subject matter. Have someone give you a sentence and make up a story about it. This will help with your perspective.

Good work and a story worth reading, I only wish more kids your age would put their thoughts down on paper.

If you haven't begun to write a daily journal...do so. Keep your thoughts recorded on paper, it will help you in life to reflect where you were at this stage of your journey.

Thank you for inviting me to read your story.

Best of luck to you...

QS

I was intrigued by your story. Seemed like from the heart. Grammar needs some work on, but you have a natural ability to tell a tale that keeps a person's interest. Thanks for inviting me to read your story. I look forward to reading more from you. I voted for you and wish you luck.

I like how you portray how the decision of hanging with the wrong crowd in high school, can lead to deadly consequences. I like how you took the time to write up a story that can help a young one meditate on the importance of avoiding the wrong choices in life. Sadly, your grammatical and technical writing skills need more work. But I'm giving you a vote for writing a piece from the heart, which I value a lot. If you want tips on how to better your writing, message me and I'll give you a hand by giving you a free in-depth review. =-) Keep writing. You have a natural ability to tell a tale, you just need a hand in what I mentioned. I've been there, done that. But with help I got better, and I'm offering the chance to you too. Remember some of us may have the gift of a story teller, but a writer is not born, but made. The future of your writing depends solely on you.

Thanks for the invitation to read your story. I liked it.

That was a deep and familiar story. High School can be tough and it's hard to fit in - sometimes we mistake kindness for friendship wheares it's usually something else that can lead you in the wrong direction. This reminded me of my High School days and the fact that you usually have about 5 minutes to make a decision and the rest of your life to live with the consequences of that decision.

Well done and a story that I hope is the first of many more!

God Bless,

Tyrone