you obviously have talent and i really enjoyed this story. i've read some of your work already (and liked it) but now i guess i'd better read it all! :)
You did an excellent job of giving me the character's thoughts and keeping the plot moving. I never once felt bored or like the story just kept droning on and on and on...
However, I do think the language was a bit strong at points.
But that aside, at the end, I was wondering... what happened to Chino? You've got a talent, and you're really using it! I can tell you've been working hard and polishing your natural talent. You've... mehr anzeigen
The way you wove this story together is brilliant. You might be a master at suspense!
Where is Chino? Yes, I loved this. The suspense was great, you caught me with the friendship and held me with the mystery. Nicely mixed too, to have me coming back to find out more. Great job!
I like this story just as it is. I wouldn't turn away from a continuation, but I like the way it ends. It's a reflection of reality...sometimes you are just left wandering and wondering. This is very powerful and moving.
I noticed a few missing punctuations that would have made a few passages more readable and some awkward word usage. The 1984 reference was a little vague. The inconsistent spelling and use of 'boss' through... mehr anzeigen
Please tell me this is not the end! I need more....
What happened to Chino? Write more, please.
Amusing! Not only have I been introduced to just a dose of Japanese culture, but I've been taken on a journey across the city - through a time of excitement and general worry for Chino. Your use of language is stunning! I should hope more answers will be found...
I wish you luck in the contest! 8D
So familiar:) Once again, so New York City earthy, and that makes this excellent story reach high. You have created something special, Angely. It speaks to all ages and both genders. So good. 10 stars:)
Patrick