This is a wonderful little story, Ama, and I particularly liked how you accomplished the narration, especially the dialogue in italics with her father and the fairy.
On page 21, the end of the chapter, the last sentence, "And the flowers were the one who wept with the girl." is beautiful; very well-placed! I think with just a teeney bit of editing you have a publishable short! Congratulations!
Ok, just to start off, the first paragraph, try using different words or sentence structure becuase you used She as the beginning word of every sentence.
Other than that, again watch the repetative beginning words. But other than that, this was a very well written story. it was interesting and a good read.
Well done. :)
Hugs!!! Hanna
Sweet little story, good plot so far and also the dialogue is also very good. There are a few spelling errors but not anything really major. Still, you might want to go back and fix those. Otherwise, I think you have a promising beginning here, hope it continues!! By the way, I love LOVE the fantasy genre. It is by far my favorite genre to read and write about. I noticed the cover has been changed too. Just mentioned it... mehr anzeigen
Ama, this is truly delightful...my kind of story. I've written about fairies and elves a few times. Also my favorite subject is fantasy. You did well...hope you continue. I wish to hear more of Niki.
Laz
I liked it. A little confusing, but still very original. And different. Very descriptive. Good work!