Wichtiger Beitrag
Your story kept my attention, a real thriller and I had no idea where it was going. Loved the twist at the end.
- Permalink
- Kommentieren
- Kommentare sind geschlossen
Your story kept my attention, a real thriller and I had no idea where it was going. Loved the twist at the end.
Chilling, suspenseful, and incredibly well written. I like your transitions between sections- they are flawless. Way to go!!
Just to my liking!!! I just love murder mysteries that turn out like this. Amazing!!
never to get on the author's bad side. This was totally chilling to the core with a really nice twisted ending. Four minutes was worth every second. Thanks John for another fantastic piece of writing.
This was a writing exercise? My gosh, John, this was amazing. Who cares about cuss words? They fit the piece perfectly. It is obvious you have worked in law enforcement and that you have some insight into the mind of killers.
I sat in tense fascination throughout the whole story, having no idea where it was going. A surprise ending, even with her smile not being quite right. It did not clue me in at all.
I think it is time for... mehr anzeigen
It was a little over the planned length for the oxygen story, but it wouldn't have been the same if you cut it down. I liked the emotions it stirred in me, and the ending seemed to bring a perfect justice.
There are only two things I have to comment on. First, I'm not too fond of cuss words in writing and you used quite a few, so maybe cut it down. Second, I think you should take out the sentence that says 'there was... mehr anzeigen
Though at first I was uncomfortable, I just knew that this story would be another winner from John C. Laird. I was proven right as i was taken from a gruesome murder to the most awesome payback I've read! Very cool theme with the four minutes.
Like all your other books, marvellously written. How on earth you're still unpublished, is beyond me. Or you are published but are not saying. Maybe you're Stephen King, under cover. Love your books, add more.
your plowing through a story three times the length that the WIST exercise stipulated. I'm not sure how I would have lopped off two thirds of it and salvaged its impact.
I'll give you one out of two (maybe). On the cussing: I don't use profanity in my personal life, and I've... mehr anzeigen
your plowing through a story three times the length that the WIST exercise stipulated. I'm not sure how I would have lopped off two thirds of it and salvaged its impact.
I'll give you one out of two (maybe). On the cussing: I don't use profanity in my personal life, and I've never used it in a story I've written, until this one. I do not like profanity either, but Norman was a brutal, sadistic serial killer. In reality, a vile person such as this would have talked even more obscenely. The language was used to reflect and underscore exactly what kind of despicable person he was.
I'm giving some thought to your suggestion of dropping "But there was something wrong with her smile." I meant it to be the first big hint to the reader (and Norman) that the woman might not really be the next victim, that maybe she was going to be a big problem for Norman.
But the line might not really be necessary, since it was the last sentence of scene 2, and scene 3 starts right off with Norman being in big trouble anyway.