Till The End
‘A Story Of Forgiveness, Lose and Truth’
By: zzmbrashear


CHAPTER 1

“How could you?!??” I said slamming my books on the lunch table.
“What do you mean?” She said looking confused.
“You know exactly what I mean. I saw you two!” And as soon as I said that a look of revelation on her face. She didn’t say anything. She sat down at our table and looked at him.
“We didn’t want to hurt you. We were going to tell you but it wasn’t the right time. You weren’t suppose to find out this way.” She said with regret written all over her face.
“When would be the right time for you to tell me that you are cheating with my boyfriend?” I asked. I felt so hurt. This had been going on for lord knows how long and I didn’t catch on. Lindsey kept looking over at Matthew. He knew exactly what we were talking about. She didn’t answer when I asked her that. I was embarrassed for my out break because we were in the middle of lunch. “How long has this been going on?” I asked but didn’t really want to know the answer.
“Just a couple months.” She said looking up at my face. “It all started when you went out of town to see your sick Grandma. He needed a study partner and then it turned into more. I am so sorry Alexis.” Lindsey said but I could never think of forgiving her. Not now. The next few days I missed school. I kept telling my mom that I didn’t feel good and she believed me but I couldn’t go to school and see them. Together....
Today is the first day in a week since I have been to school. I saw them in the hallway. He was giving her a kiss before they went to science. I have every class with him. How can I look at him the same way. He betrayed me. They betrayed me.
“Alexis! Please talk to me.” Lindsey said screaming my name down the hallway. I didn’t answer her. I couldn’t answer her. Not after what she did. Everyday when she asked me how I was and what I was doing I would always say I am doing great and I couldn’t be more happy. She knew how I felt. I thought he felt it too.
“Alexis don’t blame her.” Matthew said to me in English.
“Who am I suppose to blame? I gave her your number. How is that suppose to make me feel? I thought I could trust you.” I said and I hurt me to because I feel so much for him.
“You can but you and me, we never last. I know you will be there for me no matter what.” Matthew said and it was true until the say he cheated.
“I was always there for you but not now. You took your last chance and you wasted it on her!” I said moving his books to a different desk away from mine. During English he kept texting me but I kept erasing his number. I want nothing to do with him. He wanted to be friends but we couldn’t. When I would see him I would see him to and that would be too painful. They want me to forgive them but how can I? I have always put him first and now that he is gone I need to put myself first.
“So what happened?” Beth, Alexis’ friend, said.
“He was cheating on me with her.” I said while grabbing us sodas from my fridge.
“Are you serious?” She said and I nodded my head. “Wow. Why would he want her?”
“I don’t know.” I said and honestly I really didn’t know. The only thing I could think of is that everybody thought she was a slut and she was.
“What did you do when you saw them together?” Beth asked but I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t say I cried. I just couldn’t. If she ask I am totally over him and that is what I am going to say.
“I didn’t do anything. I went and confronted her the next day but that is about it.” I said but she didn’t believe me and I could tell. I hated what they did to me and they know it.

CHAPTER 2

Beth walked to school with me the next day. When we got to first period I noticed Lindsey was not there. I assumed she was sick and I didn’t think anything of it until she didn’t show up for 4 days. I called her house and her father picked up.
“Hello?” He said.
“Hi. Can I speak to Lindsey?” I asked.
“Yes, hold on one second.” I head him scream ‘Linsey” in the background.
“Hello.” She said once she reached the phone.
“Hi. I know this is going to sound weird but why haven’t been in school?”
“Uh..” She hesitated for a second. “ Their is some stuff going on and I need to stay home for a while.” I didn’t ask any further questions because I knew she wasn’t going to tell me anything. She stayed home from school for about a month in a half. I was getting suspicious so I went to her house to see what was going on. She has a old double wide. It is blue with a deck and there is two bikes in the driveway. When I knocked on the door Lindsey opened it and I almost fainted.
“When were you going to tell me about.. About this!” I said pointing to her stomach.
“I didn’t think it was any of your business really.” She said trying to shut the door but I put my foot in the way.
“I have one question. Is it his?”
“Yes.” She said looking at her feet. I didn’t say anything further after that. I couldn’t believe it. She is only 15. Her life was not even started.
“Your only 15 Lindsey. What the hell were you thinking?” I asked. I was furious.
“I don’t know. It wasn’t planned okay. It just happened.” She said and that answer made me even more furious.
“So him getting in your pants just happened right. It wasn’t planned just your pants were off at the same time. Right!” I started to yell.
“Okay, okay stop yelling. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She said. She kept repeating the same words over and over again. She started to cry. “I didn’t want this to happen. I am only 15. I’m so young and immature. Alexis please help me. Please.”
“Lindsey, you started this and now you have to finish it. You are going to have this baby and you are going to go to school. You are going to make Matt be a father too.” I said and she agreed. The next day I went and picked her up and we walked to school together. Everybody was staring at her because she is around 2-3 months in. Matthew went up to her and apparently he didn’t know anything about it.
“It it mine?” He asked.
“Yes.” Lindsey said.
“God damn Linds! Why the hell didn’t you tell me? I have a right to know.” He said.
“I know and I’m sorry.” but I stopped her before she finished her sentence.
“Don’t be sorry. If he wanted to know what was wrong with you he could have gone to your house like I did and see. But he didn’t so that is his fault. Don’t make her feel sorry. She has nothing to feel sorry about. She is going to raise that baby and treat it right and that is something you could ‘never’ do.” I said to both of them and said never with a long v.
“I want to be part of his or hers life.” He said.
“I want it to know its father.” She said and then they hugged.

CHAPTER 3

The next day all three of us went to go see if it will be a girl or boy. When we got there Lindsey wouldn’t let go of my hand. Matthew was very nervous and I didn’t know why. The baby is a girl.
“I want her first name to be Sidney.” Lindsey said smiling at Matthew.
“Could her middle name be Elizabeth?” Matthew asked smiling back at Lindsey.
“Sidney Elizabeth Plaster. I like it.” She said squeezing his hand. “Do you want to hear the baby kick?” She asked him. He nodded and felt her stomach When he felt a kick he jumped and had a grin from ear to ear.
“Wow.” He said.
“Alright you two. We need to get to the YMA, Lindsey.” I said
“What is that?” Matthew asked.
“Its the Young Mothers Association. I signed us up for it. She will go to learn how to be a good mother.” I said.
“Could I come?” He asked.
“Okay but don’t say I didn’t warn you about what you might see.” I said smiling. I didn’t tell him it would show videos about other births to show how much it would hurt and a lot of other things. When we go there they started us off with a birthing video.
“Oh my god.” Matthew screamed. “These are things I have nightmares about.”
I started to laugh. Lindsey had a freaked out look on her face.
“Whats wrong?” I asked.
“I can’t believe I am going to be in this much pain when it happens.” The look on her face showed she was terrified. “When we were, well you know, I didn’t think that all that might happen. I didn’t think at all.” She asked. “Is there any other way it can come out?”
“No honey but don’t think of that okay. Just relax. Matthew get over here and comfort her I have to leave.” I said and then Matt came over and he was hugging her to calm her down. I had to leave because I had SAT’s to take. When I left I looked back at him holding her and couldn’t help but think what if or what could have been but its not and I cant hold that against her. I can’t make him love me and I cant think of the past because their is no changing it.
Today Lindsey came back to school. Everybody stared but she acted like she didn’t see them. She is a few months from her due date. “Will Lindsey Markus please come to Mrs. Kinnians office.” We heard the speaker say. Lindsey asked if I would come with her and I said yes. I stayed outside Mrs. Kinnians office while they talked but I could hear the conversation.
“I’m sorry Lindsey but you being here is putting a bad example to the others.” She said.
“Excuse me!” Lindsey said. “Are you telling me that they cant see me? So what, am I suppose to stay home like an animal. Am I suppose to be ashamed that I am carrying a baby inside of me because I’m not!” She said and then stormed out of there.
“Its okay Linds. We can get you into a pregnant school for young girls or we can just put you in a different district.” Maria Lindsey’s mother said.
“No. I don’t want to be the new girl. I don’t want to be the pregnant new girl.” Lindsey said as her voice trailed off.

CHAPTER 4

Lindsey didn’t want to go to school until after the baby was born but that would be sooner than she hoped. One month before her due date she started to have contractions.
“I think you should go to the hospital.” I said while trying to hold her hand and plug my ears at the same time because her screaming was giving me a headache.
“Nooooooo.” She said screaming. “Its just contractions. This baby is not coming out of me until June.” She said while still screaming but I dragged her to the car anyway. I was waiting in the waiting room while she was getting checked out. When the doctor came out I could hear her screaming when he opened the door.
“Is she okay?” I asked before he was even out of the doorway.
“The contractions are so close that we will have to do a sea section.” That doctor said but I didn’t get how she needs one. She is one month away.
“But her due date is still a month away.” I said.
“We are not sure if the baby will be okay but we can hope for the best.” He said while getting up from the chair he was sitting in and starting to go back to her room. “I will keep you posted.” When he came out again he was taking his blue scrubs off because they were covered in blood. I sat down terrified of what he was going to say.
“The babies heart didn’t have a good pulse and when we tried to get it on the heart monitor she went into shock. We used the panels on her but nothing. She was so tiny to start with. She was immature. We are so sorry.” He said. Lindsey’s parents beside me started to cry. I started to get a few tears.
“Can I see her?” I asked while wiping my eyes.
“Yes.” He said while pointing to the door. When I went in to see her she un sleeping.
“Linds darling, wake up.” I said touching her shoulder.
“Where is she?” She said before her eyes were even open.
“They didn’t tell you?” I said. Then Matthew stood up.
“Tell us what?” He asked.
“She didn’t make it.” I said while holding her hand.
“What? How could she not make it.” She said while tearing up.
“Honey, the baby was immature and just wasn’t health.” I paused for a second.
“Are you okay?”
“But the doctor said she was healthy.” Matthew said.
“I know but that was before she was born early. Linds are you okay?” I asked but she didn’t answer. She turned towards her window and laid on her side. Matthew went and talked to me outside.
“Her house is full of baby stuff. Seeing it will kill her. The nursery, the play pin, the bottles. God, how could this have happened. Ya know she was so happy, we were so happy. I even go excited of putting her in little dresses and cow girl boots.” He said while getting weak knees and falling to the ground. He started to cry. “This wasn’t suppose to happen.”
“What was suppose to happen?” I said. “Were you suppose to grow old together and have grandchildren? Think about it. She is only 15. The doctors said the pregnancy would be risky because she is so young. This was to be expected.”
“If only I pulled out. We wouldn’t be in this mess. She would be in this mess.” And he was right. If they were more carful then they could still be teenagers and act like them and instead they are in a hospital crying over a child that was not suppose to be born. I went in to see Lindsey to make sure she was okay.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I was prepared. I knew this could happen. I love Matthew.” She said but then she stood up “I want to leave. This brings to many memories. To many bad memories. I want to go.”
“Okay. I will have Matthew bring around the car and bring you to your house.” I started to say but she cut me off.
“No! I can’t face my parents. I want to go to your house.” She said but that surprised me. If I were in her position then I wouldn’t want to see my parents either.


CHAPTER 5

After I stayed home from school for a week to stay with her I took her to the beach. We sat there at sun set with our feet in the water. We sat in silence and just admired what we saw. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever saw. The reflection of the sun was beautiful on the water. The shades of orange and red was gorgeous. I have never actually sat down and admired what is around me but now I did.
“Does it hurt?” Lindsey asked me.
“Does what hurt?” I replied.
“Not having him.” She said and than I knew what she meant. She wanted to know if not having Matthew still hurt.
“Every second of everyday. Its been about a year and I am getting over him okay. Don’t you worry your pretty little head off.” I said and I was telling the truth. I have spent all my time with him since 5th grade and that is something that will be hard to get over.
“I feel so sorry. I had no intentions of stealing him. It just happened.” She said.
“I know.” I said turning to look at the sun set. It was about 8:30 and the water was beginning to get cold. “We should get you home.” I said while helping her up. When we got home to my house my Mom warmed up some food for us. She didn’t ask any questions. My mother knew better. She alway ridiculed me because Lindsey was always sexually active and she thought that I would be influenced by her. I know better than to let anyone influence me. I once had this boyfriend who dumped me and I was really sad and I talked to my friend Shannon about it.
“Am I wrong?” I asked walking next to her in gym.
“For what?” She said turning to me and having her usual confused face.
“A guy broke up with me because he asked for sex and I told him that I was not ready. Am I wrong?” I said to her.
“No! Alexis, did he try to pressure you because I will cut him, I swear. I knew that Brad was trouble. I will hurt him. He has no right to make you feel this way.” She said starting to get pissed off.
“You can hurt him all you want.” I said to her. She was always a really good friend to me but we weren’t always friends. We use to be enemies in about 2nd grade. She is always their for me.
Matthew came over to my house around ten, once Lindsey left.
“I still love you. Please take me back.” He said while shutting my door and giving me a kiss.
I pushed him away and said “What would Linds say, huh? She loves you. How could you do this to her!”
“But I love you and with out the baby I don’t want to be with her. She did it to you so what does it matter if you do it to her. I was yours first.” He said giving me another kiss but again I pulled away.
“That ridiculous. You hurt me way to many times and if it happens again I don’t know if I will make it.” I said opening the door and making a gesture with my hand.
“I will never stop loving you. We are soul mates, just admit it.” He said while grabbing my hand and holding it to his heart. “Feel that? Its a heart beat and my heart is beating for you. Please don’t say yours doesn’t beat for me.”
“I’m sorry Matthew. I love you, I really do but you and me will never last. Their is always going yo be something between you and Lindsey that we will never have.” I looked away because I saw a tear in his eye. He wiped it and then left without saying a word. I don’t know how I can tell Lindsey.

CHAPTER 6

Matt wasn’t their the next day at school. I just figured that he wasn’t feeling good or didn’t want to face me or Linds. Well, thats what I thought until later that day he was on CNN.
“A video shown of a sixteen year old boy found in a car in a creek. His name is Matthew Ray Plaster. It seems that he hit another car. They were in a ditch across the street. Matthew seems to have major head trauma from hitting the dash and then slamming into the car when he went off the cliff into the creek.” The woman on the television said. Lindsey was with me when I saw it. She was walking from the bathroom and then dropped her glass when she heard his name and saw his face on the video. Lindsey was even more upset when in the video he mumbled my name when they pulled him out of the ditch. She turned to me as if on a killing rage.
“You b****! How could you?” She said storming out the door.
“Lindsey I didn’t I swear. Lindsey come back!” But by the time she heard me she was already in her car and on her way to St. Mary’s Hospital. I followed her. When I got to the hospital hopped out of the car and followed Lindsey and I saw she was crying and running. I grabbed her and she fell to the ground and broke out in crying.
“He cant die. He cant. I love him. I love him.” And she kept repeating the same words over and over again. I helped her walk to his room and when she saw him she cried even more. His head was bloody, stitched and covered in bandages. His eyes were swollen shut.
“Did you?” She said while holding his hand.
“No.” I said in a very calm voice. I walked towards her and turned her to face me. “Why do you think I would do that to you. I’m not that kind of person. I know you love him and I know that you would never forgive me if I did.”
“How did you forgive me?” She said while staring her big brown eyes right at mine.
“I thought of how you feel when your with him and what your baby might like and that everything happens for a reason.” I said while she ran in my arms and gave me a big hug.
“The baby died for a reason. Its because we weren’t made for each other. He was made for you.” She said pulling away from the hug and looking me in the eyes again.
“I cant go through it again. I just cant.” I said, “I’m looking for something serious and he is everything but.” She didn’t say anything after I said that but held Matts hand through the whole night until he went to flat line. Linds starting to freak out. The doctors came in and put him into surgery because of his head. He died that night in surgery. The doctors said their was to much blood lose. I followed Lindsey home but she didn’t go home. She went to a beach but I didn’t know why. She sat and watched the sunset.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“This is were we first studied. This is were our first kiss was. Right were I’m standing.” She said and picked up some sand. “ This is were “it” happened.”
“I’m so sorry. “I wasn’t sure if telling her that he was killed because he was upset when he left was important right now but I couldn’t keep it from her. “He was on his way home from my house when he was killed.”
She looked at me with those big brown eyes with tears in them and said, “What?”
“He came to tell me he loved me but I pushed him away and told him I could never do that to you. I told him no and made him go home. I thought he would go home.
Where they found his body was nowhere close to his house. I don’t know what he was doing there.” I said but she paused and didn’t say anything until about 10 minuets later.
“If you told him yes, would he have stayed?” She asked.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Why didn’t you say yes. I would rather him be alive and with you than not alive and be with me. Why Alexis, Why?” She started screaming then sat down. “I apologize but everything always leaves. Nothing stays. Not my Mother, my dog, Matt, even Brittany stopped talking to me.”
“But you still have me.” I said and she smiled and then told me that that is the best thing of all. We walked on that beach till morning and she told me everything that was on her mind.

CHAPTER 7

The next day I spent the night at her house and when we woke up to get the mail her yard was full of reporters.
“Was it hard to lose your boyfriend and baby? How do you do it? What is going through your mind? How do you feel?” They were all screaming at the same time and finally Lindsey went back inside.
“How am I suppose to go to school? I am not doing it, I feel like shit and what is going through my mind is they need to get the hell off my lawn!” She said and then broke down. “I cant do this. Its just too much. “ I went out side after she said that and told those reporters what was on ‘my’ mind.
“You can take those fancy cameras and shove them up you god living hairy a**! And take those microphones and shove them up it with them and take your vans our of my drive way before I have them ‘and’ towed. Yeah I said so get moving!” I screamed. I could hear them cuss me out below their breath but I was happy because they needed to get their noses out of other peoples business.
“I saw that. Thank you.” Lindsey said.
“ About time they left. They were scraping up my grass.” Her father said and then I chuckled. Lindsey and I went up stairs to relax because yelling at reporters at five a.m doesn’t exactly lower your blood pressure. When we went up stairs I let her dye my hair to get her mind off of things. She dyed it black because I have a good hair cut for that color. Then she painted my nails, combed my hair, and gave me a manicure. We talked about what really mattered that day. The next day when I woke up Lindsey was not there. I looked all over and even asked her mom.
“Mrs. Post, do you know were Lindsey is?” I asked wiping my eyes and getting some breakfast.
“Yes, she went out about four a clock this morning.” She said handing me a plate. I took it, ate and then went to the one place were she always goes.
When I got there she was standing and staring at the rising sun.
“This is when I told him I was pregnant. He was so happy. He hugged me and then we went swimming. Lexi, What am I going to do? I loved him.” She corrected her self. “I love him.”
“Its just something you have to get through, ya know?” I said but she hung her head, wiped her eyes and stood up.
“I’m going to take a walk.” She said while brushing off her butt were sand had clung to.
“Would you like me to come with you?” I asked.
“No, I would like to be alone to think about things.” She said. I nodded and stayed were I was.


CHAPTER 8

LINDSEY’S POINT OF VIEW

As I was walking down that beach I remember when I first realized I liked Matthew. It feels like just yesterday but its actually been a little over a year. Since Alexis was out of school, Matt needed someone to be his partner in Science so I told him I would. His house was too noisy with his baby sister so we went to the beach instead because its peaceful and quite. When we got here we started studying but he kept staring at me until I said something.
“Can we get back to work. Why are you staring at me?” I asked but he didn’t say anything. Then our eyes locked and we stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Then he leaned in and I leaned in and we kissed. It was so beautiful in with the sunset and the orange water and the sand but then I pulled away from the only kiss that gave me fireworks and thought of Alexis.
“Oh my god.” I said.
“I’m sorry. So sorry, really.” He said.
“No theirs nothing to be sorry about.” I said back to him but then we kissed again but this time longer and then that was the night I lose my virginity. It wasn’t what everybody says it would be. It wasn’t fun either. Maybe the first time isn’t suppose to be fun. I don’t know but although it wasn’t fun, it was amazing. When his body touched mine I got goosebumps and it was that event that made me love Matthew more than I could ever love somebody. To be that intimate and close to someone was the most amazing thing I have ever felt but the sex its self was not what ever one, including adults, says it would be. That night, on that beach, below that sunset something incredible happened. We made a baby but it died with my true love.
As I walked on the beach and thought of everything Matthew and I did I started to cry. Then I fell to my knees. Lindsey must have been watching because she ran after me screaming “Alexis! Alexis! Are you okay?” I stayed on the ground crying my eyes out.
“I miss him so much.” I said still weeping.
“I know. I miss him too.” She said while rubbing my shoulders trying to make me feel loved but then it hit me. I totally forgot about who I stole him from. About what she will be feeling. How would I feel if my best friend stole my boyfriend, got pregnant from him, and then they including the baby died. She must be more upset than I am.
“I’m so sorry. Its my fault he is dead! All my fault.” And although it was true it made me cry even more because it is I who made Alexis feel like Matthew was dead because I can no longer hold him or kiss him. I felt so terrible.

CHAPTER 9

ALEXIS’ POINT OF VIEW

I have no idea why Lindsey would think it was her fault but I didn’t want to upset her by asking. I stayed at my house that night. When I sat at my mirror after I got out of the shower I saw the pictures of Matthew, Lindsey and me. One was of us all laying on the floor and Matt has his hand around me and I have my hand around Linds.Another was of us in the car on the way back from the circus. He was sleeping on my shoulder. The last one was of Matthew. He had his basketball jersey on and he was giving me a kiss. I miss him so much. When I laid on my I stared at the left side because the last time he was here he laid with me on that side because I was sick and couldn’t fall asleep. He left after I went asleep but he wouldn’t leave until I was asleep. He came back in the morning before school and gave me something to eat. I was so in love with him. I don’t understand why? How? How can you have someone kissing you and then the next day he is gone. Why would someone do that to you?
“You have homework for the weekend and don’t forget to study for Tuesdays test.” Mr. Carroll said while writing it on the board. “Alexis please some and see me after class.” After the bell rang I stayed to see what he wanted. “Yes, Alexis. I would like to ask you if you could get Lindsey to come and see the guidance councilor after school ever Thursday and Tuesday.”
“Why?” I asked trying not to be rude.
“She has not handed in homework in any of her subjects since Matt passed.” He replied.
“That doesn’t make sense I help her with her homework everyday after school. She finishes it and puts it in her binder to take to school.” And then I looked to her desk to see that she left her binder on her seat. I walked over to it picked it up and took it to the teacher. When he opened it up he saw assignments from every subject.
“She did her work.” He said.
I finished his sentence. “But never turned it in.” We both exchanged the same look. The next day we both talked to her.
“Lindsey, why haven’t you turned in your homework?” I continued. “You will be in the same grade again if you don’t.”
“I don’t have to okay!” She said and then when she picked up her books I saw something. Something on her arm.
“Lindsey Lauren Post! When!?!” I screamed while violently taking her arm.
“Just leave me alone.” She said pulling it away from me. She knew I was a Christian and that I don’t believe in ruining my body by cutting my self.
“When did you start!?!” I said while slightly lowering my voice.
“A few days after he died. It releases my stress and pain.” She was going to say something else but I cut her off.
“And the price you have to pay is having these, these, scares and the disgusting marks it leaves! You should be ashamed!” I said while storming out of the room.
“You do know I have to report this to the schools therapist.” Mr.Carroll said. Lindsey nodded and walked out of the room. I hated people who cut and dress like thugs and she knew that. She knew that I thought of my body as pure and now hers is not anymore. That will be permeant and how will it look if she gets older and has to go to a interview or something. I just can’t believe she would do this. I am speechless. The next day in school I saw two kids making out in the hallway. The girl had black hair and the boy did too. She also had skinny jeans, a tight black shirt, black make-up, converse, and a black belt. She had a lip ring, nose ring and a tattoo on her left arm. I though she must have been a new kid but when I looked at her face it was Lindsey.
“Lindsey what are you doing?” I said pulling the thug away from her and giving him the most mean look.
“Hey lady chill it. Me and Chuck was just getting started.” She said popping her gum.
“What has gotten into you? If your mother and father saw you like this they would have a heart attack.” I said taking her gum away because she was playing with it. (I think she was trying to flirt but it looked weird.)
“Stop trying to control me and I could care less on what they say, so peace sucka.” She said grabbing “Chuck” and taking him into a closet. I had no idea what got into her so I talked to her mom about it.
“I caught her smoking in her room. She is leaving boys boxers under her bed.” She started to cry. “I don’t know what to do. Were did I go wrong.”
“Its not your fault. She blames her self for Matts passing and is trying see who she is by not being herself. It will blow away after a while.” That seemed to be reassuring to her.

CHAPTER 10

LINDSEY’S POINT OF VIEW

“Come on babe. Lets mess around.” Chuck said to me while we were skipping gym by sitting under the bleachers.
“Cut it out, I don’t want to do anything right now.” I said while pushing his lips out of my face.
“But that Matt kid could get you pregnant and I can’t even have a little fun.” He said.
“That “Matt kid” only got in my pants because I was in love with him.” But then my voice trailed off. “And I threw him away.” I left school that day. I took out my piercings, tattoos and all the black cloths. I went to my mom gave her a hug and told her everything will be okay. She was so happy she cried. Then I had to do whats right and go to Alexis. When I got their, her door was shut but I heard voices.
“A little harder. To the left. Yeah thats the spot.” I heard Alexis say and I saw it was Jack, a football player in their so I ran away and stormed out of her house.
“Lindsey whats wrong?” Her mother asked as I slammed the door. The next day Alexis tried to talk to me.
“You lost your black stuff.” She said while giving me a hug but I didn’t hug back. “Whats wrong?”
“I heard you with Jack. You criticized me for having sex but you go do it with a football player. How low!”
“You have it all wrong. He was helping me put up a big picture of Matt, you and me in my room. When I said harder that mean’t hitting the nail and when I said to the left it was because it was crooked. Even ask him. We were studying other than that.” She said and I felt terrible for accusing her. How stupid could I be!
“I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what I was talking about.” I said to her and then we hugged and went to French class. I got called out by the therapist, which was very embarrassing. I had to walk with her to her office.
“Lindsey, I was notified that you have been cutting yourself and having some depression problems. You have not been turning in your homework either. Tell me about how you feel.” She said while pointing to the couch and making a gesture which mean’t for me to sit down.
“Well, I feel wonderful. I dream of rainbows and unicorns and I eat ice cream.” I said in a sarcastic voice and smiled. “Can I leave now?”
“This is a very serious matter Lindsey and I surprised you don’t see it that way. You have been through a lot.” And then I cut her off with my rage.
“Been through a lot! Is that what I’ve been through, a lot! How should you know what I’ve been through! I lost my baby. Almost got kicked out of this school. You don’t know what its like to be sixteen and pregnant and have people look at you and judge you because of your age. Not soon after I lost my baby I lose my love. The one person beside my best friend who ever cared about me, dies and along with him so do I. You don’t know what I’ve been through. So don’t come in here and ask how I feel.” I grabbed my things and went home. As always, Alexis was waiting for me at my house. If I didn’t have her, I don’t know what I would do.
“You look like you have had a rough day. How bout we get some ice cream to cool off.” She said while getting into her car. I don’t know how but she always knows the right thing to say. I nodded and then we went to Bill’s Ice Cream. I haven’t been their in almost two years. Its changed so much.
“What would you like?” The woman at the counter asked. She had bleach blonde hair. You could tell it has been recently dyed. She was wear bright green contacts but she was friendly and made small talk.
“I will have a medium cotton candy and she will have a medium twist dipped in chocolate.” Alexis said.
“Its amazing how much you know me.” I said to her while taking our seats.
“Yeah well, we’ve only know each other since we were in our mothers stomach.” She said and she was right. Our mothers knew each other ever since they were babies and their mothers before that. We were conceived on the same day and in the same room. I never knew my father. All I know is what my mother told me and its not much. She says he was a slum that left as soon as the word baby came out. Alexis’ mother and my mother were the only family I needed. They were their for each other and now Lindsey and I are here for each other. Without her I would be lost.
“Here you are.” The same woman said while handing each other our ice creams. We both said thank you and then we ate their together. When I was finished, Alexis’ went to the bathroom and I stood up to find a guy grab me and slide his hands down my body.
“Hey baby. Haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been hiding?” He said while still holding me. Just hearing his voice I knew who it was.
“Randy you slimy bastard. Get your crummy hands off me and get lost.” I said.
“You don’t have big ol’ Matthew to help you now.” He said while violently grabbing my hand.
“No she don’t have Matthew to help her but she do got me and I suggest you take your hands off her before I make you.” Alexis said while walking out of the bathroom and cracking her knuckles.
“Oh what are you going to do, sing me to death.” Randy said while turning to his friends and laughing but when he turned back to Alexis she had her fist already in his face.
“You broke my nose you little whore!” Randy said. “Now your going to pay.” He started to come towards her but got stopped by the store manager. He was black and big. Really big.
“I suggest you leave, son.” He said with a deep baritone voice. Then Randy turned to his friends and left. Alexis was rubbing her knuckles. I could see blood not a lot but enough to make it hurt.
“Oh my mary. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fine but that really hurt. He had what was coming to him.” She said while wiping down the blood. I could tell she was lying because she had to wipe her eyes. “Who was he anyway?” She asked.
“A guy I met before Matthew. He was just a friends but then he tried to mess around to I left him.” I said.
“How come you never told me about him?” She asked but I didn’t know the answer.
“Because I thought you would judge me. Judge me for liking someone who is six years older than me. I just didn’t know how to tell you because your so perfect.” I said.
“I’m far from perfect. I have mistakes and regrets just as you.” She said with grabbing my hand to comfort me.
“Name one?” I asked really interested.
“I regret dating Matt. Every time we broke up he said the most vial things but when we were together he made me think he loved me. One time in Music Class we were researching NYSMA and we were partners. He lay’d his head on my shoulder and said “I’m too in love to work. I’m sorry. I’m just too in love to work.”.” She turned towards the sun and I could tell she was holding back tears. “Every time he said he loved me it was a lie. He only wanted me for one thing and I wasn’t ready to give him that. I also regret being raped.” I looked at her speechless.

CHAPTER 11

LINDSEY’S POINT OF VIEW


“Thats not funny, you don’t joke about something like that.” I said while stopping her in her tracks.
“I wish I was joking.” Alexis said while avoiding eye contact.
“Please don’t tell me it was Matt.” I said disgusted with the idea.
“Oh honey, it wasn’t him. Don’t worry.” She told me but didn’t make me stop worrying.
“Tell me who!” I demanded.
“His name was Rich. He was one of my mothers quote un quote boyfriends. He stayed at the house. One day I went outside to the pool and my mom wasn’t home. He came home from work early. As always I wore my bikini. He asked if he could get in and I said yes, not thinking of it. The look in his eye was different that night. When he got in the pool he was staring at me a lot and when I said I was getting out because of home work he stopped me. I remember it like yesterday.
“Its a nice day. Stay out for a while.” He said with an awful creepy voice. I shook my head and then he grabbed me and held my mouth.
“Scream and I will do worse than what I have in mind. Now take off your clothes.” I was terrified what he might do to me so I did what he said. First he looked, then he touched and last he, he, I couldn’t say it.
I started to shake and Lindsey could tell.”
“You don’t have to tell me anymore.” I said while giving her a hug. I could tell the memory of it was hurting her inside. “Does your mother know?”
“And what would I tell her, Hey mom how was work oh and by the way the love of your life raped me! Its not that easy. She would think I was lying and then punish me. And lord knows what Rich would do to me then.” She said.
“Did he ever touch you again?” I asked. I was disgusted with that jack a**. He had no right. She did nothing wrong and I told her that.
“No. He kept his distance from then on but he still haunts me.” She said while looking at me and smiling. I couldn’t believe something like that happened to her. I just wanted to cry for her but that wouldn’t have stopped her pain. Not now, not ever.

ALEXIS’ POINT OF VIEW

I felt weird telling her that. I knew I could tell her anything but I have never told anyone that. I have buried it in my soul for almost two years now. Lindsey hasn’t looked at me different and I’m glad. That was the reason I didn’t tell her. I was scared that she would see me in a different way but I know she isn’t like that. The next day I got a weird call from Lindsey.
“Alexis! Help, I don’t know where she is oh this can’t be happening. Help quick!” She said this in a very fast and panicked tone. I couldn’t make most of the words out and when I tried to call back their was no answer. I went to her house but her mothers car was not in the drive way so I went in anyway.
“Alexis, where are you?” I screamed through the house.
“In here, in here.” She replied in a sad monotone voice.
“Oh my, what happened, are you okay?” I asked. She was on her bed sitting up with her knees up to her chest. She had tears in her eyes and her dirty blonde hair was matted down into a bun.
“My mom is missing.” She said but I didn’t believe it. “She has been gone for three days. At first I thought she was just at a guys house or at a bar but she never showed up. What am I going to do? I lost Elizabeth, Matthew. I can’t lose my mom too. I just wouldn’t be able to make it. Alexis you gotta help me, please!” She said while grabbing my arm.
“Lets call the police.” I suggested. She nodded and I picked up the phone. I dialed the local police station.
“Hello, how may I help you?” The man on the other line said.
“Hello sir, I’m reporting a missing person.” I said.
“Okay, how long has this person been missing?” He asked.
“She has been missing for three days. She has curly blonde hair. She weights about 140 pounds and is five foot nine.” I said.
“Okay. I will send it into the data base and see if anything pops up. I will give you a call.” He replied. Lindsey heard his answer and immediately had a frown upon her face. She took a bath later that day and when she got out she said something that made me surprised.
“I want to have another child.” She said with a towel around her body.
“Your only seventeen. The doctors say that it might end up the same way. Are you sure you want to take that chance?” I asked.
“I need someone. I need a baby.” She said. I didn’t say anything further but she did. “I don’t care if you don’t agre-” I cut her off.
“Your right I don’t agree. Kids your age get pregnant all the time and their not ready. They end up getting a abortion or putting it up for adoption. Your not one of them. Wait till your older. Wait till your ready for it!” I started to raise my voice but when I noticed it I stopped. She didn’t say anything but I heard her mumble under her breath. She said I’m ready. I know I’m ready. The next day we got a call from the police. They said they have located Lindsey’s mom but they couldn’t say any thing else. I went to the location they gave me and I ended up at a hospital. I went into Lindsey’s mothers room to find her barley conscious with bandages all over. She had to shave her hair because of the stitches she needed.
“Oh my lord, Ms. Post are you okay?” I said horrified at how she looked. I knew she must feel twice as bad as she looks.
“Yes darling. I was in a mugging. I was found a day ago but I wasn’t conscious so they couldn’t I.D. me. Does Linds know I’m here?” She asked.
“I thought it was better if I came first to see how you were so she knew what to expect.” I said.
“Can you do me a favor?” She asked and I nodded.
“Don’t tell her. Leave her be. She has been through enough.” She said to me. I didn’t know how I could lie to Lindsey.
“I can’t lie to her. I’m sorry.” I replied, mad that I couldn’t lie to her.
“I understand.” She said. “Do you mind staying for a while. I wouldn’t mind having some company.” I nodded and then stayed till she fell asleep. She looked so helpless. As a single mother she was always very protective and she was always tough and she stood her ground. To see her like this was almost scary.
When I got to Lindsey’s house she was waiting for me.
“What happened? Where was she? Can I see her?” She asked so many questions at the same time and I didn’t know were to start. It took me a while to answer. I was going over what her mother said and what I should do. To have Lindsey see her mother like that would be horrifying to her. Especially after what she has been through.

CHAPTER 12

“Lindsey,” I began to say but she interrupted.
“Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say she’s dead. God Alexis you can’t say it!” She started to scream. Tears ran down her cheek. She fell to the ground and put her face into her faded blue jeans. “I can’t do this. Not her too.”
“She’s not dead.” I paused for a minute. “But she’s badly hurt. She wanted me to tell you but I just thought it would be to hard to see her like that.” I said. Lindsey sighed in relief.
“When can I see her?” She asked while brushing her hair our of her face. When she stood up she brushed the tears away from her eyes.
“When you want to but she doesn’t look too good.” I said. The last thing I wanted to do was take her their because if I were to see my mom like that I would down right die but I couldn’t lie to her. I took her to the hospital, it was so gloomy. Their was patients in the hallways, staring you down. Everybody had a frown. It wasn’t like this last time I came. What changed? “Brace yourself.” I told Lindsey while making a gesture to her mothers bed. Lindsey walked into her room and stood still for a while. I didn’t say anything or touch her, I just watched. Her face showed remorse and sadness and everything in between. Her mother opened her eye because the other one was swollen and black and blue. She mumbled out Lindsey’s name. Lindsey went to her and held her hand.
“I’m here. Its okay. It will be all okay because I’m here.” She kept saying. I wasn’t sure if she was saying it to her mother or herself but she was saying it for a reason. Her mother looked at me, smiled and then lipped the words ‘thank you’. I smiled back then left and went home. When I got their I saw that my moms car was not in the drive way. I went inside and Rich was their.
“I’m going to my room.” I said and then ran upstairs. I was wearing jeans so I changed into my blue Oklahoma State sweats and my tank top. When i was taking off my shirt to put on the tank top I saw Rich waiting by my door.
“Oh my god! Get out!” I screamed but then he slammed the door and walked into my room. He had the same look on his face he had the day of the-... I can’t say it. He grabbed me violently, not like last time. Last time he took his time and enjoyed it but this time he took all control. He slammed me on the bed. I was pleading please don’t, please don’t. I was crying. I didn’t know what to do. I saw him take off his pants. He hopped on top of me. I didn’t hear him say anything except one thing. He said here we go. He injected me with something. It made me zone out but when I came to, he was on top of me. I couldn’t move but I knew exactly what was happening. My clothes were off. Why couldn’t I move? When I felt my legs tingling I started to begin to gain control back. He didn’t notice I was, he just kept... kept, doing it. I took my hand and hit him over the head because he was holding my legs. He fell off the bed. I then ran out of the room. I was stark naked so I took my mothers trench coat and then ran to her work. I didn’t think she would believe me but I had to tell her. This can’t go on any longer.
I found her at her office. I ran in and shut the door.
“Where are your clothes, darling? She asked.
“Rich raped me, twice.” I said very fast just so I get it out.
“Thats not something you joke about, Alexis.” She said standing up. “He called me and said you were upset with him because he wouldn’t give you any money.”
“Mom! You can’t believe him. He raped me ten minutes ago. He also raped me the night you didn’t come home a year or two ago. Please momma. You have to believe me! Please!” I said. She looked me straight in the eye and saw I was all teared up.
She muttered the words “I believe you.” She sniffled wiped her eyes and then headed out the door. “We are going to the house and then we are we are.” She dropped her eyes at the car and then started crying. “How could this happen? How could this happen to my baby girl?” She said while putting her hand on my chin and brushing my hair out of my eyes.
“Its okay mom. Its going to be okay?” I said. It seemed like forever till we got to my house but when we got their mom didn’t even shut off the car she just jumped out. Screaming “You slimy bastard get the hell out of my house!” Rich came out with a clueless look on his face. My mom started to hit her and she screamed “You rapped her! You violated my innocent baby!” She started to hit him and then I heard him say something. “I will hunt you down!” Then my mother screamed call the cops. They came shortly after the call. We went on trial for rape. It took a long process but my mom said he needed to pay. Trail was nothing like the movies showed. Their was more suspense and pure terror. What was worse is I had to explain every little detail about what he did to me. He got sentenced to twenty years with privileges. I wanted that bastard to get sentenced to life but that was a long shot. After that my mom didn’t look at me the same way she use to. She looked at me differently. I can’t explain it but she did. Their was still one problem, how can I tell Lindsey.

CHAPTER 13

“Rich went to jail.” I said while we sat down at our lunch table at school.
“Oh really? Why?” She asked while wiping her face with a napkin. I paused for a while a look around at the cafeteria. We have circle tables, I don’t know what but I like the rectangle tables more. The tables are divided into “clicks”. In the middle of the cafeteria their is Bethany’s table. She is a skinny little twitch who thinks everybody loves her and blah blah blah. She has all her minions in her table. Lindsey took a big bite and then gave that get to the point look and, I spoke.
“He raped me and I told my mom and we took him to court and he got sentenced to twenty years.” I it said with only one breath thinking getting it out at once is easier. She opened her mouth and then food fell out. She gave me a hug and made me feel safe.
“Are you okay?” She asked with a very dearing voice. I nodded and then the bell rang. In the hallway Bethany came over to us.
“Whats wrong? Did the poor little Dikes get sad.” She said in a baby voice. She sounded so sarcastic but I could punch her like I wanted to because one more strike and my mom puts me in therapy. I kept walking but that wasn’t satisfying for her. “See Matts and Sidney’s grave lately?” She asked spinning around. That was it! I was going to sock’er right in the sucker but Josh came over. Josh was a Senior. He has light blond hair and light green eyes. He was taller than six feet and had a nice body. I have been crushing like a school girl on him since high school. I saw him walk over and its like everything went in slow-mo. I saw his semi-long hair bounce in the wind. Then he walked over and kissed me.
“Hey gorgeous.” He said while kissing me again. Just before I could say something I snapped out of my day dream.
“Whats your problem Beth! Mind your own! You late to class, so get lost before I write you up.” He said. He looked so handsome, so masculine, so hottt!!! But a guy like him don’t go for 11th graders like me. He came over and shook my hand and introduced himself. Lindsey introduced me and I stood their speechless until she purposely stepped on my foot.
“So how do you know the God Almighty Bethany.” I said with quotation marks. He giggled the cutest giggle I have ever heard.
“She is my sister.” He said and I couldn’t believe it. The guy I have dreamed about is the Demons flesh and blood. My day just got a million times worse. “So would you like to catch a movie so something sometime?” He asked and I thought he was talking to Lindsey so I didn’t answer. But then he looked straight at me and I realized it was me he was talking to.
“Oh, yeah, that sounds great.” I said with a stupid look and boy did I feel stupid.
“So I will pick you up at 8 on Saturday.” He said and I nodded. It seemed like forever till Saturday but I couldn’t just sit around and wait. Lindsey and I went shopping for what I should wear.
“You should go for sexy but not slutty. Poise but not hobo. You know what I mean?” She asked while holding up a shirt that showed more cleavage than a prostitute. I shook my head no but by the end of that horrifying day I found a outfit. It was a pair of American Eagle jeans, low cut shirt from Hollister, Aeropastal flip flops and my Old Navy purse. I usually wear all these things everyday but this was the first time I had someone pick out my clothes, but it made Lindsey happy.
When Josh pulled in he got out of his car and came to my door. He knocked and when I opened it he said something.
“Wow. You look beautiful.” He said while stepping in. I thanked him and then started to walk to his car door. He opened it for me and then shut it. On the ride their it was pretty quiet until he turned on the radio. He turned on Country and I almost fainted.
He looked at me. “Are you okay? Do you not like Country?” He asked.
“No, no, I love Country.” I replied smiling. The song Smile by Uncle Kracker came on and I said I loved this song and he said it was his favorite too. We sang along to it together and then when we pulled into the Movie Theatre he kissed me. He put one hand on my head and latched onto my hair and the other hand was around my waist. It was to passionate. I couldn’t believe this was happening. The dream that I always dream about is happening and I can’t think of anything to do. I kissed him back, after what felt like forever he pulled away.
“I’m sorry.” He said.
“No, no, don’t be, really.” I said.
“It was out of line.” He said but I cut him off. I leaned over and grabbed on his hair and kissed him. Then we pulled away.
“Was I out of line?” I asked being sarcastic and then he shook his head. I sat on top of him while he was in the drivers seat. We made out for what seemed like eternity. I knew if I didn’t stop then it would go to far. So I pulled away and looked at him. He asked if anything was wrong.
“No, nothings wrong. Its just I don’t want to push it.” I said. He sat me down on the passenger seat.
“I don’t want you to do anything that you are uncomfortable with. We can go as slow as you want.” He said. The rest of the night we laid on the hood of the car. He had one hand around my head and I had both hands around his waist. For so long I wanted to be so close to Josh and now I am.

CHAPTER 14

I have never been so happy. Everybody at school thought I was high and one of my teachers even sent me to the guidance councilor. I was high, high on love. I have never felt so good in my whole life. I felt like my whole world was turning around. Josh came to see me at my house every single day and he never, not once, mentioned sex. When I’m with him its like all my worries are gone and I have nothing to fear. His sister even stopped talking to us.
Today is the day. I am going to Josh’s house to have dinner. When I get their I am blown away. They have this diamond chandelier and they have these Chinese carpets. They have yellow print design and red boarder. It was just magnificent. His mother cooked a amazing dinner. Josh’s parents said it was getting late so I better get home to my mom before she starts to worry. Josh walked me out to his car.
“They like you.” He said.
“They do?” I said. His parent were so nice and his sister was starting to be nice too. I would have been devastated if they didn’t. Josh nodded his head and opened his car door.
“I’ll see you in the morning. I will take you to breakfast.” He said while shutting the door. He has the most beautiful smile. His hair blew in the breeze.
“Make it a date. Eight o’clock, don’t be late.” I replied smiling back. He took me to the Owl Barn to have breakfast. We both had bacon and eggs. He was quiet for a while.
“How are you doing in school?” He asked.
“Good.” I said. I was wondering why he was making small talk. He looked into my eyes for a while.
“You are so beautiful. You have that sleepy look in your eyes. I dream about waking up with you by my side. I could wake up in the morning to your beautiful face.” He kept saying.
“What are you saying?” I asked while putting my drink down.
“Marry me.” He blurted out. I almost choked. “All we need is consent and we could live happily ever after. Its not hard Alexis. We could do it!” He said while holding me hand. I pulled it away.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked.
“No and I’m not high. The only thing that is powering me is love. Please. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He said.
“I’m only 16. I’m almost 17 and way too young. I want to be with you but I think you are moving a little bit fast.” I said. It was scaring me really. He wanted to get married at the age of 16. Is he crazy? I knew how he felt about me but how will we know if we will get mad at each other and move on. Thats the thing we don’t and he wants to try to see if it will work. I have no idea what to do so I paid for the bill and left him on his knees on the ground. People were staring at me. When I left and started to walk home I looked back. I saw him in the glass window looking at me with the most saddest eyes I have ever seen. He was heart broken and I did it to him. I knew what it felt like to be heart broken, so why did I do it to someone else? I felt so horrible. I went straight to Josh’s house the next morning but he wasn’t their. I went back to the restaurant and he was sitting on the front steps.
“Have you been here all night?” I asked.
“Yeah. For some reason I cant move.” He said. He looked so helpless. I sat down beside him. We sat their for hours, staring into nothing.
“We should go.” I said and then he turned to me.
“Do you love me?” He asked and I wasn’t sure what to say. I couldn’t not say anything because then he might think its a no. I paused for a second.
“Of course I do.” I said while putting one hand on the side of his face.
“Then why did you say no?” He asked and I knew the answer.
“I’m barely 17 and barely aloud to ride in a car alone. I’m not ready to be married. I’m sorry. If you want to break it off I’m o--” I started to say but he cut me off by putting his hand on my mouth. When he moved it he gave me a kiss so powerful that I fell back but we didn’t stop kissing. The owner of the restaurant came and saw us.
“Get a room.” He said while changing the closed sign to open. We both laughed and then sat up.
“I’m sorry for bringing it on you so fast, it wasn’t right.” Josh said.
“Its okay. I’m sorry for saying no.” I said and then we both laughed again. He helped me up.
“Lets go home.” He said. We decided to walk home because it was such a beautiful morning.
I haven’t talked to Lindsey in a week. We have been on Summer vacation. Josh came with me to drive to her house because we used his car. When I got their I saw Lindsey out side sitting on the porch.
“Hey Linds, what are you up to?” I said while getting out of the truck. Josh waited for me in the truck.
“Oh nothing. I haven’t talked to you in a while.” She said.
“Well we are going for ice cream and mini golfing. Wanna come?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that love fest you got going on.” She said.
“I didn’t need the snotty remark, okay. I was just asking.” I said. I know I have been spending more time with Josh but I thought Lindsey would understand that. I guess not.
“Well you have spent every hour with him and I don’t get any part of you.” She began to get quieter and more sad. “I feel like I’m losing my best friend.”
“Lindsey, I love you. Not even a boyfriend is going to separate us.” I said while sitting next to her on the steps. We hugged and then she came with us to get ice cream.
“He will have a medium twist. She and I will have a Blue Goo dipped in chocolate please.” I said to the woman at the cash registers in the ice cream shop.
“Its amazing how you still remember that.” Lindsey said to me and gave me a big smile. I smiled back.
“That will be 8.20.” The woman said after calculating it. I handed her the money. After we ate we went to go play golf. I haven’t played in years so Josh helped me on the first hole. He put both hands around me and on the putter. He swung my hips and then hit the ball. No surprise he got a hole in one. I mean we got a hole in one. Lindsey didn’t know how to play because it has been an equally length of time since she played. I asked Josh to help her the same way he helped me. She got a hole in one too. We played for an hour or two before I was getting tired. Josh took Lindsey home and then laid on the beach with me. We sat watching the sun set like Lindsey and I use to do when we thought about Matt.
“I know.” Josh said.
“About what?” I asked and acted clueless but I really was clueless.
“That this is your and Matts spot.” He said. I took me hand away from him and sat up.
“Do you feel sorry for me? Is that what this is? Oh poor girls boyfriend breaks up with her for her best friend and then friend gets pregnant and if thats not worse the baby and her ex boy friend die! I feel sorry for her why don’t I break her heart and help her along!” I said while standing up.
“Thats not how it is!” He said. He yanked my hand to come back because I was heading in the direction of my house.
“Then how is it Josh?” I said in a quiet very sad tone.
“I liked you from the beginning and then you got to Matthew who doesn’t even treat you right but you were wrapped so tightly around his little finger. I wanted you so bad but knew you were in a bad spot and didn’t want to make it worse.” He said while pulling me close. “J’adore tu.”
“J’adore tu aussi.” I said while smiling. We kissed right before the sun went down.
“Do you forgive me?” He asked.
“For what?” I asked.
“Not being more clear about my feelings.” He replied and then we both laughed. We fell asleep in each others arms on the beach.

CHAPTER 15

When we got woken up it was kinda cold. The waves got close to shore and soaked us. We were freezing. But instead of going home he took his shirt and pants off and kept on hid boxers. I closed me eyes and then he jumped into the water.
“Come on in!” He said while goosebumps were covering his body.
“Are you crazy? Its freezing!” I said back.
“Yes. I’m crazy for you.” He said while doing a backwards moderate paddle. I smiled to him and then took every thing off except my bra and underwear. I jumped in and he caught me. It was so cold but I didn’t care because he was holding me and keeping me warm. We swam for a while until Lindsey came to see were I was.
“Alexis! Were are your clothes?” She said while grabbing a towel from her car. I tried covering myself while I walked towards her to the towel. She wrapped it around me.
“We were just swimming.” I told her.
“Almost naked!” She said.
“It just happened and its not like we did anything. I can control myself unlike some.” I said but as soon as it came out I wanted to take it back.
“That night just happened and I can control myself.” She paused for a second. “You know I was worried because you didn’t go home last night and I was trying to be a good friend but it seems like you don’t need one!” She said while walking away.
“Lindsey come back I didn’t mean it!” I screamed as she drove away. I tried to chase her but I tripped in the sand. Josh ran over to me and helped me up. “I cant lose her.” I told him.
“I know honey.” He said. He had a reassuring voice but at that point no reassurance could help.
I went to Lindsey’s house to apologize but she wouldn’t come out of her room. She said that she didn’t know an Alexis but she was lying.
“Lindsey, you are my best friend. I didn’t mean what I said. I was being stupid and I didn’t think straight. I should have never put a guy in the middle of being friends it wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. I know you have been through a lot and I know because I have been their through it all with you. You will never find someone who knows you like I do! Lindsey, I cant lose you. Not now, not ever.” When she didn’t answer me I walked away. When I was at the top of the stairs her door opened.
“Did you mean that?” She asked.
“Every sentence.” I said, then she ran to me and we hugged. We both apologized at the same time. “I will tell Josh that we should take a break.”
“No! You found a guy who loves you. Lexi, he really loves you. You have to keep him.” I smiled and then she fixed us something to eat and asked what really happened on the beach.
“Well we were just laying their and then we fell in love with the sun set and fell asleep. I swear that nothing happened. We just slept in each others arms.” I said.
“How was it?” She asked.
“It felt good.” She smiled at me with that I know what your thinking look.
“Well then when we woke up he got naked down to his boxers and jumped in and told me to too. So I did and we swam for a while.” I said.
“Well when I got their he was holding you. Tightly.” She said.
“But we weren’t doing anything.” I said and she nodded. We stayed in and watched old movies like the old times. Her mom brought in popcorn and braided our hair. I felt like a kid again and I liked it. When I got to my house my mom was waiting for me frantic.
“Oh, my god! You’re okay! Where have you been?” She asked just before she jumped up and gave me a hug.
“I was with Josh yesterday night and then with Lindsey last night.” I said.
“Who is Josh?” She asked. very suspiciously.
“My boyfriend.” I said and that was the first time I called him my boyfriend.
“Why didn’t I know about this Josh kid?” She asked.
“Because.” I answered.
“You spent the whole night with this Josh?” She asked.
“Yes.” I answered.
“Do we need to have the talk? Are you using birth control?” She asked.
“Holy! No! We don’t need to have the talk because I’m not having sex and know everything you are going to tell me. Mom, I swear we didn’t do anything.” I told her.
“Okay. If you tend to have sex could you please tell me so if you ever get pregnant I wont be totally clueless.” She said and I nodded. I knew she was being sarcastic.

CHAPTER 16

“So is everything okay?” Josh asked while we were laying on his bed.
“Yeah. Lindsey and I made up.” I said while rubbing his hand. He sat up.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asked.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun.” I replied with tired out voice. Through half of the walk I felt like Josh wanted to say something but he didn’t for a while.
“Alexis,--” He tried saying in a sighing voice but I cut him off because I knew what he was going to say.
“Don’t say it.” I said.
“Don’t say what?” He asked sounding clueless.
“No guy ever starts a sentence with Alexis, if they are not going to break up with them. Please don’t say the words.” I said while letting go of his hand and facing him.
“Alexis you don’t understand.” He said.
“Then help me understand.” I said.
“Okay, I love you so much but you have been through so much and if anything happened to our relationship later it might just be too much for you.” He said and then he couldn’t face me.
“Yes I have been through so much. More than you can imagine because what you don’t know is I have been raped. If that wasn’t enough I lose my true love to Lindsey and then she loses her baby! I have been through more than a lot.” I said while gasping for breath.
“You never told me about the first thing you said.” Josh said. He tried to reach for my arm but I pulled away.
“I thought if you knew you wouldn’t want to touch me.” I said with my head down.
“I love you no matter what and I am so sorry I brought up what I said before.” He said while giving me a hug. I couldn’t say anything. I don’t understand how I feel. Every time we kiss I see fireworks and I can’t get enough of him but he is making Lindsey and mine relationship together harder. Ahhhh what should I do?
Lindsey and I went swimming. She is on the schools swimming team and I go to see the boys in spedos. When she was doing her laps I swam beside her.
“Since Josh came into my life, we have been more distant.” I stated.
“Yeah, so.” She said.
“So it that if we broke up would that be easier for you and me to be like normal again?” I asked. Then she stopped swimming and stared at me for a while.
“Normal? Normal was when you were holding Matthews hand and walking down the street. Normal was us painting each others nails with Matthew watching television. Normal was you, me and Matthew on the swings. That was normal. This is not normal. You have not felt normal again till Josh came into your life. He was a blessing to you. He loves you, he really loves you. We will always be together till the end. Friends for life. Look at your wrist. The bracelets we made when we were six. Six, Alexis and we still have them. Do you remember the promise we made when we put these bracelets on?” She asked grabbing my wrist and pointing to the blue, purple and green braided bracelet on my wrist and hers.
“Yes. We promised that no one would separate us and that we will be unbreakable. Friends for life.” I told her.
“Yes and no one including a boy will separate us, not even Josh but you cant be afraid of love because I screwed one up! You and Josh are perfect and you should thank god to find someone like him.” Her voice started to trail off. “Stay with him. A few less hours of your day wont hurt me. We made a promise till the end.” I didn’t know what to say but I got my answer. I never took that bracelet off. We are friends till the end and thats the way it will stay. Lindsey asked me to meet her at the beach. The same spot were we went to think about Matthew and her lost baby.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Lindsey said when I arrived at the beach. I nodded and then she continued. “Matthew, you looked at him like the love of your life. When he cheated on you and got me pregnant you stood by me. You never left. When my baby died you was there too. I went through so much and you sat there with me, no matter how much pain it caused you.” She fell to the ground thinking about Matthew and her baby. I grabbed her hand and said one thing.
“Till the end.”

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.05.2011

Alle Rechte vorbehalten