Inhalt

Chapter 1

I hug him as tight as I can, I wish the hug could last forever, it’s the last hug I’ll ever give him. The more I hug him, the more it hurts, and the more I want to cry. I inhale deeply, I can smell his soft manly cologne that I love so much. When I look up at his face, my eyes flooded with tears. All of a sudden large tears start shedding from both my eyes, down my cheeks. He hugs me tighter, wipes it away says “I love you so much, don’t cry.” I can tell he is trying to hold back his tears by the way his voice drops and his eyes roll back. He gives me the last kiss, and I finally see the tear that drops so quick from his left eye. I wipe the tear away, “It’s okay Hunter, go live your dream.“ He holds my hand tight and he walks me to my bus. We stand in front of the bus door and hug him one last time, he holds my hand while I walk up the stairs. When I’m on the second step he pulls my arm, I spin, my hair swishes quickly and he steels one last kiss. I could feel my hair in between our lips, but we ignored it because it wasn’t a time for nonsense. I finally get on the bus, take my seat by the window. I look at him standing outside, and I place my hand on the glass. Then the bus pulls off, he waves goodbye to me after I signal him to call me, at least when he can. I cry all the way home wishing that I could reverse time or at least pause it so I could be with him just a little longer. When I get home, I ignore everything and everyone around me I head straight to my room and lock the door behind me. I realize how much my life is going to change with out him, it sucks to be so in love. I’m happy because he is finally going to begin living his dream, but all the way across the country wasn‘t really what I had in mind. He is going to a school for kids with special talents. He is the best dancer I know and I want him to do what makes him happy, all this time the process of the auditions and contracts I’ve been going through mixed emotions. It’s a very good opportunity for him to live his dream but at the same time it makes me sad because I’m going to be here just thinking about him and the things we could be enjoying together. I’m going to miss him so much; I’ve been missing him before he even auditioned for that school. He’s been in my life for a whole year and I can’t picture my life with out him. I stay in bed all afternoon crying just hoping that he will change his mind before he gets on the plane. I didn’t want to think about it but I also didn’t want to forget him. From the minuet I got home that Friday afternoon I lay in bed miserable and depressed. I was waiting all night for him to call but my phone never rang. The clock struck 11:00, If Hunter hasn’t called by now I know that he didn’t change his mind he went through with it, he got on the plane and left.

I wake up Saturday morning and my face feels dry and puffed from all the crying of the night before. I reach for my cell phone that’s charging next to me, its 11:09 and my head is pounding. I decide to lay there for a few more seconds and those seconds become minuets, those minuets become hours. I can’t get him out of my mind, I don’t want to think about it but he‘s really gone. I’m sure he should be awake by this time because it’s almost 3 in the afternoon. I called him, when he answered I wished he was still here, home, with me.

“Hello?” He says in a low voice.

“Hey, are you there yet?” I struggled to say whipping tears from my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m here, I miss you.” he says

“I miss you too.” I said, crying

“I miss you too; do you think I made the right choice by coming here?” He asks.

“I don’t know, maybe you did but you won’t realize it just yet.” I say trying not to cry anymore.

“I love you so much; nothing is ever going to be the same.”

“I know but let’s try to make the best of it.” I respond.

“I love you!” we both say at the same time, that meant we had to go. Even though it feels like a stab in the chest I hang up first because I had to start getting use to saying “Good bye”.

An hour later I manage to finally drag myself out of bed just because I had to use the restroom. I look in the bathrooms mirror and I look a mess. My hair is disorganized and tangled in every place possible. I get in the shower hoping that with the hot water the swelling of my eyes and face will fade away. I step into the shower and turn on the hot water before the cold. I shampoo and condition my hair trying to get the tangles out. Suddenly I don’t want to do anything anymore, I lay on the shower floor feeling the water get colder and colder against my skin. I think to my self “It’s been twenty-four hours since we said “Good bye“.” I lay on the shower floor until the hot water runs out and it’s completely cold. When get out of the shower I go to my room and lay down again. I’m not hungry, I’m not happy, I don’t feel like talking, I don’t have him, I do miss him, I do want him, I do need him, I do love him, and I would love to have him laying next to me.

Before I know it, it’s 6:03pm and I’m still lying in bed, with my eyes closed but I’m not sleeping. I’m not crying anymore because the swelling of my face just disappeared completely. I don’t want it to come back. No one has bothered to check up on me all day not even if I unlocked my door after my long shower. Then I heard a vibrating noise, it took me a minuet to recognize it. It was my cell phone, I pick it up and I have a text message from Hunter.

“I miss you so much, I love you, I’ll call you when I can everything is so crazy and I’m super busy I love you xxxo.” I told myself that he will, certainly call soon but hours go by and my phone never rings again. When it’s 10:00 pm I call him. I knew it in my heart that he missed me enough to pick up his phone when I called. But sadly he didn’t it went to voicemail after ringing about six times. It had been hours since I actually said a word to anyone; he was the last person I talked to this morning. I opened my mouth slowly and left a short message. “I miss you, call me back…I love you.” I hang up the phone slowly and lay back down. Then I hear my door knob move. My mother peaks through the door and enters the door; she lies next to me on the bed and pulls my hair back.

“Sweetie, come on get out of bed. You can’t stay in your room crying and waiting forever.” She says.

“I just miss him so much, every single day for the past year we’ve been together and from one day to the next he’s gone. My life has no meaning with out him.” I reply with tears exiting my eyes.

“It will get better soon honey, I promise. Soon you’ll find someone else, forget about Hunter, and fall in love all over again.”

“No! I don’t want to forget him, I want him to come back and I certainly don’t want to find someone else.” I say trying not to cry.

“I didn’t bother you all day because I knew you wanted to be alone to think about things for a while, but for gods sake Maria it’s after 10:00 and you haven’t eaten anything all day. At least drink a glass of milk.”

“I’m not hungry, I’m not thirsty. But my heart is thirsty for him, my heart and I miss him. I miss him.” I respond as she wrapped her arm around me and kissed me on the cheek.

“You know that I’m not just your mom but I’m also your friend. When you hurt, I hurt when you smile, I smile and I can’t smile right now because my baby is bleeding inside.” She looks at me and touches my face, I suddenly think of Hunter because the first time we ever kissed he did the same thing. He ran the back of his finger across my cheek and through my hair. “C’mon Maria get up and eat something, write in your journal.” She hands me my journal that’s on the other side of the bed and I shake my head. “I don’t wanna write I feel too weak to do anything I just wanna see him.” I say in a low voice. My mom sighs “Why won’t you let me help you, Maria?” She asks desperately. I look into her eyes and turn away suddenly, “Because mom, you don’t know how.” I cry in silence with my face turned away from her. “How can I help you, what do you need me to do?” She asks, I can tell she is getting frustrated with me. I sit up in bed, biting my thumb nail as tears came rushing out of my eyes. “take me to see him so he I can just see him face to face again and hug him and tell him how much it hurts, he’s the only one that can help me from my misery.” I lay back down and whip my tears with the covers. My mom hugs me tight, “Sweetie, call him, talk to him, and tell him how you feel.” I look at her like she’s stupid, “I already called him it went to voicemail, he sent me a text message and he’s really busy. What I want more than anything right now is to see him, and hug him.”

Chapter 2 My first day with out him

It’s Sunday night and I just want to see him, he hasn’t called and every time I call it goes to voice mail. I have school tomorrow and I wish I didn’t. Everything is going to be so different now that he’s gone. I’m going to walk in the halls alone, I’m going to walk myself to my bus, I’m eating lunch with my friends for the first time in a long time, I won’t have a boyfriend to text in class and my life as I know it is gone. He’s gone.

Monday morning I wake up to the sound of the alarm on my cell phone. I take a deep breath and I finally exhale the air out of my lungs all at once. I finally get out of bed turn on the light and the brightness of the light hurts my eyes. I get dressed, put my shoes on and I brush my hair. I skip the make-up because I have no one to get pretty for. I grab my back pack and head for the door, then I look at the time and I still have 25 minuets before the bus comes. Today I got ready a lot faster compared to the 40 minuets I usually take. I sit on my bed and I call Hunter, hoping that he will answer so I could have some confidence for the day, so I could learn to face the world with out him. It rings, and rings, and rings, and he finally answers in a tiered voice that I am happy to hear, it’s better than going the whole day with out hearing his voice at all.

“Hello?” he said answering his phone

“Hey, it’s me I’m about to leave the house to go to school.” I said

“Yeah?”

“Yup, it’s just going to be weird with out you, why haven’t’ you been answering your phone?” I asked as it all flashed back into my head.

“I’m sorry babe; I’m trying really hard to juggle everything.”

“What’s so hard about going to school and dancing, you did all those things when you were here and you still had time for me now you can’t even call or answer when I call you.” I begin to raise my voice.

“I know but I’m new here and I have to get settled into my room. I hardly know how to get around the school. Everything is a little harder, I’m starting to question myself.”

“If you want to come back, just make sure it’s the right choice.”

“You’re still gonna wait for me, right?” He asked

“Yeah whatever you do, if you stay I’ll wait for you to return and if you decide to come back I’ll be here for you.” I look at the time and I head out the front door while still talking to Hunter.

“So you miss me, huh?” He asks sounding anxious to hear my response. “Yeah, big time.” I miss you so much I feel like more than half of my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I wish I didn’t have to face school with out you.”

“I wish I was still with you, don’t forget to write me a letter every time you can.” He said reminding me.

“Don’t worry, but you should squeeze time into your day to text me, call me, or right me a short letter and mail it to me.” From a short distance I see two orange lights blinking and coming closer and closer.

“Hunter text me during the day or something the bus is here and I have to go.”

“I love you!” We both say at the same time, then I hang up slowly take a deep breath while I watch the bus stop in front of me, I finally get on the bus and take my seat by the window as always. The bus pulls of and I stare out the window the same way I did Friday when I was waving good-bye to Hunter.

When I get to school I walk alone to Homeroom and I walk alone in the halls thinking about Hunter all day. At lunch I search for the table where we all sat when Hunter was still here, my friends Kim and Nelly knew I was sad so they gave me a hug when I sat down with my tray of food.

“You okay, honey?” Kim asked

“No, I feel like…I’m no one… like everything has been taken from me… I feel so empty.” I say trying not to cry.

“Don’t say that, Maria. You still have us and were still your friends. Says Nelly as she rubs my back.

I’ve known all of them since Elementary school so they know me pretty well. I pick up the bottle of water and drink it, and I just want to go home and lie down, fall asleep and do absolutely nothing. I pull my phone out of my pocket, and text Hunter. “I’m having lunch with out you for the first time ever.” Fallowing a sad face, I wasn’t expecting for him answer but he did. That just made my day, even If I still missed him it made me feel a little better. I read the text message slowly because I didn’t want the moment to end. “I’m having lunch too, I wish I was right next to you, I miss you so much.” Then I smiled so big ignoring everything around me. I replied quickly “OMG, I miss you too, have you made any new friends?” I asked I was looking forward to talking to him on the phone soon. “Yeah, in my dance class everyone is friends I’m especially talking to Joe and Emma.” I thought it was nice for him to make new friends, but I want to be his number one the way it had always been. Even if my day was okay with out him I still miss him and I still want him here with me, I’m just not used to being with out him. Since we became boyfriend and girlfriend we’ve been together 372 days of my life with him and on the 373rd day he had to leave.

The days with out Hunter fly by, they go by tardily not fast enough. But I manage to make the best of it because things weren’t going to change anytime soon. It feels so weird to walk around without holding someone’s hand, to kiss no one, to sit out with my girls and not him during lunch. Things are changing dramatically for me. My grades have dropped a letter, and I have lost ten pounds in the past few weeks. Even if I don’t realize it I don’t eat at all I don‘t remember the last time I had a meal. Now the tight clothes I use to wear are baggy and loose. I have to wear a belt to keep my jeans at my waist. My daily routine is the same everyday. I wake up, go to school, text Hunter during lunch, come home, shower and I go to bed. I’m always tired, I cry very often, I barley communicate with my family, I’m never hungry, I never feel like doing anything. I promise my friends and parents that things are going to change soon, but to me that means if he’s no here everything will always be black and white and in my world it will always rain even if it’s sunny outside.

When Hunter calls I wish our conversations could last forever but he always has something to do. I know I should be patient with him because I promised him that I would but, sometimes (always) I wish that he would give up on himself and just come home. To be with me, to see his family, to put the rest of the world on pause and to just love me. I wish he could be here, I had to let go of my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time with out wanting to. Someday I have to breathe in life again and live, the only problem is that I don’t know how. I don’t know how I’m going to see the world with the eyes that are only used to seeing him. Someday it has to happen, but when?

Today I got home from school and for the first time in 4 weeks I heard my stomach growl. I was hungry, I wanted to eat. I wanted the best homemade Mexican tacos only my Mom knows how to make. Filled with lots of chicken and all the goodness a taco should have. I can feel my mouth watering just by thinking about it. But my mom isn’t home to make then, so I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich instead. The melted cheese taste a million times better than it ever did. It seemed like I hadn’t eaten in ages but it had only been a few weeks. I had a rather strange way of eating, during those few weeks I wasn't eating, I would eat little things. Maybe a glass of orange juice or a few cookies, but I would hardly ever had a full meal at all. I never noticed how much I was letting myself go, until now. Of course I noticed that I wasn’t fitting into my clothes the way I use to but, I thought it was nothing. Minuets after I finished eating my Mom got home. When she sees me sitting at the table and not in my bed sleeping, I know it comes as a big shock for her. She looks at me with her eyes wide open and it takes her a few seconds to smile and notice the plate in front of me. She walks up to me and kisses me on the forehead, “How have been mija?” She asked with her pretty Spanish accent. I look at her and return the smile, I hadn’t smiled in such a long time that I found it relieving, I don’t know why. She sits down in front me, “I’ve been doing a lot better, Mom. What about you I feel like I haven’t talked to you in years.” She looks at me with her head tilted just a little, and a little smile. One of those smiles that warms me up inside and makes me remember how much I love her.

“I’ve been good, mija. We’ve missed you around here. It seems like a ghost town without you hanging out around the house.” She says.

“I don’t think things will be like that anymore. My life has to continue, right?”

“Right, you have to live. I’m so happy you came to your senses.”

Chapter 3 Building a bridge and trying to get over it

Today, I finally did my make up again, I focused in class, I laughed and joked all day the way I hadn’t done in such a long time, when I got lunch today I actually ate it. When I sat down in lunch with my girls I enjoyed the gossip they were spilling about the teachers and the new girl, Bianca. I decided not to text Hunter during my lunch period, because I wanted to catch up with my friends. The friends I set aside to be with him all the time, the friends that loved me so much and still welcomed me with hugs when he left. Now I feel like living more than ever. I haven’t hung out with them in such a long time.

“Do you girls wanna go to a movie this weekend, or something?” I asked.

“Really? Are you serious? We haven’t gone out together in such a long time.” Says Kim

“I know right, it’ has been a really long time.” Nelly comments

“So is that a yes or a no?” I ask.

“Girl you know we wanna go out, what did you have in mind? Asks Nelly

“Well I actually wanted us to decide together, we could have a movie night at my house if ya’ want.” I suggested

“When this Friday, I mean I can go any day, but Fridays are better.” Says Kim

“Yeah Fridays are better. Ya’ wanna come Friday night like at seven, or so. Ya bring the movies, and I’ll have the food at my house.”

“Nelly and Kim look at me with a big smile, I can tell they are excited, just as much as I am.

“Maria, you know we’re so happy that you’re finally on your two feet again, happy because you’re a lot happier now and that we can hang out like we use to back in the day. Right Kim?”

“Yeah I mean, When your man left you were always sad and all depressed all the time now you’re, finally living again. That makes me happy, we love you girl. Says Kim as she rubs my hand and shoulder.

“I love you guys too, Ya better hush because ya are going to make me cry with all the corny stuff ya saying.” I can feel my face getting hot and blushing.

It’s finally Friday and I’m getting everything ready for the girls to come over tonight. I made guacamole, from mashed avocado, kool-aide for us to drink, and I have a bunch of candy so we can get hyper.

During the movie I couldn’t stop laughing, I don’t remember the last time I laughed this much. I laughed so much that my abdomen began to hurt. We love to watch ghetto Comedies with a bit of Drama. To my surprise Hunter called me in the middle of the movie. I had my cell phone in my purse which was in my room. So Hunter called the house phone instead. When the girls and I heard the phone ring we didn’t know it was him. But when I told them who it was I know that they seemed bothered by it. Kim made a snobby facial expression and Nelly just cut her eyes. I went into the kitchen to speak with him, while the girls continued to watch the movie in the Living room.

“So, what’s going on, I’m surprised you called.” I say

“Maria, I left you a voicemail telling you, I was going to call today, at this time. Didn’t you get my message?” I asks.

“Actually I haven’t been looking at my phone lately. I forgot to take it off of mute. Cause’ you know, I be in school all day. Sorry.” I say quietly

“What have you been up to? You haven’t been calling me or texting me the past few days.”

“Yeah, I’ve been with my the girls the pat few days, I feel like I abandoned them for a long time.”

“So, you with them right now?” he asks.

“Yeah, we’re actually having a movie night. Remember me and you use to watch movies together?” I say as my mind flashes back to the memories.

“Yeah, I remember everything. I miss you so much.”

“Hunter, do you mind if I call you later I want to watch the movie.”

“Yeah, go enjoy yourself. Be good and take care of yourself. I love you.” He was surprised because I didn’t want to talk to him at the time, and i have to confess I was kind of shocked myself because I'm always eager to talk to him.

“Don’t worry babe, I‘ll be fine love.”

I get back to the movie with the girls and they didn’t seem to mind, because they knew how much I wanted to have this movie night without any interruptions.

“Sorry, ya we just miss each other that’s all.”

“No girl don’t worry about it, we understand.” Says Nelly

“Girls I only stayed because this guacamole you made is poppin’.” says Kim. I look at both of them wondering what was on their mind. Then I finally say “I blew him off, for ya.” Kim and Nelly look at me and then at each other “Yeah, we know you blew us off in the past for him, and we always forgave you.” says Kim. I cross my legs and my arms. “I think it’s the first time I ever did it to him, though.” I say. “I miss him and all but I just want to hang out with ya’, because its been a long time and talking to him makes me feel sad. That’s something I don’t need, I need to live, I need to be my age, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what you need to do now more than ever. Girl you know we always got yo‘, back, you know we always here for you” says Nelly and Kim just smiles, and I can tell they mean everything they say. The rest of the night me and the girls watch movies and eat all the left over, then we go online and I watch them make fun of all they’re ex boyfriends on the social network. They made sure I smiled the whole night, and I didn’t regret hanging up the phone earlier that day.

Chapter 4

As the days went by, and I worried less and less about Hunter, I had more and more fun. Because after time passed I began to realize that he was always going to be in my heart. The more fun I had the more I cell phone rang. Hunter was taking time out of his schedule to keep our relationship going. I wrote and received letters from him all the time, almost every three days. I scribbled little hearts with our initials in all my school notebooks, I texted him during lunch and class all the time and we video chatted every once in a while. I talked to him almost every night for hours. Sometimes I spend so much time talking to him that I only get three hours of sleep. But my motivation for school and life helps me to get good grades and still have fun. I really miss him but I can’t let his abandonment rule the rest of my life. I began to spend more time with my parents now, we go out to the movies, restaurants, bowling and swimming together. We now have dinner together more than we use to. I tell them all about my school life and my relationship with Hunter. I’m their only child and I know they want to be involved in my life as much as possible.

Tonight my parents and I are going to a Mexican restaurant to have dinner and I can’t wait to tell them about my week. When we got to the restaurant ( El Barbero‘s Grill) we took our seats I ordered what I had been longing for all week. The towns greatest cheesiest Quesadillas. I can just feel my mouth watering while I tell the waitress what I want in Spanish “Por favor deme tres Quesadillas y una limonada.” right after I ordered my lemonade I felt my pocket vibrate, right then I began to smile even more.

“Dios mio, Maria doesn’t that boy leave you alone for just one second. Parese que ni le importa la escuela that he tried so hard to get into.” My Mom said, I knew she was kidding because she winked at my Dad, I saw it in the corner of my eye. I opened up my cell phone and It was Hunter, I hadn’t noticed but it had been months since he had been gone and spring break was right around the corner he told me he was flying back to South Carolina for those two weeks. I love the way he started that message. “Dear love of my life, I’m getting two weeks off for spring break and I get out on the same day you do, I’m coming to South Carolina to see you.” I was happy to read the text message I wanted to receive since the day he left. I looked at my Parents, and grinned with so much excitement. My Mom looked at me with curiosity, “What’s your problem?” I look at her and my Dad at the same time and I tell them. “Hunter is coming for spring break We get out of school on the same day.” I finally say trying to stop smiling. “That’s very good honey. I’m sure you’re very happy.” My dad says. “Yes Papi, I’m very happy. I can’t believe it’s been three almost four months since he left, this is the first time I see him beside the video chats.” I say, then when the food comes my attention changes and my mouth continues to drip like a water fall. I dig my teeth into the best food in the world. My parents asked me about my grades and as usual I told them how well I was doing, because it was the truth. When Hunter left the first few weeks my grades did drop but I managed to bring them up again. Then my Dad asked me a question that made me a little uncomfortable and insecure. “What if you and Hunter can’t make your relationship work after all?” I looked at my Mom wondering what made him ask me such a thing but she also looked very puzzled. “Well me and Hunter are both very mature and reasonable people, I’m sure we could make things work or make plans. Why do you ask.” My Dad, looks at me and laughs “I’m just messing with you mija.” He grabs hold of my hand and looks at me very sweetly. “I know you are a very mature young lady, because me and your mother have raised you to be just that. Me and your mother both know that this separation isn’t easy for you but you are mature to make it work. I’m proud of your maturity.” he leans over the table and gives me a soft kiss on the forehead and he says “Mi princessa, my treasure my baby, te quiero.” I glance at my mom and I know she is touched by the moment. “Princessa, remember your quinceanera? Remember when we gave you permission to date, soon you’re going to get married and be a mom.” She says. “Yes Mami, I remember my special day, but I won’t be getting married any time soon I’m only sixteen, soon to be seventeen.”

For the rest of the night me and my parents talked about old memories and the day of my fifteenth birthday, and I loved those Quesadillas. But then in the back of my head even if I knew my Dad was just kidding, the Question did repeat in the back of my head, “What 1if me and Hunter can’t make it work?” Then what will happen. I didn’t want to think about it too much because I didn’t want to imagine another painful moment like the one I had just gotten over. Later that night I called Hunter and he seemed pretty excited about coming back home. I listened to him telling me all his plans for us, “I’m going to take you for a romantic walk around the same park where I asked you to be my girlfriend, them I’m going to take you to the Ice cream shop around the corner, I’ll take you to the movies and tell you how much I love you, I’ll kiss you until the sun sets.” I listened to him and suddenly remembered all the things we always did together. “Hunter, do you remember our first kiss?” I asked. ‘How can I forget, it was my first kiss too. You didn’t even know how to pucker your lips.” I laughed because it was true, I was a little girl when I became his girl when I kissed him I was in high school but I was still young. I had never had a boyfriend before and it was all a new experience to me. He gave me my first kiss and the very first touch of love against the cambers of my heart. He made me smile, with every action of love he showed with every wink he gave me. Every time he held my hand, I fell in love with him all over again. He is my man, he makes me smile with every word he says. I smiled all night because talked to him all night long.

The next morning was Saturday and I woke up the weird movements. I was confused when I woke up and Kim and Nelly were jumping on my bed like wild animals. In my head I was like “What is wrong with these crazy behind girls, and how did they get in my house this early in the morning.” I sat up an threw my pillow at them, they know I’m not a morning person. “What the hell, are ya’ll doing here?” I asked playfully. “Your Mom let us in, lets go to the mall girl, she told us Hunter is coming some time in the next couple of day and we want to take you shopping with us.” says Nelly. I was going to tell them myself but I guess my mom got ahead of me, but why are they here so early. “I’ll go to the mall but, dang man it’s to early.” I groaned. “Girl you better get yo’ lazy behind up it’s almost 1 in the afternoon, what you talkin’ bout early, get yo behind up.” Kim had the ghettoest little voice ever. “For real?” I yelled and gasped as I sat up in bed. “You must’ve been on the phone with yo man last night, tell me I’m wrong.” Kim knows she’s right. “Girl yeah I been talkin to that boy all night we got off the phone like at 5 a.m. I tiered but, it’s Saturday.” I groaned as I lied back down. Nelly pulled the covers off of me and Kim pulled my arms. “Take a shower and get dressed you lazy bum!”

We joked around for a few more minuets and then I finally decided to get out of bed because, I really did want to hang out with them today. So I wouldn’t feel bad when Hunter came home, when my man comes home we will spend those two weeks together like we always did.

Chapter 5 I love you, I surprise you, I missed you

It’s Tuesday and tomorrow, is our last day before spring break. I’m excited because by tomorrow night I’ll be hugging and kissing the love of my life for the first time in months. Months that have felt like an eternity, months that have seemed forever, months that I’ve missed him and dreamt about him. I texted him during lunch and it was so strange that every response he texted me was the same thing, “I love you!” I thought it was very strange because he always has something new to tell me. I stopped texting him and I continued with my day. After fourth period I went to my locker to put my books inside, the same locker me and Hunter shared the whole time we had been dating, when he left it was so empty. I opened it taking my time, when I opened the metal door of the locker I saw a beautiful white rose lying there alone in an empty locker with a card under it. I picked up the rose and sniffed it, slowly and carefully opened the card from the envelope. I read the words and I had no idea what was going on. I placed my books in the locker and brought the card and rose with me, still wondering who it had been from.

When the last bell rang I searched for my girls in the halls I didn’t see then so I went outside to the parking lot to get on the bus. Was walking and smelling the rose at the same time, just minding my business and concentrating on the sweet smell. When all of a sudden I feel two warm hands over my eyes, I knew it was Nelly because she does that to every one, even her dog. “Nelly get off me I know It’s you loca.” I said knowing that girl didn’t speak a bit of Spanish, but she didn’t let go. “Nelly get your hands off my eyes I can’t see!” she finally releases and I turn around and look at her and so surprised, so stunned, so happy and my eyes full of tears. It took me a few seconds to react but, when I finally threw myself against, him. It was Hunter who had put his hands over my eyes, I jumped on him and wrapped my legs around his waist, he spun me around and kissed me the way I hadn’t been kissed in what felt like decades. When he finally put me down, I hugged him for a long time and he whipped my tears away the same way he did when he left my side. But this time my tears were from happiness. He looks at me with so much warmth with such sweetness he tells me in a serious voice “I love you.” I was still shocked and the words finally escaped my lips, “What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t get out of school until tomorrow.” he smiled and just kissed my cheeks. “No I told you I got out tomorrow, doesn’t mean I was telling the truth I actually got here the morning and I wanted to surprise you just as much as you wanted to see me! Did you like your Rose?” I looked at him and gave him a little kiss, “I loved it, and I love you.” he holds my hand and he leads the way, to the car. “Where are we going?” I asked still crying because of so much happiness, “I’m taking you to spend the rest of the afternoon with me, my Dad let me barrow his car. I went to your house while you were in lunch and I spoke with your mom so she knows you’re with me.” He kissed my hand and opened the car door for me.

The rest of the afternoon we did everything he promised we would do. He took me on that walk around the park, we laid on the grass and just stared at each other for a long time, no one said anything but at the same time saying so much with just our sight. When it got dark he took me, to get ice cream around the corner. When we sat down I asked him questions about his new life. That’s when I realized that it wasn’t what neither of us thought it would be like. “Do you like your new school, in LA?”. He looks down at the table and takes his time to respond, he looks up at me and says ” I like it but, its so hard I barley have time to breath the hours are so long and they expect you to be dedicated to dancing all the time.” I look at him, with sweetness “But that’s your passion, isn’t it?” I ask “It’s something I love to do, sometimes I question myself, and sometimes I wish I had never left. If I had never left I could still be here with you, so wouldn’t have to be alone so much.” I didn’t want to tell him, because I knew that it would’ve made him feel useless but I knew I was never alone I was always with my girls, with my parents, or out having fun and being me. I was never alone, since he left my life had been fuller than ever, the only thing I needed was him. I ate my ice cream, enjoying the sight of him in front of me, I couldn’t stop smiling. He was so perfect, he had a manly voice, he was taller than me, he was thin but muscular, he made me realize love for the first time in my life, he showed me everything I always wanted to see, and he was a good dancer. I loved him more than anything, he’s my man.

The rest of the week I spent it with him, he took me to the beach and out to eat on Wednesday, Thursday we went to the movies and out for ice cream, Friday night we went to a club and we danced almost all night long, Saturday he came to my house and I made snacks for us to eat. We listened to all of our favorite love songs together he sang to me even if we both knew he sounded horrible. It felt good to feel the words of his voice make every cell in my body shimmy. We spent all day together at my house doing nothing, just being together and loving each other. When I played the last song on the play list, it made me realize it more than ever. That I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. We sat on the couch in my room looking into each other’s eyes falling in love with each other the way we had always done a million times. We hold hands, and kiss, our bodies come closer and closer his kisses come stronger and stronger with more feeling each time. I can feel him breathing onto the skin of my neck as his kisses go lower and lower. Then all of a sudden everything flashes back into my head and I yell, “Stop! My parents may catch us then they won’t trust us anymore!” He looks at me and smiles, “You’re right…wait I just remembered that when we were listening to music, I heard your mom yelling down the hall that they would be back in a couple of hours.” I suddenly remember the same exact thing, I guess I’m just nervous because I was shocked that it was the first time we had been this close. Our whole relationship was always about respect, honesty, trust, and love. Sex was never a priority for us, and it would’ve been both of our first time. “Maria, it’s okay if you don’t want to. I’m not in a rush for anything this isn’t important for me, we can wait forever if you want to.” He kisses my forehead and hold me against his chest. I look at him with more love with him than ever, “No it’s okay, I want to.” I continue to kiss him and we whisper “I love you” in each other’s ears as we undress each other, slowly. It was a little painful but when I realized that I was with the person I had loved for such a long time, it made it seem like the pain wasn’t there. He was making love to me for the first time in our relationship and we were enjoying every second of it. When it was over we laid in bed together, just staring at each other, he kissed my forehead, and I kissed his lips. We stared at each other for such a long time I almost fell asleep, until my cell phone rang. It was my mom calling me telling me she was going to be home late because she got a flat tire, “Mija, I just called to tell you I we are going to be home a little later than we had planned, because we got a flat tire and we’re getting it fixed right now princessa.” she says “That’s fine Mami Hunter is still here keeping me company, don’t worry I’m fine.” I say as Hunter holds my hand. “Okay, princessa bye.” I hang up the phone and I never wanted to forget this beautiful moment of my life, I had shared the most special thing with the person I loved, my man Hunter. I loved him more than ever. We laid in bed for a little while longer, just holding each other in the sheets and cuddling. When we finally got up and got dressed he helped me make my bed so my parents wouldn’t notice anything. He helped me wash the dishes from our snacks, we sat in the living room watching comedy shows and when my parents got home they seemed to believe the whole act, but they’ve always trusted Hunter they have no reason why not to trust him. When it was time for Hunter to leave, he shook my Dads hand, he hugged my mom and I walked him to the car. We stood outside the car hugging for a long time, because we were both so happy, when I walked outside my legs felt weird because I had just lost my virginity, but I was happy. We kissed and then he told me what he felt. “I’m so happy that we were together today. I’m happy because I’m with the most beautiful girl in the world. I’m happy because today was one of the best days I have ever spent with you, I love you.” He kissed me again, and then it was my turn “Well I’m happy because today everything was perfect, I’m happy because you’re my man, and because I own the heart of the best dancer in the world and the love of my life. I love you.”

As soon as he left I went into the house and texted Kim and Nelly I told then almost everything. I was texting Hunter at the same time, and Nelly brought up a good point “Now that you gave your heart to him do you think this separation will be harder than the last?” It was something deep to think about or imagine. But I told her I didn’t think it would be, because this time I was sure that he was going to come back, I was sure that he was the love of my life, I knew I was going to be with him for a long time, and my dreams were coming true. Now I felt more committed to him and more in love with him than ever. This time I was really his women and he was really my man.

Chapter 6 Going against stimuli

The next week me and him, spent it together I tried to leave my house as early as possible so I could be with him longer. I always had to be home before 10:00 pm and he always made sure I got home on time. It didn’t matter where we were or where we went the only thing that ever mattered was that we were together. Everyday that we were together I wished that it could last forever.

Two days before he left, I was trying to prepare for his leaving. As the hours passed I found myself more distant from him each time. When I went to he picked me up Thursday morning, so we could go to his house and watch movies, I went to the kitchen to make popcorn and on the way back I sat on the other couch, and no on the same couch next to him.

“Babe, why you sitting all the way over there?” he asked as he came and sat next to me. I ignored him as if I didn’t hear him. “Maria, what’s the matter?” I still didn’t say anything, he came towards my face and tried to kiss my cheek but I turned my head. “I know you have to leave, but I don’t want you to go. After all the loving memories we shared these past two weeks and you’re leaving again.” I finally say as I rest my head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around me. “I wish I didn’t have to leave either, but I have to it’s school and I want to make my dream come true no matter how hard it’s going to be. I love you.” he says kissing my cheeks. “Hunter I’m just going to miss you a lot more this time. I don’t want you to go all the time we spend together I wish it lasted forever. These two weeks have gone by so fast.” I say. “But, you know I’m going to be back as soon as I can, and if you need me call me, text me, and if it’s really important I’ll fly out here just for you.” the rest of the day I felt really lonely even if he was with me and I even got the urge to cry a few times. But I didn’t, when he left I knew that it would be okay because I had already faced to world with out him, but with my family and my girls. I wasn’t going to be lonely I was just going to miss him. Then the question my Dad asked me at the Mexican restaurant made me wonder (“What if you and Hunter can’t make your relationship work after all?”) what if we really can’t make it work I can’t just simply get another boyfriend, I’ve been with Hunter for too long, he knows me more than anyone, he understand me, he loves me and I love him.

The last night he was in town he took me home. He walked me all the way to my room, and I begged him to stay a few more minuets because in the morning he had to leave. He actually ended up staying until midnight. We laid in my bed staring at each other the way we did after we made love for the first and only time. I saw him crying and I knew he didn’t want to go, but we couldn’t really do anything about it, no matter how much we both wanted him to stay, his school was still waiting on him Monday morning with dance routines for him to perform. When he finally left, we stopped crying. We stood outside the front door saying our good byes. “I love you, with all my heart I will never forget you and I will always love you.” he whispers in my ear. “I hold on to him for as long as I can, and I kiss him for a long time because it’s going to be a long time before I kiss anyone again. “I love you, with all my heart, I will be faithful to you always, I will cherish our love for ever. I love you.” he kisses one last time our lips move in the same direction at the same time. We kissed even longer this time and I didn’t want our lips to part. But when we finally did he got in his car and this was a little of the opposite of the first time we had to say good bye, this time he was getting in a vehicle and he was waving to me and he signaled for me to call him. I suddenly remembered it all as it flashed back into my head. That night I just couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning in bed all night, trying to make myself believe that everything would be okay between us. Just hoping that when he returned that nothing would change and that everything will be the same between us.

When he was gone for the second time, I found it very hard to be myself. My body wasn’t the same, it wanted me to fall into a deeper and longer depression than the first one. But I avoided it as much as I could. I tried as hard as I could to go against what my body wanted and desired. Every morning when the sun rose, I felt tiered even if I had slept ten or eleven hours I still wanted to sleep. So instead of sleeping I got up, went running, I took cold showers. I noticed myself crying for little things like losing my favorite shirt or simply because my phone would go dead. But when I was alone that’s all I ever wanted to do, that’s why I was always with someone. Always. I was always with either one of my parents, with my friends, and even playing hop scotch with the little girl Brenda that lives down the street.

No matter what happened or how I felt Hunter was always a part of my life and I was always a part of his. His letters continued to arrive every other Friday, he called and text messaged me everyday at the same times, and we would video chat very often. He had always been and never stopped being my man and the small things he did showed me and let me know that I was and had always been his women. He was on my mind all the time and this just made me want him to come home more, it made me realize that he was worth all the waiting.

Chapter 7

Today is finally Friday, today a letter from Hunter should be coming. When the school bus drops me off at home the first thing I do is check the mail and I see the letter from him. A pretty light green envelope with his name on it. I carefully open the letter and I read it still standing at the mail box.

Dear Love of My Life,

Today and everyday I hear your voice over the phone makes me want a kiss from your sweet lips. Every time I do a series of flips on stage I imagine that I’m flipping into your heart. I wonder if you may feel the way I do, if you get sad and lonely the way I sometimes do, and do you ask yourself the same questions that I ask myself. Can you sleep at night with all those “What if’s” running through your head.

What I’m trying to say is that I miss you and being here in LA is like being in a drought for a century, because I’m not with you. A drought that has advantages and disadvantages, My life feels dry and deserted with out you. But I have faith in us, that we will work out and that we will soon be together again the same way we were before I came here. I promise everything will be the same when I finally return into your arms.

I love you with all my heart and I hope to see you as soon as I can, please be patient with me because this temporary separation isn’t easy for me either. I love you, I miss you and say “Hi” to you parents for me. Oh yeah and before I forget I just want to say I love you.

Hunter

I sigh when I finish reading the letter because the things he goes through aren’t different from the things I feel. I do ask myself questions and I imagine the worst case scenarios, like him meeting another girl or what if he gets hurt while dancing or an unexpected accident that could take his life and take him away from me for real. I don’t like to think about these kinds of things, but I guess I should expect the unexpected. My attention is suddenly taken away from the letter, I can hear a car coming. The music is so loud that I can imagine the vibrations if I were in that car. When the car comes closer and closer I notice the color. A dark blue like the night sky, the car so shinny and so clean. I went inside before the car got closer to me. When I was inside I peeked out of the living room blinds and the car was there for a few minuets and I felt like who ever the driver was he knew I was looking onto the street. When the car left I went to my room and I read the letter again and I wrote him a letter in return.

Dear Love of My Life,

I wish you were here, so I could be with you all the time the way I use to. But its time that we get use to this temporary separation. Not ending our relationship just simply keeping in mind that we will certainly be together soon, that life is continuing and no more sad talk. Even if we still miss each other terribly we should focus on the happy times and the positive thoughts, because I think that our “What if’s” and our negative thoughts just make things harder for us. Don’t worry about anything. Live your dream with out any bad thoughts on your mind. You will always be my man and I will always be you women. We should be convinced that our love will last because we were together for a more than a year and I gave you my heart so you could cherish it and have it with you always. I gave you my heart the same way you gave me yours and I love you. Remember no more negative thoughts and continue to have trust and faith in our love. Focus on our future. Maybe this separation will make our relationship stronger after all. I love you and I miss you.

Maria

Later that afternoon Nelly calls me, I just assumed Kim and her wanted to come over to watch a movie or something.

“Hello” I answer

“Hey girl, what’s up!”

“Nothin’ girl I just finished writing a letter for my man. What about you?”

“Girl it’s Friday and I know I wanna hit up the club.”

“Girl you might as well live at the club, you’re always there.”

“That is like my second house, you know.” she says laughing

“Yeah, I know you go there so you can rock up all over boys.” I say teasing the way she dances.

“Oh so I’m the only one, you don’t rock up on yo’ man.”

“That’s another story, don’t even get it twisted.”

“How is that different?”

“You said so yourself he’s my man. On the other hand the ones you got feeling up on yo’ lil booty, are just lil horny boys that you hardly know and don’t have any kind of respect. My man respects me, okay.”

“Yeah girl whatever I didn’t call you so you could give me the sex talk I called you so you could go with me to the club.”

“You want me to go to the club with you?” I say uninterested, and pointing at my chest.

“Yeah man so you can shake yo thang, you down?”

“I don’t know man, I got to--”

“You do not have to study so don’t even come up with that lame behind story.” Her rude behind cut me off, and interrupted me.

“How you know I don’t have to study.”

“Girl I’m in all your classes, I know.” Damn I forgot she was in all my classes.

“Alright man, I’ll go but just for a little while.”

“That’s what’s up get ready and I’ll pick you up in a few hours.”

“Alright I’ll see you then.”

“Alright bye”

This girl acts like she has to go clubbing almost every weekend. I remember when I began going out with Hunter we would go to clubs together, he would dance battle with the other dancers there. I roll only with the best so my baby always won. I put the letter in an envelope and give it to my mom to mail for me.

Nelly picked me up at nine o’clock sharp and when we stepped into the club the party was poppin’ all the colorful lights were flashing everywhere and everyone was on the dance floor dancing and having a good time. I knew I wasn’t going to get to crazy so I went over to the bar and ordered a lemonade, while Nelly went to shake her ass.

I look over at one of the tables and I notice a young girl around my age leaving with a guy. She was dressed in a teeny-tiny black skirt and a sky blue tank top and black heels. The guy she left with looked about five years older than her he was tall, dark skinned, and had a small beard. He was dressed in jeans and a green t-shirt. They came closer, I could her their conversation. “Were going to your car right?” the girl said as they passed me, then the guy said “Yeah, even if I just met you I know you’re special.” I didn’t want to judge because maybe what I thought and what was going to happen were two completely different things. But the truth is, when a guy sweet talks a girl and takes her to his car after just meeting each other and him telling her she’s special only one thing can happen. I was sitting at the bar sipping on my lemonade, moving to the sound of the music. Then I spot a guy with spiky brown hair looking at me. He smiled, waved and winked at me. My mind flashed back to the girl and the boy that had left earlier that night and I didn’t want to be her in a few hours. So I ignored him and turned the other way. I could see Nelly shaking it on the dance floor, we made eye contact. She signaled me with her hand to come over there. I shook my head saying “No.” but when I saw the boy with the porcupine hair style coming towards me, I dashed out of my seat and went to shake my ass too.

Through out the night the guy kept running into me. I know he was doing it on purpose. He needed to get a clue because I didn’t want to talk to him. I wasn’t interested in him at all, he should go find someone else. After trying to avoid him for a while I was thirsty again, I had been shaking my booty all night and running away from someone I didn’t even know. I asked Nelly to come back to the bar, so I could get another drink.

“Look at the one that didn’t wanna come.” she said poking her lips out and pointing at me.

“Shut up.” I said swallowing down the ice cold lemonade.

“I’m happy I brought you, I can see you’re having a good time.” she said fanning her face with her hand. She was sweating, because it was crowed and because of all the dancing we were doing. I couldn’t even remember the last time I danced this much.

“Girl there is a stalker up in here.” I said glancing over at the porcupine head. Nelly turned around to look at him.

“Talk to him, he seems cute.” she said not keeping in mind that I had a man.

“Hell no, I don’t want to talk to that boy. Girl I got a man, Remember that.” I said slamming my drink down gently.

“Well yo man ain’t here.” she said, I looked at her

“Yes he is.” I said, Nelly took a minuet to look around and then back at me. “Where? I don’t see him.” she said, I pointed at my chest right where my heart is. “He’s right here I said.” Nelly looked at me, trying to understand. “Look I’m not asking you to go home with him. But he’s at the palm of your hand. He’s been chasing after you all night trying to talk to you. At lease give him a chance.” she said holding my arms, trying to convince me. I figured I could at lease make a new friend tonight.

“You’re right, I’ll walk over there and introduce myself.” I said as I forced the tiny smile on my face. I looked over to the other side of the club where he was standing. I began to walk toward him, then Nelly spanked my booty. “Go girl.”

I kept walking and he noticed me coming to him, just when we made eye contact, I froze and I walked to the restroom instead. I walked in and leaned on the sink catching my breath. I looked up at the mirror and I was blushing. I heard heals on the floor and I could see Nelly looking at me through the mirror with sympathy. She approached me.

“What happened?” she asked chasing to look in my eyes.

“Nothing, nothing happened. I didn’t wanna talk to the dude.” I said. She rubbed my shoulders and my back.

“You wanna go home?” she asked, I looked at her.

“If you’re ready to go, then I am too.” I said quietly, she took my hand and we walked out of the club together.

On the way home no one said anything, but I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or guilty so I began to talk.

“It’s like….like…I don’t know.” I said not knowing exactly what to say. Nelly seemed a little shocked, I don’t think she was expecting for me to talk so she gave me a quick glance.

“What?” she said as if she didn’t remember what just happened at the club. “Maria, talk to me. What’s wrong?” she was trying to keep her eyes on the road.

“I don’t know I feel kind of weird talking to another guy. I feel like, if I just talk with a guy or flirt with him I would be unfaithful to Hunter.” I said looking down, and feeling awkward.

“But, Maria you didn’t do anything so don’t feel bad. You’re a great girlfriend to Hunter.” She said, as we looked at each other.

“I know but it’s just kind of awkward for me. I guess because I know he’s not here and---. I don’t know. I don’t want to get involved with another dude not even as a friend because anything can happen. You know, we don’t always make our destiny or future, it makes us.” I said looking at her.

“I think I get what you’re saying. But don’t beat yourself up, because you don’t know what could’ve happened on the bad side. The guy could’ve drugged you or even the both of us. Who knows what else could’ve happened you know.” she brings up other worse scenarios and that kind of made me feel better. I didn’t know why I felt that way, It was something like stage fright.

“You know Hunter was the only dude I could express myself to, because he was my only guy. My first boyfriend I guess it’s because he’s all I know.” I said, rolling down my window.

“Yeah, I know what you’re saying. Then you lost you virginity to him so that makes it harder. Right?”

“Yeah, since we had sex. It made everything more real for me. Like now I know our relationship is going to survive, that maybe in the end of this little separation crap we’re going to be closer. You know.” I glance at her to make sure she understand where I’m coming from.

“Yeah girl I know what you mean.” We pull up to my drive way, I reach over to hug her goodnight.

“I hope I didn’t spoil you Friday night.” I say.

“Don’t worry about it, I care more about you than a club.” she says winking at me. I’m so lucky to have friends like her, she worries about other before she worries about herself.

“I’m still sorry.” I insist. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s fine.”

It’s been weeks since Hunter was in town and things don’t seem so bad, since I sent him my last letter. Time is going by so fast and so many things are changing for me. The things I always cared about are going down the drain. My habits have changed, I’m not exactly the same. I use to eat dinner with my family every night, now I just eat junk food or I don’t eat at all. I remember that I use to check my cell phone every two minuets. Now I could care less about who calls me or texts me.

I haven’t had a deep conversation with my friends or parents in a while. I just want time for me, I feel bad because maybe I used them to try and replace Hunter but it was nearly impossible. I think I should take time to find myself and to kind of bring myself back to life in a way.

The only time I talk to Hunter is when he calls the house because I never carry my cell phone. We don’t get into anything too serious. We just keep in mind that either way, if he’s busy or if we can’t actually talk on the phone and be a normal couple through long distance. He’s still going to come home to me, we‘re still going to be together.

Monday I woke up late for school so I rushed to get dressed. Them I took my slow time and I walked outside to the bus stop. Before I knew it the bus had passed me, and I didn’t seem to care, I kept walking as if I was going somewhere anyway. I walked around the neighborhood with my hands in my pockets. I was thinking to myself, “Should I go back home? Should I just walk it’s not far at all? Should I just ditch?, it wasn’t my fault I missed the bus.” Then I see the shinny, clean, blue car again and I remember the last time I saw it. It was parked perfectly against the grass and cement. This time I could see the driver. It was a male, and I could feel him looking at me. I made it seem like I was looking somewhere else. The car stayed parked, in perfect position and he got out slamming the door and he started was walking towards me. My senses told me to turn the other direction and to runaway. Most people would’ve done so, but I’m not most people I’m me. I stood there and I watched him come towards me, I wasn’t intimidated by his walk or by the look in his eyes. I simply gave him a warm smile as he came closer and closer. He stood in front of me and began to question me.

“Are you waiting for something Miss?” He said with a rough voice that I liked, and didn’t scare me at all.

“Actually I was waiting for the school bus but it already left, so I’m just standing around. Trying to decide what to do.” I responded, he looked at the ground then back up at me, “If you need a ride to school I’ll take you Mami, there’s no problem.” he offered.

“No that’s fine, I don’t think I want to go today.” I said as I stared at the tattoos on both of his arms. He was dressed like a guy in one of those gangster movies. With big baggy Dickies pants that held onto his waist with a navy blue belt, he rocked brand new Nike Cortez shoes and a plain white Polo shirt.

“So what are you planning to do all day today, Baby? Just stand out here and watch the cars go by?” He said being sarcastic.

“No I think I’m going to walk back home and probably sleep for the remainder of the day.” I said smirking at his comment.

“Don’t you care about school, Baby?” He asked, I looked at him with a curious face, “Wait, hold up I don’t know you at all and you don’t know me. We’re out here on the side walk of the street having a normal conversation and we don’t even know each others name.” I say and I could see the tiny smile he made when he looked at the ground a little ashamed of the situation I was bringing up.

“You’re right, chickita. My name is Marcus But I usually just go by Mark. What about you baby doll-- no let me guess.”

“Okay lets see if you can guess my name and my age.” I smiled at the challenge.

“Isabella, Your name is Isabella and you are at least seven-teen.” He seemed pretty sure of his suggestion.

“Nope, I’m sixteen but my name is not Isabella it’s much prettier than that.” I said smiling.

“Okay, if you give me a little hint I promise I wont get it twisted this time hermosa.” He still insisted making things harder when he could just ask me to tell him my name.

“It’s one of the most popular names in Mexico, and my name is in the Bible.” I said as I told myself in my head that if he didn’t get this right he was a total dumb ass. He took his time until he let my name escape his lips “Maria? Tell me I’m wrong.” He joked around.

“You got it, that’s it.” I said nodding my head feeling like I had known him my whole life.

“Really, my moms name was Maria.” he said with the smile fading away. That’s when I knew she was no longer with him.

“What happened to her?” I asked.

“She passed away when I was five, since then I’ve been brought up by my step dad whose a stranger to me and I’ve known him forever.” he said taking his time saying it as I tried to picture it in my mind.

“Wow, I’m sorry.” I said “Do you still live with him now?”

“Yeah we just moved here almost a week ago.” He explained that they moved so he could stay out of trouble. He told me he got kicked out of school for fighting and drugs.

“Really, you must be a really bad boy.” I said

“Yeah, I haven’t been to school for the past year or so, because I was in jail for a while cause’ word got around that I was selling drugs.” He said spitting at the ground “But fuck them, you know because I’m the only one that knows my life story. I’m not scared of jail, I ain’t scared of admitting shit, I know what I did.”

“How long you been free?” I asked feeling sympathy for him

“I been out for like four months, I’m hustling and living the hard life.” he said I could tell he was being honest with me even if he had just met me.

“So you still selling drugs, Mark.”

“Selling, using, sniffing, smoking, everything you cant think of.”

He may be a drug addict or a drug dealer, but I had to admit he was being really truthful to me and to himself about it. I liked that about him, people will do so much bad things knowing it‘s wrong. But they wont own up to it they wont accept it. Instead they will try to cover it up or live behind an image. But Mark was different he wasn’t afraid to define his past.

“Wow, you’re not scared of going back to prison?”

“I really wouldn’t give a shit if I did. It’s not like I have so much in jail but I don’t have anything outside of it either. I have nothing besides myself.”

“So how long did you say you’ve been living in this neighborhood?” I asked changing the subject.

“I’ve been here for almost a week, sexy.” He is so flirty, OMG.

“Well, I hope you like it here. I’ve lived here all my life and it’s pretty nice and quiet. I know almost everyone but just by name, because as you can see it’s not such a big neighborhood.” I say as I look at the time on my watch.

“So are you finally deciding to go to school?” he asked.

“I don’t know, what do you think? Mark.” his name came out of my mouth like a waterfall that hadn’t fallen for such a long time.

“No you shouldn’t, you can spend all day with me.” He said smiling at the offer he had proposed.

When I got in his car I didn’t know what to feel, what to say or what to think. I didn’t know what to expect, but it was okay. Ironically felt very safe, like nothing could harm me. I wasn’t sad I wasn’t crying I wasn’t doing anything but taking a risk. Living life and trying to draw out my future using my imagination. I tried to imagine what would happen during the rest of the day. What does life have in store for me?

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 18.02.2014

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