Title
The fight, the fury and the ferocious feelings.
By Darren Hobson
©September 2023
Introduction.
2023 what a cunt of year it's been even ignoring my irrelevant battles and overthinking, this is a collection of poetry that illustrates what a cunt it has been, while the world was being a cunt to us all I was being a cunt to myself so as you read through this collection of poetry you can see where the two cunts collide .
From the beginning of the year with no hope and little self-esteem this collection is like a roller coaster ride through the months, we hit some positive heights for a mere few seconds before everything disintegrated into little fragments like a Russian fighter jet hit by a overripe chestnut shot by an enraged women from her bedroom window.
Tales from my twisted heart entwined with the tragedy that cast a huge dark shadow over 2023 , constantly fighting my inner demons my anxieties and my insecurities. You can sense the changes in fortune as the year progresses, will this poet survive the year ?
Was deflated
Laying here far from anywhere
In the dark and in the cold
Brooding on life where did I go wrong
How did I end up so beat up and old
I've let my hate take over me
I feel it eroding away at my insides
I had a bad plan to destroy myself
Nobody would miss me if I died
I was hot-headed and ruthless
I was so harsh and cold to myself
I was gathering momentum to my demise
Waiting for the perfect moment for my final act
Then unannounced you arrived
At first you was just friendly in our daily chat
I found your words mesmerising
Like a drug I craved for more
Slowly I could feel myself healing
We start messaging even more
Your words reverberating in my head
Finding things that we have in common
In awe of everything she said
A lover of music and literature
A bearded dragon for a room mate
She scolded me for my pessimistic views
And refused to be taken out for a date
Normally I would be angry with myself
And cancel her from my life
Yet I pinned for more news from her
Because she was full of light
So I didn't take no step backwards
I kept myself in the firing line
Grateful that she continued to talk to me
Yearning secretly wishing she was mine
Circumstances came around
I got to hear thirty minutes of her voice
She might have made some silly errors
That I resolved professionally like a good boy
That night we chatted for hours
She knows exactly what I think of her
We talked about war and peace
And I called her my Cleopatra
Just like a teenager I didn't want to let her go
When midnight came around
But last night she showed me her photographs
She's so gorgeous I'm totally hooked now
So I was feeling deflated at the beginning of 2023
I was furious and tired of being the bastard in me
Nothing has changed in my relationship status
You can't force a diamond girl to love me
I know she expects me to pull myself together
She actually sees the intelligence in me
As I dream of taking her to eat in Via Margutta
I know realistically that could never be
So I'm laying here far from nowhere
My heart is warmed and it's -17 outside
Counting down the minutes to our next conversation
Just maybe someone, only maybe
One person would miss me if I died
Photogenic Finish
Just as I was certain
Just as I started to laugh
When I start to climb out of my ditch
I was suddenly cut off
I might have made a meal out of promises
And washed them down with doubt
It didn’t take long to see her true worth
Thankfully I had already pulled out
I am fool to have wished
Too old to be a rock
It was a whirlwind farce
That sent me into shock
I shouldn’t have called her that night
She was colder than the wind outside
I felt -23 in December
She was worse than I can remember
As now the truth filters through
Her words they turn to dust
Did everything she say not matter
The chains split with rust
It can’t be her
I know it must be me
Getting too close to someone
Who is just too good for me
But are they the correct words
To describe exactly what is going on?
My time has passed for certain adventures
I need to grow old gracefully
But who is for growing old
Getting fat and going bald
Can’t I hang on to the good times?
Before everything folds
Maybe I am living in the past
And I am too stubborn to act my age
I want to listen to the same old music
Who wants to turn over the page?
Have I learned a lesson
Have I took a step back
Knowing how many people out there
Think I am off the tracks
It seems I have nothing in common with anyone
Maybe I am also too fussy to settle down
Now I see all my fantasies vanish
As I am banished from every town
Making the same mistakes over and over again
Getting older and lonelier
Looking for someone new
Then I start all over again
It only takes a smile
Or a spark of generosity
I misread the interpretations
Then I do something silly
I have hurt the feelings of many
I know I will do it again
I don’t go out of my way to harm people
Too many to mention
When I get too tired
Like all people I want to lie down
But unlike most people that are normal
I’m hoping in my bed I drown
It’s gone too far
And it should stop
This daily dose of bullshit
Has putrefied into uncensored slop
Unable to distinguish between heart and soul
With no desire of getting old
Trying to stay out of everyone’s way
A photogenic finish to my dismay
An unsuitable wedding
There were no horses on the forecourt
There were guests getting upset
It was raining on that Sunday
Everyone was dressed in their best
Looking to the distance
No bride or groom in sight
Everyone was anxious
The hope everything was alright
The priest was getting flustered
He'll be late for the upcoming funeral
The pews were all empty
Wedding days are never dull
It was one of the relatives
Who had some of the blame
She told her little cousin
To behave and not be a pest
Everything was going swell
The bride got her wedding gown on
But her smart phone has frozen
She couldn’t update her Instagram
Georgie boy had something missing
Maybe it had something to do with the rings
He couldn’t remember which coat he wore
And hoped there were no pockets with holes
In that bloody designer thing
Getting her mad on her wedding day
The groom was searching high and low
Looking in a broken Ikea wardrobe
When his phone started to glow
A photograph from his brother
You dumb bugger are you looking for these
He had already given them to his best man
he was actually planning ahead
He was not the man who wanted to wed
So how did he get this far
But she had put that notion in his head
When we was better equipped for war
So he gave in and let her plan
Insisting his wayward brother be the best man
A little church in the countryside
With enough places for a photo for Instagram
So was this wedding built on love and affection
Was it made to make a family
Was there devotion or even emotion
Or was this just for social acceptance
Throwing in a few tags like some fake rings
Listening to the old aunts farting and singing
Photoshop out all of the static and noise
Keeping in only the prettiest of boys
Something to save or quickly delete
Especially after seven years of itchy feet
A wedding is all about a community statement
Paid by a bulging credit card
So hire a Rolls Royce or a chariot of fire
See what golden priest is currently for hire
Exchanging vows like you know how
Then throw out the rules to pasture with the cows
Shooting stars
Alone on top of the world
Many miles away from you
In the cold and in the dark
And I thought I actually loved you
Everyone is stressed at work
Trying to make ends meet
People who lost their dreams
Now living in the street
As my heart pined for someone I didn’t know
Writing fantasies as I watched it snow
Wanting to be held in your arms
This idiot who drowned in your charms
A shallower man in the Kremlin
Declared war on an European state
A sick game were innocents died
This game of chess has no checkmate
Alone on top of the world
I see war machines
Impressum
Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG
Texte: Darren Hobson
Bildmaterialien: Darren Hobson
Cover: Darren Hobson
Lektorat: Darren Hobson
Korrektorat: Darren Hobson
Satz: Darren Hobson
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.09.2023
ISBN: 978-3-7554-5367-3
Alle Rechte vorbehalten
Widmung:
Dedicated to the fearful few, the ones who can see through my red mist Forever grateful for your neverending support.