Introduction

 

The Sparkle that Killed My Loneliness

 

To my dear friend Barbara who always believed in me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright

 Copyright © 2014 by Deborah Weber. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Prologue

 “He could see it in his mind. Her delicate curves, the way she smiled when he told her a joke that wasn’t even remotely funny and the calming air that always surrounded her. He’d only met her once two days ago in a bar and didn’t know her name, much to his annoyance. He’d been too drunk to ask for her name or number.”

I sighed and closed the book. Such stories never happened to me, even if I went into a bar and got drunk (which I did quite often). I considered calling a good friend of mine who had a lot of different contacts and knew quite a few nice people, but then this friend would instantly know that I was desperate and interested in his services. Unfortunately, this friend was the guy who always tried to hook you up with someone no matter what – and it never ended well. So I leant back on my couch and grabbed my beer instead. A shiver ran through my body. I realized I wasn’t wearing a shirt. I also saw that my recent muscle training was starting to pay off; you could clearly see the six-pack beginning to form. I grunted happily and slouched to my bedroom to throw on some clothes.

While I was eating the left-over pizza slices from sometime this week, my thoughts unconsciously wandered back to the story of the book. The love struck main character that couldn’t stop thinking about his anonymous beauty and would do everything in his power to find her and start a relationship. Again, I sighed loudly and sulked over my inability to find a partner. I knew I seriously needed to put an end to this thinking because it wouldn’t get me anywhere.

Then again, what else could I do? I had tried every common way of finding somebody and it either had ended in a fruitless search or some random guy had always beaten me to first talk to possible targets. I sure as hell wasn’t going to use the Internet to have a date, so all that was left was keep going to bars or hope for a miracle.

Chapter One

 God, how I hated travelling with the subway in the early mornings. You could barely keep your eyes open and there were people bumping into you from every side. In summer, as it was now, the air was so stuffy that you were able to smell every stench that was made less than two days ago. Trying not to breathe in too deeply and to snap all my rudimentary social communication cables, I was standing by the door and waited for the train to arrive at my station. As soon as the doors opened, I rushed outside and quickly walked the few meters to my workplace, a small restaurant called “Funny Dancer”. I disliked everything about that restaurant, but the name was especially awful. Maybe my hatred was fueled by the fact that I had a university degree in film theory and now had to work as a waiter. When I’d chosen this course of study, I hadn’t thought about the future job offers that were practically nonexistent. I had picked out the Funny Dancer as a temporary source of income because it wasn’t too far away from my apartment, but I had never found another job and was now stuck with it.

Grumbling, after I unsuccessfully had tried to become invisible, I opened the small back door and silently sneaked up to the changing rooms without being seen by my incredibly annoying co-worker Ashley. I supposed she was a nice girl at heart, but she got on my nerves with her quirky and loud manner.

I slipped out of my street shirt and opened my locker to take out the shirt every waiter at the Funny Dancer had to wear. It was a simple black one that’s fortunately not too tight and not too wide but I still didn’t like the sight of it. Suddenly, I heard Ashley calling my name. Rolling my eyes, I turned.

“Hi Ashley.”

“Jay! When did you come in? I didn’t hear or see you!” she said. I forced myself to talk friendly to her; she wasn’t trying to do me any harm.

“Right now. I need to start working soon. Are you leaving? Or do you have another shift?” I asked.

Ashley answered no and glanced at the big clock on the wall. She shrieked and explained that she had an appointment with a friend and ran off with her stuff. I stood there dumb folded because she was gone as fast as she had appeared.

I walked through the kitchen and took my green apron from the coat hook where all aprons hung. I greeted my boss and soon I was walking around between the tables, taking orders and delivering them. It was a typical work day. Until noon there weren’t many costumers and then the place was crowded for two hours. After the rush, I was back to walking around bored and setting the occasional coffee on a table. My mind had wandered off and before I knew it, my shift was over. Only then I realized that my feet were hurting like hell. Cursing, I vanished into the changing room and sat down for a moment, massaging my slightly swollen feet. I definitely needed another job. I knew I shouldn’t bitch about being employed at the Funny Dancer, since a lot of people were unemployed and had no money at all, but this job just didn’t satisfy me. Before I could start complaining to myself again, I got up, packed my things and made my way home.

As soon as I got home, I fell on my bed and dozed off immediately. Sometime later, my phone beeped and tried to inform me of my missed calls but I paid it no mind. There was no person who would be important enough to get up for. My mother contacted me only on appointed dates, my father had died two years ago because of pancreas cancer and I had no siblings. But my phone wouldn’t give in and so I stood up and listened to the message. It was a message from Ashley.

“Hi, Jay! Too bad I couldn’t reach you directly. I suppose you’re sleeping again? Well, it’s no big deal. Hey, I want to invite you to a certain party! Yes, it’s my birthday party. Ah, actually, my birthday’s in two weeks, but the party’s been set up for Saturday. Listen, it’s gonna be huge! I know, I normally don’t throw such parties, but this time I invited all my friends and told them to invite theirs! There are gonna be a lot of people, you should definitely come, too! I can’t wait! See ya then!”

I started at my phone and tried to understand what that quirky girl had screamed in my now bleeding ears. A party? I didn’t have any plans for Saturday and was always complaining about my missing may-be-date, so why shouldn’t I just stop by? It couldn’t hurt to just look around.

Chapter Two

At a fast pace, I closed the distance between the subway station and the location in which Ashley’s party was supposed to be held. I could hear loud music penetrating my ears when I was still half a mile away. Luckily, the old warehouse wasn’t surrounded by narrow-minded neighbors or there would be cops sprawling all over the place already. I was thinking of possible strategies to approach people that I may find interesting when Ashley spotted me. She shouted, “Jay! There you are! You really came. Come here, I’ll introduce you!”

I flinched mentally. That was not how I had planned things. But now I had no choice. I walked over and smiled innocently.

“Jay, this is Melissa, this is André and that is Tania. Melissa, André and Tania, this is Jay.”

I greeted them awkwardly and they looked like they enjoyed it as much as I did. My face was lit up and emitted heat that I was sure could be felt two meters away. I had to admit; they were all beautiful persons and nicely dressed. I probably looked like a stupidly grinning, poor idiot with street clothes. Ashley hadn’t told me the dress code and now I felt like a stone among diamonds. It was like one of many situations at parties I had encountered as a young teenager. Before this could turn any worse, I excused myself and stalked off, shame burning in my veins.

A few meters away I spotted a buffet with some snacks carefully laid out. Always hungry, I couldn’t resist and started to grab one cracker after the other and was forgetting my embarrassing meeting with the three persons whose names I had already forgotten. While I was chewing the snacks and drifting into my deep but useless thoughts, I saw a person approach out of the corner of my eyes. I paid no attention and continued to eat like a starving horse, asking myself why on earth I had come to this so-called party. Well, at least there was free food.

“You must be pretty hungry to attack those poor crackers in such huge numbers.”

Startled, I turned around and found myself staring into a beautiful face. His bright blue eyes sparkled and his mouth formed a cute little smirk. That handsome face was completed by his dark brown hair and eyebrows. His black eye lashes were pretty long for a guy, and all this together had me enchanted. I glanced down and took in what I could see of his body through his white shirt – well-toned and nicely proportioned. To sum it up, I was stunned.

“I, um, yes. I’m hungry. But … ah, I mean, would you like one?” My God, had I just stammered this awkward sentence that made me look like a shocked little teenager talking to his idol? I was such an idiot. Blushing, I tore my eyes from him and murmured an apology. Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder just when I was turning away.

“Hey, where are you going? I’m sorry if I startled you. And to answer your question: yes, I would like a cracker, thanks.”

Was this even possible? This angelic guy was still talking to me? What kind of sorcery was this? But even better, now I had a chance to make up for my shy and bad first impression.

“You sure startled me. I’m Jay. Are you a friend of Ashley’s?” I handed him a cracker.

“Nice to meet you, Jay. The name’s Reece and no, I’m a friend of a friend of hers. I was practically dragged along and was boring myself until I saw you eating in such a hurry. That cheered me up quite a bit. So you’re also not too fond of being here?”

I nodded and smiled. I liked this guy, not only his appearance. He was the first person at this party who didn’t seem totally weird.

“Well, you’re not the only one looking for an amusement, let’s say it like this. So, Reece, what do you do?”

“I’m a graphic designer. It’s pretty uninteresting and average, so I can’t tell you much. It’s the only thing I was ever good at, so I stuck to it.”

“That’s interesting enough. I think it’s cool that you found a job you’re good at. It’s something people like me can only dream of.”

“What do you do, then?”

“At the moment, I’m a waiter. Yeah, lame, I know.”

Reece smiled sympathetically. He started to open his mouth, but I cut him off, desperate to add that I was more intelligent than required for a waiter, since he had to be reasonably smart and I didn’t want to appear dumb to him. At this, he smirked.

“It’s kinda funny that you seem to care about my opinion even though I’m basically a stranger to you.”

He had me there. What was I supposed to answer? I tried to cover my uncertainty by laughing and saying casually that I always cared about other persons’ opinion. It wasn’t that I was madly in love with him. Sure, I was interested in him, but I couldn’t even say that it was in terms of love. It could just as easily be as a friend. I’d need more time and get to know him better to make that decision. It had been a long time since I had had someone to talk to and this loneliness was showing in my inexperienced and clumsy way of communicating with people. I also didn’t have the easiness to say that I could easily find friends by talking to the same sex. I was bi and could love either sex.

“Is that so? So you’re not really self-confident? That’s a shame. Hey, Jay, what do you say we leave this embarrassing party and go amuse ourselves somewhere else? There must a dozen places that have better entertainment than this here.”

Happy about the turning of events, I agreed and soon we were walking to the nearest subway station, after we had secretly sneaked out. It had been a challenge to avoid being seen by Ashley. That girl was always running around, trying to talk to everyone at the same time. Somehow I felt bad for leaving without saying goodbye to her, but on the other hand I just couldn’t bear staying any longer.

While we were standing in the subway, I had the chance to study him unobtrusively. I was still amazed at this unbelievable beauty. His face seemed perfect to me. His body was equally god-like. How could anyone be so handsome and nice at the same time? Maybe he was just building up a front and trying to gain something by being nice to me, but I seriously doubted it. I was no special person, what would be the purpose of that? However, I couldn’t shake the suspicious feeling that crept from my brain to the heart. I just needed to be careful and regard him as a friend I was getting to know, then nothing bad could happen.

I noticed that Reece once looked at me intensively. I pretended not to realize and stared out the window, even though we were underground. What did he think about me? The longer I stood next to him, the more I felt like an unattractive and boring dork, be that as a friend or possible boyfriend.

After five minutes of silence, Reece looked up and said, “Why don’t we get off here? There’s a good club nearby.”

Since this wasn’t my usual part of town, I could only nod and wonder what his standard for a good club was.

“Ah, by the way, some of my friends are also there. I think you’ll like them.”

My heart sank a little. I wanted to get to know Reece, not all of his friends. While I didn’t mind meeting new people, the fact that his friends were going to be there meant that he would spend more time with them and less with me. Was this jealousy? Why was I thinking I could talk to him alone? It wasn’t as if he owed me anything. We barely knew each other. For some people, this situation would be odd enough, clubbing with a person you didn’t know anything about except the name and job.

“That’s all right. You lead the way.”

We stepped out of the train and took the stairs to the ground. It was a mild night, the city lights shone brightly. I followed Reece and watched our surroundings with interest. The neighborhood seemed slightly dangerous and gave off an impression of twilight. There were people standing together in small groups, their faces hidden by shadows and shades. I could hear muffled conversations, a warning being hissed and the silence that followed whenever we walked past a group.

Reece turned sharply to the left and walked to a shabby-looking door. I was confused and about to ask him if we were at the right place, when he called, “Don’t worry; it’s only the door that looks like this. The club’s sweet.”

I could only trust him and disappeared after him through the door frame, my heart pumping with excitement and nervousness.

Chapter Three

The first thing I noticed was the loud and energetic music. It seemed to enter your ears and head directly to your heart. It instantly heated me up. My eyes slowly adapted to the darkness and after a few seconds I could make out a lot of young people in a fairly big room, dancing, talking (or rather shouting) or standing at the crowded bar. The room itself was modern-looking, with some neon lights on the wall and even sofas in three corners. Reece had been right, the club was nice. I turned to him, smiled broadly and gave him a thumbs-up. He smirked back at me and signalled me to follow him. Together, we pushed our ways through the tight crowd and enjoyed the atmosphere.

After quite some time, Reece stopped and walked to a group of guys that looked about our age. I guessed those were Reece’s friends and examined them a little closer.

There were four of them in total, two girls and two dudes. The girls were pretty and curvy, I couldn’t deny it, and they were dressed appropriately for the event. That’s to say, they wore short and tight miniskirts and a top that was really glittery. The dudes stood there in skinny jeans and a grey and black shirt. They weren’t especially ugly, but next to Reece everyone looked like average. I studied their faces and nodded at them, not attempting to say something in this noise. The girls smiled brightly at me and the dudes nodded back at me. Because I didn’t know what do to now, I started moving my body to the music. It seemed awkward to just stand there and stare at the guys. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Reece dancing as well and released a relieved breath that I didn’t even knew I had been holding.

After about ten minutes and quite an amount of sweat, I was about to indicate to Reece and his friends that I’d go buy a drink when he tapped me on the shoulder and motioned his head towards the bar. We walked to the gathering around it and I was already worrying my brain about how to get the attention of the bartender, but as soon as Reece appeared behind me, the eyes of all the girls were resting on him, as well as the bartender’s attention. I chuckled and was grateful for such good-looking company. Reece ordered two scotches. He glanced at me and I nodded reassuringly, even though scotch was not my favorite. But I wouldn’t complain. Reece handed me my drink and we danced our way back to the group. This evening wasn’t half bad; I was having a lot of fun and got an insight as to how Reece spent his usual party nights.

After about three hours later, Reece, one of the girls and I popped through the door frame of the club. I glanced at my phone for the time. It was close to half past two. The other three friends of Reece had left earlier because of various reasons which had been communicated through shouting. The fresh air revived my lungs and I sighed happily. I was tired and my muscles hurt, but it had been worth it. Smiling, I turned back to the girl and Reece. The girl smiled as well and explained, “I need to go now. Hafta work tomorrow. It sucks. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime…Sorry, what was your name? Jacob? Johnny?”

“It’s Jay. And yeah, I’d like to meet you again somewhere. Bye, then.”

She hugged Reece and stalked away in those incredibly high shoes. After we couldn’t see her anymore, an awkward silence stretched itself between us. I glanced at Reece and caught him glancing at me, resulting in both of us turning our heads away.

“So, Jay, um. It was fun, thank you for coming along. Maybe you want to come clubbing with me and my clique again?”

I grinned and said, “Of course I wanna come again, it was an awesome evening, thanks so much! I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d stayed at Ashley’s party.”

Reece laughed, asked me for my phone number and gave me his contact. He said he’d call me next weekend or whenever he felt like partying. Then he waved and walked in the opposite direction of my way home. I stood there for probably five minutes and let the experiences of the evening settle down in my thoughts. I moved towards the subway and reached my apartment door at around 4 a.m. Sleep came easily that night.

 

The next morning I could barley open my eyes. My head hurt like a beat-up football and the sunlight was too bright. I moaned and rolled out of bed, but unfortunately missed the edge and crashed onto the floor with an almighty bang. The neighbor smashed his fists against my wall and I hurriedly shouted an apology. That guy always heard everything. I lifted my flabby body on my feet and somehow found the kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of water and checked my phone. That was the moment when I couldn’t believe my still tightly-clenched-together-eyes. There was a message from Reece. I grunted in surprise and read it again, this time actually managing to concentrate on the context.

“Morning, Jay. I guess you also have quite the hangover? Haha, sorry. Hey, next Friday is a party from a friend of mine and I wouldn’t mind having you there. Whaddaya say? Reece.”

My heart rate sped up slightly and I couldn’t help but smile. Maybe this was developing the way I dreamed about? However, I couldn’t be sure just yet. It may be that he only wanted me as a friend and nothing more. He didn’t strike me as gay or bi, but then again, you couldn’t be sure about that either. My parents also hadn’t suspected my being bi.

I answered him and then wandered back to my bedroom and dressed myself. I had already put a plan into motion. Today, I would go shopping and buy some new clothes because I really needed a new and better look. With a huge grin, I finished my tour through my bathroom and went to the city for some serious shopping.

Chapter Four

It was frustrating. I couldn’t find anything that suited me or that I had in mind. I checked every store and still didn’t see any piece of clothing which instantly caught my eye. I had never been good at this. And I couldn’t just call somebody and ask him to help me. I was alone and certainly felt lonely. At least there was Reece, if only in my head.

One hour later, I had finished shopping. My prey was meager. A new pair of dark blue jeans, a grey T-shirt, a brown thin leather jacket and a black scarf would have to do. It had looked better on that store window mannequin than on me, but I was really annoyed and tired and couldn’t be bothered to continue shopping. I realized I was only doing this to look better for Reece. I was thinking about him pretty much all the time now and it was getting worse. Okay, maybe I was half in love with him. With his nice and caring manner, his beautiful and bright smile, his shining blue eyes and the perfect dark hair, the toned body… I sighed and immediately bit my lips and looked around. If anyone had seen me, they would have thought I was crazy, sitting alone in a restaurant at a small table, staring into open space with dreamy eyes and sighing. That was so girly.

The next week started as normally as it could get around Ashley and my job at the Funny Dancer. She asked why I had suddenly disappeared at her party and I gave her a pretty good lie about my mother being sick and needing my help. I also looked through the internet and newspapers for a new job, possibly a better one, but couldn’t find anything that appealed to me. It seemed like the market only wanted cleaners and babysitters. The higher vacancies asked for engineers, secretaries, CEOs, teachers and everything else. However, nobody needed a film director or producer.

Wednesday evening, I was bored to hell. And I mean hell. The TV offered no movie worth watching, my fridge was empty, surfing the Internet had gotten boring an hour ago and I had no friends I dared call. I glanced at my kitchen watch. Eight o’clock. Great, what would I do until I could finally go to sleep? My mind unintentionally wandered to Reece. What was he doing now? Was he as bored as me or was he having a great time? I bet the later. Reluctantly, I grabbed my phone and stared at this number which I had saved the morning after he’d given it to me. The sheer thought of calling him and hearing his voice made my palms sweaty and my pulse faster. But I couldn’t. Not today, not tomorrow. I would have to wait until he called me. Everything else would look like I needed him badly. Well, of course that was true, but I didn’t want him to know that I was desperate and lonely or I might chase him away. With an inelegant and loud burp, I leaned forward and dialed the numbers for the pizza service.

I had to admit, Friday afternoon came very slowly. I was again at the Funny Dancer and working the shift around noon. Even though there were a lot of people to be served, my mind was restless and could only focus on the desires my heart was screaming non-stop. I couldn’t concentrate and on my thousandth trip back behind the counter, I suddenly slipped on something and was in the process to landing on my buttocks. As if that wasn’t enough, I frantically tried to hold onto the counter and only got to grab the tablet with the coffee mugs on it. Of course I tugged the whole thing off the table and the coffee mugs flew around the room, spilling their hot contents everywhere. I turned bright red and stood up as fast as I could. My feet carried me to the kitchen and I ran back to the mess, crouched down and started to clean it up. I apologized to the nearest customers. When I tried to stand again, I misestimated the distance to the underside of the table and banged my head hard. I swore loudly and then apologized again, when the customers stared at me indignantly. When I was walking away, I heard several people grunting, chuckling and laughing. I wondered what they were laughing about and turned my head to them. With growing fear, I followed their gaze - only to see my torn and coffee-wet trousers showing off my white underwear. The trousers must’ve ripped open when I had fallen down and stood up so fast. Naturally I tried to cover it up. Naturally too, it was useless and I stormed back into the kitchen with fury and shame burning through my body. This was so not my day.

I endured the rest of my shift with the grace of a newborn horse. I half expected to fall down again anytime soon, so I was nearly kneeling gratefully in front of the clock when it showed me that my working time was finally over. Before anything else could happen, I packed my stuff and sprinted to the subway station, intentionally ignoring the screams which insulted me as a thief.

Half an hour after I had entered my apartment my cell phone started ringing. All the blood rushed to my head and I accepted the call with shaky fingers.

“Jay, so happy I got through to you! I hope you remember me… How was your day?”

“Hello, Reece, how could I forget ya. My day was actually bad – the kind that makes you wanna go back to bed. How was yours? Any better, I hope?”

“Oh no, that’s shit! Mine was all right, nothing special though. But hey, listen, I may be able to cheer you up. Clubbing sound good to you?”

“You bet! I’m happy to get away from here. When and where?”

Reece explained his plan and I agreed maybe a little bit too fast and too enthusiastic. But what was I supposed to say and how should I act? He was the only thought that made me smile during the most awful of days. He was the sparkle that killed my loneliness and let hope rise within my sad little mind. I know it must sound crazy. I’d only seen the guy once. But I didn’t care. I hung the phone up smiling and headed for my dresser.

My feet slammed on the ground as I hurried to the subway. I was already a little late. But it was exactly as I had planned it. It always looked better to arrive a little bit too late than too early. Of course I was wearing the new clothes I had bought and today, my hair was done nicely. I had even bothered with an acceptable aftershave. My heart threatened to let my chest burst and I was so sure that every person around me could hear it beating in rapid fire.

“Just calm down, Jay. It’s Reece. He’s cool, nice, and handsome, you can totally relax with him… Yeah, if he hasn’t suddenly realized what a loser you are!”

Swearing to myself and earning annoyed glances from the passers-by, I caught the subway train as the beeping doors were about to be closed. I squeezed in and rearranged my clothes with the grace of an elephant. Accepting that it was useless, I sighed and concentrated on getting out at the right station. As soon as I was out, my eyes searched the narrow street for the familiar sight of Reece. After ten seconds, they finally found him. Just then, Reece spotted me as well and raised his hand. I strolled over to him and tried to act cool.

“Hiya, Reece.”

He greeted me and we left the street and headed for another one of his favorite clubs. This time though, there were none of his friends present. It was a fact that made me even happier.

“Your friends are gonna come later?” I asked. He shook his head and smiled at me, “No, they’re all busy tonight. So it’s just you and me. Does that bother you?” I shook my head in return and beamed at him.

I was wondering for the twentieth time if he was seeing me as a friend or if he was a little gay and maybe interested in me. I could only guess and warned myself silently that I had to be careful around him as to not spoil my chances.

The evening was developing itself fast. We danced all the time and more than once his arms and hands brushed against me. I wasn’t so sure if it was because of the crowded space or if he was doing it intentionally. Nevertheless, I turned red like a strawberry every single time. The touch of him – even if he didn’t do it on purpose – wasn’t something I could grow accustomed to. I bought him quite a few drinks and he did the same for me. We were like an old ship crew that knew exactly how to treat and react to the other one.

All too soon, people were beginning to leave. I felt it too; the night in this club was coming to an end. However, I didn’t want it to stop just yet. I didn’t want to return to my lonely home, not when Reece was standing right next to me. I was already thinking about what to say to Reece. How could I convince him to move on to another location? Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and found myself staring right in Reece’s beautiful face.

“Jay… The club’s closing soon. But I had a lot of fun with you tonight, so why not let the evening fade away quietly at your place?” Wait a minute. Had I heard that right?

 

Chapter Five

All I was able to manage was to stare at him. The words that were forming in my head wouldn’t transfer to my mouth. Thank god it wasn’t hanging open. I started stammering.

Reece was beginning to feel uneasy, I could clearly see it. His eyes were darting across the room and it was obvious that his mind was looking for a nonchalant excuse. Before all of his courage left him, I finally spoke up.

“Um, I… would love to, yeah. Let’s go to my place, then…” True, it wasn’t very intelligent, but hey, I was proud it at least made sense.

Reece’s smile returned slowly and he inclined his head slightly. We left the club and avoided eye contact on the subway ride. Had I scared him off? Why weren’t we talking? Awful thoughts invaded my brain. Pictures and small film scenes of Reece telling me he wasn’t swinging “my” way and him leaving… What was I supposed to do now? I stole quick glances at him, but startled away when I realized he was doing the same. My hands were sweaty; my pulse was going too fast. I tried to distract myself with studying the other people in the subway train, but that was getting boring five seconds after I started.

The doors opening at the station near my apartment was one of the happiest moments I’d been granted in the last few years. That probably sounds exaggerated, but the tension that had built up during our ride had been becoming unbearable. I waved a hand at Reece and he hurried after me, seemingly as relieved as I was. We stomped to my apartment. Before I opened the door with the key, I breathed in deeply and turned to him, “So, Reece, welcome to my home. Please don’t be too disappointed.” He reassured me he would never be disappointed and entered after my humble self.

He took in the looks of my apartment and made some grunting noises. I showed him every room and handed him a glass of water as I sat down on the couch. Reece was still standing and after a moment’s hesitation, he seated himself right next to me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My breathing became hitched. I slowly turned my head in his direction and once again admired his neat features. Reece’s gaze locked on mine. Was this the alcohol’s fault? Oh my god, was it possible I was drunk as hell and only imaging this? Or were we both boozed up enough to get all sexy?

But then Reece assured me that it was all real by saying, “Jay, I don’t know… how I should start this. Ah damn, I’ve already ruined it. Sorry.” He smiled apologetically. I shook my head until everything became fuzzy.

“No, no, no! Please try to tell me. I’ll listen… Uh, go ahead.”

Reece cleared his throat and spoke in a very confident tone that I was used to hearing from him.

“Jay, I can’t say you were special to me from the beginning. At Ashley’s party, I only saw an opportunity to leave that place in you. Well, maybe I also saw a nice enough guy and a possible friend. When we hung out afterwards, I realized you were really okay. I liked hanging out with you. I thought I had found another mate and was already planning to get you in my circle. Let me explain. I’ve always dated and loved women… So when I saw you again today and your awesomeness, cuteness and uniqueness struck me hard, I was so confused. What was happening – or in that matter, is right now happening to me? Do I love a guy?” He looked me straight in the eyes. “Yes, I do”, he stated.

I was baffled. His courage and confidence were unbelievable. I couldn’t get a word out. Today was not my best rhetorical day. So instead of taking another useless attempt at answering him, I leaned forward and pressed my lips firmly against his.

 

********************************************************

His eyes widened and he tightened up against my body. But his shock didn’t last long. The self-confident Reece returned within seconds. I felt his tongue push against my lips. I felt my cheeks blush and opened my mouth a little. Our tongues met for the first time, feeling each other and fighting for dominance. In the end, I let him claim it. My body felt very hot.

Reece’s hands were all over me. They gripped at my back, softly stroked my hair and caressed my thighs. I was getting turned on. Small moans escaped my trembling lips. Reece pressed me down on the couch and kept me pinned there. He fumbled with my clothes and I started to unbutton his trousers. He chuckled and helped threw my clothes on the floor; I followed shortly after with his own. His left hand touched my groin only lightly, and I bucked my hips upward.

“What a nice reaction… My god, I want you so bad, Jay.”

I groaned in approval and rubbed my groin against his legs. My cock was already half-erected. He grabbed me and started pumping it. I pushed my body up and captured his mouth in a very wet kiss. Salvia drooled down between us. The sight of it must have heated Reece up, because his dick instantly sprung to life.

“R-r-eece... Stop! Please… you’ll make me cum!”

He smirked devilishly but let go of my penis. I was leaking pre-cum like crazy. Panting hard, I just lay there for a few moments. Without warning, I felt something hot, steamy and wet around my dick. I didn’t even need to look to know it was Reece giving me a blowjob. I arched my back at the sensation and lost all sense of rationalism.

“Noo! What are you doiiiiing... This will… ah! mmhh! make me cum even faster! Reece! Ah!”

I felt his tongue slide my shaft up and down, circling on my head and licking the tip. My mind burst into tiny little pieces. I cried out and sucked in big gulps of air. Reece’s hand joined his mouth. The tension in my balls built up. It was already too late to stop it. With an ear-shattering scream, I bit into my hand and came. Cum spurted out of my dick right into his welcoming throat. It was too much for me. I aggressively thrust into his mouth and made him gag while the last of my hot semen flowed inside his body. With a pop I withdrew my soft cock. Sperm dribbled out of the corners of his mouth. Reece tried to swallow what was left. When I sat down again, he walked over, opened my mouth and spit my cum inside. It tasted bitter but got my dick rock hard again.

“Hey, what was that? I didn’t even touch you yet and you make me shoot my load this early…”

Reece looked at me with lust-filled eyes. I stopped talking and gripped his cock hard, smiling evilly at him. My fingers slowly stroked him and I felt him twitch in anticipation. He let out moans that made me really happy. Pre-cum ran down his shaft and stained my hand. I held my fingers to my mouth and sucked them. I squeezed his cock and he bucked wildly into my hand.

“Now now… You like this, don’t you? Horny little man.”

His voice rumbled in his chest and I moved my hand faster to bring him closer to the edge. Thick veins outlined his dick. Reece’s thighs were trembling. My mouth found a nipple and I bit at it. He hissed and I felt his balls tightening. A split second later his cum shot out of his beautiful penis. It landed on my arm and hand. I rubbed all of it over Reece’s chest and started sucking his cock to get it clean. After that, we just lay there boneless, still weak from our orgasms. I crawled over to Reece and soon fell asleep with my head on his manly and strong chest.

********************************************************

The feeling of the sun warming my face woke me up. I stirred and tried to remember where the hell I was. Ah, it was my own apartment. I looked down and realized I was stark naked. What… oh yeah. Reece and I had had a quite satisfying night. Thinking of the devil, where was he?

“Reece, man? You here?” No answer. Swearing, I got up and stretched my uptight muscles. I walked through my entire apartment (okay, since it’s not big it didn’t take long) but there was no sign of him. Had he just left sometime in the night? I checked my phone. Nothing. What the hell? Why hadn’t he written me a message? Was he too embarrassed about what had happened? But it had been his idea!

I was getting worried and nervous. What if there had been an accident in his family or something? There must be a reason he just disappeared. I had already dialed the first digits of his number when I stopped in my tracks and told myself to wait. Maybe he’d come back or call? I would look like a possessive girlfriend if I hysterically gave him a ring and demanded to know where he went. It wasn’t as if we were together…

The speed of the following hours that passed reminded me of a melting icicle. The minutes stretched and stretched and the second hand on the clock took forever to move. I sighed and debated with myself. To call or not to call, that was the question. After another ten minutes I decided against it.

Without thinking, I grabbed a jacket and left the middle of the city. I took the subway to the station close to the lake and sat down on a pier.

I stared out at the lake and found myself thinking deeply about what had happened in the last few days. It was incredible. The whole story with Reece was only days old. It seemed like weeks to me. Did I love him? What a stupid question. I obviously couldn’t stop images and memories of him flashing through my mind. Wasn’t that what everybody called love?

The bay continually filled with ducks. I studied them and was jealous. Their lives were so easy. They didn’t have to worry about having a job, paying the rent and bills, finding a partner, or even about being happy. Why couldn’t I be a duck? Well, on second thought, that idea wasn’t too hot. I’d lose my memories of Reece and that just wasn’t worth it. I grunted, stood up and headed home.

Chapter Six

The night came fast and I still hadn’t heard a word from Reece. I was really worried now. It didn’t matter anymore what he’d think of me. I was going to call him now.

“Hello?”

“Reece, this is Jay. Where are ya?” Silence. I heard him breathing on the other end. I cleared my throat and waited.

“Jay… I know my disappearing without a word must have been a shock for you. I’m sorry. But… Ah god, I can’t! ­­-"

He’d hung up on me. Just like that. Now I wasn’t worried anymore, I was angry. What did think he was doing? During our phone call, I’d heard water moving in the background and a familiar sound of a ship swimming by. I knew he was at the bay. So I went there as well, ready to confront him.

I saw him right after I left the bus. He had his arms wrapped around himself and was looking out at the water. It was pretty cold and he didn’t have a jacket with him. A sudden inspiration dawned on me and I slipped out of my leather jacket and silently walked up behind him. Without saying anything, I dropped my jacket on his shoulders and sat down next to him. I felt him stare at me but didn’t turn around. I would let him consider his next move. However, contrary to my expectations, he didn’t try to explain anything. Instead, he pulled my jacket closer around his body and kept gazing out at the bay. To bystanders, the scene must have looked peacefully. Two men sitting on a pier and looking at the bay with the moon reflecting in the water.

After half an hour, I couldn’t stand the unfinished business between us anymore.

“Reece. I need to talk to you. I know I act like a shy girl most of the time. But now I’m gonna tell you the hard truth, without attempting to sneak my way around it. I love you. With all my heart. Do you fucking hear me? Reece, I love you!”

I shouted the last words and Reece stared at me with utter disbelief on his face. The next thing that happened touched my heart. Tears formed in Reece’s blue eyes. I hugged him tightly and whispered, “Yes, Reece. I love you and I won’t leave you until you wish for me to go.”

He squeezed the living shit out of me and then gave me a tender kiss, murmuring a happy thank you. We earned some disgusted glances from passers-by. Some even made resentful comments. But I only grinned at them and signalled them to walk on. Most people still don’t like or even accept gay love.

After that, we took the subway home together, not caring about how late it was or that we caught the attention of a lot of people. This time, it was my turn to inspect his apartment. Of course, his apartment was stylish, clean and big. The complete opposite of mine. Very shy, not wanting to dirty anything, I moved around and admired his home. When I was interpreting one of the paintings on his walls, Reece came up behind me.

“Jay, I’m sorry I ran away. That wasn’t fair. But I was so confused the next morning. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I didn’t know if you were still okay with our action the morning after. In future, I will be completely honest with you. Promise.”

I leaned back on his strong body and asked with a husky voice, “Aha, so you’ll be honest with me? Then tell me: What do you think about the idea of us doing it right now?” I felt vibrations move through him as he laughed loudly.

“Jay, Jay, Jay. Ever the perverted one.”

I growled at him but let him kiss me as an offering of truce. The feeling of our mouths meeting again with all the intensity and lust was bigger than any example (not) coming to my mind.

 

********************************************************

Sparks shot from our bodies as we crashed to the floor. There wasn’t enough time to move to the couch or bed. The cold and hard floor would have to do. Need pulsed through me, waking up my little friend down there and letting my common sense up there go to sleep. This time, I told myself, would I make him cum before me. I almost ripped the clothes off his body, not caring or checking if I actually tore something. I couldn’t get to his active big cock fast enough. With one hand I twisted a nipple around and the other one occupied itself with his dick. It was leaking pre-cum in massive amounts. Reece closed his eyes and let his head fall back, silently enjoying the treatment. I hummed in agreement and doubled my efforts. When I added biting his neck to my list of activities, Reece came with a very loud cry, spurting all over my clothes and hand. I was sure his neighbors had heard that but didn’t waste another second on the thought. I pressed my sticky, cum covered hand to his mouth and let him lick up his own seed. The view was fantastic and made my dick twitch.

“On your tummy, my love…” Reece slowly undressed me and caressed my back with long strokes and licked at the occasional place. He also jerked me off with fast and hard moves. I was in heaven. At least, until I felt something very weird invade my ass. I hissed and was about to ask what the hell he was doing when he explained.

“I need to prepare you, Jay. I can’t go in with you being as dry as fire wood. Please try to endure it. You’ll like it soon enough.”

I growled and jerked my hips away when his slick finger wriggled inside me. This didn’t feel good in the slightest. It even hurt pretty badly.

“Jay, you’re cramping up. Relax.”

Easier said than done. I felt him adding a second finger. It was as if my ass was about to tear. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I whined. Reece soothed me with his voice and gave more attention to my dick. This helped a lot. The pain faded into the background. I mean, I still registered that he was now scissoring me, but as long as my dick was happy…

After five minutes of this, there wasn’t any more pain. Was I already accustomed to it? Reece suddenly pulled his fingers out. I moaned and was disappointed at the emptiness in my butt. He snickered and took a step forward. I felt something big and thick nudge at my entrance.

“Are you ready for this?” I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut.

He moved very carefully and entered me. The sensation was mind-shattering. It was odd and nice simultaneously. Reece started with slow thrusts.

“Ah! That’s good… You know you’re sticking your dick in my shit hole, right? I’m not even cleaned up properly… Ah!”

Reece gripped at my hips and guided them on his cock.

“Nonsense, Jay. You’re perfect and not dirty. Just enjoy it. God, this feels amazing!”

He picked up the pace and moaned with each thrust. I was also groaning and helped him with the movements.

“You’re so tight! You’re squeezing me more than any pussy I’ve ever tasted!”

This statement did not make me proud or happy. I was almost mad at him for talking about women and pussies while he fucked me.

“Hey, don’t you ever mention women when your freaking dick’s in my ass!”

He apologized fast and fucked me harder. I guess this was trying to make it up to me. I approved of the method and let my voice out. Reece’s balls clapped against my ass. He went in deeper with every thrust. Then, without warning, he hit my prostate. I screamed with pleasure and shouted at him to do it again. With careful aiming, he managed to hit my good spot every time.

Flashes in all kinds of colors appeared in my field of vision.

“Yes, Reece! Yes, again… aaah! Again! More, harder! R-Ree-ece! Yeeeah I’m cumming, oh god! Cumming!”

It was magical. We came together. With an almighty last thrust, he emptied his balls inside me. The sperm shot through my insides, flooding my prostate spot and letting me see stars. I’d cum all over the floor, creating a little pool of white seed.

Reece pulled out of me and fell to the floor. I still had the strength to turn over before my lights went out.

********************************************************

The next morning it wasn’t the warmth of the sun wakening me but the very intense smell of coffee. My body ached everywhere. My back was especially sore, which was not surprising, when one considered last night.

I opened my eyes and there he stood with a mug of coffee and a donut. Truly, I couldn’t feel anything else for this man than pure love.

“Heaven must miss their best angel…” I teasingly said and was, for once since long, finally not lonely anymore.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.02.2015

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