Chapter one: "Why am I thinking about you all the time?"

On the other side of the sea

 

 

 

3 years ago.

 

“The thing is that I am engaged, but I have been having second thoughts lately” I Said.

“Oh, I see. Well… Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure Chris”

“I like you, a lot and I guess that I have feelings for you, I know that we have been chatting only for 4 days now, but yes, I guess I have feelings for you Emma but I don’t want to be in your way. You are engaged and I don’t want to be the cause of you turning your life upside down even if you are already having second thoughts. I know that there is nothing going on between us and that you never said anything wrong to me and never crossed the limits, but I certainly don't want to cause you any problems.”

“I like you too Chris, I don’t mean to be rude but I need to focus on what to do with my life right now because everything is so complicated. We can still chat as friends for now and we will see what will happen, plus, don’t forget that I live here and you live on the other side of the earth, literarily…”

 

“okay. I know and I understand. We will keep chatting for now and if you need to talk about anything you know that I am here for you.”

“I know Chris, thank you and I am here for you too. I just need some time to know what to do and of course we will keep chatting. I have to go now but I will talk to you tomorrow night my time (tomorrow morning for you right?)”

“Yep, exactly, I will be online around 8 am waiting for you”

“Great, talk to you tomorrow then, bye :) ”

“Take care :) ”

 

I signed out. "Oh my, what am I doing? Why am I thinking about you all the time Chris?"

 

I don’t know what am I doing, I am engaged, I love my fiancé even though we have been having a lot of problems lately and I am starting to have feelings for a completely stranger that I chat with on a chatting website, plus, he is not even Lebanese but American. What on earth am I doing?

I looked at the clock right next to my bed and saw that it was 11 pm so I decided to take a shower and try to sleep because I have to wake up at 8:00 am tomorrow to go to work and luckily I live close from the office so I don’t have to wake up at 7 am because I am not a morning person.

I jumped into the shower and tried to think about what Chris just said. He likes me? Well… I like him too but… I am engaged and we only have been chatting for 4 days now, how on earth do I know if I like him? Isn’t it too soon?  Emma, focus on your fiancé now, you need to sort things out with him first, you have been dating for 5 years now, recently got engaged and you can’t just throw everything away because of a guy you are chatting with on some random chatting website and just because you think that he is kind and sweet. You are 25 now and Chris is 32, so you should both stop acting like teenagers. 

 

The next day I went to work and logged in on Skype. Chris is online. Why is he online? If it’s 8:55 am here then it should be …. Midnight in Colorado, is he okay?

“Hey”

I waited for 10 minutes, no reply…

“Good morning :) , sleep well? “

“Not really, you know me, I never sleep well. How are you? Why are you online at this time?”

“I work from 10 pm till 6 am remember? This gym opens 24/7 but I can still chat on Skype from time to time”

“Oh yeah right, I forgot, you got me worried when I saw you online at this time. How was your day?”

“It was alright, had lunch with my sister and my brother, went out with some friends and now I’m here. I’m a little busy so I might not be able to chat a lot but I am here and don’t go anywhere!”

“ hehe fineee, I just need to make a cup of tea because I am still sleepy, brb 5 minutes”

“Take your time and btw, you’re the only person I know who doesn’t drink coffee especially in the morning”

“ lol there’s a lot of things about me that you still don’t know Mr. “

“So hurry up because I want to know everything about you Ms.”

After 5 minutes.

“Back”

“Welcome back, I have a 15 minutes break so we can chat : ) “

“Great, so what do you want to know about me?”

“Hmmm, do you have any siblings?”

I told him that I have 2 younger sisters, Jess is 23 and Rachel is 20. I adopted a cat 3 years ago and he is my whole life now, his name is Ryan, strange name for a cat, I know, but that’s what they called him at the shelter and he is used to it. I work in a real estate company and I love my job, I studied graphic design in collage, I still work in graphic design but as a freelancer, and he told me that he also studied graphic design but didn’t finish it, has a brother and a sister, both younger than him, Abby is 28 and Kyle is 25.

“How about your fiancé? Do you want to talk about him?” He asked.

“Hmmmm okay… his name is Johnny, he is 30, he is very kind and sweet, there’s nothing wrong with him and I love him but the problem is that I don’t want to live here my entire life and he wants to stay here so I don’t think that I can continue doing this, I feel like I am suffocating, don’t get me wrong, I like it here, my family and my friends are here, we have so much fun, we go out a lot, but this is not what I am looking for, not fun, I need a secure and safe future and it seems that every time I talk about this with him he gets mad and changes the subject. I feel like after we get married I will be stuck here.”

“ I understand but if he really loves you then why is he not doing anything about it since you told him that you are suffocating and that you really want to leave?”

“I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t like change but he knew from when we first met that I want to leave, anyway, time will tell.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure that everything will be okay and if you need to talk about anything, I’m always here for you, you have my mobile number so just text me”

“Thank you : ) “

“I have to get back to work, I will message you from time to time”

“Sure, take care”

“You too beautiful, have a nice day, oh and btw, are you beautiful? You need to send me your picture.”

“I will, message me before you go home because I want to see your picture too”

“Okay sure : ) , talk to you later then : ) “

I had a lot of work to do so time flew by so fast and it was already 12:30 pm, lunch time and I am starving because usually I don’t have breakfast. I sent a message to Chris to see if he can chat.

“I’m here, lunch time already?”

“Yep, I’m starvingggg”

“What’s for lunch? Chicken sandwich :P “

“Haha so funny, you know that I am vegetarian so are you trying to make fun of me Mr. Chris?”

“ Oops, sorry, nope. So how is your day going so far?”

“Great, my boss and I are working on a new project with an Australian company in Brisbane so I might go there for 2 weeks.”

“Oh cool, when?”

“ Well it’s February now so we still have to sign the contract …. Hmmm let’s say in July maybe”.

“Great, are you going alone or with your fiancé? Since you both work in the same company?”

“Alone I guess.”

“Cool, who knows what might happen till July ;)”

“Hehe yep. So what kind of music do you like? What’s your favorite color?”

“I like soft rock, I like Lifehouse, 3 doors down and this kind of music and my favorite color is black, how about you?”

“Same for the music and same for the color, I absolutely love black, and I also like white and gray”

“Can I see your picture now or should I wait till 5 pm?”

“Ok sure and send me your picture too.”

I sent him my pictures and he sent me his. OH MY GOSH, he is just gorgeous: dark blonde hair, hazel eyes, he had distinct cheekbones and an angular jaw; his pale skin makes him look devilishly handsome, athletic body, of course since he works at the gym... He was wearing a black top, black looks good on him… and he already told me that he is 5’9” which is great for me because I am 5’7”, I have long dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and I'm fit.

“I was right, you are beautiful, I wish I was there right now to hold you close and kiss you…”

“You are beautiful too Chris…”

“You don’t have to say anything, I understand. What are you doing after work?”

“I will go to the gym for 2 hours, I have a boxing class every day for 2 hours, and then will watch a movie with Alex”

“wow impressive, then maybe we should wrestle someday”

“why not Mr. Chris”

“Great Ms. Emma, looking forward to that day”

“ Me too! I have to get back to work now, talk to you later, bye”

“Bye beautiful”.

Wow, he is sooo cute, not only kind but beautiful too, what am I going to do?

“Hello, earth to Emma” I heard someone talking to me.

“ Hmm hi Johnny, how are you?”

“Are you okay? Looks like you were thinking about something”

“Yeah I am fine, I have a lot of work to do so I better finish this contract.”

“No problem, see you tonight, don’t forget, movie night”.

“Sure, bye”.

Chris, I wish you were here. Hmm wait, what? Emma what on earth are you talking about? No, no, no, you can’t fall in love with him, he is miles away and you are engaged, before you leave work you have to tell him that you can’t keep chatting with him anymore, it’s the right thing to do.

 

~~Let me know what do you think about it so far to see if I should upload the rest or not :) ~~ Thanks.

Chapter two: “I can’t keep doing this”

 

 

“Hi beautiful”

“Hey :) , tired?”

“A lottt, can’t wait to get home, how was your day?”

“Busy, on my way home too. I need to talk to you, message me when you wake up okay?”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Yeah I’m fine, I just need to talk to you”

“Sure, talk to you later then”

How am I going to tell him that I can’t keep chatting with him? I can’t do it, I’m falling in love with him…

I went home, took a nap then went to the gym for 2 hours, took a shower and received an sms from Johnny saying that he will order pizza and he is waiting for me to watch Fast & Furious 6.

When I arrived, I barely looked at him, this situation is getting more complicated now, he knows that I don’t want to stay here and he is not doing anything about it and I am really tired of this.

“I might go to Australia in July, Estelle sent me an email today and they want me to go for 2 weeks”

“Alone?”

“Yes, I will sign a contract with them so I can apply for the visa. You know that I can’t get the visa without a proof that I know someone there and why am I going, and for work it should be easy and she will send me an invitation of course.”

“Can’t I go with you?”

“Hmmm I don’t know, she knows that we are engaged, but she only asked me to go.”

“Okay, we will see.”

“Johnny if they will give me the visa, I will try to find a sponsor there so I can go and work in Australia, I don’t want to stay here and you know it.”

“Don’t be silly, you won’t find a sponsor, no one will pay 15,000 $ for the government just so you can work there.”

“At least I have to try” and I thought to myself that maybe Chris can meet me there, but no, I will tell him tonight that I can’t keep doing this…

I arrived at home around midnight and logged in to Skype.

“Good morning” Chris sent me this message at 10 pm my time so he woke up at 1 pm his time.

“Good morning :), did you sleep well?”

“Oh hello there, yes thanks. I was starting to think that you fell asleep.”

“Nope, I’m still awake”

“I miss you Emma, I don’t think that I can’t still talking to you like this as a friend, I want more, I don’t want to regret anything later.”

Great, what am I going to do now? I can’t tell him that this is what I want, I can’t, it’s the right thing to do, I have to be strong.

“Chris, I miss you too and I’m not going to deny it, I want more than this, but I can’t, I’m engaged, I need some time to think about this, maybe it’s better for us to stop talking for awhile, just give me some time and you have to think about this too.”

“Wait, what? Stop talking for awhile? No Emma, I want to talk to you all the time, I don’t want to get in your way but at least give us a chance, I know that you like me too, I’m falling in love with you and I know that you are too, give us a chance, I know that you are engaged but you are having second thoughts, I won’t push you, just give us a chance please and if you will go to Brisbane we can meet there, please, think about it.”

“I would love to see you there but Chris I can’t, please understand me, just give me some time, it’s complicated and you don’t need someone like me now in your life, believe me.”

“No, I want you in my life, I need you, I know that long distance relationships are hard but we can’t try.”

“I will think about it but for now, we need a break, please.”

“Whatever you want Emma, I’m always here for you and I love you, I mean it.”

He loves me? I love him too but I can’t say it… it’s not right…

“I know, thank you Chris for everything, you are amazing, take care of yourself, we will keep in touch.”

“You too.”

I logged out, I didn’t know what to say, what have I just done? I don’t want to lose him but it’s the right thing to do and if we are meant to be together then it will happen eventually.

“Don’t cry Emma, don’t cry”

I closed my eyes, I don’t want to cry, but the tears just fell down my cheeks. I love him, yes I love him and I just lost him…

Chapter Three: "This is not over yet"

 

 

 

Chris’s Point of View.

“I know, thank you Chris for everything, you are amazing, take care of yourself, we will keep in touch.”

“You too.”

I waited for her to say something, to say that she is sorry for what she just said, but she logged out.

This can’t be real, I finally found her, I need her back, I will show her that I really care about her, I will. I decided to leave her a message, I know that she will read it tomorrow morning.

 “Emma please don’t do this, we both care about each other, give us a chance, we can make this work, I will meet you in Australia and you will see that we are perfect for each other, think about it, I won’t bother you again. I love you.”

Yes I love her, I can’t stop thinking about her and for me, this is not over yet, I will fight for her.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 26.02.2016

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