Introduction

LIVING AS A FIGHTER

 

JORDAN WADLEY
and Amy Finley

 

“She understands now what she, in all her worry, had forgotten. That even as she hesitates and wavers, even as she thinks too much and moves too cautiously, she doesn't always have to get it right. It's okay to look back, even as you move forward."  -Jennifer E. Smith

Some people are afraid of what they have yet to understand, and like many, Raychelle was someone many would categorize as misunderstood. At a younger age than most, losing her mother affected both her brother and her father. While some may turn to alcohol to dim the emotional pain, her father, Glenn, found another strategy. Living with an angry tempered and bitter man began to affect Raychelle as well and the fear she lived within daily began to play twisted jokes on her head. One day, when the games continue to go on too far, she's placed in a local hospital. Her brother, Tyler, not able to handle seeing his sister go through so much pain takes her away. With the two sharing secrets from one another, lies are shared and secrets are uncovered between the two. Who knew one could hold such promise?

Chapter One

Degenerated. Rejected. Secluded. I've been described as worthless for a while, by a various amount of people. No amount of apologies or blessings could stop the leaking faucet of emotion that I've tried so desperately to turn off. No screw can keep the body armor that I've tried so mercilessly to steady from falling apart. The world is a murky and cold yet bitter place, a place where happiness is only a figment of your imagination, and you don't realize this until you're told so... do you? The world that we live upon is just the mere concept of what our own imagination can paint. Tragedies and the everyday life and death experience that we tend to suffer through is just a mere life cycle, one in which I've yet to accept.

As a child I'd push away those who'd dare to stand near me, I'd hurt those who'd love me and I'd damage the trust of those who gave me there all. For what reason? There wasn't one. I was vaguely the only being that didn't deserve happiness on different accounts. The nightmares had only vanished, but I knew it was short lived. The world of my dreams weren't near as tragic as reality and I have yet to notice the gleaming aura that some say deems away my affairs. True, I had no reason to wallow in my pity but my soul leaves me no decision of my own.

A slight yet welcoming sting to my left cheek brought me down to earth until his angered eyes stared down on me with hatred. There never was any other emotion, other than anger of course, that I've noticed before she left us. His large hands wrapped around the base of my neck, forcing me to look away from my big brother's crumpled body now unmoving on the carpet floors.

"What have I told you? I just asked of you to just listen to me, just one god damned time!" I braced myself for the merciless hit that would puncture my already bruised body. My aching muscles wouldn't move unless a wince was provided as well, my bruised bones weren't to be touched unless a cry of pain was presented. The reality that I now lived in today was merely just a cruel awakened nightmare not too long ago. But when she left us my nightmares slowly but surely forced its way through reality until my nightmares were simply the only place left I was at peace.

He grew angry that I have yet to reply to his cruel and harsh words, his brown eyes darkened with rage until all he could do was look back at me with disgust. I looked so much like her it pained him, in fact I looked too much like her which meant I was merely a 'disgrace to the family'.

"I said answer me Ray, or god damn it I'll be the last goddamned person you ever see!" He threatened. I could only be thankful that he wasn't drunk today or Tyler's beatings would have been worse, much worse, which is what I feared at first until I stepped between Tyler and Glenn. He had no alcohol on his breath which meant he was simply just angry. I knew I could deal with his anger but I was only based on luck for I knew that he would've already completed his threat if he were drunk.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking!" I pleaded grasping desperately onto his large palms for support against the hard wall pressing firmly into my bruised backside while his hands tightened around my neck. My blue eyes flicked from side to side to keep the liquid from blurring my visions, I could already feel my face going numb with the amount of pressure his forefinger and thumb were permitting as I could no longer breath. Angry rasps were being sucked through what little oxygen I could summon but not enough to keep my body from numbing from the lack of oxygen my body was so severely stolen from me. The only thing I could be thankful for was the concept that he would release me once my body went limp, but as I looked into his angered face I doubted my theory. Fear struck at my heart and my blood pumped vigorously through my veins begging to release blood into my face. I could practically feel my face turning darker shades of red as the seconds ticked by. Though only seconds had passed it felt as if minutes had crumpled beneath my feet and I could no longer feel anything.

One last look at my little brother's limp body, I let darkness over ride me knowing for a fact that Glenn wouldn't touch Tyler while he was unconscious. My nerves were raked uncontrollably for fear of what he might do, I could no longer see or feel anything related to my human form but I was still fearing if he'd released me yet. If he was however, still holding me, then I may never wake from this peaceful darkness.

I continued to listen to the slight echo of my thoughts while staring off into nothingness, there was simply no temperature. A smile graced my lips thinking of all the possibilities that I may never wake, I've always found my dreams to be so much better than reality, but then again doesn't everybody? With that last thought I let myself drift off in the darkness, not knowing of what lay beyond that simple boundary but feeling the comfort the darkness permitted allowing myself to close off from the world around me.

*****

A beaming light pierced through my darkly lit eyelids sending an earth shattering headache through my skull as I grunted in protest. Brightly lit colors glowed with glee while a darker background looming like a never-ending shadow. Noises could be heard in the distance but they were blurred with the wind that sent chills down my spine. Meekly I pressed the base of my palm into the temple of my forehead applying increasing pressure until it became too much to handle. A slight chill on my arms had me gasping from the cold touch but I recovered quickly when the touch sent warmth to erase the strange feeling.

"It's okay, he left." A familiar voice spoke, their voice echoing like waves through me head. I grunted in annoyance before finally rolling over to my side. Everything felt weak and broken as I strangely found myself missing that empty darkness I once sat in.

"Where'd he go?" I asked the blond next to me, he also had few bruises beneath his eye but they were faint unlike the others that I knew rested beneath his thin shirt.

"He left a few hours ago saying he had work to do." Tyler spoke not disgusting the hatred for the bitter man. I had no doubt in my mind that Tyler would run soon, his disgust and anger towards Glenn was undisguisable and his gang would no doubt take him in. Tyler was accepted in the Blood Gang for his friend, Cole, was the gang leader and his best friend. The gang didn't know of Glenn's physical abuse and Tyler vowed that one day he would come for Glenn. I guess you could say I was thankful that my brother had my back but he failed to see what Glenn did when he was drunk. Tyler would grow angry and leave before Glenn could do anything to him while drunk but doing so left me in Glenn's grasp. I'd never known Glenn to be a gentleman. Before my mother's death he would only use words to hurt my brother and I but after the tragic death he had no reason to use words when he could simply... beat us.

"Sis, you okay?" Brought back to earth from my thoughts again, I gave my brother my attention and forced a ghost of a smile on my dried lips. The bed that I laid on was softer than the one at my home, and the pillows held my head up at just the right amount. Not enough to cause pain to my neck for the bruises still rested above my collarbone. I could still see the sad smile Tyler presented.

"Yeah, you?" I asked hopeful that he would leave me with my thoughts.

"Of course, just making sure you're okay. Don't think too much okay, it's nothing. We'll get out of here soon enough." The pain that Glenn inflicted upon me was nothing compared to the emptiness in my heart knowing I simply just wasn't good enough for anyone to love. I was worthless, as Glenn might say. I am worthless.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'm going to get some sleep until he decides to come get us." Closing my eyelids I begin to fall back into the peaceful darkness once more, that was until he shook me awake again.

"Actually someone's here to pick us up, I didn't want you going home just yet." Tyler spoke sheepishly. I stared at him in horror knowing that the person would see the bruises that painted my face as well as his and if anyone were to find out, Glenn would-

"No, no no no no no Rayray calm down. You need to breath, slow breaths." He spoke rapidly but calm all at once. The only thing that seemed to run through my head was the danger that awaited for us, Glenn wouldn't let me off so easy this time. I knew what he was capable of and if Glenn found out anyone was helping...

"Someone help!" I vaguely heard his voice shout in the distance not seconds later many different hands were roaming my body. I screamed in horror and alarm as Glenn's angry face kept flashing before my eyes, his hand slamming down on my face smiling wickedly as he pulled his pants down to knee height.

"Raychelle!" Tyler's alarmed voice yelled in fright but was abruptly cut off with a horrified scream, I didn't realize it was mine until warm arms embraced me and I was slammed into a warm chest. Tyler. My breaths became rapid, Glenn's face wasn't flashing as frequently as before yet I couldn’t stop myself from quaking with fear. Words could be heard by the owner of the other hands and I clung tighter to my brother in hopes of disappearing.

"It's alright nurse, she just has panic attacks sometimes and she thought I said something else so I'm just going to take her home." Tears streamed down my face, no longer running, but dried against my now sticky face.

"Ty," I barely managed to whisper. I noticed that we had stopped walking but even with the people surrounding us, I couldn’t stop the sudden flow of tears. All my life I'd been scared of what Glenn said and did, I was always scared of what he might do to me but most of all I was completely and utterly terrified of what Glenn may do to Tyler. He was the only family I had left and to lose him too, I don’t know if I could suffer through another sudden death.

Glenn's angry face suddenly appeared around the corner, marching with hatred staring at me and my brother. He was completely livid and it seemed like this time I wouldn't be able to stop him. I shook with terror in Tyler's arms, but he seemed unfazed by Glenn's angry raid, Tyler simply looked past him and continued walking. I screamed in sheer horror when Glenn pulled a gun from his waistband and pointed it between Tyler's eyes, the ringing of the gun echoed in my head shattering my heart in pieces as I clung tighter to Tyler.

"Ray what the hell is wrong?" Tyler screamed. I blinked with realization, Glenn no longer stood in front of us with a gun and the halls that Glenn had suddenly appeared from were now as empty as a cemetery. I closed my eyes begging to calm my beating heart, the peaceful feeling I had before I woke to my daily nightmare was now consuming me. Tyler stared at me incomprehensibly but continued to the double doors, ready to meet the person on the other side of the double doors. I wanted to meet who Tyler told about us but my eyes simply wouldn't allow this so they shut down on their own accord and darkness consumed me.

Chapter Two

I felt myself slipping from the peaceful darkness I've grown accustomed to, almost everything in my body ached when I managed to turn slightly onto my side. Something ruffled to the left of me, almost immediately freezing me of the pain I felt. My heart pounded like a series of drums going off in my head, the screaming voice in my head told me to run for my life while another part of me wanted to just curl into a ball and cry. I opened my eyes and peeked at the figure next to me, feeling the blood pumping through my veins faster as the moments ticked by. The figure's large form was tucked neatly into a curled position, Tyler, I thought. I felt the tension in my muscles relax almost instantly. Glenn never slept in a fetal position, Tyler, however, did every night when he came to comfort me during my daily nightmares.

I used my shaking arms to push myself up into a sitting position, only to fail miserably.

"I wouldn't try to move for a few more minutes, you're brain is trying to physically relax your tense muscles. Tyler gave you some medicine before he laid you down." At first when the person's voice reached my ears, I could feel myself going into a series of panics. That was until a small blonde female walked through the door, a bright smile plastered on her flawless face. Her big brown eyes gave her an 'I'm innocent' look, however I was still wary of her. "I'm Mia."

A ghost of a smile appeared on my face as I studied Mia, she was shorter than I, but her defined muscles told me she worked out daily. She reminded me of a friend I used to have, the way she smiled and her height brought back memories of the happy days before my momma's death. I saddened just thinking about the recent activities; Glenn growing angry because I stood in front of Tyler, wrapping his hands around my throat, being put in the hospital. Tyler telling someone about us!

Mia must've noticed the sudden change of mood because she rushed over and handed me a glass of water followed by a strange blue looking pill. I looked at her with alert, ready to bolt if she said anything remotely related to Glenn.

"Don't worry, he didn't tell me anything. He came in with you passed out in his arms, Cole told me not to press the matter so I was stuck with making sure I gave you this pill when you woke up. It will relax your tense muscles so you don't strain yourself, your bruises are already patched up with miracle mix so it shouldn't take too long for ‘em to heal up." She smiled encouragingly and placed the pill in my shaky fingers. I threw the pill in my mouth and swallowed quickly before I could think twice.

"Th-" My voice croaked terribly, closing up slightly when I tried to talk. She only smiled and handed me the water.

"You're welcome, you don't have to thank me since I kind of owe you." She said sheepishly. I knew my voice would betray me once again so I could only look at her questioningly, she caught on with a gentle smile. "Tyler asked you for money a couple of days ago, I had to pay for payments for my brother's ticket fines so I went to him. He told me you were saving the money up for a while, but helped me out anyway. Thank you, I really appreciate it."

I finally recognized her from that day she came to the house, asking Tyler some private questions. I'd been saving the money to get my own car because Glenn refused to do so, it took me two years to make the money so I wouldn't have to walk to school everyday. However when Mia came to Tyler practically in tears to get her brother out of jail, I had to help.

FLASHBACK

"Oh my god Lee," Tears streamed down the blonde's face, her mascara smeared under her eyes unattractively while I tried to back out of the living room. She fell to her knees sobbing with hiccups as Tyler tried to comfort her, pity and helplessness filled his deep blue eyes. "I can't do this anymore, I don't have the money! I still haven't paid for my rent. How could he do this to me... again?" Her hoarse voice cracked at the end, her words barely audible.

"It's okay Mimi, we'll help him. I just gotta find some money first okay, maybe I can make a deal with Jared." He suggested. The girl's sobs stopped abruptly and her hands wrapped tightly around Tyler. Maybe they're dating or something, I internally guessed.

"Please don't!" she begged. "I can't lose you too..." Again her voice cracked. I found myself staring at the silver chess on my dresser, the constant sobs of the girl's cries dug a hole deeper into my heart with each hiccup. "I don't want to ever see you around Jared again!" She scolded. I silently creeped over to my silver chess, knocking over my picture frame of me and momma in the process. The girl's cries stopped instantly, as did Tyler's comforting words.

"Raychelle?" Came Tyler's reply.

"No?" I tried, cursing myself for being so stupid. He sighed audibly, almost immediately footsteps were heard down the hall. "What did you hear?" He asked worriedly. His eyes traveled down to the silver chess in my hands, blue eyes staring curiously at the encrypted box in my hands. "What's that?"

"I-I know," I tried, nervously. "Her brother's in trouble." Holding my breath for the moment he might get angry that I was secretly eavesdropping. I didn't wait for his reply, afraid he might get angry with me. I took the silver chess with me and walked into the living room where the blond sat curled into a small ball. Her glass brown eyes looked sad and helpless, staring at the wall, yet staring at nothing. She looked distant and torn from the world, the tears however continued to slowly glide down her pale face.

"Um..." I wandered off uncomfortable.

"Ray-" Tyler began.

"Here, please take this." I pushed the chess into her arms. For a moment she seemed to not comprehend that I was handing her something, until her beautiful brown and innocent eyes travelled down my thin arms and to the the silver chest that was being pressed firmly into her hands. She sucked up the few tears that promised to escape, not being able to help it I wiped the tears away and looked deeply into her eyes. "It's a gift, Tyler told me you needed help."

I could practically feel Tyler's glare in the back of my head but refused to turn to meet his glare. Normally I would, being the stubborn person I am, but I was too busy making a promise with the blonde before me. I looked deeply into her eyes, as she seemed to be searching for something. She opened the tiny box and gasped at the neatly folded bills that aligned the bottom of the box. She looked into my eyes. She was no longer searching for her answer, for she already knew, but her brown eyes showed promise. "Thank you."

She grasped onto my neck for dear life and sobbed into my shoulder, I no longer felt guilt in my heart. The weight I felt every time she cried into my shoulder, was instantly lifted like magic. I smiled, and wrapped my arms around her small frame, even if I didn't like touching people I made an exception. "Thank you." She murmured again.

As I now sat on the warm bed, facing the familiar blond, I could still see the admiration she had for me.

"You're welcome."  I whisper, she notices the recognition in my eyes and smiles brightly.

"You do remember!" She laughs, quieting down when Tyler grumbled and covered his head with a pillow. "Sorry." She whisper-laughs.

"Come," She grabs my hands gently, slightly pulling me from my sitting position. I flinched when she abruptly took off into the kitchen with my hand still in a soft grip. Unlike Glenn, she was soft and gentle when grabbing me. Sure not to hurt me, I appreciated her delicacy but I was slightly upset at the mere concept that she thought I was fragile. After years of dealing with Glenn and his abuse I learned to hide my emotions as if it were a daily routine. "You haven't eaten in two days!"

I look at her baffled, my mouth hanging slightly open. I tugged to a stop, happy that she obliged instead of ignoring my actions like Glenn had the intent to do.

"How long exactly have I been asleep?" I asked, nervous to hear the answer.

"Well, you were asleep, total, for three days. But you woke up once in the hospital, then again a few minutes ago. But you've only slept like a day and a half each time. We tried to feed you a couple of times but it didn't work." She laughs. I couldn't help the smile that tried to force its way on my face, her laughter normally got that reaction out of me, unlike most people. Once we each had our own bowl of cereal Mia led the way to the living room and plopped down on the sofa, setting the cereal on the table for a moment to find the remote. Her long and slender frame scattered across the room to retrieve the remote and flipped it on a random channel.

"Yes! How I Met Your Mother!" I shouted with glee, earning a startled expression from Mia. She laughed at my enthusiasm with open arms and hugged me tightly.

"Oh my dear Shelly," She laughed. I couldn't help but laugh at the nickname she made for me.

"What in the hell?" I heard a distant voice shout, surprised, from the living room hallway. There, in the entrance, stood Tyler gaping at me like a fish out of water. "Did you just... did you laugh?" He asked. I didn't have time to respond before he charged into the room and jumped on top of me, almost killing me and Mia. She screamed when she noticed him flying through the air, then screamed again when he practically landed on me. I couldn't help but laugh at the similar family bonding, earning a broad smile from Tyler.

"You did laugh!" He hugged me, holding on as if it would be last time he ever got to see me again. Once he finally settled down, he stared at me with glassy eyes. I couldn't help the protective mode that over rode my body when I noticed a tear slide down his masculine face. "I've missed you so much Rayray."

I clung onto him like I did before momma passed away, that earned a choking sob from Tyler and a smiling Mia to my left. Rayray was a childhood name he'd stuck with when we were little, I missed him. I missed us.

"God, I've missed you so much." He laughed, then without hesitation he flipped our position where I was sitting on him yet still facing the flat screen television. We use to snuggle on the couch like this when we were little, comforting one another. I didn't mind spending quality time with Tyler, within a few moments I was already feeling like myself. Smiling and laughing was something I'd grown to hate, I would hide my emotions from those that tried to get near me. For once I decided to make an acception, I would trust Mia and I wouldn't hide from everyone. I was going to be the Raychelle that made everyone smile, the Raychelle that didn't care what anyone thought of her. I was going to be the girl my momma taught me to be.

"Barney:'I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there'. Laser Tag Kid: 'What's that got to do with Laser Tag?' Barney: 'Everything!'" I quote along with Barney and the kid, while Tyler and Mia laugh at me.

"Wow, I knew Tyler was crazy about this show, but even he can't quote their exact words!" Mia exclaims, completely and sarcastically exasperated.

"Where do you think I get it from?" Tyler asks, jutting his thumb in my direction. I smile innocently and jump in my seat.

"Okay, hush. They're about to start!" I hush them hurriedly. Mia chuckles at me and turns back to her bowl of cereal that spilt some when Tyler jumped on us. Mia and I were going to actually be friends, I would make sure of this.

Impressum

Texte: Jordan Wadley
Bildmaterialien: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=DB0xRYY_stsIvM&tbnid=ap0kHXyCsGyDbM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mrcarbonneau.me%2Fkreapp%2Fweb_development.aspx%3Fcategory%3Dicons%26sub_category%3Dletters_fire%26
Lektorat: Amy Finley and Deanna Wadley
Übersetzung: No translator needed
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.10.2013

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Widmung:
I dedicate this book to those who have been mistreated, misunderstood, and lied to. There's always a second chance. This book was written on a real life situation that a friend of mine suffered through. However, many of the things in this book is fiction.