Why Love Succeeds or Fails
Why Love Succeeds or Fails
By Wendy Brown
I am a Passionate Adventurer.
Here is my description of my love attitude.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I’m a Passionate Adventurer lover.
I’m a courageous person; life and love strengthen me. When I fall in love, I believe in myself and I see myself going on a passionate adventure. It’s a great opportunity for me to explore, using my lens on the world and my sense of humour. I’m confident enough to make split-second decisions and go forward immediately. That’s all part of the adventure for me. I don’t like anyone or anything interfering with my spirit for adventure. I can’t stand it to be bored, fenced in
or cornered.
In a nutshell, my attitude to love is that I am on a mission. I believe in myself and I’m courageous in my love relationship which is:
• An adventure that I’m passionate and wilful about.
• Adventure: Even when I do ordinary and routine things, my thoughts, feelings and actions make them into explorations and humorous exploits.
• Romantic and passionate if and only if my lover and I believe in each other.
These are my potentially lovable features.
I know I probably seem slightly mysterious when I meet a potential lover. There’s a tiny part of me that can’t be won; at the end of the day I answer to myself. That’s how I justify believing in myself. My lovers typically find it very appealing to see if they can figure me out and then have me answer to them because of our love and their importance to me. This will never happen, but it’s is no reflection on the strength of my love for my lover or his importance in my life. I just have a pact with myself that I won’t break.
As my lover and I go forward into a love relationship, I increasingly develop courage because I see myself on an amazing quest filled with emotional and sexual exploration. This is what I’m meant to do: Believe in myself and go with my gut.
I have a unique perspective, strong feelings, a sense of humour and personal dignity. I do my best to build a love relationship that empowers me. I love to sit back and poke fun at the trying and boring parts of life. I’ve had lovers fall in love with my sarcasm and wit.
When my lover and I are in love, I think to myself that this is our big chance to go forward with confidence. I sincerely hope that my lover is made of strong enough stuff to go the distance with me.
These are my potentially lovable or dislikeable features.
As time goes on and I’m happy in my love relationship, it’s really important for my lover and me to understand, appreciate and respect each other.
I need my lover to know who I am:
• I trust my thoughts and feelings to guide me in a unique, willful and purposeful way. I must have the freedom to think and feel. To the extent that it’s possible and reasonable, I want to decide which limits I will and will not accept.
• My perspective on life and love reflects what’s going on at the core of my being. When I say something thoughtful, sarcastic, witty or humorous, it is significant. It speaks to who I am.
• My path in life feels right. It’s almost sacred to me; walking it gives me a strong sense of personal dignity.
I’m very proud and confident because I’ve been happy and comfortable with my lover. I am my own person and I choose to love someone who suits me. I don’t give a rat’s ass if there are people out there who don’t understand me or my choice of lover. I treasure my unique lens on the world. I’ve worked very hard to get it to the point where I know in an instant what feels good to me. I need to know what’s true and untrue for me; what’s right and wrong for me.
I have no illusions that my love relationship is clear sailing from here on in. I know it can go uphill or downhill from this point. I am nothing if not realistic; I may even be harshly so.
I’ve accepted some essential facts about life and love. Both positives and negatives can take me forward on my journey. For me, that’s what it’s all about: Bravely taking on life and love.
These are my potentially dislikeable features.
I know I can be very difficult, rebellious and oppositional with my lover at times. I’m not exactly proud of that; I just see it as the natural consequence of making me feel misunderstood, unappreciated and disrespected:
• I am offended to my core if my lover doesn’t do his level best to know who I am and what I stand for in life and love.
• I find it intolerable to have a lover who tries to stifle, control, scrutinize and interrogate me.
• More than anything else, I’m outraged by a lover who corners me, making me feel like a captive who has lost everything or a puppet on a string.
• In general, my lover can lose my interest and then I’ll get bored with him.
These are some tips that have helped me.
I’ve found that following these guidelines make my lover and I feel strong together:
- We need to give each other thoughtful consideration.
- To feel whole as individuals, we have to aim to be true to ourselves.
- We each have some personal freedom and a sense of humour.
More than anything else, we have to remember this one magic word:
Respect.
I believe this word was coined by a Passionate Adventurer.
By the way, we don’t need so much respect for each other that either of us feels awe or fear. Neither one of us has to silently give way to the other. But we must maintain our high regard for each other. Respect and love go hand in hand for us.
A Passionate Adventurer’s Love Attitude Summary
At first sight:
I can be really mysterious; my potential lovers usually sense that there’s a tiny bit of me that can never be won.
As a lover I feel:
Mainly I have confidence that I’m on an amazing quest; with pride, dignity, humour and strength.
My attitude to love is a passionate adventure:
I have a mission: I need to believe in myself and be courageous as I go forward in life and love.
Problems I have in a love relationship are:
I can be very offended if my lover doesn’t really know who I am. I find it intolerable to be stifled, controlled, scrutinized or interrogated. I am outraged if my lover corners me.
My needs from a lover are:
I have to be understood, appreciated and respected.
My most positive characteristic overall is:
I maintain my perspective and my courage to know what’s right for me.
My most negative characteristic overall is:
I can be difficult, rebellious and oppositional.
Red flag:
I can be impatient if you don’t believe in me.
WENDY BROWN is a psychotherapist who has done over 35,000 sessions with individuals and couples in the last 30 plus years. In most of those sessions she has talked about love: what it means to people, how it changes their lives and why it is or is not precious to them.
To learn more, please visit: www.whylovesucceeds.com
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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.01.2014
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