Chapters


1) Longing for December
2) Meeting Ryan
3) Sweet 16
4) Auburn Angel
5) The Wedding
6) Married Life
7) The New Arrival
8) Losing Ryan
9) Learning to Smile Again
10) December Wind
11) Tiny Black Box


Longing for December

The August moon glistens through the mountain tops as she smiles softly. Her mind drifts back to another place and time. She remembers his gentle touch, his hands so strong, the hands of a working man. His uncle was a lumberjack. He worked for him through the summer.
He didn’t wear a shirt most of the time. There was something very erotic about his sweaty, muscular, bronze body; even covered in dirt she wanted him, every ounce of her. He knew how to touch her, like no man had ever touched her before and like no man could ever touch her again.
She closes her eyes…. She smells him…. She opens them as a chill runs down her spine. Making sure, she laughs to herself as her mind plays a trick on her. Again she drifts away, she finds him in the corner of her mind and heart. She sighs once again as the scent of firewood lingers on his clothes taking her to a cold winters night one late December.
She often goes back to “that day” that changed everything she thought she knew about or had ever known about love. The day that changed her life forever and the night that would never be the same, Savanna Oliver a 38 year old artist, writer, a bit of a dreamer and a full time mother of three. Her auburn hair swept up in a “not so neat” knot on top of her head, sometimes a ponytail, rarely hanging down or curled. She would be described as petite by most standing four foot eleven barely, (to be honest four ten and a half). She is everyone’s friend, and a therapist to anyone in crisis. She wears a sweet smile and receives frequent compliments on her emerald green eyes with spider lashes.
Her children Caden 20, Cyle 14 and Cassandra 12, are the light of her life. All three have inherited her talent for art and writing. She married once, Ryan a hardworking man, the father of her three children. He swept her off her feet. He made her feel safe and secure; he was a wonderful father and husband. He stood six feet to her four eleven; his blue eyes sparkled as his smile warmed your heart. His hair was darker blonde than when he was a child, sandy with highlights from the sun. The three children favored him. The oldest with light auburn hair like his mother, the younger two blonde like Ryan.
Ryan…..she missed him so much. In the back of the closet in a little wooden box only to be opened with a tiny gold key is a stack of letters. Around the letters is a thin pink ribbon tied in a small bow. She opens the box and sighs with a smile. She pictures Ryan in his military uniform. He is so handsome, she closes her eyes, he smells like English leather. “That’s what daddy wore,” she thinks to herself. She remembers buying Ryan a bottle for Christmas. She opens an envelope with a military stamp and unfolds a letter written on military stationary. She reads the first letter Ryan wrote after they first met.

Dear Savanna,
I hung your picture in my locker. Everyone is so jealous of my “girl back home.” I tell them to eat their hearts out you’re mine. To answer some of your questions, I’m stationed in camp Lejune NC for now. My favorite groups are Rush, Led Zeppelin and Lynard Skynard. What are yours? My favorite color is blue. My guess is that yours is pink, am I right? Well in October I will be going on a cruise to the Mediterranean for six months. I hope you can read my sloppy writing. I don’t have any pictures to send you right now, but I will later. Tell your mother and father I said “Hello.”
Write again soon,
Love Ryan

Is it possible for love to find its way to me twice in a lifetime? Why do I feel so guilty? I love Ryan with all my heart and soul…. I still love him but yet my mind often takes me back to another love… to another time. When the wind blew in more than the December snow, love found its way to me again.
Beneath Ryan’s letter lies another letter. She hesitates and with a lump in her throat she sips her coffee and reaches for the next letter. She reflects back to the day her second letter from Ryan came. He left on Sunday and by the time the next Monday rolled around the second letter arrived. From the living room window she watched the mailman come and go. She ran to the mailbox shuffling through the day’s mail there it was. She left the family mail in the box and ran upstairs to her room.

Dearest Savanna,

It’s only been a week and I miss you already. You are so beautiful; I can’t get you out of my head. I know it’s too soon but I think I’m falling in love with you. You don’t have to answer. Tomorrow I will write again, I have to go its lights out.
Love, Ryan

Savanna sits at her dresser and begins to write a letter to Ryan.

Dear Ryan,

I miss you, I feel like you took my heart with you to North Carolina. Please call me when you get a chance, I’ll be waiting. I’m so glad I met you; I hope to see you soon. When do you think you’ll be coming home? I’m sending you some more pictures, please send me some soon. I really don’t know what to say, please think of me…. I’ll think of you every minute of the day until I see you.
Love, Savanna


Meeting Ryan

Savanna was raised in Elkview West Virginia. She had family all over WV and some in Ohio and Kentucky. The mountains were beautiful, especially in the fall, all of the orange, gold brown and reds.
Ryan too was from a small town in West Virginia. They met at a church picnic. She reads from her journal…..
Ryan was shy but I knew he liked me. I wish things could have been different she thinks to herself. It was a typical July day; the sun was dominating the clear blue sky. It was a perfect day for the annual church picnic, typical in every way but one.
Today was the day Savanna would meet Ryan Oliver, her future husband. She shuffles through the summer dresses hanging in her closet. Her hair in curlers and cotton between her toes, waiting for her nails to dry. Finally, she chose four to try on. The picnic starts at twelve p.m. Savanna had been up since seven, putting her “face on,” trying on her new perfume, she smiles in the mirror. She chooses the pink flowered dress with her white sandals she got for Easter. She takes down the curlers and runs her fingers through her auburn curls. She chooses a pink ribbon from her dresser drawer and ties it around a high ponytail. Her mother hurries her along.
Her sister Siera chose a similar pattern dress in yellow. Her blonde hair hung just below her shoulders in a straight ponytail with a yellow ribbon tied around it. Todd her little brother was in his usual t-shirt.
It was a glorious day, red and white checked table cloths for miles loaded with food. The smell of fried chicken, potato salad, every kind of vegetable and dessert imaginable filled the air. It was the closest thing to heaven since the invention of ice cream. There he was standing like a six foot tall oak tree in a military uniform. He was the picture of a perfect man.
Every young girl whispering, trying to find out who he was or get his attention by flipping their hair, I knew exactly who he was. Mother said to my father at dinner the other night that Mr. and Mrs. Oliver’s son would be home from the marines on Saturday. Since he was the only one in uniform at the picnic, well you guessed it.
The Oliver’s owned the local grocery store around the corner. They were kind of quiet. Ryan was also very quiet and extremely handsome. I caught him staring at me right before my mother dragged me by the arm over to meet him. You must be Ryan? Mother squeezed his hand. Yes ma’am, he smiled bashfully. This is my daughter Savanna Shaffer, mother smiled and winked. Mother was a bit overbearing at times, but she meant well. Nice to meet you ma’am, he smiled again as he reached for her hand. His face was slightly red, obviously hot in that uniform. He wiped the sweat from his brow. How long are you in town? I asked. Just the weekend, he stared at his feet. Then he began staring at hers moving up her tan legs and her dress that blew gently in the summer breeze.
You can take it off, I whispered. Excuse me, he said surprisingly. I mean your jacket. They both began to laugh. They began to talk, he asked her if he could write to her. She exchanged addresses with him. The day was coming to an end, he asked her if he could call her, she happily jotted her phone number on a napkin.
The romance began. Ryan kept his word and he began to write and the phone calls became frequent. They planned a June wedding, and their lives became intertwined forever, the day that she dreamed of as a child had finally come true. She felt like a princess and Ryan was her prince, it was like a fairytale come true.
After meeting Savanna, Ryan came home for as many weekends as possible. Ryan would come to Sunday dinner at Savanna’s parents after church and Savanna would go to Ryan’s to watch movies. Ryan and Savanna took long walks along the lake holding hands as lovers do, each day learning new things about one another.
Under a blanket of stars Ryan asked Savanna for her hand in marriage. With a soft kiss Savanna accepted his proposal.


Sweet Sixteen

Seven thirty a.m. Savanna sits quietly by the early morning light. Coffee in hand journal in lap, she stares out into the horizon. Only the sounds of birds in the distance singing a sweet hello to the new day. She thinks of Ryan and smiles. She sets her coffee down and picks up her journal and travels back to the year she turned sixteen, the year before she met Ryan. She remembers her first love Blake. She turns the page and it all comes back to her. She begins to read…..
When I was sixteen I worked after school in my mother’s art studio. I helped clean up, set appointments for portraits and various other things. Blake’s dad owned a hardware store across the street. I’d find myself staring out the window.
He was tall, tan and muscular without a shirt, I’m sure it must have been illegal, because he nearly made my heart stop!
Savanna had kept a journal since she was twelve. She sips her coffee and flips through the rose colored pages and finds one of her favorite summers.
Blake stopped by the studio today, she begins to read. My mother is going to paint his portrait as a gift for his mother’s birthday. He asked me what time I got off from work…. He wanted to walk me home and he did.
Blake Daniels was nineteen, he made me so nervous, but I liked the way he made me feel. He was quiet on the walk home. He walked by my side, and asked me about school and my family and friends. We got to the bottom of my driveway and we both stared at the ground, shuffling the gravel with our feet making small talk. You’d probably cry if I kissed you, he said softly. I felt a lump in my throat. I was afraid to look at him, still staring at his size twelve tennis shoes, my mind was racing, I’ve never kissed a boy before. I wanted him to kiss me, yet I was afraid. What if I do it wrong? I don’t want him to think I’m stupid. He wanted to kiss me! Cry? Uh, I’d probably pass out cold, I thought to myself. Then he would have to carry me home. Well… um… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at the same? O.k., I smiled. He turned to leave and I grabbed his jacket and pulled myself to his chest. He laid his head on mine, bending down to my short stature. He wrapped his arms around me and I nervously slid my arms around his waist. We stood in silence; I could hear his heart beating… I was trembling. I felt his warm hands touch both sides of my face… he tilted my chin upwards. I felt his lips, then felt his tongue. I closed my eyes and he kissed me… ever so softly, turning my head to the right then to the left. First soft then harder, he pulled me closer to him, he moved down my neck, I could hear myself breathing almost in sync with his heavy breaths that came from his mouth. I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted him, like I know he wanted me. He held me silently. You scare me, I whispered. He rubbed my back. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok! He said quietly. Think of me, he added.
She smiles, for a moment she was sixteen again. Her eyes began to tear. She was lonely and afraid that no one would ever make her feel again the things that she once felt. Maybe she was meant to be alone, but inside she longed to be held again to be loved.
Summer faded into fall that year and as the leaves of summer changed to gold and red, it brought a sweet sadness to the air. Blake was only with his dad for the summer. He had worked for his uncle in the lumber yard as a summer job and often helped out his dad at the hardware store. With a summer full of memories in his heart and a suitcase stuffed with clothes he packed up to go to his mothers in Tennessee. Blake had promised to enroll at the University of Tennessee and live with his grandmother while he went to school to save money.
Many walks home turned into all night telephone talks and plans of a life together. She waited for him with a tear stained letter in her hands. He pulled into the driveway, his father waited in the car. She ran to him, they fell together. She was shaking. It’ll be ok, he whispered. I love you. I love you too, she sobbed. I’ll call you everyday and I’ll write. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. I can’t breathe she laughed as she blew her nose on a pink tissue she had in her hand. He bent down and touched her face and he smiled. He still made her a bit nervous when his piercing blue eyes met hers. I’ll be back for you, he kissed her again. Then he kissed her forehead and hugged her for what seemed like forever. His dad gently tapped the horn and pointed towards his watch. She fell to her knees and put her face to the ground after his tail lights disappeared around the corner. He never came back for her. Circumstances, distance and time separated them.
Blake arrived in Knoxville, Tennessee; he enrolled in school and settled in with his grandmother. He often thought of the cute little red head that had his heart over the summer. He called her every night; they exchanged letters and made plans to spend Christmas together. School began and as life goes their lives went down different roads. Blake called less often, the letters became fewer and fewer and their Christmas plans were canceled. The December snow began to fall and they both gathered with friends and family to celebrate Christmas.
Sometimes in the midst of all the laughter came a sad look with the thought of one another. Eventually Savanna met Ryan who made her feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach and this was good. Life took Savanna and Blake down two separate roads. Would the roads they’ve chosen become intertwined again? Was it destiny to find their way to one another's arms again?
Only time would reveal God’s master plan for their lives.


Auburn Angel
(Meeting Savanna)

The room is dark, only the light of the moon crept through the window of nineteen year old Blake Daniels bedroom. The sound of crickets and the occasional traffic on the street below could be heard on this warm summer’s night. The clock on his bedside table said twelve o’clock p.m. Arms behind his head, Blake lay on his bed, unmade from the day before, thinking of her. A feeling he had never experienced before, consumed him.
Many girls younger, sometimes older had come and gone out of his life without much thought, but this time something was different. He could feel it down in his bones. It kept him awake at night; it found him in his dreams… It frightened him. A red head, he laughed out loud. He kicked his shoes off to the floor. She was sixteen…but just sixteen like a week ago. Blake had turned nineteen nearly a year ago. He had graduated the year before from Herbert Hoover High School in Clendenin, West Virginia, where Savanna goes now. He’d seen her around school, but something was different now….Breast? He shook his head almost embarrassing himself. It’s her eyes. She’s got those green cat eyes; he remembered them from the art studio. She made him feel funny.
She made him want her. She made him crazy! When he jogged through the town everyday, she watched him. She too wanted him and could not control the thoughts of him that dominated her every waking moment. He turns over and places his chin on his hands against the pillow. He shuts his eyes, and drifts off to dream of the auburn angel that he had fallen for and there she waits for him.
Mid July, the early morning sun creeps over the mountain tops, the birds sing their praises to the new day. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, Savanna stumbles through the house led by the smell of maple syrup and butter. Good morning honey. Savanna’s mother says cheerfully, obviously on her second pot of coffee already. “Whatever” Savanna mumbles, pulling out the wooden kitchen chair. Coming to the studio today? I guess, she sighs. You never know what the world may send your way today! Her mother pats her on the head handing her a stack of pancakes. I hope it’s a porsch, candy apple red, she says sarcastically. Hurry up and eat so we can get an early start, mother smiled and took a seat at the table.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Thump!!! The alarm clock annoyingly pierces the ears and interrupts the dreams of a teenage boy across town. I heard you already!!! Thump!!! Blake pounds the snooze button for the third time and knocks the alarm clock to the floor. He puts the pillow over his face and growls… ahh!! Tossing the pillow to the floor and stepping on the alarm clock, he lights a cigarette, fumbles through the closet and heads for the shower. Eight o’clock a.m., Blake grabs a Dr. Pepper from the fridge and searches for the last of the Hershey’s with almonds out of the drawer.
He lights another cigarette and ties his jogging shoes. Same as yesterday and the day before, every morning with out fail, Blake Daniels jogs through town. Time he has scheduled for sorting out the craziness that abides inside his head. This day the birds sang a little different and the sun shined a little brighter. Thoughts raced through his head like shooting stars. Today seemed a little different maybe it was the butterflies spiraling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of her.
Mrs. Daniels was thirty- five today, as a special gift for her he was planning to have his portrait painted at the art studio where Savanna worked. Later that night all the family gathered for a big birthday dinner. Blake had jogged by the art studio many mornings, many afternoons and he saw her through the window painting like a beautiful artist. He did not dare disturb her. A lump swelled up in his throat as he thought of approaching her. A good excuse he laughed out loud. Today, he thought, I’ll talk to her.
He fumbled over words in his head like a jigsaw puzzle unsolved. Oh God! He cried to himself…give me words to say, so I don’t sound like an idiot! I am an idiot! She’ll probably roll her eyes at me and laugh in my face, loser, he nervously runs his hands through his hair. The art studio was in sight. O.k., here goes nothing! I feel like I’m on a suicide run! He grumbles.


The Wedding

The day she had always dreamed of had finally arrived. The smell of lilacs filled the air; her mother’s garden had never been so beautiful. The white folding chairs, borrowed from the church lined the front lawn in perfect rows. Purple ribbon and streamers were tied along the tables, around the trees and to the white chairs.
Balloons filled the air tied to purple and white ribbons, lilacs in crystal vases on all the tables. Ryan pacing, back and forth with his uniform freshly pressed. His hands were sweating, his heart pounding with anticipation. His mother smiles and kisses his cheek. “My baby boy”, she smiles proudly. ”Good luck son”, his dad pats him on the back.
A June wedding, the sun highlights the clear blue sky, a perfect day for a wedding. Friends and family begin arriving at 11:00a.m., gifts begin to line the white laced tables. Music softly plays as the band her father hired filled the chairs by mother’s lilac garden. Savanna sighs a she puts on the finishing touch before she walks arm in arm with her father to meet Ryan. Her mother’s pearl necklace, something old, diamond earrings, and a gift from Ryan, something new…Now, “I need something borrowed”’ she says to herself. “My necklace sweetheart”, it’s old and borrowed, “ok”, she laughs. She is relieved. ”Are you nervous?” No I’m excited”.
The music begins, it’s the wedding march, the door opens and Savanna walks arm in arm to the man of her dreams. The wedding was beautiful, covered in rice Savanna and Ryan were off to spend the first night as husband and wife together. They had rented a cabin in the mountains. They arrived around 6 p.m. changed clothes and went out for dinner at a small cafe’ on the edge of town. They could hardly eat, their eyes gazing into one another’s thinking of the upcoming events and of their day.
“They’re playing our song”, Ryan smiles. “We don’t have a song”’ she takes his hand. Lights dim, music playing softly, they begin to dance. He sings in her ear, “Love me tender, love me sweet never let me go”, she adds, “For my darling I love you and I always will”. She lays her head on his shoulder. He pulls her body into his. He hums along with the band swaying her body to the music, touching her. “I’m gonna tell my husband”, she giggles. “If you don’t tell I won’t “, he winks, “Why Mr. Oliver are you get’n fresh with me?” she slyly grins. “I want to make love to you right now”, he whispers. “I think that might lead to a wedding night in jail”, she pinches his cheek. “I have a surprise for you”, Ryan touches her auburn hair gently, then her face. “Those lips”, he whispers. Red as her hair, she kisses his cheek playfully leaving a print behind. “How ‘bout dessert?”, Ryan leads her back to the table “Here?” She bites her index finger. “Let’s skip dessert”, Ryan gobbles down the last few bites of steak. “You’re going to choke there tiger”, she laughs. “I have a surprise for you “, she grabs his knee underneath the table. “Check please”, Ryan throws his hand in the air. Her emerald eyes sparkled by the candlelight. “I love you”, Ryan looks at her and is a bit nervous. “Me too”, she smiles. “I would never hurt you”, he touches her arm. “I’m not afraid”, she assured him. “I’ve waited all my life for you Ryan”, she smiled. Inside she was nervous, excited, and curious; a range of emotions flooded her mind and body. “You’re so beautiful”, he pulled her to him. Music still played as their bodies swayed, as they danced into the night, that night, their first night as man and wife.
They finished their dinner and headed back to the cabin. Ryan lit candles all around the room and played the radio softly. Savanna in the bathroom changing into her white lace gown that swept the floor, she smelled of lilacs that wove through her auburn hair. The door opens, no words spoken Ryan stunned by her beauty, stands no shirt still wearing his uniform trousers. She walks to him slowly, “unchained melody” playing as she glides across the floor, her gown flowing, she looked like an angel. He reached for her and she took his hands.
Pure as the angelic gown she wore for him she gave herself to her husband. Morning found them in each others arms. The sun caressed their faces as they lay wrapped in a white sheet, their bed by the window. The birds singing a sweet hello, as they face their first whole day as man and wife, “Good morning”, Ryan yawns. “Morning husband”, she rolls over and snuggles up to him. “Are we sleeping in or going to breakfast?” “Defiantly sleeping in”, he pulls the covers over their heads and growls at her. Savanna giggles as Ryan playfully bites and kisses her. “Stop Ryan, that tickles!” he growls at her and pins her to the sheet below. “Don’t hold me down, I can’t breathe”, she warns him. “O.k. you big baby”, he kisses her nose and releases her. Ryan and Savanna spent the morning making love and talking about their future plans. Later they found the little cafe’ they had eaten in the night before.
“Let’s go house hunting as soon as we get back”. Savanna grabbed Ryan’s hand. “We will”, Ryan assured her. “We can’t stay at your parents, we have to have our own place. “What about the Rose place, isn’t it for sale?” “I think it is, we’ll run by and see if there’s a sign up”, Ryan seemed excited about the idea of house hunting. They spent a week at the cabin and headed back home to begin house hunting. They met with the Rose’s, fell in love with the house, it was perfect! The view was spectacular. It was a white two story house out in the country, on the front porch sat some flower pots and two rockers facing the mountains the sun crossed the tree tops like a amber and golden blanket. An eagle soared through the sky circling the mountain tops, the smell of wildflowers in the air. It was so charming. There they’ll raise their children.


The New Arrival

Sitting on her front porch in her favorite rocker her coffee sits on her stomach that serves as a table. She has cut back on her coffee to some extent but in the mornings she must have some caffeine. It is now November, her birthday, the tenth around the corner. She and Ryan have been married now two years and in February, Caden or Cassie would be born. They didn’t want to spoil it by knowing the sex. Her feet swollen propped on a stool. Clyde sniffing her toes. “You’re very active today”, she rubs her pregnant belly.
A car pulls in the driveway, the neighborhood stray barks idiotically. It’s Harmony Slater her girlfriend from high school. “Savanna?”, “Oh my gosh!” How’ve you been?”, “Your mom told me you were home”. “I’m great”. “How are you?” “You look like you’re gonna pop any minute!” “I feel like it” Savanna sighs. “I thought you and Grant moved to Texas”. “We did”. “We’re back home now”. “Well come in”. “Would you like some coffee?” Savanna shifts her position. “I just put on a fresh pot a few minutes ago”. She relaxes again with her hands on her belly. “I’ll get it”. Harmony opens the front door. “You stay put”. “I’m staying at moms “. “Grant’s job hunting”. She turns before walking in. “Are you planning to have a baby shower?” harmony shouts from the kitchen. Savanna tries to get up to go to the bathroom. “Mom’s planning something”. “Well I can help her I have some stuff left over from my shower”. Harmony offers. “How is the baby?” Savanna shouts through the bathroom door. “Oh, she’s wonderful, she’s at moms”. Harmony shouts back. “Oh you should have brought her!” Savanna sighs. “She’s teething”. Harmony carries two cups of coffee out to the front porch. “What did you decide to call her?” Savanna asks as she reaches for her cup. “Tristan”. “We named her Tristan Elizabeth, but we’re calling her Tristan”. “That’s pretty”, Savanna smiles, “I know you talked about calling her Elizabeth”. She adds. “Yeah, Grant wanted to, but I won”. She laughed.
November turned to December, Christmas snow and cold weather came with December. January brought more snow and some snow storms that brought power outages. Finally February arrived. The doctor said the fourteenth would be her due date according to her ultrasound. Ryan was due home that weekend from his med. cruise. He had been away on a peace keeping deployment for six months. Savanna was so excited as she finished decorating the nursery with the help of her mother and her best friend Harmony and of coarse the occasional input of her sister. She was usually busy with her own agenda, but was looking forward to life as an aunt. She often dropped off baby odds and ends and put her two cents in on where the nursery furniture should go.
Savanna usually nodded and smiled. Always appreciating the gifts and usually ignoring the nursery advice. Crissy her sister-in-law was making her a baby quilt. She had offered to watch the baby when Savanna went back to work and she would probably, take her up on it. Crissy along with Harmony was a very dear friend always there in crisis and Savanna was also the glue that held them together when things started to fall apart. Savanna and her neighbor Tia sat on the floor of the nursery, glue in hand making picture frames and starting scrap books for the new baby. Tia was her crafty friend and usually emergency nurse to anyone with a cut, scrap or a cat in a tree. She was always helpful when humans or animals were in crisis. Tia and Savanna went to school together from kindergarten through high school. She along with Harmony and Crissy were in her wedding and of coarse Sierra too. The sky was gray; the wind piercing on the morning of the fourth, a snow storm was heading their way. She hoped Ryan’s flight would not be delayed. She had a few twinges that day but nothing major. The doctor said she was dilated 2 cm. she and Harmony put on their boots, winter coats and scarves and headed for a walk. She was hoping to go into labor while Ryan was home, but not before. A few hours before the storm would arrive they headed out, wind blowing their scarves and their hair fiercely. Ryan’s plane was due to arrive at 8 p.m.
The storm arrived the roads were getting bad so Savanna stayed at home while her father drove the four wheel drive to the airport. She paced the floor in front of the fireplace occasionally practicing her breathing techniques as she was now having contractions. The wind blew fiercely as branches hit the roof top falling from the tree above. The power went out. The room was lit by the fireplace she lit candles that filled the air with the scent of pumpkin spice. A chill filled the air, she grabbed a quilt and sat by the fireplace thoughts filled her head of Ryan. The sound of a motor, then a car door, “Ryan?” she whispers. The door opens, Ryan duffle bag in hand, handsome as the day she met him at the church picnic. His bag drops to the floor and they fall together. He looks at her and then her rounded belly; he pats her tummy and says, “Daddy’s home”. And he was, at 3a.m. in spite of a snowstorm and no power, John Caden was born. Two years later Cyle Andrew followed along with Cassandra Dawn to complete their family a year later.


Married Life

The air is filled with the smell of fresh brewed coffee and homemade biscuits. Savanna pours coffee for Ryan then for herself. She opens the fridge and takes out the orange juice. Taking out three glasses she pours the juice. The sound of Saturday morning cartoons blares from the living room. Eggs frying in the iron skillet, bacon stacked on a plate, Ryan comes up behind her and hugs her from behind. “Morning”, he whispers. “Morning”, she smiles. ”Mommy”, the sound of a little voice calls from the living room. “Yes”, she answers. “I’m hungry!” Cassandra shrieks. “Me too”, another voice shouts from the bath room. “I’m cooking as fast as I can”. Savanna shouts. “Did you get the paper?” “No, did it run, it’s 8:30?” “Probably not, on Saturday they take their sweet time”. Ryan grumbles. “Your coffee’s on the table”. “Thanks, are these eggs mine?” Ryan picks up a plate. “Kids come and get it!” Savanna yells with a plate in each hand. Little feet race to the kitchen like thunder. The Oliver’s sits down for a family breakfast. Ryan blesses the food. Cassandra follows with her prayer; “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food, amen”. “That’s good sweetie”, Ryan smiles.
After breakfast they all loaded up in the van and headed for the park. They planned a day of fishing and picnicking at the state park. The sun hid behind the pillow like clouds. A warm breeze blew, the sound of ducks quacking and children playing by the lake filled the air. Ryan took Savanna’s hand and leaned over and kissed her. They sat on a patchwork quilt her grandmother had made her for Christmas. The children played and laughter rang across the still waters of the lake. “Let’s go fishing, Daddy’. Cassandra begged. “I’m not touching any worms!” she wrinkled up her little nose. “I don’t wanna fish, I wanna go home”, Cyle whined. “Go!” Caden shoved. “Alright boys”, Ryan said sternly. “We’re going to have fun guys”, Savanna smiled. “Come on boys let’s fish”, Ryan grabbed a pole. “Me too Daddy”, Cassandra shrieked. “You too squirt; go tell Mommy to grab your pole”. They spent the day fishing and picnicking. They decided to make a tradition every Saturday to go to the park for family fun. Ryan and Savanna spent many nights sitting on the front porch talking while the children slept. Talking about their hopes and dreams holding hands, sometimes saying nothing at all, sometimes she watched him sleep, not knowing that he too watched her sleeping.
It seems that they were made for each other. Savanna runs her fingers through Ryan’s sandy blonde hair as he lies beside her. She caresses his soft skin; he smiles gently as she kisses his soft lips. “I love you”, she whispers. “Me too”, he says half asleep. As the days rolled by so did the years their toddlers in diapers grew to be independent little souls with minds of their own. They were all sweet children, not perfect but Savanna and Ryan were truly blessed. Cyle had his father’s impatience; he was a little stubborn but very loving, probably spoiled. I guess they’re all a little spoiled in a way. Cassandra was a cheerleader, very sporty, a social princess. Cyle always shy kept to himself and loved computers. Caden was in a band with some boys from the neighborhood. I’m sure it’s noise to the neighbors, but they called it music, so music it was. Later Caden enrolled in art school, Savanna always wanted to go yet she was still an artist. The kids painted along with their mother from the time they were little. They proudly hung their art work all over the house. Married life agreed with Savanna and she was content with her little family and her painting. Sometimes of the early morning she worked on the book she was trying to write. When the world was silent and all was still, words flowed like a river from her pen. It was a love story. Mostly fiction some of it drawn from her love for Ryan, some from past experiences, some from the imaginary places in her mind. Fiction, Fact, Fantasy……
She enjoyed writing as well as painting, when she could find the time. Sometimes it took a backseat to life. Savanna dreamed of being an artist, a writer of novels and children’s books, a song writer……of maybe opening a shop designing her own greeting cards. Working in the art studio was a dream come true. It was very therapeutic, extremely relaxing and peaceful. Ryan joined the reserves after his enlistment was up. Ryan worked in town at the lumber mill. Small town, small world, that’s where Blake worked for his uncle in the summer when I was 16. Summer love…I guess you never really ever forget your first love. That was so long ago. Still every now and then she thought of him and smiled. Life was good. So much more than she had hoped for, Ryan and Savanna had a wonderful life together. They often got together with their friends to cook out or play cards. After an exhausting work week, the weekend had arrived. Ryan had stayed in the reserves; most of the time he was home, when he wasn’t it was for short periods of time.
Then the war came….
Even the reserves were called in. Savanna prayed that Ryan would not be called, but he was. Her heart sank as he told her the news.


Losing Ryan

He kissed her lips, looked into her eyes and told her that he loved her…fighting back tears she told held him and under her breath begged him not to leave her. ”I love you so much”, she gasps trying not to sob uncontrollably. She broke down, “I can’t bear the thought of you”, he interrupted….”I’m sorry… it’s just”, she wiped her eyes on his sleeve. “I know”, he whispered. They embraced as if tomorrow would never find them…. And it never did. Ryan went off to war and she never saw him again.
She threw herself into her work trying to not feel the pain that ripped through her body. Every line of her children’s faces reminded her of her sweet Ryan. The sound of their laughter, the smiles they wore and the sparkle of their eyes. How could she go on? She must be strong for them. Her heart was crushed, her soul was bleeding, and she was slowly dying inside.
She began to pray…
“God please help me”, she cried inconsolably. “I don’t know what you want from me!” “If it’s not Ryan that my life is to be spent with, then who?”, “I can’t imagine why you would take from me”. “Why?”
The news of Ryan’s death brought Savanna’s world crashing in all around her. It was raining as if the whole world was mourning over his death. How could she bare to tell their children that daddy will never hold them again, it was so unfair…How could she go on? What possible reason could there be for God to take her Ryan away? She missed him so. Sometimes she could smell him as if he were lying right beside her. She often poured two cups of coffee forgetting Ryan wasn’t there, but in a sense he was, he always would be.
When the sun warmed her face in the morning she felt Ryan’s arms around her just like grandma’s quilt. It made her feel good to think of Ryan as she wrapped up in her quilt and sat in her rocking chair in the early morning light. Sometimes Ryan’s mom would stop by with Ryan’s favorite blueberry muffins for her and the kids. It seemed to be therapeutic for her. Ryan’s dad still did the yard work, it made him smile. She always brought him lemonade and the kids were so glad to see him. He always stayed for dinner and read to the kids. His parents were dear to her. It was good for her. Her mother came by and packed away Ryan’s clothes, leaving the uniform he was married in as she requested. She left it all the same for the first month; her mother insisted that it wasn’t healthy. She agreed to let her pack it up and let his mother take care of them. Savanna often saw him in her dreams usually in his uniform. He was always smiling. Maybe she too, would one day smile again.
Standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes Savanna heard a knock on the door. Drying her hands she walked towards the living room door. Her heart sank as she opened the door and saw military uniforms. Everything suddenly was a blur, she felt faint as the dish towel fell to the floor. The next thing she remembered was her mother wiping her forehead with a wet cloth. Dr. Anglin had been there for the past two hours. That was of coarse her mother’s idea. He had given her something for her nerves she had been sleeping for more than a hour. The kids had been picked up from school by Harmony, where they would be staying the night.
A sea of flowers cascaded over the front lawn as far as the eyes could see. She sat, legs curled beside her, heart broken and eyes heavy with tears as the colors before her began to run together. She drifted away in her heart to another place as the wind swept tiny pieces of hair across her face. Family and friends gathered around for days, bringing food, cards, flowers and condolences. The smell of carnations and roses began to nauseate her; her head throbbed from allergies and of coarse crying until there was nothing left to come out. Then the numbness set in. At first the shock of it all prevented any crying. Then it came like a raging river out of control. It ran it’s coarse like a deadly virus. Some days she could barely move, she threw up, threw things, she screamed and then she didn’t talk at all. Everything around her whispered his name. Insanity was creeping in….maybe it would be a comfort. “If I lost my mind”, she thought. “I wouldn’t know what’s really been lost”. Savanna began to sink into a deep depression.
Sitting in the corner of a dimly lit room in a blue chair covered with tiny flowers, she sits alone. The ticking of the clock pushes her to the edge of insanity. It’s been days since she talked to her family and friends. The phone rings and her machine picks up, “You have reached the home of Ryan, Savanna, Caden, Cyle and Cassie sorry we missed you, leave a message and we will call you back”, “Hey girl pick-up”, a frustrated voice at the other end shouts, “Hello”. The machine cuts off. The phone rings again, Savanna’s friend Harmony leaves another message. “Savanna, I’m coming over there if you don’t pick up! Teary eyed Savanna reaches for a cigarette, camel lights, Ryan’s brand, she found them in the drawer of the nights stand. She quit smoking years ago, but kept a pack of Ryan’s in the drawer for emergencies. Stress is definitely an emergency and this is definitely a stressful situation. She lights her cigarette and reaches for her trusty cup of coffee. Maxwell house, master blend her very best friend. There is no other that could compare to the only pleasure she can now seem to find. Here eyes are swollen, her head is aching, her face hurts, she can barely breathe out of her stopped up head. The quiet is calming to her shredded nerves. The ringer is off, only the red light flashing signals her never ending chain of phone calls that has flooded her house since the news came. She has screamed, cried, slammed, kicked and has now reached a state of numbness. Maybe its shock…whatever it is she just wants to be left alone.
The silence is broken by a knock at the front door. “Savanna honey it’s me let me in”. The door is unlocked; she hears the creek of the hinges as someone enters. “Savanna where are you?” Harmony calls. The bedroom door opens. Sitting in Ryan’s sweatpants and t-shirt, Mascara underneath her eyes from days before, her hair in a sloppy knot, she’s curled up with a fleece blanket. “Do I smell smoke?” Harmony asks, hands on her hips. “Want one?” She barks. “Why not”, Harmony throws her hands up. Harmony lights up and sits on the edge of the bed. “You need to get out of here”. “I can’t”….she sniffs. Savanna asks tearfully “How are the kids?” harmony strokes her hair. “They’re doing okay honey, I’m worried about you”. “Kids sometimes handle things better than adults”. “Have you eaten?” “Why don’t you get in the shower and go to lunch with me or just get out of this house”. “You look like hell”. Savanna tries not to laugh, but fails. “Go!” “Alright already!” passing a mirror, “Oh my I do look lovely.” “Go princess get beautiful!” “I’ll call Tia and Crissy, we’ll make it a girls day. You’ll feel better I promise.” One step at a time, Savanna put one foot in front of the other and the sun started to shine a little brighter each day.
She pulled it together enough for the kids to come home and forced herself to live again. The kids seemed content with the fact that daddy was in heaven with Jesus for the most part. There were sad days, but they made their way through them together with love and prayers. Everyone was so kind. There were casseroles and cakes for miles. They gave her the alone time she needed, but not for too long, worried she’d become too depressed, but yet they did respect the fact that she needed time. Her mother and father along with close friends helped her with the kids. Savanna began to take the kids to church, it seemed to help. She hoped God would give her the guidance she so desperately needed.
Savanna threw herself into her work. In her heart she hoped she’d love again. Maybe fate would be kind to her. October 31st, Halloween. A clear morning with a chill in the air, the kids are still sleeping. Savanna grabs the broom from the closet in the kitchen. She steps outside to sweep the leaves that have blown across the porch. Three big orange pumpkins carved by the kid’s line the banister. She stops, looking across the sea of blue that flowed into the peaks of the tall West Virginia Mountains. A perfect painted canvas, she smiles. The multi colored leaves spiral in the air as the October wind rustled them about. Soon the yard would be filled with goblins and characters of fairytales with smiling faces and sticky fingers from lollipops and such. Candles will be lit in Jack-o-lanterns with glowing faces all over town. Savanna will dress up too, as she always does to join in the festivities. This year she’ll be a gypsy, hoop earrings, scarves and a flowing dress. Her long auburn curls will be swept up on the sides with a clip with the back hanging down. The day quickly turns to night and the bowls of candy now in place awaiting the eager children.
She pauses as she remembers Caden’s first Halloween, he was a little cowboy. Ryan carried him with his little cowboy hat and boots. He ate so much candy that night he threw up chocolate. I don’t know who was sicker Caden or Ryan? Savanna’s mother picked the kids up at 5pm to take them out trick or treating. She would stay as tradition has it to give out candy.
November came shedding the leaves of fall to the ground. The trees bare the air cold, yet a different kind of beauty was still there. The morning November sky was amber and shades of gold. The birds sang their song of approaching winter with the occasional snowflake drifting through the air. Savanna sits by the fireplace her high school journal in hand and reads……
It is summer again…driving by the lumber yard with my mother one hot July day, I saw him working with his uncle. Faded Levi’s, no shirt, work boots and tan, he looks up and smiles. I waved and blushed he throws his hand up. My mother questions me. ”Who’s that dear?” “It’s Blake, a guy from school”, still turning my head to look.
Fighting back her tears, Savanna smiles as she turns the page to read another.


Learning to Smile Again

One year later…September slowly rolls in …the evening is quiet, she is alone, and the peace is exhilarating. The constant roar of a box fan humming along with the window unit is the only sounds heard. She pulls out a box of photographs tucked away beneath her bed. Pausing before opening the lid, she feels her stomach knot up. Taking off the lid she lifts a stack of pictures from the small blue shoe box and lays them on her lap. “Where are you?” she sighs. Drifting off to a warm summer day beneath a cloudless blue sky, she lies on a quilt hand made by her grandmother. “You’re so beautiful”, he whispered staring up at the sky above. They lay together hand in hand dreaming of their life together.
“We were so young”, she thinks to herself. “What could we really have known about love?” she says out loud shaking her head. It felt so right…. The innocence of it all. Brand new hearts that have never been broken…experiencing love together for the first time. A roller coaster of emotions, fear, excitement & breathlessness all rolled into one. “Blake if love is what we truly shared…she pauses, “Where are you?” She smiles as she sifts through old photographs each one containing a precious memory, wondering where her high school sweetheart could be after all these years. What became of him? She wanders. The memories are bitter sweet; she tries to fight back the tears as once again she feels her heart ripping from her chest as he holds her for the last time.
She smells him as she travels in her sweetest memory to his arms again. His soft lips meet hers as he touches both sides of her face as he bends down to her short stature. Ironically on the same September day miles from the love that imprinted his fragile young heart, Blake Daniels thinks of Savanna. Sitting on the bank of the river, where he often swam and fished and reflected on his life. Fishing pole, tackle box, cooler, folding chair and all the usual equipment, smiling to himself as he feels a tug at his heart as he remembers her…
“Promise me you’ll always love me”, she says holding both of his hands.” It’ll cost you”, he laughs. “Blake, I’m serious!” She squeezes him around the middle. “Blake I’m serious”, he mocks her. He lifts her up and kisses her softly, “I promise, forever”, he looks into her innocent eyes. Shaking his head he wanders where life had taken her and if their paths would ever cross again. “Where are you little girl?” he mumbles as he casts his line. No one had ever touched him the way she had and he often missed her, the sound of her voice, the smell of her…Would he ever love or be loved like that again? Only time would reveal the answers that they searched for. In the bottom of the tiny blue shoebox she finds, a sea of memories, a stack of letters with a thin pink ribbon around them tied in a small bow.
She unties the silky ribbon with a sigh. She smiles with a sad heart, picturing Ryan in his military uniform. He is so handsome, she closes her eyes, sniffs for a scent of cologne.She opens an envelope with a military stamp and unfolds a letter written on military stationary. She begins to read…

Dear Savanna,

I can’t wait to see you again. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much!!! I can’t wait to hold you again, I miss you so very much baby! Write me soon, send me some sexy pictures.

Love Ryan
xoxo


Savanna recalls a letter one of many she had written to Ryan. Sitting at her dresser, she begins to write…

Dear Ryan,

I miss you too, I feel like you took my heart to North Carolina. Please call me when you can, I’ll be waiting. I’m so glad I met you! I can’t wait to see you!!! I’m sending some pictures, I hope you like them. Please send me some too, when you can. I really don’t know what to say, please think of me, I’ll think of you every minute until I see you again!

Love Savanna


She digs deeper and sees “Savanna” written in black sharpie on a big red envelope, and it brings a big smile to her once again. She wipes her eyes; it’s a valentine’s card, bright red with gold hearts. She opens it, something falls out, it’s a coupon. “Oh good grief” she laughs. It reads; coupon, good for a lap dance, massage and/or anything else kinky you can think of! Love you, Blake She run her finger across the letters of his name and began to read the card; “Sweet as candy, fine as wine…Won’t you be my Valentine?” Corny but cute, signed at the bottom, I can still taste your sweet kisses, Blake.
The phone rings. She tosses her memories away and gives them a gentle shove back under the bed. “O.k., I’m coming already!” “Hello”, she grabs the cordless. “Hey sis”, Sierra her sister calls to check up on her. “Hey”. ”You’re house is quiet, where’s the kids?” “They’re at moms”.” What are you doing?” I was just going through some old pictures and stuff”. “I was thinking about doing some scarp booking”. “Harmony and I had talked about it”. “Oh I thought I might run up”. “That’s cool, I’ll be here”. “Do you need anything?” “Yeah, do you want to do Chinese?” “That sounds good, let’s call it in, we can get it delivered”. “Put the coffee on!”
In an antique rocker on her front porch Savanna curls up in the quilt her grandmother made her. She clinches her cup of steaming coffee; her breath is visible to the eye. The air is chilly; the coffee warms her along with grandma’s quilt. Clyde sniffs at her toes, the yellow long haired stray cat that found its way to her doorstep and her heart the same day that the news came of Ryan’s helicopter going down. Maybe it was a sign of comfort…Maybe Ryan is Clyde…Anyway, he really liked her and became her permanent shadow, her permission to smile, even though she didn’t want to. He woke her up at five a.m. by purring and licking her face, time to eat, he nudged. “O.k., ok already “, she stumbles out of bed and finds her way to the kitchen. Clyde has a big red bowl that says “Clyde”, she fills it and flips the red switch on the coffee pot she had set the night before, she gazes out the window and a few stars peek through the trees it’s still dark out.
Soon it would be daylight she thinks to herself. Coffee is ready, she pours her coffee and pauses, the knot in her stomach reminds her that she is pouring coffee foe one instead of two, even now her eyes tear up and her heart is sad. She grabs her quilt and climbs into her antique rocker that waits for her every morning on the front porch. She found it worn and weathered at the local flea market. She had to have it! She loved to go to the flea market on Saturday afternoons. She loved to find a good deal. As soon as she found it sitting in a corner all beaten up looking, paint chipped,” memories”’ she smiled as she thought of all the babies that had been rocked, all the happiness the old chair had brought over the years and how she must have it! She stripped it, stained it and gave it a permanent resident on her front porch. Many sunrises, many sunsets, amber and gold flowing across the mountaintops, birds singing good morning, crickets chirping goodnight. She sits and sips her coffee and dreams as dreamers often do.
A dog barking in the distance startles Clyde. As he jumps from her lap she tries to stabilize her coffee cup. She realizes the morning is getting away from her… she sighs as she will soon be facing the holidays, a bitter sweet time. She’ll have the kids and they make it wonderful but yet she’ll be alone. Fall is soon approaching. The last days of summer desperately trying to hold on. She thinks to herself… “What is wrong with me?” First Blake then Ryan!” Is there some kind of curse on my life?” “Am I meant to be alone?” Do I choose it?” I’m probably the talk of the town.” The lady with all the cats who chose to spend her life as a spinster!” I know people talk, this is a small town.” I guess I do feed all the neighborhood cats… but… well… I don’t choose to be alone. “Maybe I’m too picky.” I don’t want to settle” I want love, I’ve been there, and I want to go there again.”
She picks up her journal and begins to write:
I’ve never felt so alone…when I’m busy with the kids or painting or with my writing the pain and emptiness is dulled. When I’m alone and it is quiet the pain is almost unbearable. There’s an empty space inside of me, one that may never be filled again. I hear the birds singing and see the sun easing over the mountaintops, a new day is coming over the horizon. Will it be a new day for me? I must be strong for the children, but what about me? I feel guilty for wanting to be held, but I do want to be held. I want a shoulder to lean on.
Once a long time ago, before Ryan, I loved someone, my first love. My mind and heart keeps taking me back to the moments that we shared. I’ve often thought of him and wandered about him, what he’s doing, if he ever thinks of me. He’s always had a special place in my heart. I want to reach out to him; I wouldn’t know where to begin. I’m afraid, Ryan was the first and the only man that I ever made love to. I’ve never been with another man; the thought of it paralyzes me. Blake once held me, when I was a young girl. He held me, I felt so safe in his arms. He made me tremble when he touched me, he scared me. I was afraid of how he made me feel. I could hardly breathe when he was near me.” She sits in the silence around her and remembers him. The silence is broken as the children awake one by one as the daylight pierces through their windows. She heads to the kitchen to start breakfast, stealing hugs on the way. Everyone’s off! Silence, she sighs… a few more cups of coffee before the day get started. She snuggles up with Clyde, coffee in hand, grandma’s quilt wrapped around them. The kids are off to school all is quiet on the home front.
Savanna retreats to her escape for a long hot bath. She pins her hair up, readjusting yesterdays ‘do’, turns the radio to classical hits and turns on the water. In a white terry cloth robe she walks through the house and turns off the ringers on the phones. Time to relax…Out of the second drawer in the bathroom she finds a box of matches. She begins to light the candles that consume the every available space in her tiny blue bathroom. Two beautiful golden candle operas sit on her counter top, one on each side of a large oval mirror trimmed in gold. She unrobed and enters her paradise. The water that surrounds her massages her every muscle with its intense heat. The aromas of calming lilac fill her senses. The cities of floating bubbles go by her silently as if she weren’t there among them. Only the light of the candle operas, lights the small room of escape. Steam rises from her naked body. She looks at her red toenails sliding her big toe inside the faucet. A thought of disaster flashes through her mind as a fire truck arrives busting her bathroom door down. “That’d be great,” she laughs, maybe they’d be cute, or at least the one that pulls my toe from the faucet,” she giggles to herself. “A man in uniform, I could do that,” she convinces herself. “A man period…” she sighs. “A real man, with hands that get dirty not manicured one that can throw me over his shoulder like a caveman, whew!” “Well maybe at least sweep me off my feet.” It’s been a long time since I’ve been swept,” she laughs out loud.
After her relaxing bath Savanna slips into a pair of worn Levi’s, flip-flops, a white tank and a large white sweatshirt, her summer/fall attire. Grabbing her keys she is off to work. Painting seemed to be therapeutic; it took her mind off of unpleasant things. It was Friday, thank God! She looked forward to the weekend, the kids were going to grandma’s, it was overdue for some “me time”. Harmony was coming over to spend the day to hang out and do the “girl thing”. Later they planned to get together with Tia, Crissy and Sierra for dinner and a chick’s flick! Three o’clock, Savanna closes the shop early and heads home. She stops at the drive through and picks up McDonald’s for the kids and is on her way. She’s home by 3:30pm the kids run to the car,” Did you get us cheeseburgers? Cassandra asks as she plunges towards the car. “Okay, get back guys”, she motions. Savanna feeds the kids and grabs a mocha iced coffee from then fridge. She heads for her well worn recliner and kicks out the footrest. “Mommy aren’t you hungry?”Oh honey, I’m resting”, she smiles. “Is mama Oliver coming?” “Yes sweetie, go ahead and call her.” “Caden are you going?” I’m gonna run up later, were playing tonight at Bill’s.”Cyle is your bag packed?” Almost he yells unconvincingly.” Hurry up honey okay?” Okay mom”.
The days light began to fade and Savanna’s mother arrived to pick the kids up for the weekend. At last she owns the evening…”What to do”, she wanders to herself… She picks up her journal and finds an empty page, she pauses and lights a cigarette. She picks up a gold pen to write;

Sometimes I wander what my life would have been like if I had chosen a different road, but then everything would be different…..good and bad. If Blake and I hadn’t taken separate roads in life then the children that Ryan and I had together would not exist, Ryan and I would never have been. God has a plan for our lives and we are not to question it. I am thankful for the life that Ryan and I have shared, but I am alone now. I’ve never felt so alone. I want to hear the sound of laughter again, to feel the sun on my face and smile. I want to feel the arms of love around me and know I have a soft place to fall.

She sighs and her mind drifts back to another place and time. She closes her eyes and dreams of him. His piercing blue eyes penetrate her soul. She feels his soft lips against hers, then on her neck, she feels his warm breath against her skin. She sighs again, opening her eyes she sees the amber horizon in the distance and wanders if he remembers her. He stares into his coffee, black, no sugar, as his index finger taps the side repeatedly. He remembers her…her auburn hair, fare skin, her perfect lips. He longs for her. He sips his coffee; he too wanders what his life would have been like, had they not parted. Would she have married him? Would she have bore his children? Would she have loved him, does she still love him? All these questions race through his mind. He had married, had a son, his life had been a good one, but still he thought of her. His marriage was not what he imagined it to be and it had ended after six years. He shakes his head and sighs, “Savanna”, he says out loud, where are you?’
Time had not altered the love that they once shared. Memories lingered in the air like an old song playing softly calling them home. Both Savanna and Blake separated by time and distance were together in a dream they shared. Two stubborn hearts beating together as one. Would fate bring their lives full circle?
The phone rings, reality jars Blake back to the everyday grind of a work day. “Blake Daniels”, he answers. “Dad” a familiar voice is on the other end. “What time do you get off?” he asks.” Around seven”, Blake says to his son Jake. “How’s pizza sound?” no onions okay?” Okay no onions just sardines”, Blake laughs. ”Oooh! Yuck”, Jake fake coughs. “I’m kidding” Blake laughs again. He hangs up the phone and shuffles the papers in front of him. He opens his desk drawer and takes out a pack of cigarettes. He lights up and stares into the distance. Miles of towering office buildings soon become a blur. He is far away from the city, he is home again. He takes a drag from his Marlboro red, putting his feet on his desk he leans back and in his mind he searches for her. He was 19, the day is hot with a warm breeze. He takes her by her tiny hand, he softly kisses her fingers. He crushes his cigarette. A sadness lies within him. He lights up again, its 6:45, he calls it a day. Blake heads home picking up a pizza along the way. His mind still drifts back to the love he left behind. He tries to picture her now, sure that the years had been kind to her. Would she remember me, he asks himself. It was so long ago. I hurt her, would she forgive me? We were so young, he whispers. A part of him wants to find her, wants to see if the flame that once existed would still burn as bright as it did in the days of their youth. Another part of him was scared. “What if she hates me?” He pounds his hand on the steering wheel. He wanders if she ever thinks of the summer they fell in love. Is there a moment in her day where she pauses and thinks of him?
The cool September air accompanied by the mornings first sunlight was a reminder that fall was just around the corner. Barely out of August, the morning air was turning a bit chilly as the evening air too was feeling change. She sips her coffee enjoying the tranquility that every morning brings. The phone rings, it’s Harmony her best friend. They had planned to spend the day together. “Hello” Hey, are you up?” Yeah, I’m on my third cup of coffee.” I’ll be over in about twenty minutes.” I’ll be here.” Heading for the coffee pot cup in hand she yawns and refills her cup. Opening the refrigerator door and squinting from the annoying bright light, she takes out the eggs, bacon, cheese and a yellow tomato. “Hmm…” did I use the last onion?” searching underneath the sink among a mountain of grocery bags”Aha!” In an orange mesh bag, three Vidalia onions are the answer to her omelet prayers. In the oven are all the pots and pans piled in no obvious order. She shuffles to find a non-stick skillet. Making enough noise to wake the dead she found her skillet, but not before unloading the entire oven. She hears a car pull into the driveway. It’s Harmony. “Good”, she grumbles to herself. “I’ll put her to work!” “Knock; knock” Harmony opens the door “In the kitchen” Savanna yells.”Hey girl” “Need some help?” I think I got it under control” Are you sure?” Yeah, I’ll get it” I brought my scrapbook stuff; it’s in the car if you want to dig out your junk later”. “That’s cool”. “I’ve been wanting to go through the pictures in the attic, I just haven’t got around to it yet.” Breakfast is ready and on the table. Coffee, O.J., toast and an omelet to die for. “Oh gosh, that smells so good!” “I know I wasn’t even really hungry until I smelled it, now I’m starved!” Savanna and Harmony at breakfast talked and laughed. It was good to laugh. Friendship has an amazing healing power.
“How’s Grant?” Savanna asks. He’s an idiot”, they laugh. “Same ole, same ole…”I love him, he’s a loveable idiot”, again they both laugh as they clear the table. “A man?” Savanna asks sarcastically. “Yeah pretty much”, she was quick to answer. “Ya gotta love e’m”, Harmony says over her shoulder as she piles the dishes in the sink. “I guess”, Savanna squints and wrinkles her nose. “Do you want some ice tea?” That sounds good” Savanna searches through the cabinet chaos for a box of teabags. Finally, she finds it, way in the back. Opening the oven door again, she grabs a small pan off the top rack. She fills the pan with water and counts out nine teabags, she‘s not quite sure why nine, but anyway nine. She measures less than a full cup of sugar in a coffee cup and waits for the water of floating teabags to come to a boil.” Look in that cabinet over the microwave for my orange pitcher”, she asks Harmony. “This one?” Yeah, it’s seen better days, but it’ll serve it’s purpose.” Savanna pours two glasses full of ice and slices a lemon. “Your tea is the best!” Harmony brags with a smile. “It’s not to sweet”, she adds. Normally she drank her tea with no sugar at all, but she could actually enjoy Savanna’s tea, because it didn’t put you into a sugar coma. They grab their glasses and head for the living room.First Harmony then Savanna. They sit sipping their tea with lemon and enjoy sharing stories and laughing.
Savanna heads for the kitchen for a refill with both glasses in hand. Heading back with full glasses of tea in hand Savanna’s foot catches a bag of garbage that she meant to take out earlier. In horror, Harmony sees Savanna plunge forward into a wooden end table catching the corner with her mouth. “Oh my God, Savanna are you okay?” Harmony screams, jumping up. “No!” I think I knocked my teeth out!” Savanna cries. Grabbing her mouth with both hands standing on her knees. Harmony grabs a dish towel from the kitchen, she hands it to Savanna. Blood ran down between her fingers she places the dish towel over her mouth removing it periodically to try to speak. Blood dripping profusely each time she removed the rag. “We’ve got to go to the E.R.” Harmony shrieks. Savanna rushes to the bathroom to see how many teeth she had knocked out. Quickly she removes the towel for a peek at the damage. IN complete disbelief she gasps. “Oh my God!” No! No! No! No!!! Frantically she shakes the rag hoping for a piece of her lip. To her disappointment she had all teeth intact. “Oh God, please help me!” she stomped and cried. It was her lip instead it had split in half, her bottom lip looked as if a chunk was completely missing. Dish towel over her mouth clinched tightly she and Harmony headed for the E.R. tea glasses in hand. Come hell or high water she was drinking that darn tea. It was obviously impossible. She held the towel to her mouth as she buckles herself in. “I want a drink so bad”, she sobs, trying out of the corner of her mouth. The taste of blood was in her mouth, drinking was like trying to drink with Novocain, ‘very drippy’. “Why did this happen to me?” I try to be good to everyone”,” I don’t understand”. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people‘, Harmony reassures her. Setting in the E.R. Savanna nervously awaited the dreaded prognosis. Sure that she would need plastic surgery. “Hi, Miss Oliver, the nurse smiles” My name is Melody, let me take a look sweetie. “Dr. Jones will be in to see you in a few minutes”, she says in a southern accent. “We need to clean you up honey so we can get you numbed up and fix that lip right up”. “Someone from plastic surgery is going to come down and take a look at you, but Dr. Jones is really good, I’m pretty sure she’ll be able to take care of it for you.” “You’ll be fine honey, don’t worry. Ten stitches later and teeth print in the table “Iron tooth sticks, Beaver too, as the running joke.” Strangely enough she fell so hard she didn’t feel a thing! Her entire body weight went into the corner of the table. “Ouch!” Reluctantly Savanna accepted a date with Harmony’s prodding from a cute doctor from the E.R. She was hesitant, yet she agreed. It might be nice to get out for the evening. “I can’t really eat”, she said painfully. “Well coffee then…o.k.? “Maybe a movie?” “O.k., you win”, she tries to smile. “A date with the bride of Frankenstein!” she sighs. He extends his hand and smiles. “Thank you Dr. Jones.” “Michael, he winks. “Thank you Michael”, she gives a half smile. It felt good to have a man’s attention, stitches and all. They agreed to go out Saturday night.
Savanna sits on the front porch in the early morning as she often liked to do. She enjoyed the peacefulness of morning and the birds singing along with the sounds of nature, crickets ect. The air was slightly cool as the early morning sun tried it’s best to warm things up. Clyde lies lazily in the corner of the porch in a half shaded area with his tail swaying back and forth. She catches up on some writing as she enjoys the peace and quiet. She thinks of Ryan… then the horrible experience of the whole dating scene. She smiles as she thinks of Dr. Jones (Michael) and laughs out loud as she remembers her first blind date… Almost a year after Ryan’s death a man who was the brother of a friend from church wanted to take Savanna for dinner. Her friend Tia asked if she could set it up. Hesitant, she agreed to at least talk to him. It might be nice to get out of the house for the evening. Saturday, 12:00pm the phone rings, Hello? “Savanna?” “Yes” “This is Mike” “Hey” “I was wandering if you might wanna grab a bite to eat” “Umm… I…” “Come on, you gotta start somewhere” Haven’t you heard about the frog theory?” “Frog theory?” “You know, you’ve gotta kiss a lot of frogs to get to the handsome prince”. “Ok… are you the frog or the prince?” “Ribbit” “That’s your call” “Ribbit, rabbit!” “Ok what about six?” “Six it is!”
Twelve o’clock became two and two became four, Savanna paced as she tossed clothes left and right to the floor.” I can’t do this!” she began to stomp. “Ahhh!” she screamed. She slings the closet door open again. “Ok you! She grabs the black dress in the left corner. She sweeps her auburn hair up on her head with curls hanging down. She pulls the black spaghetti strapped dress over her hips and over her black wonder bra. She searched for her thin silver hoops and black heels. Her nails a clean french manicure from the day before, long and squared off at the ends. Her golden band now on a chain around her neck melted into her heart. She sprays a mist of wild musk and walks into it. Mom has the kids. She checks her purse for breath spray and hand lotion and nervously lights another cigarette. Head lights… she crushes her cigarette and growls to herself. One, squirt of breath spray, two, a little hand lotion, one more mist to walk through. He knocks at the door. She opens the door with a smile. She thinks to herself, he’s cute, kind of nerdy but cute. “I’m Mike” “I guessed that” “Ready?” “Yeah” “You look beautiful” “Thank you”. It felt good she thought, to hear that from a man. “You’re a computer programmer?” “Yes I am , I also do repairs.” “That’s cool”. “I do good to turn the darn thing on” she laughed. They made small talk on the way to dinner. It went well, Mike was nice but she really wasn’t ready for a relationship. He really wasn’t her type, but from time to time, they had dinner or caught a movie, they became friends. She let him know she just wasn’t ready to date seriously. She had a week to heal and prepare. She thinks back to the blind date that Tia had insisted on. Come to think of it his name was Mike. “What is it with Mike’s and Michael’s?” she huffs.
Once again, the phone rings… “Hello?” “Savanna?” “Hey there, how’s my favorite doctor?” she laughs. “How’s my prettiest patient?” “I’m healing, I’m still sucking on a straw and I have a hole in my chin”, she laughs. “I thought I took care of that?” he laughs. “Do you need anything?” “No I’m fine.” “Do you wanna come over and just hang out?” “Yes, I’d love to.” “It’s a date.” she smiles. Savanna goes to the kitchen and puts on a pot of coffee. She sits at the kitchen table and with teary eyes waits for the coffee to comfort her. The aroma fills the air and she wipes her eyes and pours a cup adding hazelnut coffee creamer. She heads to the bathroom, coffee in hand to straighten her face. “Ugh!” she washes her face and slaps on foundation, blush and reapplies eyeliner along with another coat of mascara. Her auburn hair defiantly ponytail hair by now, “oh well” she shrugs. She pulls a few curls down by her face and sprays vanilla musk from head to toe. She sips her coffee and reapplies deodorant. This time casual in a soft pink spaghetti strapped tank and her favorite broke in jeans, barefoot with cranberry painted toenails. A knock at the door rushes her to gulp down the last of her coffee and reapply some cherry flavored lip-gloss. “Hang on!” “I mean come in!” A welcome sight, Dr. Jones in a pair of Levi’s and a black button up shirt. “Very nice,” she tells herself. “I smell coffee,” he smiles. “Can I get you some?” “Black please,” he takes a step inside. “Come on in, make yourself at home.” “I have hazelnut” “Ok you got me” “I’ll try some.” “Do you wanna sit on the porch?” “Yeah, do you need help?” “No I’ve got it.” Savanna and Michael head for the porch. The conversation seems to flow. A common interest carried the conversation. He lost his wife to cancer two years ago. We became comfort buddies. It helped to share our stories of life and loss, of past love and future dreams. Michael was very handsome, in him she saw a bit of Blake and Ryan, the sweetness of both. He became a very important part of her healing in more ways than one.


December Wind

It was cold, you could see your breath, on the ground the snow was powder-like, when you walked it sprayed through the air. The wind was piercing the sun glistened on the snow like shimmering diamonds. It was bitter cold but the work was to be done, so off to the studio she went. It was small, but hers, she rented it from a nice old man that owns several businesses in town. There she paints and sketches of days gone by. It was nearly lunch-time; she began to put away her art supplies and cleans her brushes.
She hears the door open, the bells at the top jingled and a gush of cold air followed. “Hello?” anyone back there?” “In a minute”, she brushes the hair from her face. Her auburn hair tossled on top of her head, pieces falling down. “I must look a mess”, she thinks to herself. A familiar voice, unmistakingly familiar. “Excuse me miss” he said politely. That voice, “Oh my gosh!” she gasps. Standing before her for the first time in twenty years, it was Blake Daniels, her heart sank. All of a sudden she was back in school she was back in high school, fumbling to find the right words, as the lump in her throat grew larger. “Savanna?” his words rang through the air. “Savanna is that you?” No answer… she was stunned…shocked and somewhat embarrassed. “Oh my gosh, don’t look at me!” her face was red she hid behind her paint covered hands. “What are you doing here?” she shrieked. “Is this your shop?” he questioned her as he looked around. “All mine”, she proudly smiled. “Well I rent it, but I may be able to buy it next fall.
” Blake Daniels… handsome as ever, his hair still black as coal. His blue eyes pierced straight through her heart and soul. “Time had been kind,” she thought. A mixture of feelings ran through every part of her. She paused and thought of Ryan. A part of her would always love him… but a part of her heart, years before Ryan there was Blake. What had started out a summer romance, some might say “puppy love, turned out to be bigger than the both of them. She fell fast and hard like most young girls do… he was older… she could barely breathe when he was anywhere near her, but she was drawn to him… every part of her wanted him… needed him… once again he made her want him…Did he feel the same? Did he think the years had been kind to her? “You are still as beautiful as the day I met you.” Then she knew… it was time… time to let herself love again. Her mind was racing trying to keep up with her heart. She was afraid. She had only been with Ryan after Blake and no one since…no one.
She had taken care of kids, work, friends and her parents plus every stray animal on the planet… but not taken care of herself. It was time, her time. “What if he’s married?” “Oh that would be just terrific!” “Just my luck!” she frowned to herself. A million thoughts flooded her mind, all in a matter of seconds. She looked at him slightly puzzled, “What did you say?” “Are you alright?” he asked. “HUH?” Savanna, are you o.k.?” He touched her shoulder with a concerned look. “Oh, I’m sorry Blake,” she said with a red face. “I’m just so surprised to see you here.” “Why are you here?” she didn’t mean to sound rude but after twenty years it was quiet a surprise.” Actually I’m passing through I saw the sign in your window”.”Oh, she said biting her lower lip, a nervous habit she acquired as a child. “Is it still for rent?” “I just need it for the weekend.” “Are you sure?” she blushed. He smiled and winked, “Yes I’m sure.”
She had decided to rent the extra room out upstairs. The kids had their rooms; Caden was off at college, sometimes home on the weekends. She thought they could use the extra income. Things were tough at times with Ryan gone. Being a single mother was trying at times but the kids were the only joy she had left. Sometimes after the kids went to sleep she sat on the porch in her old rocker and looked over the mountain tops, sometimes wishing on the brightest star. Would she ever love again? Is there someone out there for me? She would think out loud. Would she ever feel like a woman again? Feel the touch of a man… could there be another Ryan? Or at least someone like him, someone who would love her. So many questions… how would she find the answers that she desperately needed? Each night she ask God to reveal his plan to her. She longed for Ryan, for his touch…the way he made love to her, the way he wanted her, she wanted him still. There was a void in her life, in her heart. Would God answer her prayer? Could this be the day that she prayed for? How would she know? “Have you had lunch?” “No, I was just about to run to the house for lunch.” “Would you like to follow me over?” “I can show you the room.” He agreed and she hung up a closed sign in the window and headed toward the house. It was twelve o’clock, she nervously fumbled for her keys and started her car. A blue mustang, her dad bought it for her birthday a few years back. Ryan shook his head and said he favored his pick-up any day of the week. It was a guy thing. She smiled as that crossed her mind. Blake followed her in a forest green Ford F350. She felt guilty… Would Ryan approve? It was only lunch… What about the room? Would that be o.k.? It would be nice to have adult company, with the pit of her stomach tied in a knot; she pulled into the driveway and rested her head on the steering wheel. “I don’t know if I can do this?” she whispers to herself. She pulled herself together and got out of her car.
Blake had rented the upstairs room from Savanna. She made him breakfast each morning along with her kids. She introduced him as an old friend from high school. They liked him he was funny. He told stories and too them fishing when he went. This weekend ended sooner than she’d hoped. Once again he was leaving. Did she dare stop him? They made small talk. They sat on the front porch, she in her rocking chair and he sat on the porch swing. She ask him about his life, if he had married or had children. He had a son, Jake. He married at twenty-five. It lasted three years. He met her at the University of Tennesee. Her name was Jade. She left him for a professor at the college. He smiled she gave me Jake. Savanna too smiled and sipped her coffee. She still felt a connection, chemistry. A few times he brushed against her as she made coffee or while she was cooking. She paused and closed her eyes. She wanted to reach out… but she was afraid and he too was hesitant because of Ryan, because of the children, he just wasn’t sure. He too was afraid she spoke of Ryan with love and he didn’t want to hurt her. He too was lonely. He dated some but nothing serious. He was an architect, he stayed busy. Like Savanna he devoted his time to work and his son Jake, who was back in Tennessee with his mother. He was sixteen and taking an interest in his dads work.
Blake was all packed suit case in hand. It was Sunday night; the kids were asleep it was getting late. Still he was there at 11pm. “Did he not want to go? “”Is there something he wanted to say to me? “Is it what I’m dying inside to say to him?” There he was standing in my kitchen he sat his suitcase by the door. I was cleaning up wiping the counter. I turned around and he startled me.”Oh!” I gasp. “You’re leaving?” “Yeah back to work early in the morning”. She felt a lump in her throat. “Blake…” she looked at him so many times before. His eyes still blue as the morning sky, this time reminded her of the ocean. A tear streamed down his cheek. “If I kissed you, you’d probably cry”, he smirked. She too was fighting back the flood of emotion boiling inside her. “If you don’t I’m going to have to kill you!” she laughed. She walked slowly towards him and laid her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her tousled auburn hair. She was still so beautiful to him if she acquired any wrinkles she must have found a magic cream to make them disappear! She looked prettier than before, if that were possible. He had picked up a few wrinkles over the years which Savanna had noticed but called it character. The same goes for a few gray hairs she had noticed in his hair. Still it was black as the night only a few gray hairs in his mustache and around his face. “I don’t want you to go”, stay with me>” she found herself sixteen again…” I can’t stay” he spoke softly” I can come back” he added. Her heart sank a familiar phrase. She led him by the hand to the den where the fireplace was burning. It was December…The tree was in the corner, decorated by popcorn sting and hand-painted ornaments that the children had made over the years. Multi-colored lights from top to bottom. A golden angel on top. She laid a thick blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace. It was quiet only the sound of the fire crackling could be heard. Again she was sixteen. She blushed as he ran his finger down her face and then her neck. She kept her eyes opened. She gazed intensely into his hungry eyes. This time she wasn’t nervous. She knew what she needed. Her nervousness turned into desire. Although many times she had been with, Blake, she hadn’t really ‘been with’ Blake. They made out as teenagers do, maybe went a little further than she would of admitted to her mother at sixteen. She had only been intimate with Ryan. She felt as if she couldn’t breathe, he kissed her fingertips and told her with his eyes that he wanted her. She closed her eyes and pulled the clip from her hair.
Her auburn hair fell onto her shoulders and she opened her eyes and he kissed her lips gently. Her emerald eyes glistened from the fire light. He ran his finger along her jaw line…she touched his hand with hers. He smelled like English leather. A familiar scent from her favorite summer. He smelled good enough to bite! She moved in to kiss him and playfully bite his lower lip. He growled and rolled her on the blanket as they laughed. That December Blake Daniels her first love made love to her for the very first time. He was gentle, he was strong, he was all that she needed for so long. He held her for hours. They drifted off to sleep his arms around her. Morning light crept through the window, she was already making coffee and breakfast. She’d been up since 5am as usual. “Blake, she whispered. “What time is it?” It’s almost 6 o’clock.” I’ll go home tomorrow, can I use the phone?” He got up and folded the blanket, got dressed and called Tennessee. We all had breakfast together like a family. We decided to spend Christmas together. Christmas was two weeks away and Jake would be with him for the holidays. They were coming to WV to see the mountains covered in snow and to see us! And they did.


Tiny Black Box

“Christmas was wonderful and we were happy”. Savanna reads an entry written nearly a year ago in her journal.“So why am I alone?” His work is there… Mine is here… “MY" heart is there…Is his here? She wandersand begins to write; Dear journal… Why am I so stubborn? Why do I settle for being lonely, when I could be so happy? He calls and begs me to come to Tennessee. I tell him I can’t…he sounds disappointed. He says he loves me. I think I love him. I’m not sure I ever really stopped. “What do I do?” She puts down her journal refills her coffee cup and heads for her antique rocker. Grandmas quilt over her shoulder, Clyde at her feet. She curls up in the rocker. Sipping her coffee. She remembers Blake swinging on the porch swing and smiles. The sky is amber and shades of pink and gold. The air is chilly, its October now, the leaves are falling. She begins to cry. Blake Daniels architect age 41 he sits at a desk in a high rise office building, going-over blue prints, his mind drifts back to December…snow covered mountains, he thinks of her. He picks up the phone and lays it back down. He taps his pencil on his desk. His hands cover his face and then pounds his fists on his desk. Papers fly to the floor. His pencils fly through the room and hit the wall. Shaking his head, he laughs to himself… he was nineteen, he and Savanna, then sixteen go to a Def Leopard concert. They catch a ride with Blake’s friend Mike in the ‘green goober’, Mike’s sad but handy transportation. Savanna looks hot! Her hair is untamed a definite 80’s do. He picks her up; she’s wearing a black mini skirt with a zipper from the thigh all the way to the waist. Her black hose had a seam down the back, black boots, nails and top. Very sexy! Until she totally wiped out in a pool of beer! First her and Blake were talking then he looked back and it’s like”, where’d she go?” She bit the big one!” Totally embarrassing! It was their first real date. She recovered from her fall and they had a wonderful time. He shakes his head and smiles,” I miss you,” he says to himself. He grabs his leather jacket and calls it a day. Driving down the highway in Knoxville Tennessee, Blake’s mind travels back once again to the year he was nineteen. He smiles and shakes his head as he remembers her sweet smell, her soft lips. He feels her in his heart, a knot in his stomach, he suddenly feels sad. He sees her crying as he leaves her, he wants to comfort her. Her sad eyes haunt him. He sees her face in every girl, he remembers her, and he longs for her. Will he ever hold her again? Would he ever dare to reach out to her, would she reject him, could he bare it? After Blake’s marriage had crumbled, he periodically dated nothing serious. Who ever she was, she never lived up to Savanna. He resented her at times, but he knew it was him that was at fault.
He pulls into the driveway to pick up Jake, now 5 from his mother’s. Jake the spitting image of Blake with his mothers green eyes, although his green eye s reminded him of Savanna. Maybe that’s what drew him to his wife. She too was a short red head, sweet but not faithful and defiantly not Savanna. Would his fear and stubbornness keep him away from her forever? After an afternoon at the movies with Jake and a trip to the toy store he returns him to his mother’s house at 7:30pm. Driving home he thinks of her again… his auburn dream. He recalls the letters that she had written, he kept them all. One in particular contained a poem, which he had set to music with his acoustic guitar. He hums the tune and sings the chorus (which was all he could remember). Finally he arrives at his house, it’s a little after 8pm. He unlocks the door flips on the light and heads for the closet. In a small wooden box in the corner of the bedroom closet was her letters. Neatly stacked, he takes the string around them off and fumbles through them one by one. It’s the pink envelope that smells of lilacs. He talks to himself. Actually they all smell of her lilac perfume, but they all weren’t pink so it was easy to find. He takes it out of the envelope carefully he unfolds it and sighs. He begins to read, it comes back to him he picks up his guitar and begins to sing…


Precious Moments in Time

All we had was a moment in time,
How could we have lived and loved a lifetime…
in my mind I play it back again and again,
Precious moment in time…
In the corner of my mind,
Little pieces of my heart,
Takes me back to the start…
Take me back to when you were mine,
Back to that precious moment in time…
A look my way a little smile,
Come and walk with me for awhile…
Two hearts beating at the same time,
A kiss under the moonlight makes a precious moment in time…
Stolen moments no one has to know,
I think I love you I know I need you so hold me,
Like this might be the last time…
Let me hold this moment in my heart forever.
Precious moments in time…
Memories flooding my mind take my hand,
And take me in your arms again…
In you I find a lover and a friend,
Precious moments in time…
In the corner of my mind little pieces of my heart,
Take me back to the start…
Take me back to when you were mine,
Back to that precious moment in time.


He smiles and sits his guitar in the corner, letter by his side on the bed, he wipes a tear that ran down his cheek, “How could I have lost her?” he kicks a shoe across the room. Lying back on his bed, letter in hand he lays it across his chest and stares at the ceiling. I need a cigarette he grumbles. He quit but kept them in the night stand for such emergency. Purely a stress smoker these days. He lights up his emergency Marlboro red and takes another letter. The clock chimes at midnight he grabs a pillow and sleeps on the floor by a over run ashtray and a pile of letters from a distant love. Morning finds him too soon, but work calls so he has to answer. He jumps up and heads for the shower to begin the day. Little did he know this would be the day that would lead him to her. Two cups of coffee and one for the road he grabs his keys and heads for the office. He sometimes wanders what it would have been like to have been a part of her family, what their lives would have been like. He left a part of his heart when he left her behind. He wanders if she ever thinks of him…
Savanna curls up in her grandmothers quilt journal in hand in her favorite spot, in the rocker on the front porch. She sips a cup of hot tea with honey and lemon, a switch from her usual coffee, (clearly she was a addict). At least to the caffeine if not the coffee.
I close my eyes and he touches me again. No matter how many years come between us, he is there waiting for me. In every thought, every dream, of fiber of my being longs for him. The past that I thought I left behind haunts me like a sad song. Pulling at the strings of my heart, I want to run to him. “Is it too late?” My love for Ryan is true, it always will be, but Ryan is gone and before Ryan Blake held the key to my heart. Maybe there were two keys all along. Is it wrong to have loved and lost and to love again? In a way I have lost them both, but maybe what was lost with Blake was there all along. Is it wrong to love two men in a lifetime? Two men so differently, yet loved equally. I think sometime there are some similarities. I saw Blake in Ryan, yet Ryan was his own person. I didn’t want him to be like Blake, he wasn’t. Yet he had that little rebel edge I found so sexy. Ryan will never in this lifetime hold me again, but maybe…destiny will be kind enough to bring me full circle with Blake. When I sleep at night I see him with both of his hands touching my face, I feel his tongue against mine, his breath on my neck, his hand now touching my back, his hands warm. I miss him, I love him, “Oh my God, I do love him,” she finishes her tea and was off to work, she got to the shop a little early to make coffee for her customers (and for herself). She started, took out her paints and began with a beautiful winter scene of the river.
After a long days work 6 pm Blake Daniels sits alone in his room. He opens the drawer by his bedside. In it is a box, a tiny black velvet box. He takes it out and opens it. Inside is a diamond ring, marquee cut, one ct. He bought it in hope that Savanna would come to Tennessee with him. She felt she couldn’t leave, he felt the same. Now both of them were miserable. He thought of December, he imagined touching her. He knew he must go to her, that his life would not be complete without her. He smiled as he thought of the paintings in her shop, of the mountains, of her family, of the way she looked covered in paint, her hair all tossled. Like her mother she was a beautiful artist. Her mother still painted some too. Her dad retired from the army. She had a sister, a N.Y. business woman and her brother was a musician. Staring out the window at the snow falling down, she smiles. She runs her finger tips across her lips remembering the way his wet lips felt against hers.
Drifting back in time once again to the year she turned sixteen...Her mother had gone to store and taken the kids with her. At last they were all alone. Time was limited, yet precious, every second she heard her heart beat louder with each breath she drew. At first she sat in the living room chair, no words spoken. He walked over from the couch and stood by her chair, taking her hand. Still no words, she couldn’t even look at him she was so intrigued by him, yet intimidated. He stood beside her like a gentle giant…he softly brushed the back of her against him, still she couldn’t say no words. He squeezed her hand gently, still moving it slowly across his faded Levi’s. He bent down and said “come over here”. He took her by the hand and faced her, her back against the living room door. He began to kiss her this time she looked at him, again he kissed her, her neck, her lips, and her shoulders. She could hear him breathing he was so beautiful, she thought to herself. His eyes made her breathless and her knees grew weak as he moved his body up and down hers passionately. He kissed her so softly as if she were going to break. He made her crazy, she wanted to scream! He looks into her eyes and everything his words did not say her heart heard. She felt his warm breath against her neck he melted into her. This time his kiss was felt in her toes, different than the ones before, deeper, harder. Her fingers grasping his white t-shirt, she opens her eyes to the sound of a car in the driveway, “mom”, she gasps! “Stay here, she pointed him to the living room chair, she unlocks the door and runs to the bathroom to throw her ponytail back in order. A quick check in the mirror as she unsmudges a bit of mascara underneath her eye, she hears the door open. Calmly she walks down the hallway. Blake with his nose in his math book, he’s helping me with my pre-algebra, she smiles cheerfully. Their eyes lock as they are thinking what a close call they had. Savanna knew better to have a boy in the bedroom, and to even have one in the living room “to study” while no one was home was pushing it. She was relieved that she didn’t get into trouble. Mom even asked Blake to stay for dinner, and he did.
Friday night Blake sits in a well worn recliner, feet propped up remote in hand. He flips through the channels one by one. His heart pleads with him once again to go to her. What would he have to lose? If she didn’t feel the same could he bare it? He had to know. He lights a cigarette, and kicks in the foot stool, and leans forward. He sits with his face in his hand and finishes his cigarette. “I’ve got to do it!” He says out loud. He packs a small bag and heads for the door with a tiny black box inside the pocket of his black leather jacket. Blake decides to take a trip to West Virginia, Savanna’s home-town. He figures at least her parents might still live there. His heart is heavy…The road is long, the anticipation is great. She heard the bells of the front door ring and stopped breathing for a moment as a slight breeze sent a chill down her spine. It was her mother with doughnuts to go with the coffee, she sighed. She decided to work late that day; the kids had planned to go to a fall festival in town. It was 9pm she snacked on some pretzels she had left there earlier. She heard the bells jingle again as they had all day when the door opened. A gush of wind swept through the studio giving her a chill. “Mom”, she called out. “Is anyone there?” no one answered. She walked to the front desk. There were 2 dozen red roses sitting on the counter top. They were beautiful! She looked around, no one was there. She was surprised and a little spooked, no card. She opened the door and looked outside, no one. The streets were empty because of the fall festival. “OK’…. A secret admirer she wandered. She sat back down to paint… she paused… English leather… “Blake?” she called out. There was a tiny black velvet box on her desk top by her brushes she hadn’t noticed till now. She curiously opened it. “Oh my God!” “Do you like it?” Blake appears from nowhere. “I told you I’d come back for you”. She stomps his toe, “What took you so long?” They began to laugh. Blake placed the diamond ring on Savannah’s hand. “I’m going to do this right”, he smirked. Down on his knee he took her hand and asked Savanna Danielle Oliver to be his wife and she accepted with an apology for the stomp of his toes! “I love you Savanna, I always have”, he touched her face. “I have held a special place in my heart for you since the summer that you came into my life”. “I don’t want to wake up and find it was all a dream”, she looks at him with tears in her eyes. “How could I ever of let you go Savanna?” I’m so sorry, how can I…”Don’t”, she touches his lips. “It’s not your fault, it’s no ones fault.” “We were kids”, she smiles. “What about all those years we’ve wasted?” He looks at her tearfully. “What happened?” We’ve come full circle”, she whispers. “I love you”….”I never stopped loving you”…he holds her in his arms. “Things happen for a reason, look at our beautiful children, I don’t know that I would change things, maybe some things,” she lays her head upon his chest.” So many times I’ve thought of looking you up, maybe I was afraid you’d be in a relationship or what we had was just… well, what it was back then, a summer love…but it was so much more. It had to have been for all this time to pass and to feel it so strong inside after all these years.” The life I’ve had has been a good life,” Savanna holds his hands in hers. “But you always held a place in my heart.” It was God’s plan for us to find one another again after all these years.” With her emerald eyes full of tears she turns the “opened” sign in the window over. Wiping a tear she moves toward him. She stands before him.
A silent pause…No words could say what their hearts felt that moment. The reconnecting of their souls was overwhelming as the flood of emotions over took them. Savannah began to cry. They fell to their knees consoling one another, they both cried as they kissed each other softly. Blake closed his eyes as he kissed her neck and shoulders, he smelled her skin, so familiar’. Savanna moaned as she felt his breath on her bare skin, keeping her eyes open, not to miss a moment. He kissed her fingertips as worked his way down to her painted toes, sporting a silver toe ring. He smiles as he kisses the heart pierced by a rose tattooed on her right ankle. She giggles as he playfully bites her ankle, growling as he moves his way back up.” What did I do to deserve this?” Savanna laughs uncontrollably. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for this night. The December wind blew in more than Savanna ever expected that night. The love that she had longed for so many years was found that December night.
One year later…..Savanna finally finishes her first book and starts on the next one. Blake transferred to W.V. where he works doing what he loves to do. Savanna still paints and writes as she sits in her antique rocker and dreams of the days gone by. She smiles, wandering what the future holds for them. They married that December. They were happier than they ever dreamed they could be. Sitting at a table in “Denise Ann’s country book store” at the town center mall in Charleston West Virginia sat “Savanna Oliver Daniel’s”, it was her first book signing. All the years of sitting on her front porch and in her “corner of the world” on one well worn end of her couch had finally paid off. It was a honor and a thrill to finally arrive in the world of writing as a published author. Her very first book “December Wind”, was the story of her life, her loves and losses and her ability to rise above it all. She was so proud as she signed the very first copy; “Savanna Oliver Daniels” she smiled as she handed it to a young girl who reminded her of herself so many years ago.
Later that evening… Savanna sits in her favorite rocker, grandma’s quilt wrapped around her, coffee in hand. The evening sky is soft pink with lilac clouds weaving in and out. Clyde jumps up and sits comfortably on her stomach and is startled by a “thump” “sorry Clyde”, must be the coffee, she laughs. Little Blake kicks again, her hand rubbing her now huge belly. Clyde “meows” and rubs against her feet. Blake calls from the kitchen, “Breakfast is ready!” Savanna smiles and looks up at the sky and to God, says “Thank You”.


The End

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.10.2010

Alle Rechte vorbehalten