No such things

Prologue:

I stand there. Telling myself to be strong. I can't stop the tears, no matter how hard I try. It's easily disguised by the rain. I let pour down my face.

"Here, come stand under this umbrella." My neighbor tells me.

"No," it's barely audible with my voice cracking. "I'm fine." She cocks her head, sympathetically. I give a sad smile and turn back to the unburied casket. Some men come to lift it into the ground. I'll never see him. Ever again. "Daddy" I whimper. I'm such a wimp. I sniff. People look back to see if I'm crying. Nosy much? They're about to drop it in the ground. This is when I can't take the pain in my heart anymore. I turn and run, as fast as I can in a dress and wedges. I run for the woods, and as soon as I get there, I hide behind a tree. To hide my shame. I take off my shoes and throw them. I cry, bawl my eyes out. Whatever you want to call it. "Daddy, daddy, daddy" I lay in the mud, letting the rain flow from the sky and on my shivering body. Never in my life have I felt this lonely.

Chapter one:

It's been two, tormenting years, since my fathers death. Tomorrow is my birthday. But it's not for me to get excited. It's also the eve of my fathers death. Died the day after my fourteenth birthday. He was all I had left, and he too was gone. My neighbor, Cynthia, has been taking care of me. She says she worries sometimes. I don't talk, I rarely eat, and all I do is stare at my unpainted wall. She told me I could decorate, but, I wasn't up for it. I sometimes go to my old house, where I grew up, with my father. It's still untouched.

Today is one of those days. I slide on my black converses. Black is my favorite color. Next to green of course. "Be back before 11, Crystal" Cynthia says.

"Yes, ma'am." I whisper and I shut the door. She knows I like to spend the whole day there when I go. I walk through the woods. The leaves, crunching under my shoes, twigs snapping, and crows cawing. It's quite a creepy place, but it's my favorite place next to my old house. My father would bring me out here. Not just to gather, but we did everything together.

I walk to the old house. It looks a little run down. I should probably start taking care of it. I swallow and take a deep breath. It shakes on the way out as I try to bite back the tears. I close my eyes tight and open the door, shakily. I go and sit at the dinning table. I look around and just burst out crying. I lay my arms on the table and bury my head in them.

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. I'm not going to leave you. Not right now." My head jerks up. My face is drenched.

"Daddy?" I breathe heavily. "Daddy. Daddy! Is that you?" Oh great. Now I'm hearing things. It makes me sob even harder.

"Don't cry, darling. Didn't I say I wasn't leaving you? I might leave for a while, but I swear it I'll be back."

"Where are you daddy?" I sniff.

"Well don't you see me? I'm sitting right next to you." Yeah, I've lost it. Gone mental. I expect the men in the white coats to barge in any second now. I run a hand, tiredly, through my brown hair. I take deep breaths and stare at the hardwood floor for a while.

Chapter two:

The crunch of the leaves are different. I'm paying attention to more things. I mean, who wouldn't? It's getting dark. I left a little early. A lot of things to take in, to think about. Had I really lost it? Maybe my mind was trying to satisfy me. Pretending he's still here. I know well enough he isn't. And why was he going to leave? Doesn't he understand how much I need him? Especially at this time of the year. My birthday. And school starts next month. My dad always helped me. I'm grateful for Cynthia, but I want my daddy.

" Hey Crystal." I turn around quickly. There he is. The guy I was in love with before- yeah. What's he doing in the woods?

"Um, hi, Mike" I say.

"How are you?" Small talk? Why?

"Ok. What about you?"

"Just fine." He's so cute. And nice. And... Popular. Why is- how did he even know my name?!?

"What are you doing here?"

"Just walking.... Actually..... I was looking for you. To see how you were holding up."

"Oh," I say blushing. He must see it in my cheeks cause he smiles. Everyone's a sucker for him. It's that smile of his. Bright white teeth, high cheekbones, big smile. It can make anyone melt. "Well, I'm fine, thank you."

"Uhm, can I ask a question?"

"Shoot." He's not my best friend. Why am I acting like he is?

"Uh..... Will you..... Uh.... Uhm. Show me your house!" I can tell that's not what he wanted. I swallow.

"Uhm. Sure. If you want." I whisper. He gives me a look I've never seen him give anyone. It drives me wild. We stand there a moment, staring into each others eyes. "Uhm, let's go." I say. I turn and start walking. I look back. He still stands there. Unmoved. "You comin?"

"Oh yeah, sorry." He snaps back to reality and follows me.

 

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.10.2013

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