I just don’t know what to do, do I give up my children (which I’ve wanted since I was 13), or do I save my mother (who gave birth to me, and loves me)? I toss and turn in bed, I can’t sleep! Even with Micah’s arm wrapped around me and my growing stomach I can’t seem to sleep. So many questions roam through my mind in a never ending tornado. Micah grunts and holds me closer to him; I try to let his scent loll me to sleep. I inhale his tiger scent through my nose and it sends me a buzz, but I don’t need a buzz! I need sleep! I suck my teeth and get up; I put on my socks and walk outside. The air isn’t blowing; it hasn’t been blowing all night, so it’s kinda humid. I see a silhouette of a man and I know its daddy. I think he’s taking it the hardest; this is the third time they’ve taken mom, once when she was carrying me the last time and now this time. He thinks he’s failed her but I know deep in my heart he tried. I didn’t even know they were there and I was closest. He doesn’t hear me come behind him, so when I put my hand on his shoulder he jumps.
“You should be getting some rest” I tell him softly
“So should you” he says grimly, I sigh, I put my head on his shoulder
“Please don’t blame yourself, if anything it was my fault” I tell him softly
“I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame myself, I just wish they would leave us alone”
“You know the price for them to leave us alone, I know Micah knows, hell I think the pack knows” I murmur, when he says nothing I add,
“I can’t sleep; I can’t think I can’t even eat right now. She’s out there with that council and the only way to get her back is for me to give up my children. I would suggest we run away, that’s what you and mom did, but they have her. And I have no doubt they would kill her if we ran”. I let out a breath,
“I really just don’t know what to do, and sometimes I just want to pretend I never existed. What would happen then? Maybe Micah’s mom would still be alive, maybe you and mom would be happy together, who knows what would have been?” I sniff, my head still on his shoulder,
“But I can’t always pretend, then I have to face reality and reality is I either lose my mother or my children. But it’s not just about me anymore; Micah loses his children or his mother-in-law. You lose your wife or your grandchildren mom loses her life or her grandchildren. And I just don’t know what to do daddy” tears flow down my cheek and he wraps me in a hug.
“Do whatever you think is right, baby, and I’ll support you. 100 percent” his voice is muffled by my hair. He rubs my back slowly, comforting me and when I stop crying he pulls back. He gently wipes the tears from my face, and kisses my forehead,
“Go get some sleep, ok?” I nod and he pushes me gently toward the inside of the den. I walk to my compartment and stare at Micah’s sleeping form, his breath is even and uninterrupted. I walk to the mattress and sit down as softly as I can without hurting myself or waking Micah up. I don’t get much sleep, seeing as I slept in a sitting position and when I wake up at what I deem to be 5 I think it’s ok to finally wake up. I get off the bed carefully and wash up; I put on a long white dress. My stomach has grown immensely and it looks like I’ll pop any day soon, which is very possible. I don’t wake Micah up, instead I just take my basket and go out berry picking. The sun is just rising and it gives the world a yellow-orange tint. I head toward the berry bush and rub my fingers over the buds. We don’t have much a variety, only raspberries and blueberries, but we make them count. I hum as many nursery rhymes as I can remember and just as I finish the picking the pack is just beginning to wake up. Only the children have woken up though and as I stroll back to the den I give them a handful of berries. They smile at me, some of them have teeth, some of them are missing a few but all of them have those green eyes. They gather around me and eat their berries; I sit in the dirt ignoring the white dress and eat berries too.
“Did your parents ever tell you the story of the star that could?” I ask them suddenly and they all shake their head.
“Well that’s a shame, would you like me to tell you?” they all nod their heads
“Well, this was long ago when the sun was young and just learning to shine the right way. And while the sun was learning a couple of rocks were passing by. One rock said to the smaller one ‘I bet you can’t make it pass the sun’ the smaller rock was very upset by what the bigger rock said so he twirled around and said bravely ‘I bet I can’ and then the rock threw himself toward the sun” all the kids gasped and ate their berries, a few of the adults came out and watched us
“While the little rock went toward the sun it became hotter and hotter, and soon the rock realized that he would turn to ash if he kept going, but then the bigger rocks’ voice would play in his mind ‘I bet you can’t, I bet you can’t’ but then the little star pushed himself faster and said ‘I know I can I know I can’ and do you know what happened to the little star” they all shook their head no and I smiled,
“We’re sitting on him” they looked down and one little girl stood up and said “oops”
“It doesn’t hurt him anymore, in fact it tickles. You see the little star got closer and closer to the sun he grew, and he grew, and he grew. He grew so big that he completely missed the sun and hit mars, it bounced right off and landed right here, actually” I picked up a small little boy and put him on my lap,
“If you listen close enough you can hear him talking to you” they were quiet, even I was quiet but we only heard the rustle of the leaves, the running race of the water and the flowers blooming, then from the tree behind me we heard a whisper, a deep whisper “Hello” I smile, I know that voice but the children don’t and if they do they don’t know it by heart. I hear gasps of astonishment and laughter,
“shh, listen harder” I tell them and they quiet down
“I think it’s very nice of you to try to” Micah’s voice booms “but little wolves hurt their ears when they try so hard” they all giggle, then their mothers or fathers come and pick them up. I hear all the ye;;s of happiness and the laughter and the little boy in my lap tugs at my sleeve
“Can you tell us another story, tomorrow?” I smile
“How about tonight?” he smiles and I see he’s missing three teeth
“I’ll go tell everyone” he says then leaps off my lap. I get up and dust off my dress, I walk to the tree behind me and smile,
“Thanks for that” I tell him as I lean on the tree, he looks at me and smiles
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean” he says coyly then kisses my forhead,
“You ok?” he asks
“Yeah, I had a talk with daddy last night, I still don’t know what to do but he says he’ll stick by me no matter what I choose” I blew out a puff of air “but that really doesn’t help me, I’m due any day soon I don’t know where this council is and I still don’t know what to do yet” I slide down and he sits next to me. He holds my hand,
“We can always try again” he tells me and I know what he’s talking about. I grip his hand tighter,
“You mean it?” I ask hopefully and he sends me a weak smile
“Of course”
“Well,” I sigh “that’s one problem, I don’t know where the council is”
“You do, every sprite and fairy knows it, they just have to focus” he says, he kisses my forehead,
“I’m going to go hunting so we can actually eat tonight, ok?” I nod and smile. He helps me up then I dust off my dress. I come from behind the tree and walk back to the den.
I sleep for the rest of the night; sometimes my mind wanders and other times it goes to what Micah said. Maybe if I just focus I’d be able to go to the council. I wake up just as the sun is about to down, my last dream was scary, it involved crying babies screaming women and blood. So. Much. Blood. I rub my face and look around, the letter is crisply folded on the floor next to the mattress. I pick it up and read it but my eyes catch on one line:
Since we could not stop your unfortunate birth,
And then it hit me, it was that simple! That’s all I had to do, in order to save the ones I live I just had to be a martyr. So simple, Micah could have his children mom could have her life and Micah would take over the pack, if not then daddy. So simple! I get up smiling and walk outside. They’ve made a fire and are slow roasting a deer, yummy! The children have gathered in a circle staring at our den waiting for me to come. When they do they whisper amongst themselves. I walk to the center and see a basket of nuts, I smile and give them each a handful. They start to crack them with their teeth and I smile, smart pups, my wolf mutters to me.
“Have you ever heard of the wolf and his mistress?” they all shake their heads and I smile,
“Well long, long ago there were a pack of wolves and they all surrounded the fire every night just to hear the moon sing, they’d listen to her all night even after the last embers of the fire died out. One night a lone wolf wandered into the pack listening to the moon, he did not understand so he asked ‘what are you doing?’ the pack elder looked onto the lone wolf and answered ‘we are listening to the moon’. The lone wolf did not understand, the moon has no sound ‘but how do you do this?’ the lone wolf asks. Without looking upon him the elder said ‘we listen with our hearts not our ears’. The lone wolf sat and thought, he wanted to hear the moon too, so he sat and he sat until the moon went down. He looked at the pack ‘how do you listen with your heart?’ one of the packs youngsters looked to him and said ‘you can listen only if your heart is pure’ the lone wolf did not understand. In his frustration he walked from the pack, he was tired of being confused” the kids laughed and the pack chuckled, I realized I had the whole packs attention
“So the next night and the next night after that the lone wolf always tried to listen, to the moon but it never worked, he starved himself, stopped bathing and never talked. He wanted his heart to be as pure as the strongest river. One night while he stared at the moon an image shimmered in front of him, it was that of a beautiful lady. Her face was white and she wore a long silky gray dress, she was truly like the moon. She reached her hand out to him and said ‘come my love, you’ve waited long enough’ her voice was that of music and silk and love. The wolf walked up to her and lay at her feet. To this day that wolf was never seen again, but we always see his mistress up in the sky calling for us.” I looked to the sky and saw the moon hanging in the sky I howled and they joined me. Soon the whole pack chorused in and we ended in joyous laughter. You’d better enjoy it, my wolf says to me grimly, if you still plan to continues with your plan we won’t have much time to enjoy times like these. It almost makes me stop, but then Micah kisses me on the lips and the pack ‘woops’ and I start laughing, and she growls in contentment.
My nights sleep is peaceful, there is no screaming ladies or crying babies or blood. I can hear myself snore and just as I feel the sun rising I feel the wetness between my legs. Oh god, its happening, I relax and get up. I take deep breaths there is no immediate pain so I have time. Micah is as still as stone but he remains sleeping. I smile quietly and gather my berry basket. When I leave the den bright green eyes land on me, the children sit in a circle by the tree. They already have 2 baskets of berries in the middle just waiting for me. I walk to them and give out 2 handfuls of berries to each child. I sit down carefully and relax, no pain yet, I’m good. They all start to eat their berries and I relax, I can do this, this will be my one token before I go.
“Have you ever heard the story of the bunny and the frog?” they all shake their heads no. have their parents ever told them stories?
“Well not too long ago their was a pretty white bunny, and this bunny was the prettiest in all the world, but she was lonely. She was lonely because she had no family, her mother and father left one day to get carrots for her and they never came back. So everyday bunny hops around searching for a companion, and one day she stumbles upon a little green frog. The frog is lonely too because his pond went dry and he was the only one left. The frog and the bunny became best friends, but not soon after their friendship a mean grizzly bear trapped frog. ‘my my, you are a meaty little frog aren’t you?’ the bear asked and the frog shook his head ‘not I, I am weak and greasy you would not want me’ his voice was quivering and shaking ‘but I am not’ the bunny said. She hopped right in front of the grizzly and stood as tall as she could ‘I am strong and hearty, I would make quite a good meal’ her voice did not shake and she stared at the grizzly with bravery. ‘do not eat my friend, eat me instead’ she said to the grizzly”
“But, why?” a little girl squeaks out “why did she do that?”
“Well, she loved her friend so much that she wanted her friend to live, even if it meant she had to die” I say softly, she looks so distraught that I open my arms to her. She sits on my lap and then I feel a ripping. I whimper and hug the child, I try my best not to squeeze her eyeballs out and succeed,
“It’s alright, sometimes we have to sacrifice for those we love” I crron to her and rub her black hair. She nods but stays on my lap.
“The frog told her not to but she ignored him ‘eat me mr.grizzly’ and without hesitation the grizzly picked her up and ate her. The grizzly left and the frog cried, he cried and cried never forgetting his friend that sacrificed for him. He cried so much that his chin stretched out and a croaking sound came out. So now whenever a frog is sad, we know their mourning for their friends when we hear that croak, does anyone know what it sounds like?”
“Ribbet, ribbet” a boy says and they laugh at him. Another ripping sound startles me and I can’t hold in my yell, I hold on to the little girl on my lap and squeeze my eyes closed, why does it hurt so muc? It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
“What’s wrong alpha?” a boy asks, immediately standing to attention,
“Get micah,” I manage to say “tell him it’s time” I tell the boy and he immediately runs out. I look to the rest of the children and they all looked scared,
“Get your parents tell them it’s time” they all scatter into den’s and I can’t remember which pack member lives where. Another rip and I scream out, the little girl hasn’t moved and I’m afraid I’m giving her bruises. My teeth have sharpened and I’m afraid I’m on the verge of changing.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” micah roars from the den, running to us
“You sleep like the dead and I wanted to tell the kids a story before you started going all command on me” I tell him between clenched teeth. The contraction has long passed but now I’m angry. He helps me up carefully but I keep a hold on the little girl, she doesn’t complain but Micah eyes me wearily. I send him a pointed look then he looks around at the pack that’s just coming around.
“I need water, cloth and the hardest nuts you can find” he yells at them and they all scatter trying to find his needs.
“I get the cloth and the water” I take a few breaths “but why the nuts?”
“You’ll need to chew on something so you don’t hurt your jaw” he says to me softly. He turns back to the pack who has handed him all his needs,
“Is anyone here familiar with childbirth?” he asks and I balk at him. He doesn’t know how to deliver a baby?! Cora steps forward, rolls up her sleeve and smiles at me,
“I know how,” she pushes the sheet that covers my stomach and my legs up to my knees. All the pack moves to my back so that her, the woods, the little girl and my bulging stomach is in my line of view. Someone hands her cloth and water, they out the nuts next to me and she arches a brow at me,
“Ready to have a baby?”
There is no right answere to that so I just give her a weak smile,
“Ok pretty girl, lets do this” she dips the cloth in the water then rings it out. She wipes down there and it feels amazing. Like water on a hot summer day it refreshes me and I believe I can do this.
“Well your ready to push, so I need you to push on the inside as hard as you can, ok pretty girl?”
“Umm will it come out the first time I push?” I ask hopefully and she sends me a sad smile
“Hopefully” she mutters, she looks at me espectantly and I nod. I breath in and relax,
“Ok now push” she says calmly to me and I push. I wish I hadn’t. it feels like something is just cracking me open from the inside out. I feel myself stretch out and I start to freak out. I clutch the little girl to me and she tries her best to be relaxed but it doesn’t work. She puts a nut in my mouth and I instantly crush it and spit it out.
“Ok. You can stop now” Cora tells me hurriedly and I look at micah, who’s face has blanched like the whitest sheet.
“The nuts don’t work you jerk” I tell him in a low voice that surprises even me. We’re getting weaker, my wolf tells me, childbirth is hard. You think, I snort at her, I wonder if it hurt this bad for mom. Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes, but it doesn’t matter she’ll be here soon.
“Ok, sweetie im gonna need you to push again” she says coaxingly after she wipes off what I’m sure is blood from down there.
“Ok” I say feebly then I push again. This time the ripping is more prominent and it burns me, I sit up
“Oh god, oh god, oh god!!” I scream but I cant stop pushing, it’s too painful.
“Ok your almost there sweety, just one more big push” I nod and oush again. I don’t have to push for long because I’m relieved with emptiness and a healthy baby’s cry.
The second one doesn’t hurt because his brother stretched enough room for him. 2 healthy baby boys, one with his fathers black hair and my green eyes and one with my blond hair and his fathers blue eyes. They both look up at me, coo-ing and smiling toothless smiles. Micah is behind me smiling down at them, the blond haired one links eyes with him and I don’t exist anymore. The black haired one is tugging my fingers trying to put it in his mouth but I tug it back. He giggles and tries it again , he gets it close to his mouth and I pull it away. He giggles but his eyes twinkle with mischief,
“Just like his mothers eyes” Micah syas from behind me his eyes has shifted to the blond haired one and the black haired one doesn’t seem to like it. He cries and it’s a deafening sound,
“Hush down you” I tell him and he silences. He looks at me and blinks, his green eyes sparkling, in that moment I know he’s mine. I knew it as soon as I pushed him out but now he’s officially mine. Mine to love, mine to protect, and mine to care for. Well me and Micah’s.
“He’s taken quite a liking to you” Cora says as she washes her hands off,
“Have you found a name yet?” Max asks I look at Micah and he looks to me.
“Alexander and Thomas” I say, I look to the black haired boy
“Do you like that, huh, do you like your name alexander?” I coo to him and he smiles, I look at Thomas who hasn’t stopped staring at me,
“Do you like your name Thomas?” I ask softly and his face scrunches up I know whats about to come so I fumble around for a better name
“Jacob, is Jacob better?” I ask getting a little scared and his face clears.
“Whew, that’s a relief, I thought he was gonna start crying” daddy says from behind me.
“You were terrible, your cries could kill a whole flock of eagles” he says with a smirk
“I hope they never cry” I say softly “even when I’m gone” I add silently. Micah looks at me and I hope he hasn’t heard me, I send him a smile and hold out an arm, the one holding Jacob. He looks at me for a little while longer then takes him. Jacob’s eyes focus on micah and he closes his eyes. He’s sleeping, really? I look at alex and he smiles, a toothless gummy smile that has me giggling. Their going to have a good life, their father will love them and take care of them. I just hope that they’ll live the life I wish for them. Tears spring in my eyes but I push them back and smile down at him. His face blamks out for a minute and I hear a very faint whisper in my mind,
“mommy?” my mouth forms in an ‘o’ as I look down at him.
“Alex,baby is that you?” I ask out loud but I don’t hear anything. Maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks on me,
“Mommy’s going crazy isn’t she alex?” I ask in a soft voice and he giggles. Daddy kisses my cheek then we both look at him. He doesn’t mind the attention, he doesn’t squirm or cry he just stays still and looks back at us with confidence.
“Just like your mother” daddy mumbles and I look at him, his face is etched with pain and I look at alex. The only thing I can see in him that mom has is his nose, ears but those eyes, their mine.
“She’ll be here soon” is all I tell him then attempt to stand. Attempt being the operative word. Cora and daddy stick me to the ground,
“I don’t want you moving yet, those stitches are fresh and I don’t think Talia would like to see her alpha hurt anymore” the little girls name, that I learned after giving birth, was talia and looking over to her I could see she was jumping up and down to see what Jacob looked like. She didn’t look so upset but I stay down anyway.
“Micah, can we switch” I say to him after I see that he’s having problems holding him, the right way. He nods then walks over to me,
“Here you go” he says after he kneels down, he takes Jacob and there’s an awkward moment where he doesn’t move, he just stares at alex, still kneeling beside me. Then his body goes rigid and looks at me with hell in his eyes.
“What plan Elizabeth?” he grits out and daddy walks over to take alex out of his hands. He holds him and then his body goes rigid again too, what on earth is happening!?
“I don’t know what your talking about” I say as I clutch Jacob closer to my stomach, it’s still as sore as tender flesh but I don’t care. The pain keeps me from crying out how they knew that.
“I forbid you to do that Elizabeth Greene, do you understand?” my father says scarily calm.
“One, I don’t know what your talking about” good keep playing coy “two, even if I did know you couldn’t forbid me from doing anything, it’s my life and these are my children”
“Your not sacrificing yourself to those arrogant pixies!” Micah practically yells, my anger flares. Not only did he tell me what to do but then he calls my race a pixie?! Does he have a freaking death wish?!
“I’ll sacrifice myself to the hell I want to in order to save the lives of the people I love and nothing, not you or daddy or hell even a natural disaster could keep me from doing that!!” I yell back at him, I feel Jacob tense but instead of crying I think I hear a growl. Good at least one of my kids are on my side.
“You’d better think again!” he yells, he picks me up in a blur and I hold onto Jacob with one hand and pund on his chest with the other.
“Let me down, you big bully!!” I say and I futily kick my feet. He ignores me and takes me into the den, he puts me in our compartment and as lightly as I let him he lets me down.
“You will not get up from this bed, there will be a bedpan and a guard ight outside the opening. If you so much as think about it again I have my ways of knowing” he says then turns his back. How did he know in the first place? Is the question that knaws at me and I realize my wolf has been really quiet.
“I haven’t done anything” she says sheepishly and she almost convincingly fools me, almost.
“What did you do nina!?” I’ve named my wolf, most people don’t but in order for me to yell at her I have to call her names other than expletives.
“I did nothing, I simply talked to the boys inner pup” her voice trails
“And you told him my secret!? What possessed you to do that?!” Jacob has been awfully quiet and I look down to see that his eyes are no longer open. I lay him down, back up, on the spot next to me. Once he’s settled I continue back to her,
“I didn’t think he would be able to tell anyone, like it was just mother and son that could do that!” she yells back getting annoyed,
“No! both parents can hear their childs thoughts,” I yell back at her
“Well I didn’t know” she says then she sighs happily “well now we can live”
“But what about my mother Nina? Am I supposed to let her die, giving her false hope everyday? I can’t do that Nina, not again” I tell her then I block her off. Few wolves can do this but I can. I don’t want to hear anymore of her excuses. I close my eyes and breath, in and out in and out. This becomes the lullaby that drifts me to sleep.
I awake to the sound of steel fingernails screeching on the chalky board that is my brain. I shoot up and look around for the culprit who’s messing with my mind. I look down to see a red faced Jacob who looks up at me with snot running down his nose.
“Okay umm, are you hungry?” I say as I prepare my breasts to be fed on but he does this weird choking noise that I take for a no.
“Umm do you have gas?” I pick him up and put him over my shoulder, I pat his back and that wafts up a smell that will forever be ingrained in my mind. I put him down carefully and look at him,
“You didn’t even eat anything yet!” I hiss in a teasing maaner at him. I unwrap his blanket that surrounds him and take a look, well Cora put a diaper on him so at least the sheet’s clean. I un latch the diaper and unroll it only to push it down in disgust. Eww that’s nasty. I look around and see baby materials next to my side of the bed, where is Micah anyway? I pick up wipes, a diaper and some powder. I take the diaper off of him and wrap it as tightly as I can without getting anything on me. I wipe him thoroughly making sure to get everything, I sprinkle some powder on him and then put on his diaper. He seems to have calmed down, but when I put the diaper in the bag and move to go back to sleep he starts scratching at the insides of my brain again. He must be hungry, I pick him up and let him feed. Its not at all as painful as I thought it would be, to me it’s actually quite soothing. I realize he’s stopped drinking after a while and before I put him down I pat him on the back. I heard this prevents throwing up, he burps a healthy burp that I smile at. I put him down and we look at each other for a while. His blue eyes deeply resembles his fathers and I find myself blushing in fornt of them. That is how he finds me, blushing at one of my sons while he holds the other one.
“I changed him, and believe me I did not have fun” he says grumpily. He lays a now sleeping Alex next to a slowly falling asleep Jacob. Together me and Micah watch as he goes to sleep. Then that’s when the questions start.
“How long have you been planning it?” he asks softly, I feel his gaze on me but I settle for softly rubbing Alex’s cheek. He’s gonna grow to be handsome, just like his father,
“The night after they took her, I read the note over and over trying to find a way” I shrug but keep my eyes locked on Alex’s face and my voice velvet soft.
“And I did, the only way” I end with a nearly inaudible whisper.
“I want them to have a life, a good one, and if it means I have to give up mine. So be it, my father and my mother deserve each other. They gave up their lives, everything they knew for me,” tears well up in my “I know it will hurt at first but you’ll teach them that sometimes the right thing hurts you. You have to teach them that Miach” I tell him. I still don’t look up afraid of what I’ll find instead I move to Jacobs face. He will look more like me and mom, he’ll remind Micah the most.
“When I’m gone please don’t take it out on them, they didn’t mean to be born” I say quietly,
“You’re not leaving, I don’t know what kind of sick plan you’ve devised, but your not leaving me” his voice is thick with emotion and I look up to see tears pooling in his eyes.
“Not when I just got you back , you are not leaving me” his voice get’s thicker and thicker until he sinks to the bed and puts his head in my lap. He knows nothing can change my mind, it’s just only a matter of when I’m leaving. I stroke his hair softly,
“You have to be strong for them, tell them about me every night” I kiss his forehead lightly through my own tears “And tell them all the stories I would tell the kids”.
“Please don’t leave me, we can have more children, we can always have more children,” he pleads
“But at what cost, the cost of the lives of these two angels? They never asked to be born into a world like this Micah” I scold him softly. His black hair has grown to his hair and I weave my fingers through it,
“Please don’t take it out on them, please love them and tell my mother I wanted this” I tell him. He whimpers and begs me not to leave him until he falls asleep restfully with his head in my lap and tears streaming down his face, and not long after I fall asleep too.
I awake to the sound of coo-ing and giggling and my eyes snap open and I see 3 pairs of eyes on mine. 2 blue and one green, the giggling gets louder and Micah chuckles.
“The pack has been trying to see them all morning but I told them to wait for you”
he said, I see in his eyes that our talk from last night is not finished. I send him a silent plea then I pick up Alex,
“Hey my sweet baby boy” he’s gotten heavier, but that’s expected. The shifter and the sprite blood mixed inside him kicks up his growing rate. He looks like a healthy 3 month old baby now, so does Jacob.
“It’s amazing to watch them grow like that, it’ll stop when they get 5” Micah says looking at my espression. I smile sadly, when they get 5, I’ll be long gone by then and I’ll just be a memory. I kiss his forehead, then Jacob’s then Micah’s. I’m gonna miss my boys,
“I feel better” I say as I try to stand. My legs aren’t cramped and down there is sore but I can move around, very slowly. He picks up Jacob and we head out, slowly. The pack is in clusters, moving around slowly keeping their eyes on our den. They stop and look at us, they take me in, then the babies then micah. Cathy walks up to us, smiling down brilliantly at Jacob who smiles back, without any teeth.
“Well isn’t he a handsome fellow” she says as she pinches his cheek. He giggles and grabs her hand and tries to put it in his mouth. She tugs her hand but he tugs harder,
“Oh and he’s a little strong” she says playfully and he giggles. It’s loud and it rumbles through his chest and flows over my arm. I smile down at him,
“Wanna hold him?” I ask her and her face lights up,
“Sure” she carefully takes him and cuddles him in her arm. He smiles and smiles, while his brother rants in some incomprehensible language. He reaches for me and I take him from Micah, purposely not looking into those sorrowful eyes that I know follow my every movement.
“Whats the matter, huh baby boy?” I ask crooning. He blinks at me and tugs at my hair,
“Hey,” I say slapping his hand away softly “stop that”, he giggles but doesn’t try it again. I smile, he’s going to be obedient, and trustworthy. Whereas his brother will probably be sneaky and cunning, just like his mother. I sigh and look up, into those sad eyes.
“Please stop thi” I whisper so only he can hear me
“You stop, you don’t have to do this. I’m sure they would want their mother to live just as you want them to” his eyes are starting to tear again but I see him mentally oush them back.
“Please don’t do this” eh whispers in a voice I can nearly hear. I look down to the blue eyes tha resemble his so much. I have to do this, no matter how much I hate it, I have to.
“Ok,” I nod slowly “I’ll stay, we’ll figure something out” I say softly to him. His eyes twinkle and he picks me up in his arms.
“The baby, the baby, the baby” I say quickly amd he loosens his hold on me.
“SHE’S STAYING!!!” he yells with a smile, the pack cheers. I smile at them. I give Alex back to Micah. I tell him I need a nap and he nods, smiling like crazy. I go back to our compartment and get ready. I cry while I do it, I write them a letter saying how it was needed to be done, that I love them more than anything and if all goes well my mother should be home before sun rise. I draw a picture , stick figures really, of me Micah Alex and Jacob. I draw a heart, a sun and some flowers, that’s the best I can do. I’ve never gone to school so I don’t know if this is right. On the back I write my wishes for them, for them to go to school , for them to know about me and never forget me. I end it with love mommy and xo’s. this is the best I can do. I hide the letter and decide to actually take a nap. I’m going to need all of my strength for the flight, and mentally. My dreams aren’t peaceful, but when I wake I’m surrounded by him. He makes the bad thoughts go away, even if only for a minute, that’s all I can ask for right now. I let myself breath in his scent, this is the last time I will be able to. I look down and see he has made a makeshift crib for them, 4 pieces of wood and an air mattress, that’s as good as it gets for now. I unwrap his arm from me slowly and stand. I look down at him, his black hair curtains over his eyes. His tan skin is relaxed under his white t-shirt. I kiss his cheek and wipe my tears from his face.
“Goobye babe” I whisper softly, my voice cracking. I walk to the air mattress and look down at them. Alex’s black hair is fuzzy and I have to hold my hands together to keep from smoothing it. Jacobs blond hair is finer and stays down , with only a few strands sticking out here and there.
“Goodbye my sweet baby boys, I hope you live the life I wanted for you” Alex’s eyes open and trap me. Their green reflects mine he blinks, slowly, then drifts off to sleep again. Jacob’s eyes open then, their blue exactly like his fathers almost makes me want to cry out. But I don’t instead I say,
“You were the first out, you’re the oldest. After your grandfather and your father the pack is yours,” my voice cracks and tears flow freely fomr my eyes. He doesn’t do anything, just stares at me “look after your brother, he’ll need you. Your father will need you too, please tell him it was for the best ok?” I nod, my vision blurry but I can hsee him nod. He frowns and I smile weakly,
“Never forget me Jacob,” are my final words and I turn. I walk past Micah, not able to take it anymore. I run outside the den and fly away before the sound of crying babies, howls and a mighty roar changes my mind.
It’s hard finding them but I do, I wish I had brought warmer clothing though. The council of flickenhammer is located in Greenland, which is not green at all. It’s freezing! I’m just glad my tears have already dried on my face. I walk to the castle like structure. It looks like mirrors, but I’m sure it’s ice, the ice holds a bluish color that matches the strikes in my hair. I walk to the door and prepare to knock but it opens on it’s own accord. I look around the door, but no one is there. Freaky. I walk deeper and deeper, getting all the more curious as to how exactly this stands. Surely it could fall at any moment.
“Ah,” a warm voice says “we’ve been expecting you”, I look to her and smile. She’s pretty.
“I’m sure you have,”
“Oh, where are my manners, let’s get you to the rest of the lot” she takes my hand and guides me through the cavernous halls.
“You are Elizabeth, right?, sprite of Helen?” I nod and she looks doubtfully at me but continues to walk down the winding halls. We stop at two blue frozen doors that open for us. In there I see 4 sprites sitting in blue frozen thrones that raise to the celing in intricate patterns. How they could sit on that is beyond me. There are 3 men and 1 female. They all look pretty normal to me, I can do this. I look to the left of the last male on the left and see mom kneeling there her face lit with joy and fear.
“Council, I have the sprite of Helen here for you” the nice lady courts me to the middle of the room, right under the stares of the council.
“Ah, hello Elizabeth” one council member says with an Italian accent.
“Where are the children?” the female asks with a french accent, I glare at her.
“They’re not here, I’ve come to bargain with you”,
“A bargain?” one of the other males ask with a german accent “what kind of bargain child”. I look to all of them now, but my gaxe lands on my mother, I look at her while I speak.
“You’ve wanted me since I was a child, but out of my mothers love she protected me, I want to do the same for my chikdren” I lift my chin up higher “I will give you myself, if you free my mother and leave my family alone, my children have no sprite in them, they will not carry the gene along” the looks on the council is wistful. The femal smiles and says something in French,
“Indeed, jenna” the German says.
“Consider it a deal” the French one says, he snaps his fingers and my mother raises. Her face has been streaken with tears and she runs to me,
“Baby you didn’t have to do this,” she says grabbing me in a hug “please don’t do this”.
“Mom it’s too late, it’s already done. Tell Micah I’m sorry, and love them 5times over for me ok?” I ask refusing to cry in front of them. She nods sadly, hugs me tightly one last time and runs out. I look to the council,
“I’m here”
“Indeed you are” a sprite says with an English accent. He walks toward me with death in his eyes as his fingers flex and he starts to chant something.
“Wait!!” I say quickly. They look at me, there’s one last question I wanted to ask,
“What happened to my grandmother and grandfather?” I ask looking at them. They don’t answer at first, but then again I didn’t expect them to, but the female answers,
“We disposed of them after we found out what they did to you” her face in sincere and her eyes sad “no one should do that to anyone, whether it be human, shifter or otherwise”. I smile through tears, I’m glad,
“Thank you” I look back to the sprite that will end my life “go ahead”. He chants and I see the blue mist form. Before it hits me I breath in “I love you Micah, Jacob and Alex. Please be safe” then the spell hits me.


They know about her, I’ve told them everything I can about her. To them she is the moon in their night. They dream about her, I dream about her. We found her note after her mother came back, 2 days after she sacrificed herself. The twins are now 18, they have found their mate and soon Jacob will take over the pack. I know she loved them and that’s why she did it. I did everything she asked, I told them all the stories she would have told the children. They have gone to school and they have never forgotten her. I wonder sometimes if she knew the would grow up as they did. If she knew Alex would be the wild child, the one with her eyes that almost bring tears to mine each time I see them. If she knew that Jacob would always be the calm spot in the storm. Sometimes I wish that we were never born, that she and her never met, sometimes I think that would fix everything. I’ve been sick, I’ve raised the kids as she wanted, I’ve buried her parents when their time came and I’ve lived the life she would have wanted for me. I wait everyday for the sweet release of death, just so I can rub her face again, kiss her sweet lips again and hold her in my arms. Maybe that will come soon. Maybe.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 22.04.2012

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