Ready for the Interview

My parents were simultaneously unconventional and conservative people.  My mom worked two to three jobs at the same time while my dad raised my sister and me.  One should not mark time on a calendar and it was reinforced to make something out of my life, by doing something worthwhile to the best of my ability.  These principles and examples drove me to have the life that I have with my wonderful wife, son, and extended family.  

 

Now that I am a dad, I can see all of my life experiences coming together.  Life is full of challenges, contradictions, and obstacles.  My personal challenge was not in achieving my goals, but in figuring out what was best for me.  During my times of crises it was apparent that will power, discipline, habits, and self-control were qualities that have made the difference.  

 

I take to heart the common phrase that history tends to repeat itself.  As this is a review of the development of my early life, the aspects that I learned as a youngster, especially my failures, take on new meanings.  It is like when you see a movie as a kid, then as a teenager, and later when you are more mature.  You notice different parts of the movie, the plot seems different, and you might identify with the characters from alternative points of view.  

 

 My dad was the most unique and talented person I ever knew.  I was lucky to meet a wide variety of people and I never met anyone who was more authentic than him.  My dad had his obstacles, such as his Greek temperament, and the fact that he was an orphan.  He was not able to overcome all of his personal barriers, but I think he did the best that he could. 

 

 As a teenager I was introduced to a professional football player, Mark Boyer, who is now retired.  Mark's brother, the man who introduced me, explained to me that in life, as in professional sports, talent alone does not make you successful.  Character is the key.  Character can be a difficult quality to describe.  To me a person with good character has the ability to deal with all of life's challenges without losing it, to handle pressure with poise without being beaten every time they are knocked down.  My dad was of excellent character, but unfortunately he was not able to recover from all of the trauma in his early life.

 

There is a line in one of Charles Bukowski's novels where he vowed that his books would be in the Los Angeles Public Library one day.  I love that idea.  A couple of years ago I started to write a book about interviewing.  I had my computer that I used for my already-completed masters degree program.  I was writing business articles on social media and I wrote other things just for myself.  I wrote everything for my enjoyment and for therapy.

 

After writing this book for a few weeks, I began to think about my family and my life in different ways.  I thought that I was writing a business book, but I was really writing about my life as it became defined by my path to parenthood.  It was more energizing to spend more time thinking about my life, and not so much about work.  As I wrote the bulk of the first draft of this book, my outlook became much more optimistic as compared to the beginning of the process.  Writing this book helped me to have a more positive attitude.

 

As I became more engaged in my personal history, the relationship between my past, present, future, family, career, and personal interests took on a deeper meaning.  This reflection settled more on personal issues than thoughts that were only focused on my career.  My fatherhood experience enabled me to more fully understand my childhood and the relationship that I had with my father.

 

My mom always said that I would write about stuff like this one day, but maybe not so much in the way that I wrote it.  In this book there is a recollection of lessons and critical incidents I remember as I grew up.  I am using this project to understand how I became the person that I am and to better understand who I will (or should) be.  Like many people, the goals that I had as a youngster continue to be the goals that I have now.  It took me some time to see that.  I believe that I have always been the same authentic person that my parents wanted me to be.

 

My parents' inclinations as artists were directly opposite of what my paid career ended up becoming.  Even though my parents wanted me to go in a creative direction, they enabled me to make my own decisions and encouraged my independence.  Almost as important as the ability to be self-sustaining, I was fortunate to be taught the principles of tenacity, citizenship, values, and giving back.

 

Ironically, my dad influenced my business career tremendously.  The reason I say use the word "ironically" is because my dad was one of the least materialistically motivated people I ever knew.  He was not a fan of the business world.  He was an artist.  He was a Brian Wilson sort of person.  He was almost too brilliant to cope with how the world worked.  

 

My dad simultaneously taught me all about business, particularly the restaurant business, deriding exploitation, and extolling the virtues of fairness.  He did not believe a price could be placed on your heart, your creativity, or your soul's purpose.  He did not think that art should be sold.  According to my dad, your life's purpose should like be a work of art, and that should not be for sale.  That was probably one of the reasons why my family struggled with money.

 

I recall reading John Wooden owning a similar concept that his dad taught him to make every day the best that it could be.  I can relate to what Coach Wooden was saying, but I think what he really meant was that one of his most important coaches was his dad.  My dad was my greatest motivator.  My dad was the first person to tell me to work smart, with my head, and not with my hands.  I am getting better at following this advice, but for some reason, I have been addicted to working hard.  This another one of those things that I tend to repeat.  It is like my dad told not to work too hard and his advice had the opposite effect.

  

My dad was adamant, especially when I was a teenager, in telling me how important it was to be responsible to my family.  When I was in trouble as a kid, he would tell me that I was "grounded."  That meant that whatever punishment I was given for my mistakes was to be grounded.  How I understand it now, what it taught me, was that being grounded was a reminder of my responsibilities in life.  

 

This was what is called a relatable punishment.  When I strayed off from the ground, or where I was supposed to be, the "punishment" was to be brought back to the right place.  I was also docked often.  He would tell me "oh you're going to be docked."  I guess that had something to do with shore leave?  Correct me if I am wrong.

 

Life is not static.  Things will not stay the same forever.  Life is a cycle.  Life is a process.  The aspect that never changes is the responsibility to my family, to my support network, and to give back.  It is important to reflect on the past, not to live in the past, to act in the now, and plan for the future.

 

As I wrote about my career in business, I understood more clearly how much my dad had to do with all of my knowledge and ideas.  I am surprised every day what I continue to learn about my dad even though he has been gone for several years.  I wrote most of this book on the weekends and during five in the morning on weekdays with my son sitting next to me while he played with his trains as he began preschool.  He is my little battery of brain energy and my inspiration.

 

 

 

Culture

When I was four I was aware that my mom was gone working to support our family.  I used to dress up in a little suit and I would wait on the curb with a little brief case for my mom to come home.  We lived in a little house on Sixteenth and Palm streets in Huntington Beach, California across the street from Dwyer Middle School.  From that little house you only needed to walk five or six blocks to get to the beach.  I think that house was less than one thousand square feet.

 

I was fortunate to have both of my parents in my life for the entirety of my childhood.  They gave me so many gifts in life that benefitted the quality of my experience.  I learned to be independent early into my childhood.  I understood responsibility and integrity from my dad.  Working hard is a trait that formed early in my life.  My dad advised me that if I wanted something I had to work for it.  I learned that I was not going to be given many things in my life unless I earned them.  I was not only told that I would need to work for what I had, it was a fact.  I had nothing unless I worked.

 

I remember a lot of hand-me-downs.  This was also the case for my younger sister.  I did not have a problem with things.  I was not materialistically spoiled.  Not in the least.  I never thought that I had enough things or not enough things.  I did not want a lot of things.  I was told to use my imagination and go outside.  I played in the dirt.  Pretending and playing was more important than things.  I somehow grew up without a computer or video games.  How did I survive?

 

The best gift that I was given by my parents was autonomy.  They did not fly overhead like helicopters.  I was able to achieve the goals in my life because of this attribute.  I was not afraid in life and I tried to face challenges bravely.  I do continue to feel paranoia about things that are not under my control, but I am not afraid of things.  I figured out in my process of self-understanding that I needed help to be successful.  Despite this, I required a support network and I had one whether I wanted one or not.  No one should be acting alone, but at the same time, we need to be in control for the responsibility of ourselves. 

 

In the late 1970s and early 1980s a family could arguably be supported on one average salary.  While Dad raised the kids, Mom supported us on her earnings.  My mom was a school teacher and my dad was a musician.  The era of supporting a family on one income was altered in that period for many families, and my family was one of them.  The economic problems in the late 1970s and early 1980s made living on one salary difficult due to the economic issues of the day such as inflation.  While the real estate market boomed, my parents were having difficulty keeping up with their mortgage.

 

Mom supplemented our family income by teaching private music lessons.  Most nights during the week, she would come home at seven, eight, or nine at night until she retired.  My older sister liked to say at the time that our family was good at faking "middle class."  I am amazed that we were able to maintain the life that we had when I was a kid growing up in Orange County during the 1980s.

 

We were told to "go outside and play."  You know, "get out of here, and go do something.  Use your imagination."  As a parent now, I find it difficult to understand how parents could be comfortable with their kids playing in the neighborhood, unsupervised.  This was a different time.  It seemed like life was much less dangerous than it is now.  

 

When I visit my hometown of Huntington Beach, with the exception of Main Street, I can see why we were told to play in the neighborhood.  When you cross the street, cars stop.  Drivers smile at you as you walk from corner to corner.  People are not trying to be first.  It is a hospitable community. 

 

The reason why my parents struggled with money was in part attributable to the decision that my parents made to pay more to live in a safe area.   While they could not afford everything that I would want to give my son, I know that I was given what I needed.  I was safe, provided for, given a healthy environment to develop in, and I learned to be industrious.

 

I loved living in Huntington Beach and Orange County.  I never wanted to leave but I knew I had to if I wanted a prosperous future.  While it was a struggle to live in a moderately expensive community, it was the wish of my parents for my sister and me to live in a safe community.  Also, they wanted us to attend good schools.  I am grateful for that decision.  I attended excellent schools which provided me with opportunities that other people did not have.

 

I took advantage of my opportunities, just not full advantage.  I could have studied harder, not skipped classes, or spent more time being a better athlete.  One thing I still have a weakness for is television.  I watch too much television now and I watched too much then.  I quit wrestling when I was a sophomore.  I quit track and field after my third year in high school.  I have regrets that I did not fully make the most out of myself.

 

I was interested in working as early as I could.  The older I became, the more that everything became a second priority to working.  My trait of having an independent spirit was the main reason I wanted to work.  When I was in the fourth grade, I created an imaginary pencil selling company.  I have a resume as a kid starting in the second grade up to the first time I was paid on a real payroll.  This resume includes: cardboard & newspaper recycler starting in the second grade, pencil sales entrepreneurship, Christmas tree sales in the Boy Scouts, cotton candy maker, lawn mower, and so on.

 

People say that they do not want their kids to work.  They want their kids to enjoy their childhood.  They should.  You have your whole life to work and all of that.  Counterpoint is that an important goal that parents would have for their kids is that their kids learn to be independent and self-supporting.  When should this start?  In my opinion, when a kid is able to learn the value of a work ethic, this can be one of the best thing a kid can learn.  Give the kid a set of chores.  A person's life depends on a capacity to work, to a significant extent.  Even if a person does not pursue a traditional career, a strong work ethic is an important element in a home life.  What we all need to learn is how to balance everything.

 

When I earned my first paycheck, I enjoyed a euphoric feeling of independence, especially when I was a teenager.   I would rather apologize for making a mistake rather than asking for permission everything.  I do not like to micro-manage people and I do not want to be micro-managed.  Learning to earn my own money early on in life gave me this feeling of independence, and in a way, bravery in life.  I want to make my own mistakes and have my own successes.

 

My dad always lectured me to do something.  I remember walking in the door the led directly into the living room, and my dad would shout: "Do something!"  I knew early that if you make your own money, when you want something, you do not need to ask for permission.  I grasped that even though I was able to make my own decisions when I made my own money, I also felt that I needed to be responsible and give back to my parents when they needed the help.

 

There are things that I do not like but I must do them.  I am still working on taking pride in doing certain chores.  I hate taking out the trash, doing the dishes, and folding laundry.  I do them with the minimal amount of pride.  Dad was there for me whether I wanted him there or not.  In my opinion, this is what made him an awesome parent.  It has been several years since his passing, but I feel that he is with me always.  As I become older, my son outgrows his shoes every other week, and I feel like my dad is there.  On reflection, I can say that my parents created this culture to help me become the person that I am now.

 

 

Thomas Circle

If I was at a friend's house or out riding my bike, my dad would come looking for me if I was out too late.  We knew we had to go home when the street lights in the neighborhood turned on.  The question my parents asked me, particularly when I was young enough to understand the question was: "if everyone decided to jump off a cliff, would you follow?"  

 

I got it.  I knew what they were saying.  My parents were telling me that I should think about being a leader.  Do not be a follower.  I was directly told to be my own person, to be authentic.  Leadership can be a lonely position.  As a leader, you are in front, the vanguard, the one taking all of the shots.  As I grew up with my sister I was the older brother.  I was obligated with the responsibility of looking out for people.  That is leadership.

 

Growing up on Thomas Circle Street gave me a valuable education.  Thomas Circle was my leadership school.  A person's motivation may come from a person's experience, education, values, ethics, and other knowledge.  My parents taught me not to follow the crowd, and instead, to be a leader.   When I was a kid, I was in control of my destiny.

 

I was impressed with the leadership skills that my dad used to direct the orchestras that he organized.  The members of my dad's orchestras looked up to him as their leader, teacher, and mentor.  Though my dad did not work in the traditional sense, he was at home to raise my sister and me.  There is sexism in the world, to say the least, and things are better these days than they used to be.

 

During the time that I was a kid in the 1980s, it was looked down on for the dad to be at home and the mom to be supporting the family.  I wish that we had a more fluid economic situation, but in terms of family stability, I never wondered whom my mom or dad was, or where they were.  They did what they were supposed to do, in roles that were not as traditional as other people.

 

I gained the values of accountability and a love of cooking from my dad.  By virtue of dad being home all the time, it was very hard to get away with anything.  Not that I did not try.  Whatever trouble I was in was found out quickly and dealt with.  Also, because my dad was home all of the time, he always had something for us to eat.  I think the first time he ever told me he was proud of me was when I decided to make beef stroganoff from scratch when I was fourteen years old.  Even when we had nothing to eat, he would find a way to make something to eat, and it tasted good.  One way to keep your kids around your home is to feed them.  If you do not feed your kids, they will find somewhere to eat or to be.

 

While my dad was "there," he taught me to take care of myself and to be self-reliant.  He gave me the skills that I needed to live my life.  I recall one day when I was eight or nine asking my dad for breakfast.  He told me that he already showed me how to make eggs several times and that I was capable of doing that on my own.  I made my own breakfast that day and I have been making it ever since.  This did not mean that he stopped doing things for me.  He just wanted to make sure that I could do things on my own so I could take care of myself.

 

My dad's expectation was that I should have an appropriate level of responsibility and he would guide me through the difficulties or poor choices that might happen along the way.  I understood that life was the greatest teacher, and it was up to me to stay engaged in doing the right thing.  My dad's greatest achievement was that he was my dad and he was there to raise me for my entire childhood.  Even though my dad did not have a typical nine to five job, his most important occupation was "being there."

 

Starting around the time I had to repeat kindergarten, we lived on Thomas Circle in a southern-California suburban neighborhood.  There were several homes on our street with kids about the same age as my sister and I.  There were several homes on our street in which there were babysitting services.  There were a couple of foster homes.  One was next door.  Another was around the corner.  I am not sure how I knew that the homes were foster homes, or what that meant, but at the time, I saw the foster kids as being lucky.  The foster kids had more toys that I had.  There were always kids our age to play with.

 

When you have something valuable, it is normal to lose appreciation for it.  Since we moved away from Thomas Circle when I was junior high school, I have been trying to find a way to go back to that lifestyle.  When we lived on Thomas Circle, we had a generously sized home with a large front yard and a large backyard with a pool.  I am astounded that my family was able to live there, given our income.  Now that I know how expensive it can be to live in a neighborhood and a home like that, I am more impressed even now.  For everything that my family struggled with economically, it was worth it.

 

My sister and I were lucky because there were many children we could play with in a very pleasant neighborhood.  While other parents were working, my dad was home, watching all of us.  I am grateful for that now though I did not like it so much as a kid when I was getting myself into trouble.

 

While other parents were at work and the neighborhood kids were playing, they ended up in our front yard, my dad watching from the kitchen window.  He was making food for us from whatever we had in our pantry.  We were big eaters, and a bag of groceries did not last very long in our house.  We did not have enough food and we waited all day for Mom to come home with more groceries.  When Mom brought home a half-gallon of ice cream, at one point we resorted to cutting the ice cream box in four quarters with a big kitchen knife.  Mom, Sis, Dad, and I each received one-quarter of the ice cream container.

 

Dad made food for all of the kids in the neighborhood though our family did not always have enough money to pay our bills.  He made whatever we had for the kids that played at our house be it hamburger, spaghetti, rice, beans, and so on.  Some things he made I thought were really weird.  I learned as a food manager that you have to go to culinary school to learn to cook that way, especially his Greek-style spaghetti with meat sauce.

 

We laughed all the time

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Bildmaterialien: All images are from the Public Domain unless otherwise noted.
Lektorat: Constantine Maureas
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.10.2016
ISBN: 978-3-7396-8088-0

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Widmung:
I have proudly worked in the food business in southern California since the age of 14. I earned my undergraduate degree from UCLA and completed a masters degree program in Human Resources. My resume includes F&B operations, writing, diverse educational experiences, internships, administration, and volunteering. I have been in customer service for about 30 years.