Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was forced into this. No choice, no options. Just force. She insisted it was a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’. For her, yeah. But for me this was hell. We’d only been in the car for an hour, just 20 more minutes until we got there and I’d already gone mad.
“I still can’t believe they’re coming here! To Florida!”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Mom could be so annoying, “That’s about the fifteenth time you’ve said that in the past half hour.” I turned my gaze out the window, watching the buildings and pedestrians and trees drift by me like blurs of color, melting into one grand illusion I’d never understand.
“Oooh, I know, but I’m so excited!”
“Really? I couldn’t tell.” I prayed she wouldn’t be like this the whole night.
She shot me a dark look and playfully hit my shoulder, “Lighten up, Axel. At least you get the day off school. A day away from all your stupid little enemies and ex’s. I know you complain about them all the time.”
“But a day with all that is worth it to see Louis. And thanks to you and your crazy little obsessions, I can’t.” I watched a middle-aged couple start yelling at each other inside the bar across the street. I couldn’t hear them, but I could pick out a couple words from their lips. The man pointed at one of the older, dirty men in the corner, who chuckled and muttered something then turned back to the wall.
Mom sighed heavily, “Please, Axel. It’s just for one night. I never get to spend any time with you anymore anyways. You’re always with Louis!”
The man finally shut up and stomped away, leaving the woman alone, crying. I felt a little sorry for her, but not as sorry as I felt for myself.
The light turned green and the phone buzzed from Mom’s leather purse on the floor. I rummaged through it until I found the stupid cellphone, flipped it open and answered it without even looking at the caller ID.
“What?”
“That’s no way to answer a phone, Axel. Is Jenny there?”
“She’s driving.” I muttered. Mom held out her palm and I reluctantly handed the phone to her.
“Yes? … well, of-“
I popped my headphones in my ear, blasting Extremity to try and tune out her blabbering. I dreaded what I was being forced to sit through tonight. She was dragging me to a concert by a band called Contagious. She wanted to spend ‘quality time’ with me but really she just wanted me to come along because Contagious is her favorite band and she doesn’t want to feel stupid standing with a bunch of young people at a rock concert. And Contagious wasn’t really that good. They were horrible, actually. If it had been an Extremity concert, I would’ve killed to go. But no, of course not. The only concert I’ll ever get to go to is Contagious. Ughh. My life.

“Axel.”
I muttered something incomprehensible even to myself.
“Axel, wake up, we’re here!”
I slowly opened my eyes. We were parked behind what felt and looked like a motel. Two story. White walls, deep sea blue doors. The railings were a pale blue, the stairs cement. The sky was completely dark, nightfall had already taken over. There were people everywhere. Some chubby man with glasses ( who was bald other than two small patches of brown hair on either side of his head – looked retarded as hell ) was walking around selling solid black T-Shirts for $20 that had CONTAGIOUS printed in white across them, with the new album picture. That stupid rotting zombie. Anybody could’ve come up with that cover.
And of course, the chubby man caught me staring and walked up to me, “Would you like to buy a shirt? 20 bucks out here, 60 on the inside. It’s a great deal!”
“No tha-“
“Yes, please!” Mom squealed like a little kid winning something at the fair, digging around her purse for money.
The man grinned a little at me and I glared back at him darkly. Mom handed him the twenty dollar bill and he handed her a shirt without even asking her shirt size. Mom shrieked and he laughed, heading off to what he hoped would be his next customer.
“Do you want one, Axel?” Mom asked, her voice muffled by the shirt she was trying to squease her head into. Once she had it on, it was obviously way too tight and appeared to be suffocating her boobs. Just looking at it made me uncomfortable and nauseous.
“No.” I said, making a disgusted face.
Mom shrugged, “Ah well, if you change your mind, tell me. Let’s go.”

The line went all the way around to the back of the building, and it took an hour just to collect people’s tickets, check their bags and finally let us inside. With the cool air conditioning. I hadn’t realized how hot it’d been outside until I stepped in.
Once inside, we had to pass through another set of double doors leading back outside. There was the stage, a mini bar and a pool. It was all surrounded by the motel rooms. Same as the ones I’d seen outside. I wondered if anybody was staying in any of those rooms tonight. They would NOT be happy with all the noise. A live rock band playing right outside their door at 12 o’clock at night.
I could just imagine my grandparents having a freaking heart attack if that had happened to them. I laughed a little to myself and took a seat on the edge of the pool. This was going to be a long night. First we had to sit through two bands I’d never even heard of for half an hour each before Contagious even got on. Then we had to sit through 3 hours of them. Ugh.
And, of course, Mom just had to be right up front, against the freaking railing. Everything was fine until a man with long black hair and black eyes walked on stage, and literally everybody except me had a fucking panic attack and transformed into hungry, man-eating monsters. I was being crushed up against the little railing put up to keep us back from the stage. I couldn’t breathe. I looked over. Even my Mom had transformed into a lunatic. Shouting, jumping and screaming, “NIIIICK!”
The more time passed, the harder I was being slammed against the metal railing. Somebody stepped on my foot and a searing pain shot up through my leg. I think I just got my freaking toe broken. Great. Fucking great.
Never again would I go to a concert. Unless of course, it was an Extremity concert. But it was very unlikely for them to come here. Nothing good ever happens to me. But the thought of seeing them live… now I understood why Mom was eager to come here. Even though Contagious sucks. But Rickie… from Extremity… gosh he was everything Louis was times 10.
How could I think like this? I felt guilty for thinking such things. I felt like I was betraying Louis.
But it was true… about Rickie… Louis or not.
I slapped myself in the face and shook my head. I kept checking my watch, after each song when the crowd calmed down a little for a couple minutes before raging again.

11:35. Good God, it’d be over soon. They’d come on at 8. They’d have to finish soon, right?
By now, it was extremely difficult to take a single breath. The air was full with the scent of cigarettes, pot and alcohol. Disgusting. I wanted to throw up and get the hell out of here.
Just then, the singer, who I’d figured was Nick, strolled over to our side of the stage to sing. Everybody around me went frantic, reaching for him. He knelt down, intertwining his fingers with a couple different girls for a few seconds each. I was the only one who wasn’t either screaming nor reaching out for him.
I was trying to sink under them, to hide as much as I could, but somehow this caught his attention and he winked at me. Right at me. I glared at him in utter disgust and he chuckled a little before ambling back to the other end of the stage. I sighed in relief.
“Oh. My. God! Axel, did you see that?” Mom shrieked.
I sighed, “Yes, Mom. I’m getting sick, I’m going to go use the restroom. I’ll wait for you in the car.”
“Alright sweetie, I’ll be there in a few. I believe this is the last song.”
I nodded and turned, pushing my way through the wall of wild animals. It took 5 minutes just to get through the crowd back to the main building.
I asked the woman at the service desk with the thick red hair where the bathroom was, and she pointed down the hall, without a word.
I thanked her and followed where she had pointed. You had to go all the way down the hallway, turn right, and then the bathroom was halfway down that hallway. Why couldn’t there be a bathroom near the front? Probably was and the lady just didn’t like me.
Nonetheless, I quickly got my business done and took a nice long drink from the water fountain next to the restrooms.
That’s when they came strutting down the hallway, chattering away about the concert.
“That was epic, but not as good as the one we did in Georgia, though.”
“That’s cause you suck, Ben!”
“Oh, shut up! At least I’m better than you, Tanner!”
“Boys, knock it off! Nobody’s – Well, look who it is.”

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I turned to stare at the four men heading right past me, except for the man with long hair. One of the other men had short brown hair, and another had long brown hair. The last one had dark dreads. When they realized their singer had frozen, they turned to stare at me and Nick.
“What?” I snapped, taking a step back. I had a bad feeling about this. Me against four grown men. Not good.
Nick chuckled, “I saw you there, in the audience.”
I thought about how he’d seen me and winked. Disgusting. I shivered.
“Yeah, so? Who cares?”
He took a step towards me, “Why are you here, if you don’t want to be? You’re the only one in the crowd not doing anything. The only one who didn’t want to be here. Why?”
“Because I really don’t want to be here. My Mom drug me here against my will. Now please, get away from me.”
I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. A bit of anger built up within me, “Don’t fucking touch me, you dirty little bastard!”
“Hey! Don’t talk to him like that, little girl, or we’re going to have a problem here.” The man with the dreads said, crossing his arms. He was somewhat built, I noticed. Could have me down in an instant.
I rolled my eyes, “I’m not a little girl. I’m fucking 17. So shut the fuck up and let me through.”
The man with the short brown hair stepped forward, clenching his fists. He was skinny and not-so built, but I still had no chance against him in a fight.
“Stones, calm down. Don’t you touch her.”
Was he actually sticking up for me? Protecting me? Or did he just want to beat me down himself? I always hated men like these guys. Typical rock stars.
“You’re just going to let her disrespect us like that? You always were a pussy, Nicholas.”
“Ugh! This is why I hate you stupid rock stars. You’re all crack-heads, alcoholics and down-right assholes. Now I got to get back to my mom.”
“Tanner, Ben. This girl needs a little lesson in manners and respect.”
“Oh, Stones, don’t do this.” Nick sighed
Stones stepped forward and swung a punch at me, but Nick stepped in the way and took it instead.
“Get out of the way, Nick!” Stones easily shoved him aside and the other two joined him in beating me to the ground, kicking me in the ribs and stomach. I tried to curl up in a tight, protective ball, knowing that fighting back wouldn’t help me, but the blows still hurt like hell. Nick’s weak attempts at yelling at them or pulling them away did absolutely nothing.
It lasted maybe 10 minutes or so before Nick was finally able to pull them off me, cussing them out, “Look what you’ve done, you fucking idiots!”
I tried to get on my feet, but my knees gave out and I collapsed. I had one black eye, a sprained muscle in my ribs, my lip was torn and bleeding and my body was covered in bruises and cuts. Stones and those other two men stood back, arms crossed.
“We taught her a lesson, Nick. We don’t let people disrespect us.”
“A lesson? Disrespect you? That doesn’t matter, Stones! You don’t go around beating the shit outta 15 year old girls! We’ll lose our career for this!” Nick exploded, picking me up and carrying me bridal style.
“What the hell are you doing, Nick? Leave her here, than nobody will know it was us!”
“I can’t just leave her here, Stones! I have to help her. Now let’s go. All of you!”
My vision turned black like someone had draped a blanket over me. My head was throbbing. My whole body was sore, my arms and legs stinging.

“Tanner, Ben, this girl needs a little lesson in manners and respect.”
Stones grinned, cracking his knuckles. Nick just stood aside in the shadows, watching everything. The last two men charged towards me. I braced myself and readied to fight back, until Stones was suddenly thrown to the floor and the two men were pulled down backwards.
Louis punched the two a few times before turning back to Stones, kicking him in the ribs and face. They barely even put up a fight. They were weak.
Finally, Louis turned and ran for me, wrapping his arms tight around my waist. He kissed me a couple times and squeezed me, “You alright?”
“Yeah… thanks Louis… I love you…”
His deep, green eyes held me in a trance. They always fascinated me. That’s the one thing I fell in love with first of Louis. His eyes. I ran my fingers through his short, black hair. It was so soft. I always wondered how he got his hair to be so soft. Mine was also black, but shoulder length and I could never get it to be as soft as Louis’s.
“I love you too.”

But as soon as he’d come, he disappeared, leaving me in the dark hallway alone. Nick watched me from across the hall, his stare cold and unnerving. It felt like he was digging through my soul, my deepest secrets. It felt like he knew everything.
“Axel.” He said, his voice piercing the silence.
I took a step back, pressing myself against the wall. My hands shook. I wanted to leave. To run. Find Mom and just get as far away from this man as possible. I didn’t like the way he was watching me.
Or the way he was suddenly in front of me after I closed my eyes for a split second.
“Please… what do you want…”
He reached up, wiping the hair from my eyes. He said nothing. I tried to slip away, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. He ran his index finger over my cheek, barely brushing my skin.

The first thing I saw when I awoke was those black eyes. He was right beside me. I was on… some kind of bed. I looked around. I was in a hotel room. 2 queen-sized beds. A T.V., a little dining area with a kitchen, counters, a table and three chairs. The walls were a light peach color, the doors a light brown. All the furniture was black.
“How do you feel?” Nick asked, not having moving an inch in the time I’d spent looking around.
“Uh… sore.”
I stood. Walked over to the bathroom. Checked myself out in the mirror. There was a cut on my lower lip. My right eye was black and swollen. Bloodshot. I checked my arms. Several bruises. One deep scar ran across my left arm, left to right on the bottom. There were 7 stitches in it. I sighed.
“You’ll be fine. I’m so sorry about how last night went down. The boys can be a bit… touchy. They all have major anger issues.” He slipped in behind me. He was about 3 inches taller than me. Now that I was I close this was the first time I actually really took a good look at him.
His black hair was just as long as mine, only his was shiny and mine was frizzy. He had the tinniest bit of eye shadow and eye liner on. Not too much to make it look gay or freaky, but just enough to make it look natural and smooth.
His skin was so smooth. Pale. He was skinny. Not anorexic, just skinny.
“Whatever. Where are we? I need to get back to my mom.”
He frowned a little, biting his lip. I raised an eyebrow at him.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible.”
“What? Why!”
“I can’t let you leave. You’ll tell everybody everything. This band will be ruined. Our futures and lives will be erased, just like that.” He turned on a dime and disappeared into the other room. I followed. He stood in front of the sliding glass doors leading to the porch overlooking the beach, plus the bar and pool below. So we were upstairs. At some hotel or resort on the beach.
“So… you’re kidnapping me?”
“Well if you want to put it that way, yes.”
“Are you out of your mind?” I could feel the anger pulsing through my veins, fueling my hatred towards rock stars, “You think because you’re a rock star and you got all the money that you can get and do whatever the hell you want! I’m so sick of people like you!”
He turned around, his brows furrowed. His black eyes made the look that much angrier, so much darker, “That’s not what I think at all. But I won’t let my life be wasted away and ruined because some girl got on our bad side and got her ass kicked, which I honestly think she deserved. I went out of my way to help you, so now you owe me anyways.”
I laughed, “You guys beat me up, almost killed me and you think I owe you? Fuck this. I’m gone.”
I turned for the door, and Nick didn’t make any move to stop. Instead he stood there, watching me, arms crossed. It wasn’t until I got to the door and began to turn its rusted knob when Nick said, “Even if I let you leave now, you have nowhere to go. We’re not in Tampa anymore.”
I slowly turned back to him, “What? Where are we? How long was I out?”
He chuckled darkly and said, “Jacksonville. You’ve been out for almost 15 hours.”
A wave of loneliness and fear sunk into me. Being alone with a stranger. A stranger who could easily overpower me, rape me or kill me if he wanted to. I wanted to be home. With my annoying mom and chatting with Louis through Facebook.
“…Can’t I just call my mom and have her pick me up?”
He stepped closer to me, looking down on me, “You won’t tell anyone of our location. You’re already on the missing persons list and if they find out we have you, we’re done.”
“So I’ll make up something.”
“I can’t and won’t let you leave. End of discussion.”
I walked back over to him and slapped him as hard as I could. It was like slapping a brick wall. He wasn’t fazed any.
“This isn’t right! Let me go home!”
“If I could, I would.” He muttered before turning on his heel and sliding open the glass door leading to the porch. I noticed a little dent on its frame, right under the handle and wondered where it could be from. Nick slipped onto the porch and slammed it shut.
I crept back into the bathroom, shut the door, locked it and broke down. I covered my watering eyes and slid down to the floor, back against the door. I couldn’t control myself. Couldn’t stop the tears and the pain in my heart.
Suddenly I wouldn’t mind hanging out with my annoying mom. In fact, I missed it. I just wanted to be with something or something familiar. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up into a tight ball.
But now I was stuck here. Kidnapped by my mom’s favorite rock star in the world. I bet this had always been her dream or fantasy, but it was my hell.
It’s crazy how everything can be changed so much in a single second.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Everything was bright and fuzzy. I had to blink several times and rub my eyes before I could even open them. I rolled over to look at my little digital clock on the table beside the bed. Wait… where was it?
I sighed and sat upright, “Mom…”
Someone chuckled. A man.
I flinched and my gaze snapped towards Nick sitting on the same chair he was sitting in yesterday while I slept. Did he watch me sleep? What a creep.
My heart fell a little. I thought It’d been a dream and I’d wake up in my room at home, exhausted from the concert but no. Of course not. I was still stuck here in this damned room with this stupid creepy man.
“Good morning.”
I glared at him, “What’s so good about it?”
He shook his head, “Cheer up. I want you to meet the boys. Properly. Don’t be rude or bitchy to them like last time, I can’t guarantee they won’t beat you down again.”
I rolled my eyes, sliding off the bed, “Whatever.”
He stood and led me out the door, down a long hallway with a red carpet, the same peach walls from the room, a plastic plant in the corner and a small painted copy of the Mona Lisa at the end of the hall. Nick led me to the elevator and we rode it down to the first floor.
The lobby was roomy, with one flat-screen T.V. mounted to the wall, that same red carpet from before, two velvet couches and a small amber brown coffee table. There were two vending machines and a water fountain next to the elevator. There was also a large breakfast room across from the front desk, with a small fridge and counter filled with cereal, scrambled eggs, pancakes, sausage and fruit.
There were only two other people in the lobby, besides Nick and me. The lady working the front desk, who appeared to be in her 40’s. She had short, thick blonde hair, pale skin and a worn smile. Then there was an old man in the breakfast room, sipping on a paper cup full of coffee, with short gray hair and gray eyes full of stories and secrets. He glanced up at me as we passed, smiling and waving slowly. I gave him a little smile in return, still following Nick out the sliding glass doors leading outside to the parking lot.
He pulled me over to a black corvette parked in the second row of the parking lot. He opened the passenger door for me before slipping himself into the drivers’ seat. The car smelled musky and… dirty. There was a bunch of crinkled papers, gum wrappers and an empty McDonalds cup on the floor. You’d think people who could afford cars like this would at least keep it clean. Even my pig of a mom kept her jeep cleaner than this.
“So where exactly are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
I sighed and laid my head against the window. I let my mind wander back to the concert. Back home. Back with Louis laying on his bed staring at each other.
“What is your name, might I ask?”
“Axel.” I closed my eyes.
“That’s cool. You already know me, I’m guessing?”
Unfortunately. I nodded. Then I remembered my mp3 player. I felt my pocket. Yep, it was still there. Thank God. I quickly pulled it out of my pocket, holding the power button until the screen lit up. Full charge.
I went to the pictures folder. There were only 5 pictures in there. One of me and my mom at the fair two years ago. One of both my mom and dad, back when they were first dating. Wow, that was about 25 years ago. Two of the remaining pictures were of Louis. First one was his yearbook picture. He always hated that one but I adored it. The other one was one I took of him at the park.
The last picture was my favorite. Louis and I’s first date. We’d gone to AMC and seen Paranormal Activity. I’d taken the picture outside when the movie finished. I looked so sleepy and Louis had his hand around my waist, kissing my cheek.
“That your boyfriend?”
My gaze snapped to Nick, watching me from the corner of his eye. I sighed and held the power button down until the picture faded to black and slipped the mp3 player back into my pocket. He needed to mind his own damn business.
“Looks a lot like me only younger.”
“You two are nothing alike.” I snapped.
The only thing similar about these two was their long black hair. Everything else was opposite. Nick was an asshole. Louis wasn’t. Nick was a jerk. Louis wasn’t. Louis is sexy, Nick is not. I love Louis. And I detest Nick.
“Whatever you say. Here we are.”
We pulled into the parking lot of another, bigger hotel. From the looks of it, it had to be at least 10 stories tall. A couple of men in black suits stood outside, probably for valet parking. We pulled up to them, where Nick got out and opened my door for me. I hesitated before stepping out, feeling insecure about my ripped jeans, tank top and converse against this huge, fancy hotel.
Nick paid one of the men in a suit and he nodded, grabbing the keys, hopping into the car and driving off.
“How can you just hand over your car keys to a total stranger like that?” I snapped.
Nick laughed and headed into the lobby of the grand hotel, expecting me to follow, which I did.
“He could steal your car!” I continued.
“Contagious?” Nick said to the man working the front desk.
He turned to the computer. Clicked something. Clicked something else, “Room 417. Elevator down the hall and to the right.” His voice was monotone. Boring. Like the lady on the GPS.
I followed Nick to the elevator, which we took up to the fourth floor. Eggshell white walls. Blue carpet. A painting of bamboo on each end of the hallway stretched out before us. We took a left then went on until we found room 417 on the right. There was music blasting from inside. Heavy metal.
Nick knocked 3 times. Powerfully and loudly. There was shuffling inside before the music suddenly shut off. A moment later the door opened and we scooted inside.
White walls. One black couch and two black recliner chairs next to it. Small T.V. across from all three. A small dining area consisting of a stove, a fridge and a marble counter with a sink. One caramel door led to the bedroom, consisting of another T.V., a wooden desk, a bedside table and two queen-sized beds.
Nick sat me in one of the recliner chairs while he took the other one. The same three men from the other night sat on the couch between us and I could feel my hands already start to shake. I looked around awkwardly. There was a little chip in the paint in the wall above the sink. Cigarette butt on the floor, underneath Nick’s feet. They weren’t allowed to smoke in here!
“Nick! You brought her here? With us?” The man with short brown hair said, glaring at Nick.
“You said you were going to take her back!”
“Shut up, you two! There’s been a slight change of plan. She’s going to be staying with us.”
“Permanently?” He shouted, his eyes wide with disbelief. Why would four 20-year old men in a band want to be stuck with a 17 year old girl?
“No! Just until I can find a way to bring her back without anybody knowing it was us.”
“Like taking her from the concert wasn’t obvious enough.” The man who had been quiet the whole time, the man with the dreads, pointed out, rolling his eyes. But it was true. Somebody had to know. Had to realize.
“She’s staying with us. End of discussion. And now you all should get to know each other better.”
The man with short brown hair coughed to hide his smirk.
Nick turned to him first, “Axel, this is Stones. He’s the drummer.”
He had dark, forest green eyes and a square-ish face. He was wearing a white tank top and baggy black jeans. All he did was nod.
Nick turned to the man with the long brown hair and brown eyes, “This is Ben. Bass guitarist.”
He said, “Hey.” And flicked his head upwards a little. He was wearing a black, long sleeve shirt and gray jeans a size too big for him.
“Hey.” I said in return, copying his gesture.
Nick chuckled and turned to the last man, the one with the dreads, “This is Tanner. Lead guitarist.”
He did nothing. Just looked at me with a blank and bored expression. He was built. Had dark brown eyes that dug into your soul and stole your inter-most secrets to use against you. Or so it felt. I hated people with eyes like that. Those that looked deeper than what’s on the outside. Down into what shouldn’t be found.

After about an hour of Nick trying desperately to get everyone to talk to me… to start a full-length conversation that lasted more than 3 sentences… and failing at it… he took me back to the hotel from before. Of course, it took him a while to find his corvette, parked right smack in the back of the parking lot. Then he realized he didn’t have his keys, cursed under his breath and we had to go back and find our valet.
It was quite entertaining to me, actually. The whole process took a good half an hour.
Once back in our… or his… hotel room, I took the recliner overlooking the beach through the glass door. I watched the waves crash onto the shore, then recede with the tide. I watched the children run and laugh and scream and kneel down every so often when they found a cool looking shell.
It brought back memories of me and Louis. Our third date had been at the beach. Wrestling and hugging in the sand. Cuddling with each other as we watched the sun set, the clouds glowing with shades of pink and orange and red.
“I have a show tonight.” His cold voice shattered the beautiful image in my mind.
Silence.
“Will you be okay here? On your own?”
I turned to him, my brows furrowed, “Just fine.”
“I’m leaving now. For practice with the band. I’ll be back around… 1?”
I glanced at the clock on the wall. 5:05. 8 hours on my own. Without that sick son of a bitch. Thank God. I nodded towards Nick and turned back towards the sliding glass doors. I let my mind drift off again. Back to the beach. Back to Louis and Mom.
The front door of the hotel room shut behind me and everything was silent. I felt myself breath. I looked around. Felt my face. I wanted out of here. I wanted Louis. I wanted Mom.
I stood and paced. I stopped in front of the door and grabbed the knob. The metal was cold underneath my fingers. Even if I were to escape, if I were to twist that knob, step out, get on the elevator, run out of this place, I wouldn’t know where to go. I’d just be some helpless girl running down a street without a clue about direction.
Maybe someone would recognize me from the missing persons list. Maybe some stranger would pick me up and kidnap me.
Only the band knew where I was. Only they knew how to get me home.
For now I was stuck here, in this hellhole. With a bunch of people I barely knew. Four men twice my age.
I let my thoughts drift back to the memory of me and Louis at the beach until I found myself asleep, my dream a continuation of that memory.
By the time I woke up, it was already 8’o’clock. 5 more hours until Nick’s return. God. I hated him even more with every passing moment.
I looked around again. Have to find something to do. Take my mind of things. I noticed a bag on the floor next to the recliner chair he’d been sitting in. Must be his. Should I look through it? I wanted to. But it was wrong…
Who cares. He kidnapped me. Looking through his stuff was nothing compared to what he has done. Taken me away from my family and love. And I didn’t even do anything to him. Why did I deserve this? All I’d done was take a drink from that water fountain. That was all.
If only I hadn’t needed to go the bathroom. If only I hadn’t stayed there that extra few minutes to drink from that fountain. I wouldn’t have been there when they passed. They wouldn’t have beat me up. He wouldn’t have me right now.
Oh well. I slid off the bed, grabbing the bag. It was a black laptop bag with Contagious painted white on the side. He didn’t have good handwriting, I’ll tell you that.
I laid the bag on the bed and unzipped it, pulling out the black Compaq laptop and its charger. I held the power button until the screen lit up and I prayed there was no password. Then prayed there was free wi-fi here. If I could get in touch with Louis… it would make me feel a hundred times better.
After a moment of nothing but a black screen with Windows XP in the middle, the desktop loaded. The wallpaper was a picture of the band, all four of them standing side-by-side, arms crossed.
I rolled my eyes and clicked onto Internet Explorer. Typed in Facebook. Quickly entered my email and pass, unchecking the “Remember Me” box.
2 notifications.
I clicked the notifications first.
“Louis Merrick poked you.” And “Jose Suarez liked your status.”
Jose was my friend from 4 grade, but we didn’t talk much. I’d only recently found him on facebook. Any who, on to what I’d set out to do on here. Clicked the chat box. Only two people were online. My cousin Ash and Louis.

Axel Valles

: Thank god you r on!
Louis Merrick

: Omg, where r u? Your mom is crazy worried!
Axel Valles

: Don’t tell her… but Ive been… kind of…. Kidnapped.
Louis Merrick

: WHAT! R U OK? WHERE R U? WHO KIDNAPPEd YOU?
Axel Valles

: Louis, it’s OK. I’m fine… I don’t know where I am but the people… theyre friends. Ill be home… soon… I hope. Just PLZ promise you wont tell any 1! Especially MOM!
Louis Merrick

: … Im worried about you… I miss you…
Axel Valles

: ): im sorry… I miss you more… gotta go…
Louis Merrick

: …
Axel Valles

: I love u… <3
Louis Merrick

: I love you too <3 … please be careful… I don’t no y u wont let me help….
Louis Merrick has signed off at 8:34 pm.

I sighed. Logged off. Shut down the computer and tucked it back into the bag, which I placed back on the floor. My whole body felt heavy and I couldn’t catch a proper breath. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up into a tight ball on the bed, imagining I was in Louis’s arms. For the shortest second I’ve ever experienced in my life, I could’ve sworn I smelled him there with me. His Axe, Pulse cologne. I closed my eyes.
All I wanted was to escape. Be with him. Feel his touch. His arms around me. Feel his lips against mine.
“Louis…”

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

If I dreamt, I didn’t remember it. All I knew was it must’ve been good. I woke up smiling. Until I realized, again, where I was. I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I wanted at least a little more time for myself. So I decided to pretend I was still asleep.
“Mam, can I get anoder cup a water?” a man said with a redneck accent. Who the hell was that?
‘’Of course! I’ll be right back.” A woman’s voice. Who were these people? Probably friends of Nick’s over for a party or something.
But then I realized I was sitting up and my eyes snapped open. Teal-ish colored seats in front of me. I looked to my left. A small, rounded window. Through it I could see houses and grocery stores and fields and woods far below. Everything looked so tiny. I turned to my right. Nick was sitting in the seat beside me. The last seat was empty. The other 3, Tanner, Ben and Stones were in the seats across the aisle from us, laughing over something Tanner had whispered. I didn’t catch it. Didn’t really care.
“Where are we going?” I said slowly.
“Well… we’re about 5 minutes away from New Orleans.”
“N… New Orleans?!” I almost screamed, throwing my hands in the air.
Nick smirked and laughed a little, “Yes, Axel. We’re on tour, don’t you know? That means traveling.”
Only now did I notice my eyes were wide and my mouth was set in such a hard line it hurt. I shook it off, “When am I going HOME?”
“You won’t be. Not anytime soon, at least.”
I bit my lip. I had to go home! I couldn’t abandon Mom and Louis! I turned to look out the window, just as the plane was lowering onto the runway. There was a fairly loud boom as the wheels of the plane came out, then there was a little bump several minutes later when they made contact with the runway.
The whole time I’d had my hands firmly gripped on my seat while I was shaking, trying to calm myself down by taking numerous deep breaths. Just calm down, Axel.
“I take it you’ve never been on a plane, before?” Nick laughed.
I just looked at him and shook my head.
“Well get used to it. We travel a lot.” Tanner said from across the aisle.
I sighed as the plane slowed to a stop and a woman announced that we were in New Orleans. However long the band made me stay with them, it was going to be a long, boring, difficult time for me.

After getting off the plane, going through security, getting bags, the equipment and whatever else the stupid band had to do, we were on our way. It was late afternoon, maybe 3 or 4 based on the sun. It was hot and I was sweating so much I felt like I’d walked all the way here.
Nick took me in his corvette and the other three shared the van with the instruments and equipment, following us. We sped down a couple different highways before we passed a large stadium, which Nick pointed at, gesturing the others to pull into it, which they did.
“Why are they going there and why aren’t we following?” I asked, confused.
“I have to take you to the hotel before I go back with them. We have to set up and practice for the concert tonight.”
“Oh, right.”
So why wasn’t I allowed to go?
“Tomorrow we’ll get your hair cut and dyed brown. Then we’ll get you some contacts. After that, you’ll be able to come with us wherever we go without anybody recognizing you and calling the police.”
I made a face. I’ve worn contacts before, and they dry out my eyes and make them burn. I also hated the idea of having something against my eye. It’s just not right. I had to rub my eye.
“We’re here.”
We pulled into the parking lot of a Holiday Inn just three turns from the stadium.
“Before we go in, me and the boys bought you some fresh clothes to wear.” He handed me a bag. I looked at it. Then looked back up at Nick. “Don’t worry, just black jeans and T-Shirts.”
I sighed and opened the car door.
“And also this hoodie.” He threw a hoodie at me and I almost didn’t catch it. It was solid black, and what do you know, it had Contagious printed on the back. Just great. Now everyone’s going to think I’m a Contagious fan. When instead I’m a Contagious captive.
“Put it on.” He demanded, stepping out of his car and shutting the door a little too hard. I slipped the hoodie over my head and grabbed the bag of clothes. It was probably all cheap, stupid Wal-Mart clothes. Or Contagious clothes. God damn-it.
I followed him into the hotel, where he went up the man working the front desk, a man in his 50’s with gray hair and a black mustache, and paid for a room. Nick handed me the room key and pointed to the elevator. He told me to behave, being sure to call me his cousin, then left.
No way in hell I was his cousin. He was just putting up a show for the man at the desk, but there was no way I wanted to even be considered related to that asshole.
I shook my head and looked down at the key. Room 121. Second floor. I headed down to the elevator and stepped inside. Just before the door closed, a little girl shot in beside me. Her hair was blonde and all messy and stuck up here and there. There was one brown streak but I couldn’t tell whether it was natural or dyed. But why an 8 year old girl would dye her hair, I don’t know. She had big blue eyes and was wearing a matching blue dress with spaghetti straps that went down to her knees. In hand she held a white stuffed teddy bear.
Now, I absolutely hate little kids and babies so this was pretty awkward. I wondered where it’s parents were and why it was staring at me so intently.
I awkwardly fidgeted.
“Hi.” She said shyly.
“Um… hello…” I looked around. The elevator door closed again and we were finally on our way up.
“What’s your name?”
“Axel. You?”
“Sarah.” She was petting the teddy bear and humming to it now.
“Where are your parents?”
“I don’t know. I ran away with my big brother, Sam. He’s 15.” She smiled, now rocking the teddy bear.
The elevator stopped at the second floor and I stepped out, a bit disturbed by my brief conversation with the little girl that I would probably, hopefully, never see again. I turned and she waved to me as the elevator doors closed and headed up to the fourth floor.
I shook my head and made my way down the hall, reading the numbers of the rooms. 115… 117… 119… 121. There we are. I slid the key, which was actually a little card, through the card reader thingy and pushed the door open. I hesitated before stepping into the dark room, slipping the card into my jeans pocket.
The room wasn’t as fancy as the others had been, but had basically all the same stuff. T.V. A couch. Little kitchen/dining area. Bathroom. 2 king-size beds.
I threw the bag on the bed and sorted through the clothes. 2 pairs of black jeans. 2 black shirts, one long-sleeve one short-sleeve. Both solid. Then there was an underwear/bra set. I blushed. What a creep. But they were black as well. The bra was B34. Uh, how did he know my size?
I suddenly felt very self-conscious about my chest.
I grabbed the short-sleeve shirt, black jeans and bra/underwear set and headed into the bathroom, snatching the towel off the towel holder. If that’s what it’s even called. I took a nice, long hot shower trying to calm my raging nerves.
Afterwards I dried myself off, got dressed (surprisingly everything fit perfectly and I got a tad bit suspicious) and I hopped onto the closer bed. I felt my eyelids already drooping and I gave way to sleep not much later.

I dreamt of Mom. And Louis. Mom was in the recliner. Louis and I were on the couch. We were watching a movie. But when I looked at the T.V. I saw nothing. Louis and Mom were staring intently at it, as if something were actually on it.
“Louis? What the hell are you guys doing?”
“Shh. Watch the screen.”
“There’s nothing on it! It’s blank and dark and empty, like me!” I crossed my arms.
Louis glared at me, “Just look at it.”
I turned. Sure enough, there was something on it. A girl. A teenage girl. Laying the grass, blood covered. It was… it was me! I was lying next to a highway. Everyone saw my body, bleeding to death but nobody stopped to help.
“What the?” I said in disbelief, walking over to the screen.
A woman walked past me. A woman with her brunette hair tied up in a ponytail. She saw my body and stopped. I choked out, “Help!”
The woman shook her head, smiling. She kicked my body and laughed as I rolled into the ditch. Into the mud.
I slowly closed my eyes, knowing nobody was going to help. Nobody would care if I died anyway.

“Axel, Axel, wake up!”
“L… Louis?”
He sighed, “No, Axel. It’s Nick.”
I turned over, away from him. My cheeks were wet. I quickly wiped away my tears.
“Why are you crying?”
I sat up straight, “Why am I crying? You took me away from the people I loved! You took me away from my mom, my boyfriend, my friends, everybody!”
“I’m sorry, Axel! Will you ever forgive me?”
“NO!” I growled, lying back down and covering my face with a pillow. I didn’t want to look at him ever ever again.
“Axel… will you at least talk to me… if I let you call your mother?”
I slowly sat up again, “What?”
He reached over for the phone on the bedside table and handed it to me, “Call your Mom. Talk to her. Make up something. Just don’t tell her you’re here with us and don’t tell her our location.”
I scrambled for the phone. I bit my lip, recalling Mom’s number. I dialed quickly and held the cold, tan phone up to my ear, playing with the long, curly wire.
It rang twice before Mom picked up.
“Hello?”
“Mom!”
“Axel! Where the hell are you?”
“Oh, Mom!” I had to fight the tears. I couldn’t cry again. Not on the phone with Mom at least. Her voice sounded so angelic to me now, having not heard it for so long. My heart ached. “I met up with an old friend… I’m with him now. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
“Not worry? You’re telling me not to worry! I haven’t sleep at all since you went missing! The police are looking for you! My God, Axel, you’re driving me and Louis insane! We both miss you so so much!”
“I’m sorry, Mom… I really am… but I won’t be home for a while. Just… call off the searching. I’m safe. Don’t worry. Please be happy, Mom. I’ll see you again one day. I love you! Tell Louis I love him too…”
“I love you too, baby! And will do… I miss you...”
“I miss you too…” I had to hang up. The tears were slipping down my cheeks already. I handed the phone back to Nick, who put it back on its charger on the table.
I curled up in a ball, arms around my knees.
“Axel…”
I shook my head. I couldn’t bear this.
He sighed and stood, heading for the door.
“Don’t… don’t go… please… I don’t want to be alone!” I said without even thinking.
He turned to me, confused and headed to the other bed, “Axel, I’m really really sorry about everything we’ve done… everything we’re doing… I tried to help you and I know that It was wrong to take you but I didn’t want to ruin o-“
“Shut up.” I snapped. I didn’t want to talk or to listen to anyone or anything. I just wanted to be held.
I stood, walked over to Nick, pushed him back on the bed so that he was lying down, and curled up next to him on it. He hesitated, but wrapped his arms around me protectively. It felt good. It felt safe. I didn’t care who it was or where I was. Just that I was safe and someone cared about me.
And maybe this Nick had a heart after all.

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was odd and creepy. Staring at the reflection of a whole other person, even though I knew I was staring at myself. My long black hair was now cut at shoulder-length and died a lighter brown, an almost caramel color. I had in brown contacts but I also had eye-drops so my eyes wouldn’t dry up and burn.
All in all, I didn’t like it. I hated it. I missed how wild and dark my hair was. I missed the ocean blue of my eyes.
Nick kept saying it looked fine. That I was adorable. It was sickening. He had no right to say such things.

We walked from the salon all the way to one of those real fancy shmancy restaurants for the insanely rich people that have to make reservations a week in advance for. ‘La Maison’, it was called. But I was too wound up in thought to really care. I’d planned on escaping and running, but I’d have nowhere to go. No way to get home.
The lights hung from the ceiling like clear partially opened umbrellas. The walls were a burnt umber color. The tables and matching chairs were all a cherry wood color. You waked in and you were bombarded with the aromas of cinnamon and coffee.
We were seated at a private table in the back. I ordered a T-bone steak and a small cup of mixed vegetables. Nick ordered alfredo with shrimp.
The few first minutes of waiting were quiet and gawky. A middle-aged couple came up to Nick eventually. The man was in a fancy white button-down shirt and black dress pants. His hair was short and black, his eyes a dull gray. The woman was in a short fluffy red dress and red high heels. Her blonde hair was up in a sloppy pony tail.
The man was the first to speak, “Hey, aren’t you the singer from Contagious?”
“Yes! Want an autograph, I assume?”
“Oh that would be fabulous! Honey, get a pan and grab a napkin or something.” The woman smiled and put her hands together.
The man grabbed a pen out of his pocket and handed it to Nick, who scribbled his name on his napkin and handed it back to them.
“And who is this fine young lady?” The man asked, finally acknowledging my presence.
“This is Alex, my niece. I’m visiting her for the day.”
“How lovely! Well, we should be getting back to our table, now. Our food’s getting cold!” The woman took the man’s arm and quickly pulled him away.
If they only knew. Knew that I was not his niece, but in fact just a regular 17 year old girl he’d kidnapped from Florida and was being forced to stay with him. But even if they knew, would they care? Would they have the heart to help? To call the police? To bring me back home?
“Axel, are you alright?” Nick asked, breaking my thought process.
I shook my head, “Of course. Why?”
“Your eyes are all red. Are you sure?”
“I’m fine.” I growled. How could he have the nerve to ask me that? Of course I wasn’t alright! I wouldn’t be until he brought me home! Until I could be with Louis again.
But would that ever happen?

After we left the restaurant, he took me to a park. One with trails leading into the woods. We walked on one of these. It led us maybe a mile or so into the woods before opening up to a big lake. The water was almost perfectly clear. You could see the bottom. You could see all the algae, the rocks and the guppies and tadpoles and all those other colorful fish swimming around.
The trails continued even on past this lake, but Nick and I took a seat on the bench overlooking the lake. It was hot out, but still comfortable thanks to the chilly fall breeze.
“I really did mean it yesterday when I said I’m sorry.” He started.
I stayed quiet.
“Axel… please understand. Won’t you talk to me?”
“I hate you.”
“You can’t hate too much. I mean… you let me hold you while we slept last night.” He just had to bring that up!
“I only let you because I needed it. To feel safe.”
He scooted closer to me on the bench. I eyed him. He was up to something.
“We only need that. To feel secure. Safe. Protected… cared about… loved.” he sighed, “Instead of being a downer and being upset about this, because either way it’s not going to change, and this must’ve happened for a reason, let’s make the best of it. Let’s be happy.”
“What are you trying to say?”
He planted a quick kiss on my lips. I shivered and pulled away after a moment, thinking of Louis.
“I’m saying let me be here for you. Let me make you happy. I know we met under some rough circumstances, but I feel like somehow it was for this reason. For me to meet you. Because there is something about you I find entrancing. I find you mysterious and fascinating in so many different ways and I want to get to know you.”
I sighed and he slowly leaned in to kiss me again. This time, I didn’t fight it.

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I woke up with a slight headache and a craving for chocolate. Specifically milk chocolate with caramel in it. Maybe it was because of my new hair color. I rolled over to face the sliding door. Bright light seeped into the room between the blinds. It was plenty of light. No need for florescent lights or opening the blinds any.
I glanced at the digital clock beside my bed with 11:32 blinking in red. Beside it on the tiny bedside table was a torn, half sheet of paper. I stretched and grabbed it between my index and middle finger and yanked it towards me. It slipped and did a little somersault in the air before landing by my elbow. I picked it up again and read it.

Practicing with Band.
Will be back by 12
- Nick

Did he think I cared where he was at? Did he think I cared whether he was dead or alive?
I paused for a moment to imagine him getting run over by a bus. Or a train! I imagined how his bones would be crushed and how his organs and blood would splatter all over the wheels and the road.
My heart sank a little. Why? Why, heart, why? I had no feelings for this man! Did I? NO!
I just needed to hear Louis’s voice. Yeah! That would set me straight again! I reached for the phone and quickly dialed Louis’s cell number.
Ring, ring.
“Uh… hello?”
“LOUIS!”
“Axel! My, god, I miss you…”
“I miss you more, Louis! So so so much! How are you, how’s Mom?”
“Well… other than being heartbroken because my girlfriend decided to run away and not come back… I guess I’m okay. As for Jenny… she’s coping. We’ve been talking a lot, too.”
“Wait, wait, Louis… you think I ran away? You think this was my choice?”
“Nobody in their right mind would LIKE being kidnapped. Nobody would choose to remain kidnapped and not let their boyfriend and family help. You must’ve run away. I’m not stupid.”
“Louis… that’s not it! Not it at all!”
My own boyfriend didn’t believe me. He couldn’t even be there for me in my time of need! I was always there for him! Even when I knew he was lying to cover up something, I still stuck by his side, holding his hand, wiping away his tears! But he didn’t, he couldn’t believe me. He never did. He never trusted me.
“Whatever, Axel. Forget it. How are you?” His voice was distant and burdened.
“Well… I’m in New Orleans! Can you believe that?”
“Wow, that’s… that’s cool, Axel. I got to go, baby… I love you.”
“Okay… I love yo-“
He hung up before I could even finish my sentence. I wanted to break down and cry. I didn’t want to lose Louis. Maybe this was my punishment for cheating on him with Nick. Ugh! Disgusting!
There was a presence. I felt it. I turned to my left and only now noticed Nick standing there, glaring at me with his evil, hateful black eyes.
At first, he said nothing. Just stood and glared at me from the entrance-way. I gave him a warm smile wondering why he was so furious, wondering what he would or could do next.
“Hi, Nick. How was practice?”
He tightened his jaw and lunged for me. He pushed me down against the bed and began to punch me. Over and over and over. It felt like someone was smashing my face with cement blocks.
He wrapped a hand around my neck, pulled me up and pushed me against the wall, slapping me.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I shouted, trying to kick him but of course it did nothing.
“You told them where we are?” he slapped me again, “Did I even say you could use the phone, bitch?”
His fist met my face one last time in a final, agonizing blow before he finally released me and backed off. I collapsed, holding my bruised, swollen, bloody face. I couldn’t fight the tears.
He towered over me for some time, just watching me like I was some kind of animal. When he finally disappeared to God-knows-where again, I curled back up on the bed under all the blankets and covers and cried myself to sleep, holding my mp3 loaded to a picture of Louis.

“No! Nick, let him go! He has nothing to do with this!” I cried over his hisses and shrieks of agony as Nick slipped the knife over and across his skin. His arms were already completely laced, Nick was already set on working on his back.
I was forced to watch bound to a chair across from them, just as how Louis was strapped in. Rope around our chest and legs. Hands and ankles tightly wrapped in rope as well.
The more Louis groaned and hissed, the more Nick would laugh, prancing around his circle, butcher knife in hand, soaked in fresh ruby blood.
Louis took one long last look at me and spat out a bit of blood, “I never loved you anyways, Axel. You’re a stuck-up bitch who doesn’t deserve to be respected nor cared about. Especially by the likes of me.”
“Louis! … I do love you!”
But his eyes had already closed and he was already hunched over, still and limp.
Nick burst into a fit of laugher and slapped his own knees, “What a sight! Such a pitiful waste of human flesh, don’t you think, Axel?”
I glared at him, my cheeks already drenched in running tears. I wanted to be in that chair instead of Louis. I should be the one lifeless and cold, not Louis!
Nick watched my expression and shook his head. He stepped over to Louis, and sat him back upright. He slid open his eyes, set dead on me. They were empty… spiritless. It was a sickening, scary thing to look at and think about. I knew those eyes would forever haunt me until the day I died. Hopefully that would be today.
He pressed the knife against Louis’s throat. He looked at me, eyebrow raised, “Yes?”
My eyes widened as I realized what he was asking, “NO! NO! NICK, YOU’RE INSANE! YOU BASTARD!”
His smile faded, “You always were the party-pooper Axel. Loosen up! Have fun! Just watch! You’ll love it, I promise!” he grinned and dug the knife into Louis’s throat. Blood began to squirt out, right in my direction, barely missing my feet as it splattered onto the floor.
“Ha-haHAha-HA!” Nick sang, dragging the knife back and forth. Like a logger would saw a tree. But this was no tree trunk. This was Louis’s neck! This was Louis’s blood spraying everywhere like a sprinkler!
I closed my eyes and held them tight, but even that couldn’t hold back the tears. I lay my head back as far as I could and screamed. My heart felt like it was being thrown into a paper shredder in slow-motion.
A few minutes later I realized Nick had quit laughing. I had ceased to feel the splatter of the blood against my pants, my face. But I still dare not open my eyes. I couldn’t look. I had to keep the good memories. Had to keep the last memory of Louis as Louis being alive.
Yes! At the fair when Louis and I were on the Ferris Wheel and he was laughing so hard because the kid in the car below was crying and screaming and having a panic attack. It was cruel but just way too funny.
Something was placed upon my lap. Cold and soaked. I bit my lip and slowly opened my eyes only to gasp and close them again.
For what was on my lap would eternally haunt me. In my dreams it would slip into, and every waking moment of my remaining lifetime would the scene replay. Without my even wishing upon it or recalling it, I would never forget it. I couldn’t . Just impossible.
Why couldn’t I just be dead too? What is a life where every moment is spent stuck on this one night… this one scene… but the night Louis died would be the night I died as well.

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

“Axel…” He whispered, quietly shutting the door behind him. The little creak of the door as it had opened was enough to wake me. I had always been a light sleeper, and plus, I’d pretty much slept the entire day.
I pretended to still be asleep. Maybe he would go away. I really didn’t want to talk to Nick right now. I was afraid he’d punch me again. There was almost no flesh left on my face that he could attack, it was all bruised already.
“Axel, we need to talk.” He flipped a switch and the room was immediately filled with bright, yellow-tinted light that stung my eyes. I pulled the blanket over my head and said nothing.
Nick sat down behind me on the bed, “I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry. I can’t believe I did that… I just… I lost my temper. I was already stressed from practice… then I come to find you telling them our location and I just… I don’t know.”
I sighed and sat upright to see Nick with his head in his hands. His hair was knotted and wild. A little leaf tangled up in it was bothering me so I leaned over and picked it out, tossing it aside.
Nick slowly turned to me, his eyes red. When he saw my face, the extent of the damage, he gulped and his eyes welled up.
I shook my head, “It’s okay, I understand. I forgive you, Nick. Please don’t cry or feel guilty or anything…”
“How do I make it up to you?”
I thought it over for a moment, then said, “How about dinner again tomorrow? For now, just get some sleep. You look dead.”
He nodded, “Okay… will you lie with me?”
“Of course.”
He lie down beside me and I copied, facing him.
“I’m still so, so sorry, Axel… I must be the most horrible person in the world.”
“No you’re not, Nick. Don’t talk like that.”
Why was I saying these things? No, it couldn’t be… I liked him! My God… no! No, it isn’t true! Then why was I leaning over? Why did I kiss him so slowly for so long… 15 seconds was it… and I didn’t even feel guilt!
Louis… when he finds out, what will he do? Will he beat me up? Break up with me? Oh my god, I’m so dead!
But his arms felt safe and protective, even though he could kill me with them easily. And our lips fit like puzzle pieces, his kisses were soft and gentle and loving. Louis’s were more eager, but less loving and warm. Like… sort of distant.
Whatever. I loved Louis. I had to find a way to stop this with Nick before it went too far.
It was ridiculous. I hadn’t even known I liked Nick until he kissed me. He stole my heart with just one kiss… how easy am I?

“How can you wear those contacts all day every day like that?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. The contacts were drying them out already, but I couldn’t take them out. We were at the La Maison again.
Nick laughed, “I got used to them. I also use better eye drops than you. I take them out after every concert, when I sleep and when I shower. Plus I have three different pairs I rotate between.”
I squinted, “Well then. What color are your eyes for real?”
“Hazel. I’m surprised you haven’t seen them. You mustn’t be too observant.”
I shrugged, “It’s amazing how much I don’t notice.”
The waiter finally returned and set our plates before us. Mine was full of spaghetti and Nick’s had chicken with rice. Once the waiter left, after recognizing Nick and demanding an autograph, we relaxed again and went back to talking.
“So… how did you get into singing?” I twirled the spaghetti awkwardly with my fork.
“Well. My parents divorced when I was really young, and both were always busy trying to find new partners, plus working and paying the bills, they were pretty much ignoring me. Then I was getting bullied at school, had no friends, the typical outcast. My father got into drinking and one night he came home drunk, started screaming at me for not doing the dishes and started beating me. I realized than that no one cared about me or loved me. So, at the age of 13, I ran away. We lived in Colorado at the time, by the way. So I just kept running and running. They didn’t even call the cops to report my missing. Just let me go. Easy as that. I started to miss my parents, but I knew I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t trust anybody, had no friends or anything, so I got into writing. First, short stories, but then poetry. Then I started singing my words to calm me down whenever I was mad or upset and it became a hobby.”
The waiter interrupted us, placing the bill on the table before Nick and smiled, asking if we’d like anything else. We both gently replied ‘no’ and she was off, back to serving an older couple that had just walked in.
“So did you form the band or how did you get in?” I asked, nervously looking around.
He raised an eyebrow, “I used to be in a band called Twistexistence, which is just a mix of twisted and existence. But on our last gig, the drummer quit and we were all drunk and him and the guitarist got into a fight, getting kicked out of the bar. Our band just kind of fell apart right there. But that night Contagious was there too and they had been looking for a singer. So they asked if I would like to join and I did.”
I nodded and Nick tilted his head a little, watching me, “Are you okay, Axel?”
“What? Y-Yeah. Just… can we go?”
He nodded and stood, walking away before I even had a chance to stand. I followed him to the cashier and he paid, and we were finally out of there, finally on the way back to the hotel room.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked as we sped down the highway.
I shifted uneasily.
He stifles a laugh, “This is about… when we kissed? And your boyfriend. I get it, Axel. You don’t want to hurt him. You hate me. So why did you kiss me? And why did you let me kiss you?”
I felt the tears claw at my eyes. Not now. I couldn’t deal with this.
“It’s up to you to decide what happens in your life. It’s your choice which paths to choose. Sometimes things do happen for a reason, to show you new opportunities, the things you never thought you wanted but you needed all along.”
He pulled the car into park. Everything was quiet for a moment, until he said, “It’s up to you to make the decision. I’ll still be here whichever you choose.”

He didn’t say much after that. Not even a goodbye when he left to practice. This hurt me more than it should have, but I kept my composure. This thing, whatever it was, between me and Nick, had to end. Here and now.
While he was gone I decided to steal onto his computer again, quickly turning it on and logging on to Facebook.
Louis was online. Idle, but online. I checked his profile. Just one new status update. A recent one… from 3 days ago.
“I miss her... I love her… but obviously she doesn’t care…”
Under that was a comment from some girl named Kristine Lauren. Her profile picture, I assumed, was of her. Curly blonde hair. Pale. Green eyes.
“Awww, it’s okay! I’m here for you, always!!! Talk to me? :)”
Louis was now active. But he had not messaged me yet. I clicked on to Kristine’s profile. From Michigan. 15. Relationship status: ‘it’s complicated’. 231 friends. 1 mutual.

Louis Merrick: hello
Axel Valles: hey babe
Louis Merrick: …what ya up to
Axel Valles: secretly using a computer to talk to my love
Louis Merrick: That’s kool
Axel Valles: what’s wrong? It’s me, right? Status update?
Louis Merrick: Mhm.
Louis Merrick: Am I not good enough for you, or something? If you don’t want me, just tell me. You don’t have to run away nd pretend youre kidnapped.
Axel Valles: but im not pretending… babe, youre perfect! :C
Louis Merrick: Whatever. Im sick of the lies. I love you, but you obviously don’t love me back. I hope your happy with whoever you with.
Louis Merrick has signed off at 7:43 p.m.

I sighed. Louis could be so ignorant and blind sometimes. I glared at Kristine’s profile picture, as if she could actually see me, before pressing the power button and slipping the computer back into its case. I curled up on the bed, sobbing quietly to myself, wishing Nick was here.
And he was. He returned about a half an hour later, finding me still crying on the bed. He lie beside me and swept me into his arms. I cried for some time into his soft chest as he ran his fingers through my hair, unsure of what else to do to cheer me up.
When everything fell silent again, and the sun had gone down, we were draped in utter darkness. But neither of us made any move to turn on a light. We were more than fine in each other’s arms.
“Nick?” my weak voice shattered the silence.
“Hmm?”
“I think I’ve made my decision…”
“Go on.” His voice was distant and tired. I had to get this through right quick.
“It’s true I love Louis and I don’t want to hurt him… but he’s never ever there for me when I need him the most… all he does is doubt me. He wants to be all him, him, him! He’s even cheated on me once or twice without the slightest bit of regret or guilt. He always seems to have time for everyone else besides me.”
“But I’m always here for you, and I always will be. We may not have met under the greatest circumstances, but I have a good feeling about the future. I will always do everything in my power to make you happy, no matter the cost.”
I nodded, a smile tugging at my lips. I trembled. He scooted as close to me as possible and wrapped his arm tighter around my waist.
I sealed my loose decision with a kiss. A long, deep, passionate kiss.

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I woke, still in his arms, loving the feeling of security and safety and belonging. Nick was still fast asleep. Well, it was still early. I adjusted my head slowly and carefully so I could watch him. His left eyebrow would twitch every now and then, and his nostrils would sometimes flare. Only now when I got a good, close-up view of him, I noticed his features. His skin. His eyes. His nose. His soft, delicious lips.
He was like the grown-up, perfected version of Louis. His body was skinny and almost perfectly shaped. Slight abs but I never really did care for them anyways so it didn’t matter. Louis didn’t have any.
I thought again about how Louis would feel and what he would do if he found out about me and Nick. He’d be devastated and hurt. He’d dump me and accuse me of betraying him and never loving him. But I did. I just didn’t feel it in return. That used to be us, me and him. Always talking to each other online and sneaking out to see each other every chance we got. Constant hugging and kissing.
But that faded over time. I always loved Louis and I tried to make it work but it didn’t do any good. Louis was distant with me. Didn’t trust me. Didn’t love me.
I had to move on eventually. But was this the right choice?
“Good morning.” Nick yawned, pulling me tighter against him, “Ready to go to Texas?”
“Texas?!” I almost shouted, utterly perplexed.
Nick chuckled, “Houston, Texas, to be exact. We’re on tour, remember?” He glanced at his watch, “Plane leaves in 5 hours.”
I bit my lip. Houston, Texas. I didn’t like Texas. Wasn’t it all farms and cows? Didn’t know farmers liked metal music. I shrugged. Maybe the cows like it.
Nick planted a kiss on my lips that I melted into almost immediately, my heart racing on the inside. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and I ran mine through his hair, holding the nape of his neck. I knew, even if I changed my mind and decided to make the right decision… it wasn’t going to happen. I was far too deep now.

The plane ride was long and boring. Nick fell asleep ten minutes in and didn’t wake until we got to Texas. And instead of making me wait in a hotel room this time, Nick invited me to the concert that evening. Of course, I’d have to wait backstage and pretend I was his cousin, but that was fine with me.
The stage was large and back here was hot and busy. People were running all over the place, shouting orders, checking lights, microphones and instruments. A few people came to interrogate Nick about me, but he relayed our story smoothly, the other band members chuckling and rolling their eyes.
Hundreds, maybe a thousand people standing in the audience. Most of them didn’t even look like farmers. But they looked anxious and impatient. Dangerous. So glad I wasn’t among those guys.
“Showtime, Axel. I’ll see you after the concert.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. He whispered in my ear at an angle nobody could see, “Bye sexy.”
I only smiled and watched him make his way onstage, the drums already beating loudly.
A handful of the songs I actually recognized rom Mom blasting them in the car. A couple I could actually sing along to. I slowly realized they were actually a pretty good band. Maybe even better than Extremity. What am I saying? That’s just the fluttery feeling in my stomach talking. I always thought I hated him, but now I found myself missing him. Loving his touch and his kisses. Subtly stealing Louis’s place in my heart.
But I’d lost Louis a long time ago. He’d made it obvious he was tired of me anyways. What else could I do? Nick was actually there for me when I needed him.

About 3 hours or so later, the music slowed and died out, and the crowd shouted for an encore. Nick came backstage for a couple minutes and pulled me out of view, kissing me lightly and hugging me before racing back onstage and shouting their final songs. Two I’d never heard before. They must’ve been new.
First thing he did when he returned was grab me and spin me around. He was coated in sweat, but I didn’t care. The rest of the boys followed after him and he said, “Alright, now time for Del Rio!”
“Del Rio? What is that?” I asked, baffled.
“Night club just a couple blocks from here. A limo’s already waiting outside to take us there. Don’t worry, I’ll make them let you in. It’ll be fun.” He grinned, wrapping his arm around my waist as he led us through to the back door and we quickly piled into the awaiting black limo before anyone could see us. It was a tight fit, but comfy.
Del Rio was quite a small place. Had a bar and a small stage plus a dance floor. The music was stentorian and the people were all drunk and obnoxious. Nick had pointed to the motel across the street and told me we’d be staying there.
Nick did indeed get them to let me come inside, with a small bribery of 50 dollars. While Stones, Tanner and Ben gulped down drink after drink, Nick and I kept to the corner, slow-dancing even though a strong, fast-paced techno song was booming in the background. We kept our eyes on each other and he rested his forehead against mine.
Eventually we’d slipped into a hot, heavy session of making-out. It didn’t go any farther than that though. Fifteen minutes or so in, Nick said he was going to the bathroom, and told me to stay put and not go anywhere.
I sat alone, watching all the crazy drunk people dancing awkwardly to the music. Most of them were just grinding on each other, while the more drunk ones just flailed their bodies around, thinking they were just doing really good at dancing.
Through the crowd, I caught Tanner’s stare. Seeing that I was alone, he pushed through the crowd and staggered over to me.
“H-heeee.” He burped.
“Um, hi Tanner.”
He smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.
“What are you doing?” I tried to pull away, but he held me close and tight. So tight my wrists were actually starting to hurt.
“Y-youare actuaallly really really REALLY pret-no, beautiful!” he slurred, leaning in to kiss me.
I turned my head and he ended up smooching my cheek. Once he realized, he furrowed his brows and turned for the exit, pulling me along.
“Where are we going? I have to wait for Nick.”
He glared at me and pushed me through the door, out into the cold night. I could still here the music from inside, booming loudly.
“Weee are going to have ooooour own fuun, okay? No more Niiiicki pricky.”
What was he talking about? What was he going to do? I panicked and tried to pull away and run, but he tightened his grip and sloppily continued to pull me along. For a drunk dude, he was pretty strong.
He forced me along the cross walk and into the motel we were all staying at, waving stupidly over at the man working the front desk. He awkwardly smiled and nodded, rolling his eyes when Tanner turned away. I wanted to scream, “Help me!” but the fear held my lips sealed.
He pushed me through one of the last doors on the right and locked the door behind us.
“Tanner, what do you think you’re doing? Nick will kill you!” I looked down at my now free wrists. There were dark purple bruises where his fingers were.
He quickly pulled off his shirt and pushed me down on the bed. I tried to push him away or wiggle away, but he held my wrists down tightly against the bed. I was pinned. He leaned over me, trailing kisses from my ear to my neck, then down to my collarbone.
He tugged at my shirt with his teeth. I argued and screamed, but he wouldn’t stop. He held my arm down with his knee for a moment while he stuffed his shirt in my mouth to silence me. Then he went back to his work, pinning me so hard against the bed I could feel the bulge in his pants as he tore my shirt.
Next he went for my jeans, grabbing the zipper in his teeth and pulling it down. And of course, he then pulled the jeans themselves down, again with his teeth. I cringed. How strong were his teeth? And was this really happening? I struggled again, but he just tightened his grip even more. I wanted to scream, but I could only cry.
He laughed and demanded that I shut up. He readjusted himself again so that my arms were pinned by his knees so he could slip out of his jeans and toss them aside and return to his work.
He positioned himself and I braced for it. For him to steal the last piece of innocence in me. He watched the tears roll down my cheeks before wiping them away and he whispered, “It’ll be okay. It’ll be fuuuun, I promise.” And he went in. Without a care in the world about what he was doing to me.

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

“TANNER!”
I didn’t know where the voice came from, but it didn’t really matter. Nothing could get worse than this. I kept my eyes tightly shut, groaning with the pain. All I could hear was his moaning, so loud and disgusting it made my head ache. But hell, my whole body was burning at this point.
“TANNER, GET THE FUCK OFF HER!”
He was forced away from me, pulled to the floor. Only now, free from his cold grasp, did I open my eyes and curl up in the tightest ball possible, tears still streaming down my face. Everything stung.
Nick was on top of him, punching him senselessly in the face. He didn’t even put up a fight. The blood poured out of his nose like a faucet and a couple teeth flew out of his mouth. Nick’s face was hot red and his hair was pasted to his forehead with the sweat.
Several more brutal punches and kicks in the nuts passed before Tanner passed out and Nick rushed over to me.
“I’m so sorry, Axel. I can’t believe this happened… I’m so so sorry… I’ll never leave you again!” He was crying now, wrapping me up in an extra, clean, thin blanket from the closet He cradled me like a baby while I wept in his chest. He kicked Tanner one last time before carrying me out, shutting the door behind us and leading me to his room.

I cried nonstop for several hours. The whole time curled up against Nick, with fresh clothes and a blanket around us both. He kept his teary eyes on me the whole time, holding me, running his fingers through my hair and wiping away the tears, kissing me every so often.
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I felt worthless. He’d taken all the innocence I’d had. Ignored my fear, my sorrow, my pleading… to have his way. I felt so dirt and used. I never wanted to move again. I was afraid he might return… do it again. Those brown eyes were there whenever I closed my eyes. They haunted my dreams. I was too afraid to even look anyone in the eyes other than Nick. I felt like everyone knew. That everyone knew I was so easy they could have their way whenever.
That cruel, sick bastard stole my dignity and pride.
The first night I didn’t sleep. I didn’t move or say anything. I held Nick tight and close to me so he wouldn’t leave. He didn’t sleep much either, so alert and protective. I’m sure he got an hour or so towards sunrise though.
Next band practice, Nick forced me to come with.
“He’ll be there! He’ll do it again! I can’t go! You can let him do that to me again!”
“Baby, I promise you, you’ll be fine. Just stay at my side the whole time. Don’t talk to him or look at him at all. But we need to practice. I’ll deal with Tanner myself, but after that, we need to try to stay intact even with the tension, or all we’ve worked for would be for nothing.”
“You hold your band higher than me. Higher than my feelings, my emotions, my protection. Now, with Tanner and even that night in Tampa, when you kidnapped me. Just so you could keep your band together. No thought for me.”
He turned and took slow, baby steps back to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, “We’ve only been together a week. This band’s been together 10 years. If I don’t keep it together, I’ll lose everything. I was never really friends with them. Right now, you’re really all I have. And I don’t hold them higher than you. You and your feelings, your emotions, and especially your protection, are the most important to me. But I can’t take care of you if I can’t take care of myself first.”
He kissed me lightly and I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.
“And by the way, Axel.” He rested his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes, “That night in Tampa. I didn’t take you for the band’s safety. I took you at first to help you from them. Remember, I was the one who stepped in. I sat by your side the whole time, making sure you were safe. I was to let you free when you woke and when I was sure you were okay. But the more I watched you, the more I realized how perfect you were. The perfect features, perfect body, perfect personality. I felt it in my bones, my veins, the pores of my skin, my heart… I knew there was a reason and that I needed you. I couldn’t just let you go… please forgive me, Axel, for following my heart. I know it wasn’t the right thing”
“Shh.” I put my index finger against his lips. I was in tears yet again, “No it really wasn’t the right thing. Helping me, yes but kidnapping me… no. But… I’m glad you did.”
He held me tightly against him for some time before saying, “So will you come with me? I swear he will never touch you again. And if he does, he will never see another ray of sunlight.”
I gave in, knowing he wouldn’t step out of that room without me. I didn’t want to be alone anyways. I couldn’t be. I was still so terrified. Just the thought of sitting there alone… he barges in through the door… finds me…

“I will kill you for what you’ve done to her!”
“To who? Your little whore?”
It doesn’t matter if you’re all a band, been best friends since high school or whatever… you don’t fuck with or disrespect a bro, or his mate. That was what he said on the way here. Now he was already fuming, all up in Tanner’s face.
And Tanner’s comment earned him an extra punch in the face.
Stones and Ben had to grab Nick and pull him away from the already bleeding Tanner so he couldn’t do any more harm.
“Nick, calm down! You have to calm yourself!” Stones growled, holding Nick in a headlock. He struggled but didn’t get anywhere. Tanner stayed put on the ground, watching them. Occasionally his glance would flicker back to me for a split second, sending chills down my spine but he didn’t try anything.
Once Nick was calmed, Ben stood between the two, with Stone ready to grab Nick if he went after Tanner again. I’d never seen Nick so mad. His face was fuming and red, nostrils flaring. His fists clenched and unclenched and he growled. A sick, beast-like growl.
“Tell me. What the hell happened between you two?” Ben shouted in Nick’s face.
“That sick, twisted bastard… he…”
“Raped me.” I cut in. He looked like he was on the brink of tears as he turned to me, mouthing ‘I’m sorry.’
At least now I knew he cared. More than Louis ever would. And he would protect me like Louis never could. As Ben and Stones heard the words, both sets of eyes went big and they turned right back to Tanner.
“You son of a-“
Another kick to the face. This time by Stones. Tanner groaned in pain and spat out a bit of blood. “What the hell were you thinking, Tanner? You’ve lost your goddamn mind!”
“I was drunk. She was the one who followed me out the door, across the street and into the motel.” He grinned.
“You pulled me. You forced me.”
Nick jumped after him again, but Stones pushed him back, “Listen boys. There’s a week until our next concert. Until then, I want you two to get this issue resolved and get over yourselves. And Tanner, stay the fuck away from Axel. Understand?”
Both nodded and Stones headed past us to the exit and for the longest moment Nick and Tanner just glared at each other.
I decided to step in before another fight started, so I took Nick’s hand, “Let’s just go, Nick.” I pulled him but he wouldn’t budge until he let out his final growl and told Tanner he’d be watching him. Then we left, went right back to the Motel.
Nick was still fuming though and said he needed some time alone. Where he went, I didn’t know. But I took the chance to sneak onto his laptop and get online.
One message.
From Louis.

You don’t realize just what you’re doing to me, Axel.
I can’t believe I have to do this, but…
I need you and you’re just not there.
I don’t know why you left but it really hurts…
I can’t help but think there’s someone else.
Don’t object. What other explanation could there be?
So.
I’m sorry Axel…
But I’m letting you go.
I’ll always love you

- Louis

I wasn’t surprised or shocked. I mean, I had it coming. But I still couldn’t believe it. Louis broke up with me... my heart sank. He didn’t believe me. He couldn’t just be there for me. Never. I loved him but even though he always said he loved me back, his actions never showed it. I didn’t feel it back. And he claimed it was the other way around.
I shut down the laptop, slipped it back into its case and curled up on the bed to cry myself to sleep. Again I dreamt of Louis.

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

“Just forget about him, Axel. You have me now. Am I not enough?”
“You’re more than enough. But I can’t just forget about him, Nick. I love him.”
He sighed and fidgeted awkwardly. It wasn’t like he didn’t know. It was his fault, mainly. He stole me away from him.
“I have a surprise for you. When we get to Reno… you’re coming to the concert. The second to last song… is a song I wrote for you. I really hope you like it.”
I smiled weakly, “I know I’ll love it. I like anything you do.”
He grinned and shook his head, “I doubt that. You absolutely hated my guts at first.”
“I was afraid. And that’s before I really got to know you.” I scooted closer to him on the bed and kissed him tenderly, wrapping my arms around his neck. He wrapped his around my waist and pulled me tight against him.
“Come on, let’s go to sleep. We have the whole week to ourselves before we have to get to Reno.”
I smile and yawn, lying beside him with his arms around me protectively until I doze off to sleep again.

I didn’t particularly like Reno, but didn’t hate it either. Just wasn’t impressed. At least we were only spending two nights there.
Of course I sat in on the concert, like Nick begged of me. This time I only recognized a couple of their older songs, the rest were quite recent. Then came the second to last song. Started out slow and calm, just guitar and some humming. Then came in the drums and the lyrics started up there.

All this time I’ve been searching
Had my heart stolen and broken
Too many times to count
We’ve both been there

Until I met you
I never really believed in love
But one look and your eyes
Stole my breath away

You will never understand
Hell, neither do I
All I know is that I love you
And I need you

Until I met you
I never really believed in love
But one look and your eyes
Stole my breath away

You
You will never understand
Hell, neither do I
All I know is that I love you
I love you
And I need you
I need you

By the time it ended, my face and sleeves were drenched in tears. That song was for me. He loved me. Even though I’d hated him so much in the beginning. Even though we’d only known each other for such little time, due to such sucky circumstances. He loved me, I’d felt in his voice. He sang from his heart. Always.
That was one of the many things I’d learned about Nick over my, so far, 2 month ‘captivity’.

It wasn’t long before the music died and I was suddenly in Nick’s arms, being smothered with eager kisses and tight hugging. We kept like that for some time, even as the other band members came in and everyone started staring. Eventually I was able to pull away, arms and knees trembling.
“Did you like it… the song?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, but tears threatened to spill over and I could only nod. He sweeps me up into yet another hug and wipes away his own tears with the shoulder of my shirt.

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Vegas. The last concert for the tour, then we’re all going home. I can’t wait. I won’t have to deal with all the tension between Nick and Tanner. I just wanted to forget about what happened, but they always fight and bring it up. I still don’t talk to Tanner, nor look at him but I’ve talked to Nick about it. But do boys ever listen? Nope.
Nick promised to take me back home to his beach house in Virginia, which I am excited about. Though I can’t help but feel a little ashamed of myself for not wanting or even asking to go home. And the thought of Louis is kept at the back of my mind, gently tugging at my heart.
But I mustn’t stop long to think about it. I have to keep focused on the present.
“Remember, Axel. Our plane leaves exactly an hour and a half after the concert, so I need you to get your stuff together and put in the car before we go.”
I groaned and rolled over. Sometimes he reminded me of Mom.
I didn’t have too much stuff to ‘get together’. All I had was about three shopping bags worth of clothes. My mp3 player and new charger. Small notebook laptop which I didn’t use too much. Just to check emails and see what Mom was up to these days. It felt like it’d been years since I’d seen her.
“Wake up!” Nick laughed, kneeling down and tickling me. I squealed and jumped to my feet, rubbing my eyes.

The concert that night seemed like the fastest, shortest one yet. But that was due to my excitement and anxiousness. I was tired of the routine: wake up, eat, listen to them practice, sit backstage in the concert, go to the after-party, go back to the hotel we’re staying at, sleep and repeat.
Before I knew it, we were on the plane. This time, it was only me and Nick. Tanner and Ben took a separate flight for Michigan and Stones was headed for Pennsylvania to visit his parents. I’d fallen asleep not ten minutes into flight. I mean, it was 2:45 in the morning. I dreamt of landing in Florida, and being swept into Mom’s arms. Her face when she realized I was with her favorite rock-star! Oh, boy! She’d be the most jealous woman in the world. She’d either adore me for it, or resent me for it. Wasn’t too sure which. I probably would never know.

He brought me to Virginia Beach. To a large two-story house with baby blue walls and lots ( and I mean LOTS ) of large windows. The shingles on the roof were dirty and some even breaking off, but I didn’t care. The driveway was long and gravel and the property was full with trees. It was well hidden from nosy passer-bys.
Nick let me in and showed me around. Large living room with wood floor, 32” tv mounted on the wall facing a velvet black couch. Then there was the dining table that looked quite similar to the floor. Three metal chairs. Then the kitchen with white tile. Marble countertops and black cabinets. Small pantry filled with canned foods and cocoa-puffs. Across from the kitchen, next to the stairs was the bathroom. Then on to the porch. Fair-sized pool. No fancy flooring, just regular old cement.
Second floor now. Another bathroom. Master bedroom with king-sized bed, brown 3-drawer dresser and across from that, a desk. Then there was a walk-in closet and a small guest bedroom.
“Well?” he asked, setting his backpack and laptop bag on his bed and sitting beside them.
I hesitantly set my own stuff against the wall, looking around the room again. Warm. Bright. No chaos or noise or tense vibes between Tanner and Nick, who coughed to catch my attention. My gaze returned to him.
“It’s beautiful.”
He gave me a little smile before looking back to the floor. I closed the distance between us and lifted his head with my thumb and index finger, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with Tanner for a while? No schedule? Nobody bugging you? Do whatever you want?”
He nodded, biting his lip, “Yeah. I don’t have to deal with those fools for a whole two weeks! Then it’s back to practicing and planning for the upcoming tour. Freedom!”
“But? What’s bugging you?”
For the longest moment, there was silence. Then he chuckled slightly and I’m suddenly grabbed and pulled off my feet and land on top of him on the bed. He laughs at the shock and surprise on my face and pulls me in for a long, deep kiss. This time neither of us wants to pull away. Our hearts beating faster and faster, things getting hot and intense.
Before I realize what’s even happening, he has me pinned on the bed, stripping off our clothes and trailing kisses all over my body. I couldn’t hold back the moaning and I couldn’t fight off the guilty feelings and thoughts.
What are you doing? This is should be Louis!

But Louis never cared about me. He’s the one who let me go. It’s his fault. I love Nick now. Not Louis. I did love him but he didn’t love me back. I had to move on anyways.
A stinging pain ripped through my body, only to be replaced by more bliss moments later. Far too late to back away now.
This is wrong and you know it, Axel.

No. This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. Louis lost his chance. He just threw me away.
He only had to because you left him. You’re the one who cheated and ran off with the band. A band you supposedly hated.

There was warmth, and then all was done. He lied beside me, wrapping his arm around me, staring at me intently. I swept away the guilty thoughts and smiled. He gave me one last tender kiss and, “I love you...”
“I love you more.”
But he was already asleep. Few minutes later, so was I.

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

A bright light woke me up and I had to rub my eyes. Louis was at the foot of the bed, glaring at me with his arms crossed. I knew that look. Just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, I took a glance around the room, finding myself naked with Nick. So it’d been real. I turned back to Louis and already felt the warm tears rolling down my cheeks.
“How could you do this to me, Axel?” He whispered, voice cracking mid-sentence.
“I couldn’t help it, Louis… you left me! He cares about me!”
“But who do you love more? Me or him?”
“Louis, don’t be like this… please…”
“I’m sorry, Axel. But why should I be heartbroken when I was faithful… yet you get to have the dream life. Why should you get to be happy? You destroyed me, Axel. I can’t allow this.”
He pulled out a gun, pointing it right at me.
“Louis! No! I love you!”
“I’m sorry, Axel. But I have to do this.”
He pulled the trigger without any hesitation.

I sat upright, stretching and looking around. I still couldn’t believe what happened last night. I gave up my virginity to my mother’s favorite rock star.
I stood and found my clothes, slipping back into them and headed downstairs, hearing the shower on in the bathroom as I passed it. So I’d only have the next few minutes to myself. I found my way to the kitchen, making a quick toast to eat as my breakfast. Well, more like brunch since it was already 12:30 in the afternoon.
A few minutes later a pair of hands wrapped around my waist and Nick kissed me lightly on the cheek, “Good morning, Hun.”
“Good morning.” I smiled and kissed him back, only on the lips.
“I want you to hear something I’ve been working on. I know I only have two weeks to relax and spend time with you before back to practicing… but I’m so eager to start this new album… I’ve so many ideas for it. I want you to listen to the first song. Do you want to?”
“Of course.”
A broad smile spread across his face, “Come on, my guitar’s in the living room.”

The song was slow but beautiful. Perfect rhythm. To my surprise and delight, it was also about me. I was tearing over only halfway through.
Once it was over, I hugged him tightly.
“I’m really glad you like it, Axel. I should tell you one other thing…”
“What?” I looked up at him, trying to figure out if this would be a good or bad thing he was going to tell me.
“You know the album we’re making? The one we’re doing the tour for? Well. The whole thing’s about you… and us.”
“What! Oh my god!”
He smiled and his gaze fell to the ground, “I wanted to make it up to you for… basically kidnapping you. But you were too perfect. I wanted to get to know you, and that was my chance. I was selfish.”
“Babe, it’s fine. All turned out good, right? It was meant to be, you and me.”
I couldn’t help but think back to the dream from last night and a cold shiver went through my body. Thankfully Nick didn’t notice.
“I’m going to take a shower… I’ll see you in a bit?”
He nodded and smiled.

I stood there in the shower quite a while just letting the cold water trail down my body. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt odd being alone. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to make the feeling go away, but it wouldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. His hair, his face, the way it felt to be in hi arms. The taste of his mouth. Or last night…
I couldn’t help but cry.

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Have you ever felt the true extent of guilt? If not, could you imagine it? How horrible a person am I… for falling for another person when I was with Louis. I guess this was better for Louis, though. He could move on from me and find someone much better. More faithful. He deserves the best, you know.
I felt like a whore inside. A sick, dirty whore. Half of me told me it was wrong, I had to leave. The other half of me just wanted to curl up in Nick’s arms and be held. Be kissed. Be loved.
I dried myself off and stepped out, slipping back into my clothes. I found Nick on the couch in the living room, watching some kind of horror movie. When he noticed me, he smiled and waved at me to come over, so I curled up beside him on the couch.
It felt safe there, just curled up against him with his arms around my waist. Like I was meant to be there. I know I used to hate this man with all my heart, but after these past few months, a lot has changed. I’ve changed. We’ve both changed.
Neither of us paid much attention to the movie. Instead I was falling asleep while Nick gently ran his fingers through my hair, something I always loved. It calms me down.
But the next movie was about the holocaust. A scene came on with a middle age woman giving her 5 year old daughter a final hug goodbye before she had to get on the train. A wave of homesickness washed over me and my heart ached. I missed my mom so much… would I ever see her again?
“What’s wrong, Axel?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re crying…” Nick picked up the T.V. remote from beside us and the T.V. screen turns black and silent. I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“It was… the…” I took a deep breath to try to calm myself, “Will I… will I get to see my mom again… anytime soon?”
Nick frowns, eyebrows furrowed. Odd.
“Of course, Honey.”
I decided to end the subject. For some reason it bothered Nick. He probably thought If I saw her, I’d want to go home and leave him. But I couldn’t live without him now. I just want to see my mom. It’d been way too long.
The last time I’d spoken to her was in Texas. I’d called her while Nick was practicing with the guys.
“Oh, God. Axel! Where are you? H-How are you, baby?” She’d already started crying.
“I’m fine, Mom. I.. I met someone. I… I… I love him. I’m happy now.”
“When am I going to see you?”
“I don’t know mom…” my voice cracked, “I’m… not in Florida. We found a house in… Seattle.”
She sighed heavy through the phone. I knew she wouldn’t ‘approve’. But she didn’t really have a choice. I was just telling her a story to stop her worrying.
“As long as you’re happy…”
“I am, Mom. You better be happy too.”
“Do I get to meet him?”
I grinned to myself. She’d die if she found out who it was, “Yeah, Mom. Of course you will.”
“Good… I gotta go, Honey… be safe.”
“Hey Mom…”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, sweety.”
There was a click and she was gone.

The homesickness was eating me from the inside out now. What would she be doing now? What if I was there with her? What would we be doing?
“I know what’ll cheer you up.”
“What?” I turned to look at Nick, trying to brush away the homesick feeling and the memories/
“Let’s go eat out somewhere. Like… How about Applebee’s?”

Neither of us dressed up or did anything special in getting ready to go. Both of us were comfortable in regular clothes. I can’t stand these people that take like an hour to get dressed up all fancy for a place like that. People like my grandma. Wearing fancy clothes and putting on a ton of makeup and making sure everything matches when she goes grocery shopping. Ridiculous.
Fortunately today it wasn’t so busy. That almost never happens. We got a table at the back and both ordered coke. Nick ordered a Cuban sandwich while I ordered steak.
While we waited for our food, we just stared at each other. I was trying to read into his expression, figure out what he was thinking, but with no luck. I was never good at reading into things.
“So how are you liking the rockstar life?”
“It’s pretty cool, actually. Not exactly what I expected.”
Nick smirked, “Did you expect tons of strippers and drugs and alcohol?”
“…Pretty much.”
“Well that’s not too far off for the boys. Obviously, I’m different. Sometimes I think that’s the only thing keeping the band together. I’m the only one smart enough to not get involved with that stuff. Plus, I’m in love. I don’t need anything else.”
Before I could say anything, the waiter came back with our food, setting them in front of us and asking if we needed anything else before heading off.
“It’s great that you’re not into that stuff… I’m proud.”
He laughed a little, taking a bite into his sandwich, “Thanks, but I used to be the same as them, you know. I’ve only been clear for… maybe 2 years. How about you? You ever gotten into drugs?”
“No. My ex did for some time, though. I never did.”
“That Louis guy?”
My eye started twitching. I hadn’t heard his name for so long… it brought back memories. Many long… painful memories that only fueled my homesickness.
“Yeah… he used to do a lot of bad things…”

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Before I knew it, they finished the album and we were going on tour again to promote it. The whole album, like Nick promised, was love songs. About either me, us or his feelings about me. Inside I knew I didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t talk him out of it.
A part of me wondered if Mom would buy the album. What would she think when she heard it? Would she know, somehow that that album was about her own daughter? What if she did? Would she be proud or jealous? Mad?
Nick would spend hours writing and re-writing the lyrics and music. “Just have to get it perfect. The perfect girl deserves only perfect things,” he’d say. He’d make me stand there with him and listen to each and every version of every song he wrote. Wouldn’t quit changing them until they were so beautiful they made me cry.
Each day that went by, I fell a little harder. He was intoxicating. He took over my every thought, every dream, every action. My heart beat a little faster when he was around.
But that broken part of me was growing more torn as time passed. I never wanted my mom so desperately in my entire life. My chest ached with the thought of her. I’d have flashbacks from my childhood. Watching movies while she played with my hair. Her teaching me to cook and bake.
I had to accept the fact that things had changed.
Some days were worse than others, spent taking long walks around the neighborhood reminiscing about old times. Nick knew not to bring up the subject, and to give me space when I was in a dark mood. Usually he could distract me though, with his tight hugs and passionate kisses. Every now and then, he’d buy me flowers or some kind of chocolate or stuffed animal, which all ended up on my dresser, adding on to the quickly growing collection.

Kansas City. I’d never been there before, but it was our first stop on the tour, so here we were. I kissed Nick tenderly before it was time for him to get on stage and do his thing. A small wave of nervous nausea went through me as the music began. This was the first time the fans would hear anything of the new album, and it was a lot different from their usual rock. This album was slower paced, and closer to electronic than rock.
He started out with a couple of my favorites, Chains, Fragile Dreams and I’d Die for You. The crowd seemed pleased, screaming and hollering and jumping all around.

As the music shifted into some of their older hits, I started pacing around backstage. I was alone back here and there wasn’t much to do. I came across a small book peeking out from Nick’s bag. It looked like an open journal. I tried to shove the thought from my mind and continue wandering around, but I was far too curious. I glanced around to make sure nobody else was there watching me.
I pulled out the journal, open right to a page with a drawing on it. It was two people on a bench under an old, dead tree, dark clouds in the background. There was fog surrounding them as well. They resembled me and Nick, but it was still just a rough draft. The girl had my long dark hair and was wearing a Contagious shirt, jeans and a black jacket. The man was wearing a solid black shirt plus jeans.
I flipped to the next page, which was just a bunch of different little pictures, ideas for the new album cover. One of chains on a floor making a heart, another of blood droplets on the ground making the words ‘I love you’. The following page was a list of cities. All the cities we’d be going to.
My heart caught in my throat when I saw just where we we’d be going to next.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

September, 2010. 6 months after Contagious concert in Tampa.

You should know the truth.
It wasn’t a lie… that I was kidnapped.
By the band…
I was afraid to try to leave…
Or to even tell anyone the truth…
I thought maybe they’d… try to… kill me.
I should’ve explained this to you.
You were right to leave.
You deserve better than me.
But...I think we should talk.
I need your help.
I love you, Louis… please understand.

“What are you doing?”
I quickly hit send and shut the laptop, “Just checking up on Mom.”
Nick wrapped his arms around me, yawning. His hair was messy and strands stuck up in places. He was wearing nothing but his underwear.
“Wanna come to bed with me? It’s two in the morning.”
I nodded and followed him back to the bedroom.
After some time, I decided I had to hear it from him. Just to be sure, “So where are we going next?”
He tensed beside me, as I knew he would. He had no idea that I already knew. He didn’t want me to know until the very last minute.
“Um… Florida.”
“Why didn’t you want me to know?”
“I can’t lose you…”
“You won’t…” I curled up closer against him, head on his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat and drifted into sleep.

We were alone, again in the bedroom. Bodies heating, hearts racing. We started pulling off each other’s clothes, but before we could do go further, the door slammed open and an infuriate Louis barged in. His eyes were bloodshot and fueled with anger and betrayal. He’d gotten much skinnier since I’d last seen him and his hair was a couple inches longer.
“I knew it! You freaking bitch!”
Nick charged him, pushing him into the wall and repeatedly punching his face. Louis took out a knife and shoved it into Nick’s side. Nick let him go and headed over to the dresser, clutching his bleeding side and rummaged through each drawer.
Louis came to me and grabbed me by the arm so tight it hurt, “You’re coming with me.”
But at once his blood sprayed all over me, and his body fell limp to the floor. Nick casually returned the gun to its drawer and held me.
“It’s over now. Just us and nobody else to ruin it.”
He returned to sucking on my neck but I was too numb and dead inside to feel anything but bitter hatred.

Chapter 16

Chapter 16
2 days later

“I’ll see you later, right? I’m taking you to dinner afterwards. I have a surprise for you.”
I smiled up at him and let him wrap his arms around me and kiss me. I returned it, much more passionately than ever before.
Once Nick left for the stage, I took his car keys, went out the side door and found the car. I popped open the trunk and grabbed a small blue backpack I’d put in while Nick was asleep. I closed the trunk and returned backstage.
I was finally leaving. Finally going home. I told myself I wouldn’t miss Him. Or any of them. They’d stolen me away from my family, beat me, raped me. I knew Nick would be hurt, if he actually cared like he said he did. Sometimes I was convinced he only did this to make up for kidnapping me.
I was breaking all my promises to Him, doing this. But it’s not like he hasn’t broken any either. I wanted… needed this. To go home where I belong. To be in Louis’s arms again and love him. Nick took him away from me. Took everyone I cared about away from me.
20 minutes into the concert, it was time. I took my bag and went down the side steps that led down to the crowd. At least it was dark so nobody would see me. But if even if it was bright, they’d all be paying their attention to Nick and the band anyways.
I ran into the frantic, screaming crowd and followed along the side wall, towards the fountain where we’d agreed to meet.

Fine. I’ll help you.
But only because I care about you.
I’ve looked up a map of this place.
I’m guessing he’ll keep you backstage?
Try to sneak out a side door or something.
Some way that won’t cause commotion.
There’s a fountain, a big on, near the entrance.
Meet me there.

I found it. There was a large statue of a dolphin spitting water into a large pool. Beside it stood an oddly familiar face. Except his hair was cut short and he was toned and muscular.
“Louis!” My heart pounded in my throat. I couldn’t believe he was actually here. I never thought I’d ever get the chance to be with him again.
I held my arms out for a hug, but he turned away, “Let’s get out of here.”
I followed, realization hitting me about which song Nick was singing hitting me as my heart fell a little.

♫ If you only saw yourself the way I see you ♫

“Axel, come on!” Louis shouted. I turned to take a last glance at Nick, but he was already looking right my way. We made eye contact. A thousand words, a thousand emotions seemed to pass through in that tiny little stare. He knew.

♫ You’d realize how much I truly love you ♫

He gave me the slightest nod of understanding, a nod that nobody but I would catch. He turned away.
That was his way of letting me go. Telling me it was alright. He understood what I had to do.

♫ But if we ever had to say goodbye
I’d let you go
happy with the thought
That you once belonged to me ♫

I turned and ran, following Louis to the entrance doors. We made our way out the lobby, ignoring the security guards’ warnings, “Go out and you won’t be able to come back in!”
We stepped into the outside. It was warm, but with a chilly breeze. The sky and clouds were several shades of pinks, purples and reds with the sunset. I took a deep breath. I was free. No more hiding. No more sneaking.
“Axel!” A pair of arms pulled me in and I was crushed against a body.
“Oh, my God, I missed you!” I felt her tears soak the shoulder of my shirt. Her voice was so soothing yet painful. It’d been far too long.
“I missed you too Mom…” I struggled not to cry.
Louis kept off to the side, watching us with folded arms. His eyes were cold, face emotionless. Did he even care? Did he care that was back? Did he care that I’d been kidnapped?
“Come on, guys. Got places to be.” He sighed, getting into the passenger side of the car.
Mom finally let me go, smiled at me and slipped into the driver’s seat. I took my place in the back. She started the car and we pulled away, out of the parking lot.
Just before it left my sight, I stole one last look behind us. The sign read, in big bold letters,

Contagious
Tonight at 7 o’clock!

Beside it was a picture of the band. Ben, Tanner and Stones with their arms folded, standing around Nick, who leaned against the wall behind him. His face looked tired and worn, hands shoved into the pockets of his black jeans.
Then it was gone. Forever.
I would never see these faces in person again. Never feel his embrace, nor his kiss. I would never see that beach house again. Would never spend another night in the bed of which he’d taken my virginity.
This was it.

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It was faint at first, but grew louder and louder until I recognized the voice. But now it was… different. There was more pain behind it, more secrets it held. Yet it was still melodic and beautiful.

♫ I watched the world fall before me
Every truth like shards of glass
Falling from the sky
Everyone was out for me
I knew it was the end

And through the fire and ash
There was you and only you
I was left alone to wonder
How could something so innocently beautiful
Cause so much grief and destruction? ♫

“I loved y-“

I blinked a few times, eyes trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. At first, I didn’t recognize my surroundings. But then the events of yesterday replayed themselves in my mind. I sighed, in half relief, and half of something I didn’t completely understand.
My room was still the same. Same blue blanket, same dresser, same window, same everything. Just with a thin layer of dust over everything.
I made my way to the computer and logged onto Facebook. Let’s see what Louis is up to. See if he wants to hang out.
But my heart fell as I read the first line in the news feed.


Louis Merrick went from single to In a Relationship with Kristine Lauren.

Kristine Lauren? The same girl that commented on his status about me so long ago, during my first week of captivity? Her profile pic was of her and Louis kissing. I sighed again and shut down the computer.

The next few days passed slowly. I woke up early, went to bed late. Mom took me shopping for new clothes, and I found myself constantly looking for Contagious shirts. I pretended to still hate the band, but always looked up their songs on Youtube when I was alone.
Louis sometimes said ‘hi’ or ‘what’s up’ but nothing more. He was spending more time with Kristine. He seemed happy with her. Always uploading pictures of them together, making statuses of all the things they did together.
I guess I was happy for him. He found someone better, like I always said he should.
Three days after coming home, I sat outside at 8 at night, watching the sky. The band would be catching their flight. To where, I didn’t know. Maybe everything was better that way. I belonged here. I was home. I should be happy.
So why did I feel so empty?
Only now, with tears rolling down my cheeks did I realize my mistake.

Everything happens for a reason. Even kidnapping.
And for me, that reason was for me to meet my soul mate.

I stood, grabbing my backpack once again. If this was what freedom felt like, I didn’t want it. In truth, the loneliness I felt now was even more painful and overwhelming than ever before. I really did love Nick. I needed him. But I’d just let him go, throw him away like trash.
He’d set up that concert in Florida to give me the chance. The chance for decision. To see if I really loved him. Otherwise, he’d let me go home without a fight.
I had to find him, no matter where he was. I hadn’t the faintest clue where to begin, but I had to do this. I belonged with Nick. He was my home now.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 24.03.2012

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