~Disclaimer~

 ~Side note~ Im well aware of ALL the spelling errors! I dont have the best keyboard in the world, (most likely from dropping my laptop 24/7) And, don't worry, I just type very fast and don't catch all the mistakes in time. sometimes I forget to check them. Please refrain from being a total douche like some people.(: Ive read stories with awful typing errors, but im smart enough to understand what they mean, and also kind enough to not point them out. So, take time to understand that not all people are the best typers and writers. I'm not doing this to be the best speller or anything, I love wrting and when you get really into writing, you can't help to make mistakes. Who knows, maybe, (doubt it) if this books ecome super popular, then I will focus on my "spelling errors", but for now, i'm writing because it helps with my anxiety. So, I further apologize for any spelling mistakes, and maybe give me some tips in writing. because, I am an 18 year old with no fucks majority of the time, and I can care less. Thank you for taking time to read this! Also, remember, don't be an asshole about books on here. People make mistakes. who said anyone was perfect, hmm? Anyways, thanks! I love you all who DO support this book, and maybe has the time to understand and read this part. Its not the best story, but At least its not twilght.(;
xoxo Destiny

prologue

When life gives you lemons, you expect everthing to go well, right? But people often forget that in orer to make lemonnade, you need water, sugar, and a whole lot of fucking lemons, No one every metioned that once I turned 18, that life would be shit. i probably should of already known that, considering I have a shit family. I often wonder , "what would my life be like if My parents wern't so self indulged in their work?" or "What if my sister wasnt so perferect?" or, "Why does your brother do so many drugs" You know? Maybe God was like "Oh fuck this one, lets make her have issues". Becuse God is  douche, and he totally hted my ass. But also, i'm glad my prents dont give a shit about me, or what I do. They work too hard to notice any of my issues. Thats Probably why they sent me to a therapist. Or its also why they make my stuid sister go with me everywhere. Maybe They just overly care and im just a selfish tenage girl that doesnt know what shes gonna do afer highschool. Does anyone ever know? cause I as sure dont, and people thing I know every dmn thing. But the truth is, I don't. I dont know why things happen the way they do. "Maybe it's "fate". Or just maybe, god id gonna throw me a loophole this year, nd not fuck me over like every fucking year. I have  strong sense that this is gonn be a great year. I hope. 

Crazy

 I cross my legs, and fold my hands over my knees, and stare blankly at the pastel wall. God, I hate coming to see Lissa. Shes my therapist, and a shitty one at that. I don't know how mny i've tried to change therapist, But my parents really like her for some reason. I think shes a cunt, and desnt know what shes talking about half the time. But what do i know, Im just a kid, as Lissa says. What does she know? Shes only seen me for about three years, maybe she does know a thing or two about me. I like to mess with Lissa before we talk. She gets really distracted and gets all angry with me. Her office is still gross though. I look around as i always do, and huff.
"Would you like some water, Violet?" The receptionist, Debra, asked me. I turn my heaad to her and sigh,
"No thanks, Debs, If I get water I'll spit it on Lissa." I smile slyly, and she rolled her eyes. She didn't like me very much. Maybe it's because I alwys made as much noise as I could to aggrivate her. today was a win.
Down the hallway, I heard the familiar heel sound, and I stood up. Pulling my bag over my shoulder and crossing my arms, and put a fake smile on. Lissa wlked in and smiled when she saw me. Today she had her brown hair in a messy bun, and wore a blacks tight suit, that, in my opinion, was too much. 
"Miss Violet." She said my name with annoyance and waved her hand so I could follow her. I sighed and dropped my hands to the side and looked at debrah. "bye Debbie"
Lissa's office was at the end of the hall. It seemed like an eternity to get there today. I passed by other rooms where people where talking with their own therapist. some crying, and other just sitting there not saying much. I lways felt bd for the ones tht cried. they seemed like they needed to be there more than me. Lissa stepped to the side of her door, and let me walk in first. i walked in, and sat on the little couch she had in the corner of her office. She shut the door behind her, and made her way to her chair. She didnt sy anything which meant today was gonna be one of those days where she would make me talk. Lissa has two sides. If she talks to be before I wlk in, she'll talk about herself. But if nothing is said, Its gonna be about me, which meant my parents said something, which also meant, I was gonn have to actually explain myself. And I hate doing that.
"is your office the only one with a couch, Lissa?" I asked, taking my bag off, and holding it close to me. She looked at me and sighed. "No, violet, you know this. How many times are you gonna ask me? Hmm..?" She looks at me, blankly. I shrugg and smile. "Its my ice breaker for us, you know that."
She laughs a but, "well, find a new one. But really, Violet, we need to talk about something. how are you feeling?" she opened up a file, and took the cap off her blue pen. Is sighed. Here we go.
"Uh, good, I guess. Nothing has really happened this week." i play with my hands and look at her.
She writes something down in the file. "Oky..so nothing bad this week? good thoughts?"
I roll my eyes, "Yeah, sure, "good thoughts." Lissa always has this thing where she just stares t me to see if im lying or some shit. She probably thinks I just dont wanna tlk or something. I think its true. Maybe. 
"Violet...you're taking your pills?" She asked, tapping her pen now.
I look down. "No. I stopped taking them, Liss, I don't need them. I don't neeed any of this. Like, why have I been here for three fucking years? Nothing is wrong with me. My parents are delusional." I say, defensively.
"You think that?" She asked, leaning now. I shrug. "Well yeah, Nothing bad hs ever really happened to me. Now my sister on the other hand, maybe she needs you. Not me. Im fucking dandy". I could feel my face getting hot. I hated my sister with a passion, and She could do no wrong. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
"Im not asking about your sister, Violet, Im asking about you. Your parents said that you didnt have the best childhood ever. I mean, they left you alone a lot, don't you think maybe thats why you ahve a hard time exressing your feelings? Do you ever wonder, "Why cant I make friends?"" 
I slumped down on the couch, and shrugged. "i dont know. I really fucking don't, and I can tell you that I express my "emotins" very fucking well. I don't need to talk to some shrink to know that shit, Okay?" Lissa stared at me, and nodded her head. "Fine, you do? tell me about you life as a kid? did your sister look after you? Did you hang out with your parents? what happened?"
I could feel my hart racing. I never talk about childhood to anyone. I know things happen. but I dont tlk about it. I never do. And I won't ever. So why start now?
"You know, Liss, I dont rememebr. I just know, we were left home alone a lot. My parents would come bck lord knows when and i would wake up to seeing them rush out the door in the morning with Mines, and Jades lunch sitting at the counter. Thats it" I say sternly and blow a piece of hair from my face. Lissa looks down at her file, nd sighs. "Okay violet, if thats all you can remeber. Ill leave it at that, okay?" She says, closing the file, and putting her pen down. I sniffle and look away from her. She knew That i was hiding stuff, stuff that I dont wanna rememeber. In these three years ive been here, never once have I said anythign about my childhood. we always talked bout school, and my famiy, and teenager things. we talked about my friends, and how i fit in t school. Why I was lways changing my hair, or why I was wearing the clothes I wore. Lissa didnt undertsnad me, really. she only wanted to know the bad things, and prescribe me more pills. maybe she thought I ws crazy. maybe I was crazy.
For the next hour we just talked back and forrth about different things. This is how it always goes. She writes her little notes, and i say bullshit answers. just things she wants to hear, not good things, but basic ass answers. Just to get her too shut up about certain things. I could feel my phone vibrate in the back of my pocket, and I wanted to just grab it and not pay attention to advice Liss was giving me. i'd rather be back at home, watching a movie. or some shit. Anything was better than listening to a middle age woman talking about nothing. And the sad part was, I would have to come bck in two weeks and do this all over again with her. That sucked. always.
I stood up, and streched my arms out. Lissa stood up as well and smiled. "Well Violet, I think today went very well. Thank you?" She says walking to the door. I picked my bag up and looked at her. "Yeah" I agreed. "but i need to go, I have hmoework to get to, ya know." i open the door and wave. she smiled and put a hand up, "See you in a couple weeks, hun. Bye" she closed the door behind me, and i stood in the hallway a bit and sighed some more. I walked doen the long hallway, taking long steps and looking at the pictured of the families hung up on the walls. paid pictures of little kids crying while their "parent" consoled them. It was all fake. Nothing rel about it. I passed by debrah desk, and smiled. "See you in two week, debbie. Ill be looking forward to it." I say, snickering a but under my breath. She looked up from typing and rolled her eye, ignoring my comment. I grabbed the keys from my purse, and hit the unlock button for my car and looked around. The warm air hit my thighs as i opened my door. "ugh" I say and climb in. the worst thinkg about still being at the end of summer was the heat. im more of a winter girl if i say so myself. I started my car up, and pulled out of the parking lot. Driving back home from this place was always relaxing. Just knowing that I didnt have to deal with Liss for another fourteen was soothing. She got on my nerves and i dont understand why my parents are still talking to her honestly. shes a dingbat. I looked at myself in my review mirror and pursed my lips. Would I ever be good enogh for anyone, i thought. Maybe not. maybe never. I didn't care. I shook the thought out of my head and focused on driving again. I heard my cellphone ring again from iniside my bad, and sighed angrily.When i cme to a red light, I uickly reched in my bag and pulled out my phone, unlocking it, it buzzed again. My moms face flashed across the screen. "ugh, fuck." I put it up to my ear and answered, "Hi mom" I say annoyed. 
"Violet, are you on your way home?" She asked. I could her her fingers typing away. I sughed. "Yeah, Im on my way now, why? I ask. i out the phone on speaker and sit it on my lap so i wasnt distracted. This is how people die. "Your father and me are going out. I out dinner in the oven for you and Jade whenever she gets home"
I made a face. "when Jade gets home? what do you mean. isnt she at college drinking or some shit?" I say. I could hear her huff annoyed. Bingo.
"No swearing, please. You give ma headache, Violet"
I scoff, "youre the one calling me," I make another turn  and get excited at the thought of being home and jsut jumoijng in my bed and falling asleep. Talking about your problems make you very tired. 
"Violet. Why is there an always issue with you? Hmm..Why cant you be like Jade. At least shes trying to do something. you should be more like her." She says. I roll my eyes. "yeah, Just fucking guys all the time seems fun, Mom. Ill ask her for some tips later." I laugh to myself.
"God Dammnit, Violet,, Listen to your mother. Please. Dont do anything." She pleaded.
I mocked her. "Yes mother. Bye" I hung up the phone and smirked. "what a bitch." I said outloud. I was more concerned to why the fuck jade was coming home early. School barrely started nd she already wanted to come back and be babied by our parents. If nything That bitch was fed with a silver spoon in her mouth. "little miss perfect" They always called her. All her teachers adored, her. Why? i didnt know. She was a manuipulating whore who always found a way out of things. Since weve been kids, we were always compared. Even my younger brother, Hunter was campared to her. Jade could do no wrong. Nothing t all. 
I pulled into my driveway, and shut my car off. I leaned back in my seat and mentally prepared myself for walking into my house. I didnt wanna get up. I grab my bag from the passenger seat, and get out my car, streching once again. I walk up the path, nd get to the door. I heard music from inside, coming from upstairs. rap music, to be exact. Hunter was already home. Great. That meant, him and his stupid little friends were over. I walked in, and strong odor hit me in my nose. I knew the smell all to well, and if i was anything like my parents, or Jade, I would freak out. But since it was just me, I thought i'd b nice and give ilttle hunter a warning. I hung my bag up on the rack, and walked up the stairs. The smell of skunk grew stronger and I scrunched up my face, and opened Hnuter door, and a cloud of smoke hit me. 
"what the fuck, Hunter!" I excalimed and coughed "Ugh" I say again, waving my hand. His friends, and him turned towards me and laughed. Hunter set his pipe down and coughed. "He sis. your home early. want a hit?"
I make a nasty face. "Jade is on her way, you know she'll say something.' I say. His friend looked me up and down. 
"Aw fuck man. c'mon you guys. air it out." he says, putting the pipe in his drawer, and waving his hands around. His friend just laughed. "Yo hunter, you gotta open the window, man."
"man im trying" he says, struggling to open the window. i rolled my eyes, and walked over next to him, and pushed him out my way. I swiftly opened the window with no force, and Hunter just laughed in amazment. "You guys are idiots. Now hurry up." i say walking out and closing the door behind me. all they did was laugh. I sighed, and walked back down the steps. I walked into the kitchen and looked around in the cabinets. Nothing. Does anyone ever buy foood in this house? i groaned and went to the fridge and opened that uo to see f there was anything good. I bent over a little bit and pushed some food around. 
"Well thats a great view?" Someone said behind me.
I gasped and jumped up. It was Hunters friend, Ronnie.
"What the fuck are you doing down here. shouldnt you be up there, with the idiots?" i asked him, and resumed to looking in the fridge. i found an unopened tub of yougurt, and smiled.
"Well yeah, but you know that isnt my thing" He says, as i Shut the fridge door, walk over to one of the drawers, and grab a spoon. "Then why do you hang out with him? Hm?".
He shrugs. Ronnie took off his black beanie, revealing his short brown hair that he was always pushing out of his eyes. I took a spoonful of yogurt and rolled my eyes, He leaned agasit the counter and smiled at me.
"You're creepin me out." I say, and stand up, grabbing my yougurt. "How about, you go help him air out that room. its stinks of weed" i say walking past him. He hit his hat agaist the counter and stuck his tounge out. I laughed and walked down into the basement where my santaury was.
Why was my room int he basement? Because, Jades room was upstairs across from hunters, and she dodnt want know one to use it, ad Hunter doesnt like not having windows, for reasons of course. But me, i figured I could change this into a great room for me. I had tons of space and my dad has his contracting buddies come help me make it into whatever I wanted it too. It was one big room, and I had them install another door, so that way no one could come in and other me. I took another spoonful of yogurt and plopped down on my bed. I sighed as I grabbed my computer and turned it on. I typed in my password effortlessly and continued eating. I set my phone next to me, and looked at it. the black screen didnt turn on or anything. I always expected texts from someone after i got done with my sessions, it never happened. Not many people text me, if you cant tell yet. I pushed my hr from my face, and sat up. The only fun thing to do was watch Netflix, and that was always fun. It was my own account, and i didnt have to share it with anyone. I smiled, and i scrolled throuh endless movies. My favorites were the really stpid ones that had no meanings. like scary movies that you can tell they were oviously on like, a twenty dollar budget. those were my kind of movies. I put my headphones on, and picked a movie and leaned agaist my headboard. I could feel Hunter and his friends walking down across the floor upstairs nd ignored it. Hopefully they aired that shot out from his room. I dont feel like hearing Jade tonight bitch about everythig. that would be one more thing I had to hear from her. Cloverfield was by far the best horror mvoie ever. I set my empty cartoon of yogurt next to me, and cuddled up with one of my pillows. I saw my phone flicker from the corner of my eye. Someone was calling me. I paused the movie and took of my earbuds out. 
"hello?" I asked, unpausing the movie and listening to it in my other ear.
"oh my god, Vi, finally, Someone picks up."
I roll my eyes when i reconized the voice. "What Jade. whats the matter?"
"whats the matter? Um, I've been knocking on this door for twenty minutes and no one answers. I know I saw hunter and his little ass friends walking around, and they continued to ignore me. I swear, I cant stand him!"
I could feel my eyes start to glaze over. "well, Jade, why didnt you call before you got here? Huh?" i asked her. She got quiet and I could hear her sigh. "I thought you all would be waiting for me. I guess not. Now come over the door before I call mom?" she theatened.
"i rolled my eyes again. "ooh No not mom. shes gonna be so mad at me" I say mocking her voice. I hung up the phone before she could say anything else and got off my bed quickly. I ran across my room and up the stairs. "Hunter!" i yelled at him. nothing was siad back. "Ugh!" I run over to our front door, and open it. Jade was standing there with her arms crossed. she was glaring at me.
"hey...Jade" i say forcing a smile. She made a disgusted noise and pushed me asise. "Its great your here" i say to her as she walks through the kitchen. She put the middle finger up and me, and continued up the stairs. I looked at the ground then back up. I closed the door and sighed. I locked the door, and made my way through the kicthen when I heard a scream.
"Oh my god! Hunter!!!!" I hear jade scream. I groan and walk over to the stairs.
"whats wrong now?" I yell from the bottom. Obviously hunter did not air anything. In fact, the smell was stronger. 
"come here!" She yelled back down. I groan again and walk up the staires. "What the fuck, man" i say to myself. She stood outside her door, and i could see her chest rising. "Looks what they did to my room!"
I moved past her and stood in the oorway of her room. "Oh my god" i whispered. Hunter and his friends decided to throw all there weed stuff in there. the had endless amount of bongs, and pipes everywhere. Her room reeked of the stuff. They had tobacco stuff all over her floor, and her bed where they were jjust dumping their stuff on. "Oh fuck" i say trying not to laugh. I turned back to her. 
"You think this is funny? Huh? I'm gonna tear his ass in half!" She storms back down the staires and i follow after her. "Jade stop, what did you expect from Hunter?!" i say as she continus to look around the house.
"Where is he? Where is that little fucker! I dont need to come home for this shit!" She yells and shes looking around angrily. I leaned against the door frame. "he sint here. He probably went over to Rory's house, i think"
"Fuckin Rory." She says under her breath. I cross my arm, and make my way to the basment. "Have fun finsinf them I say, Oh, and welcome back, jade" I smile and run back down the stair into my little cave, where I hoped to remain there for the rest of the night. Alone.

 

 

 

 

Pity party

 "So, Jade...hows school..? We havent heard anything from you in a while" My mom say, while taking a sip of her wine. Jade set dow her fork, and wiped her mouth. "Its gong great mom, my soriety is amazing! I mean, we do these great study group things and focus on house we can make our house better" she says smug. I scoff and roll my eyes. Jade shot me a dirty look. "Do you have something t say?" She asks me.
I smile and look at her sweetly. "Nothing at all."
She went back to bragging about how great college life is. both my parents shook there head inamazment as if they were really lisenting to what she was saying. Hunter was busy eating his steak and potatoes lke a savage. i was just picking at my food, bored.
"You know what Jade, Lets throw a party for you!" My mom says, obvoulsy tipsy. "you can invite anyone,and everyone!"
I look at my dad who was pursing his lips. "you think thats a good idea, jan?"
"Uh yeah! Look we dont have to be here, me and your father can go out. jade deserves this, shes been doing so good in college and stuff. she needs a break!"
I look at jade and her face lit up. "Mom! that is a great idea, im so stressed about everything. that would be lovely, honestly." she smiled at her. I made a grossed out face. Jade was the definition of a compulsive liar. I could right through her face that something was up. I stared at her and took a sip of my water. She glared back at me.
Do you have something to say, Violet? Hmm?" She asks, snobily. I set my glass down with a hard clink and smile fakely."No..Jade, I dont have anything to say to you."
She smiles and goes back to talking about school to our parents. Hunter got up and threw his plate in the sink. He looked back at me and smirked. 
"Well, jade, I have a big day tomorrow at the office, daddy needs sleep" He says to her. "Violet, goodnight" he says with a smile. My mom tapped her french tipped nails agaist her glass and looked down. "Ill be up soon" she says after him. He nods and walks off, leaving his plate at the table. The tension in the ar felt thick. jade just stared at her plate and smiled. "So mom, about this..party"

                                                                              ~~~

i walked into Lena's Bistro, while tying my apron around my waist. i glanced up at the clock. "Fuck" i said to myself. I made my way behind the counter an clocked myself in. I sihed with relief, and wiped my forehead. I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I look at the ceiling and turn around to see gregory tapping his foot at me. I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me before I could speak.
"This is your third time being late, Violet." he says. 
"I know..I know..I didnt hear my alarm today, and my sister just came home from college and is driving me freakin crazy." i say, looking up at him. He crossed his arms and sighed. 
"Fine, you're off the hook agian, but Casey is getting angry, dont piss her off today, Or..try not to." he says, smiling warily. I nodded. "Thanks." I turn back around to the counter, and sigh. Lena's bistro was this small little cafe that belonged to greg's sister. She passed a while ago, and she gave this to him as a gift. I never met her, bbut I heard she was really funny. before i starting working here, it was filled all the time with people, but now only college kids, and "bloggers" come in here to eat. they only order a coffee and sit at a little table and work on their computers or something. I loved working here. greg was a sweetheart, and casey was a loveable control freak. we grew close a couple months ago when we bonded over our love of various bands. 
"Hey, you're finally here, Violet." She said, her small footsteps coming from ehind me. She was carrying a bunch of carboard boxes. "Ah, let me help you." I says grabbing half her stack. "thank you hunny, Greg wouldnt help, and he's been bothering me about these damn boxes for the carriers" She chuckles and sets them next to me. "You mind setting them up and getting them ready to go? I would love you forever" 
"Uh yeah, sure. i dont mind." i take one of the boxes and open it. Casey fluttered through the dining room and start setting down the chairs. 'you know," she says to me, bringing one of the chairs down. "greg is thinking about selling the place"
"I look up from stacking the boxes and roll my eyes. "As if he would do that. He loves this place."
Caasey shrugs and holds on to one othe chair legs. "I think he's tired of it honestly. I'm not surprised, we get assholes for customers. and they dont even tip good." 
I look at her and she continues taking the last but of the chairs down. i finish stacking the boxes and place them below me on the shelf. i sigh and walk over to the door and flip the "close" sign to "open". "Looks, Lets ont think about him selling the place." she says and walks over to me. "lets jit be happy that we're here until its over" she  pats my arm and disapeers to the back. I smile to myself and walk back to the counter. 
Throught the day we get several customers, and our normal customers who usually chat with either me or casey and brings us tips. I swiftly bend down, and pick up some more cups and pop ack up to see some one standing in front of the counter. i gasp a bit and drop the cups. A guy who was wearing a black shirt with a blue hoodie over it smiled at me. "Im sorry, i didn't mean to scrae you" he says. I stumble on my words a bit and bend back down to pick up the cups. i set them on the counter and look back up to him, adn smiles. "h, yeah, its okay, im just a clutz sometimes." i push back a piece of hair and tuck it behind my ear. He smiles yet again. "So, what would you like today, sir." i say, smiling ack. He looked up at the menu and then back to me. His light brown eyes strared deep into mines as if he was trying to tell me something. I bot my bottom lip and waited for his answer.
"Um, i'll just take a coffee, with a hole lot ofmilk. Hold the coffee" he says. i laugh a bit. "so basically just milk? i ask him and he laughs at the ground. "Uh yeah. I guess so. Or..what would you reccomend?"
I looked behind me, and shrugged. "Um we have some great cinnamon rolls. there freshly aked every morning"
He nodded his head. "I'll take one of those then, uh, Violet"
I smile and ring him up for a milk and a cinnamon roll. "I'll be 5.17" I say. H reaches in his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. he hand me a ten. "Keep the change" He says smiling back at me.
"I put the ten in my drawer and close it. "thank you." i say, grabbing a plate from behind me, and reaching under our glass case and pulling out a cinnamon rol, and set it on the plate. I hand it to him along with a small cup of milk. he takes it, and raises his glass to me and sits at one of the booths. I bite the inside of my cheek and smile to myself.  
"well that was a trainwreck to watch" Casey sad from next to me. she twisted her long blonde ponytail from between her fingers. I scoffed. "Fuck off" 
She laughs and walks away, dealing with one of her own customers. I grabed a towel from behind me and start wiping down my counter top and wait effortly for my shift to be over.
"Hey casey." I ask. she lokos up at me. "You mind watching my register? I have to pee so badly" 
"Oh yeah, sure go." She smiles at me sweetly. I look at the booths and notice that guy is still there. He was typing away at his computer and concetrating hard. I smiled and stalked off to the bathroom. We only had one unisex bathroom, which was kinda sad to me. 

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.02.2016

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To anyone who cares. meh. Especially cats. all the cats everywhere.