Prologue

I stood up at the podium, my back turned to the audience, my front facing the authorities. I took a deep               breathe  as I look into their eyes. My wife wanted me to make notes but I had decided to speak from within my heart. For words on a peice of paper would not, could not, express how I was feeling this very moment.

"Today, I would like to speak about my son. No, my daughter. You see, she was a very bright child. Always making others smile and laugh, helping around the house. But when she was a he, I pressured "him" into sports and weight lifting when he turned thirteen. I never realized how much I was hurting him. Not physically but mentally. I should have acknowlegde my son wanting to become my daughter but it was because of my ignorance, fear, and not learning more about transgenders. Just months ago, almost a year, my fifteen year old son, hung himself from a leash he used to walk his dog who died just a few weeks back. My daughter was beautiful, nice, intelligant, and above all, a friend. But school was no help, she had been neglected, bullied, abused, called names, tortured, raped, but also trapped. She has been trapped since day one. My only regret is that, I was never there, I was never there when she needed me. Because of me, my daughter is dead. So people, think, think before you say anything you might regret. For there are worst things than death." I said, tears threating to fall but they didn't. My wife shed the tears for me.

Everyone at the court room stood up and applauded, some were crying, some were whistling. I rolled my eyesup and I knew, my son, was listening, watching, smiling.

***

I return home and went straight up to take a shower and head to bed, not wanting to eat dinner tonight. As I lay on my bed, I began to reminense the moments when my daughter was alive. A single tear fell from my eye.

Chapter 1

Robert's POV

 

I woke up at the sound of my alarm going on. Blindly searching for the button, I slam my hand down on it before getting up from the bed with a low groan. It was only a week before my son's fourth birthday.

Already, before he even began to walk or talk. My son, Julian, was acting strange. He never wanted to play with his legos or toy cars like his older brother Tom. He rather hang out with his sister Melody and her dolls. I used to say to myself, if this was puberty at child age, I don't think I could handle raging hormones at teenage age.

I hear the raging screams of my two children, my daughter crying as she watched in horror, the small tantrum fight my two sons were having.

Being the father I am, I came between the two and lifted Melody into my strong arms giving my sons a good scold while my wife gave the two heart-warming lectures about being nice to one another.

"Unlike some people." I hear my wife call out to me, the back of my neck and cheeks flushing red as I set my little girl down. I never noticed the glare my middle son sent to his sister, to me.

*** 

We were all preparing for Julian's fourth birthday. He skipped downstairs in the most dandy of ways, wearing my wife's pearls, necklace and bracelet, and my daughter's tutu and his most feminine t-shirt.

I mentally shook his head as I continue to prepare my son's favorite breakfast. My wife on the other hand, laughed at my son's imagination, I admit, it was silly.

"Daddy! Can we have a slip 'n slide party please?!" My son pleaded, jumpping up and down with his hands held tightly together.

I look at my wife who was smiling and nodded. I turned the heat off and knelt down to level my son. I place a hand on him.

"Yes, yes we can my son." I said recieving a squeal and a hug from him. I hugged back as he practically ran upstairs and into his room.

"No running in the house Julie." My wife cried out with a huge smile.

***

The party, as I saw from where I was sitting was a hit. My children were having fun. Though the begining was a total battle. My Julian fought and fought with his swim suit until my wife told him she could wear her diamond necklace when they had cake. That calmed him.

"Say, Rob, didn't you notice anything diffrent about Julian. He always seems to be so drawn towards the feminine things." My brother, Nathan said taking a sip of beer just for us adults.

The kids were given either soda or punch as beverages. My eldest wanted a taste but soon came to realize he hated the taste and stated he will never drink that stuff again. I chuckled at the thought.

I nodded my head and downed the last portion of my beer before throwing it away. "I have to agree with you. I don't know what's in that boy's mind. It's just a phase."

***

Already my son was five and being more and more female. Like his mother, his sister. Melody was now walking and my other son was going into third grade.

Tom was very smart for his age, my daughter was becoming more like her mother in her younger years singing. As for Julian, he wasn't as smart as Tom nor talented as Melody. I think it made him depressed.

We decided to help Julian find his early age potential but we were unsucessful. When he was going so good, he messed up and cried about it or simply walked away. No one knew what was going on with Julian but people suggested medication.

I said no to that.

"Daddy! Julian won't play with me!" Melody cried out, sobbing a bit as she threw herself into my arms.

I wiped her tears away as Julian came down, both guilt and boredom on his face as he stood in front of me and his sister.

"I just don't feel like it today ok sissy?" Julian said before returning upstairs into his room. 

 

***

Julian's POV

 

I looked at my reflection in the mirror with pure disgust. This wasn't me. This wasn't mine. No, I had switched with someone. I am a mistake.

I couldn't help but feel jealous of my little sister, she was everything I wanted to be and more. I wanted to be just like my mother when I'm older.

Beautiful, smart, kind, caring, and above all, a woman through and through.

I called my mom wanting to take a bubble bath before I got myself dressed and into bed. I still slept with a nightlight for I had nightmares about what will happen when I grow up.

But I soon came to realize that I've been having nightmares, and was living with them. I knew who I was, but I still need to be certain.

Maybe my dad was right, it could be just, what he called it, a phase. But the more and more I thought about that word the more I shutter. I knew who I was, no need to double check anymore.

I am a girl...

Chapter 2

Julian's POV

Already I was six and reading. Yes, I had found a passion. I love to read. Anything really just as long as there either interesting or had pictures. I would read to my family and to my little sister until she fell asleep.

The night was the only time I can be myself, no one would understand, no one would be willing to understand. I get dressed in my sister's clothes fake jewels, and sparking play makeup and stare at myself in the mirror for hours, mesmerized by my own beauty.

I had thought long and hard for a name until I came up with one, Diana. The Roman goddess of the moon. It was both beautiful and it sounded me.

***

I woke up the next day, bright and early. Well the smell of my mom's pancakes woke me up not the sunshine. I look at my clock which was covered in flower stickers and barbies.

It was the weekend, no school!

I got myself dressed, teeth brushed and hair combed. I look down at my clothes and frowned sadly. I look wrong, I look like a true freak.

We were going to the beach today and Tom wanted to teach me how to ride a bike without extra wheels. I was scared until tom pulled me into a tight hug saying I would be just fine.

"So kiddos, you all ready?" My dad called out, placing the umbrella in the back and my mom placed the picnic basket in with it.

We all cried out "yes" and ran to the car, with our backpacks on each of our backs.

As soon as everyone got in the car, dad started up the car and drove off, away from home. I look out the window and up at the sky, wondering if I'll ever be free. 

 

***

Rober's POV

 

I notice my son Julian looking out the window. his eyes were distant, as if he was doing some deep thinking. I shook his head mentally. The boy's so young, what could he possibly be thinking that'll send him into a deep thought.

"Honey, do you think we need to see a doctor about Julie? He seems so distant." My wife said, low enough so the children wouldn't wake up from thier nap.

Tom on the other hadn was too busy playing on his Ninetendo to listen.

"I-I don't know honey, maybe. But let us wait, if it goes too far from us, then we'll talk about going and seeing a doctor." I replied stepping on the brakes when the red light hit.

***

 

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.05.2013

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To all LGBTs out there