Brief Intro
Crush is one of the most beautiful emotion, we all have been familiar and have experience at some stage of our life. We all have crush on someone at some point of our life.
Crush is a beautiful story which remains unfold forever. A chase which never ends but still we all love it. A stranger who knocks at the door of your heart silently and before you realize they become permanent resident. Your adrenaline level rises and your eyes spark whenever you see your crush. Beauty about having a crush is that the person who rules your heart doesn't even have slight clue about this. The same person can make your day when she/he is around, and the same person can ruin your day if you cannot see them. And believe me all this happens for a person who is not even a part of your real life. That's the charisma of crush.
Why we have crush on someone? Well…. that’s difficult to answer to be honest, It is a complex mechanism and though there are several theories and psychological reason behind it, but I am not going into those details. Whatever may the research say, but one of the strong reasons is crush happens when you cross path with someone who share the same positive vibes as you. Somewhere i have read that it has also something to do with sensory stimulation of the olfactory membrane, subconsciously our body release odour to find the potential mate which has the traits and genetic compatibility, when our body identifies that potential partner, it release a signal which we can also termed as crush. Henceforth, crush is just not about eyes and touch but chemical amalgamation as well. Scientifically when we have crush on someone a chemical known as dopamine is released in our body which give us the most delightful human experience and hits the brain on the point known as “Pleasure Centre”. When this reaction happens in our body, we experience pure bliss and ecstasy.
Though you may get attracted to many people throughout your life, crush does not happen every now and then. Attraction is more related with appearance and can be more frequent, but crush is more about the vibes and biological reactions that’s why most of our crush encounter happens during the puberty period. Crush mostly strikes at the teenager age and there are no set of rules to have crush on anyone, it’s purely the instinct game. You can have crush on any person you know or even with a stranger of any age. Some have crush on their friend, some on friend's girlfriend, some have crush on teacher, your batch mates, or anyone from your neighborhood or with a unknown traveler whom you met while on your bus or train journey. It doesn't matter if you are going to see that person again or not, but that moment is vividly capture in your heart forever. Though you move on after that, but the image remains with you forever, if not, then it’s not crush but something else. Research says less than 0.1% of crush turns into relationship and if this happens then what we called is "Made for each other”, this kind of relationship is a true blessing.
So that was a brief introduction on crush and now let’s scroll down further to witness a heart touching journey through Rishabh's story.
My First Crush Encounter
It was the month of June, the season of rain; Dehradun is one of the cities which receives heavy rainfall. Romance without rainfall is not complete even in Movies and Novels, kids enjoy playing football but playing football in the mud during rainy season is just awesome. Rain has great connection with our emotions...when we are in love we dance in rain, when we are happy, we enjoy rain and when we are sad, we just embrace rain and cry. Now you must be wondering why i am talking so much about "Rain". Because here in this story too rain has an important role to play. So, without waiting any further here it goes…
I wiped the cab window to look outside while getting ready to get down and it’s raining like crazy. I was on the way to submit my documents for college admission. Being the last day for submission, I was in rush, holding my bag I open the door and got down from the cab near the college gate. I saw a security guard in raincoat standing by. I came near him holding my umbrella and asked where is the admin dept, while still talking to him, I felt someone passing by, I don’t know how and why but it made me curious to turn back and see, the moment I turned, I saw a young simple girl with open long hair wearing light green petals printed salwar kurta and a somewhat matching color umbrella crossing me very closely towards the entrance gate. With one hand she was holding the umbrella and with the other hand a blue color folder wrapped around her upper body , though her face was not clearly visible because of the umbrella but the moment she crossed me, instantly something happened, the positive vibe which I felt at the moment for few seconds was immense. She just crossed me without bothering and walked ahead towards the campus building, I was still standing there and watching her go. For few seconds I completely lost my sense, however, the security guard’s loud voice brought me back from fantasy. Quickly, I cut short my dialog with him and increase my pace and marched ahead towards the building. I was curious to see her face before she gets vanished in the campus.
As soon I enter the building, luckily, I saw her standing near the staircase, jerking and drying her wet green dupatta. She was engrossed in her own act and didn’t even notice my presence. I quietly stood on the other side and pretended to look outside. In between I frequently sneak peek her top to bottom. The battering sound of the rain outside complemented the scene beautifully and I was witnessing one of the most spectacular view. I thought couple of times, should go and start conversation with her but could not grasp the courage enough and soon she left from there. This short-lived moment for few minutes literally took my breath away, I felt eternal bliss and I was smiling without any reason. Somehow, I got my sense back and realized what I was here for. So, I rush to the admin department and completed all my admission formalities. While coming out from admin room I desperately search for her once again around the campus, but she was nowhere. I waited for some time and then finally left the campus without meeting her again. At that tender age I could not understand what i was going through, but I felt very happy from deep inside.
Once I reached home, I was completely lost in her thoughts the flashback of the scene started revolving around my eyes. When you have crush on someone, your imagination can reach to any level. I started daydreaming about her that she will be my batchmate, we will be best of buddies, will have coffee together in the cafeteria and many more things, these thought literally made me blush but in reality, I was not even sure, who she was? whether she is a student, come for admission or she was there for something else. I literally knew nothing about her but there was a hope somewhere that i will see her again.... that’s the gut feeling you get when you have crush on someone.
Finally, the long wait was over, and a month later college started. I was very excited about my first day in college, I enter the college and desperately started looking for her but I could not find her anywhere not in class nor in the campus, this made me sad and all the excitement and spark got vanished in jiffy. Days passed, weeks passed, we got back to normal life, made some amazing new friends, loved watching beautiful girls in our class and around campus too. Everything went back to normal but somewhere I felt something was missing and this way days kept on passing by. Then suddenly one day, an unexpected thing happened, while we were having our economics lecture in a engross atmosphere... there was knock at the door and this distracted the intense mood of the classroom.
"Excuse me" a soft voice echoed in the classroom and broke the silence. We simultaneously turned back to see who the culprit was? And then, the magic happened. I don’t know about others but there was something special for me, the view outside sparked my eyes and my face expression changed by reflexes. I saw a familiar face in the familiar dress...same petal green salwar suit girl standing at the door. She was looking stunning.
"May i come in Sir? I am a late joinee in this batch and today is my first day". She said as she entered the class. Our eyes glued at her and our body freeze as she walked inside and sat in the front row.
My heart deep inside shouted “Oh My God" it’s her, unbelievable, I was on cloud nine. Just her presence in the classroom changed my entire mood, suddenly the dull and monotonous college life became vibrant and cheerful. This was an era when internet and emails were not popular. Smartphones, Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp were not even invented. Connecting with people during those times was not as easy as its today, wish we were lucky too like today’s generation. But unfortunately, you were on mercy of time, you have to wait for the morning and need to be at the same place to see your crush again. College was the only place i could see my crush. I started attending classes every day. I used to reach college early and wait at the main gate to get a view of her and stealthily I followed her towards the classroom, this had become a daily affair for me. She was least aware about this nasty habit of mine…at least I hope so. Lately I have also observed, she was a bit introvert kind of person same like me. After classes she vanished and didn’t used to hang around much with anyone. We never exchanged any words for weeks, till this special moment happened one day.
First day of the week, after our last period at 4 pm , we were coming out of the building and suddenly it started raining heavily, I took my umbrella out from my bag and headed towards the gate, but to my surprise i saw her standing near the same staircase where I had seen her for the first time. She was looking outside desperately as if her eyes were pleading for the rain to stop but whether it was her bad luck or good luck for me, rain god was in no mood to stop. I intentionally stood near her and opened my umbrella and was about to step outside, and the voice came from back “Excuse me, are you going towards the taxi stand?” My heart just skipped beating the moment I heard her voice. I was so nervous that I even forget to look back. She again asked me with a little louder voice. “Hello, excuse me” , this time I turned back and looked at her, and said “Yes” in crisp trying to be poised. The next moment she came near me, I was shivering from inside, my heart started beating faster. Somehow i control my breath and gave a short smile, she reciprocated with smile too and asked “If you don’t mind, can I come along with you till the taxi stand….Pleaseeeeeeee”.
The please was stretched in a such a way that no guy in the earth could say no to her. “ Oh sure, why not”. Prompt was my response. The very next moment she came very close to me, I could smell the fragrance of her body. This moment was still like a dream come true to me. I opened my umbrella, and we both headed outside towards the main gate. We were walking very close to each other, though she made her best effort that our bodies did not touch. We kept walking few steps in silence and passed the campus gate, and few steps further, all of a sudden there was loud thunder noise and she grabbed my wrist very tight with her soft hand in reflexes. This was one special moment that melted my heart and I was submerged in deep paradise feeling, those few seconds were beyond explanation, as how I felt. Even after years, I can still feel the freshness of her touch. We were freezed in exact position for few second and then I guess she realized what she was doing, she felt a bit awkward and removed her hand very next moment, we both were blushing, her cheeks became pink with the infusion of blood. We both started looking to opposite direction, to ease this discomfort situation, she started the conversation.
“Hey thanks a lot…. I am Neha from Meerut and you?”
“Rishabh, i am a localite ” I replied in short. She responded with a smile and we kept walking silently again.
After covering few distance, she again started the conversation,
“I have seen you in the class, do you always remain so quiet? hope you are okay?” She asked very politely.
“Yes, I am fine." I replied in crisp and we kept walking. I least expected this line from her. Ahhh.. so she has noticed me in the class, butterfly started rolling around my stomach when i realized that.
"Even you are not saying anything.” I continued after a pause, we both looked at each other and exchanged smiles again.
"Yes true." She replied in quick and there was awkward silence followed again between us and just the rain was doing the talking. She being so close to me and the rhythmic sound of the rain, was making the atmosphere more romantic.
While i was lost in my own world, suddenly her voice echoed in my ear and brought me back again.
“Ahhh …Actually, I was a bit hesitant to ask you for help, but it was getting late as well, and I need to reach my PG as soon as possible. I was wondering, what you might be thinking about this.”
"Hey, don't be so formal... it’s okay. We are classmates after all." I tried to make her feel comfortable.
"Yeah ...thanks." She said while taking her hand out from the umbrella to enjoy the rain droplets. This little gesture of her amused me. I started wondering, the real Neha is so different from the one we see in college.
Also, while walking I notice our pace suddenly became very slow and now people who were behind were quickly overtaking us. Ideally in such scenario we should have rush, but this was not the case. I don’t why, may be because of the rain or it might be we both started enjoying each other’s company and wanted this to last a little longer. The other thing I observed was whenever our eyes met, we smiled spontaneously, so our body language was in sync too.
She looked at the sky and continued her conversation “ I don’t think this rain is in mood to stop anytime soon.”
“Its peak rainy season, what else can you expect”, I responded straight, while i was still lost in my own thought.
“Are you being sarcastic?” She said with a stiff tone.
I gauge her tone and undertsood may be she didn't like the way i replied to her. I immediately tried to cover the damage. “ No no, not at all, I didn’t mean that way”. I fumbled while trying to appease her.
“Okay Okay calm down.... take it easy”. She chuckled and that eased my tension. I don't know what was happening to me, why suddenly I was reacting so stupid, i was literally getting over conscious.
She looked at me and further continued, “I have become so half minded, I forgot to carry my umbrella, during rainy season who does that…you tell me?”
I smiled and responded “True”, she again gave a dread look but before she could say anything and react. I promptly changed the conversation in her favor. I continued, “No that’s true…I mean this can happen with anyone, we all do that at some point of time, its normal to forget things sometimes, so don’t feel pity on yourself.” I closed my sentence with a smile to bridge the gap for any contradiction.
With these casual conversation we were opening slowly, and I observed the hesitation barrier between us was reducing and now she was very close to me, and sometimes her body touched mine too while walking but this time she was not much bothered. Her body language changed and seemed more comfortable now. I never knew, she speaks so much, I have hardly seen her hanging around with any gang or laughing loud but she was completely a different person now. In between all these, I thank god several times from my heart while we were still walking, occasionally I used sneak peek her too. She was simple yet looked gorgeous with very minimum makeup, in fact no makeup I would say. She was wearing peach color salwar kurta and matching earing, bindi and lipstick shades, her color matching sense was great, and she carried it were elegantly. Her open hair which sometime would come in front of her face due to heavy wind complimented her looks perfectly and then softly she would put it back by the side of her ear while still talking to me. This action of her would give me some more buffer time to gaze her. I noticed some of her hair strands on the side were slightly wet and small droplets were gently travelling all through her soft cheeks and then splashing on her neck, this made her look even more beautiful and the mood sensuous. At this moment she was no less than an angel who was accompanying me in the rain. The vibes I was getting from her was simply beyond words. We kept on moving and soon reached the taxi stand, I got her near the taxi and then she opened the back-seat door and went inside.
“Aren’t you coming?” She enquired.
I said no, I will go little late, need to meet my friends in the canteen, l purposefully lied her because I was hell nervous to go along with her in the cab.
“ Are you sure?” She asked again.
“Yeah” I said while my legs started fumbling. This was already too much for me in a single day and couldn't handle it anymore, what if I started behaving stupid in front of her in the cab. Its better to let her go. There was a inner voice commanding me to do so.
“Bye Rishabh and thanks a lot,” she said while pulling the door to close.
“Byeeee” I responded in crisp, I felt that I was getting impatient, my heart even kept on urging that I should go with her, but i was so nervous i could not mustered the courage to do so. So I was just waiving my hand foolishly while waiting for the cab to leave.
“See you tomorrow in the class and thanks a lot once again”. She said and smiled. In just 5-10 mins we get along so well that i never felt like this was our first meeting.
“Yes sure… you take care”. I said and kept waiving my hands. We both continued exchanging greetings through our eyes while the car engine was igniting, the driver moved the steering and slowly pressed the acceleretor and the car drove towards the main road. For the last time our eyes met, and this time i could clearly see the spark in her eyes, this last moment before parting was very very special, it just melt my heart. My eyes were a bit moisten, and I felt the urge to stop the cab immediately, rush ahead and hug her tight in my arms. But stopped the very next step. Wish i could do so but again i knew that was a far distant dream, so I just stood there quiet, watching till the cab disappeared from my view.
Post that I went to the nearby pan shop and lighted one cigarette took a large puff and as soon the nicotine got inside me, I felt a bit relax. I was smiling and releasing the smoke in the air, I still could not believe this happened with me. It was one of the most memorable day of my life. Wait was really painful but sweet as well that night. I went to my bed early with hope that I will fall asleep but to contrary night seemed long, I was feeling restless and could not sleep, I was just tossing on the bed and waited desperately for the sun to rise early. I could not believe myself, i was brushing my teeth at 6 am, when my Mom woke, she was shocked to see me in this state, normally my impression is, if my classes are at 10 am, I woke up around 9 am, 1 hour is enough for me to get ready and reach college. But today it was altogether a different game.
I could not wait anymore though my class was at 10 am, I was already there in the college by 8:45 am, well before time, excited, eager, impatiently looking at my watch again and again, it was like I was running too fast and everything seemed slow. I was excited to see her. Finally, it was time for our first period on statistics. As usual, I was there at the main gate desperately looking for her to arrive but she didn’t come. I looked at my watch again and it was now getting time for class to start, I felt low why she has not arrived yet. I consoled myself and said “ maybe she had entered from the back gate. So I rushed to the classroom but she was not even there. This was making me impatient now, i wanted to see her at any cost. Classes keep on going but she didn’t arrive and soon It was lunch time but she was still nowhere. My anxiety level rose. I was really upset from inside... i came home early that day and didn't attended any further classes post lunch. I could not even sleep that whole night, I was desperate to reach college next day. In the morning i was so desparate i skipped my breakfast and rush to college. But that day too, she was missing. Somewhere in my heart i felt something is wrong and this instinct became strong as she didn’t attend college that day too and so on week passed and she didn't come to college. There was no way I could contact her as I didn’t even have her phone number. Every day I went to college with the hope, I will see her today but returned home in despair. I was worried what had happened to her why she was not coming to college, but I had no one who could give me information about her, the people I know were also clue less. Then one day post lunch while I was in the classroom waiting for our next period to start, I overheard some girls gossiping about her, that she went back to her hometown as her mother was critically ill and admitted to ICU and there were very less chances that she will come back. This news broke my heart and as days passed on, slowly I started losing hope too. This way a month passed and as expected she never came back. The college for me was no more vibrant, every day as i entered the classroom, i missed her presence badly. This way months passed, and I never ever saw her again. Slowly i also accepted the fact that she will never come back. Life kept on rolling as usual and couple of years later I completed my graduation and then moved to Delhi to pursue my MBA.
Though our journey was very short lived, but she is there with me in my thoughts always. Those 10 mins of togetherness in that rainy evening under one umbrella is buried in my heart and will always be special. Whenever i see young couples walking in same scenario, this makes me nostalgic. I don't know where she is but I still pray and wish the best for her life. I am not even sure, if she remembers those 10 mins of our togetherness but for me, it was one of the most beautiful experience, that brings smile every time I recall it.
The End
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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.07.2020
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