Keeping Secrets
Chanel
I was awake with him laying next to me. I loved Jermaine for everything we been through regardless of what people say about us. He stayed with me when I was weak and he was there when I was gripping the keys to my first apartment and car."Finally you up", he said. I smiled got up and brushed my teeth. "So you was waiting for me?"
He smirked,"Chanel, you love making look like I can't live without you. Just admit it ." I turned and walked to the bathroom door and replied, "If I admit it then I will be looking pathetic with you."He flung off the and headed toward me. I ran to the shower,but he still caught me. "You sick?", he asked. "I don't feel like it. Why?" " Your forehead is burning! Your ears turning red too", he announced. I pulled away from him and walked into the room. "You meeting up with your Mom and Dad today?", I questioned to try and distract the attention away from me. " Yea, you coming or do you want me to stay and take you to the doctor?", He shot back with a smirk. "I'm fine, seriously matter of fact while you're gone I will find something to do, I'ma be bored if I don't.", I lied.
I'm actually not feeling bad, I'm just restless since 4 days ago and I think I have food poisoning from a restaurant since I'm throwing up every morning. "I'll be back in 3 or 4 hours depending on traffic, how slow I eat and how long they lectures gonna be about staying in college."He said. "I love you baby and don't forget to tell them I said Hi.", I replied. "Camryn called to see if you would babysit Cayden.", He said as he opened the front door. My sister obviously don't remember that I have a life. "Wait I - -" I was too late, as I heard his car drive farther away from our shared apartment. I locked the front door and walked to the kitchen.
As soon as I caught a whiff of Jermaine's leftovers from Wendy's, I was with my head in the toilet. I stood up and saw my washed out complexion in the mirror. I have been feeling weird for the last 4 days. "Knock, Knock?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned to see Camryn standing in the bathroom doorway with Cayden in her arms. "You have a key to my apartment?", I said, shocked. "I made a copy from your keys one day", She explained. "Why it stinks in here? " " I was throwing up, food poisoning.", I answered. She exhaled. "For a second I thought you was pregnant!", she joked. She stopped laughing when I turned around and walked out to the living room.
She put Cayden down and followed me. "So you are? Or are you just playing?", Camryn said as she furiously sat down on the sofa. " It just happened 4 days ago when we went out to eat because Jermaine is doing really good in his classes." I quickly answered. " So I bet he got a straight A in your class.",She smartly remarked. "So what you gonna do IF you are having a baby? You ever thought about how it's gonna affect Jermaine and you and how you gonna take care of all the expenses?", She questioned. I turned to her, " I'm thinking about keeping the baby, parenting can't be that hard." "Something the size of a single cell, can turn into the 1 -year-old sitting in that corner playing with a transformer toy.
Matter of fact I'm gonna call Jermaine and hear what he thinks about this!", She annouced. " Wait! He doesn't know yet. No one knows accept you.", I revealed. She looked at me and then turned around and bust out laughing. "Chanel! Just think about how he reacts to when somebody steal his parking spot, so how he gonna freak out when you tell him you pregnant?!??", my older sister explained. I walked away from her and looked at her. "Well, can you go so I can talk to Jermaine about this?", I snapped at her. She rolled her eyes, grabbed her toddler and left. I sighed as I her slam her car doors and drive away. I love my sister, but she needs to realize that I'm not her and Jermaine is not her baby daddy. I know Jermaine is not like that and he loves kids, for a short period of time.
Will You Be My Baby Daddy?
20 minutes later I heard Jermaine open the front door, when I was in the kitchen downstairs making tacos. He hugged me from behind. "Hey, how was your meeting?" I asked. He let go and smiled. "It was alright this time, they just told me to stay in school and my Mom surprised that I'm responsible and not doing stupid shit or asking her for money every week." He explained. I shrugged and closed the fridge. She was a huge pain. She never liked me, but she but she never completely says it either. "What's wrong,Chanel?", Jermaine asked. "What you mean?", I replied. I never lie to him. Even when I want to I just can't. I'm nervous to tell him, but I'm nervous that if I wait to long he will eventually find out on his own. "Did I do something wrong?", he questioned. "No, I just have something on my mind that I've been thinking about."
I looked Jermaine in his dark brown eyes and I began to remember the day I fell in love with him. It was at a party and every black girl in the room was making sure they tracks and sew-ins was straight for him that night. He was looking that good,and he know he was all that and a bag of chips and the drink that night. From the moment he walked in,you would've spotted him anywhere on the crowded dance floor with his bright highlighter neon jacket and matching converse that were visible in the dark and he was the only male not dancing. Jermaine just stood on the wall watching everyone on the dance floor ignoring the desperate non-wifey material continued to drool on him the whole night. I was looking cute too with my blue skintight dress and black pumps with spikes on the back. I was out with my friends who wanted a night of freedom. I stood against a wall and ignored the men who were looking for their booty call of the night.
Jermaine and I were glancing at each other the whole night. The night ended, and I thought I would never see the cute boy I wanted to get to know ever again,but I was wrong. I was going to a friend's birthday party, and Jermaine turned out to be her cousin. Ever since, we have been communicating and then we got an apartment together. "You heard me baby?" Snap out of it. "What you said?",I asked. "These tacos are good,but they didn't fill me up for nothing. Let's go out to eat." I wasn't full either,I was throwing up more than half of what I ate. "Let me get dressed.",I said as I walked back to our bedroom. I went in the shower and then got dressed in a cute turquoise shirt with blue skinny jeans. Jermaine got dressed in a red and black Adidas shirt with the matching shoes and black jeans. We left in his '09 black Impala. "What you wanna eat tonight?", he asked. "It doesn't matter to me." All that my mind goes back to is how am I gonna tell him that I'm pregnant and don't even if I want a baby.
30 minutes later we arrived at The Grape in Phipps Plaza in Atlanta. A girl was standing inside by a computer right when we walked in. "Hello,Welcome to The Grape! May I ask if you have a reservation?" I want to answer Hell to the no, but I will leave it to Jermaine personally this time. "Yes,Johnson.",he replied. So,he had this all planned out. We followed her to a table in the back, which had a lot of privacy. A candle was in the middle of the table with a bouquet of flowers. "Thanks.",he said to the waiter as she placed our menus on the table in front of us. "You planned this out,didn't you?",I asked. He looked up and smiled while showing his dimples. "Maybe I did. But I know one thing...",he said. I looked at his smile and put down the menu in front of me. "What are you up to?" "You going to see when we get home." I smiled as I chose what I was going order to eat.
Sure thing he meant what he said. After we ate, as soon as we got through the apartment door, Jermaine was all over me. He hugged me and was kissing on my neck as we walked down the little hall to our bedroom. "Bae,I have to tell you something.",I said. And of course he wasn't listening. Instead he takes his shirt off. Great,now how am I gonna tell him anything when is in his mood?
I woke up with my head in the toilet throwing up. Jermaine stood in the doorway of the bathroom and looked down on me. "You wanna go to the hospital or the doctor?",he said. I flushed the toilet and walked to the counter as I started to brush my teeth. After I was done I started to cry. "Are you crying?" I couldn't even speak. I know I have to tell him right here and right now with no excuses. I went to the bedroom with a clueless Jermaine trailing behind me. I sat on the bed and he sat next to me. "You think you have the flu?",he asked. I dried my tears and looked up at him. "I'm Pregnant."
Slowly but surely, he lost all the color in his face. I shook my head,got dressed and grabbed the keys. I drove around our apartments and finally got out the car when I saw the park. I walked to the swings and just sat on one of them. I'm just thinking of what is going through his mind right now. I would call Camryn,but I left my phone in the room. What if he wants to leave? What if it's either abortion or Jermaine? What if he leaves me even after I have an abortion? I just don't want to be one of those girls where my relationship ends because of a baby. After I stopped crying,I got in the car and went home. I didn't see Jermaine in the house so I thought he went somewhere. I put the keys on the living room table and walked back to the bedroom. I heard him open the door from the balcony.
"Chanel, there is no way that it can happen that fast.",he said as he was walking in the bedroom. "I'm actually almost a week." He turned around fast. "We didn't fuck a week ago, we fucked four days ago." So he's keeping track now? "That's exactly what I mean.",I replied smartly. He nodded silently. "So you was fucking another nigga behind my back? Every girl used to tell me you was a hoe!" I was so shocked, that I didn't even know what to do. I walked to the closet and got out a suitcase. "So now you think you gonna kick me out just because you cheating?" I got some clothes out of the closet and started to pack. I got everything that was important to me. A few clothes, my phone, toothbrush, Ipad, Ipod Touch, earphones, and my chargers to everything. He started to realize that I was leaving, instead of him. "Chanel. Baby I didn't mean that.",he started. Too late I was already walking out the door.
I grabbed my keys and went to the car. Jermaine followed behind me touching me, trying to pull me back. "Stop, before you make people think you're abusing me.", I said harshly. I jerked away from him and locked the doors before he got in. "Chanel, don't do this unlock the door.", he pleaded. "Jermaine, I can't do this anymore." I turned on the car and drove away from his shocked face. I love him, but I don't know what I'm going to do.
15 minutes later, I was pulling into my sisters' driveway. I was scared about what she was gonna ask me why was I here. I knocked on the door, even though I have a key somewhere in the deepest depths of my purse. "Chanel, I know damn well you have a key to this house.",she said as she was opening the door. "I know I just left it at home." "What are you doing here?",she asked. "I'm trying to spend time with my nephew!", I replied. She looked at me weird. "You really wanna see him that bad?" "I'm dying inside",I said as I sat on the sofa. She went upstairs and got him. All that was running through my head, is what Jermaine had said. Proves that every where you go, someone is gonna talk about you behind your back, when they don't look no better.
She brought a sleepyhead Cayden and put him in my arms. I just held him and looked at every feature of his small little body. This is probably how I'm gonna be holding my child, accept with a lot more emotion. "You told him didn't you?",she said. I looked up and nodded at my older sister. "Where's Caitlynn?", I questioned. She rolled her eyes at me as I was trying my hardest to change the subject. "She just got off her job,so she should be home in fifteen to twenty minutes. But she's not important right now.",she said as she squinted her eyes at me. I sighed. "I told him, we got into it, and I left, end of story." She grabbed a blanket and handed it to me to put over Cayden. "So what was said that caused you to end up over here?",she interrogated. "He just made me mad. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, and I'm just ready to go to bed.",I said as I put Cayden down and went to my car. I got out the bag I packed and came back inside. "So you packed and left him!!",She yelled. I held up my hand and carried the baby and my bag to the spare bedroom. I took a shower,changed, brushed my teeth and cuddled with my nephew all night.
Work Things Out
I woke up with 10 phone calls,6 messages, and I don't even know how many texts from Jermaine. So he really was sorry. Every time I want to text or call him back I just think of him repeating what people say about me. I got up, changed, brushed my teeth and saw that Cayden was still sound asleep. So, I walked down the hall to Camryn's room. "Cam,Can I ask you something?",I asked. "What?" "Can I keep Cayden for like 3 days?" I hopefully anticipated. "Hell yeah, If you leaving now just dress him in something warm, and later when I get up I'll just bring over some clothes and stuff.",She said. "One more question." "What,Chanel?" "Car seat and stroller."I said. "Both in my car, my keys are on the living room table, and bring him here so I can dress him."
I went back down the hall and brought Cayden to Camryn. I got all my stuff out the room, and put it in my trunk. While I was downstairs I went and got Camryn's car keys off the counter and went back outside. I unlocked her 2011 Ford Edge and got his car seat and stroller and put them in my car. I went back and grabbed some toys from the bottom of the car. Cayden is spoiled rotten. I warmed my car up, locked Camryn's car, and went back upstairs to get Cayden. "He eats applesauce in the mornings, and by the time he gets hungry again,I should be on my way with his food and stuff.",she explained.
I nodded as I carried him to my car and then buckled him in. As I drove away I wondered what was it going to be like walking into my home. Was he mad or sad? Judging from all those phone calls and text and voice mails I got last night,he wanted me to come back. But as I walked in the apartment,it was just me and Cayden. I silently walked around with the still sleeping baby in my arms waiting for him to come out the shower or the bathroom. He wasn't here. Was he getting back at me? Was he trying to leave me now that I left him? It hurt to even think about it. I sat down on my bed and laid Cayden down and covered him with a blanket. I took out my phone and silently looked through the texts in my phone from Jermaine last night.
Right when I got to the third or fourth text, I hear Jermaine come in. His heavy footsteps pounded the ground as he got closer and closer to the bedroom. He stopped at the door. "Where you been?",he asked rudely. "Went to Camryn and Caitlynn's.",I answered, without looking at him. "You don't have to lie about anything." "Then if I'm lying, tell me how did I get Cayden?",I said as I pulled down the blanket to reveal his little arms and face silently snoring. Jermaine peeked over at him and sighed. "I'm really sorry.",he sadly said. "I just never saw that side of you towards me,and I was thinking about doing a lot of things last night,but I just went to Camryn's and slept it off.",I madly said. "These girls don't do anything for you,so why do you worry about what they say?"I asked.
He knows that he is in the wrong. "A lot of niggas be talking like they had you before,and that shit bothers me."He explained. I put down my phone and looked at him. He took off his shoes,jacket,and shirt,and I scooted over so he can get in the bed. "First off,They are talking about me because they know they can't have me. Second,no nigga just had me except the nigga I lost my virginity to. And Third,they are jealous of you, they sit in a raggedy stinking house with no car, no money and just STD-infested girls that ain't about nothing.",I explained happily.
"You accept my apology?",he asks. I nod as he kisses me on the neck and trails up to my mouth. "You hungry?",he asks. "No, I'll eat when he wakes up." Jermaine jumps out of bed and goes to the kitchen and fix his favorite cereal,Captain Crunch. I walk in the bathroom and stare at my stomach. It's looking like I have a pouch, but you can barely tell because it disappears when I put on my shirt. "Your getting bigger.",Jermaine said as he watched my stomach in the reflection of the mirror. I pulled my shirt down quickly. "I know,and I'm only a week.",I replied. Then I thought about Cayden. And started walking to the room when I realize that his snoring stopped. I walked in and saw him crawling around the bed. I picked him up just before he got to the edge of the bed. "Jermaine, is there applesauce in the cabinet?",I said as I was walking in the kitchen. He reached into the cabinet and handed it to me. "Thanks.",I replied.
I quickly fed Cayden because he was getting fussy each and every moment. Even though I know I'm a teen, I just don't have any problem with having a baby, I just have a problem with the thought of Jermaine leaving me. "What wrong?",he asked as he looked at me. "It's just that the reason I took so long to tell you that I was pregnant is that, I didn't want you to leave me.",I said. I looked down at Cayden, avoiding Jermaine's face.
He walked over to me and looked me dead in my eyes. "Who told you that I was gonna leave you?", he asked. "Nobody, It's just what I was mainly afraid of.",I said.
"I promise that I will never leave you, ever. Not you or my baby.",He confessed. All I can do is just stare at him. I love it when he tell me his real deep down feelings. Even though Jermaine doesn't open up on a daily basis, at least he's man enough to tell me the truth about any and everything. "So you really thought I was gonna leave you, so you left me before I can leave you.",He said. I shook my head as I put Cayden down on my lap. "No, I mean I would hurt if you left me, but I would be scarred for life if you left me alone with a baby to take care of. "I revealed.
Just then I heard the front door unlock, with Camryn stepping inside. "Chanel?", She yelled. "Back in the kitchen!", I replied. I saw her holding a miniature suitcase, changing pad, and a folded up playpen. "Hey, Jermaine.", she said as she strolled to the cabinets to stock up on baby food,cereal,bottles,and utensils. "Hey,Cam." Then she went to the living room and open up the playpen. "Cayden can stay here for a week and a half right?",she asks. I look at Jermaine. Jermaine looks at me. "I'm okay with it,but is Jermaine okay with it?",I said as I looked over at him. He nodded while smiling.
By the time Camryn left, mostly everything that Cayden has ever owned, was in placed somewhere in my house. "It looks like a damn 'Babies-R-Us' in here.",he said as he walked away. Cayden looked at his face and started to bust out laughing. "Awww, Baby he laughing at your face.",I laughed. Jermaine walked away again. I heard a knock on the door. As I put Cayden in the bed with Jermaine, I walked to the door. I rolled my eyes as I walked toward the door, thinking that it's Camryn worrying us about Cayden already. When I opened the door, I'm not even gonna lie, I wish it was my sister standing at the door.
Secret Got Out
I haven't done that many things wrong for the main person I want to avoid in my life standing at my front door. If you met her you would understand,because not even the Grim Reaper wants to be by her. Jermaine's mother,Joyce, was standing at my damn door early as hell in the morning,looking like she wanted to start some shit with me. "Is Jermaine here?", She asked,when she know the answer because she parked right next to him. I wanted to say no so she could sit in the car, but she parked right next to him. "I'll go get him.",I said as I was slowly pushing the door. "I'll wake him up.",she said as she pushed the door back.
I closed the door and went to get Cayden. She looked back at me like 'Bitch why are you following me?', but I guess she forgot where she was at for a second because she quickly turned around and kept walking. Times like this is why I'm glad I have the parents that I have,because if I had her I would have mental issues by now. "Hello,Sweetheart.",She says so innocent. And she can switch her facial expressions very quickly. "I just saw you yesterday,Ma, what's wrong?",he asked. She looked back at me and walked to the bedside by Jermaine. I huffed and walked out the room and into the kitchen. At least I won't be bothered by her annoying, and desperate attitude.
Then I thought about it. There is only one reason why she can be over here, when she just saw Jermaine yesterday. She knows that I'm pregnant. I didn't even want to know if she began bringing my name into the subject of the conversation, but before they could, I walked out of the house,got into the car, and left.
I felt as if as was running away from it, but I just couldn't hear or talk to anyone just yet about my situation. I really don't want to talk to anyone at my school,because then I'll just be classified as 'one of those girls'. This category is basically meant for the African and Hispanic;which means by the end of high school I'll get pregnant more than once(but try to hide it),on food stamps,be a high school dropout, and most likely won't be with my child's father, which also means that I probably won't be receiving child support.
I'm not 'one of those girls' and Jermaine is not 'one of those guys'. While I was thinking it through I turned the car around. I have to deal with her finding out someday, and it will be easier if my family is not around crying all over the place also. I smiled as I leaned out my car window to swipe the card for our apartment gate. We made a baby together, so now we have to pay the consequences together.
As soon as I opened the door, I wanted to run back to my car. Not only was Jermaine's mother here, but also my Mom,my Dad, and my twin Aunts Victoria and Valerie were all here sitting in my living room. Jermaine's face was looking grateful that I came through the door, but he looked tired from all their talking. "I'm really not in the mood to argue, and I'm tired.", I said as I went and got a bouncing Cayden from Jermaine's arms.
The Arguments
"Chanel,what is this lady talking about?",my mom said in tears. I barely saw my parents cry. I come from a very strong family(for years I didn't know how to breakdown and cry). I looked at Camilla Venus Callaway as hard and square in the eyes as I could. "I'm pregnant.",I said truthfully as possible to my mom. She busted out crying and leaned into my dad's chest while he held his head down low. Jermaine's mom rolled her eyes and stood up fast. "Chanel, I will pay for you to get an abortion.",she said as she grabbed her purse and left. I felt myself burning hot red, so I went in the back to our room with Cayden.
Jermaine stayed in the living room and had to ride it out his self this time. While I laid in the bed with my nephew,I just heard arguments and my mother crying saying,"This is the life I purposely wanted her to avoid!". After a while I fell asleep. I woke back up when I felt Jermaine's hands around me. "They left?",I asked him. He nodded in response to me. They probably wore him out so bad that he can't even answer to me. He rubbed my shoulder and I turned and faced him. "Do you want an abortion?",he asked. The question honestly shocked me, because from his expression when I told him that I was pregnant, made me think that he didn't want our kid.
"I thought you didn't want it." He looked at me crazy. "When have I ever said that?", he asked with bewilderment. "It was your facial expressions, when I first told you.", I replied. He nodded. And that's all he had to say was a nod, because he know that I'm right. He looked straight down at me and smiled. "That was a shocked facial expression,and you can't talk because you was crying super hard.", he stated.
I know I couldn't lie about that. "You don't understand that pregnancy means mood swings, bipolar, depression, weight gain, stretch marks, people thinking you're a hoe, and not to mention I'm going to lose a lot of friends Jermaine.",I explained. It was going to be hard for me walking in the doctor's with people making fun of me or just laughing at me straight up in my face. And I didn't even get on the thought of Jermaine leaving me for a care-free life.
He shook his head. "Regardless of what they think of you,they gonna always talk about you. And as for friends, real niggas will stay with you until your last breath. Unless they paying a phone bill or something, then they some fake ass bitches.",He said seriously. I understand what he's trying to say, but it's gonna be hella hard because I have to carry around the evidence for nine months. And I understand what he's saying about these females, they get jealous over the simplest things and then want to voice an opinion when it's none of their business.
"Even if I have to say this everyday for the rest of my life. I will never leave you or my kid for nobody. I love you,bae.",He said. I started crying and smiling at the same time. It's all cute and cuddly now, but when the baby comes we probably won't be able to get a break.
Cayden started to crawl over me to get to Jermaine. They started smiling at each other and held him over his head and pretended to drop him. Cayden started laughing loudly. Jermaine smiled at him and hugged him. They looked so cute together, I hope he's like that with our baby.
I just smiled, but smiling hides my worries for all of us. I watch a lot of 'Teen Mom' and '16 and Pregnant' on MTV. I see how Maci wishes her and Ryan were together or how Farrah's boyfriend ,Derek, had died before their daughter Sophia was born. Honestly, look how fast it took me to become pregnant,and I can just as easily be in their situation. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I left the room and answered it.
"Hello?",I answered. "Chanel, it's Carmen. I'm outside.",She said. I hung up and opened the front door. My older sister,Carmen, has no kids whatsoever and she doesn't intend to. She smirked as she sat down on the sofa and took her heels off. "Don't even try to explain, just let me talk first.",she said while holding her hand up. "Do you know how hard it is going to be for you?". I sighed, even though she is my sister, she still sounds like everyone else. "I know,but I'm not going to be by myself. I have Jermaine.",I pointed out. She stared at me. "Since you put it like that, what happens if Jermaine loses the job he has and has no money to provide for himself, much less a baby.",she exclaimed. I looked down at the carpet, because I didn't have a comeback. She was right, I can't just expect Jermaine to do everything. "Chanel, I'm not saying this to hurt you, but he can leave at any given moment and forget about you, while you're stuck with a baby while you're a baby yourself. Hell, actually both of you are!",She laughed. "I honestly didn't mean for it to happen,but I think I can handle it with Jermaine.",I replied. She looked at me in my eyes and shook her head. "How do you know he's going to stay, after-all, his word is all you have."
"What is that supposed to mean?",I said as I felt slightly offended. She rolled her eyes and stretched out her legs on the sofa. "It means, don't sit around and wait for someone to do something, when you know you can do it yourself." I nodded, agreeing with her. "I brought someone that wanted to see you.",Carmen says. She slips on her heels and walks out the front door and closes it behind her. My eyebrow furrowed as I thought about different things and how will I be able to afford it on my own.
The door opens and I see my middle school ex-boyfriend. I smiled to myself as I remembered Tyler Johnson back in the good days. He was always a wild child,but as soon as we got in the classrooms, nothing else mattered but his work. He looks fine,but I don't even want to flirt with him, because I am devoted to Jermaine. Caramel. Tall. Masculine. Fine. Sweet.
"Hey,Chanel.",he said as he came and hugged me. I felt his huge hands slip to the small of my back. He was smooth, I'll give him that. "Hey, I haven't saw you in the longest time!",I said as he hugged me while touching my lower back. He seems just like the same player he used to be in 7th grade. A smooth talker/liar,with a beautiful smile. I guess over the years that beautiful smile got his ass into trouble since he has a Lumineers job on his teeth which he probably got knocked out. I can never trust him again. I feel mad all over again, and now I'm re-living the shit! I looked him in the eyes and he looked at me with a spark in his eyes like he wants to say something. "So how are you doing with everything and your girlfriend?",I asked while attempting a conversation starter. He smirks at me. "I'm fine and as far as a girlfriend, I'm single. Are you?" Really? Is he really hitting on a pregnant person right now? A non-single pregnant person at that? Maybe he doesn't know. "I'm with my baby's daddy right now.",I said confidently. His eyes bulged out of his head. Perfect I scared the shit out of him, now all I need is a quick getaway. "Speaking of which do you wanna meet him?" He shook his head so quickly, I thought it was about to fall off. "I gotta go, I'll see you around though."
He almost ran through the door and when he got to the car, he looked back at the door shaking his head in disbelief. I turned around and went back to the bedroom where Jermaine was with Cayden. Jermaine was dressing Cayden in his matching Polo outfit. It was a white Polo shirt and jacket with black skinny and black Polo boots. It was cute how Jermaine really cared about Cayden. "What you getting him dressed for?",I asked him. He looked at me and shook his head. "Bae,this pregnant brain of yours got you trippin'.",he said. Since I was confused,I looked at him puzzled. "No food in the refrigerator, which means a nigga gotta eat.",he said. I looked at him and Cayden and started to walk back toward the bed. "Wait,where are you going?",he asked. "To Bed." "No,no,no, you have to come too."he exclaimed. I looked at this practically grown man like he was absolutely crazy. "What do you need me for? I'm tired,Jermaine."I cried. "I push the cart and hold the baby, while you pick out the stuff.",he explained. We walked down the aisles for thirty minutes with Jermaine and Cayden getting aggravated and impatient. "I picked out everything we need", I said as we neared the check-out section. I usually go in self-check out because the baggers don't know how to do their job right, but today I guess I'll have to deal with it because those lines are to long for me. "I'ma go and get some cereal.", Jermaine said, while reminding me of what I forgot. I chose a semi-friendly looking girl who was moving quickly. "Hello, welcome to Publix! Do you have a Publix card?",the girl happily said. As soon as I gave it to her, she started scanning all of Cayden's baby food right away. I read her nametag that said,'Shay' and put her name to her face. She was medium height with a nice curly weave that brought out her caramel-mocha complexion and slim model figure. I had to give it to her, she was fierce. She smiled at Cayden as she slid the items down to the bag-boy at the end of the counter. "He is adorable.",she cooed. I smiled and continued putting food on the conveyer belt to be scanned. After she was finished scanning almost all of the groceries, Jermaine finally comes through the line with two boxes of Captian Crunch cereal. Shay was happily scanning the boxes and she looked up and saw Jermaine. Her smile went to a frown when she saw him. I looked at her facial expressions as she looked from Jermaine to Cayden to me.
Blast From The Past
Shay
I cannot believe this the same motherfucker who I fell in love with and then he dumped me for another heffa! I can't believe this shit. I can remember how it all started. They met at a party and hit it off. Now as I'm looking at her, she's the girl. The light caramel skin with dark brown hair and eyes with a hourglass figure. This is pure bullshit! To top it off they have a little baby together? Oh,HELL NO. I'm probably getting my black ass fired today!
Jermaine
What the hell do I get myself into? Why did I even come down this line? I am never coming to this damn store again. Everywhere I go I see my exes, but I'm not who I used to be! I'm about to have a baby and maybe in the near future, even a wife. I'm too old for the bullshit, I'm 19 and ready to grow up finally.
Chanel
I know damn well this is not a ex of Jermaine! I haven't eaten all damn day almost 2 weeks pregnant and we really about to have this 'Dr. Phil/exes battle' right here in the grocery aisle. Hoes these days are either raunchy or rachet,but this one deserves an award because she's both. Just looking at her making me so mad right now. This bitch taking her sweet and precious time scanning them two damn boxes of cereal.
Jermaine
The next thing I know I'm holding Chanel back from jumping across the counter and beating the hell out of Shay. 5 security guards came rushing to aisle 5 trying to pry Chanel's hands from around Shay's neck. Shay's eyes were popping out of her skull as if she was a bullfrog. Cayden sitting in the basket just looking at us with amazement. I can't believe this shit. "Bitch! Scan the two boxes!", Chanel yelled at Shay. Shay was struggling, but Chanel has a strong grip on everything. Next thing you know, you can hear the alarm by the front of the store going off. A bunch of ghetto people were running out the door with baskets full of food that was not scanned. The security guards were to busy with Chanel and Shays' outburst to look behind them and catch the people. Damn, I feel like I just popped a molly cause Chanel got me sweating..
Chanel
By the time we got home, all my ice cream, was melted and I was pissed the hell off. All the frozen wings I just bought, were ready to put in the oven. All that damn yelling at that girl got me tired and my voice hoarse. I feel as if I had sandpaper rubbing on the inside of my throat. I went upstairs and took a 30 min shower and when I got out Jermaine was waiting on the bed for me with a plate of wings for him and a chicken pot pie. "Awww, bae thanks.",I said. 15 minutes later, I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth while Jermaine put Cayden to bed. I was putting on my boy shorts when I realized that my shorts didn't come past my upper thigh. I struggled to get it to cover my red flame thong and it did. Barely. Jermaine came in and was eyeing me with my Victoria's Secret matching boy shorts,thong and bra. I dropped my pillow off the bed as I climbed on to cuddle next to Jermaine. I leaned over the bed to get it and I heard a huge rip. I looked over at Jermaine thinking that he had farted,but he was laughing at me. I got off the bed and was walking to the mirror when I felt a breeze. I looked in the mirror and saw that I not only had my ass hanging out the top of the shorts, but I also rip the shorts I only wore once before right down the middle. "Damn, I just wore these for the second time!",I yelled disappointed. Jermaine got off of the bed and came towards me wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'm officially losing control over my body and I'm feelin a little insecure.",I madly stated. Jermaine rolled his eyes and looked in my eyes through the mirror. "I think it's sexy."
Feeling Good
Jermaine
"I think it's sexy.",I said. And I honestly did think so. Chanel's titties and her ass getting bigger! Maybe her stomach getting bigger too,but I'll take it if it means her hormones taking control of her so easily. Just from her bending over, she busting through clothes that she just bought a few weeks ago. I had put my arms around her and leaned my head on her shoulder. She was always smelling like candy,flowers,or food. Today Chanel smelled like Coconuts,which is my favorite scent on her. Before I knew it I was nibbling on her neck and my hands were rubbing up and down her body. I was biting her neck and trailing kisses up to her earlobe. She was moaning like she was getting turned on. She turned around to face me and led me to the bed. She pushed me on the bed,so that I landed right in the middle with my arms and legs open. She started to take off my shirt while I kicked off my shoes and waited eagarly for her to get to my pants. After she was done taking off my shirt, she took off my belt in a swift movement and kissed me while I unbuckled my pants and slid down my boxer shorts with them. I unhooked her bra strap,licked her nipples and trailed kisses all the way down to her bellybutton. She moaned as I placed my hand on the inside of her thigh. As I was fingering her, I kissed her growing stomach. I slid the covers over our bodies, since Chanel was shivering. I got on top of her and entered her slowly but surely. She moaned slowly as I entered her. As I increased my pace, she moaned more quickly. Her round titties were bouncing up and down each time I entered her. I took her virginity, so her walls were nice and tight. "Jermaine!",she screamed. I pulled out and looked down at her scrunched up face. Was I hitting it too hard? "Is it hurting your stomach or something?", I asked her.
Chanel
Jermaine was looking worried as hell that I might be hurting. I actually need him to pick up the pace because ever since I have been pregnant, I get sleepy after anything. "Speed up.",I told him. He did a huge grin on his face that he does whenever he feels proud of himself. I continued moaning and screaming his name. The only things that Jermaine is good at is fucking and eating. Other than that he's useless, so I tend to put his talents to good use. "Damn.",Jermaine said as he was holding my leg up. You can actually tell when Jermaine gets tired because his moans and curse words turn into short pants for air like a furry dog in the summertime. I still feel insecure about my body in front of Jermaine because not too long from now, im going to have stretch marks,swollen feet,chubby face, and a huge watermelon stomach. I want to cry just thinking about it. Jermaine and I came at the same time. He came inside me and it felt really good. I got up to take a quick shower while he went to the kitchen. I came back out and put the same clothes on since I only wore them for a minute and a half before taking it off to 'throw it back' to Jermaine. I am not about to squeeze back into that horrifying Victoria's Secret tank top and boy shorts set. Instead, I just put on the bra and red flame thong. I turned the light off in my room and put the nightlight on in the hallway (in case Cayden wakes up) and quickly climbed underneath the covers. He came walking back into the room with a bottle of cold water. "You want some water?",he asked. I shook my head no and he shrugged his shoulders. I unhooked my bra, because it felt as if my titties were being crushed and I could barely breathe. Jermaine took his T-shirt off and climbed under the covers next to me. I couldn't sleep so I turned over and stared at the ceiling with a million thoughts racing through my mind. I flinched when I felt Jermaine's masculine fingers caressing the back of my neck. "What are you doing?",I asked him. "We both know that you are not going to sleep anytime soon.",he said. I rolled my eyes in the darkness. He was right, shit was picking my brain alive and I can't go to sleep. "What's wrong? I know you sleepy as hell cause you was falling asleep when we was fucking, but now you wide awake. Tell me.",He urgued me. He wrapped his arms around me so that it fell loosely around my stomach. I pushed his arm away from my stomach because I knew my stomach felt different and I didn't even want him touching my skin, so I really didn't want him touching my stomach. "So you have an attitude with me now?",he asked. I sighed heavily. "It's not you, it's just that I don't feel cute at all right now.",I admitted to him. "Chanel, are you serious?",he asked me. I looked over at him and wondered what in the hell was he talking about. "Your ass and titties just went up another size and you don't feel sexy at all?" I rolled my eyes as I thought about how much of a asshole he can be sometimes. "You are forgetting about stress, a high risk of depression, no more parties, my body will never be the same after this, my education, and babysitters, and again stress." I explained to him. He was silent for a moment as he thought about all the things I just said. "What is the stress going to come from?",he asked. That was actually a good ass question. "Well first off, balancing bills and education is hard as hell but with a baby on top of it just tops it and more stress about the college I'm going to be able to go to.",I whined.
Jermaine
Hell I got to admit, I never thought of it like that. It's going to affect us in a lot of different ways. I remember when my dad first told me about the birds and the bees. "If you know you're in a situation where you can't take care of a baby, then wrap your shit up. I don't care how cute the little girl is, if you want to be staring at her lovely face for the rest of your life then strap your shit.",He said to me. I was the kind of kid that always was kissing girls and fingering behind the last bookshelf in the library, but never wanted to hit a girl because I was just to scared. It all changed once I met Chanel. She stood out because she was different and I liked that. She didn't flirt with every nigga who tried to spit game on her. She is not, will not and never will be a hoe. She's a lady, not just some random female who's name you can't remember except for when you need something from her. I'm officially settling down and if it don't work out then it don't work out between us, but I'm going to at least try. I want my kid to know that I'm going to try my best whether they like it or not. Even if Chanel does move on later in life, I'm still gonna be there for Chanel and our kid together. I'm not gonna be dipping on her ass. She just needs to let her guard down and trust me because I'm not here to hurt her.
Chanel
I am close to having a brain aneurysm. Seriously. I can't stop thinking about whether or not I'll be able to finish my senior year in college. After all, it's the start of thanksgiving break and in two days Jermaine and I will have to face all of our family members together to tell them what we plan on doing. The fucked up part about it is that we don't even know. I just want to be able to go to high school and get a diploma. I don't want to be a statistic where I can be one of the teen mothers that go to high school to drop out or get a G.E.D. It's frusterating me so much, but I can't do anything about it. I honestly keep thinking about how my life is going to be ruined but at the back of my head, I keep thinking about getting an abortion. I just don't want to bring another helpless little human being into a big situation. I just think it's slick right, but if I go through with the abortion, then I will have to come back home and face Jermaine. Eventhough this wasn't a planned pregnancy, I know that I will hurt the hell out of Jermaine's fellings if I abortioned our baby. It just wouldn't feel right. This is the person that I am in love with, and may even marry one day. The fact that I'm pregnant with his baby, go get an abortion and come back home without warning him advance so he can flip out on my ass? Oh hell, no. This is how domestic violence is started. The girl goes and does something stupid that she is going to regret one day and the boy has a bad reaction to it. I just want to continue to have the open and honest relationship that we have right now. I don't think that it's nessecary to lie and cheat with the person that you are currently dating. If you are cheating and sneaking around, then don't say it behind noone's back. You should be a real thug and tell them what's going on. I shook my head from side to side as I drifted off to sleep with Jermaine's arms wrapped around me.
The Relationship Breakdown
Jermaine
I woke up in the morning to all the damn hummingbirds and shit in the trees. I smiled as I looked over to my right to see Chanel's tired frame. With the covers on top of her, you can barely see her growing stomach. She was only 7 weeks now, but her belly is already forming. Chanel swears up and down that she looks fat but you can't even see her belly poking out with her clothes on. It kinda just looks like she ate a whole orange and it just dropped to the bottom of her stomach. I love her, but I just can't imagine settling down to a baby any time soon. I slowly rose from the bed and went to the kitchen to start making some waffles. It has been quiet in the morning time over here without Cayden's energetic self. Just playing with him makes me want a son. After I got done making my waffles, I went into the living room and turned on the tv. I didn't even bother making anything for Chanel because the first thing that she is going to do when she wakes up is throw up. I sighed as I looked at the tv at Maury looking at a dude cussing out a girl talking about he doesn't have no kids. I squinted my eyes at the flat screen looking at the girl, because she looked familiar. I honestly don't know her from a to z but her face looks so familiar. They both looked tense when Maury pulled out the envelope from under his chair. Just then, Chanel was coming into the livng room with just a towel around her. Her skin was glowing as she got out of the shower. "My show is on.",she said. I focused my attention back on the tv screen as Maury was about to read the results. "When it comes to 4-year-old Neaveh, ZenDarius, You are NOT the father.", Maury reavealed. ZenDarius jumped up while pumping his fists in the air. The cameras then started following the girl and she broke down crying on the sofa. Chanel frowned and shook her head at the girl. "I feel so bad when girls go on national tv to embarrass themselves.", She said sadly. I shrugged and laughed at the girl as she was apologizing to the dude that she thought was her babydaddy. I won't ever be embarrassed by a female like that.
Chanel
"Bae, you started to pack for tommorrow?", Jermaine asked me. I turned around and looked at him questionly. "What's tommorrow?", I asked him. Was it a date because I needed that right about now. "Tommorrow is Thanksgiving. You forgot already.", He replied. I just felt my face fall to a frown. "Why you don't like holidays?", He asked me. I sighed heavily, he just doesn't get it. "It's not that I don't like holidays, I just don't like family get togethers.", I explained to him. "Not every family was as easy-going as yours. You didn't have to see as much problems and drama and the rachetness. My aunt's career is a being a damn Con-Artist! Have you ever been in the presence of one? Hell do you even know what it is, Jermaine??!!??", I asked frantically. I paused and waited for his answer. "Yea, you remember my cuzzo Peek-a-boo?", he asked. I shook my head. "No bae, Peek-a-boo is just a straight bum and when he tries to rob or something, he not good at it and he always gets caught.", I told him. His cousin is just a lonely bum. Jermaine started laughing like this was so damn hiliarious, but I guess I'm the oddball who doesn't get the joke. I smiled at him laughing. He's the only person in this world that can make me laugh the way he does. I smiled and walked back to the bedroom and packed my clothes in a suitcase to get ready to spend the thanksgiving weekend with my family and Jermaine's family. After I packed, I took a long shower and got in bed as I was trying to ready myself for tommorrow.
Jermaine
I watched about three movies on BET after Maury went off, went outside played some basketball and came back inside to take a shower. After I got out of the bathroom, I saw Chanel sound asleep in the bed in our bedroom. I slipped into the bed beside her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I know that if Chanel was awake, she wouldn't let me get close to her. I rubbed my hands on her stomach. Her stomach is harder and her bump grew. I smiled as I felt her stomach growing with my kid. Eventhough I know that this is my kid, I still have a small amount of doubt way in the back of my head. I don't know what I would do if this baby was not mine. Chanel and I most likely won't be together. I wouldn't be able to look at a kid everyday, knowing that it's not mine. I can't get attached to a kid that's not mines. I shook my head as I fell asleep feeling on what I hoped to be my kid in Chanel's stomach.
I'm Thankful for....?
Chanel
I woke up and freshened up. I saw that Jermaine had already took our suitcases and was putting it in the car. I left the bathroom and got dressed into some other clothes. Jermaine was unplugging the stuff in the living room and hiding it in the closet. I made the bed and went to the kitchen to eat an orange. "Hungry?" I turned around to see Jermaine watching me closely witha smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and turned back around to focus more on peeling my orange, which I was unsucessfully trying at. I quickly got aggravated and threw it at Jermaine. "Here, just take it.", I said. "You want me to peel it for you?", He asked me. I shook my head no and headed to the car. Jermaine stopped to lock the door and activate the alarm. I got in the car and rested my body into the cushion of the seats. I am beyond nervous to meet the rest of Jermaine's family. His mom didn't really like me before I got pregnant, so if the rest of his family acts like his mom, I most likely won't address the situation in the right manner. I need a stress reliever.
Jermaine
The ride to Chanel's family get-together was okay. It was a little tense but not to the point where we were terrified. It was a happy-nervous, but I know that would end soon when we start on the road to my family's get-together. I just hope that everyone is cordial to each other and will act mature for once in their life. Chanel is not ignoring me or anything, but she is distant from me. I wonder if my family is on her mind, because I know that it is has nothing to do with anyone in her family is cool. Whenever Chenel is hurt; she laughs it off, acts as if it doesn't bother her or acts as if she doesn't see it at all. Her eyes, facial expressions and body language will snitch and tell you the truth. I shook my head, wondering what she could be mad about. I just hope it wasn't me. I almost crashed the car as I sat horrified in fear that she found out that I have doubts in my own head about the baby. I won't be able to take the emotional wreck that she would become when I ask her if she has been with anyone alse and if I am sure that the baby is mine. I seem to already know how it's going to play out. I'm going to ask her, she gets offended, I get slapped or cussed out. she gets embarrassed, I get embarrassed and I realize that their was no point in asking this question. End of story. Point Blank.
Chanel
By the time I woke up, we were in the driveway of my Aunt Michelle's house. I looked at Jermaine and saw that he looked like he normally did, calm. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and saw that I was my hands were shaking. Im getting nervous and I want to stay in the car. I have on a light jacket that covers my stomach, but if I take off my jacket you can see my stomach with my tight-fitted shirt. I walked with Jermaine to the front door and we stood at the door together, staring at it.
Jermaine
As soon as we stepped in the house, all eyes were on us. First they looked at me, and then it was all on Chanel. I guess they were gossiping. Maybe they don't know that she is pregnant, and just want to know who I am and if we are together. That stopped the thought right in my mind when all the eyes went from my face to hers and then down to her stomach. They knew. I looked over at Chanel and her head was hung low to the ground. I thought that she had saw something on the ground, but I saw her hand move to her face to wipe away her tears. Shit she is crying and I don't know how to comfort her in front of her family. I held her hand and she lifted her head and lightly smiled at me. Her eyes were puffy and before I could tell her that it's going to be okay, she turned and walked upstairs,where noone was at. I looked at everyone as their eyes were following her. A dark-skinned lady got up off of the sofa to follow her, but I quickly jogged behind her. I heard her sobbing through a closed door so I opened the door quietly and closed it without her noticing. "Bae--", I started, but she cut me off. Chanel turned around to face me. "Tell me something and be honest." I looked at her while I was searching for a clue of what is going through her head at the moment. "Ask me.", I said as I looked at her with caution in my eyes. She looked down and looked back up at me again. "Are you thinking about leaving me?", She asked in all seriousness. I looked at her in disbelief. Is she serious right now?
Chanel
Jermaine was looking like I was playing some kind of trick to him. I am dead serious. I can't be with a guy who does not want to be with me. I want you to be with me for me, not for anything else that is not important. I can't even look at him. I walked to him and looked him in the eyes. "It's cool, you don't have to doubt yourself. I'm done.", I said. Jermaine's eyes widened at my words and his face scrunched up in confusion. As soon as I said the words, I regretted it, so I stormed away from him to prevent anymore angry words from coming out of my mouth. I left the room and ignored Jermaine calling my name. I walked into the dining room to find my family around the dinner table. "Aah! Chanel, what are you thankful for?", My snobby, aggravating, 31-year-old cousin, Rachel, asked me. Great, I thought as everyone turned to look at me. I know she was doing this on purpose because she knew that I knew that my whole family discovered my pregnancy. She is probably the one who spread my secret around the whole world. "Uum. I'm thankful for...another day that God has blessed me with.", I said. She narrowed her eyes at me and I smiled sweetly at her. "I heard you have other good news also.",She inquired. This bitch wanted to play games. "Oh how could I forget! I'm meeting Jermaine's family and we will probably be taking our relationship to the next level.", I lied. Before I can say anything else, I felt Jermaine behind me. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. "I think she was asking for the other good news, baby.", he said. I looked at him with fear in my eyes. I know he wouldn't tell them that I'm pregnant. Rachel smiled at me in victory. "Chanel and I are thinking about settling down and getting married, having a family, stuff like that.", He said as he looked at me. I can't believe this asshole just did this.
Are We Together?
Jermaine
Yeah, I said it. I just can't imagine Chanel slipping away from me so easily. I didn't even get to tell her about the girl who crushing hard on me, but now since Chanel tripping over me wanting to leave her; She doesn't need to know about her with her pregnancy hormones. She looked at me and rolled her eyes as I slid my arms around her waist, making sure that I avoid sqeezing her stomach too hard. I'm going to try my hardest to prove to her that I love her and will not leave her unless she wants me to. I led her out to the car and we left. I don't see a reason in going to my family's when they're going to critizize Chanel. I just drove us home and carried my babymama into the house and tucked her into the bed.
Chanel
I woke up the next morning feeling bad about myself. I shouldn't have treated Jermaine that way yesterday. I guess my hormones are getting the best of me. Got up, took a shower and called my sister, Camryn over to help me go through a full day of shopping. "Hey, Chanel.", Camryn said. I looked over to my bedroom door and saw that once again, she had let herself in the house. I smiled back at my sister. "Hey, Cam. I'm ready when you are.", I told her. She rolled her eyes and we got in her car. Cayden is at by his dad's for the whole Thanksgiving week. I wonder how that's going to turn out. When we got to Tanger Outlet, we picked a lot of cute snags and deals on things. For going clothes-wise, I mostly bought plain onesies for the baby, since we didn't know the sex and clothes for my post-baby body. I have to make sure I have no stretch marks on my stomach or any other part of my skin. I have to look cute this summer. I know I'm going to have to have the talk with Jermaine about what the hell was I thinking last night. I really didn't mean it. We got home an hour later, and Camryn had called Cayden's dad to pick him up from my place.
Camryn
I feel bad that my sister has to be bored and pregnant at home. Chanel doesn't even deserve to have a baby at a young age. I feel horrible for letting her go down this road, because my parents were so mad at me for getting pregnant. They said that Chanel will look at me and do the same exact thing. I laughed and rolled my eyes, but shit hit the fan when she found out that she's pregnant. We need to go out before my niece or nephew comes. I need to ask her questions and so many are going through my mind,but I can't do it without crying or getting frusterated so I need to keep my mind off of the negative side and keep it on the positive side. I'm scared for her. I got dressed in a cute flowing, blue top and gray jeans with some matching blue heels. I waited for Chanel in the car. She came out with a long floor-length white dress that faded to gray at the bottom and white flats. The dress flows down her slender figure, making her stomach looking as if she isn't pregnant. We headed out to The Lounge and when we walked in, all eyes was on my little sister because she looks beautiful. While we were dancing, I saw a couple dancing and doing shit that should be done in a room. The dude was feeling all on her small ass thighs and he is drunk as hell. Eventhough he isn't facing our way, you can tell that he is drunk and he kind of looks like somebody I know from behind , but I can't put my finger on it. I turned around and danced with my sister.
Chanel
I was dancing with my sister and all of a sudden I feel like someone is watching me. I turn around and see, Tyshon, one of the guys that always chills with Jermaine. He is a nice guy, but I'm with Jermaine and it will be disrespectful to see him while I'm with Jermaine. He never told me that he had feelings for me, but I ended up having slight feelings for him. I ignored them and left them when I started liking Jermaine. I saw my sister staring at something that was behind me, but when she saw me trying to figure out what she was staring at, she turned her focus back to me and continued dancing with me. At first I was going to let it go, but her eyes kept traveling behind me in confusion. I turned around and followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at. I could tell Jermaine from anywhere in this world, but I pray that this man in the corner rubbing on this floozy isn't him. Before I can stop myself, I was walking up to him and slapping him in the face. I couldn't even look him in the face when he realized that it was me and kept screaming my name. I can't believe this bullshit. Makes me wonder if we were ever together.
Grown Apart
Camryn
Eversince the feud with Jermaine, Chanel has been staying at my house. She refuses to have anything to do with Jermaine and I don't blame her. I feel heartbroken for her because I had to go through almost the same thing. She's numb. She won't even play with Cayden. All this stress and depression is not good for the baby. "Chanel, are you okay?", I asked. She looked at me and smiled softly. "I'm straight.",she replied. I know that she isn't and she's just trying to be strong for herself and her kid. I need her to tell me what is going through her mind right now.
Chanel
I can't think right, eat right, or even sleep good at night because of this. Jermaine has my mind messed up bigtime. I just can't imagine being without him, but at the same time I can't deal with him. I had took all my clothes and my ipad and laptop out of the house and have them over here at my sister's house. I need to get my own place away from everyone for a while and start fresh with just me and my baby. I need to find an escape out of this disaster. I just don't have the funds and I can work, but not at the good paying jobs because I'm pregnant. And if I do lie and get hired, I'll get layed off or fired for lying when they find out that I'm pregnant. I can't take this.
Jermaine
I fucked up badly.
****Flashback****
I came home with my homeboy, Tyshon, and I walked through the front door of my house and he was going to stay the night because he lives two cities away from me. As we walked in, I thought that Chanel was sleeping because all the lights in the apartment was off. When we walked in the living room, I saw Chanel's Macbook gone and her keys were not on the table. I speed-walked into our room to find all the drawers from her dresser on the bed. Empty. I looked in the closet and saw that all her shoes were gone. I looked in the bathroom and saw all her stuff gone accept a few things that was piled on the corner of the long counter next to the sink. It was pictures of us together, and everything that I had bought her; earrings, necklaces and the my Obey shirt that she always wear to bed when she feels like it. "Man she'll be back in the morning, she just angry and all that fume will wear off.", I said to Tyshon. I can't even believe my own self as I was sayin it. I need to make it up to her when she calms the fuck down.
Tyshon
I honestly knew that this was going to happen. Jermaine is a good person at heart, but he does things that hurts Chanel without even realizing it. And the worst part about this is that Chanel just knows about this time and is not aware of him going to 'work' at night to fuck other hoes. I want to tell Chanel, but I also want to be true to my nigga and stay out of his bussiness and stay a true ride-or-die nigga. "If Chanel comes back, hit me up brah. I'm going to Shay's house.", he said before he left me in the apartment alone. I stood there as I registered what was going through my head. He just cheated on his pregnant girlfriend and instead of going to see how she doing, he goes to see how his hoe is doing. I left the apartment and got in my car to go find Chanel. I know for a fact that she's by her older sister, Camryn's house. I need to give her hints for leaving Jermaine before he really hurts her.
It's For The Best
Chanel
I am truly moving on with my life. I know that I am going to become a young mother, but because of my ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend, I can start over a whole different way. I was crushed when I saw him hugged up on another girl. It made all my emotions come out and let it get the best of me. I shouldn't have gone at the girl at the grocery store like that, because I shoud have found out what the hell was going on. Now I completely understand everything. Not just what was going on with Jermaine and his unfaithfulness, but what Camryn and my family was trying to warn me about. I wish I can take back ever meeting Jermaine and his lies. I don't even want him around my kid when he or she is born. I'm done getting played over and over again. I have never been dumped and that because every boy who I went with, has cheated on me and I had to dump them. I know many things will happen in my life that I won't agree with, but it's life and quite frankly; I'm just glad the Lord blessed me to let me see another day and sent a wonderful angel. Jermaine is non-existent in my life for the time being until he goes and complains to someone about why he doesn't see his child and I'm going to tell them. It' s about time I'm doing me and I think that it's for the best.
Impressum
Texte: Bookrix-Edition
Bildmaterialien: Bookrix-Edition This will not be copyed by anyone or it is known as plaigarism.
Lektorat: Alexus Potier
Übersetzung: English
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 26.10.2012
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