Smiles

Welcome to echo park, east of hollywood and near downtown. We have a lake thats been here since the 2o's some of the homeboys kick-it there. Everthing I need to live is here there is no reason to leave. When i was 4 years old my family moved here from Mexico I thought moving here would be differnt but its exactly the same.Everone speaks spanish and as much violence as there was in Mexico. This is the place where are stories happen echo park. We have as much murders as we do births. We know what goes around comes around thats life in the echo ay.
My name is Margarita but they call me smiles because they say i have the must beautiful smile in all of echo park. When Me and Alandra were 12 we joined the gang are names were taken they gave me smiles and her dimples because well she had dimples. We were now both 15 years old arguing on who was juan favorite out of the two of us. "listen to your stupid ass he loves me" i yelled from across the street to were dimples lived. "No slut you know he loves me and carlos more" she yelled back. "o you know that my kids are juan's pride and joy" i screamed across apartmant from mines holding my son jesus and rubbing my stomach which was 7 months along. Alandra Aka dimples shout her window and fliped me off. I went back in to my kitchen to think about my life now.
I was only 15 teen years old and about to have my second child. I looked at jesus his black short hair was fresh and had a shaved star in it. I dressed him as a little cholo in dickies and jordens with a big white tee. My son was way cuter and had more swag then dimples son carlos. I was going to have a little girl I was naming her bianca. "mami' open this" jesus held a pudding cup to my face breaking my thoughts. I opened it and he ate. This was not how i pictured my life at 15 years old.
It was about 8 o'clock at night when i heard knocking at my apartmant door. When i opened it was juan I opened the door wide. We sat on the couch waching jesus play with his toy cars. "what you doing here?" i asked. "I cant check on my woman and my kid" he said in his cholo voice. I pointed out the fact i was pregnant "kids" he shook his head yes. I got up and took jesus a bath. Finally i got him in his pajamas and in bed "night mami, love you" he yelled "te amo" i said love you in spanish.
When i sat back on the couch, juan kissed me. We started making out When it hit 11 he said he had buissness to deal with and gave me 100 dollers for food and cloths for jesus and the new baby. i cleaned the kitchen then the livingroom. After cleaning i took a shower as i felt used just as a makeout buddie. I hit the bed and i was knocked out.
The next day was here ,i got jesus ready in khahki pants, a green flannel shirt and a pair of black jordens. " jesus want to come with mami shopping?" i asked him loudly he shook his head yes fastly. We went to echo park blvd the baby store was having a sale. I got a pink stroller and about 20 outfits for my baby. Jesus was so happy that i got him a pair of new jordens and 3 shirts. God did i love my kids with one not even here yet. After the long day of shopping we ate at the local taco shop little mexico. Jesus thought it was an amazing saturday until we bumped in to the witch herself dimples.
Juan left early cause dimples was calling him the bad news was that he was still seeing her. So it was just jesus and me i played with him He had the cutest giggle. "Hola papa" i sayed to him meaning baby "You will treat a girl right huh?" i asked him my son could be a gangster if he wanted but there was no way in hell he would ever treat a woman with disrespect. Through out the day i change him took him baths and feed him mother hood was pretty good i mean i loved Jesus but i do miss school and hanging out with my friends.

Flashback over

Dimples

I joined The echo park gang with smiles when i was 12. It was my idea to i felt it would make us stronger if we had a crew to back us up. To join we got are asses kicked for a minute , we felt like we had did something in are lives. I met Juan when we had just joined the gang he belonged to the locos. I fell in love with him , gave him everthing including my virgianty. From that i had got carlos my son.
My so called bestfriend Margarita Aka smiles and i grew up together. I taught her almost everthing there was to know. We were close almost sisters that all change two summers ago when i had just had my son carlos, my grandmother sent for both me and carlos to go and spend the summer with her in Mexico. There i left margarita and juan unsupervised without me present they both i guess got board and had sex. By the time i had got back smiles was 3 months pregnant.
The two of them tryed to keep it a secert and for the most part i was clueless of the fact smiles was having juan's son. But when little jesus was born he looked just like juan he could not deny the fact it was his kid. My heart was broken but for some reason i kept going back to juan i knew i was stupied but love is love. Juan had light carmel skin short black hair with a star shaved in it and tattoes down both his arms. He dressed in khakies everyday along with nike cortezes He had a six pack that was great. All in all he kinda looked like a mexican taylor lautner.
I had snow white skin and long straight black hair i always put it up like a 5o's pin-up girl. I never wore a full shirt they were always half or not even that sometimes it was bustier. along with jeans and nikes i was never much of the girly girl. Carlos did not look to much like Juan as jesus did. Carlos had curly hair that i kept short but didnt shave he had light skin like me unlike his half brother and dad who were both light carmel he was 3 yrs old i dressed him like a 3 yr old in dickies and cartoon shirts. Smiles claimed carlos was a white boys son but we all new my frist was juan to the fact i bled every where after we had done it. Juan never picked one of us instead he kinda picked both. I found out that he was still messing around with her about 4 months ago when it came out she was pregnant again. I didnt really care cause he still came to my house at least 3 times a week.
Snaping out of my thoughts i decided to take carlos to the lake to have a pinic with my little boy. As we walked down echo park blvd we bumped into the slut. She had a yellow dress that hoverd over her knees and white heels. Her stomach was huge , She held about 6 bags and little jesus's hand. We rolled are eyes at each other " move it slut!" i yelled people looked at us." dont be mad cause you cant controll your man" she yeld carlos started crying. "He still with me so i dont know what you talken about" i said rolling my eyes. " really cause we were making out last night!" she yeld in her very thick accent. "o shut up" and with that i walked away.

Juan

Echo park was home I had never lived any where else of my 18 years of life. I had seen my homies come and go. Most of them either died or in prison i had started in the game when i was 13 years old. I sold drugs for a living and was part of the locas. My brother had got me to join the locos 5 years ago. The week after he recruited me he was killed in a deal gone bad, I prayed ever night it wouldnt ever happen to me.

Flashback
Three years ago i met this girl name dimples I had to say she was hot. Dimples past by where i solid everyday, looking at me like i was some type of movie star. Finally i asked her out she told me she would not go any where with out her best friend i told her that was okay. I rember waiting out front in my lowrider of the apartmant Dimples lived at. A girl from the apartment across from hers came behind me. "Sorry homegirl but i got a date for tonight". i said in my cool cholo voice. "Well i would be honored to date you but ese im dimples friend smiles" she said winking at me. I had to say this girl smiles was fine as hell She had a nice body curvey in all the right places, and was the same skin color as me. smiles had on a white mini skirt and a pink half shirt with white heels. We both waited for dimples to come down "does your homegirl always take this long" i said Smiles started laughing.
Finally dimples came down from her apartment She had on a red tight dress that was super short. "hey" she said coming right up me and kissing the lips. We got in the car and drove to my homeboys Shady house. We hung there for the rest of the night, Dimples was all over me. So i told my boys i had to go. We droped off smiles at the apartment then me and dimples got it on. I had forgot one thing a condome. "o shit" i wishperd to myself i had decided to keep it to myself and not tell dimples.
It had been 2 months since me and dimples hooked up. I had decied to date her we crept around her parents house. One night we were making out i was trying to take my belt off when she stoped me. "juan we got to talk" she got up from under me "listen this is grave shit" telling me it was serious stuff. " im pregnant" tears started forming in her eyes i grabed her and told her everthing was going to okay, but actually i didnt know the frist thing to do.

Flashback over

My Heart

Smiles Flashback

I rember all the times Alandra and I would walk to the lake and pretend across the lake was a different world. The world was full of riches and candy, it change when alandra fell in love. Dimples would met me at the park everday talking about some boy like he was romeo and shit. Finally he had asked her out after two months of her trying to get him to take a notice of her. " Smiles you have to come on my date" alandra was talking me into joining her on the date. "Why I am just going to feel like a third wheel" i protested, We were at the lake talking about the mysterious Juan. " no you wont i promise, please come" Dimples puppy dog eyes started to get watery. "Fine dimples, but it wont be fun" she gave me a bear hug telling me i was the best amigo in the world.
The night of the date i had told my parents that i was beign a chaperone to alandra date. They said as long as it wasnt me they were fine with it. I got dressed in a white mini skirt a half pink shirt that showed my belly button and white heels. My hair just straight down that touched my hips and my makeup was light pink lipgloss with lip liner and mascerra on my eyes. I tryed not to look to much like a chola it was dimples night to shine. "hasta luego" i yelled bye to my parents and ran down the apartment stairs. I saw a green low rider with a vato on the side of it. He fit the discription of juan about 5'9 light carmel skin short black hair with a star shaved in the side. Juan had on dickie shorts with a white t-shirt and nike cortezes. I walked to him and he turned around probably hearing the sound of my heels " sorry homegirl i got a date for tonight maybe later" he said like a true cholo. "well i would be honored to be your date, but ese im dimples friend smiles" i said with a wink. We waited so long for Dimples i forgot why we were hangout. "Does your homegirl always take this long" Juan asked me i couldnt help but laugh this boy was cute. Soon dimples came down from the apartment she had on the dress i gave her cause she had nothing for a date in her closet. My tight red dress looked good on her of course i looked twice as good but o well. Juan told us we were going to shadys house for a party.
It was fun party we hungout there for hella long. Dimples was basically having sex with juan with her cloths on. For some reasone i could not help but to be jealousy of her she had a man and i didnt. Juan had told us it was time to go we drove in slience with me in the back and them in the front. When we pulled up to the apartments i was the only one who got out of the car. Dimples shoed me off like some type of dog. I knew exactly what was going down. The next day alandra told me all about it how she bled the pain she had after and how awkaward it was later.
2 months past and dimples was Juan hyna (girlfriend). Dimples had told me they had the best relationship in the world. I had noticed she was acting wierd feeling sick all the time always eating or starving herself. Then she told me the most shocking thing "im pregnant" she whisperd to me.

Pain

For sure Juan and i were in love. My skin turned hot when i was around him ,i had fell hard over the boy. Of course there was problems i was only 12 years old he was about to be 16, but little did i know the biggest problem was soon to come.
When I had found out i was pregnant it broke me to pieces. My parents told me they would support me i was glad to I didnt know how to do this by myself. I had Juan but god i hope he was telling the truth that he was going to stick by my side to raise are child. God when we found out we were haveing a boy.

Dimples Flashback
"well you are having a boy" the doctor said exicted like. Juan cheered yelling he was going to have a little vato. I was excited to be giving juan his frist son clearly so was he I had choose to name him carlos after my late uncle may he R.I.P.
10 months had past i had my son here now. My abuelita had sent me two tickets to Mexico for the summer to stay with her. To say the least i was happy i would be away from Echo park for a couple of months but i didnt wont to leave my boyfriend or my bestfriend. I rember Juan telling me he loved me and to come back as soon as possibly. Smiles had said that we would talk everyday on the phone and she would fill me in on everthing going down at echo park. When i said my goodbyes to all my homegirls and boys i had began to let emotoins get the best of me. I waved to all of them from inside the car on the way to echo park, but i knew when i came back my life would be back to normal.
We had been in mexico for almost a month now. Carlos was growing already i just wished juan could see it. I had talked to smiles ever night since we left for the summer "hey girl what happened today?" i asked her. "well you know the regular day in echo" smiles answerd we talked for only 10 minutes at the beginning of the summer we had talked for hours but lately the calls were just getting shorter and shorter. Sometimes i thought she had found a new bestfriend but i knew margarita would never find one as close as we were.

End of Flashback

What Have We Done

It had been a month since Dimples had left. I missed her very much, What do you expect from people who see each other ever day for the past 10 years. I tryed staying at home but couldnt, but then it hit me i choose to hangout with the locas for the summer. This is where are problems begins.

Smiles Flashback

Hangout everday with the locos was fun. We had no rules did whatever we liked all summer . I rember one day the best out of all of them it started like this. "can i go somewhere" i called to my father yelled back in spanish it was okay. I put on black leggings with a half purple top and black sandles. My brown curly hair reached my hips i put on little makeup beacuse of the heat outside. My homegirl sweetie-pie and Mariposa waited for me outside "What up girl" they called as i was walking up to the car. We drove up the garage one of the many locas hangout spots. When the 3 of us got out everyone threw up they're signs telling us they belong to the locas we threw ares back.
I knew everyone that was in the garage they all were either cholos or cholas from echo park. The most damage happen after this party to mines and dimples friendship. It had started when both sweetie-pie and mariposa had found vatos to take them home i had to find a ride. It was my lucky day Juan had just pulled up to the garage. "What up juan?" i asked him trying to get a ride home. " Nothing you heard from dimples" he asked me " yeah she be busy out there though" he nodded his head and looked away. " can you drive me home" i asked he just looked at me with a smirk and got back in the car i took this as a yes. He put on some oldies that was the only sound in the car for a while. When we pulled up to my aparment we started to talk " You know i miss my hyna" he asked but not really as a question i just nodded yes. he kept on talking "i need to get my mind off her this summer" he said getting closer to me i looked up and said i understood and i needed the same thing. " well i need your help" he said rubbing up and down my leg again i nodded a yes.
We left the front of the aparment building to Juans house because his mother wouldnt get off of work till 2 am. First we made out then started to take off cloths thats the last thing i rember of that night besides the fact my parents begin against prenancy pills and never giving them to me. That was the day Juan and i had broke dimples to pieces.
That night i made grilled cheese sandwhichs for the both of us. We watched Juans favorite movie scarface at least twice in one night. The trying to pretend didnt last long though cause we had started always doing it 24/7 i felt in love until the worst possibly thing happend to me. "Juan i fucking pregnant" i screamed juan looked so anger he started to go back and fourth across his room "what the hell are we going to alandra?, smiles" that was the first time i heard him call dimples her real name. " i guess i could tell her i dont know who it is" i said hopeing he didnt like the plan making me sound easy. " thats a great idea , pretend that youdont even know" he grabed me a started to kiss me all over. What have we done kept replaying in my head the whole time.
It was the day dimples and carlos were coming back from Mexico. Let me tell you i was scared out of my mind of what was going to happen today. I had went with dimples parents to pick them up. We drove all the way to LAX she had on dickie pants and a flannel shirt my chica was back. We talk forever just saying what we did this summer but when dimples noticed the belly on me she had to ask. " mija your pregnant" She looked shocked because i had never had a boyfriend in my thirteen years , i just nodded my head yeah Dimples i got huge "whos" she asked trying not to sound rude but this was the question that killed me " i dont know" i said looking down. I was lying to my bestfrien i knew exacty whos her boyfriend juan. After that we were quiet there was not much to say execpt wow.
Time past juan would pretend like we didnt know each other most of time when alandra was around. It hurt me that we had to hide but it would have hurt alandra more i tought. When Juan and alandra werent screwing he would come by my house and we would kick-it late sometimes it would change to makeing out and stuff but for the most it was talking about are kid. I also rember finding out i was having a boy i choose the name myself jesus was nice name i thougth. Juan wanted the baby to be a ganster all in my eyes he could be whatever he wanted. Once i got a job that paid pretty good money i got an aparment under my older sisters name bacause of my age of only beign 13. I was excited to have my own place it came with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, livingroom and 1 bath this place was nice.
The day i went in to labor it was my sister Marisol and i at my aparment. Marisol called everyone my parents who brought along my younger brother alberto who was 9 and Alandra came with Juan. I was happy that she brought him because how would i explain to him he missed are Jesus birth. "Ahhhhhhhh" i screamed as i pushed "push" the doctor yelled i pushed for 5 minutes straight finally jesus arrived on August 12 2010. When the doctor put jesus in my arms my eyes poured tears. I called two people at a time to come see jesus first was marisol & alberto. " Come in" i signal them to come in alberto held jesus "cool im an uncle" i laughed at him then marisol held him her eyes scaned him like a book she just smiled "he is so cute" and gave him back but not before giving him a kiss. Then my parents came my mom said jesus was the cutest thing in the world papa' said he was handsome (guapo). This was good no one noticed the fact jesus looked just like juan. My nerves started to rush when they told me alandra was coming in with juan.
Alandra came right in and jumped on the bed, juan just stood on the edge of the bed looking at me. "let me hold him" alandra said i handed him to her she looked up "what the hell huh" i was confused she got up i gave the baby to juan "heres your son" she screamed i didnt have any words at the time. Juan looked at me then back at jesus "what is his last name" he asked me "well it can be yours if you want" i answerd he told me yes. When i put the fathers name i felt better about myself.
After everone left it was just jesus and i. Jesus led next to me his soft black her looked great with his light carmel skin. The day we were let out i put him in blue moneky pjs "hola jesus" i said to my new baby boy not that i excepted him to say hi back. "Do you love your mama'" i kissed him on his cheeks about a million times i couldnt wait to take my healthy baby home. The nurse came in asking if i had a ride home or if i needed a taxi this i didnt know the answer to. I walked out front there was a green lowrider i knew exactly who it was "what a suprise" i said through the window "entra" he called to me telling me to get in he even had a car seat for jesus this ese dont play i thought. We drove listening to the oldies " Did you talk to dimples" i asked "si' she is okay".
Once we got home i held jesus as juan watched the football game. "mija make me something to eat" juan asked this is why he liked me cause i was a housewife cleaned, cooked and had kids all alandra did was screw and barely had her kid. "sure" i got up and made arozo rojo with chicken for the both of us and a bottle of milk for jesus. We ate i mean i could cook hella good for only the age of 13. When we were done i washed dishes then took a shower after i got out i put jesus to bed. We stared kissing after that and everthing was a blur but luckly you cant get pregnant right after you had just had a kid.
The next day Juan left early to go to dimples house to check on her and carlos. Unfortunatly they were still dating so i was still the other women. All day i played with jesus watch him sleep i just couldnt believe he was all mine i didnt have to share this boy with nobody. Jesus was no cry-baby i was lucky didnt have to do to much just bathed him, feed him, change him and put him to sleep. Before i knew it was are first day by are selfs was over and i loved ever minute of it.

FlashBack Over

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 03.07.2012

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Widmung:
To all the people who have been in a gang or know someone i one.