Chapter one

101 Ways to annoy your teacher-
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, you answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, you answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, you say “is that so?”
5. If you so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher you did not turn in your homework because you were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
10. Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
11. Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
12. Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one or two points higher than it actually is.
13. While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
14. When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
15. Roll your pencil across the desk.
16. Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of you as the cymbals.
17. Never bring a pen or pencil so you always have to borrow one from the teacher.
18. Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
19. Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
20. Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if you fall over backward.
21. Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if you snap and crack it with out being caught.
22. When possible, eat food in class. Loud, crunchy food.
23. Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate 180 degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
24. Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
25. Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if you just came from recess lunch.
26. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if you can go to the bathroom.
27. Ask if you can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
28. Put too many staples on your paper when you staple it. Extra points if you make a good design with them.
29. Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
30. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
31. Blurt out the answers to the teachers questions.
32. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your seat and shout “I know, I know!”
33. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm tree in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
34. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
35. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
36. Make basket shots with every paper you want to throw away. Extra points if you get a basket.
37. When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story you know.
38. When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
39. When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells you to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
40. When the teacher calls on you say “finally”—Even if you where picked first.
41. Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
42. For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures you can find.
43. Whistle while you work.
44. Never seem to listen to directions.
45. Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
46. Comb, brush, or braid your hair in class.
47. Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
48. Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
49. Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
50. Laugh out loud for no reason.
51. Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
52. Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
53. After everything your teacher says say “That’s what you think”.
54. If you have a substitute teacher, ask you and your friends to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
55. Track sand into the classroom by “accident”.
56. Keep dropping your pencil.
57. Call her “grandma”.
58. Call him “grandpa”
59. Throw lots of spit wads.
60. Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming you were actually nice”.
61. After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
62. Hide other books inside of text books and appear to be reading the text book.
63. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
64. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
65. Make up humorous excuses for being late.
66. Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
67. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time you finished something. Anything.
68. Annoy Ms./Mr.(teachers name) AT ALL COST.
69. If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
70. Make animal shows on projector.
71. Read your math book when you are supposed to be reading history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
72. Read comic books hidden in your text books.
73. Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your heart and say “WOW!”
74. Ask the same question the teacher just finished answering 10 minutes ago.
75. Knock a heavy text book off your desk again…and again…and again….and again….
76. Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
77. Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
78. Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing 2 minutes later to annoy your teacher.
79. Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
80. Read out loud during silent reading time.
81. Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
82. Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
83. Write stupid questions on your desk.
84. Put messages in your textbooks.
85. Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
86. While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
87. Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
88. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
89. Make your id picture hard to read.
90. Put staples all over the floor.
91. If you have the guts, start a food fight. ?
92. Come in just after the bell every day.
93. Complain about the food at the school cafeteria.
94. Pretend like you have only one brain cell.
95. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
96. Laugh stupidly. Often.
97. Talk loudly about your favorite show.
98. If you can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty minutes of your favorite cd over it. Extra points if you do not get caught.
99. Play coin football during silent reading time.
100. Gather your stuff ten minutes before class ends.
101. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.


101 Ways to Annoy people at Walmart-
1) Stand in the middle of Walmart and yell to everyone, "I MADE A PEE PEE!!!"...
2) And when people respond by staring at you as if you're a freak, yell, "WHAT?! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?! I MADE A PEE PEE IN THE POTTY! YAAAAY!!!"...
3) And grin proudly when you hear scattered applause
4) Wear a t-shirt inside Walmart that says, "Walmart was Created By Satan for His Spawns To Buy Cheap Underwear"
5) Go inside the magazine section and yell, "I DON'T SEE THE PLAYBOY MAGAZINE! WHAT THE *bleep*?! WHERE'S MY HOT CHICKS?!" (Works especially if you're a girl)...
6) Fake extreme happiness when a perverted old man says, "It's right here, help yourself, I already bought fourteen copies."...
7) And ask him why he bought so much and then act extremely disgusted when he says, "I'm givin' one to my grandson Jimmy for his fourth birthday!"
8) Go inside the music section and start smashing a popular CD...
9) And when someone comes over to ask you why you're stomping it, act angry...
10) And say, "Yo momma told me to!" and snap in their face
11) During Christmastime, put on a Michael Jackson outfit and hold a Santa Station where you get little kids to sit on your laps...
12) Then have a friend yell, "HEY! ISN'T THAT THE PEDOPHILE THAT WAS ON TV?!"...
13) Then strike the MJ customary crotch thrust and run outta there
14) Go to the food aisle and start cramming your face with food...
15) And when someone comes up to you asking what you're doing, yell, "I'M EATING! THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!!!"...
16) And then yell and scream as you are "escorted" out of Walmart
17) Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler suit that makes you look like you're 2000 pounds...
18) And try to walk in Walmart's front door...
19) And then threaten to sue when you get stuck
20) Hijack Walmart's intercom system and play "Fergalicious" over and over again
21) Try to steal from Walmart...
22) Obviously
23) Start a pretend fight in Walmart with your friend over cheap understuffs, yelling, "THESE FROOT OF THE LOOMS ARE WAY BETTER THAN YOUR SECRET DEODARANT!"...
24) And then act digusted when a crowd of the opposite gender gathers around you, rooting you on
25) Start a Soul Train line in the Entertainment department
26) Declare today "Free Samples Of Everything Day"...
27) And take free samples of...everything :)
28) Offer yourself as a movie critic for walmart...
29) And every movie that the customer tries to buy, say, "That movie sucks! Find something else, dipshit."
30) Start a protest outside walmart...
31) And when people ask you, "Why are you starting a protest?", yell loudly...
32) "WALMART IS RACIST! I DON'T EVER SEE ANY ALBINOS WORKING THERE!!!"...
33) And laugh triumphantly when people start joining you (Sorry, albinos, no harm meant :)
34) Kiss everyone that enters Walmart on Valentine's day
35) And during February, dress up as Love Bear from the Care Bears...
36) And yell, "Sleep with Love Bear! Five dollars!"...
37) Act disgusted when a bunch of pedophiles come up and pay...
38) And hand them a Love Bear toy :p
39) Throw a temper tantrum...
40) And then chuck ring pops at people
41) Go up to random walmart employees...
42) And glomp them...
43) And then gush, "I love how you're destroying small buisnesses like a mack truck!"
44) Yell to your brother or a guy friend in the underwear aisle, "DON'T YOU NEED THOSE SPECIAL BOXER SHORTS THAT HELP REDUCE LEAKAGE?"...
45) And then run when he comes after you
46) Go to the book section lick all the books...
47) And when someone asks you what you're doing say, "I really have no *bleep*ing idea!"
48) Try on some spiderman gloves...
49) Hop on some shelves...
50) And try to spin a web like Spiderman on the ceiling...
51) And once successful, try to swing from it...
52) And sue walmart when you break your neck
53) Hijack all the TVs in walmart to all play the same thing...
54) And then turn the TVs to Flavor of Love
55) Have yourself and 3 other kids dress up like the kids from South Park...
56) And yell, "WHERE'S THE HEART OF WALMART?! I'M HERE TO DESTROY IT!"...
57) And get pissy like Cartman when they ignore you
58) Set up a "Free Hugs" station outside of Walmart
59) Kill all the lights in walmart...
60) On Halloween...
61) Dress up as Jason...
62) Rev your chainsaw...
63) And enjoy the results...
64) But no killing, because it would really SUCK to die in Walmart
65) Go to the person that does the intercom...
66) Hand them a piece of paper with what they're about to say written on it...
67) And laugh uncontrollably when the person on the intercom yells, "WILL ALARG EASS PLEASE COME TO THE FOOD SECTION?" (If you don't get it, say it fast over and over)...
68) And look confused when Mr. Alarg Eass comes to the food section and say, "Yeeeessss?" like that French guy on The Simpsons
69) Take your shopping cart, hop on it...
70) And run over peoples' feet deliberately
71) Go to Walmart the day George Bush (Jr.) is supposed to be shopping there...
72) Take his cart...
73) And look inside it and yell, "I DON'T REMEMBER PUTTING THIS IN HERE!!!"...
74) And hold up a my little pony
75) Dress up on stilts like a very tall person...
76) And wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting populace of Walmart
77) Dress up like Homer Simpson...
78) Go into the donut department...
79) And drool for fifteen hours straight
80) Dress up like George Bush...
81) And ask, "Can I buy any weapons of mass destruction here?" Sorry Bush shippers :)
82) Dress up in a flasher suit and follow an attractive member of the opposite sex around XD
83) Keep asking the opposite gender walmart workers, "Are you REALLY open 24 hours, or are you just happy to see me?"
84) When a worker asks you, "Why don't you just work here? I see you here a lot" say...
85) "I can't afford to have a pay of 5 cents an hour, sorry."
86) Start a walmart hate website
87) Grab all the spray cheese you can find...
88) And spray it all over Walmart...
89) And laugh when they have to close walmart because of "Some idiot plastered everything with cheese!"
90) Keep yelling, "SAM'S CLUB IS BETTER THAN THIS DUMP!"
91) Grab some grits...
92) And keep yelling, "KISS MY GRITS!" Your voice might be super hoarse after yelling so much with this list :)
93) Play slip and slide...
94) In the grocery aisle...
95) With not a slip n slide, but with butter...
96) And laugh when they close walmart due to "Butter difficulties."
97) Buy a pack of matches...
98) Make sure everyone is outside of Walmart...
99) Torch Walmart...
100) Make everyone join hands in a circle around Walmart...
101) And sing, "Burn, Baby Burn" as it goes down, down, down to the ground


101 Ways to Bug your brother-
1.Sing as loudly as you can and make sure he can hear you
2.Cover your ears and go blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,etc.
3.Tickle him (if he's ticklish)
4.Laugh at him (even if what he says isn't funny), until it drives him mad
5.Walk into his room & smack him with a pillow, then walk out
6.When he says shut up, say make me and if he says shut up again, say make me again
7.Make loud and obnoxious noises right next to him
8.Whenever he says something say "why?"
9.Whenever he says something say "huh?" like you don't get it
10.Whenever he says something, don't let him finish, interrupt him with stupid stuff like "cows" or "bean dip"
11.Poke him constantly again and again and again
12.Say "Hey, (his name), is that that girl you like over there?" loudly, and point at random girl.
13.Loudly yell "EW! When was the last time you took a shower!?"
14.When standing next to him, yell "Omigosh, there's a hobo next to me!" Then punch him repeatedly
15.Roll around on the ground and say "I love you SOOOO much (Brothers name)"
16.Hug him and don't let go
17.Slap him and run, as he makes a big deal trying to catch you
18.Or, yell "Help! Police! Child molestor!
19.Make obnoxious noises, and when he tells you to shut up yell "Profanity! Profanity!" and point at him
20.Tell strangers that he's your smoking hot "olda boy" boyfriend.
21.Follow him really, REALLY closely
22.Make farting noises behind him and hide
23.Stare at him
24.If he slaps you, yell "Child Abuse!"
25.Or say in a gruff voice "Is that all you got maggot?"
26.Start dancing and yell to him to "Cut a rug"
27.Run away and hide, and get him in huge trouble for losing you
28.Pick up trash you find, pretend to throw it away, then put it down his shirt
29.Scream
30.Run around him in circles
31.Get mom or dad mad enough to spank him-always a classic
32.Critisize the clothes he's wearing
33.Screw around with his hair
34.Loudly proclaim "I LOVE you"
35.Talk to everyone (including him) with a lisp
36.Say you want something you know you can't have, and when he tells you no cry really loudly
37.Jump on his back and yell "PIGGYBACK RIDE!"
38.After every word you say to him, say "like"
39.Tell on him for something he didn't do
40.Go in his room and refuse to come out, when he drags you out tell on him for hurting you
41.Steal the remote when he's watching something and change the channel
42.Start hitting him and when he hits back tell on him and say "He started it"
43.Jump on his stuff
44.Hide his stuff and deny all knowledge of it
45.Pretend to act like a gangster
46.Act like a robot
47.Stand in front of the television when he's watching something or playing video games
48.When he's doing homework and leaves, erase random problems
49.Use incorrect grammer
50.Pronounce stuff wrong
51.When he asks parents for homework help, volunteer and yell "I'LL DO IT I'LL DO IT!
52.When he says no, pout and hide in your room for an hour
53.Ask him if he wants to do some fidafhasjdfhakdj
54.Put some sort of poo in his room
55.Spit on him
56.Lick him
57.Yell "I was born to dance!" And dance around him, stepping on his toes
58.Say "My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" and stab him with a rubber or plastic sword
59.If he keeps some sort of toy gun, steal it and hold him up with it
60.Get two walkie talkies, turn them on and hide one under his pillow, then at night whisper loudly into it "I'm watching you"
61.Take pictures of him all the time
62.Record him saying something embaressing/dumb
63.Bite him
64.When he asks you to play something agree, then two minutes into it quit for the most ridiculous reason you can think of
65.Say "are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Repeat.
66.If he brought something to do, hide it right before you leave
67.Sing
68.If you're really small, run to the car and sit in the front seat before he can
69.When he's about to sit in a seat, sit there
70.Touch him in some way
71.Steal whatever he's doing, and sit on it
72.If he's looking out the window, slap him really hard on the back of the neck
73.Start humming and when he tells you to stop, ask "Stop what?"
74.Kick him
75.Blow in his ear
76.Bang on car stuff
77.Flick the person driving and blame it on him
78.Tell him "You ain't fat! You ain't nothin'!"
79.If he's sitting in the front seat, poke and or flick him
80.Say "Comesaywhaaaaaa?"
81.Quote stupid things
82.Threaten him with things you know you can't do
83.Do something that will get you carsick and barf on him
84.Eat something with lots of crumbs close to him
85.Before he sits down, put a whoopee cushion on his seat
86.Whisper in his ear "Mooonnnkkkeyyyyychuuunnnnkkkkssss"
87.Roll down the window and scream
88.Imitate celebrities
89.Ask him what a carburator, transmission, and other random car parts are
90.Say loudly "So how are your grades doing?"
91.Rub yourself against him and say "You're warm"
92.Talk in a british accent
93.Talk in a Russian accent
94.Pretend to speak Japanese
95.Pretend to be a Monty Python
96.Talk in old American
97.Act like you just came from Africa
98.Speak like a Indian
99.Act like a monkey or another animal
100.Pretend to be fancy
101.Pretend to play the drums on his lap

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 16.04.2012

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