Chapter 1

36 days later

Day 1 of tour seemed to be going smoothly. Ally and I were in the top of the bus, the boys took the bottom so we could all get a little more privacy. Milo however was my constant companion though I did feel bad stealing him from Tyler so often. He assured me he was fine with it though and frankly I was just happy to be with a male who didn’t have an opinion on me at all.

Our bus traveled down back roads and through cities I had only dreamed about. I hadn’t been this excited for an adventure in a while but it was weird that it was more of a solo project rather than a band now. I know we had all agreed it was better this way but it still felt strange. I didn’t really enjoy being in the lime light all the time but I guess it would be something I would have to get used to.
Our bus finally parked and we all made it outside. Alex stood next to us letting us know how tonight’s festivities would happen.

“There’s a front band playing before you tonight, they start at 7, they get roughly 45 to 50 mins depending on how long their set list is, we will have a brief intermission giving you guys time to set up and then your set will begin, it ends at the end of your set list but that’s roughly 2 hours everyone clear?”

We nodded.

“Okay, everyone is required to clean up, showers, hair styles make up whatever you need to do and meet back here in a few hours”

“Can I get a run in?” I asked.

Alex rolled his eyes “I don’t know what it is with you and your runs but yes, just make it a quick one, don’t wonder off too far”

I nodded.

I went back into the bus to change into my gym clothes and grab my ipod, I laced up Milo on his leash so he could get some exercise and took off.

I decided to just make a couple laps around the auditorium supposing it would be about a mile around.

Milo and I made it halfway around and spotted the other bands bus. Several guys standing around. They were pulling guitars out of their bus.

I slowed to a walk as I approached. There were 3 of them. Tall, nicely built, one of them caught my attention though I couldn't place "why" right away.

I came to a dead stop when he turned around, still talking to the other band mates and his smile looked familiar. I suddenly placed exactly who it was.

I backed up slowly and took off in the opposite direction. Milo and I made it back up to our own bus where Tyler and Alex stood outside talking about stage set up.

"Tyler, take Milo" I held out the leash "I don't want him to see what I'm about to do to Alex"

They looked puzzled.

"Nice day for a run isn't it Alex?" I snapped

Tyler grabbed the leash from me.

"I suppose?"

"Around the building" I continued.

He still looked confused

"So Hey, by the way while we are on the subject of around the building who's the band who is playing first?" I asked crossing my arms.

He stammered to find an answer "Well, uhh you've never heard of them?"

"Really? Do they have a name?"

"Uhh...you know, I bet they do but I didn't get an answer on that one, why don't I go try and get a name for you?"

"Why don't you tell me who's in the band"

Tyler was clearly confused by everything though he was still standing with us waiting for an answer.

"You know how you always wondered if Daniel was ever going to do anything with his musical talents?" Alex spoke and took a step back

Tyler's eyes widened "The one who wrote the music about?! The one who broke your heart!? Oh my god he's here?!"

"How could you" I looked at Alex. "After everything I've tried to do to move on and you put me right back in the middle of all of it"

"He requested this! I couldn't say no!"

"Yes you can! You tell me no all the time!"

"Cassie calm down, I think your getting worked up over nothing"

"Are you kidding me? Our entire set list is an ode to how I hate the boy who broke me, and as it turns out the boy will be here to hear all of it!" I yelled.

"Cass---"

" I should fire you right now----"

"Cassie" Tyler touched my arm

I looked up at him, he was pointing off behind me. I turned around and Daniel stood with his band mates on the steps of the auditorium entrance just a few feet from me.

I looked back at Alex "You and I, are about to go rounds" I muttered to him.

I turned back around and faced Daniel. He of course was still as handsome as ever, maybe even more so, he had a scruffy rocker look going on that I kind of found attractive. In fact they all did. This was a boy band on rocker crack....hottness to a whole new level. Dammit!

"Wow hi, its been ages" I fake smiled "Have you met our newest member? Tyler,...?" I said pushing him forward.


Daniel smiled "Aye, I'm Daniel, this is Josh and Sam, Josh plays drums and Sam is my bass player"

"Oh so you sing?" Tyler asked reaching forward and shaking hands with the enemy.

"Yeah but I play lead guitar too" Daniel offered his hand out.

What was this a peace treaty!? Everyone back to your stations! This is war!

"Well we should get back, need to get ready and all" I pulled Tyler back towards the bus.

"Nice to see you" Daniel smiled and waved as they walked back into the auditorium

We walked back onto the bus and I turned and faced Alex.

"I know your mad" he held up his hands "But listen to me, I'm trying to expand your fan base, Daniel has gathered a bit of a large one and it can only help"

Ally and Levi were on the couch and now interested "Daniel?" Ally pipped up.

"Yeah didnt you see him outside with his Nysnc wanna be boys?" I snapped "Alex made them our opening act"

"No way!" Levi got up "Cant believe you didnt tell us!" He pushed passed me and Alex, shot out the door like a bat out of hell and took off for the auditorium

"He's not good with social cues, clearly this is a bad thing" Ally smiled as she followed him out....

"I'm going to fire you... I'm going to rehire you, kick your ass and fire you again!"

Tyler started chuckling.

I spun around and faced him now on the couch "Something funny?!?!"

"Your threats, their cute" he smiled

I glared

"And that was terrible timing, Hey I think I'll go finish Milo's walk" he took the dog and left the bus.

"Cassie--"

"No, you know what? All this time your telling me to get over him move on with my life so I try to put distance between us and you go behind my back and do this"

"I'm sorry!"

"You should of told me!"

"I know!"

I sighed, "Just one night I guess right? How bad can it be"

"Funny story" Alex smiled "They actually signed on for the whole tour"

"Your shitting me"

"I said, Funny story?"

I couldn't speak...

"Look! You don't have to talk to him! He's on before you, he goes back to his bus and we're off to the next stop! We get his fan base interested in your music and we generate more sales and publicity, everyone wins!"

" If this goes horribly awry and I think we both know it will, your in for a big fat 'I told you so'--Just so we're clear"

"We're clear" he held up his hands again as if I were going to shoot him.

"I'm going to take a shower, I don't want to talk about this anymore, but just know, your on my shit list now okay? " I walked off

"Oh what else is new" Alex muttered under his breath and left the bus.

Chapter 2

The tour continued as usual, I stayed out of Daniel's way, he seemed to stay out of mine, as if he was afraid of me or what I might do if he got too close. His band mates tried talking to me but I blew them off. In a high maintenance fashion, something I'm not fond of but I did to keep them all away from me. This was my dream and no matter how hard Daniel tried he couldn't ruin this for me. Not again.

I sat in the bus with my guitar humming to myself, as we drove to our next destination. Street lights from the highway shone through the bus windows as we passed them. A text on my phone popped up.

It was Daniel's number, a number I hadn't seen in a while.

"hate me?"

"no"

"Really?, do you know what hate means?"

"I'm avoiding"

"Why?"

"Because its better this way"

"I'm sorry, I know its been rough between us for a while, but I'm trying to work this out Cassie you have to help me here"

"Staying away from you seems to be working for me"

"You cannot be serious, Its so awkward, I know you feel it"

"It would be a lot easier not to feel anything if you stopped watching me perform"

"I can't help it, I think the solo thing looks good on you, you always had the talent to go solo, we were all just a shield you hid behind anyway"

I didn't reply... there was nothing to say. I know he meant what he said, he had been a jerk but he always told me straight up.

My phone lit up again,....

"I miss you cass, if for nothing else than our friendship, this doesn't have to be awkward we can just take it one step at a time? All that I ask is you not avoid me, the guys have asked if I have the plague lol"

"Tell them Tool isn't contagious its learned lol "

"at least you laughed when you insulted me, now we are getting somewhere"

"One day at a time, That's all I can give you"

"That's enough"

I shut my phone and went back to playing my guitar.

Levi knocked on my door.

He sat down on the bench in front of me in the tight space of my room. "how ya doin" he smiled.

"I'm fine Levi, nothing serious to report"

"Look I know your not happy Daniel is on tour with us"

"Pfft"

"At least he's not in the same bus?"

"pfft"

I continued playing my guitar and writing down lines of a song I was working on while he spoke.

"I know things got messed up, I'm not a fan of how he handled anything but I know he feels bad about it, he misses you and he wants things to go back to normal, especially since we have a while to go yet on this tour"

"I know, he text me"

"he did?"

"yes, just now"

"oh!"

"Anything else?"

"um... no, whatcha working on?"

"Just some scribbles.."

He paused for a moment, "You remember that song you used to play on your guitar all the time, you and Daniel, you guys drove me nuts with that song when I joined the band, it was like the first song I learned how to drum to because you guys wouldn't let it go"

"California" I smiled.

"Yeah!"

"Phantom Planet, it was our favorite song back in the day not many people know what it is now"

"Pfft, I'll never get it out of my head"

"Yeah that was a good song"

I thought back to being a teenager sitting in Daniel's garage playing this song with him. I sang lead because I was trying so hard to impress him. back before Jason, before friends or bands got in the way. Maybe that's what we needed, a way to start over....


We finally reached our destination early in the morning. We unloaded the buses and everyone crammed inside to do a sound check.
Daniel and his boy band were no where to be found, they were clearly parked just not coming in for a sound check just yet. We went ahead and wrapped up our own and headed off to the bus. I was unable to speak to him in person all night...I felt as if I needed to clear the air, start over. Maybe we could make this friendship thing work?

The crowd poured in and Daniels band started. I walked to the side of the stage and watched him play. I could tell he was enjoying himself, it had been a while since I had seen him smile that much. I know he missed performing, I guess this was best for him too.

His blue eyes glanced over at me and smiled in between breaths of his song. He still caught me off guard, like my heart wouldn't let me forget he was the one I had longed for for so many years. But it was better we were friends. A clean slate was what we needed nothing more.

His band wrapped and it was our turn...


half hour into our set I belted out my lyrics in hopes Daniel didn't hear the words as well as I was saying them. I glanced back at Levi a few times, and then to Tyler and Ally to make sure everyone was with me. Were we having fun? I felt my nerves shooting from every inch of my body.

The song ended and I felt a memory flood my mind. It was the memory of Daniel and I belting out Phantom Planet in his garage, again. Just two kids really enjoying their guitars and their music. Maybe I could fix this now? Maybe I didn't need to talk to him, Maybe I just needed to do something crazy to show him this could be okay.... to prove to myself this would be okay... well that would take some convincing but this could work for now?


I pulled the mic to my face " How about a change of pace guys, how many of you rocker kids know who Phantom Planet is?" I called out. The crowd cheered,

"Would you guys mind a change of guitarist?" I looked at Tyler and the guys,

Tyler looked confused. Levi motioned off stage where Daniel stood watching me play. Levi Pointed at him "Aye! switch"

Levi motioned to Ally to get off the stage, they grabbed Tyler and handed Daniel his guitar as they walked off stage.

Daniel walked out, the crowd screamed clearly there were girls here tonight.

He walked up to the mic with me "Heyyyyy, I have no idea whats going on right now" He laughed.

A sweet laugh, A raspy sweet laugh I had missed so much.

I started picking California on my guitar and smiled at Daniel. He smiled at me and started on his guitar.

He started singing, his sweet voice echoed in my ears "We been on the run driving in the sun looking out for number one, California here we come, right back where we started from--" he sang,

He kept his eyes on me... I continued playing. The crowd was eating this up.

I looked off to my left and saw Alex standing with the other band members all smiling. As if they had accomplished a goal of getting us back together. This was my idea dammit! They could not take credit! though come to think of it, Levi did mention this song to me?

Daniel belted it out next to me, I joined in back vocals.... We were sharing a microphone until I stepped off into my own into the second verse...

I continued playing my guitar but he let go of his. Both hands on his microphone, eyes closed... So heartfelt, I felt like we were back in the garage again. This was the boy I fell in love with, the one who put music before anything else. The one who shared his darkest secrets with me, the one who didn't even notice me when I was in love with him...

Crap... I'm not over him.


The song wrapped and Daniel reached for me to hug me. "I remember" he whispered into my ear as he pulled away.

"Thank you guys! This was fun, Cassie is an old friend of mine, that was a flashback for us, happy to include you guys!" He smiled into the mic and waved as he walked off stage.

The rest of my band joined us again, we set back up for our next song,....and all I wanted to do is run off, grab Daniel and tell him I was ready to have him back, forget friendship, I finally found that kid I fell in love with back in high school, before everything else got in the way....


Our set wrapped and we walked off stage.

Alex walked with me down the hallway to the table to sign autographs.

"That was a great idea cassie" He smiled "So glad it worked out"

"I realize you had Levi plant the idea in my head"

"I didn't realize you would do it on stage but I hoped it would help find that musical bond between you guys" he laughed.

"Felt like I needed to break the ice in a big way"

"I think you did a great job, but don't think for a second I didn't notice your face when he hugged you"

"don't start"

"Cassie---"

"Alex--Don't start" I walked off.

I joined everyone else at the table to sign autographs... the line was forever long, and all I wanted to do was be alone with Daniel for a moment. Looks like it wasn't going to be tonight.

I glanced down to the other end of the table, he was taking a picture with a fan, a blonde girl and her friends. He was oblivious to their flirtatious mannerisms, I smiled to myself. He glanced down to my end of the table and returned my smile.

Finally the signing wrapped up. 2 hours of none stop signing your name wears on a person!

The auditorium was clearing out and we were walking back to the bus. Ally was holding onto my arm, pretending to be almost dead weight as we walked down the hall with the boys. daniel, josh and sam were no where to be found. I felt a small let down that I wouldn't see him till our next stop. We had another days worth of driving.

"Hey I gotta pee lets go find a bathroom" --"Hey guys we will meet you at the bus" Ally called towards Levi giving him a strange look.

"Why do I have to go with you?" I protested "I'm sure you've successfully used a bathroom before right?"

"its what girls do" she grabbed my arm and pulled me back down the hallway.

we walked for a few moments.

"Woman, we've passed like 3 bathrooms, whats your damage"

"Maybe its not a bathroom I'm looking for?" she laughed still pulling my arm.

"Allison!"

"Whoa, no one uses that one, you almost sounded like my mother" She looked back at me "Cant you just relax for a second"

"not till you tell me why I'm being kept from my comfortable bed right now"

"Do you wanna go to bed, or do you want to see someone?"

"what are you talking about"

She swung open a random door and shoved me in before I could protest. I turned around and Daniel stood there arms crossed smiling.

"Whoa, hi"

"So, Levi was looking for the bathroom" he laughed

"Are you kidding me? I got that routine from Ally"

"Clearly their terrible liars, this looks nothing like a bathroom" He smiled.

"yep"

a moment of silence between us.

Ally peeked in "Look guys, we have 5 mins before Alex goes postal that we are missing so say what your going to say and lets go" she giggled and shut the door again.

I looked at him, he started laughing. "jeesh, now I feel like we should do something serious"

"I know right?"

He walked over to me. "Thank you, for earlier, that meant a lot, and I totally remembered that song"

He hugged me.

" I remember playing it in your garage" I said as he released the hug.

"You sang it beautifully then too" he smiled.

"You sounded amazing though earlier..." I said.

"I remember thats before everything got out of control.... "

I nodded

"You and Jason---"

"Yea"

"You two still talk?"

"No"

"I'm sorr--

"I'm not"

"Really?"

"He wasn't right for me"

He nodded "So are you and Ty---

"No"

He looked slightly relieved.

"Just friends" I clarified.

"so you and--

"Annulled" He said

I nodded

"So we are unattached at the same time?" He smiled

"and just friends" I looked at him.

"Friends, right...right" he nodded.

I felt tension rising... I wanted so badly to throw him into the nearest wall and do what I had been dreaming about to him but I held back... Everything inside of me held back.

A tap on the door... "Like a min guys, I can hear Alex calling our name!" she says.

"Guess you better go... " Daniel says but steps closer.

"Yeah"

In my mind I had pushed him against the wall and kissed him as hard as I could... In reality I turned around, opened the door and walked out with Ally. back to the bus, back to everything that frustrates me about my world...

I wasn't sure whether to kill or kiss Ally after that stunt, same for Levi, those two are always up to something, they were really made for each other.

We got on the bus and Alex breathed a sigh of relief. He worries more than a mother. The bus pulled out and I went to my room to relax and dream about what I hadn't done but wish I had...

Chapter 3

Days passed and Daniel and I didn't get any moments alone to talk. I didn't really want to talk to begin with, I felt like I needed to be with him again but I couldn't figure out if he felt the same. At the same time my head was spinning from all the past crap we had been through, maybe I was being stupid to think I could trust him again?

Alex decided to give the band a day to stop and get out of the bus in between venues. It was much needed, Ally had been driving me crazy with her girl talk about Levi. Things I didn't want to hear about the kid I consider to be a brother.

The bus finally pulled to a stop in a hotel parking lot. We were told we had the rest of the night to hang out, sleep, shower, whatever we needed to do. Alex got himself a room down the hall from my band so as to keep an eye on us. He's such a woman.

Ally and I got a room together but I instantly wish I hadn't. Having her on the bus talking none stop in my ear was already driving me insane.

I decided to take a shower after lugging our bags to the room and settling on who got which bed. She laid down to watch tv and I got some peace to get in the shower and relax.

I came out in a towel and my hair dripping down my back. "I forgot my hair brush" I said coming out of the bathroom, looking up to see where ally is... Only I didn't find her I found....

"Shit... Tyler!" I screamed "get out! I'm indecent!!" I backed up back into the hallway that connects to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, and searched for my hairbrush around the room "Ally is with Levi I wanted to give them some space, she looked pretty irritated I was still in the room" He found the brush "I have your brush can I bring it over there or are you going to scream at me again? Because technically I cant see anything"

"Just toss it into the hallway" I called. I couldn't see him from where I stood. I could hear him laughing though.

"Cass seriously...." he walked over to the hallway. Full view, handed me the brush and smiled "You even look cute in a towel"

"Back off there skippy" I rolled my eyes and went back into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Can I stay a while?" He called through the door.

"Seems as if I don't have a choice" I called back.

"Acting like you hate me... aren't you adorable" He laughed and walked away from the door.

I walked out fully dressed a moment later. Jeans and a tank top. Hair still dripping wet.

"You know I can get your room back? I can go down the hall and inform Alex of the goings on in that room" I smiled grabbing my make up bag off my suit case a few feet from the bathroom.

"No please don't wake Alex up, I feel like he hovers over all of us, I'd rather let Levi and Ally do whatever it is their going to do than have to listen to that grandfather tell us whats right from wrong one more second"

I laughed. "He means well"

"He should relax more" he said.

"Oh I agree..."

"Besides do you really want Ally in here talking your ear off more about Levi??" he added.

"How do you know she does that?" I stepped out of the hallway and looked at him.

"Oh Levi does it to me.. You'd think the world started and stopped with that girl" He rolled his eyes and sat down on my bed

I stepped back into the hallway "Gah, She does the same crap, drives me insane, no one is that perfect" I put a cream in my hair that gives my hair a natural curl when it dries and started brushing again.

Tyler walked over to where I stood. He leaned up against the wall and watched me "Well, I think they just met their perfect match, its kind of cute I guess, It doesn't happen to a lot of people"

"True I guess, its cute in a Naive kind of way" I smiled and started applying make up.

"Arn't you going to bed, why do you need make up?" he asked.

Avoiding telling him I had plans of going to see if Daniel would want to talk to me tonight, I just shrugged.

"Girl thing?" he smiled

"pretty much"

"So tell me.... why don't you believe in soul mates" he asked.

"I don't know, seems kind of juvenile to assume one person can make you happy when they do nothing but disappoint you over and over ---- " I trailed out and realized I had said way too much.

"Talking about Daniel I assume" He stated

"Just talking..."

"I think you can do better than him" He leaned in and started picking up random pieces of my make up for closer examination.

"Oh really?, How do you figure" I asked knowing I would regret it later.

"Well it seems like he should of been able to make up his mind by now you know? I mean he's been back and forth with you and then he got married and divorced---"

"Annulled- and he was drunk--"

"And you make excuses for him" He shook his head.

"What are you getting at?"

"I feel like he should be old enough now to make up his mind, and he has you this close and he's still done nothing" - "seems wasteful"

I looked at him.

"If it was me I would of made a move by now" He picked up my mascara and twirled it around in his hand

" If it were you?"

"Yeah If Daniel and I switched places for a day"

"Well this conversation took a turn" I went back to doing my make up and trying to pretend he wasn't inching closer to uncomfortable ground.

"I don't know what his deal is, but you keep going back to him so I guess your just as indecisive and self sabotaging as he is"

"self sabotaging?"

"Yeah, how many times are you going to stick your hand in that fire before you realize it hurts?" he tossed the mascara down on the counter and walked towards the beds.

I followed him "excuse me, that's my personal business"

"that you air for everyone to hear, sorry I have an opinion on your stupidity" He snapped.

"what the hell is your problem"

"Why would you keep running back to someone who doesn't know if they want you? Why would you do that to yourself?"

"You act like this is a choice! " I snapped.

"It is! Cassie! You always have a choice!" He threw his hands up

"Whats my choice!?" I yelled

"You could choose me!... Gah your so dense it hurts!" He yelled "I don't know how much more damn obvious I have to be! but you choose him! You'd rather chase than be chased! I don't know whats wrong with you! Or me!? that I still try!?".... "You know what, just forget this whole thing..." he shook his head and walked out.

"What" I whispered to myself watching the door slowly close.

I grabbed my coat and keys and walked out a moment later. He was no where to be found in the hallway, I wondered down to Ally and Levi's room and beat on the door.

Levi came to the door shirtless, his hair was a mess.

"Look I'm sorry to bother your teenage dream moment here but I need to talk to you guys because something just happened" I sighed.

"Can it wait?" Levi looked irritated.

I paused... "Ugh, I guess,... but use protection the last thing we need is another juvenile running around"

I walked away from the door and heard it shut behind me. I walked down the hallway and out the back door.

Tyler was standing out side of the door.

"I don't know how to respond to what you've said" I started as I stood beside him.

"You don't need to, I was out of line" He sighed "You have things going on, I can't just step into everything and expect to win this one, He's clearly got something more than I'll ever have"

"We have a history" I said.

"Yeah I've heard"

"You've heard the heart breaking parts, he wasn't always like that, he was my first love"

"Thought you were engaged"

"Jason was a distraction, and it took me too long to realize that's all he ever was to me" I shook my head "I've lost time, I've been distracted, and spoiled every chance I've had to make this right, I have a chance now, Daniel and I both do, I feel like I owe it to myself to figure this out. and If its not meant to be then it won't happen but I wont know till I try" I sighed hoping he can understand.

He half laughed.

I looked up at him.

"I've seen the way he looks at you while your on stage singing, Or how his eyes always find you from across the room, and vise versa"--- "I'm the idiot for assuming I could come between this" He turned around and walked back inside.

"If Daniel and I don't work I'm swearing off boys after this..." I whispered to myself, "I'll just become a nun" I turned around and went back inside.

I went back to my room and went inside shutting the door behind me and locking it to be alone with my thoughts.

I slipped my coat off and came into view of both beds. Daniel sitting on ally's bed looking up at me.

"Hi" He smiled.

I melted.

"Hi" I responded and stood still.

"I thought I'd come down here and see you since we have free time" He coaxed me over to him.

I sat on my bed and faced him. "Oh? What do you plan to do now that you've seen me?"

"Well it depends"

"Depends on what"

"On what exactly your thinking"

"At this moment I don't know"

"That's a first"

"I think we should talk---"

"I understand Cass we said friends" he held up his hands. "I'm okay with that"

"Well, ... I don't think I am" I looked at the floor, and then looked up at him.

He half smiled "oh?"

"I don't think I can just be friends with you,... I've never wanted to be just friends with you" I continued.

He stayed silent, just smiling at me.

"I don't exactly trust you though, and I don't know how to fix that"

"Well you don't,... I have to fix it" He said, leaning forward.

There was very little space between the beds, he rested his upper body on his arms, that were resting on his legs. He stayed still as if to invite me to come forward.

"How are you going to fix it?" I asked coming closer.

"I...don't exactly know other than to just be here for you" he whispered as our faces got closer.

"There are always road blocks in front of us" I replied with the same volume he used.

Our faces were so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"Look around, there's no blocks here..." He smiled.

I paused... This was everything I had been waiting for. For as long as I could remember, just him and I, and no blocks. No boyfriends, No fiance's, no Girlfriends, no high school, no band problems no nothing. He looked so good, his jeans and hoodie, it was a safe feeling when he hugged me I longed for that feeling again. but as good as he felt when he was close and we were good, He could make me feel like an outcast in a second if things went sour. This was a toxic relationship, or maybe it was everything I needed in my life.

"Cassie" he whispered.

I was pulled from my thoughts.

"You have the power to hurt me too" He said. "This isn't one sided, I know this is what I want" He put his arms on either side of my hips

I couldn't resist him.....


I leaned closer. His lips pressed against mine, soft and sweet. My heart beat faster and his hands began to circle my body.... I wasn't going to stop and analyze this. Right now I was that teenager with her high school crush. He finally put his guitar down, took the blinders off and noticed me... I had to let this happen or I'd kick myself later....

He slipped his fingers under my shirt and pulled it off with a swift movement. I pulled on his hoodie and he pulled it off over his head. I grabbed his neck and began running my lips over it. He leaned into me and laid me back on the bed. As he leaned over me I pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it across the bed. I slid my hands down his back. He picked me up and put me farther on the bed. Laying straight on the bed now he was above me running his mouth down my neck and towards my chest. Every inch of me lit up with his caresses. I could feel my passion for him coming forward. I had harbored it for so many years there was no telling how far I was going to let this go on. I had no intention of sleeping with him. At least that's what my head said, my body screamed a very different story.

He sat on his knees and began unbuckling my belt, and then my jeans buttons, he slid his hands on either side of my hips and leaned down to kiss my stomach.

A knock on the door startled us both. I pushed Daniel back so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bed.

"Cassie?".... Alex voice rang out.

"Shit" I whispered... searching for my shirt and pulling my jeans together to button them as I headed for the door.

Daniel still on the floor at this point.

"Cassie its Alex, I cant find Tyler I was wondering if you had seen him?" he called through the door.

"get back, get in the bathroom" I whisper/yelled At Daniel.

He griped, grabbed his shirt and hoodie off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

"Coming!" I called

I quickly put my shirt on and fixed my mushed hair. I opened the door and prayed to God he couldn't sense what had just been going on in here.

"Have you seen Tyler?" he looked worried.

"no?"

"I've been calling him for a while Levi said he never came back to the room?"

I came out into the hallway with him, Ally and levi standing in the hallway now..

"No I haven't seen him, - I mean he was in my room earlier but I haven't seen him since then"

"He was in your room?" Levi asked "what for?"

"Well he was---bored" I said, not wanting to inform Alex he was kicked out by Ally.

"Well get your coats we need to find him" He said as he headed back down to his room. "meet me outside!" he called over his shoulder.

When his door shut behind him I looked at them "I didn't care to inform him of your guys indiscretions" I said looking concerned.

"Don't worry,... it didn't happen" Ally held up her hands.

"Speaking of indiscretions" Levi pointed behind me.

Daniel stood behind me now having just come out of my room.

"Cassandra..." Ally smiled and covered her mouth.

"Shut up both of you,..." I pointed at them.

"I should get back to the bus" Daniel whispered "I'll call you later" he said and walked down the hallway.

I watched him walk away.... his jeans fit him well, and his hoodie had writing on the back. His shoulders looked broad and I wanted to jump his bones right now in the hallway..

"Whoa woman, don't drool right here in the hallway" Ally snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"what?, I wasn't drooling"

Levi laughed. "No seriously what happened"

"Nothing happened" I snapped.

"Alex is going to be back here in a second we have to get our coats" Ally pushed Levi towards his room.

We went into our room and grabbed ours. "nothing happened huh" she pointed at the covers shifted. I admit, that looked like it was more than it was.

"Nothing happened I swear" I sighed

We grabbed our jackets and went outside to meet Alex.

"Okay Levi and Cassie go ahead and head to the bus see if you can find him Ally and I will go downstairs in the office and see if anyone has seen him" he sighed "meet back here in 10 mins"

They walked off. Levi and I headed for the bus....

Chapter 4

We searched for Tyler for what seemed forever. I had all but given up and assumed he'd gone home after being rejected when I wasn't aware he had feelings for me. I had made it all the way down the street and began walking back to the hotel, when I reached the bus and heard people yelling from the back side of it. I walked around and saw Tyler and Daniel throwing their fists at each other. Daniels band mates were cheering him on and Levi was standing to the side watching, amused as it seemed.

"Oh My God whats going on!?" I got close enough for them to hear me. The group of guys froze and looked at me.

"Why are you two fighting,..." I paused. "Wow, did you just have a guy fight over a chick." Knowing full well I was the chick I was speaking of.

No one said a word.

"You know what, both of you just stay out of my hair, your nothing but a huge distraction anyway... carry on, hope you rip each others brains out.... well their probably already gone anyway" I threw my hands up and started for the hotel.

I heard them call my name I kept walking.

I found Alex coming out of the hotel doors "Oh your idiot prodigy is over there whaling on your other brilliant idea... way to go Alex, score one for you" I walked passed him, and slammed the hotel door behind me.


The remainder of our Band break was spent in silence. I focused on writing new music and I kept to myself. When we returned to band practices things were still tense and cold. Not even Alex was really speaking to any of us. Maybe it was just better that way.


Days passed and we finally went back to our normal routine on the road. We did shows and we went back to the bus in silence. I didn't speak to Daniel or Tyler even though they both tried repeatedly to get me alone. I realized every time something good happens in my life I let a guy mess it up.


I sat in my bed strumming my guitar while the bus drove over night again. Everyone else seemed to be fast asleep. I kept writing to clear my head of any distractions.

A tap on my door interrupted my thoughts and Tyler stood in front of me. I'm not sure how he made it past Alex all the way back to my room but I gave him a little credit for attempting it.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it" I put my hand up to shoo him away.

"I'm so sorry, you don't even understand..."

"Your right, I don't, but I do understand the drama ends now so, find your way back to your side before I wake up Alex" I put my head back down to focus on my guitar.

"I think I'm going to go home at our next stop" He said.

I looked up "Quit?"

"Clearly I've caused more problems than good here and I need to just step out of the picture"

"Oh for the love of God can't anyone just get past the drama? That's all this is, this is high school crap I don't have time for it. Either you want to be in this band or you don't but don't quit because of me, or Daniel or any crap that's going on that's called being a quitter" I snapped.

"I don't know what else to do--"

"You suck it up, you get out on stage and pretend like everything is fine, and when this is over we will either part ways friends or enemies, but until then you are not permitted to leave this band under any circumstances unless it's a legit excuse like a death in the family" I half smiled even though I felt like tearing his head off.

"Ok" he mumbled something else and closed the door as he walked out.

I got a text message a few seconds later. It was Daniel.

"Oh My God doesn't anyone sleep around here" I huffed as I opened the message.

"I need to talk to you, this silence is killing me, Please let me talk to you"

I turned my phone off, put my guitar on the floor turned my light off and went to bed... I realized he probably saw my light on from his bus because they were driving behind us. "Clearly I have to set an example" I sighed as I laid my head down and tried to sleep.


The next stop we made was halfway through our tour. Ally and I went into the field house we were playing at. It was our biggest stage yet. I was completely excited and nervous.

We walked out on the stage and saw the sea of stadium seating, all empty but just as terrifying as if they were full of faces looking up at me.

"Oh wow, I feel like this is the big times" Ally said grabbing my arm "I'm freaking out"

"Me too,... this is crazy"

She twirled around on the stage "This is so awesome!"

I sat down on the stage and stared out into the crowd picturing what this evening will hold for us. A sea of faces, a distant band, how did things get so messed up in such a short period of time.

Next thing I knew Daniel sat down right next to me.

I started to get up and he grabbed my arm "No, Your going to sit here and talk to me"

I looked around, Ally and run off, clearly she's a terrible friend.

"What is so important that you could want to say to me now?" I snapped.

"I can't believe your ticked off about the fight, we made it through everything else..."

"everything else?"

"Your engagement,... My marriage.... The band, the break ups, the craziness,...explain to me how this is the worst thing that's happened thus far that would cause you not to speak to your best friend anymore"

"your a distraction" I looked at him.

"Ouch"

"You know you are,... and I'm a distraction to you, I think we are better off without each other romantically, can we just not..."

"We were so close---"

"And look what happened"

"If it doesn't rain sometimes, you don't remember to appreciate the sunshine" he smiled.

"Seriously, metaphors right now?"

He shrugged.

"I'm calling a truce,... I'll talk to you but we're not romantically linked okay? I just cant afford a distraction right now, this is technically my tour, do you understand how huge that is for me?"

He nodded "You've waited a long time to have a solo thing I know...I've been around"

"So can you understand why I don't want to mess this up with boys, and drama and crap that shouldn't be a thought in my mind right now?"

He nodded again.

"Look, I'm not saying that sometime in the future we can't but I just can't right now..."

He nodded a third time.

"We can talk about this after tour,... when I have a clear head" I finally finished talking and walked off...

Part of me wishes I hadn't just burned this bridge with him (for now), the other part of me is glad I did. It was either career or boys... right now It had to be my solo project... there was no question about it. I just hope it stays this way...

Chapter 5

Weeks on tour can really wear a person out. Everything had settled down, I was happy to be completely focused on my music. The band seemed in sync with each other. Our crowds were massive, our fans were crazy, I loved every moment of this tour. I realized my mental block was from the boys. I didn't have to set Tyler straight, he pretty much stayed out of my hair as best he could. I did find him and Daniel speaking on more than one occasion though which was slightly off putting. I had promised myself not to care though, it was more important I make it through the last few days of this tour so I could go back to my life. Alex had promised me a free Christmas, no tour, no studio time and I couldn't of been more excited.

We had two more shows before this tour was over. I was pumped, everything was perfect. This was the tour I had signed up for.

I was in the auditorium tuning my guitar when I heard Ally walk in. She was clearly angry at something, or someone.

Huffing and stomping around stage like she wanted to punch something. She was causing my tuner to jump so I turned around.

"Hey, woman, I'm trying to be productive here, if you must stomp at least do it off stage" I shooed her.

She crossed her arms and gave me a glare.

"Jeeze, what are you so pissed at?"

"WHO!"

I rolled my eyes... "Trouble in paradise babe?"

"Oh My God he's such an asshole... Levi has been talking to his ex!"

Has she learned nothing from my love life?

I laugh... "You'll have that"

"Are you going to laugh at me or are you going to show me some girl sympathy here!?" she throws up her hands.

"I'd love to become a feminist with you honey,... believe me I'll be the first one on that train, but Levi is like my little brother I'm sure he has a good reason for whatever he did"

"He talked to his ex!"

"Did they do anything else?"

"Well no he's been with me.."

"Was it texting or calls?"

"Texting..."

"So have you read these messages?"

"no"

"Did you ask to?"

"no" she's looking more irritated by the second..."Why are you trying to ruin this!"

"Ruin what? I'm trying to help you here,... Levi isn't an asshole, just ask to see the convo or something, I'm sure it will be okay he's crazy about you"

She huffed at me. "Should of had problems when you hated guys... you would of been more help"

I laugh... "yeah my complete lack of caring for guys in general has really mellowed me out"

"Yeah well it sucks"

"sorry?"

"Did you choose between them yet by the way?" she asks me point blank.

I sigh, lay my head over my guitar and let my hair dangle... "I'm not choosing" I mumble, tired of hearing about my love life.

"You know your going to have to right? They've been talking about it"

I look up at her "What?"

"Oh See NOW I have your attention..."

"What do you mean their talking about it?"

"trying to figure out who your going to choose?" She smiles.

"Like I'm torn between them or something?" I roll my eyes.

"Well its a clear choice right?"

I glare at her... "There is no choice"

"Oh My God woman, ...Clearly it's Daniel.."

"Its none of anyone's business... I don't need this crap, now if you don't mind, take your teen angst and go back to the bus I'm trying to tune here..."

She sighs and walks away...

"Choose..my ass" I whisper to myself as I restart my tuner.

A few hours later I was walking off stage with my guitar around my shoulder listening to the crowd scream for more.

"That was a great set, you sounded Amazing Cassie, seriously, best I've ever heard" Daniel raved when I walked backstage.

"It felt amazing,.... I'm a little sad I only have one more show left to do tomorrow"

"I know right? It feels like this went fast" he smiled "You did a great job though, I'm really proud of you" he hugged me.

"Proud of me?" I laughed.

"Yeah, when we were younger, sitting in my garage I always knew you had the talent for this... you had more drive to make it than I did"

"Look at you, your on this tour with me" I smiled.

"Yeah, almost all I could ever ask for" He smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets.

He looked really cute and innocent in that moment. His torn jeans and white T-shirt. his hair was scruffy and messy tonight. Their set had been pretty intense, jumping around and what not. All the boys looked like they had really had fun out there. There was something in Daniel's eyes though. I wasn't sure if it was just him reminiscing about our past? He kept looking at me. He had my eyes locked.

I felt my heart start to race again. I knew where this was going to lead. Why was he the only one my heart did this for ?

Why couldn't I just let go of him already?

I heard Alex calling my name and our stares broke.

"Great set! We need to get you to that table, people are getting restless to get your autograph!" He wrapped his arm around me and took me down the hallway.

The only thing I wanted to do in that moment was take Daniel into the back room and relive that fire I felt for him just a few years ago in his garage. Those were the moments I fell in love with him. Everything would of been good and then I met Jason and everything went to hell and a hand basket.

How did our relationship get so messed up? Why couldn't we just make it work? Make it last? So many pressing questions on my mind. Right now all I wanted to do was talk to my best friend, but I entered a room full of fans instead....


3 hours later we had reached the end of the line, I felt like my wrist was going to fall off. Alex didn't normally let people stay in line that long but we knew it was the final days of the tour and really wanted to create a buzz. Wanted our fans to know we cared so they would keep us going and we could tour again. This wasn't just my dream, this was a dream for this band, the fans always had to come first, even if I didn't feel like signing 200 autographs...

I headed back down the long hallway, threw my hair up in a messy bun and slid my fingers along the wall as I walked. I could see the door and the bus from where I was. I was taking in this experience as I walked.

"You used to do that a lot when you were younger" I heard Daniel's voice behind me.

I smiled. "my hand on the wall?" I asked looking back at him.

He nodded. "I didn't understand it, thought maybe it was a nervous habit"

"Nope, just a habit" I smiled.

"I know this is going to sound pretty stupid, and I understand if you say no but would you want to join me on my bus tonight? I kind of want to talk to you for a while like old times?"

I looked at him.... Hesitant.

"Just friends I swear, I just miss my best friend... and I know after this tour I won't see you for a while"

I cocked my head. "why?"

"Well your going home but I'm going back out on the road"

"You are?"

"Yeah, we got picked up for another tour"

"wow that's amazing... but you'll miss Christmas?"

"Well my dad understands... its not like Christmas has ever been a big deal in our house anyway"

I nodded...

"So?...will you? for old times sake?"

I smiled "Yes"

He looked relieved.

"Okay, I'll go tell Alex"

"Pfft Yeah good luck with that"

He laughed and ran ahead of me down the hall and out the door.

I turned around to see the empty hallway behind me,..."its almost over" I sighed...

Chapter 6

We reluctantly got Alex to agree to let me stay on Daniel's bus this evening. Mostly because Daniel begged. We had to convince him it was just as friends, though I saw a twinkle in Daniel's eye that made me nervous.

The buss's headed off to our final destination and I sat on Daniel's bed with him and our guitars while his band slept in the front of the bus.

"You remember that time in class when you fell asleep and fell out of your chair?" I smiled. We had spent the last half hour talking about old times. It felt almost normal between us now. I had missed my best friend for sure.

"Oh yeah! Jason totally tried to cover for me, saying the chair was broken..." His voice went flat at the mention of Jason. He didn't mean to mention him I could tell he felt bad.

A brief pause...

"I didn't mean to--"

"Its okay... " I cut him off "I swear, its okay"

He half smiled. "How are you doing with that anyway?"

"Well, I'm good actually, I mean we don't talk at all now but I think its for the best"

"It threw me off when you guys got together... and then engaged" He trailed off..

"yeah?"

"Yeah, he never seemed like the type of guy you would want to date let alone marry, but I guess I didn't know everything about you back then did I"

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know you had a thing for me, clearly"

"Well you were stupid" I smiled.

"I was.... but I'm not anymore right?"

"I guess?" I half smiled.

"We've been through a lot Cassie..."

I nodded...

"I really missed you. My life isn't the same without you in it"

I was getting uncomfortable, he looked nervous for some reason...

"I know what we've agreed to... and I know what you've said about us, and about everything but honestly I think your afraid"

"Daniel--"

Our guitars were next to us on the bed, he was sitting across from me. Nothing but a little back light to light up his face in front of me. He grabbed my hands...

"Your afraid of what could happen, you've been through a lot, you've been through a crappy relationship I get it.. but it was because it wasn't meant to be,... I know that we are meant to be"

"Daniel don't do this---"

"Cass I know... I know what your thinking, I know you so well, we've been at this for a while now, failing every time we try but that doesn't mean we stop trying"

"but--"

"I don't think we should date,... I think we are past the point of trying to pretend we are only in the beginning of this relationship"

I tried to back up on the bed but he had a hold of my hands. He was talking fast and starting to make me more nervous.

"You can say whatever you want but you know I'm right. You know at the end of the day its just you and me. In music, in our lives, we are better together than we are apart... and I'm tired of pretending anyone else means anything to me... I'm in love with you Cassie,... and I want to ask you something..."

"Daniel---...da--"

He let go of my hands for a moment, quickly got up opened his guitar case and came back to the bed. He stood in front of me and opened the box.

A beautiful diamond ring stood in front of me...

"Cassie,... Will you marry me?"

My jaw hit the floor...

"Daniel---"

He grabbed my hand and set the box in it. He sat back down on the bed next to me and looked me in the eyes.

"I honestly don't expect your answer right now... I know this is out of left field, but I want you to know where I am. I'm all in Cassie,... your it for me.."

I couldn't speak...My heart was racing. My mind was racing. His eyes focused on mine, and I couldn't feel my body anymore.

His lips came towards me.... pressed against mine. I still couldn't move.

He pulled away and smiled....

"I--I don't know what to say..." I finally spoke. I looked down at the ring.

"Don't answer until your sure, ... I want you to know, and feel sure like I'm sure" he brushed the hair out of my face.

"I don't understand, you said you were leaving again... You said---"

"When I leave, I want to know I get to come back to you,... hell, I may not even leave...why does the tour matter when I have everything I want sitting right in front of me?"

"You cant just give up ---"

"not give up, postpone--"

"but---"

"Don't worry about that right now... I want you to think about what you want, when you think about the future, cassie.... am I in it?"

I paused.. "I want you to be?"

He smiled.

"I can't get hurt again.... "

"I'm not going to run, I swear I'm done with the crap, and the drama and the nonsense.."

"We've been through a lot in the last year are you sure you wouldn't rather wait to ask this question?" I asked still holding the ring.

He chuckled. "I cant take it back now,.. but yes I'm sure.. now is the perfect moment"

He kissed my forehead "Don't answer me right now... I want you to think about this. If you turn me down I'll never ask you again and we will both move on and leave the on and off again crap behind... I swear" He looked at me "If you decide your better off without me, this is the last you'll hear from me about it"

"You don't want an answer right now?"

"No" ..."I really don't, because I know you well enough to know you need time to process before you can realize what you want for yourself.... I hope its me but I swear I want you to be happy.."

I closed the box, and looked at him. "You sure know how to change the mood in a room fast"

He laughed. "Its a gift I think"... "I'll be right back, going to get you an extra blanket... since I know I accidentally steal blankets in the middle of the night" he smiled again and got up ..

He looked so happy in that moment and I hadn't even answered him. I could see it all over his face... this is what he really wanted. Could I trust it this time? How did I know all of our problems were behind us? I opened the box again.. A princess cut diamond, sparkled, and beckoned for me to put it on... This was such a big step.. we had leaped right over dating and straight into marriage? How did he know!? How was he this sure we could make it? Could I be as sure as he was?

I closed the box again and put it in my guitar case,... put my case on the floor and laid down in bed... thinking about everything...

He came back to the room and tossed me the blanket. He took his shirt off and climbed in bed.

He smiled, told me goodnight and rolled over. His back faced me, I knew it was so I didn't feel uncomfortable, like he wanted to sleep with me now.... I laid there contemplating what I should do.

I laid facing his back... I scooted close to him after a few moments, laid my head on his back. He laid still and we both fell asleep....

Chapter 7

Morning broke over the bus. We were parked, and Daniel was gone. I laid in the bed alone. The ring next to me in its box with a note on top.
"Try me on :) " it read.

I half smiled.

I grabbed the box and looked out the window above the bed. The boys from Daniel's band were outside talking with him and Alex. I wondered what they were talking about.

Daniel's eyes glanced back to the bus and smiled. I wasn't sure if he could see me or not but I smiled back.

I grabbed my jacket off the bed and fixed my hair to look presentable.

I flung my guitar around my back and headed out. Ring in my guitar case.

I walked out of the bus trying not to make a noise, and snuck into my own bus. Levi was already sitting on the couch as if he was waiting for me.

"Holy Crap--" I gasped. "Your like a ninja! Do you enjoy scaring me half to death?"

Levi smiled " Let me see it"

"See what" I said putting my case down and pulling my guitar off my back.

"Don't be naive. You know Daniel and I are like brothers,"

I cocked my head.

"I helped him get you alone..."

"Levi!"

"Shut up, Did you say yes?"

I looked around.

"No one is in here calm down... what did you tell him??"

"Nothing"

"What?"

"Well he told me not to respond right now.... said he wanted me to think about it and make sure"

"whats there to think about!"

"He's leaving, okay, and we've been at this for years, so we go from not speaking to getting married? That seems really off putting"

"You will find any excuse not to be with him won't you" He threw up his hands.

"Levi don't do that... its not like that, okay, its complicated, everything is just happening so fast"

He sighed. "Isn't that half the fun of life? The speed?,... cant you just accept your meant to be with him"

"Why do you sound like an episode of the view"

"Because I'd like to see this train wreck come to a nice end"

"Oh well okay thanks---"

"Give me one good reason you can't marry him----"

I paused..

He stood up and looked at me "What did you WANT to say when he asked you"

I looked at the floor.

"If you really didn't want to you would of told him no... so why not just let yourself be happy and let it go? just say yes.... Just stop waiting for the other shoe to drop..I think he's for real this time..."

I looked at him. "I feel like you should be my older brother, your too old sounding for your own good"

He laughed. "If I was I would say.... sis, just do it already" He ruffled my hair and walked past me and out the bus.


I walked to my bed to grab a change of clothes and take a moment to think about this.

I sat down on the bed and opened the box.. the ring was stunning. A princess cut, it was simple and clean. I don't remember telling him that's what I always pictured but maybe he knew me better than I thought he did.

I had almost walked the isle to Jason, and now I was going to do it for Daniel? What if this one failed too? I just don't know what to do...

So much for being focused on the band.


I closed the box and hid the ring under my pillow. Threw on a white t-shirt and a new pair of jeans... pulled my hair back and headed out with my guitar in hand.

I walked into the auditorium, past the boys still talking in the parking lot.

I walked through the halls into the back stage area where Ally, Levi and Alex now stood. I hadn't seen him come in.

They all turned around and looked at me as I walked up. Alex had a concerned look on his face.

Levi looked around like he didn't know what was going on.

"Levi, you little twit..." I sighed.

"I need to talk to you right now" Alex said grabbing me by the arm as he came towards me. we walked back down the hallway and he pretty much threw me into the closest room he could find.

"ARE YOU out of YOUR MIND" he yelled.

"What are you so mad about I didn't even Answer!"

"Are you seriously debating this right now Cassie, I've watched the two of you fight this out for years, you can't do this to yourself, its not going to change, its back and forth and back and forth and who knows you'll say yes now, he'll be serious for now but he'll leave and then what---your screwed"

sometimes he was too much like a dad for my liking.

A knock on the door...

Ally and Levi appeared.

"Get out you two"

"No,... we have just as much right to this as you do-" Ally protested and came in shutting the door behind them.

"Why is this anyone's business but mine and Daniels" I was getting mad.

"Because you can't be trusted to make your own choices that's why, your going to throw everything into jeopardy"

"Like what! This band isn't based on his! This is mine!"

"Your fan base is the same, you naive girl!" Alex snapped "do you understand how long its taken me to get a fan base for this band!? All the splits, all the drama, all the changing band members... you lost so many people when Daniel left the band, then we add Tyler and people were pissed because they knew why you replaced Daniel because they follow you on twitter and you just had to post crap!"

"Oh my God Alex take a freaking chill pill this isn't that big of a deal" Ally snapped.

"You guys aren't understanding....If they do this and break up that's it, the bands split and the fans choose a side. You can't get that respect back... it took you years to build it and your going to let him destroy it again"

"this is seriously the most messed up reason for me not to do it, because of a fan base--- "

Alex sat down, and sighed. "How do you even know he's been faithful to you Cass, you don't your just blindly accepting him"

"I haven't even said yes"

"What do you mean faithful" Levi interrupted.

"Just don't be stupid Cass. I'm just asking you not to be stupid for yourself, did you learn nothing with Jason"

"I didn't love Jase"

All 3 of them looked at me. A little surprised I admitted it.

"I didn't plan my life this way, but it always comes back to Daniel, it always has, am I just supposed to pretend it doesn't mean anything? My biggest dream just came true, and I'm standing in this room with you 3 arguing over whether or not I can be happy or not... last I checked this is my life, with or without this band I still want him. I can't think of a better way to end a career than getting married to my best friend"

I walked out and took off running down the hallway.

I ran out of the back doors and he was unloading more equipment from the bus with his band mates.

I called his name.

He turned around and smiled, I ran up to him and flung my arms around him, kissed him and said "Yes,.... Yes I will marry you"....

Chapter 8

We stood on stage for our last show of the tour. The ring was tucked away safely in a box in my room. We agreed not to let the press in on this until we were back home and ready to set a date. I think Alex made us decide this so he wouldn't be in the crossfires when "shit hit the fan" as he phrased it. I still didn't understand why he was so angry about this? I guess Alex is a little too parental, he should worry about his own family.

We played our hearts out. I felt happier than I had in a while. The crowd cheered around us I felt the vibrations from the guitars and the drums course through me. As happy as this moment was for me, I felt even happier that I could step off this stage and have the guy I had been longing for for years now.

Our set wrapped and we were headed to the signing table. Daniel grabbed my hand down the hallway and pulled me into a room before we reached the table. He shut the door behind us and locked it. He turned off the lights and pushed me into the wall with his lips pressed to mine. The light from the window in the door shone through. I could only see his outline in front of me.

I gasped for air after a moment.

"We need to get back--" I smiled at him.

He held my head in his hands and continued kissing me. "Lets go now... Lets go do this now" he said...

"Do what?"

he stopped kissing "Lets just run away together, and get married"

"But what about a wedding? All of our friends?"--

"Its taken us this long to reach this place I don't want anyone to ruin it" He put his hands on the wall on either side of my shoulders. "Lets just go do it... lets run away, don't you want to run away with me?"

I didn't speak. I didn't know what to say.

"I just want this now, I want you now, I don't want to wait... I want to have this before I leave---"

"Your still leaving?" I asked.

"Well, I can't not go right?... you said so yourself"

I thought a moment... "That was before--"

He backed up. I went to the door and turned on the lights. "Maybe we should talk before we run away together..." I said opening the door "But right now we have a stadium full of fans waiting on us"

I walked out and down the hallway to greet my fans and fellow band mates.

I didn't talk to Daniel after that, we got into our separate buss's and we started our journey home.

I laid in bed, lights off.... thinking.

I picked up my phone.

-Why do you want to do this before you leave?- I text him.

-I'm just afraid if we wait life will pull us apart again- He replied.

-If life can pull us apart then it can pull us apart married too?-

-We have a better shot if we are closer-

-So you only want this so life doesn't get in the way again?-

-That's not what I meant-

-Why do you want to marry me?-

-I told you, I'm in love with you, your it for me, don't twist my words I just don't want this to get derailed again, I want to go on tour and know I have you to come home to, or maybe you can come with me?-

-Come with you?-

-Yeah I was trying to convince the guys-

-You can't add another band member-

-You can front my band, your a better vocalist than I am-

-That would be a different band-

-I don't know why you and I ever needed anymore people, we should of just kept the original band.. you and I-

-We needed more people-

-This is off topic-

-What do we do?-

-What do you want Cass, I want to do whatever you want to do-


I thought a moment...

-I want to marry you before you leave-

-Really?-

-Yes-

-Should we run away when we get home?-

-Yes-

-Are we telling Levi or Ally?-

-We probably should-

-When do you leave for your tour?-

-2 weeks from now-

-Christmas without you? I'm already widowed and we aren't even married lol-

-Come with me-

-I can't front your band-

-Then just come with me-

-I need to see my family-

-This sounds like excuses-

-It sounds like someone's being insane...-

-You know I'm reckless-

-One thing at a time....-

-So we are really going to do this??-

-Yes... don't ask again I'll change my mind-

-Absolutely-

-I'll see you when we get home-

-I'll impatiently wait for you-


..... I closed my phone and wondered if it was a little too reckless to think this was going to work? Was I just marrying him now because I was trying to tie him down before he left? Afraid something or someone else would come between us?

Maybe I was just over thinking this...

I closed my eyes and fell asleep...

Chapter 9

The bus pulled into our final stop. I was only partially asleep, but was fully awake when I felt the bus come to a stop. I hopped up and ran down the hall to the front.

"Are we home?" I yelled like a small child.

"Yes Cassie we are home" Alex yawned.

I checked the clock. It was 5 am. Who cares we were home.

Tyler and Levi popped up and it appeared Tyler was already packed. I hadn't even spoken to him about the engagement stuff. I dare not bring it up now. Even more uncomfortable considering he lives in my building. A problem I hadn't thought about until just now actually.

I grabbed my hoodie and shoes and went outside assuming I would see Daniel's bus stopped next to ours.

I looked around. "Where are the guys?" I asked Alex as he came outside rubbing his eyes.

He shrugged. "Maybe they started their tour already" He half laughed.

"That's not funny.."

I went back inside to grab my phone. No messages from Daniel.

"Levi!" I yelled, searching for him.

"Get your bag Cassie, we have to go home" Ally called back to me.

"Where's Levi?!"

"I don't know? He's already off the bus, go grab your stuff, Alex will pick up the rest of our stuff later, just grab your bag" She pointed to the crap on my floor.

"I need to find Levi, Daniel was supposed to be here" I said frantic..

"Why does it matter right this second? I'm sure the bus is just late"

"I'm losing my nerve..." I sighed.

"Nerve for what?" Ally asked grabbing her own stuff.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my guitar case. "Never mind"

She followed me out and we stood in the parking lot waiting for Alex to grab the car around to drive us all home.

I checked my phone again.

"Levi do you know where Daniel is at?"

he shook his head, clearly still half asleep.

Tyler scoffed.

I looked at him "what are you laughing at"

"Not even 24 hours and you cant even find him, that speaks volumes don't you think" he rolled his eyes.

"Way to be an ass" Ally huffed. "I'm sure he's fine Cassie, he's probably asleep on the bus and its running late"

I shook my head. maybe she's right. no sense in jumping to conclusions.

I looked around the parking lot, like a worry wart, and Alex pulled up. We got in and he drove us all home.

Sadly Tyler and I were dropped off at the same time and were forced to walk in together.

We didn't speak from the car to the stair well and we approached my door.

"I don't understand you....---never mind, Goodnight its been fun" Tyler said as he started walking ahead of me.

"Come back here, lets just have it out... its almost 6 am why the hell not..." I snapped.

He dropped his bags and turned around. "What the hell is wrong with you, you know you cant trust him, you know you guys go back and forth, you know I'm standing here everything to offer you in the world... but you still choose him, I don't understand it" he shook his head.

"We have a history"..

"What you have is bullshit, you think for one second if I was in his shoes I would leave you here for a stupid tour?, You think for one second I would even consider doing it without you? didn't you guys start your band together? Where is the guy in the garage you always talked about that you fell in love with that didn't want to do it without you"

"We grew up okay!, We grew out of that phase! We had life hit us in the face a few times but don't sit there and pretend like you know my life because we shared a few laughs! on the bus for the last few months!"... "This is insanity! I'm allowed to live my life, I don't need your judgement!"

I stuck my key in my door and Tyler wouldn't move, he was standing just a foot away from me. I turned my door knob and flicked on the lights, tossed my bags inside and turned around to look at him...

"What do you want me to say?! I don't have the same feelings for you that you want me to have! Why is that my fault!? Why am I being punished!?"

Tyler sighed. I could see he was getting really upset.

"I think we should just say goodnight... Some space would do us both good right now" I turned to go inside.

"Cass..."

I turned around

"Please don't marry him" He said quietly.

My heart sunk.

He picked up his bags and went upstairs. Milo followed him. I had almost forgotten Milo had been on tour with us, he was such a quiet dog. We played with him from time to time but had no real time to spend with him after that first week....

I watched them walk down the hallway and closed the door.

"Hi"

I heard a sweet familiar voice behind me.

I smiled and turned around.

Daniel stood in the living room. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Was that Tyler?"

"Yeah,... but I don't want to talk about him" I walked up to him and put my arms around him. I kissed him. "Why weren't you in the parking lot"

"Because the boys took me straight home so I could get here before you" He smiled.

"Oh?"

"Your not having second thoughts are you?" He took my hands in his. "We don't have to do this..."

"No, I want to..."

"Okay"

I put my hands around his neck and pulled him in. I kissed him to see what I felt for him. Most of the time the tension between us was unbearable but I wasn't feeling it right now I didn't know why... maybe I was fearful of what was going to happen? Maybe I needed to slow this down? How could I tell him that without making him think I wasn't giving up on us?

I continued kissing him... his hands wrapped around me.

I walked towards him and he walked backwards... we headed towards the bedroom.

We reached the door frame and he held on "Cassie" he said.."I thought we were leaving"...

"I think we should do something else first" I smiled and slipped my hands under his shirt.

"You didn't want to wait until we are married?"....

I stopped...

"You want to wait till we get married?"

He half smiled "Is that lame?"

I backed up. "No, that's not lame,... its a little surprising but its not lame"

"Surprising?"

"Well its usually the girl that asks for that.." I said feeling like a slut.

He half laughed. "Well we've been best friends for years, we've waited for everything else to fall into place, I can wait a while longer... I'd rather have a ring on your hand before we take that step together..I know its really old fashioned but."

I smiled... It was refreshing almost. I didn't realize it would mean that much to him. After all these years of pinning away for this man he stood in front of me ....ready, nothing and no one in our way.

I took him by the hand and grabbed my jacket.

"Where are we going?" he laughed.

"Lets do it now"

"Wait....what? we're not going to wait for levi and ally?"...he tried to slow me down.

"They can curse me for it later" I grabbed my keys off the table, and continued walking.

"Are you sure".... Daniel called after me as we kept walking.

"Yes.... Lets go now..."


we took off down the stairs and got into my car.... This was it.

Chapter 10

We pulled up to a local house. A justice of the peace, it was an older couple and they welcomed us into their home.

"Lets talk a moment" The older man said with a smile as he motioned us further into the house. "What makes you certain you can do this for years?"

Daniel smiled "I've never been more sure of anything sir"

"And why aren't you celebrating with friends and family?" The older lady asked.

"He's about to leave again, we are musicians" I pipped up grabbing Daniel's hand...

They both nodded. "Okay, well lets get started then..."

We stood face to face, and the older couple stood in front of us, she handed me flowers and they gave us bands they sold on the side.

Something about this seemed off putting. My heart was pulling at me.

The Older man began speaking, the vow's were coming... This wasn't how I imagined it. This was moving too fast....

The only thing I heard in my mind was Tyler... asking me not to. He looked so sad, was I making a mistake? Why wasn't anyone in support of us? could we really do this? Why was this always so hard? And what happens when he goes on tour? What if he cheats? What if I cheat? what if we don't love each other as much as we think we do? what happens if nothing is what we thought it was.
Do I want to play divorced and lonely at my age?

"Cassandra...." The man spoke, I had missed my cue to say I do..

Daniel stood there looking at me. I was in love with him, that was clear in my mind. I never wanted to be with anyone else... So why couldn't I just say it? Maybe it will be okay.... ? but maybe it wont? ....

My mind raced... I knew I had to make a decision, now...

"Daniel.." I paused...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cassie?" .... "hey,... Cass"

I felt someone push my shoulders. I opened my eyes and Ally stood over me. I took a moment to figure out where I was. I was in my bed, in my room... home.... what happened?

I looked around for my phone.

"You don't want to look" Ally said, I noticed she was holding it now...

"Ally... give me my phone"

"You're not going to be happy" She handed it to me.

A text message from Daniel sent at 4:03 am

"I'm leaving, its clear after last night we can't make this work, I don't know why I thought this time would be different, you can keep the ring, or trash it I don't care,... Sorry I inconvenienced your life, but lets just let this die here ok?... Have a nice life Cassandra, hope you get whatever it is your looking for and clearly can't find in me..."


I teared up.


"So what happened Cass" Ally asked...

"I asked him to elope" I covered my face.

She was confused... "Then why is he leaving on tour early???"....

"Because I left him at the alter" I started crying.

"Oh.... but,...why?"

I threw my covers off of me and began looking for my jeans and hoodie "Because! It wasn't supposed to be that way! We hadn't spent any time trying to fix our problems! We spent time flirting and trying to reconnect but we cant build a marriage on lies! and he gave up! he just gave up!" I screamed... " He didn't even want to wait! He just gave up on us!"

"But you left him at the alter?"

I turned around and snapped at her "To Fix shit!"

"Don't yell at me I'm just trying to make sense of the gibberish"

I ran my hands through my hair and looked around. Finally found my jeans, slipped my hoodie on, ... grabbed my tennis shoes and headed towards my front door.

Ally followed. "Where are you going?"

"He doesn't just get to do this, he cant just leave me here with this ring.. and expect me to pine away for him!" I screamed "He gave up! He doesn't get to end this!"


I swung open my door. Angry... Tyler was in the hallway, Milo was on a leash in front of him..

He took one look at me.. "Are you okay?"

"Not now..." I stormed towards the car port.

I heard Ally tell him what was going on. He told her to hold Milo and I heard him start running. I started running to get away from him.

I reached my car and started crying, I put my key into the car door and he reached me before I could get in.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed.. "I have to end this!... He cant just do this to me! Leave me alone!"


Tyler grabbed me. I hit him in the chest. My heart was breaking... everything I felt for Daniel was dying. I felt like I was dying.

Tyler wrapped his arms around me and wouldn't let me go no matter how hard I protested.

I screamed and struggled... I finally gave up and bawled. My body felt weak, I could feel everything in my head and soul collide. My heart was broken, Daniel had given up on us. I remembered last night so clearly now...

I finally calmed down and Tyler released me.

"You've got to tell me what happened cass, connect these dots".. he had my face in his hands... "I just want to help you"

Tears still streaming... I finally spoke "We tried to elope last night,.. I left him at the alter because it suddenly made sense, we hadn't worked on anything we just fell back into our old habits.. reckless, stupid... impatient.. we never thought anything through we just did what we felt in the moment and it always hurt us later.. I just needed some more time, and he gave up. He couldn't give me more time. He just gave up on me, he didn't speak to me the ride home he dropped me off and took off, and now he's leaving for his tour and I don't get a goodbye, I don't get closure he just gives up!"

I started to get angry again...

I pushed Tyler, he kept a hold of me "Let me go, I have to go end this... I need to end this now"

"Your not driving!... I'll take you ... your not stable right now" he took my keys and told me to get in the car.

part of me knew he was enjoying this because Daniel would fail in the end but I just needed closure I didn't care who was with me now.

We made it to the parking lot where they were loading the band equipment into the bus. The guys were standing outside. Daniel stood his back towards the car when we pulled up.

I jumped out before Tyler had thrown it into park. He had no time to grab me before I was halfway across the parking lot Charging Daniel with fire in my eyes.

The guys were standing in front of him and they backed up with fear in their eyes... Daniel turned around and looked shocked.

"You don't get to throw this away, You don't get to tell me you quit!" I screamed.

"Cassie---" He held up his hands to calm me down...

"Guess what! I quit You.... I quit this!... you can go on your tour and you screw whoever you want to! All I wanted was some time, to figure this out, and you quit! shows me you couldn't handle this anyway" I yelled..

"Cassie" he grabbed me by the arm to take me inside of the building they were loading from.

Tyler came running up and grabbed Daniel to push him off me...

Daniel pushed Tyler back "This isn't your fight... stay out of it" Daniel protested.

"Maybe if you hadn't treated her so badly she wouldn't be here right now" Tyler snapped back..

"Yeah she'd be in my bed not yours" -- Daniel shot back with a look of victory in his eyes.

Tyler drew back to swing at Daniel, I caught him by the arm and pushed him away. "Go!" I yelled... That was not going to solve my issues right now. If anyone would hit Daniel it would most certainly be me not Tyler.

Tyler walked towards the car, I could tell he was still heated.

I stepped back "That's all I am, some sort of consolation prize"

"No, but Tyler has it in his head this is a competition,... clearly you chose me" Daniel said.

"Are you kidding me right now? Your going to choose now to fight with him about me?" I snapped

I grabbed Daniel by the arm and pulled him inside the building with me.

I shoved him against the wall and looked at his shocked face. He was around 6 foot tall but when I was angry everyone under estimated the power I wielded in my body.

"Your going to listen to me right now... You get on that bus and don't fix us don't you ever come back. This isn't about Tyler or some stupid competition you thought you were in this is about you and me and why you can't seem to give me even a little more time to work this out--"

"Work what out! You over thought it! That's what you always do!"

"No! You don't get to defend your decision!,.. you left me!"

"Me!? You left me at the alter!--eloping was your idea!" he snapped.

"We didn't work through anything! We've had so many issues and you just choose to get married despite them!"

"We had our whole lives to figure shit out I just wanted to be happy with you now! Why am I being punished for that!? Why am I being punished because I'm so madly in love with you I didn't want to think about the crap that came between us or could potentially rip us apart in the future?!" He yelled

I couldn't speak.

He continued "You sit there on your high horse acting like this is my fault, I left you... You left me first... back when Jason walked into your life. You act like he didn't mean anything but he ripped such a hole between us that we never recovered from."

"You got married...."

"Are we really going tit for tat here!?" He walked around and ran his hands through his hair "Oh My God Cassandra all I want is you... why are you so hell bent on sabotaging your own happiness!?"

"I can't trust ...."

"Me?... that's it,... you can't trust me." He looked like he was going to cry. "So this is how it ends then"

"If you get on that bus--"

"You'll what?.... come after me? Suddenly trust me?... suddenly realize I made you happy and you ruined it for yourself?... If I get on this bus I'll finish my life with music, and I guess if you don't come after me I'll know we weren't meant to be-- and I hope your happy with Tyler or whoever else it is after him" He threw his hands up. He started to walk out the door.

"Daniel--"

He stopped but didn't turn around. "Don't stop me unless your ready for this now, because I can't do this again. I won't do this again..."


I stayed silent.

He walked out the door, walked passed Tyler, grabbed his bag off the ground next to the bus and got on..

I leaned against the wall, tears welling up from deep inside of me. I slid down the wall and covered my face. My heart was breaking all over again. My head told me I made the right choice but my heart told me I couldn't let him walk away again.

Tyler came in a moment later and picked me off the floor and hugged me. The bus pulled out of the parking lot... and Tyler took me home.


I wasn't sure what was going to happen now but I was sure Daniel and I had come to our end...

Chapter 11

It had been 8 months since Daniel walked out and left me alone. We hadn't spoken, I hadn't the slightest idea where he was and most of my mind was kept occupied on my own life.

I took a sabbatical off from the band. I didn't write and I didn't sing. Alex told me he would be ready whenever I was.

Levi and Ally went back to college. They decided it was time for them to get a degree since the band was over until further notice.

I mostly stayed in, saw Tyler in the halls occasionally. Nothing romantic, we decided after everything happened we didn't want to destroy our friendship by dating. He was now in a relationship with a girl named Elizabeth, and I couldn't of been happier for him.

It had been 8 months though and I couldn't help but wonder why Daniel hadn't come home to see me. Not once.

I had made friends with my neighbor next door. A pretty blonde, also single. We hung out on a regular basis. Hailey and I usually had weekly movie nights alone together. She helped keep my mind off of Daniel. She knew the whole sad story. Its how we bonded. She had also dated someone from high school and it ended badly. She often encouraged me to pick up writing again but I hadn't been ready till recently to even attempt it.

A quick knock on my door and Hailey's face emerged.. "So good news, we are going out tonight" She smiled holding tickets in her hand.

"Oh?"

"Yes! Got tickets to a cool new club downtown, I know its not usually your scene but you've been moping around for long enough I can't take it anymore... I'm getting you out and possibly laid" she laughed.

"Seriously?, I don't hook up with randoms" I smiled.

I was parked on the couch in my sweat pants eating a bowl of cereal watching Gossip Girl on netflix. Clearly I was in no mood to go clubbing.

"Well so you pretend, get a few free drinks and come home to finish watching Blair and Chuck battle it out..." She smiled..

"Who's the entertainment?" I asked knowing every hot club had a band.

"No one anyone's heard of, but just come for the good time.. come on! At least go so I can meet someone" She smiled "I need to get me some... I'm tired of pining for my ex"

I sighed. "I don't have anything to wear"

"Luckily, I have a closet full of clothes that will be brand new to you" She giggled.


Hailey dressed me up in a cute little black dress and red heels. We did our hair and make up, she was wearing a red dress that was so skin tight I'm not sure a crow bar would of pulled it off. We went down to the club and against my better judgement I decided to have a drink.

We sat at a table close to the stage. She wondered off to talk to some guys that had been eye flirting with us since we walked in and I people watched for a few moments.

She came back over with one of the guys "This is my friend Cassie, ..Cass this is Alyx. He wants to buy you a drink" she smirked.

"I have one, thanks though" I smiled politely at him.

"She'll take it" She smiled at Alyx and he wondered off to the bar. "Cut it out, your going to scare them away"

"Good, maybe I'll miss the being date raped in the parking lot later too" I smirked.

"Woman..."

"Hailey... I'm here, count your blessings" ---"I'm staying to see this no name band and then I'm going home.. "

"Oh I think you'll stick around" She giggled and wondered off to the bar again.

The houselights came down on the club and the stage lights came up. The crowd cheered and I thought it was odd people were cheering for a band no one knew? Maybe they were drunker than I thought they were.

I looked around for Hailey, no sign of her. Alyx came back with a drink in his hand, he set it in front of me and sat down next to me.

He had me distracted while the band walked on stage. I heard the guitars being checked for sound a little,... and a voice rang out on the mic.

"Hey How are you guys?... Anyone hammered yet?" the crowd cheers.

Alyx is trying to keep my attention with some line about how I'm prettier than Hailey, and through I'm flattered at the lies I cant help but think the voice behind me on stage sounds familiar.

"So even though half of you may not remember this when you wake up tomorrow we're going to play some good music for you,... this is an old one but I'm sure you know it... good to be home!!" The voice yells out...

It clicks..

I whip my head around, ignoring Alyx altogether.

Daniel stood on stage a few feet from my face. Guitar in hand. Ripped jeans, Tshirt and jacket on. His brown hair was grown out in front of his face. He had his glasses on. Something he never wore during a set unless his eyes were puffy for some reason.

I started to get up. Alyx grabbed my arm "Can I get your number?"

"I'm--- I'm not ----Hailey will give you hers-- I have to go,.. but if you see her tell her I'm going to kill her" I said and stumbled backwards...

I was trapped in a sea of people at tables and standing around... The only exit door close enough was right next to stage. less than a foot from where Daniel was standing. Do I dare? ....

I looked at the front doors, I couldn't even see it from where I stood... people were packed in there. I spotted Hailey though, sitting at the bar flirting it up. She saw me and by the look on her face she knew I was mad. But It occurred to me she knew I would be.

I started for the door next to Daniel, I felt Alyx grab my arm... I turned around and pulled back I knocked over a waitress standing behind me with beers in her hand. It caused a ruckus and Daniel's eyes shifted to where I stood.

He defiantly saw me. I know because I looked at him at the same moment.

I apologized to the waitress and took off for the back door.

I made it outside and realized Hailey drove so I was trapped. This was a very underhanded plan.

I sat down on the curb and waited for her to come outside and find me. I wasn't going back in.

I felt all my feelings for Daniel come flooding back. My heart was still broken, I could feel it. I had always wondered what would of happened if I had chased after him that day 8 months ago. Would I be with him now? Would things of ended worse than they did? ..but whats worse than not speaking?

10 mins passed and it was clear Hailey wasn't in a hurry to come out here. I debated calling Tyler but didn't want to disrupt his date night with Elizabeth.

I was stuck...

I began walking around the parking lot to entertain myself. Listening to the sound of the heels click, like I was sophisticated. Heels always made me feel like more of a girl than I usually felt.

"Cassie" I heard someone say.

I turned around. The back door had opened and Daniel stood there. Hands in his pockets.

I couldn't speak. 8 months and I was still in love with him. Would this feeling ever die?

"You look---really pretty" He finally spoke after a few moments of silence.

I walked back towards the door slowly..I hadn't made it very far into the parking lot clicking my heels.

"I'm sorry I didn't know this was your gig--my friend dragged me here"

"Hailey" He spoke.

"How do you--"

"She called me"

"What?"

"Well,... I called you" He said. "About 2 days ago, I called your apartment, but Hailey picked up"

"What? where was I?"

"Shower I think she said." He looked down at the ground... "She apparently knew all about me"

He looked up at me again

I nodded.

"I told her I was in town and playing this show, and practically begged her to get you here" He stepped forward.

"You said I had to chase you---"

"I was stupid"

"You left --"

"I wish I hadn't"

"Daniel its been 8 months--no calls, no texts, no sign of you"

"I had a carrier pigeon but poor thing must of got lost" He half smiled.

"Don't make jokes"

"I just wanted to tell you I was sorry..."

"So why not just show up ..to my house, or call me"

"Hailey suggested I did something a little bigger"

"So you both trick me?"

He shrugged. "I'm not asking for you back, I know I've blown that, I just don't want you to hate me... I know I screwed everything up"

"No you didn't... you didn't help when you left but I sabotaged everything" --"I over thought it- You were right" I sighed.

"Did you throw the ring away?" He asked.

"No, its in a box at my apartment... why, do you want it back" I rolled my eyes.

"No, I don't... I want you to keep it, I just hope you don't remember the bad things when you look at it"

"I don't remember many good things" I sighed.

"I'm really sorry.... Cassie, I'm just so sorry"

I looked at the ground and sighed. I felt tears welling up. "I'm sorry too... "

"I don't know if we can ever make this work" He spoke softly. Almost somber.

I looked at him. "Maybe we just start over"

"You'd start over with me?"

"I can't seem to let go of you,..." I felt tears roll down my cheek.

He reached out for me. I moved in closer and he hugged me. "I want to start over" he sighed when he embraced me "I missed you so much..."

"I missed you too"....

I wasn't sure If I had just ruined everything or made my life better... Old habits die hard.

Chapter 12

I sat on my kitchen bar stool, leaned over the bar staring at the engagement ring in its box less than a foot from my face.

I started playing with the box wondering what it would of been like to wear every day. Would it have been the same if we had just eloped? Would things be better?

I sat up and began pushing it between both hands like a hockey puck. I sighed to myself. Staring at it wasn't helping anything. I hadn't even bothered to open the box since the day I shut it in my room.

I started to pop it open and my front door opened. I snapped it closed and turned around hiding the box in the pocket of my cardigan as I spun around to see Tyler standing in my house.

"Knocking is over rated huh? Yeah I always thought so too" I rolled my eyes with a smirk.

"Sorry, Elizabeth and I just got into it I had to get out of my apartment and she has the keys to my car.." He plopped on the couch and exhaled.

"Fight about what?" I went to the couch and sat on the other side.

"She's taking a job in Chicago, and she didn't even ask me about it, its like she doesn't care" ---"All this time, I thought she was it, and things were getting better and now she's just going to up and leave"

"Why don't you go with her?"

He looked at me with narrow eyes.

"I'm serious! Whats tying you here anyway?"

"My job?...My family? ...The band?"

"Your job is a waste of time, your family will understand and the band may never overcome this.."

"I didn't take you as a quitter"

"I didn't think you gave up so easily..." I smiled.

"I'm not quitting she is.."

"You should just go with her--"

"And do what? Be her house husband?, that's so stupid, I had things to accomplish with my life... I don't want to follow her around like a lost puppy" He leaned his head back on the couch. "Your terrible at advice"

"I'm not giving you advice, I'm telling you what to do.." I laughed. "Your just too stubborn to realize a good thing when its right in front of you"

"No, thats you---" He snapped.

I realized he was talking about me again.

He sighed "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"Its fine---lets not talk about it" I held my hand up.

We had done so well not talking about the past, its the only way our friendship stayed intact but sadly it was always the elephant in the room. Another reason I often left him and Elizabeth alone, I knew she could feel the awkward tension between Tyler and I. I didn't want her to get the impression I was after him or we weren't over, ..well, we never really started.

He looked at me "Would you want me to chase you?"

I paused.

"Hypothetical this isn't about all that..."

I thought a moment...

"If you really love her, she deserves to be chased" I half smiled.

He nodded... and sympathetically smiled. "Hailey told me what happened the other night..about Daniel"

I froze.

"Its OK, we're friends remember"

I nodded and looked at the floor... noticing how badly I needed to vacuum my carpet

"I think he should of chased you, but if I can give you some unsolicited advice?"

I nodded and looked at him.

"It won't work out if you just sit around waiting for him to get the clue"

"It won't work out if I chase him either,... I'm always chasing him"

He shook his head. "I can't believe I'm defending him but no, your not... there's been a lot of times he chased you and you couldn't find it in your heart to accept it."

"He always chased me after he did something stupid.."

"Guys are stupid" He laughed "We often realize how good we have it after we screw it all up"

I looked at him "So chase Elizabeth, and you won't have to look back and wonder why you didn't"

He laughed "Yeah I walked right into that one"

"Yes..."

"Why don't you call Daniel, whats it been like 2 days?"

I nodded "But shouldn't he---"

"Who cares anymore, we're all too old to be playing the back and forth game. I want you to be happy, you cant keep sitting here playing with the ring you know you want to wear" He smiled

"how did you--"

"I'm a ninja..." He smiled and got up

He headed for the door "I'm going to go salvage my relationship, and you should talk to him..."

"I can't believe your defending him" I laughed.

"I know, I'll have to wash my mouth out with peroxide when I get home... "

"Jeesh"

"I know, that will teach me.." he laughed again and walked out.


I sighed and pulled the ring out of my pocket. Maybe he's right we had been playing this game for too long. I couldn't just be friends with Daniel anyway. I didn't want to be, I wanted to marry him. Even after all the bullshit we had been through. I coudln't even think about the band again until I was happy, and I knew he was the only thing that was going to make me happy.

I picked up the phone and started dialing.

Chapter 13

I called Daniel's phone and my heart beat with anticipation. I was finally ready to give this a chance. I felt like it was the right time. I held the ring in my hands and listened to his phone ring...

"Hello?" A woman's voice answered.

"Uhh..Hello?, who's this?" I asked

"Tori who's this?"

"Why are you answering Daniel's phone?"

"He's in the shower I heard it ring? seriously who is this?"

"What are you doing at his place?"

"I came home with him last night?....who the hell is this?"

"Don't worry about it sweetheart,..."

"Do you want to leave a message for Daniel? I think he's almost done?"

"Nope,... Just don't even tell him I called"

"And who--"

I hung up and shoved the ring into my hoodie pocket....

Wow. Not even 2 days later and he's got girls sleeping over. Clearly this was not meant to be. I don't know why I keep trying.

I curled up on my couch and turned on Gossip Girl. Maybe I could pretend I had one of their lives. Even though they break up 1,000 times they still seem to give a shit about each other.

I tossed my phone on the end of the couch and closed my eyes.... My anger had turned into almost apathy for everything in that moment.


I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing next to me.

I checked the caller ID.

"Alex?" I picked up

"Hi, did I wake you?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep...whats up?" I sat up on the couch and rubbed my face. I checked the time it was 6 am.

"Well get up and get dressed I need you down at the studio the label wants to talk to you"

"What? Thought we were on a break"

"Just come down here, its important"

He hung up before I could say another word. I grabbed my shoes and grabbed my keys off the table.

I reached the studio and walked in, suddenly wishing I had dressed up for the occasion. The secretary for the record label and a few other guys were standing around Alex, in suits and I felt very under dressed

"Cassie, How nice of you to join us!" Loraine, the secretary greeted me. "Do you need a water or anything?"

"No I'm fine, what is this about?"

They motioned for me to have a seat on the couch across from them.

"We'll get started in just a moment" She smiled and turned around to continue talking to the big wigs.

Alex looked over at me I motioned to him.

"what?" he whispered

"Seriously? what is this? Am I dropped? just tell me now.."

He laughed "No,.. no no..."

Loraine turned to the door "Ah! here we go he's here!"

I turned to look and spotted Daniel walk in. He looked as surprised to see me as I was him.

"Have a seat" She smiled.

Daniel sat next to me, "Do you know whats going on?"

I didn't speak.


I was still hurt by the fact another girl answered his phone. It was probably petty and juvenile, we weren't even dating, hell we were just lucky to be talking I guess. But I felt myself wanting more and every time I tried he was already gone.... I was hurt and angry.

"Well, you guys are probably wondering what it is we have in mind today" - she began " don't worry no one is being dropped.... well unless you don't like our ideas, then we will have to figure out something else"

she smiled.. but it was a creepy dictator smile. I didn't like where this was going.

"So as you know your band has taken a hiatus" She looked at me. I suddenly felt ashamed.

"And your band needs more fans to get it off the ground" She looked at Daniel. Ha! He should be ashamed too... Guess this wasn't a competition for who sucks more, and frankly I would win that... but at least I would win something!

"We have decided to do some switches here"

Color me confused.

"What would you say to combining this?" she pointed to both of us.

"Come again?" I asked. "What on earth makes you think that's a good idea?" I looked at Alex. Does he not remember all the drama?

"Hear me out" She put her hand up "You wanted to go solo, Daniel's band is the perfect way to do that.."

"But its just that... Its my band" Daniel protested.

"And you'd like to tell me you wouldn't like to work with your girlfriend?" She smiled that creepy smile again.

"I'm not his girlfriend.... we're lucky we're even speaking" I was getting irritated.

Daniel looked at me confused. Guess he thinks his slut went unnoticed.

She grabbed a magazine off the table behind her and threw it on the coffee table in front of us.

It was a huge picture of Daniel and me outside that damn bar from the other night. Headline read "Daniel and mystery girl?"

"What the hell is this mess!?" I picked it up.

"Mad that your on the cover?" she asked

"Mad that she's a mystery girl" Daniel rolled his eyes

"You don't know me---" I looked at him. "what is this!" I tossed it back to the table "This is stupid!"

"Good, your mad, this will help me.."

"I don't see how"

"We combine the bands,... You get publicity and everyone remembers your name.." she pointed at both of us.

Alex was standing behind her, he looked like he couldn't tell if it was a good idea or not.

"What the hell..." I called him out.

"Its not my call" He shrugged

"And if it was!?" Daniel snapped

"Its not..." Loraine was stern.

"I don't understand how combining our bands is going to help anything"

"The start of the band your holding onto by a thread was you two. I remember the numbers when we first started this, you two is where its at, we need that to go back to whatever it was in the beginning"

"Well that makes 2 of us" Daniel sighed.

"Don't make this a relationship thing---" I said to him.

"Did I miss something here, I thought we were ok?" He looked irritated "Why are you snapping at me"

"I can't talk about this here..." I eyed him.

"How tragic would that be if we actually talked about things" Daniel said sarcastically.

"Seriously, your in no position to talk to me about whats tragic" I snapped

"What the hell is your problem?!" He snapped back.

"This is never going to work!" I protested her idea

"Your just going to quit before you start!? Typical Cassie move" He was pissed now too. Great.

"Quit before I start!? So you just suddenly want this to happen?! We split the band for a reason"

"You quit!" he snapped.

"You left the band--" argued

"And you left me for Jason! But I thought we weren't allowed to talk about relationship crap!" he threw his hands up and got up.

"No No.. you guys are not allowed to leave till we settle this"

"This is not therapy..."

"And this is not an option my dear children...either you combine your talents and raise these sale numbers or we drop you both. I've been patient for long enough but this label has to make money that's the way this shit works so either get on board or hop off this train and stop wasting my time, I'll need your answer my the end of the week"

She finished speaking and walked out, the guys in suits followed her.

I wasn't looking at either Daniel or Alex.

"I thought you guys made up at the bar" Alex sighed "I thought you would be okay with this"

"It never works out with us, Alex you know that" Daniel snapped.

"We are barley friends right now" I snapped.. "And clearly Daniel's dated around if I'm just some new mystery girl" I got up

"Its not like that and you know it" He snapped

"Look I don't know what happened at the gig the other night, but clearly we can't be friends because when things get pressed there's just too much shit between us to reconcile"I started to leave

"Oh good, walk out just like you always do" - Daniel snapped.

"Guys!" Alex yelled "We need an answer! Do you want to lose your careers!? I thought you wanted this!"

"I don't----I can't----" I sighed.

"You won't even try...and that's why I can't. She cant get past the last however many years we've been at this...even though I've done everything I could to salvage this friendship at the very least"

"Always the victim" I smiled "Some things never change"

"You know... second thought maybe you should leave" He looked at me.

I could feel my eyes watering. "Yeah probably want to get back to your slut huh?" I walked out.

The door swung open behind me I could hear him coming. I started for my car. My eyes were filled with tears now. I could still feel the ring in my pocket, I was so angry right now.

"Cassie!" He yelled. "What the hell does that mean!"

"Don't play stupid! Tori!? Is that her name!"

"Tori!?"..."How do you know--"

"I called, but she didn't tell you because I told her not to--"

"We aren't together... Cassie I don't understand--"

He kept walking closer.

"And we never will be because of this right here" I motioned between us "we cant even be friends without shit, our dreams are going to end here because your too much of an asshole to admit you've been playing me like a f*cking violin!"

I pulled the ring out of my pocket, It was still in its box and I launched it at him.

"Do me a favor and leave me alone" I got in my car and locked the doors.

I peeled out of the parking lot and burst into tears.

It felt so final, and my heart was broken. Part of me wanted to go back and tell him I knew I was being jealous, I knew we weren't together but the other part of me knew and remember all the times he promised he would wait. Promised he would give me time to work my life out. said he'd always be there and he failed me every single time. It was time I gave up on this pipe dream... And I guess my career died along with the feelings I had for him.

Chapter 14

I drove myself home that afternoon and walked into my apartment.  I slammed my purse down on the couch and walked into my bedroom. I was so sick of his crap, every time I tried to get past him, or accept him something happens, but no more.

I grabbed my suitcase, got into my drawers and found his old t-shirts. went into my closet and found an old hoodie he had left there. Grabbed some cd's he had given me, and old cards I had saved over the years. Highschool pictures of us toghether. I grabbed everything and anything that reminded me of him. Shoved it all into the suitcase and grabbed my keys.

I threw the bag into my car and drove to the studio. His car was gone but Alex was still there.  I marched inside and threw the bag down.

"Give this to him, I'm done" I said and walked out.

Alex followed me "What the hell is all that?"

"Everything....  our past, and our future, I'm over it, I can't get close to him because he kills me everytime I cant handle it Alex,"

"So thats it! Your going to let everything die because you can't get along with your ex!?,"

I glared. "You of all people should understand this feeling..."

"Heartbreak?..... earth shattering heartbreak..."

"Then stop trying to stick up for him! Or downsize this! I'm in pain Alex I can't work with him!" I started crying.

I stood in the parkinglot and cried. Alex came towards me and hugged me. "I'm sorry, I never should of allowed this... but I just didn't want this to be it for you, your so talented"

"I can find another lable" I mumbled

"you think?"... "you think I havn't tried to get you hooked into a new one?" He sighed. "I don't know kiddo this might be it for you guys.... but maybe thats best? If this is what is going to happen to you, maybe you need a normal life.."

"But I'm not ready to give up on it? I still want to sing...

he sighed and let go of me.

"So thats it?"

He shook his head. "I've tried everything..."

I stood there, in frustration.... "Do you know where he's staying?" I asked.

Alex gave me his address, crashing on a band mates couch...

I got in my car and took off before I could rethink this horrible decision.

I pulled up to the house and took a deep breath... "Remember, no matter what he says, you want this for your fans, you want this for your self... you only need his guitar, you can do this without being romantically linked... he's your guitar player, he's nothing more."
I started for the house.


I braced myself for the awkward impact and rang the doorbell.   A girl answered.

"Can I help you?"

"---Is Daniel here"  I asked, already wanting to kill him and her.

She nodded and motioned for me to come in. 

"no,... I can't stay I just need to talk to him for a sec" 

She nodded again and left the door open and walked away.

A second later Daniel appeared in the doorway.  He shut it behind him and came out on the porch.

"What are you doing here..."


"Look, I'm going to say this quick before I change my mind...this isn't what I want either but if we want to finish this we have to do what they ask. Alex can't switch us lables, and I can't give this up"

"Maybe its time I did..." He sighed.

"Are you fricking kidding me right now?"

"It does nothing but tear my life apart"

"Music, and touring isn't the reason your life is in shambles  you poor effing baby" I snapped. "Your an idiot and make horrible decision, thats why your life sucks... now put your big boy pants on and call that lady and tell her you accept... because I swear to God if your the only reason my career ends I will haunt you long after I'm dead..."  I pointed at him.

He smiled.

"What the hell is funny.."

"Forgot how funny it is when your angry, your like a small wind up toy, you get to a point where you won't wind up anymore and you just.... go off..."  he laughed. 

"What the hell just call her please..."  I rolled my eyes.

"You want to work with me..."

"I want my music back..."   

he nodded...

"Do you wanna know who the girl is?" He asked as he pulled out his cell phone.

"Its not necessary to my life at this point no...."

"Its adam's fiance...  adam, my band mate....  her name is tori"  He half smiled.

I felt stupid. but I wasn't going to let that show.

"Good for her.... "  I started off the porch.. He caught my arm.

"Alex... Hey, ....so Cass and I decided to do it anyway..." -----"Yeah she's here"----"No, I'm still  intact,.." he laughed "Yeah so tell her we will be in the studio next week....  thanks."

He hung up the phone and smiled at me.

"what..."

"Do you wanna come in?"

"No... its best we don't hang out"


He nodded "whatever you want.."

"Ok, I'll see you next week"

"Yep,..." 

I turned around and marched back to my car without looking back...   I did it.    Now go home before you do something else stupid...    well, maybe back to the studio to get his clothes back before he finds out I did that....  then home.....  to scream into my pillow about how bad this is giong to suck... and how good he looked just now standing in front of me.  Ugh!

Chapter 15

 

Strumming on my guitar on the balcony of my apartment. Daniel sat next to me in the lawn chair, guitar in hand. Notebook on the tiny table in front of us.  My hair was in a messy bun, pens wrapped up in the mess. Had one in my mouth as I strummed. He jotted some notes down on the book and strummed more.

"The chorus doesn't have a hook" I sighed. "I can't find that hook"

"Your being impatient" He sighed at me. "You need to relax and not rush this, its not how it works, you know that"

"Most of our music came from you"

"Your solo act was all you, how did you get those?"

"Anger" I replied with a half smile. "My diary entries"

"You pulled a T-swift? how clever of you" He smiled.

I sighed. "what time is it"

"Time for you to stop looking at your clock, we're not going to bed until we finish this song"

" I need a break"

"we need a hook"

"Then come up with one!" I pulled the guitar off my lap and onto the floor. I stood up and started to go in the apartment.
Daniel grabbed my leg "No"

"Come on, I have to get a drink"

He sighed "Fine, but this isn't over, 5 min break then we finish" He put his guitar down and followed me in the apartment.

He sat down at my bar while I got out glasses, and pulled juice from the fridge.

"Juice?" He smirked.

"Oh I'm sorry were you looking for something else?" I rolled my eyes.

"I know you have rum, I saw it"

"We do not need to have a drink, we will never finish"

"What if it opens our creativity?" He smiled "Just a couple shots, then I swear it will be easier to write"

"I dont think i've ever taken a shot of rum"

"Have you ever had a shot in general?" He asked.

"No,"

"Your such a new kid " he smiled, came around to the kitchen and grabbed the rum out of the cabnet. I dont ever remember telling him I had rum, but there it was, dusty and gross looking lol.

He poured a shot in a normal glass cup.

"Have at it"

"No"

"You have to, we cant waste good rum"

"Are you serious, we dont need to get drunk"

"who said anything about getting drunk, tipsy is not drunk, live a little you tight ass"  he laughed and took the shot for himself.

"fine"

He poured another one. 

I took a deep breath and took the shot.  Gah, now I know why they always use chasers.

He poured another for himself, and then for me.

I had a few more after that and my head felt fuzzy.

"We need to write more" I remember saying. Daniel's face was fuzzy, my eyes were playing tricks on me. I went to my couch and sat down to refocus.

He came around with the bottle again and sat next to me. We took a few more shots until the bottle was gone. I also noticed there was a bottle of vodka next to the rum. It looked like he was taking more shots than I was. I didnt even know I had vodka.

We laid on opposite ends of the couch for a while. Or at least it felt like a while.

My eyes were heavy and I felt hands on my body out of no where. I looked over at him and his arms were around my waist on the couch. He looked more smashed than I was. I wasn't sure what to do at this point. Part of me said no, and the other part of me had been waiting to jump his bones for a while now.

His hands climbed to my face. I looked at him and he smiled at me. "You're still the only one I want Cassie" he whispered.  he started to chuckle,  "don't tell cassie I said that, she'd be so pissed". He chuckled again.

I half smiled. My buzz wasn't as intense as his. He was clearly drunk.

He laid back on the couch. His hand was on my thigh. "She's the right girl, she always has been" he said closing his eyes. His hand moved up and down my thigh He found the rips in my jeans and slid his hand in. His hands were warm and sent a chill down my spine. It had been a while since he'd touched me. I could already feel the buzz wearing off but I didn't want to tell him no.

He learned over towards me again. His hand went for my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss. I knew he was drunk and he wouldnt remember this, but maybe that was okay. Maybe I could just get this out of my system. My train of thought was a wreck but I didn't care.

I kissed him back and I felt every bit of it. His hands slipped back around my waist. He was sitting up on the couch facing me now, and he pulled me towards him. He fumbled around with the buttons on my jeans but eventually got them unhooked. He was smiling through his kisses. I couldn't tell if he even knew it was me.  Part of me wondered if I wanted to do this while he was drunk. wouldnt it be better if he was sober and we knew we were in love?  I was already in love with him but this could never work and I knew that. Things got in the way. I just wanted a taste. was that so wrong??

I pulled his shirt off and ran my hands over his chest. I leaned in and kissed his neck. He slipped my shirt off and his hands were warm on my chest.

I pulled his hands off me and put them on my face. I kissed his palms and he smiled at me.  I knew he was half out of it. and my concious was kicking in. I knew better, and I knew that I knew better. As bad as I wanted him I didn't want him like this. I didn't want him to not remember it. I wanted to be with him when it was right. This wasnt right.

"Daniel" I put his hands down and I put my hands on his face. "I love you"    I said, knowing he wouldnt remember that tomorrow. 

"I love you too" He smiled.

"You should go to bed now"  I spoke slolwly.

"No" he shook his head. "We were getting to the good stuff" He chuckled.

"No, we are going to bed, we have to go to the studio tomorrow"  I stood up.

"No"

"Yes, your drunk we need to go to bed"

I stood up. He waited a few moments and pulled me down on him.  He held me down on him by my ass "who cares" he said kissing my chest that was now in his face.    My bra hadn't come off yet, thankfully. I was sure he couldnt remove that in his drunk state.

"Lets just do it now" He chuckled.

"You dont even know whats going on" I said.

"Im not drunk" he smiled.

"Yes you are, you've had too many shots"

"You havnt had enough"

"Exactly, Im not drunk"

"Who cares"

"come on, let me up, lets get you in bed"

"Only if you're comming" He chuckled again.

"Let go"

He let go. I stood back up and took the rum and vodka bottle to the kitchen. I turned around and he was sitting on the couch rubbing his head.

I walked back to the living room and sat down next to him. My jeans were buttoned back now, I had adjusted myself and let my concious win this battle.

He looked at me and smiled.

"what?"

"Your so logical" He said.

I couldn't tell how drunk he was right now.

"Well thats me, logical"

"don't you ever just want to let go?"

I shook my head "Lets just get you to bed"

He stood up a little wobbly. "You never let go" he went to the bedroom.

Something about his comment, resounded in my head. Is that all I am? My own joy killer? I was in love with this man. We never work out, but why cant I allow myself this one time to feel everything I want to feel? Why do I always have to say no?

I followed him into the bed room.  He was laying down on his back.   I stood at the door "You think Im too logical?"

He nodded and smiled.

I unbuttoned my pants and slid them off at the door. It was just me and my bra and panties standing in front of him.

He smiled again. "What are you doing?"

I half wondered if he wasn't as drunk now. It had been a while since his last drink, maybe it was wearing off. Maybe this was a bad idea. 

Maybe I didn't care enough.

I started towards the bed. I slid on top of him and unbuttoned his jeans. Slid them off. Slid my hands all over him.  He grabbed me. Pulled my mouth to his and I felt the passion flow through him.

Everything I had wanted secretly had happened..... and I was far too out of my mind to stop it from happening.

 

I awoke later, dead silence. lights turned off. I looked to my right, and he was curled up. a sheet over his lower back.  His skin looked amazing.  I just wondered if he would remember this at all. 

I rolled out of bed grabbed my robe off the closet door and went to the living room with a blanket. Maybe if I sleep in a different room we can avoid uncomfortable realizations in the morning.......

Maybe....

I know I needed to contemplate what I had done and how this was going to affect our ability to work together but all I wanted now was sleep

and maybe for right this second, not to regret the decision I had made to finally sleep with the man I was in love with.....

Maybe.... 

 

Chapter 16

When I awoke from the couch the next morning, Daniel was no where to be found. I got dressed and gathered my guitar and notebooks off the balcony of the apartment. 

I went ahead and took a shower to wash last nights mistake off of me.  I could hear Alex yelling in my ear, if he ever found out it would be an endless lecture about not dating your co workers.  Daniel and i were different, this wasnt a fly by night fling.  This was long awaited,  so why do I feel so awful about it? This wasn't how I wanted it.  Drunken sex and him gone in the morning.  This wasn't what I wanted at all.

I gathered my things and rushed to the studio to meet Alex, and Daniel to hopefully record the unfinished song we had.  Great, yet another mistake from last night. No finished music.

There would be no end to Alex wrath today.

I walked in and Daniel sat on the stool in the studio with the headphones on. Alex sat behind the guy at the booth, controlling the sound. I had never caught his name, guess I won't start now, that could be awkward? ...Oh you've been recording for us for a while now but im sorry i'm terribly rude not to have asked your name.   I'll ask alex later. 

"Good, your on time" Alex said,

"Yeah?"

"He had a piece he wanted to try out, he was early we thought we would see how it sounded"

I could hear it come through the speakers, the soft voice I loved hearing. The voice that made me fall in love with him all over again.  I wondered when he came out of the booth if he would remember anything about last night.  Maybe we could pretend it was all a bad dream and move on with our lives, and oh yea, never ever tell Alex.

The song wrapped and Daniel put his headphones down and came out. 

"Hey, what did you think?" he asked.

"It was good" I spoke.  Awkward glances oozed out of me. Its moments like this I cant remember what to do with my hands or face for that matter.

Daniel half smiled, he could sense the awkward.  Did he know why I was like this??? Maybe he remembers. Oh God, he remembers.

Alex spoke to break my thoughts "Ok so good, let me hear what you guys were working on last night" He smiled

For that to happen you would have to listen to the sound of us getting drunk, and a few moans and groans.  nope, not something I need him to hear....

"We hadn't finished it but we can play what we have so far" I spoke

"I pieced it together this morning" Daniel said, "I can show it to you.... if they can give us a second"  He looked at Alex

"Okay, we will turn the sound off, just motion when your ready"  he said.

We walked into the booth and shut the door.

"You finished it?" I asked "when?"

"last night"

"we were ---"

"After that,"

"Wait....what?"

"You slept on the couch and I finished the song"  He sat down.

"So, wait, you remember..."

He nodded and opened the notebook.

"And....?"

"Should there be an And at the end of that sentence?" He half smiled at me.

"I dont understand...."

"What is it I can enlighten you with" He replied

"You remember everything..."

"I dont think I was as wasted as you thought I was"

Im sure I turned 5 shades of red.

"Look, we can talk about that later,.... if we need to but alex is going to want to hear this in a second"

I nodded....  befuddled.

"I took a little creative liberty"  he opened the notebook and quickly taught me the line he wrote in for the chorus.  

Of course it had a hook.  His music was brilliant.

"You got it?"  Daniel looked at me, "Im going to tell alex, if you get lost just follow my lead...I'll give you the notebook"

"Ok?"

He grabbed a guitar... and motioned for Alex.

They turned up the sound and we were off... I followed his lead on the song, it was of course brilliant, why woudln't it be.  Everything he did was brilliant music wise. There hadnt been a moment we were singing together that I ever regretted... just everything else we did together.  

 

The session wrapped and Alex dismissed us with more homework.  We needed more songs by the end of the weekend, we were trying to cut an album in the next month and the record lable was being pushy. There was already talk of a tour. 

 

I followed Daniel out to the car and pushed his door closed as he opened it.

"Are we going to ignore the awkward?" I asked.

He smiled.  "Isn't that what you were doing in there?"

"In front of alex"

"He's still inside Cass,"

"So we are just not going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Last night"

He took a step back and smiled at me, "What do we need to talk about my dear"

I sighed, He called me by endearing nick names when he was making fun of me.

"I---I don't know"

"Okay then, can I go home?"

"N---yeah? I guess?"     I was confused.   I stepped away from his door.

He opened it and got in.

I went to my car and sighed. So what exactly were we then? Friends with benefits??

He was already gone.

I went back to my apartment.

Went upstairs still be fuddled.

I came up to my hall, turned the corner and Daniel stood leaning against my door.

"hi?"

"Hi" He smiled.  He moved so I could unlock my door, and he followed me inside shutting the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, and put my purse and keys on the bar.

"Homework I thought"  I could hear a smile in his voice.

"Oh,"  I turned around to face him.

He kept walking towards me. "I think we should hurry up and get to the homework don't you?" he smiled and grabbed me by the bottom of my shirt, slipping it off me with little effort.  

"I guess----"  I was already enamoured.  

He looks at me and I cant think.  This was no way to get answers...

He slipped his hands down to my jeans and unbuttoned them and backed me into the wall outside my bed room.

"Daniel---"

"You know the problem with you"   He smiled,  Lips close enough to feel his breath.  "You're impatient"  He slipped his shirt off.... 

"Oh?" I half smiled.

"And you talk too much...."     He pushed my jeans down

"I talk too much?" I responded,...

He pushed me farther into the wall and kissed my forehead.  His hands were on my waist.

"And you worry too much"   He kissed my cheeks....

"I have to worry this much because you don't worry at all"  I replied. 

He kissed my lips.  They were soft and smoothe.

"And you never tell me the truth"  He said and grabbed my hands, placing them on either side of his waist.

"What do you want me to tell you?"  I looked up at him.

"What exactly it is you want...."

He slipped his hands behind my back and tried to unlatch my bra.  

I slipped out from the wall and went into my room.

He followed.

"You want to know what I want?" ..."I don't think you can handle what I want"  

We stood in front of the bed,.... I unlatched his belt, pulled it out from his jeans and let it hit the floor.

"Tell me what you want cassie" He smiled, and kissed my forehead.

"This.....  Every day.....  Every second..... Just you and me.....and music"

He half laughed, and grabbed my hands...

Silence came over us

"You never respond when I tell you what I want" I said.

He pushed me back on the bed and laid over me.  "Because you've never told me what you've wanted"

He pushed the hair out of my face and kissed me. 

"So whats your response now"  I asked.  "Because I'm impatient as you've told me already" 

He smiled.  "Will you marry me?"

I froze.

I sat up on my elbows and he got off the bed. 

"What?"

"Will you marry me Cassie?"   He pulled a ring from his pocket, no box, and held it up to me.

"You---.....this-----....."

Daniel stood there,... waiting.

Everything in me wanted to say yes, but everything in me felt like we werent ready for this. we had just started this back, why couldnt we date first!? Maybe this isnt right?!

"Cassie---" He spoke again  "Stop thinking, and over analyzing....   Do you love me?" 

"Yes"

"Then don't think----"

He put the ring on my finger and part of me wanted to run and the other part of me couldn't be happier. 

I smiled.   "Yes" 

He kissed me and rolled me over.....

 

Something in my head was going off.... an alarm, or maybe it was birds,  I don't know. I almost remember hearing an "oh Shit" comming from somewhere....  but I guess this is a leap of faith.  

                                    And I don't know if this is a good idea......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.09.2012

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