Chapter 1

The bus parked at our first stop. This was the real deal, 36 days had made it to the big time, and though It wasn’t always easy I was so excited to have this chance with my band mates.

I walked through the bus, it was 5 am. I was too wired to sleep any longer. I put my jeans on and a hoodie and grabbed my headphones; I decided I’d go for a run. Shake what nerves I could get rid of.

My bed was in the back of the bus. As I walked forward I passed my band mates on their bunks. Levi the young drummer, little blonde and naïve, but the killer green eyes girls from everywhere flocked to see. I loved him and I protected him like he was my own little brother. Freshly 21, he was the one I was convinced would keep me young on this tour. Though I was only 2 years older I felt like there was a bigger gap between us. Above him was Kat, bombshell brunette, our bass player, one of my best friends, 22 years old and single as hell. She loved to flirt with everything and she was half the reason our name reached such great levels of stardom. The other side was Daniel, dirty blonde, blue eyes that could pierce right through you, and one of my best friends. We’d been friends since middle school, and he was the one to hand me a guitar to begin with. He was my lead guitarist and most of the inspiration for this band came from him.

I passed through the hall and entered the common area. Our manager Alex laid asleep in paper work, his laptop still turned on in front of him. A picture of his beautiful wife Leah and her very pregnant belly was his desktop picture. I know he missed her a lot, and I felt bad for dragging him on this tour every single day. He’ll tell you it was his idea but in reality I know he needs the money but he’d rather be home with his wife, and who could blame him. He seemed to have the perfect life back home. He was only 27 and he seemed to have everything figured out. I considered him a mentor and more like an older brother, he was usually the only one to talk any sense into me.

I pulled my hood up over my head and put my headphones in as I exited the bus.

The sweet Tennessee air welcomed me and I started walking; I walked up towards the auditorium, thinking it probably wouldn’t’ be open at this hour but much to my surprise when I pulled on the door it unlatched and I went in.

I started wondering the halls listening to paramore, their music seemed to have great insight into my own life so I often used their lyrics as inspiration to keep going.

I made around the corner to the main auditorium doors and walked in. The lights were on but dim, you could just see the stage lit up. From all the way at the back it seemed like an eternity to get up there. I started walking.

When I made it to the stage I Pulled myself up onto it and sat in the middle of it looking around and taking it all in. I felt very small at that moment, I couldn’t believe we had made it here after waiting so long for our big break. This was intense.

I laid on my back and looked up at the ceiling. I pulled my hand up in front of my face, the ring that was on my finger now sparkled more than ever, I wasn’t sure which was more intense, the impending marriage to my highschool sweetheart Jason back home, or this magnificent view of this auditorium?

I laid my hand down and I closed my eyes for a moment to take in this moment. When I opened my eyes Daniel’s blue eyes sparkled up over me.

“Can I join you?” he asked.

I pulled my headphones out of my ears “Yes why are you up this early?”

“I heard you leave the bus” He sat down next to me.

I popped up on my elbows and looked up at him “I’m sorry I woke you”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just needed to remember this, you know? Took us so long to get here---“

“yeah I know what you mean, seems surreal” he said getting up and grabbing one of the acoustic guitars behind him. Sitting back down next to me he started strumming. “its hard to believe in a few hours this place will be jammed with people waiting to hear you sing”

“—Hear Us play” I corrected him.

He rolled his eyes “You always did sell yourself short”

“This band isn’t about me”

“No but you keep it together”

“How you figure?”

“you’re the reason I’m here” He smiled

“Being a dictator doesn’t exactly qualify me as a good band leader” I returned the smile.

“Your not a dictator Cass”

“I think levi thinks I am” I rolled my eyes and laid back down on my back.

“He’s young and stupid” he laughed. “kat too” he added,

“And we’re not?”

“Well, You’re not, you’re a lyric genius, with a passion for music like I’ve never seen, I don’t know why you don’t realize what an asset you are”

He put down the guitar and lay down next to me. Propping himself up on his side with his arm.

“And why exactly are you here if you’re stupid?” I smiled

“I’m a follower” he laughed.

I laughed.

“And I would of ----missed-----you” he said and faded off.

I looked at him “You would of missed me?” I asked

“Would you have missed me?” he questioned.

“Well yeah you’re my best friend; I couldn’t do this without you”

“Friend” he sighed.

He sat up and pulled his hands around his knees. “Friend huh” he repeated

I sat up “Yes, aren’t we friends?”

“Is that all we are?” he looked at me, very sincere.

“Daniel---“

“Cassie I know you feel this too, I can’t be the only one ---“

I looked down at my hand; I realized I hadn’t had a chance to tell him with the craziness of trying to get this tour together. This was the first spare min Daniel and I had together since Jason had popped the question last night before we started on this tour.
Daniel glanced down to see the ring. He picked up my hand. “He asked you” He said, trying to sound supportive but he sounded more defeated than anything.

“I assume this means yes” he put my hand back down. I didn’t look up at him, I couldn’t say anything.

“When were you going to tell me?” he asked.

“When we had a min alone together” I finally looked up at him.

A moment of silence between us, and before I could say anything else I felt his lips pressed to mine.

My first reaction was to ----kiss back. My heart pounded, I felt his hand slip around my waist, and my hand slipped around his neck to pull him closer. I lay down on my back and he was up over me. His lips were soft, and his cologne was intoxicating. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and everything in my head was telling me to stop but my heart was telling me to keep going.

His right hand stayed grounded next to my head, but his left hand slipped up under my hoodie and tank top and his finger tips felt electric. I lifted up and felt my conscious kick in as he started to take my hoodie off. I pushed his hands down and pulled away.

“Cassie---“

Everything in my head was telling me to run back to the bus, but my heart was calling for him. I grabbed his hand and stood up. I pulled him off stage and we went back into the hallways

“Where are we going?”

“shhh, I don’t want to think right now” I whispered.

We ran down the hallway until we stumbled into the first room we could find with a couch.
I pulled him inside turned around and locked the door and turned back around to face him.

“Cassie are you sure you----“

I pulled him towards me and our lips locked once again.

My heart pounded as he pulled my hoodie off, I could feel his heart beating hard thorough his chest, I knew he had been waiting for me as long as I had been waiting for him. I didn’t know why in this one moment I had chosen to give into every feeling in my body rather than listen to my head but at the moment I didn’t care. He pulled me down onto the couch and I pulled his shirt off. The necklace I had given him, a lucky horse shoe was the only thing on his bare chest now, and I was intoxicated by the scent of his skin and the feeling of his hands on my body. My tank top slipped off and he kissed my neck as he laid me back. I stretched my legs out onto the full extent of the couch and he laid over me. I felt every inch of his skin pulling at mine and I couldn’t get close enough fast enough.
I had no sense of time, I had no sense of reality in these moments, his kiss was the only thing I was craving, and it was a long time in coming. I had kept him at arm’s length for too long, my body couldn’t take the pressure anymore.

He unbuttoned my jeans and was at my lower stomach, kissing and working his way down. I laid my head back and let my passion flood my senses in that moment.

“Cassie???” ----“Daniel!?.....—Anyone??”

Daniel stopped, and I couldn’t move. Suddenly reality sank in and we both realized what was going on.

“Cassandra? – I thought she came in here about an hour ago?” I heard Alex outside in the hallway.

Daniel jumped up and flipped the light off.

I jumped up and started searching for my shirt and hoodie in the dark.

The door handle rattled and we both stood in terror at the thought of being caught in this scandalous position.

Alex gave up on unlocking the door and wondered off down the hallway, still calling our names.

We waited a few mins and Daniel flipped the lights back on. He was stil shirtless, the top of his jeans pushed down to show the V I had been waiting years to see. His body was intoxicating, something even Channing Tatum would envy. He walked towards the couch and grabbed his shirt off the couch, slipping it back over his head, I realized I hadn’t moved in a few mins.

“---Cass?” he whispered.

I realized I was staring at him.

“Shit---“ I suddenly said letting reality slip into my head. “Shit shit! Jason.. Shit!” I slipped my flip flops back on and took my waddled up hoodie, unlocked the door, turned around and snapped “Don’t follow me”. I opened the door and took off down the hallway instantly wanting to turn around and run back into him. Shit, this was a mess.

I found myself back in the bus moments later out of breath. Alex, Levi and Kat all sitting in the common room looking at me.

“Where have you been?” Alex grilled me.

“I went for a run around the auditorium? “ I said thankfully feeling sweaty and out of breath to further make my point.

“And Daniel?” Kat asked.

“I thought he was asleep? He was asleep when I left? “ I said “Maybe he’s getting breakfast?” I said realizing it was almost 7 am now.

“Well, go get ready we have to talk about this set list” Alex said looking less than satisfied with my answers.

I walked to the back of the bus and heard the door shut behind me. I assumed everyone had left the bus but I was wrong.

“You smell like him” Kat cornered me. Obviously pissed.

“Who?” I asked.

“Seriously Cass don’t play stupid, You were with him weren’t you? “

“Look crazy I went for a run”

“then why is your tank top on inside out?” she said getting closer.

Kat was taller than me, and if she wanted to I knew she could do some damage, I had never been afraid of her until this moment. But I did what any normal girl would of done- faked it.

“Can you back up your in my space?”

“YOU didn’t answer me” she got angrier

“Seriously? It was dark when I got dressed I couldn't see anything, I got up at 5 am Crazy”

“Why don’t you just come clean?”

“Why don’t YOU just back off”

“You cant have him Cassie, He’s mine”

“You have a claim on Daniel? I Think I missed that memo”

“HA! You knew I was talking about Daniel”

“Are you kidding me? Who the hell else would you be talking about?” I snapped.

“You cant have him!”

“You don’t own him” I laughed at her.

“So your just going to have him on the side of your impending marriage!” she shouted.

“Shut up! I Don’t have anyone on the side!” I yelled back

“your damn right! I’ll be dammed if you take him too!”

“Too? What does that mean!??”

“You know EXACTLY what that means!”

“Humor me” I looked at her,. Testing her limits.

“You stole him- You know what you did”

“If your never going to let that go kat, you should just quit the band because I cant take hearing this for the rest of my life”

“should have been MY LIFE! That should be MY RING!”

“Seriously!? I didn’t Steal Jason! He asked me out!”

“You were never supposed to be home that day!”

“I don’t understand what something back in College has to do with this crap”

“You cant have both of them!”

“I don’t have Daniel!”

“You may have yourself fooled, or even this whole damn band, even Jason! But I know whats going on here and I’ll be dammed if you get everything” she snapped and stormed out of the bus.

I laid back on my bed and groaned… My phone vibrated next to me.

“Lets talk” Was all it said, Daniels number popped up.

I clicked my phone closed. “lets not” I whispered to myself.

I closed my eyes and all I could see was his smile and I just kept reliving the last hour over and over.

Chapter 2

A few days had passed. Daniel and I hadn’t spoken and the ice between kat and I was as frozen as ever. I spent most of my time with levi and Alex going over the set list and tweaking it each night so we didn’t get into a rut during this tour. I decided I wasn’t going to talk about that night with anyone especially not Daniel, and every time he entered the room I dodged his eye sight and left when I could.

We had been driving all night, and I was lying on my bed in the back with my laptop on skype with Jason. Hoping seeing his face would make me less inclined to feel this lingering desire for Daniel just a few feet from me. I could see his body asleep in his bunk from my bed and my eyes glanced over every so often against my own will.

“So are all of you getting a long okay? That bus seems like a small space with too many people in it” Jason chuckled.

“Yeah its’ okay, we’re already all like family you know” I said, and then remembered that kat and I currently hate each other. Details aren’t necessary to Jason though.

“Well, have you thought anymore about the wedding plans?” He asked.

“No actually things have been kind of crazy here” I said. Then feeling bad instantly,
“Yeah I assumed as much, so I kind of volunteered abbey to help you out with it?” Jason said.

“Abbey? Your sister abbey? Doesn’t she have like a busy life?” I smiled, hoping I didn’t come across as freaked out.

“Yeah but she said she wanted to help, she knows you have a lot going on and since we want to do it when you get home in a few months I thought she could help you know, get a list going?” Jason said “I just want to help you “

“Yeah I know, That’s fine I guess sure.. tell her thank you” I said, and glanced up to see Daniel standing in the doorway of my room. “I gotta go though okay? The bus is asleep and I don’t want to wake anyone up, I kinda need some sleep too” I sighed. Hoping Daniel would get the hint.

“Yeah sure babe, call me tomorrow and let me know how your set goes, I love you” He said
“Sure I will “I looked up and couldn’t tell Jason I loved him with daniel’s eyes on me.

I closed my computer and tossed it to the side. Hoping Jase didn’t get mad for me not saying I love him later on. Deal with one problem at a time.

There was a door to block off each section of the bus. And mine was now closed with Daniel inside.

“You didn’t tell him you love him back” Daniel said sitting on the end of my bed.

“You were staring right at me.” I sighed and lay back crossing my arms.

“It seems I have to corner you to get you to even look at me now” he responded.

“I just don’t have anything to say”

“Cassie you always have something to say” he smiled. “So why don’t you just say what your feeling and we can go from there”

“Why don’t you say what your feeling----nevermind, Nevermind! I don’t need to know” I put my hand up realizing I didn’t want to complicate my life.

He grabbed my hand. “You know how I feel about you” he whispered so the others wouldn’t hear him.

“Daniel---“

“You can’t push this down forever cass I felt everything with that kiss”

“Just the kiss?” I sighed and put a pillow over my head “im so stupid!”

He crawled up beside me in bed and picked the pillow up “Actually, yes, just in the kiss”

I glared at him “Theres no way”

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to kiss you?”

“Daniel---“

“no seriously cass I’m not bullshitting you, ive been waiting a long time”

“We tried the whole dating thing back in highschool remember? We failed, why do you think it would work now?”

“We never dated cass, you ran away from me and accidentally ran into Jason”

“Why does everyone think that was an accident!?”

“what?”

“Oh and btw your girlfriend threw a shit fit the other day thanks for that”

“What?”

“Kat” I whispered.

“Kat threw a fit?” he asked.

“Yes”

He paused and looked around for a second like he was thinking.

“no? …No I have no idea why she would do that”

“no idea..? because she couldn’t possibly have a thing for you” I sat up.

“Cass—“ He tried to grab my arm and pull me back down.

“Don’t---“ I pulled away from him.

“Cassie seriously I don’t want anyone el----“

“No… don’t do that…Don’t tell me pretty things I cant do that again”

“I’m not lying to you”

I started to stand up and realized I was only wearing a tshirt and my girlie boxers. Not exactly the type of outfit I wanted Daniel to witness me in, in light of these circumstances.

“Please go” I sighed.

“Cassandra” he used my full name, that’s when I knew he was being serious. He sat up on the bed and grabbed me.

I fought to get out of his grip when my heart was telling me to give in. I kept my eyes down and tried to think of the commitment I made to Jason. One I had already broken but if I didn’t make it any worse maybe it would just go away.

I struggled in his grip for a few moments and he pulled me closer to him. He whispered and his lips were so close I could feel his breath on mine.

“You can fight me, you can fight this, but I won’t give up on us, I felt everything I needed to in that kiss. I’ve been in love with you since middle school and I won’t just let this die, but at some point I’ll get smart and walk away I just hope you realize what you want before that” He kissed my cheek and pulled himself off my bed shutting the door behind him.

I sank down into my bed and felt my tears welling. I brought my hands to my face and took another look at my ring. It still sparkled. Princess cut, clean pretty, everything I had waiting for, but was Jason?

The tears rolled down my cheek and I closed my eyes.


I wondered into sound check the next morning, in my jeans and a tank. I had thrown my hair up in a bun and grabbed my guitar on the way out of the bus. I wasn’t sure what kind of scene I would walk into today. I wasn’t totally convinced Kat had been asleep during Daniel and I’s conversation just a thin wall over so I wasn’t sure what kind of girl drama she would inflict on me today but I had sound check and this band came first so she’d have to leave me alone for at least the next hour.

“Nice of you to join us “Alex welcomed me in sarcasm. “You look like you had a rough one”
“Well we can’t all get up at the crack of dawn to put our make up on” I looked over at kat. Done up to the nines, skinny jeans, heels, a tank that she no doubt bought at the baby gap. Clearly she was starting a fashion war with me to lour Daniel in. Funny that she’ll be the only one playing. Clearly I had lost when I got dressed this morning in last nights tank and jeans.

“Some of us care what we represent” She said

“Whore?” I let slip, “You got that covered sister” and smiled at her.

“What did you say to me?” she dropped the mic she had been adjusting and walked towards me. As if she wasn’t already tall, who needed taller heels if they were already tall? That seemed like a ridiculous waste of money.

“Whoa whoa Whoa!” Alex got between us as she got close enough to tower over me. As if Daniel would ever go for tall girls in heels, didn’t she know him at all!?

Alex looked at me “What the heck is going on here?”

I heard Daniel and Levi walk up just then.

“Girl fight?!” I heard Levi’s excitement. He was so 21.

I turned around to face them “No, Kat was just showing me how tall her heels were” I turned back around to her.

She fake smiled and walked back to her mic.

She knew she couldn’t tell anyone why we were fighting because she’d never win Daniel that way, and she knew if I had covered for her then I wasn’t going to spill it so we had an unspoken agreement to not speak of this. Thank God!

Alex looked puzzled for a moment and shook his head and walked down the stage steps calling out that he’d be in the sound booth over his shoulder as he walked down the isle of the auditorium and left the 4 of us on stage.

I looked over at Kat and she was angrily fidgeting with everything she could find to my left.

I pulled my guitar strap up and over my head and took my position in the front. Levi took a seat at the drums and clicked his sticks together behind me and to my right was Daniel with his electric, poised and ready to go.

I looked up to the sound booth and saw Alex give us the signal to start.

2 mins later we were cut. Kat was off, and Alex said I was flat.

We restarted.

We ran through 3 songs and he interrupted again.

The tempo was off and I was off on the chords.

We started again.

an hour later we all emerged from the worse sound check we’ve ever had and were met by Alex back stage.

“Well hi guys I’m alex I don’t think any of us have met before? Because it sure as hell sounds like none of you have played an instrument before now” He scolded. “ do any of you have anything to say for yourselves?”

Levi raised his hand “In my defense I can only follow a tempo of a guitar that doesn’t suck” he smiled

Alex sighed and shook his head. “Daniel, Levi your dismissed.”

Daniel stared to walk off looking at me, he realized levi wasn’t behind him and he turned around and grabbed him by the arm. I heard levi complain he couldn’t hear kat and I get yelled at as he was pulled down the hallway.

“Laides” he turned to us “Either of you want to explain what’s going on between you two?”
Kat didn’t look at him.

“Nothing Alex, we had a spat, but we are girls and we do that sometimes, we’ll get over it, I promise we’ll be fine by tonight I’m sorry” I said taking responsibility for something I didn’t start to begin with. As always I take the heat for everything.

He sighed “Look guys, this is your chance to shine, not mine. At the end of this tour they won’t know who I am but you guys will get to the top if you do this right and not let petty crap come between you. You two have been friends forever, now I think I know what’s going on here and the only thing I have to say is everyone on this band is replaceable so if you don’t get it together I can replace members so no one is fighting” he looked into my eyes.

A chill ran through me, I knew he knew and I felt like a moron.

Alex was a huge part of my life, he was like the older brother I never had. He was always looking out for me the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him. He took time out of his life to come on this tour; I knew this needed to stop here.

I shook my head to tell him I understood and he walked off down the hallway.
Kat started to walk away and I grabbed her arm.

“Let go” she turned around and looked at me

“Kat seriously, we need to let this go”

“Let what go? I’m perfectly fine” she spat.

“Look, I don’t have a claim on Daniel, I’m with Jason, I’m not fighting you for him, he’s all yours” I let go of her and put my hands up “I’m done with this”

She walked off down the hallway. Her arms crossed.

I didn’t know if she believed me or not but at the very least maybe she’d stop being a bitch to me long enough to get through tonight.

God just let me make it through tonight…

Chapter 3

The lights out, no light but the one over the stage and even it was dimmed. I was seated on the edge of the stage, my guitar down to my side, and Daniel was playing his acoustic next to me. We were writing another song together, something Alex insisted on which was a surprise because of everything going on, but Daniel of course agreed before I got a chance to say no.

The rest of the band was back in the bus, we were told to take advantage of the empty auditorium that night. Alex gave us a few hours to ourselves; he said the band needed a new song to ensure the value of another album and a second tour.
Daniel strummed; I watched each stroke of his hand. I could see the veins and they looked just as soft as they felt.

We had only written a few lines so far and he started singing them. His voice was raspy and sent me into a trance like it always used to, back before this band even started. I remembered back to the garage sessions him and I would have. Just us and our guitars; our voices mixed well I always thought so, I missed those days. Back when things weren’t complicated, and I was in denial of his feelings for me. But then again maybe I didn’t want to not know what he was thinking. Honestly all I wanted to do now was repeat the moment between us 3 weeks ago back in Tennessee.

“What do you think of that?” he stopped strumming and looked at me.

I realized I hadn’t been paying attention; I had just been lost in a trance of him.
“Oh, Um, it’s good” I said looking at the stuff he had scribbled out on the paper oh his lap.

“Did you even hear it?” he smiled at me. “Looked like you were somewhere else”

I sighed. “Kind of”

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Just miss old times” I half smiled at him

He returned the smile. “Senior year when we started this whole band”

I nodded.

“Yeah I miss it too” – “I think I miss the times like this the most, we had more of a connection when we were writing music, I don’t think I ever had more fun than when we were writing music”

“Me too” I smiled “It seemed to come a lot easier to me back then” I said picking up the notebook from his lap and looking at the few lines we had written.

“I think we are putting too much thought into this, when we used to do this it came naturally” he said “I think we should just play and see what comes out?” he said motioned for me to pick up my guitar.

I started playing the chords he had already been playing, he joined in and we played the same few chords over and over.

Daniel started singing the lines we had written and I picked up where he dropped off with a few more lines that he jotted down as I sang. I lost myself in the moment and kept finding the right words.

The chorus came to me quickly; the same line kept hitting me in the face “Take me back” I kept playing and mumbling that line.

Daniel started singing, the lines fell off his lips like honey and it pieced together like it used to, so quickly, it felt so right.

I looked up as he continued playing, and piecing things together, and I let my memory take me back to the days when his friendship was all I needed.

We had been friends since middle school, he had been the only boy to stick up for me, and protect me when we were younger, as we got older and high school came, I fell back to him with every heart ache of a relationship gone wrong. He was my constant, and my best friend. I confided everything in him. He sadly knew more about me than I had even let Jason know.

When we dated for those two weeks he was right, I ran from him. The fear of losing his friendship over came me and I backed off. He did everything he could to ensure we would be fine, and deep down I knew I wanted to be with him even back then but I couldn’t risk it. I felt like I was a failure at relationships and I would fail him too.

Drowning in self loathing when I was roommates with Kat in college Jason stumbled into my life. He was sweet and nice to look at. He took my mind off my problems and I didn’t have a previous friendship with him so I didn’t fear losing anything. I fell hard and fast for him and looking back I realize how difficult this whole thing must have been for Daniel. He waited for so long for me to come back and tell him I was ready, and now I’m with someone else, and still toying around with his feelings. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t just do this to him anymore. He deserved so much better than me.

“Cassie?” ---“Cass did you wonder off again?” he waved his hand in front of my face.

“I’m sorry----I---“I looked at him. “Don’t wait for me” I looked at him.

He looked puzzled.

“You’ve waited long enough, don’t wait for me, you deserve a lot more than I could ever give you, I don’t want you to wait for me” I said. Even as it came out of my mouth I knew I didn’t mean it.

He didn’t respond. He still looked confused.

I got up, grabbed my guitar and walked back to the bus. I felt like some silence between us might let it sink in this time. Maybe he would move on and I could too.

We didn’t speak for a few days. It was a long bus ride, and I locked myself up in the back trying to write more music to clear my head. I hadn’t returned Jason’s calls in a couple days, I text him a few times to tell him I was too busy, even though I just didn’t want to hear his voice because it made me feel more guilty every time.

Daniel kept to himself, kept his headphones on a lot and fell silent during each sound check. I felt like I should say something to break the silence, it had been 3 days but maybe there was nothing I could say at this point to fix this. All I had hoped for at this point was maybe Kat had a chance to steal him away so at least I didn’t have to watch him suffer. Daniel wasn’t the type to be easily swayed though, and I knew that. He wasn’t the type to fall fast or hard or even try to fall at all if he didn’t want to. I felt like Kat would be trying forever and never succeeding. Part of me was happy, the other part of me was sorry I had caused either one of them frustration.

Days of silence was broken during a concert, as I ended one of our songs I heard Daniel’s voice over the sound system.

“Would you guys like to hear something different?” The crowd cheered for him.

“I’d like to play you something different for a sec if you’ll let me?”
The crowd cheered again.

I didn’t know what was going on. I looked to Kat and she looked confused, so I looked back at Levi who smiled at me. Clearly the boys were up to no good.

I looked off to the right I could see Alex behind the curtain motioning for me to move over and let Daniel take center.

I switched Daniel spaces, confused. He brought a stool over for himself and started strumming a little bit.

“How about a cover?” He chuckled into the mic. The crowd cheered once again.

I looked over at Kat and mouthed “Cover???” she shook her head, clearly she was lost too. I looked back at Alex, frustrated that no one told me what was going on. Alex mouthed “Go with it”

His guitar started playing a three days grace cover. One I didn’t realize he could play and the lyrics started, piercing through me all at once.

“I remember when I said im nothing without you….” “some how I found a way to get lost in you, Let me inside, Let me get close to you, Change your mind, I’ll get lost if you want me to, somehow I found a way to get lost in you”

The crowd was screaming for him. I felt very tiny in that moment.

“You always thought that I left myself open, but you didn’t know I was already broken, I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad, pulling away it took everything I had…. "

“Lost in you “I whispered to myself, 3 days grace. That was one of my favorite songs. And scary enough the lyrics seemed to fit the situation going on right now.

He finished and got up thanking the crowd for their support. When they calmed down he spoke again.

“I want to say thank you to all of you over the last few years you’ve really brought this band where I always knew it could go. My best friend Cass and I always hoped for this but it was always a pipe dream until you guys reached out and helped us make this dream come alive, but as you know all good things come to an end, and I’ve decided to pursue other things and will be leaving the band”

The crowd was shocked.

I was shocked.

Oddly enough Kat didn’t look shocked? And Neither did levi.

I turned around and saw that alex wasn’t standing there anymore, Oh he could run but he couldn’t hide.

“I just want you guys to know that your support has meant the world to me and this band couldn’t have made it this far without you!” Daniel shouted. “So I dedicate this last one to you guys!”

He started the music for one of our songs, and at that moment I didn’t feel like singing but I sucked it up and traded places with him.

We wrapped the set a few minutes later and as the crowd cheered us we walked off stage.
Daniel was already clear down the hallway. Kat was nowhere to be found, and levi was sneaking out into the crowd to meet girls as he usually did.

I stormed down the back hallway. Hell hath no fury.

“ALEX!” I screamed so that he was sure to hear me. In fact the whole damn place could hear me. I continued screaming until I saw his head pop out of one of the offices in this enormous auditorium.

I stormed into the room, Daniel stood just inside the door with his arms crossed watching me as I walked in.

I slammed the door behind me.

I screamed obscenities because there was no amount of normal words that would make me feel better in that moment. The whole band under minded me and kicked someone out?! This was unreal!

“WHAT the hell is going on!” I screamed at alex.

Alex held his hand up “This is for the best cassie! Calm down”

“Like hell it is! Who’s idea was this!!”

Alex paused “Well cass I felt---“

Daniel spoke up “No, it’s ok, It was mine cassie, Alex didn’t have anything to do with this, he’s just helping me get a ride home”

“What the hell? Your leaving now? Your not even going to finish the tour?” I spat

“Whats the point cassie? This is going to end anyway?”

“What do you mean whats the point?! Your part of this band! You founded this band! ---I---We need you! “

He sighed

“I’ll be outside guys,” Alex said as he walked past us and shut the door behind him.

My eyes welled up “Why are you doing this to me”

“To you?” he asked “I’m doing this for me Cass, this is what’s best for the band, this is what’s going to take you guys farther, I’m causing the problems here I’ve thought this through I promise”

“No,… No Your not leaving, You can’t leave, I forbid you to leave this band” I snapped

He reached for me.

I pulled away “No! Your not leaving!”--"I quit.."

“You can’t do that”

“I can! You always said I hold this band together! If you quit I quit!”

He shook his head “You’re being stupid”

“You’re being stupid!”

“Cassandra Jane Shut Up!” He snapped “I’m not doing this to you, I’m doing this for you”

“I need you here, I can’t do this without you, and I don’t want to do this without you” I started crying.

He hugged me. “I can’t stay here Cass, I’m keeping you from the life you deserve and we both know I’m the only hang up here, for you and Kat, for you and Jason, I just need to take myself out of this picture”

“What was that song” I pushed him away. “That was about me, wasn’t it”

“I learned to play it and Alex said it was fitting for my voice and I should do something to be remembered by” he said.

I looked at him

He sighed “I guess there was a reason I learned that song if you want to get technical”

“Please don’t leave me” I whispered and put my head down.

He hugged me again.

“You’ll be okay, I promise you’ll be okay” He kissed the top of my head and walked out of the office.

I turned around and faced the door way.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now” I sighed to myself.

Chapter 4

I sat alone in the new city. In a smaller auditorium, I was on stage alone, strumming the chords to the 3 days grace song Daniel had played.

It had been 2 weeks since he left the band and the tour, and most of all me. I hadn’t quite been the same, and everyone was starting to get on my case.

I hadn’t heard a word from Daniel, Jason however had called me almost every day for the last week, though in the last few days I hadn't heard anything from him, I wish I could say I care though, all I could think about was Daniel. I felt bad though. Somehow his absence was creating more of a void than I thought it would.

I stared off blankly and kept strumming. Humming the lyrics here and there, and just thinking.

“Cassie?” – I heard levi’s voice sneak up behind me.

I stopped playing and looked up.

“Hey, Alex asked me to come get you, the bus is going to pull out soon, no one knew where you went” He sat down next to me on stage. “Are you okay?”

I nodded

“You havn’t really spoken to anyone in a while, you don’t seem okay” “he looked concerned.

“Im okay” I lied.

It wasn’t his job to make me feel better, he was younger, I was supposed to be the role model, the responsible one. This band had to move on and so did I.

“If you’re so okay then why are you sitting out here in the dark with your guitar playing that song Daniel played for you before he left?”

I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t respond. I just started strumming again.

“Cassie” he put his hand over the neck of the guitar to stop me.

“Go back to the bus Levi I’ll be there in a min” I sighed.

“CJ why are you still here” he asked.

“The band---“

“Why are you still here” he asked again, leaning in so I couldn’t dodge his eyes.
He picked up my hand with the ring on it “Why” he held it up “None of this means anything to you anymore, the biggest part of you took off and your just sitting here like theres nothing going on”

“What am I supposed to do??”

“Didn’t you always tell me, that you won’t let me hook up with a stupid girl because you wanted me to wait till I found someone I was meant to be with?” He half smiled “And though I hate you for cock blocking me constantly I have to admit I hear you when you say that, I want what you have”

“Jason and I havnt talked in----“

“I don’t want what you and Jason have, I want what you and Daniel have”

“we don’t have anything”

“Not now you don’t because you let him leave! I don’t understand you! You preach all this stuff about waiting for the right person, and you know its not Jason, damn even I know its not Jason!”

“Levi you don’t understand---“

“Oh are you going to use the ‘I’m too young’ excuse? Because that’s crap and you know it”

“Go away”

He stood up and snatched my guitar. “So when you sing all that crap about love, you don’t mean any of it huh, some role model” he walked off.

“Levi! My guitar!” I yelled.

He was gone. On his way back to the bus no doubt. Ugh, I didn’t even want to think about the bus. Another long journey to the next auditorium to play for people who all believed in love, suckers; It’s all fun and games until someone walks out on you. Why is it my responsibility to bring him back? He told me he wouldn’t give up and that’s exactly what he did.

Within 2 minutes I had stood up and headed back to the bus. I wondered down the hallway slowly, pulling my hood up over my head. Just had to keep walking because at the end of all this I was still going home, still going to marry Jason, and whatever Daniel and I had is gone now.

I reached the bus and passed kat, alex and levi without saying a word I went back to my bed and shut the door. I grabbed my laptop and headed to facebook. I knew it wasn’t the best way of contact, but maybe I could find out where he was at least, if he cared, if he missed me, if he had moved on.

Daniel’s facebook page pulled up and his ex girlfriend Kristy was all over it, telling him she was so happy he was home, she hoped to see him soon, and she was so happy they were friends again.

My eyes welled up with tears.

To the right of my screen was a time line on facebook, it showed me a post done by Jason to kat days before. I hadn’t checked facebook in a while so maybe they assumed I wouldn’t check it now. Jason had written kat and asked how I was and why I wasn’t speaking to him. Kat had replied I was broken up over Daniel leaving the band, but she’d be happy to explain anything else to him over the phone. Jason wrote her back and said he would call her soon. There were no more posts and that was days ago.

I could only imagine the crap Kat had filled his head with just to get back at me. I picked up my phone and saw I had no missed calls, no text messages, nothing. That wasn’t like Jason. Come to think of it it had been a few days since I had actually spoken to him? Had I been so knee deep in my Daniel crisis I didn’t notice he was ignoring me? And not the other way around? What did she tell him?

I text Jason

“It’s been a while; I thought I’d c what was going on?”

I put my phone down and lay back on my bed. My heart was anxious; I could just imagine the things she had told Jason.

My phone jingled, it was Jason.

Just a text message

“We will talk when you get home” was all it said.

My heart filled with fear, and that fear turned to rage as I realized everything was Kat’s fault. She had fought over Daniel. She couldn’t have him so she caused him to leave. Now she was interfering with Jason so I was left with no one.

I got off the bed with a rage bubbling over inside of me. I opened the door to the hall and headed for the common room.

I found Kat asleep on the couch, and alex on the other side. Levi was asleep in his bunk and frankly I didn’t care who was around to see what was going to happen next.
I grabbed Kat by her hair and pulled her up to face me.

She screamed in pain and shock from being asleep. She reached for her hair and then realized it was me. She quickly shoved me to the other side of the bus. I fell back on Alex who was talking to his wife on skype.

Screaming ensued

“You couldn’t stand it could you” I yelled as I got off of Alex and stood to my feet facing her.

“What are you talking about?! Cassie?! What’s wrong with you!”

Alex stood up getting between us.

“You couldn’t stand that I had him and you didn’t so you had to call and screw everything up!” I yelled

“Which boy are we talking about here?” kat sneered “Do they even have names anymore? Or do you just call them Thing one and thing two so you don’t confuse yourself, I’ve always wondered how whores do that”

I ran towards her full force, I caught alex off guard and he wasn’t quick enough to grab me. I pushed her back into the couch and began hitting her with everything I had.
I got a few shots to her face before Alex pulled me off of her. I stood up to see I had given her a bloody nose. ‘that will do for now’ I thought to myself. I was proud I had at least done that, she was taller and no doubt stronger, but I caught her off guard so I got my shots in before she could react. This had been building for so long; I just don’t know what took me so long to clock her.

Levi stumbled into the common room as Alex pushed me to the opposite couch and stood between us.

“Whoa. What happened!?” Levi asked looking at Kat, now dripping blood.

“That Bitch hit me!” Kat screamed.

“You couldn’t just leave them alone!” I screamed, “You couldn’t have either of them so you took them both away from me!” I got up.

Alex pushed me back down.

Kat got up and levi pushed her back to the couch.

“Neither one of you are leaving this room!” Alex yelled at both of us.

“I didn’t take either of them!” Kat yelled at me.

“Oh so Jason doesn’t speak to me for days as a fluke? I’m not stupid!” I yelled

“You ignored Jason! He asked me why!”

“And what did you tell him! Everything?!’

Alex looked at me “what exactly was there to tell Cassie?” He crossed his arms.

I didn’t say anything

“Why don’t you just tell him Cassie, at least we’d all know the truth “

“How far are you going to go kat? If you get Daniel are you going to tell him you slept with Jason while I was with him? And if you get Jason are you going to tell him that you fought me tooth and nail for my best friend!?” I screamed.

“By the time I get either of them they wont want anything to do with you, your seeing to that yourself!” She yelled back

“Someone tell me what the hell is going on here before this whole tour is cancelled right now” Alex yelled

Levi interrupted “They’re both fighting over Daniel, and its kind of stupid because Daniel left to stop this mess, but neither of you care about this band, this is some sort of girl battle, and I get to be caught in the cross fires! Did either of you stop to think that maybe I need this band? This is my big shot!? I didn’t learn to play drums for kicks! I wanted to make something of myself! And you guys are just throwing this whole thing away!” He screamed and slammed the door to the hallway.

All 3 of us fell silent for a moment.

“I quit” I said.

“You what?” Alex looked at me. “You own this band you cant quit”

“then its over”

“did you not just hear Levi?” He snapped “Your ruining that kids chances because you two are fighting over a guy that hasn’t called either one of you since he took off, am I right?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore alex, im not in it”

“Why?, because you got your heart broken? Or because your only with Jason because you don’t want kat to have him? Or because your in love with your best friend who took off on you?, you guys act like I don’t know jack shit but you’ll be surprised what I’ve picked up on”

He looked at Kat

“You’re the reason Daniel left, he couldn’t handle the pressure you were putting on Cassie, he wanted her to have this dream, because he’s in love with her, He’s never cared anything for you but you can’t see that past your pride because you didn’t want cassie to have the one thing you’ve wanted, or was that Jason? I can’t tell with you anymore because you flip flop back and forth so much”

"You know whats the worst part of this whole situation? Is that I actually know any of this shit! Or have to deal with any of this! This is a band! My number one rule was no one dates inside the band! but no one listened to me and look at the mess we are in now ladies!? Congratulations! Maybe next time someone will listen to me!"

He let the silence hit us in the face like a ton of bricks. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. I knew he was frustrated.

Kat and I both looked down at the floor. I felt like a 4 year old.

he finally spoke again.

“I’m going to fix this problem right now, this tour is over, we are all going home, we are going to take a break and separate from each other. As your manager I will call you in a month to see where this band stands. Daniel included. We need him on this band, quite frankly I’m tired of refereeing everything, and I miss my wife and she’s going to have the baby any day now so I’m going home to have a normal life, I suggest the two of you do the same thing. And if in a month we can all get over our issues we will try this again”

He sighed and walked to the front of the bus where the driver is.

The room was silent for a few moments. I looked at kat, who was looking at me.

“That’s it then” she said.

“Maybe we all need some time apart” I replied and walked to the room to pack my stuff.

Something needed to change because as it stood, my life was a wreck.

Chapter 5

My alarm went off and I crawled out of bed. 8 Am, I had to stop getting up so early. It had been 2 weeks since I had been home; I’d barley spoken to anyone, and Jason had been out of town so I hadn’t even seen him.

The band separated and I thought I would feel relief because I felt like my heart wasn’t in it anymore but all I felt was depression and sadness to have something I loved so much end like that.

I wondered into the closet, and emerged with my yoga pants and a tank. Grabbed my tennis shoes and headed out for my run. It wasn’t something I was fond of doing but something that often helped me clear my head and straighten things out.
I had only been in my apartment for 2 weeks but I already missed my bus terribly. I missed the smell of fast food everywhere and listening to levi play drums on everything he could find with his sticks. I missed Daniel writing and humming to himself constantly, and Kat spending hours in the bathroom putting on too much make up. I know we were all in a horrible fight but they were my family and I felt like I needed to change this situation I just wasn’t sure how.

Three days grace was playing on my ipod as I ran; it was that same song Daniel had played on his last day with us. I admit I was slightly addicted to that song before he played it but now it was on repeat daily. I began to have memories flash back of Daniel telling me I carried this band, and I’m the reason he stuck around for so long. Maybe that was the problem, I wasn’t worth it to anyone anymore? And not in a self pity kind of way, but maybe everyone needed more of a part in this band than I had given them?

I made it back up to my town house doorstep and stopped for a breath. There were a dozen roses laying at the door and no one in sight.

I picked them up and took them into the house searching for a card inside, but nothing. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of Daniel sending them as a means to break the ice. Maybe he was ready to talk to me now, since he had dodged my phone calls and texts for weeks.

I laid them down on the counter and my phone buzzed. It was Jason.

“Good morning” he greeted me “Did you get my flowers?”

My heart sank a little. They weren’t from Daniel.

“Oh yea, they’re so pretty” I replied covering my emotions.

“Well I thought maybe we could have lunch?” he asked.

“Are you coming home early?” I asked walking around my house picking things up. It was only moments I was bored in my house that I realized I was quite messy.

“Actually I’m home right now” – I heard his voice, but not through the phone.

I turned around and he was standing in my bedroom doorway.

My emotions were more surprised, but I wouldn’t qualify them as good. I felt bad not giving him the initial response to his arrival that I’m sure he expected so I quickly changed my tone, smiled and embraced him.

“So lunch?” he kissed my cheek.

“Yes that sounds great actually, let me jump in the shower and get changed” I said pulling away from him.

He held onto my arm and kissed me more, “let me come with you” he smiled. “We haven’t been together in a while I’ve missed you”

I pulled away and walked into the bed room “Tonight I promise, right now I just really need a shower” I grabbed some clothes out of my drawer and shut my bathroom door.

I stood there a moment, sighing. I knew this was falling apart. I wasn’t drawn to Jason like I used to be. This wasn’t the same as it was, I didn’t know if he felt it but I didn’t know how to end this without hurting him. I looked down at my hand; I hadn’t even bothered to put my ring on to go running. Most people wouldn’t find that weird, I’m sure, but if your newly engaged why wouldn’t you wear it every chance you got?

I jumped in the shower and rinsed off. Getting out I quickly put my clothes on and threw my hair under my dryer. I applied my makeup and when I was finished I reached for the door handle of the bathroom and stayed still. I closed my eyes and silently wished that on the other side of the door Daniel would be standing there waiting to greet me. I opened my eyes, Opened the door and Jason sat on my bed watching T.V.

I knew it wasn’t right that I wished for Daniel to be here, I knew it wouldn’t change my relationship with Jason, I was going to have to change that at some point myself but for right at this moment, I just needed to see Daniel, and I knew that was too much to ask.
Jason and I went out to lunch; as I approached the table I saw Levi and Alex, then Kat, and as the table came into full view I saw Daniel. His blue eyes sparkled as he looked up at me, a half smile that held so much behind it I just wasn’t sure what yet.

“Um Hi?” I said as we reached the table.

Alex stood up and hugged me “Hey, I called Jason and asked to arrange this, I thought we could have a band meeting”

“Band meeting?” I asked looking over at Daniel. “Did I miss something?”

“Well, we’ve discussed it and we want to try this again” Kat said getting up to hug me too.

Levi hugged me and lead me to the other side of Daniel to sit down.

Jason stood at the end of the table, when alex welcomed him to sit down he declined and said he’d be back to rescue me in an hour.

“Why didn’t you just call me alex?” I asked

“Well, you’ve been kind of hard to reach lately” Levi chimed in, “you haven’t been answering your phone at all”

“Well I thought we were taking a sabbatical?” I questioned.

“Well, I’ve talked to everyone and they all want to try this again, if you’re willing to Cass but you’re the lead so you’re the final decision” Alex looked at me.

“Well, actually I’ve been thinking and I don’t want to be the lead anymore” I looked at Daniel, “I think it would do us all some good if we heard you more” I said

“Wait---So does that mean you’re in?” Levi sat up in his chair and leaned over the table towards me.

I smiled “If we can make changes yes”

Alex spoke up “I think a change in lead is an excellent idea”

“What if I don’t want to be lead” Daniel finally spoke.

I sighed “You’ve already established you can do it, and I’ve never heard the crowd be more enthusiastic towards you than the night you left” I said.

“I thought we were going to pursue other things Alex, it’s not a good idea that we jump right back into this”

Kat sighed from across the table “Look, I’m sorry for all the bad blood between me and Cassie, it was my fault, it’s not her fault, we can go back to this, and I’m okay with everything”

“I don’t think I’m ready to do this again right now” Daniel looked at Alex “Maybe later, but not right now”

Alex looked at me “and you?”

“This isn’t a one woman show, we either all do it or none of us do it” I said.

Levi groaned “there goes my life up in smoke again, thanks guys”

Daniel held his hands up “Why don’t we take the next few months and work on new stuff, I don’t want to do another tour for a while”

Alex nodded “Yes absolutely, we can take time away from touring, that’s no problem”

“I’m sure you’d rather spend time with the new baby huh?” Kat asked with a smile “how is she?”

“She’s great, we named her Madyln” he said and started pulling out pictures.

I looked at Daniel and he glanced over at me, I still couldn’t read him, if he was mad or happy to see me, he wasn’t showing any emotions to me at all.

Levi held up his hands “Ok before we get off track with the baby pictures, are we all in agreement that we are continuing this band?”

We all nodded.

Alex “Okay, I’ll come back to you guys with some tour dates for probably 6 months to a year from now, does that sound fair?”

We all nodded.

“in the mean time I expect you 4 to be on top of this, new music, if we are changing lead, change the lead, etc okay?” he smiled “I’m really glad we aren’t ending this, this band means a lot to me too”

We all talked for a moment, and then Alex and Kat left. Levi spotted Jason on his way back into the restaurant and he motioned for Daniel to get up.

Daniel stood up and I put my hand on his arm “Can we talk later?” I asked in a whisper tone.

He nodded and pointed to my phone lying on the table, he greeted Jason as he walked up and he and Levi walked out.

I picked up my phone the text message read:

I would like to talk to you alone, if you can come to my apartment later I need to sort some stuff out, and I think I have a new song I want to try out on you

Jason sat down as I hit the reply button and wrote “yes” I clicked send and closed my phone so Jason couldn’t see anything.

I turned my attention to him and thanked him for organizing this lunch, and we began to talk about the bands new plans and my feelings for a new direction.


When we made it back to my apartment, Jason was frisky with me right through the door, and I wasn't in the mood. My mind was elsewhere and I didn't know how to stop him.

before I knew what was going on he had brought me into the bedroom and pinned me down to the bed. he was kissing me and pulling my clothes off faster than I had ever seen him do before.
I was becoming nervous, and uncomfortable with the amount of aggression he was using.

"Jase" I whispered "let me up"

He wasn't listening to me.

"Jason" I snapped "let me up your hurting me!"

He stopped and looked at me.

He lifted his body off of mine and stood up. His jeans were still on but unbuttoned. I was left in my bra and jeans also unbuttoned, and he looked absolutely furious.

He didnt say anything, he grabbed his shirt off the floor and started walking to the living room, I chased him trying to put my shirt back on as I did.

"Where are you going?? " I yelled

he turned around, "What is going on Cass, Can you please tell me? Because I feel like you'd rather be anywhere else but with me, and its not just today, its every day since I gave you that damn ring!, Like that ring just ruined everything" he said and threw his shirt to the floor.

I stood there silent. I couldn't tell him what I was really thinking, but I couldn't watch him suffer anymore.

"I dont know" I finally spoke "I dont know what happened"

He looked at me, tears filling his eyes "I lost you didn't I"

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Jason I --Something--"

"Just tell me, please... I don't want to play this game anymore" he sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

I heard a vibration from the dresser just inside my bed room door where I stood, I turned around and spotted his phone. Kats picture popped up. She was calling him.

I picked it up. "Why are you talking to Kat" I asked.

He froze.

I clicked decline on her call, and clicked into his text messages.

I saw him get up through the corner of my eye and I backed up into the bed room and locked the door before he could reach me.

"Cassie!" He yelled and pounded on the door "Give me my phone back now!"

I rolled through the text messages, 3 thousand text messages, dating to back before the tour even started.

Jason pounded on the door, yelling at me, and cursing.

Words like "baby" popped up from Kat, and then sexy photos popped up. Her in lingerie' and I recognized the bed she was laying on. It was mine from the bus. I read his replies to her photos, words he should of have written, and sexual text messages sent back and forth between them for weeks while we were on tour.

I kept scrolling despite his screams.

I found a text messages dated 2 days ago that stopped me completely "I'm not sorry for what we did last night, I'm only sorry I'm engaged and not being faithful to either one of you, I cant keep doing this I need to see where Cass and I stand and maybe I can figure things out after that"

Kat replied to him "She's in love with Daniel, don't you understand? She never wanted you, she was only trying to take you away from me"

"She's not in love with Daniel" his text protested.

"Your in denial!" She responded.

I closed the phone, I already saw more than enough to tell me what I needed to do next.

Jason had stopped beating on the door, It was silent in the living room now, and I wasn't sure where he was or what he was doing.

I pulled some of his things that were randomly scattered around my room, I opened the door and saw him standing in the middle of the living room. I walked past him and threw all of his stuff out my front door.

"What are you doing!?" He yelled

"You want this back!?" I held his phone up and held the door open "Fetch!" I threw it outside, and it bounced off the side walk and landed in my driveway and busted apart.

"What the Hell are you doing!!?" He yelled again and started towards me

"Get out of my house!" I yelled back "I can't believe you slept with Kat, and then Lied to me! I cant believe you were going to sleep with me just now! as if this crap means nothing to do you!" I took my ring off and held it out for him "Get the hell out I never want to see you again"

"Cassie let me exlain ---"

"Your phone did that for you, Get out"

"Cassie it isnt like that! That was a while ago!"

"Your Phone was dated 2 days ago!? And now you cant even lie right!" I yelled "Get out!"

He looked angry, He looked confused, he looked almost heart broken, but he walked past me grabbing his things off my porch as he reached his car.

I slammed my door shut and locked it.

part of me was angry, and hurt, and the other part was relieved that in the end the failure of this relationship wasn't my fault-- well not exactly.

Chapter 6

I spent that evening cleaning Jason's things out of my room completely, anything that reminded me of him, gone. I needed closure and I needed it now. Hours had passed and I forgot all about meeting Daniel that night, and I hadn't checked my phone in hours, I'd been way to focused on this Jason situation.

A knock at my door pulled me out of my anger for a moment, and I pushed boxes out of my way to reach my door.

Daniel stood in front of me as I opened it. Ripped jeans, Navy colored hoodie,and his hands in his pockets.

"Daniel?"

"Hey, Uhh... I wasn't sure if you were okay, you werent answering your phone and you never showed up earlier?"

I stood there a moment, wondering if he knew anything that had gone on in the last few hours. He didn't appear to, but then again it had been hard to read him lately.

Tears started filling my eyes as I remembered the last time I stood at this door hours ago I was kicking my fiance out of my life.

"Why are you crying? Cass? Whats wrong?" he asked stepping forward to grab me.

I leaned into his chest as he embraced me and I started blubbering things that were mostly incoherent. I wasn't sure if he was picking up any of it and at that moment I didn't care, it was the first moment all day I had let myself think about it and I was having a melt down. I didn't quite realize I would miss Jason as much as I did. We were together for a couple years, he did mean a lot to me, and I couldn't believe Kat would betray me like that, and then Lie to my face all tour.

Daniel had me sit on the couch next to him and he consoled me the best he knew how. I blubbered for what seemed like an eternity and he remained quiet trying to calm me down.

In the midst of my tear filled freak out I had ended up falling asleep on his lap, which I didn't realize until it was well into 3 am and I woke myself up out of no where.

I slowly stood up, careful not to wake him when I moved. He was defiantly asleep. I stood in front of the couch watching him sleep. I felt like a stalker for a moment but I had never really been alone with him for any significant amount of time so I was determined to enjoy it while I could.
I wiped the mascara off my face and wondered into my bed room to find my PJ's. I decided I'd sleep in my own bed and let him have the couch.

I went into the bathroom to try and clean my face off, all that make up was running all over the place. when I emerged I spotted my phone on the floor by the door.

36 missed items on my phone. Text messages, Calls Voice mails. I guess I had really been Awol and Didn't realize it.

I clicked through it as I climbed into bed most were from Jason. Begging for forgiveness, asking to talk. Some were from Daniel asking if I was okay, again and again and again. But there was one that caught my attention as I scrolled. It was from Kat. Though I didn't care to hear from her, I decided to look at the text message anyway.


'I heard what happened, you never deserved him anyway, I'm surprised it took him this long to leave you, if this ends the band for me that's fine, at least i'll have the guy that you couldn't keep'

I cocked my head for a moment. What was she talking about? Does she think Jason dumped me? That's a riot!

I set my phone down next to me and laid back on the bed covering up in my down comforter. I missed this bed when I was gone, it was one of the only things I thought about. My queen sized down comforter, my go to, when things got rough. It was silly but it was my security blanket. I hadn't even let Jason sleep with this comforter. When we would stay with me I would change comforters, it was too important to me.

I closed my eyes and heard movement.

When I opened them Daniel stood at the door and leaned in. "You left me all alone out here" he snickered.

"I'm sorry I figured i'd let you sleep I wasted enough of your time"

It was dark and I could make out only the outline of his face from the moonlight shinning through the window just behind him in the living room.

"You didnt waste my time, Have you calmed down any?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm okay, I'm sorry You don't have to stay here---"

"Trying to get rid of me?" he asked.

"No of course not"

He walked towards the bed and stopped. He glanced down and could see the white comforter, it seemed to some what glow in the dark. Another fun feature of it.

"The sacred blanket" he held his hands up

I smiled, but I assumed he couldn't see my face.

"I guess i'll head home, Im just glad your okay, call me if you need anything okay Cass?"

"Yes, I will"

He turned around to walk out,

"Daniel" I called for him.

"Yes?"

"Stay with me?" I asked.

He turned back around "In the living room?"

"No, here, stay with me here"

He started walking towards the bed. "Do you need to change the blanket first?"

"no" I said, and grabbed his hand when he was close enough to coax him on to the bed.

He climbed into bed and laid down next to me. After a few moments of silence he asked me "Has anyone ever laid on this comforter but you? I know you have issues with it"

"I dont honestly remember telling you about my issue with it, but no... to answer your question they havn't"

"Jason?"

"I guess I never trust him enough"

"You were going to marry him"

"I dont remember why"

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I don't really want anyone else involved, this is already sticky enough" I sighed.


Daniel and I laid there and talked till I saw the sun come up. We finally fell asleep sometime around 6 am.

I finally woke up and heard yelling from the living room. My door was shut and when I looked over Daniel wasn't in bed anymore. I glanced at my alarm clock it was 10 am.

I rolled out of bed and grabbed my hoodie off the end of my bed. I wondered out forgetting I was wearing my lace panties and no other pants.

I looked up to see Daniel and Kat in the living room yelling at each other.

Confused.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still groggy. That sunlight seemed to be so much brighter than it usually is. Was I hung over or something?

"Oh what did you do, sleep with him the first night your single you slut!" Kat yelled.

I noticed Daniel wasn't wearing a shirt. and I looked down to notice my own attire. Well this looks bad.

"Get out of here Kat I'm not going to as you again!" Daniel yelled.

"Whats going on?"

Kat started towards me, pushing Daniel out of the way, she clobbered, me I hit the ground.. And everything went black.

Chapter 7

I stood on stage, lights all around me. The crowd in front of me lit up randomly from the flash bulbs. I heard the music kick in and I felt my lips start to move, I felt like I was in a dream of some sort, but I kept going regardless. I missed the stage, I missed the screaming fans I knew this is where I needed to be.

The bass kicked in, the drums hit their mark and I was belting out a song I didn't even remember writing. I could see myself, I was suddenly above the stage and I looked down to see Kat had taken my place, and Jason stood next to her proposing. The crowd was eating this up, where did she come from? I hadn't even seen her a moment ago? I looked around for Daniel and felt myself run down massive hallways. I ran for a long time, I looked through every door and found no sign of Daniel. I finally reached the back door and was surrounded by fans, when I dug my way through the crowd I found Daniel getting on the bus with a blonde girl. The door slammed shut and was sealed. I yanked, and pulled, and screamed, but the door wouldn't open, the fans swarmed me and the bus took off...


I heard myself gasp as I sat up and looked around to figure out where I was.

"Cassie,.. Oh my god Cassie" I heard a male voice.

The room was dark and I didnt know where I was,

The figure grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my hand over and over, "Oh my god cassie I'm so sorry I didnt know she was going to do that, I don't know ---- Oh god I'm so sorry"

I jerked my hand back "Where am I" I snapped.

A lamp in the corner clicked on, I was in the hospital and Jason was the one speaking to me right now.

"What are you doing here Jason?" I felt myself to figure out which part of me was broken.

"what do you mean what am I doing here? Kat almost killed you, I came as soon as I heard, Cassie I still love you I know we can fix this---"

"Where's Daniel" I asked. The last thing I remember was standing in my living room, "How did I get here, What did she do to me?" I felt my face, I had a bandage on my right eye, and I felt numb in most parts of my body.

"Daniel isnt here, why does it matter? I"m the one whos here" He was next to the bed leaning over me to make sure I saw him.

"Go Home Jason" I snapped.

"Cassie!"

"GO HOME JASON!" I yelled.

He stepped back and ran his hands through his hair "Why can't you just let this go? Why can't we get past this? Your just going to let this go? All this stuff we've been through?"

"Does THIS look like something I'm wanting to hold onto??" I pointed to my face. "I"m still a little foggy on what happened, I'm guessing thats because she knocked me out huh? And where were you while your girlfriend was smashing my face into the ground" I snapped at him and pushed my nurse call button once I found it on my bed.

"Cassie I wasn't there I didn't know she was going to be there, I didnt even talk to her!"

"Is that why she sent me a text that said you dumped me and she was happy?... Someone better get their story straight Jason, because I already know what happened I don't really need any more lies from you"

My nurse walked in, I looked over it was 1:20 am, I wasn't sure how they had let Jason stay this long, and then I realized I was wearing my ring again.

"Did you need something Honey?" She came in and stood by the bed.

"Please get him out of here" I pointed at Jason.

He opened his hands in anger "Are you kidding me?"

"Your fiance is only here to help you, you've been through a lot today"

"He's not my fiance" I took the ring off and threw it at him.

She looked confused.

"We Broke up!" I yelled at him.

"Cassie!"

"GO AWAY!" I screamed.


The nurse shooed him out telling him she would call security on him because her first priority was to see that I was taken care of.

Jason found the ring on the floor and walked himself out, He looked on the verge of tears but I was so angry with him I couldn't care less.

The nurse turned back to me when he had left "Is there anything else you need honey? You should really get some sleep"

"Wheres my cell phone" I asked trying to get up.

"No No..." she pushed me back down. "I'll find it, you stay there, you really need to stay lying down"

She walked around the room searching through various things and finally located it, she turned it on and handed it to me "I'll be right back with some pain meds, you'll calm down after that,... Rest is the best thing for you okay?"

She walked out and I started scrolling through missed calls and text messages. Nothing from Daniel, just from my family, my mom had just heard apparently and had been calling to ask what hospital I was in. I guess Alex hadn't been able to get info to anyone. Did Alex even know? Maybe Levi Didn't know either? Where was Daniel!?

I hit dial out, and I heard the phone start ringing on the other end. No answer, I hit redial... No answer... I hit redial again.. No answer. One more time, and the phone cut off and went straight to voice mail.


"Daniel?... Where are you? What happened why aren't you answering me? Please call me back"

I hung the phone up and the nurse had just walked back in with a needle full of pain killers I saw her push it into my IV and things faded to black....

Chapter 8

I stood up on stage and the lights went down in the crowd and came up around me. Levi on drums behind me and my guitar in my hands. I had a new bass player, Ally, and there was an empty space to my right where Daniel should of been standing.

The crowd cheered as the first chords were played, and my heart skipped a beat as I opened my mouth to begin the song. My mind flashed back to months ago when I didn't think this was possible again.

It had been 5 months since my accident and the only thing I heard from Daniel was that we were better off apart and he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. He never told me why he never came to the hospital, and I could only imagine where Kat was now. We hadn't seen or heard from her since my accident. It seemed like so long ago now. Alex had Levi and I force ahead with a new look where I was the center of the stage, and there was no band logo now. I had officially stepped out solo. Levi didn't care he was just happy to be playing gigs again, and I felt it was best to get out of town after everything went down.

We had been on tour for 2 weeks now, and Ally and I seemed to click fairly well, I noticed a little romance between her and Levi which I encouraged as long as It was kept off stage. Alex of course didn't know about this either, it was our secret, who was I to judge? Just because mine fell apart. He's 21 he deserves happiness.

The set wrapped and the crowd cheered, I felt energy bouncing off them and straight Into me, I knew this is where I needed to be I just wished it had been like it was a few years ago when everything first started... Back when Daniel and I were just forming our sound.

I went back stage and grabbed a water. I could still hear the crowd cheering, Levi came up behind me and made a fake crowd noise... "You hear that?? All that?? Its for you!" he smiled really big, "I'm so proud of you, this is so awesome, they love you!" He hugged me. Ally walked by me "That was fantastic! You coming to the signing?" she asked as she kept walking.

I grabbed a hair tie out of my pocket and started after her tying my hair up in a pony tale. "Yeah of course"

Alex came towards me as I walked down the hallway "Hey, Can we catch up a sec?" He called to Ally to let Levi know we'd just be a min... she bounced off down the hallway. I knew they were just excited to have a min where Alex wasn't watching them make out. I smiled to myself.

"Hey whats up?" I asked as he put on his serious face.

"So, I got an interesting call today" He said pacing. "I dont know how you'll feel about it"

"Yes?"

"Actually your music has reached all the way to Australia and their asking if you would like to tour there" His face changed from serious to very happy.

"Oh my god are you serious!? that's so great!" I cheered for myself and bounced around "AUSTRALIA!!!??? I've always wanted to go there!"

He laughed "I know, I couldn't wait to tell you, they called me this morning!"

We hugged. "there's just a small small teeny tiny problem---"

"What?"

"I can't go with you"

"Alex!"

"I'm sorry! the new baby and all, all this touring is really taking a tole on my wife"

I sighed, "yeah there's been a lot of skyping late at night I've noticed"

He sighed "She's not mad, we're not fighting, she's just stressed"

"I know Alex, this isn't your problem, I just don't want to go without you. No one else knows me that well"

he held up his hand "That's not true"

"Come again?"

"There is someone who is free as a bird, and if I pulled some strings I would be able to get him to come with you, he knows you very well and frankly I dont know why he's not doing my job already"

"Who---who are you talking about"

Please don't say Jason,... Please don't say Jason... Please don't say Jason..


"Daniel"

As the words left his lips my heart skipped beats. Just hearing his name was enough to send me into a different world now. My heart ached for him and I could still smell his cologne at night on the shirt I had stole from him the night he slept in my room months ago.

"I know its a long shot but if I talk to him I think I can get him to do it I just dont know where you two stand?"

"Do you know where he is?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound too interested.

"Yes, Right now he's in Nashville recording his demo"

"His demo?" -"wait, You know where he is and you never told me?"

"Well, Cass you've been doing so well,... that's why Im still not sure about bringing him to replace me... you already seem like your wheels are turning"

"No..no no, Uhh I was just surprised that's all, I guess call him, what can it hurt?"

I said as nonchalant as I could muster.

"He will be your manager if he accepts, you know that right"

"Yes I know"

He gave me his "Behave,--fatherly" look.

"I know Alex, I know.... Just let me know what he says" I said and wondered off to the signing that was probably late due to me.


I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen next, this whole thing seemed so bizarre. Why hadn't Daniel bothered telling me he was solo? Why didn't he contact me at all? We had been best friends back in the day. I just wanted my best friend back. I just needed him back, even if I couldn't have him the way I craved. Just having him around at all would be worth it... I just don't think he would do it. And I couldn't blame him, I had screwed things up pretty bad, with Jason, Kat and Him. It was a huge mess that I hadn't bothered to clean I just bailed. I hadn't even heard from Jason since I left. That last day at the hospital was the last time I saw him. I knew it was better that way but I still hoped he was okay... Maybe this Daniel thing wasn't a good idea, maybe it would just complicate things more, but I knew if I didn't see him I would go insane now that I knew where he was. There's no way he didn't think about me, or miss me.

I finally made it back to the bus, I walked past Ally and Levi flirting around on the couch and I walked back towards my bed. I laid down with my old school giant headphones on and with my hands up over my arms I closed my eyes and breathed in the music... Silently praying Daniel would say yes....

Chapter 9

Days went by and we were in a whirl wind of concerts. I was on stage every night and off stage just long enough to grab some sleep and then back on stage again. Levi and ally seemed thrilled, they were younger and seemed to have a lot more energy than I could ever hope to have, but they kept me going with all of their hype. They were sickeningly cute when they flirted around and it made me ache for Daniel. I had waited for days to hear a word from Alex about switching roles with Daniel, I finally decided I needed to know now before my head and my heart exploded.

Levi and Ally were asleep in the back of the bus, I was awake on my computer, Alex was on the opposite couch on his computer talking to his wife. I waited patiently for them to say their goodbyes, and Alex started tearing up when she put the baby on skype to let him see her asleep. I felt bad, I knew he needed to go home, so maybe if I pushed that angle I could appear more eager to see him home with his baby than to see daniel? Maybe?

Alex shut his computer down and put it to the side of him. He wiped his eyes off in a very "I have something in my eye, because I'm a guy" kind of way and finally looked at me already staring at him.

"Can I help you?" he smiled.

"Are you going to keep me in suspense for much longer because I have to tell you, its really hard not to talk about this"

He cocked his head "What exactly are you talking about?"

"Seriously!?"

I got up and came to his side of the couch. I sat next to him put my hands on either side of his face and point blank asked

"Is Daniel coming to Aus or not?"

Pfft way to be sublte cassie *Smacks forehead*

Alex put his hands on my face... We defiantly looked retarded for a moment. "Yes"

I jumped up... "really!?!!"

Alex shook his head and stood up in front of me "The way your reacting to this is not helping me relax about all of this"

"I'll behave I swear! I just ---It'll just be nice, He helps me write my music and --"

"Cassie seriously, I've known you since you were young, lets not lie to each other here-"

I sat down on the other couch. "Ok, so maybe i'll just be happy to see him"

"Maybe, you should be happy you have a new manager and leave everything else at the door"

I sighed.

"I'm not telling you this because I dont want to see you happy, or I dont think you guys are perfect together because quite frankly I cant think of anyone else better suited to handle your craziness than Daniel, but he's not coming here to make it work between you two. He's coming here to manage your band, and make sure you have a great career, so much so that he's willing to put his on hold"


"I know alex,---"

"Seriously Cass, Treat him like you do me... because thats the only way your going to be able to do this" He grabbed his computer off the couch and headed to the back to sleep.

"Fun sucker " I mumbled to myself with a slight smile on my face.

Should I take alex' advice and leave well enough alone? - Oh Yes, Absolutely!. Will I? Probably not...


I headed to the back to get some sleep.... Way too much to think about now.

Chapter 10

3 years earlier....


My first semester at college, it was crazy to think I had actually graduated high school and was actually going to a college. My grades had always sucked because I dedicated myself to my guitar and Daniel and I were trying to start our own band. In the mean time we felt like we needed to do something with ourselves while we tried to get things off the ground.

We lived across campus from each other, I moved in with a girl named Kat and we hit it off really well in the beginning. Daniel was over frequently and kat hit on him frequently, for some reason he never seemed interested in her, which she would question me about constantly as If I paid attention to his love life to begin with.

First semester Finals rolled around and I was held up in my room trying to cram all the information into my head at once. I was a horrible procrastinator and it showed at the end of every semester. A knock on the door and daniel emerged with 2 large coffee's and extra highlighters, and note pads. My saving grace.

Kat was out on a date this evening, it was just Daniel and I in the dorm room. After helping me cram for about 2 hours I got blocked and frustrated and threw a book across the room.

"Cass, seriously its not that big of a deal" he stood up to go get the book on the floor.

"says you!, You can study for 2 mins before class and ace it! I can study the entire semester and still fail" I buried my head in my hands.

He put the book down on the coffee table and sat next to me on the floor. he pulled my hands away from my face and held them.

"You know we'll hit it big with our band anyway you wont need this crap" he laughed.

I half smiled "And if we don't?"

"Oh we will... because frankly I can't see you doing anything else with your life anyway"

I sighed

"Just relax, step outside yourself for a second.. lets forget this crap and do something else for a min" He pushed the books off the coffee table and looked at me.

"Like What?"

"I dont know, i've barley seen you all semester how's life?" he asked..

"uhh.. Its okay?"

"Are you and kat getting along?"

"Yeah she's fine, she seems to like you a lot though" I snickered.

He rolled his eyes.

"You know she does, I don't know why you don't just go out with her she's really pretty" I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. It was a hot mess tonight, and so was I frankly. Finals brought out the frumpy in me.

"I don't want to go out with someone I don't like" he smiled "Besides, she's not as pretty as other girls I know"

"Like who"

he eyed me.

"If you say me I'll gag" I pushed myself up off the floor and headed into the kitchen.

He followed.

"Why does a compliment from me make you gag"

"Because,... Its you fishing"

"I'm not fishing, cant I just say what I'm thinking?"

I turned around when I reached the sink to put some dishes away. He was directly in front of me now. So close I could feel his breath on my neck.

"What if I dont want to know what your thinking" - I put my hand up on his chest.

"Why do you always push me away" he stepped back.

"We've been friends for years daniel I just don't want to push ---"

"Push us into something we're not ready for" he finished my sentence and rolled his eyes. "You give me the same speech every time"

"Yea and some day you'll take the hint" I brushed passed him and headed back to the living room.

He came up behind me and stopped me in my tracks. He wrapped his hands around my waist and brought my hair to one side of my neck. He placed his lips on the other side and kissed softly.

My ability to push him away was none existent.

Just as I felt like this would be the moment I would just give in, I heard the door knob turn and my instinct was to run.

Kat walked in just as I bolted to the other side of the room as daniel and he looked befuddled

"Hey Guys" she smiled and behind her was her date who'm I'd only met once or twice before now. Jason, Sweet guy he seemed to really like Kat and I was happy for them.

I suspect I could of been happy too if Kat hadn't walked in just now.


Daniel grabbed his book bag and told me goodnight. He walked passed Jason and kat and shut the door behind him. He was hurt, Once again I was the cause of his pain, I don't know why I couldn't just give in. It just wasn't that simple for me.


"Did I interrupt something?" Kat asked as she walked towards me.

"No, we were just studying." I took my place back on the living room floor and picked up my books to resume cramming.

Kat excused herself to her bed room, said she was changing clothes to go back out. Jason took a seat on the couch next to me to wait.

"So Kat tells me your really good at guitar and you write your own music" He said, trying to make conversation.

"Yea, Daniel and I do," I mumbled.

"Was that who that was?"

"Yeah"

"Are you two together?"

"No,"

"Oh, Cuz he looked a little upset?"

"Well arent you nosey tonight" I got up and grabbed my books

"Hey, I was just making conversation"

"I don't really feel like being social"

"Excuse me"

I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Finals are killing me, I hope you and kat have a good night" I walked back into my room and slammed the door.


Days turned into Weeks, and School was out for the summer. I was so relieved. Kat took off to FL with her parents, and Apparently didn't inform Jason because he was calling the apartment every day looking for her. Daniel hadn't shown up or called since the awkward moment the last time he was over here. I spent my days with my guitar and my Pjs, doing cardio in my living room and supplementing my irritation with writing music and signing to myself as I cleaned my apartment.

I cleaned the whole apartment but hadn't made it into Kat's room yet, but I figured why not finish the whole house.

I wondered into her room one saturday night and started cleaning things up off her floor. Realizing too late that I had stumbled into a sex house. Phone numbers, Condom wrappers, her lingerie everywhere, what exactly was this? The playboy house?! This was too much for me, I turned around and headed back out of her room when I stopped at the door and spotted Daniel's jacket by the door. I remembered it because I often stole it from him on late study nights when I got cold. I picked it up and headed into the living room, really curious as to what his hoodie was doing on her bed room floor. I laid it on the couch and a knock at the door kept me from examining it further.

Jason walked in after a few knocks.

"Hey sorry cassie, I've been trying to get a hold of Kat, she's not answering her phone"

"She's in Fl" I blurted.

"She said she'd be back by now?" he asked.

"did she? Because she's not planning on coming home until the end of the month" I said as I wondered into the kitchen to make some coffee..

"Do you want a cup?" I asked holding up the coffee cup.

He nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

"so she didn't tell you what day she was coming home huh? thats not surprising, you should see her bed room" I half laughed.

"Her bed room?"

"Yeah its like a sex shrine in there" I blurted "Woops--" I cut myself off. "I'm sorry I didnt--"

He held up his hand "We're not exclusive, its fine"

"Well isn't that just awesome for her" I shook my head.

"So why are you alone on a Saturday night?" He asked and sat down at the table.

"I don't know, something peaceful about campus while no one else is here, I can clean and do what I want"

"Like write music?" He said picking up papers off the table and reading them. "These are really good"

I ran over and snatched them from his hands "Oh God those aren't even real---I mean, their not finished---Their crap"

"Their not either" he snatched them back "You should put them to music"

I Snatched them back and headed for the trash can.

Before I made it, Jason's arms were around me and he wrestled me to the floor.

He pinned me down. He snatched the papers back and sat on top of me reading them out loud while he laughed at me trying to get up and screaming at him.

"seriously Cassie why don't you do something with these?"

"Why don't you get off me you weigh a ton!" I shouted.

"I'll get up on one condition" He looked down at me, I never noticed how pretty his eyes were. his hair fell in front of his face, his arms had tattoos and I could see he had a nice chest through his white t-shirt.

"whats that" I asked.

"You let me read these in peace..."

I sighed.

He lifted himself up off of me and continued reading.

I laid on the floor listening to him read out loud. My lyrics sounded better coming from his lips. Something about his voice in that moment was sucking me in.

He finally finished reading and he laid down on the floor with me.

"So are you going to save these? If you don't want them I'll keep them"

"Take them" I laughed "I'll never do anything with them"

"Why not?" He rolled onto his side and faced me.

"I don't know, daniel and I will probably never get the band stuff up off the floor"

"I dont know why!, Did you know kat plays bass?"

I looked at him "She does?"

"Yeah, You'd need a drummer and then you'd be set because you and Daniel play guitar as I hear, and Im sure you can sing... someone with such a pretty face has to sing like an angel right"

I laughed and sat up. He sat up in front of me.

"Well thanks, Maybe i'll talk to Kat about it"

"You should" he smiled.

There was a moment of silence between us and before I realized what happen, his lips were pressed against mine, and I couldn't pull away.....

Chapter 11

Present day...

A tap on my door, my body was worn out from the concert last night, it had been a more energetic version of myself up on stage last night. I was excited to see Daniel, and that excitement surged through me all night. I was on a high.

"Cass, we need you at practice you getting up some day?" Levi asked through the door.

"Yeah I'm up! I've been up for hours kid!" I called, and laughed as I heard him laugh and walk off.

I rolled out of bed threw on my jeans and tank, grabbed my hair tie and threw it up as I headed out.

I grabbed a doughnut on my way through the common room in the bus, stuck it in my mouth and grabbed a coffee off the table as well. With my free hand I grabbed my hoodie off the couch and started for the door.

I looked up as I took my last step out of the bus, and I spotted Daniel, talking with Alex right outside. They looked serious but Daniel looked amazing and all I wanted was to get him alone and tattoo his lips on my face forever. I was frozen.

Daniel spotted me. Alex turned to see what he was looking at, when he looked back I was stood frozen like a moron. It had been months since I'd seen him and I was still as much in love with him as I ever had been. Alex clearly not happy pulled Daniels attention back to him.

I slung my hoodie back over my shoulder took the doughnut out of my mouth and made a quick pass by them both, head down so Alex didn't get mad.

I could smell Daniels cologne as I passed him. It was still just as intoxicating as ever, I needed to know how he felt about me, this was going to be torture until I found out.

I walked into the auditorium and went straight to the stage.

Levi and Ally were already there warming up, waiting for me.

"You look flushed" Levi smiled at me.

"What?"

"Rosie cheeks" Ally giggled clearly in on the joke.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Guess you can find out how he feels now" Levi whispered as he handed me my guitar.

I Sighed "That's not what this is guys, hes a manager"

"So funny how you knew exactly what I was talking about" Levi looked at me. "Don't just ignore what you guys had"

"He did"

"He didn't.... trust me"

"How would you know?"

"I just do okay..."

Our conversation was interrupted as Daniel and Alex walked in.

I put all of my things down on the side of the stage and took my spot in the middle.

"So basically guys, Daniel is taking my spot, I don't have to train him because he's been doing this as long as I have, so i'll be leaving after tonight's show and you'll be in his care. call me if you need anything, you guys are scheduled to leave for Aus tomorrow night so make sure you have everything you need"

"We don't go home first?" Ally asked.

"No, we don't have time, this is a shorter tour through Aus, and anything you guys need will be shipped to you, you'll only be there for 3 weeks"

"That's a little depressing" Levi laughed

"After that you guys can go home again and catch your breath, and we can send you home, and start discussing more tours"

"This does happen fast doesn't it" Ally pipped up. Still new to the band I always forget she doesn't totally understand the whirl wind she got herself into.

Alex and Daniel walked away giving us time to do our sound check. I was frustrated with the lack of eye contact Daniel made with me. Maybe I should assume he let this go, but maybe Levi knows something I don't?

Sound check wrapped, and before I knew it I was on stage again singing to a crowd of people. Daniel and I hadn't even exchanged glances since earlier, I wasn't sure what I was going to do about him yet this was going to be harder than I thought. Maybe when Alex left and I had more time one on one with Daniel I could get things sorted out?

After the show wrapped Alex packed up his things and told us goodbye. He pulled me aside to tell me to behave like any responsible father would have done, even though hes not mine he just likes to pretend he is. He told me he'd be checking in a lot and hopes I have fun and pay attention, whatever that means?

The bus was quiet that night. Ally and Levi fell asleep on the couch together watching youtube videos, and as for Daniel, well I guess he was in his bunk because I was in my room in the back of the bus.... Alone.


I rolled over and turned my light out, hoping I could sleep without thinking about him just a door away all night long. Torture.

My phone lit up with a text message...

"Going to sleep?" - It was Daniel.

"Are you allowed to talk to me? I think I have the plague" I replied.

"Can I join you?" He text back

"Isn't that against a rule?" I replied.

"Isn't that half the fun?" He replied.

A tap at my door and it opened...


Daniel emerged and closed it behind him quietly. standing there in his white tshirt and jeans, not at all dressed for bed. He stood there waiting for an invitation to my bed...

I sat up, .... and coaxed him towards me.

He crawled on the bed towards me kissing me as he lay me back down on the bed...His lips were gliding around my body effortlessly... I felt like this would be the moment I die of happiness.....

"Oh Cassie..." He whispered.

"cassie..."

"Cassie...."


"Cassandra!...Seriously,..." It wasn't Daniel, It was someone beating on my door.

I opened my eyes and sat up from bed. The light outside of the bus shone through the window. We were stopped again and I could hear Ally outside of the door trying to get my attention.

"Cassie their going to be mad at me if I can't make you get out of bed" she sighed.

"I-I'm coming" I called to her. "Just a second"

I heard her walk away from the door..

I gathered my thoughts... and peered out my window, we were at a house, but I knew this house well...It was Daniel's dad's house. Must of been our stop to get some showers and food before the flight to Australia tonight....

This may or may not prove awkward since the last time I saw his dad he was convinced we'd end up married and ... he cant even make eye contact right now... Great....

Chapter 12

I emerged from the bus and headed towards the house. I was reliving the moments I had spent here summers ago in my head. Daniel and I were just friends even back then but his dad was convinced the sparks between us were going places. Daniel never denied he had feelings for me to his dad, I never denied it we just never followed through. I guess that's always been our problem.

"Cassandra, as I live and breathe" Daniel's dad Rob came out of the house and headed towards me. With a huge bear hug he embraced me and told me he missed the sight of me.

I felt instantly comfortable I just wish daniel and I were speaking.

"Come on in kid lets get you some food. and I'm sure you'd love a good shower huh? Do you need to do any laundry?" He walked me into the house where the rest of the band was. Levi and Ally were at the table eating, daniel was no where to be found, what a shock.

I sat down at the table to eat breakfast. levi and ally kept staring at me, as if I was on display. After a few moments of this I leaned over and asked Levi what he was looking at.
Levi denied anything. I saw ally's eyes look at a picture to the side of us. I couldn't see it from where I sat, it just looked like two people I just couldn't make out their faces yet.

Rob excused himself, said he was going to get Daniel to eat something. I quickly got up and headed for the picture.

It was Daniel and a blonde girl. Maybe an ex?

"Who is this?" I looked at Levi

"I--I dont know"

I glared at him. "Your a terrible liar"

"I dont know her name" Levi said.

Ally kicked him under the table

Rob walked back in and spotted me with the picture "oh I take it you've heard Daniel's big news" He smiled "Have you met Sarah?" he asked and took the picture from me, he smiled "Right after he asked her to marry him, how cute are they together" he put the picture down. clearly a proud pop,

My heart sunk.

I turned around and looked at Levi. I knew he's known about this, why did he let me get my hopes up about this? He told me Daniel hadn't forgotten, Why did he lie.

I excused myself back to the bus to gather some things to take a shower.

I heard Levi come in behind me. He shut the door behind us.

"I can't do this right now... I don't want to talk about it" I protested

"Cassie I'm sorry--- daniel wanted to tell you himself"

I turned around "how long have you known" I started to tear up.

"I---"

"HOW LONG" I screamed and threw the clothes I had gathered across the room.

"not long cass I swear"

"why did you tell me he had feelings for me, why did you let me get my hopes up"

"Because I know he does"

"Just stop--"

"Cass I'm not playing, I know he's in love with you, he's told me things--"

"he's getting married!"

"Its complicated!"

"HOW IS THAT COMPLICATED!"

"it just--- I dont know I'm not even supposed to be telling you any of this"

"I guess I'm glad I found out before I made a fool of myself in front of him" I sighed, sniffing and wiping my tears.

I picked up my clothes and pushed past levi, headed back inside to take a shower.

When I emerged I went into the guest room to blow dry my hair and put my make up on. My tank and Jeans was all I bothered to wear. My heart was broken, I didn't care to put on anything cute now.

I began brushing my hair out while it was wet, and Daniel walked past the door. He stopped and turned around, and walked in.

"Cassie---"

"What" I asked, not looking at him.

"The plane leaves in a few hours we'll need to be at the airport soon"

"I'll be done in 20" I said, no eye contact.

He lingered for a moment. And then walked away.

I guess all we are now is professional. If that's the way he wants it, that's how we'll play this.


Quite a few hours later we were getting off the plane in Sydney Australia.

We got into a car and were shuttled to the hotel. I hadn't spoken a word to anyone in hours. When we reached the hotel, Daniel made several attempts to speak to me and I averted every one of them.

To save money Ally and I were placed in one room and Daniel and Levi were placed in another room down the hall.

I got ready for bed immediately, and climbed in. Ally was still getting ready and I couldn't hold back my tears any longer.

She came over to the bed after hearing me for a few moments. She sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Cassie, levi wasn't lying about Daniel having feelings for you"

I rolled over to face her "Then how is he engaged"

"I'm not sure, I just know what I've seen"

"which is what"

"You honestly don't notice how many times daniel watches you?"

I shook my head.

"The whole plane ride he kept looking over at you, he knows your upset but we havn't told him why, he might try asking here soon but you might want to cut him some slack, its written all over his face that your the one he wants"

"If that were true he wouldn't be engaged, and he wouldn't of waited to tell me any of this either"

"He's kind of in a bind---"

"I don't understand what that means"

"Levi hasn't told me exactly he just keeps telling me to be patient? so I don't exactly know myself, but I've been trying to figure it out"

"I'm just tired of playing this game with him, he's just my manager now, nothing else" I rolled back over.

Ally got up and went to her own bed, She clicked off the light and we lay there in silence for a while.

I couldn't sleep.

I got up and grabbed my hoodie, I headed out into the hallway to find a back door. I needed some air.

I walked out the back door and pulled my hoodie over my head as I did. When I walked around the corner to sit on the steps I saw Daniel sitting there already, the phone stuck to his ear.

I turned around and started to head back in.

"You've got to be kidding me" He snapped "There's nothing I can do about this, just fax the papers to the bus I'll sign them and we can end this shit"

I stopped and turned around to look at him.

"I'm not kidding Sarah I'm not playing this game with you anymore, either you fax the papers or you drop this"

I wasn't sure if I should leave or not.

"Then do it! Its not a threat!" he yelled and hung the phone up.

He lit up a cigarette and exhaled clearly frustrated.

Before I could go back inside he saw me.

"Cassie," he called.

I faced him.

"Can we talk?"

"What about?"

He sighed "I've got something to tell you"

"Anything to do with a girl named Sarah who's oh-- I don't know, your fiance?"

"Dammit levi" he sighed.

I sat down next to him "Actually your dad"

"Cassie I'm sorry I'm not --

"Save it"

"You don't understand"

"Seriously Daniel, I don't want to play this game with you anymore--"

"Cassie---"

"I don't have anything else to say about this, it is what it is" I started to get up. he grabbed my arm.

He put his cigarette out and with both hands on both sides of my cheeks he pulled me in and kissed me with a passion I hadn't felt before.

I pulled away a moment later "What the hell" I backed up.

He had a hold of me "You don't understand Cassie--"

"Now your just a cheater and a Liar"

"I'm not engaged" he finally said.

I stopped struggling. "What?"

"I'm already m--m-married" he said slowly.

I jerked away from him.

"And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse"

I headed back inside, he chased me. He caught me at the door and pushed me up against the wall "Your going to listen to me, and once you hear what I have to say you can run away from me but it wont be for lack of trying that we cant make this work"

His lips were so close, I tried not to focus on them.

He began to speak again and his phone went off. Interrupting us at the worst time. I saw the caller ID it was Sarah. I looked at him and then walked back inside. Clearly this wasn't going to be settled tonight....

Chapter 13

The next few days remained mostly silent between the 4 of us. Daniel was on the phone a lot, Levi felt horrible for telling me anything so he and ally stayed away from Daniel and I as best they could. Band practices and gigs were about the only point we were together, faked smiles and awkward glances that said a lot. None of us were speaking, and I had no good excuse why not.

I found myself alone in our hotel room so I put my head phones on, turned my ipod on and decided to go for a run to clear my head. Running often times cleared whatever problems were ailing me at the moment.

I opened my door and started down the hallway to the same back door I had found myself nights before.

On my way out I glanced up and saw Daniel outside with a woman I hadn't seen before. She saw me too, and seemed to know who I was immediately. She started towards me with a fire in her eyes that was a little unnerving. I watched Daniel as he tried to grab her before she got away. His eyes looked concerned. She was heading straight for me, that much was clear. I pulled my headphones out of my ears and hear Daniel scream the name Sara. Oh, All makes sense now. She was here to kill me clearly, with that look of hatred in her eyes. I should be the one to kill her for stealing Daniel away with her obviously witch powers because I was clearly his perfect match not her.

"Cassie I assume" She asked as he got closer.

I nodded.

Her hand drew back and before I had a moment to think it was intercepted. Ally was behind her, clutching her arm with all her strength.

Curse words began flying.

Daniel was between us a moment later. The look of sorrow was in his eyes. I was just confused. We were in Australia how in heavens name did this psycho path find me? And how many girls did I need to fight off before Daniel and I could be together? But maybe that was the problem. I was tired of fighting them. maybe this was fates way of telling me we weren't meant to be.

"What's going on?" I asked shocked.

Ally had let go of Sara and she was behind me now.

"Home wrecker!" Sara yelled.

"Seriously? Who are you"

"I'm his wife! And your the reason he won't come home!"

"Listen you selfish bitch I didn't even know about you until 2 days ago so I really don't want to hear about the reasons he won't come home" I snapped.

sara stopped and looked at daniel "So you didn't even bother telling your little tramp here that you married me?"

"I was drunk sara! Seriously! I told you I was signing those papers!"

"So you can keep this up?" she pointed at me. "She's nothing!"

I was offended but almost more amused by her than anything.

"Look, I'm not about to be in the middle of this jerry springer moment. I'm in the middle of my tour, I don't have time for this bullshit. I'm not dating him, I can't tell you the last time we even had a moment alone together that didn't entail us yelling about something so he's all yours honey..Have at it" I threw my hands up and walked away.

Ally followed, I could hear Daniel calling my name but I kept walking.

"So what happens now?" Ally asked as we approached the hotel door.

"Not a damn thing.... I get back on that plane and go home... and erase him from my memory.."

I turned around as I reached the door and saw him standing in the parking lot watching me. Sara was clearly yelling at him but he wasn't paying attention to her.

I needed answers, that was for sure but this wasn't going to get any easier. Maybe this was my subconscious way of telling me to move on. Love shouldn't be this dramatic. This was too many obstacles... I'm just not sure we're even meant to be friends at this point...


The next night was another gig. I hadn't spoken to Daniel, nor did I intend to. He had called my cell and left me text messages asking to speak to me. I hadn't answered any of them.

Our gig was awkward. I gave glances backstage to see Daniel standing off to the side. Arms crossed, a look of sadness on his face. He looked like he had just lost his best friend. Too bad he didn't think enough of losing me before now.

The lights came down on stage. I could hear the crowd cheering, and my heart leaped with joy. I knew this is where I needed to be, despite the problems going on around me. This was my band and I was going to be proud of it.

The house lights came up and our set ended. I put my guitar back on his stand and walked off stage. Daniel was still standing there and I brushed past him.

"Cass--"

I kept walking.

"Cassie, Please wait" he caught my arm "can we go some where and talk? I just need a second and I'll leave you alone I promise"

"I dont really have anything to say to you Daniel, I'm done with this whole thing, your my manager and theres nothing left to say, enjoy your life"

He wouldn't let my arm go.

I jerked and he wouldn't budge. "Please,.... Just give me a minute!"

I caved.

He lead me down the hallway towards the back door of the auditorium.

We walked out the back doors and I sat on the steps that lead to the parking lot. Daniel stood by the railing next to me and he sighed. "I don't know where to start"

"The beginning might help" I rolled my eyes.

"You think less of me now I'm sure you do--"

"I don't know what to think of you Daniel, I'm not sure what happened"

"I got drunk"

"Its only been a few months since I was home... You stopped speaking to me to run off and get married to some girl who clearly loves you" I scoffed with sarcasm.

"Sara was at the bar, I've known her for a while and we got really smashed. I told her I was having trouble getting over you and ---"

"Why were you getting over me?"

"Well the whole situation was just crazy I wanted to back out of it and focus on my own career"

"And you cant do that if I'm in the picture"

He sat down on the steps next to me. "I dont want to take anything away from your spotlight Cass, Your an amazing artist, you don't need me ruining your life"

"Your doing an amazing job of staying out of it"

"I didn't know if I should of taken the job as your manager, but honestly I did it so I could see you"

I stopped. My heart dropped.

"No matter what I do, it always comes back to you, Cassie I'm still in love with you, after everything we've gone through, I know I can't be with out you"

"So you went and got married?" I looked at him. I could feel tears welling in my eyes.

"I was drunk! And stupid!"

"so what now!?" I snapped "Your married, We're not together, this is just fate telling us we're not meant to be together, Daniel, can't you see that? Love shoudln't be this hard"

"I don't believe that!" He stood up. "I'm getting the marriage annulled"

"So you can just go back to the way things were when we weren't speaking" I paced.

Daniel stood up and grabbed my shoulders, he forced me to look at him. "No, I wan't to go back to how it was before everything got so complicated. To that night in your apartment, when you let me lay on your favorite blanket" he laughed, making fun of me. "You and I have a connection Cassie, it would be stupid of us not to figure this out" ... "Please just give me a chance, I want to give you everything you need, I want to be the one you run to, I want to be the one to watch you succeed, I want to be the one to support you and love you and the one you come home to at the end of all of this"

I pulled away from him. "Your married"

He sighed "did you hear ANYTHING I've just said?"

"It doesn't change anything!" --"Your still married"

He grabbed my hands, put them together inside of his and looked at me. "I will prove to you that we can work"

"Daniel--"

"The only thing you have to do is not write me off... "

"So what we go back to being friends?"

"If that's the way you need to to be to see we are meant to be together then yes, we can be friends"

I paused... I didn't want to continue to not speak to him. Daniel had always been the one I loved running to for things. He was my biggest mentor when it came to my music anyway, what was the harm in letting him dig himself out of this hole he was in?

"ok" I said, I pulled my hands out of his. "Friends" I nodded.

I walked passed him and headed back into the auditorium. "Guess we'll see" I whispered to myself as I headed to find the rest of my band...

Chapter 14

The Aus tour was finally over! I couldn't have been more pleased to see my own apartment and crash into my own bed out of complete exhaustion. I had said goodbye to Levi, Daniel and Ally at the airport, I took a taxi home and we decided to reconvene for band meetings in a few weeks. For now, it was nothing but pure rest and relaxation for me.

My first night home, I popped popcorn, poured my favorite chocolate chips into the bowl and sat down to watch hours of Vampire Diaries on my netflix. Nothing could have been more called for but complete nothingness.

3 hours into my vampire diaries marathon there was a knock at my door.

I put my bowl down and went to the door in my pj bottoms, a football jersey I had some how acquired in the last few years, and my fuzzy slippers.

My neighbor from upstairs was standing at my door. Tall, Attractive, sweet on the eyes, Tyler. We hadn't spoken much in the short amount of time I had lived here due to my crazy schedule but we passed each other in the halls occasionally.

"Hey Cassie" he smiled "So I know you just got home from your tour, I was just wondering if you were interested in babysitting?"

I cocked my head to the side "Come again?"

"Well, dog sitting"

"You have a dog?"

He laughed "Yeah"

"Does the office know you have a dog?"

"Say that a little louder I dont think they heard you" He smirked.

I covered my mouth. "sorry"

A pause.

"What Kind of dog?" I asked.

"A husky"

"Why am I your choice of a dog sitter?" I asked.

"Well, I dont talk to anyone else here"

I laughed "We talk?"

He smiled "Well, I babble... you walk past me"

"Well, now I feel like a horrible person.. Won't you come in and tell me more about your dog" I laughed and let him him.

I kicked off my slippers. Pink Bunnies don't exactly say sexy.

Tyler walked in and shut the door behind him. "Your not a horrible person, we just don't have actual conversations your so busy, but I understand that, superstardom and everything"

I scoffed. "Well its more drama than I want most days but I guess it has its perks, so tell me about your dog?"

"Milo" He smiled.

We went into the living room and sat on the couch.

"Cute name"

"Well I'm going to see my family for a few days, my grandmother just passed away and I've never left Milo alone before, I'm not sure what he'll do if he's left alone"

"A few days?"

"Yeah I'll probably be back late Friday"

"I don't see why we cant make that work" I smiled "Can I meet him?"

"Oh Sure, sure... Do you want to come see him now?"

"Um, Sure, Let me put some normal clothes on"

"I think you look fine" He smiled

"Should have seen the bunny slippers I just had on" I smiled and headed to my room.

Grabbed my jeans off the floor, quickly changed and emerged a moment later. Slipped the jersey off as I walked towards the door revealing my tank top underneath. I grabbed my hoodie, keys and phone off the chair in the kitchen and followed him out.


We were in his apartment a moment later. It smelled of hollister cologne. A great smell to anyone who loves that store as much as I do. His apartment looked a lot cleaner than mine. I was a little surprised. He had a balcony, the first thing you see when you walk through the door.

"Oh wow, now I wish I had waited the extra 2 months to move in to the balcony apartments" I sighed.

"They made you wait?" He smiled walking further into his apartment calling for his dog.

"You didn't have to?" I huffed. "Your kidding!?, that old woman in the office hates me"

"Barbie?" He laughed, walking into his bed room.

"Oh so you know her name huh..." I said snooping around and looking at the photos on his coffee tables. Siblings and parental photos I'm guessing. No sign of a girlfriend though not that I'm looking, but its good to know.

He emerged from the bed room "Yeah barbie loves me" he smiled Milo emerged from behind him. How sweet an image, an attractive guy and his sweet looking husky dog.

Milo came up to me and sniffed around my feet...

"Hey cutie" I bent down and pet him. "So why does barbie love you?, or do I want to know" I snickered.

"Eh, I do odd jobs for her here and there. She lives behind the office and is getting older she didn't want to pay someone to fix her house so I volunteered to help her out last summer"

"Ahhh... so that doesn't explain why you didn't have to wait for the balcony" I stood back up.

He laughed "your nosey aren't you"

"Well I would like to know how to suck up to the office manager next time I want a balcony" I laughed.

"I don't honestly know how I got it?" he laughed

"Oh I'm sure I have a few guesses then" I smiled.

He returned the smile with a small roll of his eyes and we turned our attention back to the dog.

"Well I think I'm okay to watch Milo, is there any special instructions on him I should know?"

"Nope, as long as he's got his food and water bowl, he's good to go"

"Walk him? ... Don't walk him?.... Where does he like to sleep?"

"You can walk him if your not busy, but he's not that energetic so he won't give you any problems if you don't walk him, and he'll sleep anywhere you'll let him so if you don't want him on the furniture just tell him no, and he'll leave you alone" He smiled "He's probably the worlds most behaved dog"

"Challenge Accepted" I laughed and looked at Milo.


A few more words were said between us, casual goodbyes and I wondered back down to my apartment, with the dog date set for tomorrow afternoon. I was actually excited to turn my attention towards a dog, someone who wouldn't give me grief... This could be good for me.


When I arrived at my apartment door I found Daniel sitting in front of it. Head in his hands.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, knowing i'd regret hearing the answer he gave...

He looked up at me.. his face was red, he had been crying.

"Daniel?"

He stood up... I unlocked my door and let him in first.

He stood in the middle of my living room... somber.

"Daniel? whats going on?"

"I think she's pregnant" He said quietly.

"Sara?"

He nodded...

"I thought---- But you------ But how-----" ...." You said annulment, which meant you hadn't slept with her!"


" I don't remember! I don't remember marrying her! I don't remember any of it! Its a complete blank!" He yelled.

Neither one of us spoke for a few moments.

He sat down on my couch and couldn't move.

I was growing more irritated with this drama by the second.

"Get out" I suddenly yelled.

He stood up and turned around to face me "Cassie---"

"Daniel!, Get out!...."

"But!---"

"Sara is pregnant, she is your wife... you shouldn't be here right now, you shouldn't be talking to me, we can't do this, I can't be what you need me to be, your married dammit!"

"Cassie please this isn't how I wanted things to end!"

"Your still married... and she's for the sake of argument pregnant with your kid right now... honey you dug your own grave you should really pick up your own pieces" --"let yourself out I cant deal with this anymore" I went to my room and slammed my door.

I heard the front door shut, I went to my bed room window that over looked the parking lot to see Daniel walk out and get into his car. He briefly turned around to look up to my window. I didn't want to admit it to anyone but my heart was breaking. I knew this was fates way of telling us it wasn't meant to be but it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. He had been the only one I truly loved, but we had never been in the same moment in time. I had a feeling this was only the beginning of my pain...

Chapter 15

It had been 3 days since I had thrown Daniel out of my apartment. Milo and I were getting well acquainted, he seemed to enjoy my apartment more than I did. We spent a good portion of our days on the couch watching vampire diaries, my new obsession. My phone hadn't rang in days, I felt it was best not to call Daniel and stir the pot, we both needed some time to heal from all of this. It was difficult not to speak to him though, we had been best friends for years this was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. At least I had a good distraction, Milo.

One am Friday morning Milo and I had fallen asleep on the couch watching season 3 and stuffing our faces full of snacks. Well, I stuffed my face, and fed him popcorn here and there.

A tap on my door woke me, and I sat up. I grabbed my phone, several missed calls. Before I pulled up the missed calls to see who it was I stumbled to the door.

Tyler was in the doorway again. Milo perked up immediately.

I reached for the lamp closest to the door. Rubbed my eyes, to try and wake myself up. How long had I been out!?

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up Cassie" "I thought I'd take Milo off your hands early I'm sure you'd like to get back to your life" he smiled.

"You got home early?" I said stumbling back towards the couch and motioning for him to come in.

I put the phone back down on the coffee table and sat on the couch, desperately trying to wake up.

I looked down at myself to make sure I was at least wearing pants. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep.

I was in track pants and a hoodie. At least it was clothes.

Tyler came in and shut the door behind him. "I'll just take Milo and let you go back to sleep I'm really sorry I swear I didn't think about the time--"

"no, don't worry about it, I was watching a marathon of--- something or other" I half laughed because I couldn't remember

"Vampire Diaries" He smiled and pointed at the tv, still going.

I looked up.

"Well crap now I don't know what I've missed" I sighed and stopped the tv.

"That's good that's Milo's favorite show, Think he's a Damon fan though" He laughed


I stood up and faced Tyler a little more alert now. Ripped jeans, white tshirt and zip up hoodie. Wow,I bet he just wakes up looking like a abercrombie and fitch model.

He motioned Milo over to him. Milo still lounging on the couch got up and started towards the door with Tyler

"Wait!" I called. "How will he know what happens?" I laughed.

Tyler smiled "I guess we will have to come back over and watch more with you?, wouldn't want him to miss anything"

Oh I felt stupid. I never use lines. I was far too sleepy to know what was going on. Was that a line? Did I just attempt to flirt with my neighbor? Shouldn't I just give this whole part of my life a big break? Wasn't my heart still broken over Daniel?


I nodded, and half smiled. Tyler said goodnight and thanked me for watching Milo, and he was gone.

I slumped to the couch and covered my face. "Nice going Cass" I spoke to myself. "How will he know what happens?...Your an idiot"

I rolled over grabbed my pillow and turned off the tv. It was defiantly time for bed now.


Hours later I awoke to my phone ringing off the hook. I grabbed it off the table, I found myself laying on my stomach so I stayed put as I checked my messages.

4 From Levi,
2 from Ally,
8 Missed calls from Daniel.

What In heavens name is going on?

I sat up and started going through my text messages.

Levi text me first

"Can't find Daniel" -- " Cassie answer the phone" -- "Seriously cant find Daniel"-- "Cassie do you know where daniel is?"

Ally's

"I think Daniel flipped his lid, please call" -- "Cassie Please call!!"


Daniel didn't leave texts or voice mails. So I scrolled through to see all the times he had called, 12:24 12:46 12:55 1:03 --- Before I could finish the list there was another knock at the door.

I got up and wrapped my blanket around my shoulders. "I'm Effing popular today apparently, whats a girl gotta do to get some sleep around here" I mumbled to myself as I opened the door.

Tyler at the door again.

"Oh, Hey... wow I did it again didn't I?" He laughed.

"Huh? Oh, no.. I was awake. Apparently my phone has an active social life because it refuses to stop ringing" ---"what time is it anyway?" I asked

"Its 11:30"

"Well super, would you like some coffee? I sure would" I turned around and left the door open for him. I tossed my blanket to the couch and grabbed my jeans off the floor. I should really start doing laundry.

Went into my bedroom and slipped them on, Came back out and Tyler was now in my living room. My phone continued to go off behind him on the coffee table.

"Your not kidding" he looked down at it, "you've had 4 missed calls just since ive been standing here"

"yeah well, guess they can come find me if its an emergency" I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag off the table "Coffee?"

He swiped my phone off the table and followed me out.

He handed me the phone in the hallway and it was Levi calling me repeatedly. I shut the phone off and kept walking. Anything having to do with Daniel was not my concern anymore.

We walked down the hallway to the staircase, and out the front door of the apartment complex.

Daniel was standing by my car.

Tyler followed me.

"Go home" I yelled.

Daniel looked up at me "Who the F- Is this?"

"None of your business Daniel, Your WIFE miss you yet?" I snapped as I pushed him to get to my drivers side door.

Tyler tried to go to the passengers side Daniel started for him. "Did you know she's taken? she's with me" He said and attempted to get into Tyler's face.

"Hey--" Tyler faced him "Back up man clearly she doesn't want you around"

Daniel looked like he had been awake for days, he was ragged and had a crazy look on his face.

Daniel pushed farther into Tyler's face. Tyler pushed him back.

"Guys--"

Daniel pushed Tyler back towards the car and Tyler's back was pushed up against it.

"Daniel GO HOME!" I yelled and was growing more angry by the second.

Daniel backed off for a moment and focused on me "THIS GUY!?"! He shouted.

"Go home! your Wife needs you doesn't she!? We aren't together, You blew that forever ago, go deal with your problems!"

Daniel came around to my side of the car and grabbed me by my arms "YOUR my problem, Cassie! I can't just let this go! I'm In love with you! I don't want sara! I don't want this! I want you! I just want it to go back to the way it was! I can't do this! I don't want her!" He continued to shout.

Tyler came around to our side and tried to wedge himself between us because Daniels grip was hurting my arms.

"hey, man your hurting her, back up a second" Tyler said as calm as he could. I could tell he wanted to defend me further but didnt want it to turn into something.

Daniel pushed Tyler off "back up this doesn't concern you pretty boy" he snapped.

Tyler tried to come back and I forced myself out of Daniels one arm grip at that point. I pushed Tyler back and told him to get in the car.

Tyler stood there a moment then walked away.

I looked at Daniel, clearly distraught.

"We can't do this, we don't belong together, this is fate telling us its not supposed to happen, she's pregnant!" I sighed "Can't you understand this is killing me? Every time you come here you KILL ME because I have to let you go to someone else! Don't you understand that!? I can't do this! It hurts too much! So just go home and let me be! Please!" I started crying and got in my car. Left Daniel standing to the side. Tyler didn't speak but was sitting in the passenger seat. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove away. I prayed to God Daniel wouldn't keep doing this to me.


I drove around the corner to the starbucks and sat in the parking lot for a moment. I was sure I blew any chance with Tyler that I had now and I was embarrassed and mad.

I looked at Tyler, eyes watery. "I'm so sorry"

"Oh that wasn't your fault Cassie I'm sorry for you, is this your life? No wonder you said it was drama" he sighed "You don't deserve that"

I stayed silent for a moment, gathered myself and then spoke "Look, I'm not looking for anything right now, I just want you to know that up front. I'm better off being someone's friend because I'm damaged right now. If you want to be my friend that's what I need, if its anything more than that, I don't know if I can handle this-- I'm probably not making any sense---"

He smiled "Hey, its okay, i'm not looking for anything either. I just got out of a relationship myself, I'd prefer this be nothing but friends either, I think we've both got some baggage"--

a pause in the conversation, I was mortified I had just had to endure that side of Daniel. This just wasn't what I needed today- Or ever. I left all this drama back in Aus...

"lets just go get some coffee? " He smiled breaking the silence.

I half smiled and followed him out of the car...

chapter 16

Months passed. I hadn't heard a word from Daniel. I closed the book on that part of my life. Tyler and I kept close company. Found a good friend in him. I suspected he wanted more but he was gracious enough not to push me. I was still not ready for anything but being single. Frankly getting back into my music was what I wanted. I thought it was time to call the band together and see where we were.

"We need to record again guys" Levi pointed out. I had invited them over to have a band meeting in the living room. Tyler was over as well, I figured he had been around for the bad, he might as well be involved in the calm aspects of my life as well.

"Have you written anything lately Cass?" Ally asked.

"I can't because our cd will come out like a blog of hate letters" I half laughed.

"The greatest bands create music from their life" Tyler said "I say go for it, screw who it hurts"

"Finally! Someone with my kind of attitude" Levi laughed and pointed at Tyler.

"It would be geared towards certain people, they would know who it was about" I said.

"Who cares" Ally said. "This is about the music, writing calms you down, this is how you vent anyway isn't it? Just create some stuff"

"Well to be honest I already have" I sighed. I got up and went to get my journal out of my room.

I brought the journal out and tossed it to Levi. "Enter at your own risk" I walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of wine. Letting them read my private lyrics was going to stress me out.

I came back with a few glasses and poured myself one.

Sitting on the floor I saw Levi's reaction.

"Wow!".... "Wow!"...

"Really? Let me read it!" Ally said getting up and sitting next to Levi.

I put my hand over my face. "Oh this can't be good" I sighed.

"Oh my gosh Cass, you really shred them dont you?"

"Ok Ok thats enough!" I got up and snatched the book from them.

"I want to see" Tyler said snatching the book from me.

He was too quick.. and I had a glass of wine in my hands... I sat back down and waited for him to get through a few lines.

"I can actually hear the tune in my head" Tyler said.

Levi "Really?"

"Yeah is your guitar around?"

Ally took off for my bed room and grabbed my electric.

I don't play as often as I would like but its always there to strum out songs to.


She came back a moment later, with the book in front of Tyler he took the guitar from Ally and began strumming a song to my lyrics.
Ally grabbed a piece of paper to help them write down the notes in the guitar. I sat there stunned. Did they think I was going to let them use my most personal thoughts on stage?

Tyler began to sing a little. I had never heard his voice. So raspy, so sweet. I suddenly heard my lyrics become a song and it was almost impossible to say no.

A few moments later Tyler stopped and we had a song...

Within a few hours my entire notebook became 7 more songs, with a mixture of Levi Tyler Ally and Myself, we created almost an entire new demo.

Days turned into weeks and after meeting a few more times we completed our demo and had it ready for Alex to help us record again. I missed the studio
It had been so long since I'd screamed my heart out and heard it played back to me. I couldn't wait to get back to it!

Monday morning weeks after our band meeting Tyler accompanied me to the studio. Alex met us at the door. He had the demo over night today we were supposed to record for real.

"Come in guys!" he said hugging me "How have you been cassie!? You look great kid"

"I'm good! How's leah and the baby?"

"Good good... Healthy and Happy thats what matters" He smiled and greeted Tyler. The official meeting though they knew of each other by now.

We entered the studio and sat down Alex walked in behind us and leaned against the sound board.

"So I've been up reviewing the demo all night, and I have a radical suggestion"

"Okay?"

"Why don't we let Tyler accompany you on vocals?"

I looked at Ty, he looked at me. both a little shocked.

"Me?, seriously?" He said "I dont know anything about this kind of stuff"

"See the funny thing is, most artist don't know they have talent, but you have talent, and I think what this band needs is a fresh voice"

"Oh well thanks" I rolled my eyes

"Cass, You know I'm right"

"Well---"

"You heard him"

"This is her band, I'm not going to take that from her"

"No, not taking anything, just turning this into a two person vocal band plus we are down a guitarist, have been since Daniel---ehh...."

"Yeah I know about him" Tyler half smiled.

I sighed. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I felt like I had just got this band back on track without the drama did I really want to add another member?

Tyler noticed my frustration "How about I let you guys talk a moment, I'll be outside" he said put his hand on my shoulder as he walked out.

I heard the door click shut behind me...


"Are you out of your mind" I protest to Alex. "I JUST got this band back to before the crap and you want to add another member?"

"You like Tyler"

"What?!"

"Crap Cassie can't you ever just NOT like someone" He sighed at me.

"I dont Like him like that Alex, thats not what this is about I swear"

"Then what is it"

"Maybe I dont want to share the spotlight"

He gave me a "don't be stupid" look. "we both know your not like that"

"What if it doesn't work? what if he's not ready for this... this is a lot Alex "

"I think we need a guitarist anyway, right?"

"Yeah"

"What if we just ask if he wants to play guitar, let him play a couple gigs, see how he does in front of big crowds and then talk about the duet stuff"

I sighed.

"I know your sighing because I'm right and you know this will work" he laughed "Have I ever steered you wrong kid?"

"You made Daniel our band manager for Aus- Don't even get me started with wrong" I glared.

"In my defense, I had NO idea he got married"

I held up my hands "Don't want to talk about it--"

"Ok" he smiled "Tell Tyler to come in here and we'll talk"

I sighed and got up.

Tyler was brought back into the room we ran it by him and he agreed to help with the guitarist but didn't want to take any spotlight from me. I reluctantly assured him it was fine with me and I would welcome a new member. Truth be told I was too afraid it would end badly and our good friendship would end over another band drama. Too many people have been cut off from my life because of this band. I didn't want it to happen to anyone else. In the back of my mind somewhere I smiled at the thought of Daniel seeing Tyler on stage with me and cringing. Well maybe this would have some perks to it.

Chapter 17

I sat on the stool in the studio. Headphones on, my hands on the mic in front of me. I began singing the first verse of one of our new songs. Tyler strummed the guitar, it was just him and I. Alex wanted to see how well Tyler and I work together. Ally and Levi were on the other side of the glass watching with Alex.

He continued playing and my mind wondered off as I sang the lyrics I created from my personal pain through the last year.

I wondered what Daniel was doing with his life now. I wondered if him and that girl had gotten divorced? Maybe she was faking the pregnancy and he could come back to me? Maybe it didn't matter I had given him enough chances. This was fate telling me we couldn't be together I needed to accept that. I missed him. There was no denying that, but I couldn't go there I had to keep moving.

"As twisted as it seems, I'd rather feel your love when its in my dreams..."

I sang the bridge to the song and Alex cut in.

"That was really good guys, I think we should bring in the whole band"

"Wouldn't it be better if this one was acoustic?" Tyler asked, and then looked at me. "It seems like this one is more on the painful side, I think it would come across better acoustic, every band does acoustic once in a while right?"

I paused.

"Did you record it Alex, just now?"

"Yes I did"

I took my head phones off and came into the booth to hear the playback.

I listened for a few moments and agreed acoustic was best. It brought out the raw tension in the song. Tyler must have been listening to me more than I was even listening to myself.

Ally and Levi agreed to keep this one acoustic and let us rerecord the bridge because we were cut off.

Tyler and I came back into the booth and put the headphones on.

He put his hand on my leg "I'm sorry for what he did to you, I can feel everything now--"

"Guess I didn't realize the song was that open"

"I think it was more your delivery of it, I could see you were lost in your own head"

I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes. Tyler started his guitar and I began reliving the pain of the last year with Daniel. Tears rolled down my eyes as I belted the bridge to the song. My voice came out raspy and broken. Tyler picked up with me, he belted the bridge and back into the chorus. I was startled at first but it felt better than singing alone.

Alex cut us off

"Oh so we are doing the duet thing now?" He smiled He made a circle with his fingers. "rerun it! Tyler ...Come in at the first chorus,... and then at the bridge"

Ally came over the speaker "Wait I have the best idea!"

we were all ears.

"What if you rewrite the second verse for a male vocal?" - "Like how you say "he" in the first verse?, You could rewrite "She" into the second verse,.. the chorus still fits the situation, and the bridge too, but it could be from two different perspectives, I bet that would be intense!" she beamed.

Tyler looked at me "I don't want to take this from you this is your journal---"

"No, I'd actually like to take the focus off of me Change the lyrics and sing the second verse"

I rolled my fingers in a circle "Rerun it!" I called out.

The guitar started back up again... I heard my voice ring out, soft,... I felt broken, and the more I sang my own lyrics the more I felt vulnerable and I wasn't sure how I would react to Daniel ever hearing these lyrics.

The chorus came and went, and the second verse started. Tyler's voice was soft and smooth, he had a bit of a rasp that entranced me as it rang out. I couldn't help but look over at him as he sang these lyrics. His eyes closed and both hands on his guitar. He belted the lyrics as if they effected him personally. A chill ran down my spine,... And I knew this was the combo of musical genius Alex and I had been waiting for.


The session wrapped and everyone decided to go out for a celebration dinner. Alex and I were the last ones out of the studio.

"What are you going to do when Daniel hears this?" He asked grabbing his messenger bag off the table.

"Hide?" I smiled grabbing my jacket.

"I actually teared up a little"

"No shit?"

"Yeah, Levi said that came right out of your journal"

"I did"

"Your okay with reliving this every day on stage?"

"Well, Tyler helps alleviate some of the pressure"

"He's a good match for you"

I looked at him

"Vocally---"

I smiled

"No funny business"

"Oh I've learned my lesson" I held my hand up. "Scouts honor"

He opened the door for me " Lets go celebrate your new beginning.."

"With lots of alcohol" I smiled and walked out......

Chapter 18

Headphones on, I could feel my body running. My pulse was racing and the wind was rushing through my pony tale. I was breaking a sweat. I had been at this for an hour now. Alanis Morrisette 8 easy steps was my jam when running today. I decided at the hour and a half mark that I should run back to my apartment. There was no amount of running that would ease my nerves today.

I rounded the corner to my apartment complex and I saw the one car I wished I never had to see ever again.

"Cassie?"

"Kat?" I took a second look.

I had finally reached the parking lot where she stood next to her car.

"Kat what are you doing here?" I asked taking my headphones out.

"Before you get mad at me---"

"Before?"

"I'm not here for me, Ok, I'm here because Da--"

"No, go away"

"Cassie I know you still love him"

"Kat you don't even know whats going on anymore"

"You seriously think I havn't been talking to him this whole time?"

"Oh yeah that makes me want to speak to you again, or him for that matter"

"Look" she grabbed my arm as I headed towards the apartment doors. "Be mad at me, fine, I deserve it, but don't punish him"

"What are you even talking about!?"

"He didn't realize what was going on, he was drunk"

"So getting married makes it okay as long as hes drunk!?"

"Wait---What?"

"He got married Kat I'm sure since you've talked to him, you knew that already"

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"They got it annulled months ago Cassie havn't you talked to him at all?"

"NO!!" I yelled and jerked away from her. " I dont want anything to do with either of you"

"You don't understand!--"

"Look, Him and I --We're done, He's all yours"

"Cassandra!"

I kept walking.

She chased me. "Don't punish him because I screwed this whole thing up!, You guys were meant to be together and you know that!"

"I can't do this!" I yelled and reached my door.

I fumbled for my keys. Too late, she reached me.

"Listen to me! He needs you!"

"Then where is he!?..."

"Afraid he's screwed everything up!"

"He did, tell him congrats... and excellent choice on who to send to speak to me about all of this... Your defiantly the one person I was hoping to hear from today"

"Cassie, you know your meant to be with him, I know it, he knows it... you know it"

"Fine, alert the media..."

"What is wrong with you"

"He's hurt me! He's hurt me beyond repair!, every time I get close he takes off and vise versa, I'm done, I don't care anymore, I'm moving on with my life... With my music... I'm done with this and I'm done with both of you"

I finally unlocked my door and got inside.

"If you don't speak to him now you never will, you'll miss out on everything"

"Can't miss something you never had" I slammed my door in her face... and locked it.

Tears flooded my eyes but I fought back because I had to pack. Tonight we were leaving for 6 weeks of a tour and I needed to be strong for the rest of the band. This was my new beginning I wouldn't let my past ruin this one.

"Don't be stupid" Kat called out as she walked away from my door...

I shook my head, let out a sigh and walked to my room to pack my things for tour.

I wondered over to the window to see her get into her car and pull out of the parking lot. I wasn't being stupid, they were being stupid. I couldn't do this back and forth crap with him anymore. That's all we were, back and forth, never just...present.


A tap on my door a few mins later and Tyler emerged from the doorway.

"Are you okay? I heard yelling" he asked. Milo sitting next to him.

"Just burying my past" I sighed. "some how it keeps digging itself up"

"hate it when that happens" he smiled "Can I help you pack?"

"Your all packed?"

"I've been packed since yesterday" he laughed

"Rookie"

"I'm excited what can I say" he smiled and let Milo off his leash to roam my apartment.

"Well I'm glad your coming, This should be fun"

"I'm glad I'm coming too, this is something weird and new for me"

"What did Alex say about Milo?" I asked

"He said he doesn't see why not"

"Good" I leaned down to hug Milo. It would be nice to have a dog on tour too, someone to cry to if I got lonely...

"I hear we got a double Decker bus!" Tyler added "How amazing is that"

"Really?, that will be new for me too"

"really!?" He cocked his head

"Yeah We only get the double Decker if our cd's do well, cuz that means our budget is more" I dropped the clothes I was folding into the suitcase and looked at Tyler.

"Congratulations seems to be appropriate" he smiled.

"Oh My God...."

"Alex told me this morning, I wanted to tell you first---"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Your Cd dropped and that single hit Number one.... its being requested on almost every radio station, everyone Loves it"----"Alex said record sales hit the roof.... Cassie, You did it"

"Oh My God!!!!" I squealed and ran towards him.

He embraced me...

I had finally made it.... Everything I dreamed right in front of me.... This would be the tour to end all tours... This would be the cd to make my life. This would be the band that made it to the top.... We would be the band people talked about for years. This wasn't a "Get to know us" tour anymore... This was a "we've arrived" tour.... This was everything I've ever wanted...

Daniel and I always dreamed of hitting it big.... its too bad he cant be here to share it with me anymore... I guess I got almost everything I've wanted.


Well... Life is still young. Lets get this show on the road!

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.02.2012

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