The Colour of Blue

By

Allanah Hunt


Copyright 2010 Allanah Hunt


The room did not compliment her beauty. It was a sea of white. White walls, white beds, white sheets, even white floors. It wasn’t a pretty white like fresh, powdery snow or the soft white of an owl’s down feathers. It was a dreary white like a blank sheet of paper. No, the room was ugly unlike my daughter. With her dark chocolate hair and cherry lips, she reminded me of a red rose in a garden of thorns. Her delicate face showed no signs of pain but I knew better. Her breathing was uneasy and her eyelids were slightly open to only reveal the whites of her baby blue eyes. Her skin was a deathly pale.
I watched her sadly as she slept on. She was far too young to be trapped in a hospital bed. She should have been outside feeling the cool breeze’s loving kiss on her face instead of lying in an uncomfortable hospital bed for months in pain.
I gently rubbed her cheek. ‘Sleep soundly, my beautiful Anna,’ I whispered softly. ‘Daddy’s here to watch over you.’
I laid a bouquet of Anna’s favourite flowers, blue tulips, on her bedside table. As I quietly sat down on the chair next to her bed, Anna’s eyes flickered open.
‘Daddy,’ a smile like sunshine appeared on her face.
‘Hello, sweetie,’ I leaned over and kissed her forehead. ‘Are you feeling any better today?’
‘I still can’t feel my legs, Daddy,’ Anna said sadly as she pointed weakly at her legs.
I smiled, trying to hide my pain. ‘I know, sweetie. Remember the doctors said you might not feel your legs for a long time.’
‘How long?’ Anna asked.
I swallowed. ‘Quite a long time, Anna.’
Not seeming worried at my answer, she looked around the room as though looking for something.
‘Where’s Mummy?’ she asked suddenly. ‘She hasn’t been here all the times you’ve come to see me.’
I swallowed again, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. ‘I’m sorry, Anna, but Mummy couldn’t come today either.’
Anna looked disappointed but didn’t push the matter any further. She yawned tiredly and closed her eyes. The effort was too much for her to keep them open.
I sighed as I watched her go back to sleep. I buried my head into my hands and felt something wet roll down my cheek.
The doctors said it was for the best. They said I couldn’t tell her in her present condition. But what I wanted to know was how was I ever going to tell my seven-year-old daughter that the car accident that had made her a paraplegic had also killed her mother.


A lonely figure sat in a wheelchair on our back deck. Her sad blue eyes watched the cloudy sky as she clutched a long, blue, summer dress that had belonged to her mother.
I watched Anna out of the clear glass door. It tore at my heart to see my little daughter in so much grief. It was if she was slowly drowning in a dark blue sea of depression. As she went further and further down, I failed to pull her back to surface for a breath of fresh air.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled the sliding door open and walked out onto the back deck, the cold wind pulling at my clothes. I sat down beside Anna, who hadn’t moved.
‘What are you doing out here, sweetie?’ I asked.
Anna shrugged as she continued to cradle her mother’s dress. I watched her silently, wishing I could say something, anything, to make my little girl smile again. I reached over and stroked my wife’s dress, trying to hold back the memories it brought to me of my beautiful partner.
‘It’s a pretty dress, isn’t it, sweetie?’
Anna nodded, not looking up at me.
‘You really like it, don’t you?’
Anna nodded again, but remained silent.
‘You know, when you’re older and much bigger, you could wear it?’
Anna’s eyes widened and she finally made eye contact with me, her face full of hope. ‘Could I really?’ she almost whispered.
I smiled softly. ‘Of course you could.’
I saw a smile start to form on her lips but it suddenly dropped.
‘But this is Mummy’s dress,’ Anna stared at it sadly.
‘But I know Mummy would want you to wear it when you’re older,’ I said, hoping I could bring back the smile I had just seen a glimpse of.
Anna frowned. ‘How do you know?’ she asked.
‘Anna, there are some things I just know. I know your mum would love you to wear that dress one day.’
My daughter cocked her head at me curiously. ‘If you know that, then would you know other stuff?’ she said, a slight tone of hope in her voice.
‘Like what?’ I queried.
‘Like … ‘ Anna paused, as if unsure whether to carry on.
‘Go on, Anna,’ I encouraged her.
‘Like if Mummy is happy where she is,’ Anna gazed at me with sad blue eyes and I saw tears rolling down her face. “She is happy, isn’t she, Daddy?’
I felt tears start to well up in my eyes but I held them back. If Anna saw me cry, it would upset her even more.
I reached over and lifted Anna out of her wheelchair, her mother’s dress still in her arms. I cradled her in my arms.
‘That is one thing I definitely do know, sweetie,’ I said as I kissed her cheek and wiped away a tear from her eyes. ‘She is happy where she is.’
Anna’s bottom lip wobbled. ‘Without me?’
My heart ached at her words. ‘No, sweetie, it isn’t like that,’ I explained, weighing out my words carefully. ‘It’s just that Mummy knows that for you to be happy, she has to be happy. She would hate to see you so sad.’
Anna sniffled and wiped her eyes. ‘You mean, if I was happy, Mummy would be even happier?’
‘That’s right,’ I said.
Anna went quiet. She began examining her mother’s dress again.
‘You know,’ I began, ‘I bet when you get old enough to where Mummy’s dress, you will look exactly like Mummy.’
This time, a smile like summer rain washed over Anna’s face and her eyes glowed with happiness. She threw her arms around me and squeezed as tight as she could.
‘I love you, Daddy,’ Anna said, as she buried her head into my shoulder.
I smiled as I held her close to me and laid my hand on the back of her head. My wife’s dress was in between the both of us. It felt as though I was holding her in my arms as well as my beloved daughter.
‘I love you too, sweetie,’ I whispered, ‘I love you too.’
I got up from my chair, still holding Anna. I carried her inside our house. I took Anna upstairs to her bedroom that was painted a pretty blue, not a dreary white. I planned to put her to bed so she could drift into a beautiful place of peace and dream of her mum happy in Heaven.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.01.2010

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