The air held a particular scent that September night. It was crisp, coppery, and fresh, and though it awakened a deep-set nostalgia, she couldn’t remember what it was from. In the midst of the darkness she stood, auburn hair flowing forward from the breeze. Through the moonlight she could see only the outline of the hills and the trees that stood miles away. She closed her eyes. Tranquility.

A flash jolted her out of the trance. Instantly her heartbeat picked up speed; her breathing followed. An intense yellow flew over her eyes. The warm breeze had changed to a harsh wind. Goosebumps rose on her exposed arms. A crash.

As she took a deep breath in, bitter drops lashed around her, soaking her satin gown. Her legs could no longer support her thin frame. Onto the grassy field she fell, salt from her eyes mixing with salt from the rain.

There he was, his tanned, chiseled face wearing perfection in clarity. His full, soft lips were upturned at the end, and his wavy brown hair fell to the sides his strong forehead.

"Come on, Lilly! You only live once!" He was smiling. Behind him rain clouds gathered, darkness spread, and rain washed down the window.

"I'll get sick!"

"The rain won't hurt you! I promise!"

"I'll slip on the grass!"

"Take my hand. I won't you let fall." Bright blue eyes smiling, he reached his reached his spindly hand to hers. She grasped it.

***

Her legs slid against each other as she struggled under the sheets. Slowly she opened her eyes. Though the brightness of the room drowned out all other sense, she could vaguely make out the sound of muffled laughter to her right.

“You seem to like the rain.” The shrill ringing and sudden onset made Lilly cringe.

The girl turned her head to face the noise. A plump old woman stood before her, black beady eyes staring straight through her. Her back was hunched over a bit, a small hump protruding, revealing the only speck of gray on the white dress. She took up a brown blanket lying at Lilly’s feet and began to fold it. Behind the woman were two off-white walls, one to the side with a familiar cork board cluttered with color, the other straight ahead with a plain pine door. She shook her head.

“Pardon?” Lilly turned her gaze to her left, opposing the woman, trying to take in her surroundings. A white bedside table with a small leather journal stood in the corner of the two walls. Across from it, a bit further off, stood a plain white dresser.

The woman laughed. “The past few days it's been a team effort to keep you away from the storms at night. Now then, up, up! Group can't start without you!" She exited through the pine door, blanket in arms.

Lilly pushed her body up and out of the small bed. Her thin, pale legs seemed to blend in with the white of the sheets.

Group. Wonderful.

She scowled and rose out of bed, walking feebly to the dresser. She slid out of the satin nightgown, revealing the silver scars that decorated her stomach and thighs. Careful not to look down, Lilly closed her eyes and picked the dress off of the ground. It still held the fragrance of a fresh rain. Adam...

His image appeared, strong and beautiful. He spoke. "Come on! It won't hurt you!"

She shuddered, and he disappeared. Hurriedly she pulled out the Aramath red sweats.

***

There was a window in the conference room at Aramath. It stood above the center couch, red curtains blending in with the red sweatshirts of two girls sitting closer together than Lilly imagined comfortably possible.

The girl on the right looked heavyset and was almost in tears, blonde hair covering her face. "I'm not sure why I even bothered with my mom. All she ever did was introduce me to..." Suddenly she burst into tears.

"It's alright, Allie." The girl sitting next to her, much smaller in stature, grabbed her hand. "My mom was never there either."

A middle-aged woman spoke. "Thank you for sharing with us this time, Allie. As you all know, it's important that everybody participates. Lilly, you haven't spoken in a week."

The window was open. A gentle breeze came through, barely upsetting the curtains. Even so, the redolence of a rain danced through and into the room. The sky was cloudy and dark.

"Lilly?" A deep voice from beside her said her name.

She couldn't hear the boy call her name.

Adam...

Lilly stood up and walked to the door, towards the field, unable to hear the muffled laughter of the girls around her, the boy's voice, or the footsteps of the woman following.

***

"Lilly Waters, I'm so glad to see you this week."

Lilly sat at the edge of the white chair, back perked straight, hands folded in her lap. She stared at the gaunt face in front of her with a forced smile on her face. Like the rest of the home, the office was off white. While it was small, Lilly never felt cramped. Today, however, was different.

"Yeah, it's a pleasure to work with you again."

"I see you've enjoyed the beginning of the rainy season here at Aramath."

"You could say that, sir."

"You've gone out twice to see the rain, once in the middle of the night during a storm. You realize how dangerous that could have been?"

"I was fine."

"Lilly, you were passed out. Do you know how lucky you are that Shelly was able to get you back inside this afternoon before the rain started?"

She clenched her teeth. "Dr. Martin, I was fine."

"You know you're one of our..." He paused to push up his glasses and looked to the right, searching for the most delicate wording. "More troublesome patients. For three months we've tried to make progress, and for three months we've gotten nowhere." He rubbed his forehead; his glasses slid down.

"I'm aware."

He pushed his glasses back up and took a deep breath in, resting his hand on his chin. "What draws you to the rain, Lilly?"

Lilly's hands unclasped. "I... I really don't know."

"Take a moment to think about it."

She paused. Adam...

The tiniest smile appeared on her lips. No, I can't let them know...

"It's the scent. It reminds me of somebody, and then all other senses go numb."

"Who does it remind you of?"

"Somebody I used to know. His name was Adam." She sunk into her seat and looked down. His smile came to mind.

"What happened to Adam? Why did you use past tense?"

"I don't know. I don't really remember him. Just the scent." She caught herself before she said too much.

***

He stood in the doorway, smiling at her. At six foot one, he came up close to the top of the wood trimming. Striking blue eyes were complimented by the brown hair waving gracefully down his face. Lilly felt herself smile feebly as she sat up.

"Hello there, Angel," his cracking voice crooned. "What are you doing in bed so late? Rough night?"

Her voice shook. Was it fear? "Yeah. I...” She stumbled for an excuse. “I just couldn't sleep for a while."

Sensually, he sauntered over to her and sat down by her feet. "Is something wrong, Lilly?"

She shook her head. "No. Not at all. Nothing you can't fix, anyways." After a deep breath, she turned her head to him.

Piercing blue eyes stared straight back. He drew closer. "I love you, Lilly. More than you'll ever realize."

"I love you too."

He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. A flash. Lilly opened her eyes.

The graying doctor was kneeling down, raindrops dripping down the stubble on his cheek. "Lilly, didn't we talk about going out into the middle of storms in our last session? You're giving our nurses a hard time. You don't want that, do you?"

"What happened to Adam?"

His thin eyebrows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

Reality dawned on her as she pushed herself to a sitting position. "I must've fallen asleep out here and dreamed of him. I'm sorry." Quickly she rose to her feet, and her sight blackened. Her body swayed. "May I go inside now? I'm freezing."

"Yes, of course. Alice, take her in and help her bathe. She's wobbling. Shelly, will you come with me?"

The old woman with the beady eyes waddled to Lilly from the screen door, black umbrella in hand. "Come on, dear, you can rest your weight on me. Let's get you warmed up."

Lilly walked herself back into the home.

***

The cafeteria walls weren't white. Instead, to match with the checked linoleum, they were a light mint. The color always cheered her up. Maybe it was the complete turnaround from the white and red scheme that infiltrated the rest of the home, down to the clothes they were forced to wear. Lilly grabbed her tomato soup with a smile on her face.

There was another reason why the room had always been her favorite. The room was only slightly monitored, even though it held all five of the wings at Aramath at a time. Though actions were always watched, words were free.

It had been three days since she had been in the cafeteria. Actually, it had been three days since she had gone out of her room for anything other than an emergency session with her doctor. She scanned the room for a place to sit.

"Lilly!" a strong voice called her from behind. She glanced over her shoulder. The boy was sitting alone at the furthest table, his deep brown hair in curls. "You can sit with me. If you want, that is."

As she walked to him, nearly fifty pairs of eyes turned towards Lilly, glaring. Muffled whispers surrounded her. A boy of about 13 threw a piece of his grilled cheese sandwich at her, yelling. "What are you trying to fake now?" he heckled. "Schizophrenia, now? On top of suicide?" He threw another. A girl with ratted mousy-brown hair giggled, her face reddening.

Lilly sat down by the curly-haired boy, shaking the bowl of soup as she tried to set it down. He took it from her hands and set it down. "Careful Lilly. You're shaking."

"Thanks, Thomas." She looked down at the pasty red soup. Her stomach clenched.

"You can use my spoon if you want." He set it in the bowl. Carefully, she began to stir.

He cleared his throat. "I've been really worried about you. You haven't been in school at all. You wouldn't talk in group, and finally you stopped coming."

"I haven't been feeling well." She took a spoonful of the soup.

"People are talking about maybe... maybe you're making up disorders." He scratched the top of his head and looked to Lilly.

Bowing her head lower, she muttered, "So I've heard."

"I don't really believe it myself." A feeble smile spread from his lips.

She looked up at his eyes. The warm brown was genuine. "Thanks." She smiled back.

"I know we aren't supposed to talk about our issues with each other outside of group, but I'm curious." He paused for a second, taking Lilly's hand in his own. "Why do you go out into the storms?" He spoke tenderly, unveiling a concern that was true. Affection streamed through his touch. She knew she could trust him.

***

Darker than any other night previous, the clouds appeared more ominous. Rain scent was rich in the air, taunting her. The storm was nearing. More consciously than before, she slid out the door of her room and traveled to the screen door, hiding in the shadows. Despite her keen awareness, she didn't notice the boy following her out to the field.

She threw her body to the grass, kneeling down, and closed her eyes. She waited for the drops of saline to remind her of the one she used to love. A few yards away, a boy about Lilly's age with deep brown curly hair was watching the sky, waiting for a drop of rain.

With the first drop of rain, Lilly could see his face. The expression was different. The blue eyes looked almost red; the smile on his face, devilish.

"Come on, Lilly. I won't hurt you."

With a flash of lightning, she was pushed onto her back. She felt the rain fall on her cheeks as tears escaped down. She felt hands run up and down her body. She cringed.

"It won't hurt. It'll feel good." He leaned over and kissed her gently. "You'll like it, I promise."

"No," she whimpered. "Please, God, no."

Another bolt streaked across the sky, and a searing pain came over her body. She gasped for words but found none. Without control, her body started shaking. A cry of pain flew out of her mouth. The curly haired boy ran over to her.

"Lilly! Lilly?" He grabbed her in his arms and held her close, trying to stop the spasms but to no avail. A look of terror cemented on her face, she could not move.

The rain was falling harder, obstructing the boy’s vision and falling into Lilly's mouth. Her face was slowly turning blue. He put one arm behind her knees and the other behind her head, cradling her as if she was a small child. Cautiously, he ran to the screen door, pushed it open, and placed the frail body on the couch.

"Lilly, please, breathe." His left hand found its way to her cheek. Her eyes blinked. She turned her head to face him.

"Get the fuck away from me, Adam." The words were barely audible.

She closed her eyes. The boy took his hand away from her face, but he didn't leave her side. He watched as her chest rose and fell with breath.

"Lilly, it's Thomas," he whispered. "It's okay. I'm here."

Lilly turned her head to face Thomas and opened her eyes. Suddenly, tears spurted out. She reached out to him, grasping his waist, pulling him in. Carefully, Thomas sat her up and sat down next to her, stroking her back. Between the sobs, he heard her say, "He raped me."

Out of instinct, he pulled her in closer. "You're alright now. He's gone."

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.09.2009

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