Borrowed Time

She draws beautiful pictures, but her pen is a knife and her paper is her skin. Her tears fall with no one to wipe. She feels alone. Summer POV
My name is Summer, and I have one more year to live. Did you know that there are so many ways to die? One way is cancer: What is cancer? Cancer: A malignant and invasive growth or tumor caused by abnormal cell masses, tending to recur after excision and to metastasize to other sites. 1.2 million Americans are diagnosed with it every year. Annually, 500,000 people in the United States... they die from it. And 13% of people that die every year, die from cancer. Cancer has a track record that goes on longer than possibly imaginable, but it's still here today and there's still no definite cure. So when someone falls into its clutches, not much good comes out of it. It ruins lives. It puts out love like rain puts out a fire. And it doesn't stop to realize the damage it’s doing. I am one of the 1.2 million. I have one more year to live, and then I will die. I’m not scared, but I don’t like how people are always pitying me. I don’t like telling people about my sickness because they think that I am weak. When I was younger my best friend, Lauren, betrayed me. She was the only one who knew I had cancer, but then one day she told everyone, and people started acting strange around me. They always talked bad about me. One day Lauren, my best friend, said something to me in front of everyone. She said “You like being pitied don’t you? That’s why you told everyone that you have cancer right? Just to make yourself feel better right? Well I’m sick of being your friend and always having to have to help you. I hate how you get all the attention. I’m human too!”
I didn’t say anything to her. She was my best friend and I cherished her a lot. I didn’t know that having cancer didn’t just affect me, but also all the people around me. Everyone was staring at us. I still remember that day as clearly as yesterday. That was the first day I cut myself. I drew an heart on my wrist. I remember the pain, but at the same time I didn’t feel it. I was numb from the throbbing pain in my heart. I thought if I cut myself then maybe everything would be better. I was wrong. I remember how whenever I cut myself I just hated myself even more than before. No one ever looked at me again. They turned away. I felt horrible. My own parents didn’t have time for me. They were always on the phone talking about my condition or chatting with other people. I felt alone all the time. Where could I turn for someone to see me? This was my last year of high school, and I should’ve enjoyed it. I was invisible though.

Right now is night time, and my parents are not home. Again I am alone. It is so dark and I was feeling horrible. I did the only thing I could think of. I cut myself. I took my pocket knife from under my bed, and this time I carved a random design onto my wrist. I watched as the blood seeped out. Tomorrow school will begin again. I don’t want to go. There will be no one to talk to, and no one to hang out with. I wish Lauren had never told anyone. She even blamed me for telling everyone, but I wasn’t the one who told. She was. Saying that I was the one who told everyone, that I had cancer. I never told my parents about that fight. They don’t know I have no friends, but that’s okay cause I’ve already given them a lot of trouble. There is no need to cause any more trouble for them. When will I find a way to speak my heart out? When will I find someone who is like me? Who knows what’s it’s like to be alone?

I hurry to grab a bandage from my closet and wrap up my wrist. I’ve been thinking. I went through a lot trying to get better from cancer, but I still didn’t get better. In the end I’m going to die!

I remember all the vomiting and nausea when I started chemo. My hair fell out and I wore a wig to school for a long period of time. I did everything for nothing. It’s not like I wanted cancer. I didn’t get cancer for the attention. I’d rather be a nobody without cancer than a somebody with cancer.

I look outside my window, and decide to go out on a midnight stroll on the beach. As I walk outside a cool breeze blows against my face. My hair is waving wildly behind me. I shouldn’t be out, but I don’t see anyone stopping me, so I go on. I get to the beach in a few minutes, and it is beautiful. The moon is reflecting on the water. It is surprisingly calming here. I watch the black water lapping at the shores, as if taking a bit of my soul with it each time the water washes away. In the distance I hear an owl hooting. It feels a bit haunting. I feel lost, but also whole at the same time. I wish I could go back in time. When I had no cancer, and I could call my life perfect.

Lauren

I still remember three years ago when I was fourteen, I had a friend. Her name was Summer. She was outgoing and was friendly to everyone, but then she was diagnosed with cancer. The day she told me I was crushed, why did my best friend get cancer? She was such a amazing person. She was my best friend, but I couldn’t help but feel jealous. Everyone was so nice to her while they bossed me around. They told me to do everything for her. Summer didn’t tell anyone about her cancer at school, so I decided to tell for her. Then I had that fight with her. It was horrible. I blamed her for telling but actually I was the one who told everyone. She moved away that summer. I cried for what seemed an eternity I couldn’t believe that I had been so cruel to her. It’s not like she wanted cancer. Well today is the first day of my third year in high school, and do you know who I saw walk through the doors this morning? It was Summer. I am not mistaken. I know her face too well. I ruined her life, is she back for revenge? She’s in school now. She must be better!

Summer
My first class was English and when I entered the classroom the teacher, Ms. Blake, immediately introduced me to the class.

“Summer, honey, you can sit in the back next to Lauren.” She said to me.
I lifted my eyes to the girl the teacher was pointing at, and my blood ran cold. It was Lauren, my former best friend. I shifted uncomfortably, but I slowly made my way to the seat next to her. I knew by the look on her face she recognized me even after three years. We didn’t talk during class at all.

**LUNCH**

OK so I hadn’t made any new friends yet, because apparently Lauren is the IT girl here. If she doesn’t talk to me, neither will anyone else. Well I don’t plan on being close to anyone because I am dying. I waited in line as more students piled into the cafeteria. When it was my turn at the cash register the lady looked at me and said “New, right?”

I nodded at her and she rang up my food. I looked around holding my tray. I decided to sit in the corner. I quickly gobbled my food down before going outside, and escaping everyone else. I still had half an hour before my next class started. Outside it was breezy but calm. I went to the football field to watch the games the boys were playing. I knew that they would go to the football field during lunch. There are always a few boys playing there. It’s fun to watch them. I sat in the corner not meant to be seen, but a ball came flying at me and I was hit. A cute looking boy ran over to me apologizing. I told him it was fine, but from the look on his face he still felt guilty. I didn’t walk away though, and I’m not one to keep grudges.

I texted my mom telling her that I decided to stay after school today. As I thought, she didn’t even bother to reply. I shook my head, and a loud, curious voice startled me. “Why are you shaking your head?” The voice asked. I looked up and saw the cute boy from before. This time he wasn’t alone. I felt my cheeks blush. He laughed at the sight of me blushing, but that just made me flush all the more. “It’s nothing” I say. All the boys except one give a low chuckle. The one boy didn’t even crack a smile. He looked at me with this look that told me he knew something was wrong. I tried to look away but his green eyes drew me towards him. “Oh I’m Brandon by the way. That’s Jared, Tyler, Drake, and Drew” He said while pointing at each boy. Drew was the one who didn’t laugh. He had dirty blond hair. He caught me gazing at him and stared right back at me. I suddenly felt self-conscious. The bell rang breaking the silence. The boys waved their goodbyes and ran off to class. All except Drew. “Your name is Summer right?” He asked.

“Yes.” I said quite surprised that he knew my name.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I said.
“You’re lying.”

I didn’t answer him. He looked at me quizzically. I turned away because his hard stares made me feel uneasy.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re lying. I’m just stating a fact.” He suddenly spoke.

I nodded my head and waved my hand, while getting up and running to class. Shoot cancer made me get tired so easily. I barely ran for a minute and I’m already super tired. I got to class right before the second bell rang. The first bell was a warning bell (thank goodness).
Lauren
Summer got to class just in time. Who was she with? How could she be late? From next to me I heard a few other girl whispering. One blonde girl said “Did you hear? That girl Summer already has the five after her! I saw them together at lunch.”

“Seriously?” The other girl with brown hair asked.

The girl nodded. I gasped and they turned to me.

“Lauren! OMG sorry we didn’t like let you into our conversation.”

“It’s okay,” I mumbled to them.

How could Summer already have the five rapped around her fingers? She’s barely been here for a day! I could feel the familiar twinge of jealously return. Why is Summer back? Why couldn’t the new student have been some random Asian girl ? Why her? Has she come back to take all that was mine again? When Summer left I got really popular, but now she’s back. I guess it’s karma. I hate this. No! I am thinking towards the wrong direction. I should pretend to be her friend then kick her down. She deserves it. I start to walk towards her while she is looking for something in her locker.

“Summer?” I say in my most normal voice. She jumped a little.

“Lauren?” she said in a quiet voice.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I heard whispering from the other students. I heard little bits of what they were saying. “New girl, popular, Lauren, what’s the girl’s name?” Stuff like that.

“Is something wrong?” She says, her voice quivering ever so slightly, betraying her braveness to even speak to me.

“Nothing's wrong just wanted to say sorry for what I did in the past. Can we be friends again?”

Her eyes brightened and her lips turned up.

“Why not?”

I recoiled slightly, . I didn’t think she would say okay so easily. Her eyes darkened, or should I say saddened a little when I stepped back. I smiled a quick smile then told her goodbye. I shuffled away unsure if my choice was right.

Days past and we were getting closer and closer. The year went on quickly and smoothly. I even found myself not wanting to go anywhere without her. I guess even after the fight we had we still had that spark of friendship in us. The five even came and hung out with us a lot throughout the year. I guess being with Summer really had its ups. One day I got a call from her. She was crying. “Summer what’s wrong?” I asked.

“My p-parents. Th-th-they l-left without me. They don’t w-want me a-anymore.” She stuttered.”

“Where are you?” I asked.

“A-at the p-park.”

“Stay there. I’m coming OK?”
“‘Kay” She answered and then the line went dead.

I ran fast. Why would her parents leave her? I thought they loved her. Don’t parents love their kids? I saw her as I got closer to the park. She wasn’t alone though, Drew was there. He was on the phone. Probably talking to the other four telling them to come.

“Summer what’s wrong?”

“M-my parents. They left. I-I think it’s because I’m going to die.I should already be dead!” She cried.

“Why?” I asked.

“Chemo failed.” Was all she said.


Drew and I, we couldn’t say anything. We didn’t know what we could do. I doubt Drew even knew that she had gone through chemo or cancer at that.

“Shush. It’s going to be OK.” Drew whispered.

“No! it’s not. I’m living on borrowed time. What have I left? I could die in a day for all I know!”

She cried hysterically. As she wiped her tears her sleeve pulled up a bit, and what I saw was dreadful.

Drew
I saw it. Her sleeves had inched up. It was horrid! Her wrist was covered in scars! How could I not have known. I hugged her as she cried on my shirt. Her parents just left her! What kind of parents are they? They should have been with her till the end! I heard a lot of footsteps from behind and I turned. The others were here.
We spent the whole day trying to cheer her up and it worked. We were at my house partying, well not really but trying to make it seem like a party, when Summer fell asleep. As she slept I told the boys what I had heard, and Lauren told us everything else. I carried Summer into my bed and let her sleep. The boys and I talked throughout the night, while Summer slept. Not knowing what to do for her.

The next day she had a horrid fever, and a week later she still wasn’t better. I let her stay at my house the whole time but she wasn’t ever feeling better. Finally we decided to take her to the hospital. The doctors all said it was time. There was no helping her. I nearly cried hearing this. I’ve barely known her for a year, but she’s like one of us. She can’t just leave us! Three days after the doctor had said there was no hope each of us had gotten a call from the hospital. It was time to say goodbye. We were all gathered around her. Tears streaming from our eyes. Yes, even us guys. She was a like a sister to us. Maybe even more. We told her we loved her, and that we would never forget her. I feel so bad. After everything I found out that I barely knew anything. I never saw her cuts. I didn’t save her, but I should have. Now it’s too late.

Summer
Time has passed so quickly. I was feeling weaker and weaker by the second. Right now I am surrounded by the people I love most. They say sweet things to me and fill my heart. My tears cascaded. It’s the end.
I hear their words, but my eyes are starting to close and I am getting tired. The last thing I whisper to them is I love you guys. I know I am nearly dead. I know it all too well, but what hurts the most is that I can still hear them.
They say when you die you see everything you’ve been through. It’s a lie. You don’t see what you have already done. You see what you will never get to be and feel. I cry.

Word count: 2853

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.07.2012

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