“Ok ma’m, if you just sign here and here you start the process of preparing for the simulation.” The young lady behind the counter smiled with her plastic surgery lips. One more run under the knife and she’d be able to blink her eyelids. I scribbled my signature on the dotted line that her polished claw was hovering over. I’d been at this now for 2 hours and let’s just say my nerves were on edge. I hated plastic receptionist Barbie and I hated all this damn paper work.
I wondered if this was what it had been like to buy a car back in the day. My grandma always told horror stories about being harassed into a car that was out of your price range then sitting for hours upon hours while you signed your life away to buy a piece of machinery that would eventually burn out or burst into flames or whatever cars of the 21st century used to do.
I closed my eyes while, what was her name? Barbie? No… Susan, Sally, Sue? The hell with it, Barbie, looked into her electronic note pad, 10 to 1 there was a picture of her boyfriend, Ken, instead of paperwork there. Do I really want to do this, I asked myself? It sounded so sweet ‘Live out your wildest dreams in a simulation so real, you won’t remember your previous life’! The advertisements looked fun and adventurous. For the length of one week you could be whoever you wanted to be. I’d done tons of research making sure the process was totally safe.
Step 1: decide what kind of simulation you want to be in. Check. I figured that simulations were kind of like movies and I had watched movies since I was a child. My whole family loved movies; I was raised on them. We weren’t in the movie business, no, we just loved to escape our mediocre lives for that short time and enjoy someone else’s more fun, more exciting lives. Somehow watching movies always made life feel right. I had decided on a simulation with suspense and action something that wouldn’t normally happen to anyone like me. I was a single, white, medium height, mousy blonde with a little pudge around her mid-drift. I wanted something that was basically the exact opposite of my current life now.
While I waited impatiently for the finale to this horrific process, the air filter whirled gently in the room as fresh oxygen was pumped into the air. Although the gray steel walls released the cooling air that sustained the temperature at an even 76 degrees, I felt hot. My face felt like it was beet red; a fact that I’m sure amused perfect Barbie to no end. My hair was slicked to my head wrestled into a ponytail, in an attempt to keep a civilized look to the growing frenzy of curls that sprung up once exposed to the humid, hot weather of the 22nd century.
I saw through the anti-ultraviolet shaded windows that air traffic had slowed to a crawl once again. How many hundreds of years will humans have to work to get rid of traffic problems? They thought they had the problem solved with mass transit, which failed. Then came the air-mobile, which was of course wildly famous and quickly the air was crowded bumper to bumper, so to speak. The air cars were more of a bubble than the old steel machines that ruled the roadways. And once again, five o’clock traffic reigned.
“Ma’m?” Barbie said curiously. I snapped my head back to her perfectly coifed fake blond hair and brightly made up eyelids.
“Yes”. I sat up straighter in the metal chair.
“I was saying that we’re all finished here.” A smile broke out on her botoxed lips and a tiny bit of lipstick stained her perfectly white teeth. HAH! I knew that no one could be that perfect. “Now, here is your list of training days with your trainer Herman. He will be waiting for you on Monday the 5th, does that work for you?” She actually looked like she was looking straight through me, Oh, I’m sorry is your JOB boring you? I thought defensively to myself. “Yes, that’s fine.” I said out loud, straightening my back and put on my best smile, for some unknown reason, I was trying to win her attention. “I work out how many days a week?”
“Well, it will have to be 4 times a week, 8 hours a day, if you want to be prepared by 20th. You’ve signed up for a very physically demanding simulation.” She moved to the shelf and took down a silver e-book and handed it to me. “Here are the dietary recommendations, some web based knowledge that you will need to know for the simulation and the waivers and legal papers that you’ve signed today. Since we didn’t have to time go over them in detail today, it is suggested that you read them in more detail when your at home.” She began to sound like an automated response machine. Doling out the same information 20 times a day must get kind of robotic. I almost felt sorry for her, and then my eye caught the curve of her enormous surgically enhanced breast and all sympathy fled. Screw her, how dare she look that good and expect sympathy from me. I reached out for the pro-offered ‘book’ but she kept hold, apparently not finished with her well-rehearsed closing statements. “Now, as you know, you can repeat the simulation if you fail at any time. But the price will remain the same. Preparation is in your hands, so study hard.” She smiled again and amazingly enough the lipstick stain had vanished, damn, no fair.
I once found out that I had a smudge on my teeth from lipstick when I got home from work, and the next day at work, my cubicle buddy smiled and said, ‘finally decided to brush your teeth huh?’ I don’t really like her. What the hell, some people just aren’t meant to be perfect. Finally the silver e-book was mine and I began to make a run for the door, but my butt had fallen asleep. I limped awkwardly toward the door. I looked back to say good-bye to Barbie, I could have sworn she was trying desperately not to laugh. I put on my best Barbie doll smile and nodded graciously to the room. Hoping that she caught all the sarcasm I could throw with that smile.
When I got home, I looked at the menacing silver e-book. Inside this book was everything I needed to know in order to solve the problem of the simulation, whatever it may be. I could take it into the movie with me, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to see what my mediocre mind could do in a situation that was totally off the map. I promised myself and the silver e-book I would read it every night and memorize the facts so I would be completely prepared for my day at the simulation. With Step 2, horrific signing of paperwork, completed, I was excited about Step 3: Preparation phase.


Chapter 2: Preparation Phase

I raced to the subway, a.k.a: smelly underground air-train that seemed a bit ironic since your underground and all. But when your desperately poor and late, underground air-train is the best way to travel. I ran down the steps, careful not to touch the walls, rails or look anyone directly in the eye.
Underground travel has become the travel of the poor, and although I’m not rich I did shower this morning and my clothes aren’t ragged. Translation, I’m a gold mine to the homeless. One good case of eye contact can get you a one-way ticket to being mugged and bonus for the lucky ones, a trip to the hospital for intensive care, or the unlucky a quick death. I arrived just as I had hoped and caught the train headed to the general neighborhood of the gym. Lucky break for me.
As the doors were closing I caught sight of a businessman accidentally touching the ratty jacket of a man, as the man looked up the businessman turned his head. Eye contact was immanent, I almost shouted, “don’t look directly at him” but the automated doors whizzed shut almost catching my nose in them. As the train started to move I saw the horror of the businessman as the ragged jacket guy pulled a gun on him. I squeezed my eyes shut ‘Lord help him’. I said silently. With a deep breath and a sigh of regret I looked forward. I would have called 911 but the police have given up on the underground air train. They actually have disclaimers posted on the stairwells “ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK”.
I silently rehearsed some of the information I had stayed up studying the night before the inner workings of the CIA. I had skimmed over the boring disclosures but then my eye caught the icon for languages. I was to learn, Russian. I had never had a tongue for languages but the memory chip helped. Every day at lunch and on my way to and from work I played the chip in my I-phone. The best part is that my I-phone is small like the old hearing aids. So no one knows I’m doing it, I’m already becoming stealthy.
The memory chip is said to accelerate the process of memorization, it plays the messages over and over again, kind of like a subliminal message. I didn’t have to learn the entire language, just some of the few key phrases that I should know.
I closed my eyes and started to mouth the phrases in Russian. I looked up when the train slowed to a stop. A man’s face was mere inches away. I felt my eyes start to pop from my head. The no eye contact rule had just flown out the window. What now, I couldn’t think of anything stealthy so I held my breath. The old man moved in a little closer. Oh, God please don’t kiss me! He began to sneer a little then with a loud booming voice he shouted, “BOO!” With an explosion of horridly bad breath he began to laugh. As he laughed he tipped backwards on his heels, I took the opportunity to sprint out the open automated doors to the freedom of the sticky underground tunnel. So long, psycho. With my head down I made my way to the blissfully sweet, humid hot air of the outside world.
I made my way to the address on the e-book. 1425 W. Xalan St. Never been in this neighborhood before. It was also known as Uptown. In my lingo, Rich Town, Snob Hill, in other words, a little out of my price range. As I walked the directions the e-book gave me I looked at the grand houses and rich stores that I’d heard about but never been in - Sac 5th Avenue, Macy’s.
I had saved up for 3 years to be in the simulation. When I say ‘saved up’ it means that I barely ate in order to come up with the $150,000.00 it cost me, plus the money I had to save in order to take a month off of work. 4 weeks of training and 1 week of ‘absolute mind blowing action’, according to the advertisement.
My friends and family think that it’s ridiculous to pay more than half my annual salary for what comes out to roughly 1 week of my life. But, I’m hoping for a transformation that will chase the mediocrity right out of me. I’m tired of being in the middle; middle of my class, middle of my career, middle of my salary range, middle, middle, middle. I’m tired of it. I want adventure, I want to change my life and I believe that this is the beginning of a new me, whatever the cost. For some reason my friends and family think I’m insane. Yeah, I kind-of don’t blame them but it’s worth a shot.
Before I knew it I was at the address, 1425 Xalan was staring me in the face. It was a Do-Jo studio. Karate? Shit, I hate hand-to-hand combat. I took a deep breath realizing that soon the moves that I learn in this studio would save my life in the simulation. I took another deep breath and put my hand on the doorknob to the studio. For some reason the door wouldn’t open, my hand just sat there on the doorknob, I guess it was waiting for my courage to catch up. Apparently, it had gotten lost on the air-train. “Come on, it won’t be that bad.” I said, feeling like I was mommy to my baby courage and had to talk it into coming along to kick some ass.
I’d never been the brave type, surprise, surprise. I hated snowball fights; I could barely handle a rough conversation. Suddenly, I felt like killing myself. Well, this is the perfect place for committing suicide, more than likely the exercise alone would do me in. The door handle moved with my hand and suddenly I was immersed in the world of Karate. The room was dimly lit and the smell of incense filled my nostrils. I gave my eyes a minute to adjust and moved forward. I looked around and saw the mat where the torture would begin. Along the walls were Chinese symbols and other objects that were beyond my comprehension.
No-one seemed to be home, I took a few tentative steps forward and out of nowhere a man dressed in black sprung from behind a giant phicus plant and scared the shit right out of me. I flashed back to my air-train experience, I was in mid turn to run for the door when a hand grabbed the back of my jacket and I was thrown onto the mat. This is it; I’m going to die. Who, I wondered abstractly, would take care of my cat?
“Hi!” the voice said, “you can open your eyes now, you’re safe.” The voice was oddly happy. He was actually going to enjoy killing me. I closed my eyes tighter before the words that he had spoken reached my brain. Safe? He said I was safe. I opened one eye apprehensively; he was standing above me with his right hand outstretched. “Come on, I promise.” Without my total agreement my other eye opened and my hand reached out to his. “Hi,” he said again, “I’m Herman, your trainer.” He smiled and suddenly, as he yanked me up effortlessly, I did feel safe.
“Hi.” I said while he looked in my eyes. He stared at me for a full minute. Then he stepped back and thoughtfully and methodically looked up and down my entire body, stopped and staring at certain parts then slowly moving on. I felt like I should start dancing with a spot light. Needless to say, I was getting uncomfortable. “Hello, I’m up here.” I crossed my arms over my breasts, which felt bare.
“Oh, I know where you are. I am assessing your strength and agility. You’ve chosen a very physically demanding simulation and I want to know exactly what your strengths and weakness are so I know where to begin.” Again, his blue eyes reached mine. Nice trip boys? I wondered to myself.
“I hate to ask, but what do you think?”
He smirked at my obvious self hatred, “Not bad, but we have a lot to do.” I think he sensed my disappointment, “Not that unusual. Most people need a lot of work, especially for these types of simulations. So, lets get started. First some basic rules, this training is important. As you know when you are in the simulation you will probably get hurt. People will be after you trying to kill you and you need to know how to defend yourself. You will have the panic button and someone will be monitoring your progress so that if you do start to die…” I literally felt my eyes explode from my head, “fail,” he quickly corrected, “the simulation will stop and the team will, uhm, work to get you back.” He paused, looking at me questioningly. “Didn’t you read the disclosures?” Disclosures? I asked my mind still filled with the word DIE. It kept floating around in my brain, when it bumped into my skull, it seemed to shout out again, DIE, bounce, bounce, DIE. I shook my head to get the word to come out or shut up. Disclosures? Oh, yeah, I had kind of skipped those wanting to get to the good stuff.
“Huh, disclosures, no. But, it’s on my to-do list.” Yeah, like immediately when I leave here.
“Well, you may want to read those over.” He shook his head and began to walk over to the couch. “Come on, we need to get started.” Finally, something I recognized a comfy cozy couch. I almost skipped over, couching I could do. I practiced every night, daily. It was a routine of mine to couch every night from seven to nine pm. I was an expert ‘coucher’. I sat down and shifted my weight so I was perfectly cozy and comfy. Slowly my muscles began to relax. “Ok,” Herman began again, “so as I was saying, this training is important, so we need to customize it to your body type and style, otherwise it won’t take. We will be doing a lot of different types of workouts, plus combat fighting.”
“Oh, yeah, I was wondering. Can we not do the fighting part? I really have never been very good at hand-to-hand combat…” I stopped in mid sentence. Herman’s mouth was hanging open and his eyes read disbelief. “What?” I asked incredibly, “You said to tailor it to my style, and I’m just saying that hand-to-hand, isn’t…exactly…my…” I stopped; Herman’s eyes were locked on mine, his read sympathy. I closed my eyes and a small tear almost escaped my eye. Ok, that was stupid, I thought to myself, you signed up for a heavy action simulation. Combat is involved, you’ve watched the movies and you knew what was coming. Ok, regroup, you can do this. “What I mean is,” I cleared my throat, trying desperately to clear my thoughts, “can we move slowly into the combat parts?”
His smile reached his eyes, “Sure.” He casually placed his hand on my knee in a comforting gesture. I don’t think he felt it, but I swear an electric shock when through my whole system. After a second the connection was broken when he moved his hand to grab his training e-book. “I took the liberty to put my e-book onto a memory stick. That way the information will come more naturally. I like to teach with doing. There is theory to what we are studying, but given the time we have… 3 weeks, right?” I nodded, still a little numb from the touch. “Ok, then today we’ll start light and, slowly” he paused to smile at me, “move into the combat,” the smile got bigger, “stuff.” I found myself calmer and smiled back. Courage had worked its way into the studio, a little frazzled but here nonetheless.
Herman told me the rest of the rules. No shoes on the mat, bow before entering the do-jo (apparently a fancy name for the mat) always be on time, blah, blah, blah. The second part of the rules was a little unexpected. Apparently, when he said he liked to train by ‘doing’ he meant it. He explained to me that when I enter the studio, I should expect to begin my training immediately. Since the simulation I had chosen was an action adventure, and as he explained people would be trying to kill me, gulp, Herman would be starting the training with some sort of attack.
I felt like I was in the old classic movie “The Pink Panther” upon second thought, Herman sort of looked like Kato, uhm. Naw, Kato had black hair and Herman’s was more brown/blonde. I don’t remember Kato’s eyes but I’m pretty sure they weren’t blue with specks of yellow in them. Not to mention that Kato would have to be about 300 years old and Herman looked to be in his late 30’s, just like me. Interesting. I was thrust back into reality when Herman said the three words I had been dreading since I walked into the studio. “Let’s get started!” I put on my brave face and stood up.
“Where do I put my stuff?” I still had my purse and jacket on over my sweats and T-shirt.
“You can leave it on the couch. You’re my only client for the rest of the month. We’re starting out slow tonight; tomorrow is when we’ll really get going. We have about 2 hours left. In the future you’re going to want to wear shorts. It gives us more visualization of what you’re doing when you do the moves and it’s a lot cooler, I hope you expected to sweat, cause your going to.”
“OK”, I said out loud while moaning to myself, time to start shaving again. I shed my coat and my purse, discretely hiding my purse under my coat. Old habits are hard to break. I slipped off my shoes and bowed acqwardly before stepping onto the mat.
“OK, lets begin. It is customary to bow to each other as a sign of respect for your opponent, obviously during the simulation you WILL NOT be bowing to someone that is trying to ki---hurt you” He said as he bowed to me with his hands straight as his side, I mimicked his movements. “Good, now the basic stance is feet spread apart and hands in blocking motion. We will practice

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.09.2011
ISBN: 978-3-86479-224-3

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
To Jerry; who always makes me feel beautiful