I am in a funny kind of mood right now. Ok, it may be caused by medication, because I’m sick and have to take a whole bunch of pills. Lets hope they really work someday!

Point being is that I am way too knackered (and high) to do anything useful or strenuous, so I am reduced to sitting around and passing time. And that with a party, a children’s play and truckloads of university work I am actually supposed to be at/doing. But never mind. Body decided it needed a break and apparently this is the only way that mind would understand it. They’re having issues, those two.

Back to me lying around doing nothing useful. So far I have sorted out some not-so-good pictures of my lolcat collection (icanhascheezburger.com, if anyone’s interested) and watched telly. And that was thoroughly exhausting me. This just to illustrate my rather weak state of mind at the moment. Scrubs was too challenging. I mean, what?

So here I am listening to my new play list entitled “quiet slow love songs I can listen to without wanting to throw up”. No, seriously, it’s called just that! It is a really short play list, because usually I really cannot stand slow and quiet songs, let alone slow and quiet love songs. But my head is too sore to listen to my usual stuff. This ominous play list includes exactly three titles:

Dead by Sunrise: In the Darkness
Sarah Brightman: This Love
Gustave Santaolalla: The Wings

They have probably nothing in common at all: the guy from Linkin Park, THE Sarah Brightman and the dude from the “Brokeback Mountain” soundtrack.

No, wait, they do have something in common. Every time I listen to either of those songs, I feel so incredibly lonely that it’s beyond creative description. Which is why I usually do not listen to those songs. Or at least only once in a while, and only to one of them. However, being sick and not in my right mind and full of flu medication, I have now been listening to them non-stop for the last hour. Imagine how I feel!

It feels like somebody broke up with me while I was down with the flu. Which is funny, because the Dead by Sunrise and the Brokeback Mountain one are actually rather positive songs (judging from the lyrics).

Usually this is the point in my lil self realisation essays where I realise something about myself or the world and society in general (which sometimes only holds true for me, but never mind; since there are hardly people reading my stories anyway (I appreciate each single one of you!), I figured it doesn’t matter so much).

The only thing I realise right now is that you really shouldn’t listen to songs that make you feel bad if you already are feeling bad. Normally this works; some psychological phenomenon: you want the world around you to be as you feel, reflect your inner state of mind and body so to speak, so the depressed ones like it gloomy, the happy ones like it sunny and so on.

Point being is that if you are say heartbroken, you want to listen to heartbreakingly sad songs because then you feel understood. If you are feeling angry, you want to listen to aggressive songs because so you can let out your aggressions in a way which won’t hurt anybody.

However, and finally I do come up with some sort of a conclusion, horray for me, there is a “feeling bad” and a “feeling bad”. Feeling physically bad is not the same as feeling psychologically bad. So if you are feeling physically bad, for some holy being’s sake don’t listen to anything which would put you in a bad mood! Because then the physical pain will get even worse.

Which is why I will finish this now rather abruptly and go to bed. I have to sleep my medication off.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.11.2009

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Widmung:
This one is for my doctor, who hopefully knows what kind of medication he is prescribing me