I woke up to yet another sunless morning. The fog still thick in the air erasing everything in sight. I stare at the sky trying to find the sun, wishing for it’s heat to bring warmth to my numb body. I sigh quietly knowing that my wish is impossible. The sun will not shine, no amount of wishing will change that. I walk down to the kitchen to find my dad with his nose in the newspaper with a cup of coffee in his right hand filled to the rim with bitter caffeine. As I walk down the sent of it gets stronger almost uncomfortable as it lingers in the air.
“Hey kiddo” he said behind his newspaper turning the page as he look up. He sounded more enthusiastic than he looks with heavy bags under his eyes. It seemed like every morning it gets darker and more visible, I wander how much sleep he got and how much coffee he’s already had.
“ Hey dad” I said popping bread in to the toaster. “What’s going on” I point to the paper between his hands. “ I didn’t know that the town even had a news paper.” I chuckled quietly. We live in Clarkston population not enough to care. A town that made me hate the color green because of the trees that surrounds it. Clarkston where nothing ever happens, well not recently. There have been unexplained fires around this eventless town. Fires that burn houses and trees in the middle of the woods. Luckily no one has been killed but three have been badly injured with burns. One of them, Miss Ellis my English teacher I think got the worst of it. From what I have heard around school is that she needed a skin graphing for the right side of her neck and a little of her chin.
“ The fires are getting worst.” his mouth pulled down to a frown. “And the police have no idea who is causing it. They want to believe it’s teenagers with nothing better to do.” he eyed me with an arched brow teasing but at the same time he was every serious. “But there’s no evidence of matches, cigarettes, lighter, fireworks… nothing.” he said as he continues to read the paper. “ I hope whatever or whoever is causing it gets stop.” his voice trails off quietly.
Ann wasn’t at school today because she was “sick”. So I had to sit with Jamie by myself without careful Ann, while she cried about her boyfriend dumping her again. I think that’s three time this month. I don’t know I stopped counting, it seemed pointless. What a lucky time to get “sick” I thought of Ann and how she abounded me. I laughed to myself I should have gotten “sick” too, if it meant not having to listen to Jamie talk about Ryan. And if Ann really was sick I should probably stop by and deliver her homework and maybe some soup. I wonder what’s going around, I have had two substitute and it not even launch yet. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m feeling a little different.
My head had it’s own heart beat. It hummed so loudly that it drowned all the other buzzing noises that filled the crowded hall. I look out the large window pointing to trees that surrounds everything in my world, and dreamed of being anywhere but here at this moment. Then something hit my right shoulder causing me to drop all my books to the ground with a loud thud. I turn to see the reason for this new pain that shot up my arm. I meet his gaze with my mouth dry and speechless. His eyes were the most vivid shade of green. He bent down and grabbed my books in one swift movement.
“I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have been running in the halls.” his voice was teasing at the end. His face was twisted to a lazy smile like I already accepted his apology. I tried to say something anything to make this less awkward than it was becoming. But my mouth was locked my lips unmoving. I just nod helpless. I don’t know why I was nodding, he didn’t even ask a question. I could feel my cheeks burn my ears ringing from embarrassment. Why did I have to be the girl with the uncontrollable blush, wasn’t my muteness enough? Life is so unfair.
“I think I hurt you more than I imagined. You seem to have lost your voice during our collision. Are you all right?” his voice had worry in it. Believing that my sudden muteness was caused by the pain in my shoulder and not by the fact that his voice is velvet to my ears and his eyes so mesmerizing. I laugh to myself for how stupid I sounded even to myself. Which made him smile
“Tell me what’s so funny.” His eyes twinkling as he moved closer to me making my heart skip a beat. Wow, I have never felt so helpless like a little bunny jumping towards the speeding car.
“ I was just laughing at myself. I must have been standing out in the middle of the hall. I’m just so helpless sometimes.” I couldn’t look at his eye as I spoke afraid that my face would betraying me.
“I don’t think your helpless.” I had to look at him now, what he said surprised me. Before I could ask what he meant he was long gone leaving my with hundreds of questions for him. How did he move so quickly I didn’t even notice him leave.
As the bell rings, signaling the start of every class, I couldn’t help but hope that he would show up. I waited by my locker a few minutes than necessary hoping by chance he would bump in to me again, but that too was disappointing. I felt stupid for wanting to see him so badly. I don’t know the guy, so then why am I so bummed that I didn’t catch his name?
I lay in bed staring at my blank ceiling my mind wondering. What did he mean? Why don’t I know his name? Is he new… he has to be, I would have remembered seeing him. I don’t like this uncertainty, they are new to me and my predictable life. I close my eyes but all I could see was his.
I opened my eyes, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It couldn’t be morning already, it felt like just moments ago that my brain final stopped buzzing and let me sleep. I sat up, but it was pitch black the moon big and round casting shadows with its bright light. I wasn’t on my bed like a thought I was seconds ago. I was outside, leaves under me, trees surrounding me. I could hear the river flowing in the distance. But something was cackling and popping I looked at the sky, which was surprisingly clear and then the ground. In the distance where the trees thinned I spotted something red and orange. I ran towards the bright light, but my feet moved slowly . I stopped inches away from the growing fire. Inside the fire was a boy with dark hair and green eyes. He was looking right at me I should been afraid of the fire, but I held my hand out and touched the flames and it got bigger I could no longer see the boy. And as I pulled my hand out the fire died. I was alone in the woods at night. Everything left with the boy; the moon, the sound of the river, and the raging fire.
I woke up with my bed sheets wrapped around my legs from a restless night. Sweat that covered my forehead and the sweat on my neck ran down my back. I couldn’t believe how hot my room felt, it’s warmth is suffocating my lungs making it hard to breath. I looked out the window to see if the sun was the cause of this warmth, but the sun stayed hidden behind a wide wall of clouds. I wiped the sweat with the back of my hand and felt the heat that was radiating from my forehead.
I couldn’t be sick, I don’t feel sick but my head was on fire. I pushed my bedding aside and noticed it dampness, I ran to my bathroom for the thermometer. I had to dig a while before finding it in the back of the cabinet. I splashed water on my face hoping it would cool me down, but I couldn’t fell the change in temperature.
I looked at myself in the mirror at that girl staring back she looked different. Her eyes to gray to be called blue, but her face soft and gentle, her cheeks pink, she looked beautiful. I touched my lips and the girl did the same. That girl is me when did I become her? I smiled she smiled too. Her wavy brown hair bouncing as she did. It seems impossible that the reflection is me. It feel like I magically transformed over night. The thermometer read 108.6. That couldn’t be right so I checked it again. But nothing changed it must be broken or something. I slowly get dressed and felt my body too weak to function from even the easiest of movements.
I went down to the kitchen, ready for school but my back ached and my head spinning from the heat. I was ready to see him again so I could put a name to those eyes. They are all I have seen for the past twelve hours. I wanted to see the face that held them. I couldn’t deny the feeling that in just a few minutes the mystery would be solved. I almost ran to the door.
“Hey there kiddo. Where’s the fire?” his voice was amused with a little chuckle at the end. He hasn’t seen me jump at the thought of school in almost nine years, in first grade.
“I just need to be at school early today. To ask my teacher for help on my essay that’s due on Friday.” the lie was so smooth that I almost believed it myself. There was no way my dad would have understand the real reason for my sudden interest in school. I felt guilty for lying but then i thought of embarrassment that came with the truth and the guilt went away.
“Woe hold your horses!” his hand blocked my one and only escape. Uh oh he didn’t believe my believable lie. How could he not believe it, it was perfect. I really did have an essay due on Friday and he knew that too, I even asked for his help. I have never been chough lying before, but yet I have never really had use for lying ether, this should teach me.
“Look at you’re cheeks they’re scarlet red.” he pressed his cold hand against my forehead resting it there for a few seconds before scowling at me.
“Olivia you have a fever! I think you should stay home, school can wait.” he looked at me with testing eyes and left it with that. The rest of the morning I could feel his eyes on me was he got ready for work.
I watched TV for an hour and lied in bed for I don’t know how long but I can only go so long until I became bored out of my mind. So I went down to the kitchen to put my growling stomach out of my misery. I had two glasses of orange juice my dad made me chicken noodle soup before he felt for the bank. I heated the soup I walked around the counter and noticed that my dad had left the news paper opened to the page about the fires. I sat at the table with my stemming soup skimming the article of the Clarkston Tribune. It said the fires have stared around a month ago in the forest behind the towns library. I was in the library that day a shiver ran up my spine. What if I stayed longer than I had and the fire wasn’t put out, the forest was so close. I shook that thought out of my mind. I remember hearing about that in school the next day. They say that there isn’t one shred of evidence to show what had caused it like it appeared out of thin air. The police thought it was just a normal fire until another one came and another they continue to get worst as time goes. Something, someone is causing this town to worry what will go in flames next. Will the next one kill some innocent that was at the wrong place at the wrong time? I pushed the newspaper away from me just think about fires is making my head feel hotter.
I must be getting better, my body felt stronger as I climb the stairs to my bathroom but I could still feel the heat that was clouding my mind. I took a shower to help flush the fever and for something to do, it help a little. When my parents came home they said I looked better but as they felt my head they cringe at the heat. As we had dinner I had a feeling the fire within me is only beginning even though I already felt like I was burning alive.
I was anxious to find him searching the seas of faces for those green eyes his dark curly hair anything that looked like him. When I felt a tap on my right shoulder I knew it was Ann my best friend welcoming me back but when I turned around to face him and my heart sank. His eyes from memory didn’t do them justice they were even more beautiful that the last time I saw them which felt impossible.
“ What are you looking for?” he asked. looking in the direction I was facing before with an easy smile on his face.
“I was worried when I couldn’t find yesterday. I thought I scared you a way.” he chuckled quietly as he raised his eyes to my face.
“I never got the chance to ask for your name. Mines Ethan.”
“My name’s Olivia.” I tucked the a stray piece of hair behind my ears and cleared my throat.
“ So do you mind if I ask why you weren’t here yesterday?” he said as he leaned into the looker besides mine. His arms crossed.
“ I had a fever which is weird because I didn’t feel sick at all.” I wasn’t nervous as the first time we met. But all my words were rushing out faster than I could think of what I’m saying.
“ A fever you say?” his right eyebrow arched and his voice lower than before.
“ Yeah. It felt like my brain was on fire.” he smiled like I said something funny. “Really? It must have been some kind of fever.” I could hear from his voice which had a hint of laughter in it, that he felt I was over exaggerating.
The week continued like this us talking the beginning of school during lunch and after school because we had no classes together. But I always felt our time together was limited. As the weeks continue the fire in me became hotter but I don’t blame the common cold anymore.
“I want to show you something. After school today.” he brushed his soft hand on my cheek and pushed stray hair behind my ear. His fingers where warm, I haven’t felt any thing warmer than my own sink in a long time but it felt nice.
“Only if you want to.” he smile as my cheeks reddens. I wanted to stay in this moment forever.
“ You’re always so warm.” his hand moves down to my neck. My heart is beating so loud there was no way he couldn’t hear it. “ I’ll meet you at your locker. Is that okay?” He lets go of me causing me to snap out of what I was under.
“Yeah” I said quickly before even really thinking about it. “ see you at lunch.” And then he was gone.
I don’t know where he is going to take me but a part of me is scared, not scared of him but scared of me. He make me act differently around him, more outgoing and brave. I’m afraid what might slip out of my mouth because of my new brave nature, I would want to scare him with the truth of my feelings. Lately I have been just talking with no thought of what I said whenever he’s around. I hid my fears well from what I could tell. Another and slightly bigger part of me couldn’t wait to be alone with him. I know that I’ve only known him for a short period of time but I trusted him. He seems unreal, different from anyone I have known, he makes my heart jump when he says my name, he make me happy when I thought that was impossible to do so. I had never felt this way about anybody but the feeling is amazing there’s no words I could express when I see his face and I feel like the world could disappears. Is it love? Or am I just a silly teenage girl with crush.
He drove us a way from the town. The road was empty. “Where are we going? Can you please tell me! I don’t really like surprises.” I said as I looked at my window the town lowly getting further away. We entered the forest we walked for a few minutes until we reached a clearing of trees. He sat down on the still dampened ground and I did the same.
“What’s going on? Are were meditating or something?” I laughed and scooted closer to him. He smiled but there was worry in his eyes.
“Olivia I have to show you something, and it might scare you but I know you will understand. Maybe not now but you will, I know you will. There is really no words for what I’m about to do but I promise I won’t hurt you.” his voice was sad but his words should have frightened me but all I can think of is a ways making him smile again.
“ I promise I would never hurt you.” He said quietly he finally looks up to meet my gaze. “ don’t be scared” all I could do is nod then he raised his hand up staring at it, then a flame flickered on is middle finger like a candle. My mouth flew open but I could remember how to close it. I just stared at his finger as the flame danced in the breeze.
“how can… When…?” my mind was wondering as I continue to look at him.
He closed his fist slowly killing the flam and then opened his hand wide and two flames lit in the middle of his palm. He was pushing his hands together making a one sphere with the flames. As his hands met the fire was gone.
“ I’ve had this… power since I was ten or at lest that’s when I found out about it. I wanted to show you because I’m so tired of keeping this secret to myself I need a friend.” I could hear sadness in his voice but the thing he did with is hand kept running through my mind and I could stop it even if I wanted to.
“Have you been the one who has starting the fires?” I said mindlessly I sounding braver than I felt. “ you’ve hurt people, you’ve…” I felt sick to my stomach, I get up to my knees but he garbs me gently “No I haven’t stared those fires” he looks hurt at what I said “ Ever since I was young.” he closed his eyes his face looks so sad that I held his hand forgetting what they could do. His frown lightens but his eyes stays close. “And knew what I could do I never wanted it. I did all I could to try to stop this… but no matter what I did the fire was never puts out. I couldn’t ignore it for too long. You have to trust me I promise.” he opened his eyes at the end and something in them made me believe him. I sat there unmoving trying so hard make senses of everything that is floating in my head. He just stayed there looking at me waiting for me to say something but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know how long we had been sitting here but the sun was starting to set.
His special ability doesn’t change how I saw him or felt about him, I thought . He was the same charming guy I had knew him as. But some how I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fire he made. I had to say some thing.
“I believe you.” I whispered but I knew he heard me. A fickler of hope shot across his eyes and it went away just as fast as it came.
The fires stared over a month ago and he has only moved here a few days ago. If my mind was working I would have noticed that but it wasn‘t. I couldn’t see this boy, the boy that I think am possible falling for, hurt innocent people for no reason at all. I felt silly now for even thinking about it.
“We should get you home now. Your parents would be wondering where you are.” his voice had no emotion in them which scares me maybe he thought he made a big mistake in telling me. That thought stung making my stomach turn I wanted to show him what I said was true, I did believe him. I want to show him that he could trust in me.
“Kiss me?” I said as I cross the distance between us my heart pumping fast as I hastened to his side before my courage went away. He look at me like I’ve lost my mind which was possible. I didn’t even think about the option that maybe he doesn’t like me this way. Until we were only inches away when his face didn’t change. A tear was forming at the corners of my eyes and it burned to hold them back.
“ I mean, if you want to.” my gaze dropped to my feet afraid that my tears would betray me.
“ You silly, emotional, beautiful girl.” his voice was teasing as he raised his finger to lift my chin making me look straight to his eyes. He was smiling his lazy smile as he lean down to press his lips softly on mine. As if my lips were rose petals that could tear apart with the slightest of touch. His lips tasted like caramelized sugar sweet and warm. I wanted more but his lips stopped and his face was moving away from me. I opened my eyes to find his face still close to mine he pressed his warm lip quickly to mine and then gabbed my hands tightly in his and squeezed it softly.
“We should get going, it’s getting dark.” he looked at the sky then at my face I can feel my lips were pull up in a smile, one the wouldn’t easily go away.
He drove quietly still holding my hand. I never want to let go. I saw my house get closer and I panicked I didn’t want to leave him yet. What if I wake up and this was all just a dream?
“I hope I didn’t get in to much trouble.” He looked at the lit up house and at the window of the silhouette of my mother pacing back and forth.
“Would you like me to come with you, explain that it was my fault that you have been gone” I cut him off before he finished.
“ No it’s better if I face them alone.” I knew how my parents would react if they knew a boy was the reason for my absents, they would not take it lightly.
“Okay. I will see you tomorrow.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before bolting out of the car. Didn’t know when I’ll see him again if I get grounded. I wouldn’t be able to see him at school until Monday if I did, suddenly I wasn’t looking forward for the weekend. I held the door knob with tight fingers inhaling air through my nose. I open the door slowly and quietly hope they weren’t on the other side, but all hopes faded when I pushed the door open.
“where have you been!” My mother said between clenched teeth. Before I could even speck to explain she started talking again.
“Do you have any idea what time it is. How could you be so irrespirable?” This was worst than what I imagined.
“ Do you have anything to say for your self?” she was yelling again,
“I..” but she cut me off before another word could come out.
“I can’t believe this…” she trailed off to nothing.
“ Kate let her talk.” my dad said firmly as he looked at me his eyes filled with disappointment. Great the guilt trip just what I needed, its not like I didn’t feel guilty before.
“ I was with a friend and lost track of time. I’m really sorry.” they know me enough to hear the truth in my words.
“I think you should go in your room, I want to talk to your mom. I will call you when dinner is ready.” I went to my room like I was told. How can a day that was so wonderful end like this. I think back to this afternoon it felt like a life time ago. I have been so distracted I almost forgot the burning in my throat. What’s going on with me first the fever now this. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed Ethan, I could have given him whatever was going on with me. I grabbed the thermometer in my parents bathroom it reads 110.1 what the heck what can a girl do around here to check her temperature? I went back to my room and fell asleep.
I woke up to a warm bed to warm to be pleasant. My blue blanket fell on the floor. I looked at the window it was steamed over. I got up and wipe the steam with my hand making a big circle for my face. It was snowing, snow covered every tree and every inch of land I could see. I got dressed and put on some boots then ran outside. I hasn’t snowed in almost three years I’ve missed it. I see my dad laughing as he looked at the window of me making a snow angle. I laid on the ground watching my breath escape my mouth like a cloud of smoke. I haven’t felt cold in too long. I dug my hand in the snow but when I finally put them out they were numb and stung my finger tips. My ears were frozen too and my cheeks unmoving. I’ve fallen asleep in the snow. Only felt like a moment that I closed my closed my eyes. I sat up quickly away form the snow and tried to close my hand but they had a mind of their own. Tried to blow hot air but non came. I panicked I didn’t know what to do would my fingers fall off. How stupid was I to fall asleep in snow. While I was scolding my self I felt like my hands were suddenly on fire. That was a sign that the were getting worst I was afraid of look at them, as if one minute could change their appearance.
I gazed a my hands where the feeling of heat came form and was shocked at the flames that covered them. I closed my eyes and opened them again nothing changed. I know this should be burning me by now but I felt nothing. It lasted for about a minute but it slowly faded.
This could not be happening, this keeps running through my mind but I couldn‘t believe it. My thoughts went back to yesterday when Ethan was showing me the fire he made, his words I remember them clearly “… it might scare you but I know you will understand maybe not now but you will. I know you will.” His words made since now, his voice was so hopeful. How did he know that I had the same ability that he has. He also said he needed a friend, a friend that could understand… because she would know what it’s like. Someone like me. If all of this had happened a week ago I know how impossible it would have sounded, but I know now nothing in my world is impossible. Like the idea that I could have started all those fires, I could be the one responsible for all of it.
***

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.03.2011

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
thanks to google images for the picture. To my Grandma who always has time to listen to my stories.