The touch
April 16th, 2010 — stories
Sparsha -Ganti Bhanumathi
Today I realized the power of time with my experience. All this days I looked at one side of the knife only. Now I could understand very clearly the other side of a knife too. I am a doctor. I underwent an operation on my belly. Now at present with unbearable pain I am in the hospital on the bed.
People can believe that an ocean can get dried if they look at the Kutch area. An example of destruction of villages together is Mohenjo-Daro, the same happened in my case too.
I, who did operations to many, have to undergo myself an operation. Some unknown fear….. Has this type of fear been there in the eyes of the patients?
Now I can realize the trials of them to hold my hand, the doubts in their eyes, for a petite support and a bit of courage
I never had the habit of holding the hands of the patients from the beginning, except while performing the operation which was a different matter.
Then the patient would be in anesthesia, with out any stimuli. Nothing can be seen by me. Only the bones and flesh the arteries, veins and the nerves. Touching them was unavoidable, it’s my profession, a part of my routine, that touch is different. What they taught me when I was a student and how they taught us the same I repeat.
I have moaned once. I don’t know anything but pain. Unbearable pain came out in the form of a sound.
I used to do my work as a machine when people went on moaning. But now I felt if some one sits by my side to share my feelings, it would have been a better solace.
My eyes are closing and I feel the dizziness.
People are coming and going. The insignificant sounds created by their movements I could hear from somewhere. “Tuck the sheet properly, that injection…..that capsule is for sleep reduce the AC..”
I used to send the people who tried to ask me the questions. After shaving neatly standing at the bed of the patient watching the case sheet and changing the medicines as per requirement, writing the needed investigations I used to hand over them to my followers. I never tried to look into the face of any patient.
But , today……………
In this room of white walls ……….in an atmosphere filled with detol smell. I am lying here.
Now I am not a doctor, a patient…..morning the operation has been performed. I am married, with a wife and two children. They both are would be doctors in inter first year and second year with Bi.P.C group.
I love Jeffry Archer and Irving Wallace.
I like winter season, walking under the trees in the fall from University Arts College to the library is my craze. This way I have many whims and fancies.
Many unknown handling me is scaring..
Hither I never knew much about the pain, but now every minute it became a shadow of me.
Some fear! Many eyes to the fear, they are looking at the past.
I am sleepy eyes are falling, eye lids are closing.
Many a scenes, first time a patient in death throws, the way his tongue is protruding out and going in, eyes with still glass balls , I felt dizzy .that in the days my studies…
Sachiketa went to Yama and returned knowledge of there and gaining the meditative sleep, getting rid of all the sins became the immortal with out death. But it’s not possible to all. Smoke…….the clouds……..
I felt as if God of death is coming towards me on a male buffalo. Chitrgupta was by his side. May be the actor Brahmanandam or BabuMohan, descending from the clouds towards me. I ran…but …oh God
“Doctor”
The nurse awakened me nudging slowly.
A tablet and water was given by the nurse.
Again my eyes closed.
“Please save him in any way let the amount come to anything”
“Ok’ we all can try”
But that Ok never worked out. That patient died. All cried at a time Oh God!
I opened my eyes with a sudden jolt. All alone on the bed…. It was fearful in the silent room
“We all are there. No need of others. No disturbance at all must be there. From tomorrow onwards you all can come. Nights you can stay. But twenty four hours he should be under our supervision. “No one is allowed to stay. So all alone…. this way….. In this room ….on the bed..
I closed my eyes… some scenes…
Performing the operation…….. Success .but next day a few complications developed. He has gone. That day I took it as an ordinary thing…. But now some unknown fear… that patient…. Going some where………….. … Where………
Hills and mountains.. rivers and brooks trees and forests… oceans ………a line separating the sea and the sky I don’t know how long I went like that … some touch… who? My patients? No, Investigations… … duty sisters … are doing their work….. Again hospital…..my pain…..i can feel it a bit.
They are writing the reports…
Some one talking outside is heard.
The sounds of train s and buses………. shift change and a bustle in my room too…… staff in taut and stiff uniforms are coming and going time and again.
She came and stood by my side.
A black sister came and adjusted my bed sheet.
Pressing the pillow all around, made it a ball and placed under my head. Efficient sister! This hospital is known for its efficiency.
She adjusted the AC., opened the blinds, Went up to the door suddenly as if remembered something she retreated, Took a napkin into the bathroom. She wiped my face. All with a smile on her face…
“Is it painful?….” New words…they touched my soul.
“Is it painful” that was the lone sentence said by her.
Tears welled up in my eyes..
How much power do those words have..
I came to know the pain and suffering with experience. She understood my pain and suffering and reduced them with her solace. I felt a kind of relief. She just took a minute to understand my suffering and could say consoling words
“Is it painful?” what a powerful expression!
Under that skin the fragrance of humanity and exquisite beauty
A small change in routine… seen .no no… came.
Not when she felt my pulse
Not at the time of noting my BP
Not when she placed the thermometer in my mouth.
Not when she gave me the medicine and tablets…..
Her words ….. Under the heart, in depth they touched some where……..
Her words seemed as if spoken by the God!
I felt them as a compass showing the human
After that when I examined I used to feel I touched not a body but a man. When I kept the stethoscope from the heart beat I used to hear the sounds from their feelings. I learned to budge their shoulder and say ‘don’t worry’.
I am trying to transform the life power of mine into eternal drink. That’s why people say ‘let the death lead us to heaven’.
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Sitara
March 24th, 2010 — stories
Saalochana -Somanchi UshaRani
Translation Swatee sripada
“I don’t like this marriage”
“You are looking at him, I mean looking at the physical appearance but not the inner beauty. It’s not possible for all to look at the beauty of the soul.
Why? Look at your brother in law.. He is so handsome but with all addictions, more over a sadist. You have already seen how he tortures your sister?”
“Dad, if my brother in law behaves that way you can’t generalize it for all men. What about you, how much love and care you have for mom.”
“Its true1 your mom never showed any revulsion though I am ugly. She respects me and my words. Love should be there in the heart but not in looks”
“I too say the same. To love a person as soon as I watch, I am not a mother Theresa, I am a normal girl”
“To understand someone and their mind one should have a good heart. A sacred, serene heart is needed, No need of mother Theresa’s greatness.”
“Tell me at least is one in the home good looking? All are hideous. I can’t live every day looking their faces. Keep the beauty aside, no wealth too. You don’t seem to have a thought of my comfort at all”
“You are thinking in a wrong way dear. Parents always wish for the comforts of their children. I can’t afford to give dowry or gifts. I can’t manage to get a better match compared to this. His leg is a bit defective ok because of it only he got a job in a bank as a cashier. No scarcity of earning. What about our status?”
“How ever you try to convince dad, I don’t like it. That’s all. This way Sitara used to disapprove and discard all the matches, with one pretext or the other, either saying he was black or fat or thin or uneducated, tall or short or ugly or poor. Though not as actresses Sitara is beautiful, though intelligent could not go for college studies due to lack of affordability, reads all magazines and novels getting them on rental basis. So she always remains in her dream world. She dreams of getting a hero in the novel as a husband.
“Tara, dear at least now step out of your dream world and think. Still no other match is fixed for him” mother tried to convince her.
“Whose is this?” Sitara asked irritated.
“That …. Bank cashier” mother muttered.
“Still it looks you people never left that match! You married an ugly and you want me to do the same. If I have hideous children, if I struggle with them you feel happy. Some how you are trying to get rid of me, instead of it let me remain as a spinster and live my life, but I’ll not accept that match” Sitara moved out harshly donning her slippers.
“Where are you going?”
Looking at her mothers anxious looks
“Not to die. I’ll go to Sarita, my friend” she replied.
By the time she went to Sarita, she was humming a song very resplendent and watering the plants. Sarita invited her with a smile.
“Looking so pleasant, is there any news about your marriage?”
Sarita blushed and nodded her head. She took her in, revealed his details and showed his photo. Sitara was shocked to see that. It was his whom she denied frankly.
“Is he?”
“Do you know him?” Sarita surprised.
“Bank Cashier! Physically handicapped, isn’t it?”
Though Sarita felt the disdain “So what? He is very good, it seems. No bad habits at all, mainly he never asked any dowry. My father couldn’t afford to give a dowry. We have to think of our parents too when they struggled to brought us up” Sarita said without any feeling.
“So, marrying such a person how could you…..”
Cutting her short in the middle,
“Don’t say that Sitara! Except a small defect in leg what other drawback he had? He is good looking; he should be manly to look after a wife properly, otherwise however wealthy one might be it can’t fetch happiness.”
Sitara looked surprised to see Sarita talking so maturely.
“Do you know anything about his parents? Can you adjust with them? To share a life is not so easy to talk”
“My dad enquired about them. They are too good. Father is a worker in a factory. Mother and daughter prepare pickles, papad and other things at home and send them to shops.
His parents look after the eldest daughter in law as their own daughter. Daughter is a singer. She sings for TV and radio too. Mother in law does all the work and teaches her daughter in law music too. When she came to know that I too learned designing on saris she felt very happy. “No need to help me at home. Continue your painting, it’s an art” she said” Sarita said happily.
Sitara returned home pondering over the match and Sarita.
“Have I done a mistake?” the question bothered her a lot. They say it is in the hands of the lady to keep a family happy. By the time she realized how to make a life happy through adjustment and consoled her mind it was too late.
She was already branded as a proud woman who criticizes every one with one or the other thing. No body moved forth to marry her. The age went on moving up. With that worry and depression increased. She started looking older than her age. For time pass she joined in a kindergarten school but when she saw the children she realized what she missed and became miserable. . Sitara’s mind wriggled in an unknown gloom when Sarita brought her son to admit in kindergarten. She could not look at Sarita’s husband.
“Sitara how are you? You might be very happy, you don’t have any burdens?” she turned to her husband and said, “Have you seen my dear whom you wanted to marry in her name and mine same letters are there in a different order. Probably you are destined to marry a girl with SA, ta ra words. As Sarita laughed loudly her husband and Sitara looked at each other with a smile.
Their son Tejaswi was lovely.
“I would like to join my son here. I couldn’t bear his mischief. He never allows me to do my designing. He mixes all the paints. Very naughty! You have to see him carefully.” As she explained about him pampering her husband as if he could not leave him hugged the child and handed over him to Sitara.
When the couple went laughing and talking “his defect looks outwardly but mine never comes out from with in” Sitara wiped her eyes and sighed.
“Sitara listen me completely and carefully. After that you can express your opinion” her father with a pinch of fear said.
She understood that he wishes to talk about a match and said, “Ok dad I am not that old Sitara go on”
“Srihari is an officer in a private company. His wife died after giving birth to the second kid. First he had a son. Srihari is still young. Srihari’s sister saw you and convinced him for the marriage. Your mother and I are too old. Your mom is worried about your marriage.”
“As you wish dad, if he is good I have no objection” Sitara replied indifferently.
“One more thing I have to say” he hesitated.
Sitara looked as if encouraging him to say.
“He already underwent vasectomy operation…”
Sitara laughed as a philosopher.
“That means I have to look after the two kids as my own” saying this she went away from there.
For name sake the procedure went on. Marriage too was performed in a simple way in a registrar’s office.
As he married only for the children and when he denied the first night arrangement, Sitara once again smiled as a philosopher.
Parents controlling their grief briefing her with so many precautions sent her to her home. Sitara was feeling less except a nominal smile. Srihari and his children soon get used to her and close to her as she looked them after very carefully as her own children with love. For children she is more than their father now. They always linger around her calling “Amma”
Sitara too had a world of their’s alone Srihari asked her to leave the job as she has to look after the children and no need for the money. She accepted silently. In summer vacation their grand parents took the children with them. ‘How can I deny, what right do I have to’ she remained silent when children left she felt their absence and she was tired of doing nothing.
That day when Srihari returned from office she was wearing a white sari with peacocks’ border and small flowers with lots of jasmines in her braid. He was a bit moved at this sight. All these days he treated her as a baby sitter to children though she arranged everything for him too but not as his wife. He could not forget his first wife, might be the reason.
Though he had a good opinion on her for looking after him and his children with care and love, though he had the affection for her as his wife they remained dormant in him only.
But now, a slight movement in him as he looked at her a feeling of love she came in behind him and handed over him a glass of water.
“ get refreshed and come I’ll arrange snacks and coffee” as she turned to move in he stopped her holding her hand, taking her close to him and hugging,
“No, I don’t want them. This coffee and snacks I need” he covered her lips with his.
Her body vibrated with his touch and embrace. Enraptured she huddled into him.
“Why did you keep this beauty and happiness away from me all these days?” Sitara was surprised to listen this though it was his fault the blame came on to her.
They spent the days as seconds till the children returned enjoying the peaks of happiness. She used to have a feeling of marrying him as a second wife. But now it was erased completely. Her heart was filled with a kind of affection and inseparable feeling for her husband. Srihari purchased saris and ornaments though she refused.
He took her to his siter’s home. As he turned normal and happy his sister for Sitara’s submissive nature she felt very happy.
Children returned and Sitara again started taking care of children though he felt a bit separated from her he felt contented for her love on his children.
If all the days are the same as if no place for happiness or grief would be there in life, God shows his miracles.
In an accident Srihari was amputated and he lost a leg.
She consoled him as a mother and be braved him when he was in depression.
Providing mental courage by narrating the stories of the victories of handicapped encouraged him to recover soon with her service.
Though the handicap bothered his mind he recovered soon and with a wooden leg he managed to resume his duties. When she bid him bye to his office he thought of folding his hands but controlled his whim taking her close to him he expressed his gratitude with a sweet present.
Sitara felt very bad look him that way. Her tears welled up as she controlled them before to give him courage.
“I refused to listen my parents to marry him as he walks with a bit unnaturally. Now he lost a complete leg. Isn’t it the fringe of the fate? “ as she felt some one squeezed her heart she remained there itself looking at her husband in the layers of tears with a dim view.
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the dusk
March 11th, 2010 — stories
The dusk
Varanasi Nagalakshmi –translation Swatee sripada
“O bird, I dream of roaming with you
Shall go away from this cruel world?”
Insolently the song emerged from Sameer’s voice. When Shubha Kiran used to sing in University, friends, listening it sitting under the trees on rocks, felt anxious to roam that way. This is that sort of roaming, almost. In front was the blue wide spread sky, clouds floating as cotton tussocks. That’s all, nothing else.
Except Saveri! The sun in the west is behind me. The Luke warm brightness of the golden rays falling in slanting way from under smeared strange glisten to Saveri’s body and face. Probably she liked the song it seems so she made a long sound “UUUUUUU”
“It’s nice! Go on sing completely sameer” said Saveri
“Floating and traveling in the waves of wind,
Shall we listen the sweet song of cloud girls?
Shall we talk leaving behind all the malice?”
Sameer opened his voice and sang pleasantly, as if asking her the questions. Saveri with a habit of listening good songs closing her eyes, as if the magnificence slithers away if she winks filling her eyes with the beauty of the sky and every atom of her body with the experience traveling in the air she remained enraptured. Traveling in the waves of air floating is this only. Sameer had sung the song earlier too. But this experience she did not have it before. While singing, in the view point of Sameer Saveri gleaming with a smile the thick blue sky behind her, lustrous silvery clouds …. As soon as he completed the song, he took out the digital camera hanging round his neck and took a snap of her. The American family behind her clapped and expressed their happiness. Turning to them he expressed his thanks.
Showing the assemble of birds flying
“We seem to be the nine birds in a way?” Saveri asked.
Sameer nodded and looked down.
He never expected the hot air ballooning this pleasant as if traveling in a ship in the ocean of air. Except when hot air was blown in to the big colorful balloon above a pleasant silence! A device to indicate the side of the wind in different layers of air, a walkie-Talkie to talk with their team on the land when required, with the help of these two very skillfully handling that balloon and the bamboo basket hanging to that and the nine people in that basket pilot Timo facilitated the sky travel.
Pacific Ocean afar below running with surfing foam and Sandiago city at it’s bank. Ascending and descending different layers of air to travel in the direction to reach the goal …whenever the electricity poles or lines appeared moving in to higher layers of air , crossing the high ways shining with vehicles , houses, fields, parks exactly like the journey of a bird the travel of theirs went on.
Waving Saveri’s hand in a friendly way
“Thank you! For this excellent experience gifted to me for my birthday. I had a desire from my childhood to fly like a bird this way” Sameer said.
“Why you alone, every living person on the earth ones in their life time wishes the same” Saveri shrugged her shoulders laughing.
“Still you grumbled that I wasted hundred dollars each” what would you say now? – As if asking it, she looked at him.
Sameer laughed.
“Yes my dear, to listen them is to invite our own fall, I thought. If any unexpected thing happens, and if we get injured or for whatever be the damage we accepted that it’s our responsibility and they made us to sign it. When I asked “How do you steer?” he said no steering at all. Regarding the place of our descending he said no idea. An endless ocean by the side … if the balloon falls in the ocean while flying I thought we will be finished ……” Sameer scratched his head.
She laughed.
“Evenings the wind blows from the ocean on to the land. So they plan this trip in the evenings. But to keep the suspense and thrill they say only half the facts. “She said stretching her hands out from the basket, leaning her head back enjoying the sky journey to the core.
In light blue colour tea–shirt dark blue colour jeans pant, bright eyes brimming with self confidence looking appreciating the healthy brilliance of Saveri “I heard you did skiing in Tahoe, have you liked it?” he asked.
“I tried, though not perfect climbing the Snow Mountains on rope way and slithering down is excellent. Its is for the people like you who knows Roller-Blading”
“What other things you did after coming here?”
“Driven the water scooter in Sanfransisco back waters, lost the balance fell in cold water and suffered from severe cold. No I can do well”
“What else?”
“With two others I went for canoeing, traveling in a river with the help of a raw sail in a small boat amid the branches of trees in ups and downs. Suddenly at a place in the way the river forked a part separated as a water fall. Afraid of the fall along with the water we three rowed the boat with our maximum strength till our hands pained, a great thrilling experience. “
“Bungee jumping? Para sailing?”
“Not yet, I may do them in future”
“Saveri, I never saw such spirit in Indian born and brought up girls? Why?” Saveri looked into his face smiling.
“Probably a difference in brought up. Here wearing uncomfortable dresses to run or to climb the rocky hills or to jump down we grow up there. We hesitate to get wet, if we fall down the posture in which we fell, whether the dresses tore or what hundreds of fears in a second. Our people brought us up in such a way that hearty laughing and frank expressing of declaring what we didn’t like are also the faults. How can we get any desire of sports in a society where free playing also had limits? But now many changes are coming…” last words were not clear as the pilot increased the flame with a great sound.
The heated air took the balloon skillfully into the wind layers.
“In fact now in India girls are much faster than the boys. Leave the house hold work the girls are doing all outside work much better than the boys”
“Now the parents are bringing up them the same way with out discriminating them into boys or girls. Not all but the parents in cities” Saveri said thoughtfully.
Like a pure flower bloomed in a forest naturally her individuality with out any hesitation, courage, her attitude mirroring her self confidence attracted him from the day she joined the office. Saveri looked a bit different when he saw some of the Indian girl’s using some what harsh appearing language, behaving extremely as if they could not control the freedom they got suddenly. He felt surprised to see courage and adventure in Saveri which lacks even in ultra modem girls.
“In fact I have to congratulate your parents for bringing you up this way” he applauded her.
“My parents?” Saveri laughed. “My father and mother would make a big fuss if they know about my coming this way “
“O, then….”
“Then …..” Saveri looked down. Vehicles on the free way were running as if in some emergency.
The balloon moving with them as a big bird…her mind went back six years
*************
“Oh, no shame to do such a foolish thing?” Sumedha asked severely Saveri, who was lying on her tummy on the bed and weeping.
“Ye! Why did you talk that way? When she is in depression already?” Malini said angrily.
Still with a palpitating heart she checked the bolt of the door once again, squatted by Saveri’s side and stroking her hair
“Why did you do this? What will happen to us?” think of the mess in the hostel? What shall we say your parents?” Malini asked her controlling the shiver in her voice.
With in a short while Saveri stopped crying and remained exhausted.
Malini got up, climbed a chair and tried to unravel the chunni tethered to the fan.
“Munny, if you touch that chunni I’ll thrash you. Keep it that way for the exhibition, let all of them come. Let them see the nonsense tried by our “Chaveri” (Chavu=death).” Sumedha said in a hostile way.
“Why do you talk that worst? When I felt the prolonging my life is a waste……?”
“So if you feel…..is this the way to die? Donate your kidneys to someone; if you have such a charitable quality do some adventure. She is so afraid of even driving a moped; she is ready to take her life off for a foolish fellow’s deed. She had courage for it.. She shivers even to pour acid into a test tube in lab. Even in examination first four lines she writes shivering in a curled way but so much courage to die!”
“Medha! How cruelly you talk? She thought of dying because she has no courage to live, not because of too much courage. Now what she needs is not your ridiculous words, you are talking as if slashing her with pointed weapons?”
“Aha! What a kind heart! First get her up and make her to sit. …….or immediately I’ll go and give a police report. Stating attempted suicide”
Saveri lying down, shuddered at once
“How unkind you could be Medha?” Her voice choked with grief. Eyes were filled with tears. She got up emotionally and tried to untie the chunni from the fan.
“Let it be. When we go to sleep you can try again to complete the planned work” Sumedha said satirically.
Increasing her voice Malini said heatedly, “Are you a fool? You say it again and again? She is so agonized”
“Why do you shout on me, instead of handing over her to police for her act? Is she agonized? Why? Because a useless stupid dragged her to the bushes when she was coming from the library? She could not even shout ok, why did she create all this fuss instead of remaining silent?”
“How can I live when I lost everything?” Saveri said crying and keeping the chunni inside making it a lump.
“Have you lost everything? You had your two hands, legs and eyes. Your books, certificates and money in the purse all are there. “
“Why do you kill me this way?” Leaning on to the trunk Saveri said sobbing. “Am I killing you? If I woke up two minutes late by this time your eyes would have popped out and you might be hanging to that fan. After that we would be dying as we can’t live. Have you ever thought after that how could we stayed in this room and stayed in this hostel dying and living in your memories? Have you imagined how we would be tortured by the police by their questions? Have you thought about your parents how their heart would have been broken if they had seen you? You thought of punishing us all for the wretched thing done by a stupid. If he did it, he should die but why to kill you?”
“O God! She’ll not let me live or die” Saveri cried pitifully closing her eyes with both the hands.
Sumedha went immediately, holding her to hands with hers “you fool, look at me. How did I get this much courage, I was a timid when I was a child. I too thought of dying when I came to know about the cheating of my American settled husband when I thought of death I got a crazy courage. I thought of living denying the world before I die.
True.
Then I learned driving, swimming to do M.Sc with you all, five years younger to me, I attended the entrance secured a seat and joined here.
If we know we had a danger to life we will be afraid. When we are ready to leave life, can’t we leave fear? If we have to encounter the danger and die in it, will it not be a better way for death?
Won’t it be better to Killing ourselves by force and blamed as timid and died to face the blame?
Still, Why should we punish our self for some one else’s mistake? Live proudly, lift your head. If somebody laughs at you, you laugh at them. If you respect yourself definitely the world gives you the respect, unconditionally. You were afraid to learn swimming in the last vacation in our club. You are afraid you may die of drowning if you can’t swim. Learn swimming this time. If you drown you can die more reverently than this. If you learn swimming, it’s good. Go for driving a scooty. If you hit any thing and die it would be better. If you can manage without hitting anything you get the driving. Leave your cowardice and live happily. It would be great even if you live or die. “
In crying itself Saveri thought of a laugh.
Malini looked at Sumedha aghast. Sumedha opened the trunk of Saveri removed the lumped chunni out folded it neatly and kept inside.
“If you didn’t like the idea of complaining, forget about what happened behind the bushes. Let us bury that among us three. Let us try that stupid in some other way. It’s not very difficult to get him debarred. Let us see that later. Let us see a gynecologist once tomorrow.. Is it ok?”
Sumedha stroked Saveri’s hair inducing courage into her.
Making her drink the water brought by Malini, looking into her eyes “Savy, remember! When you are ready to die there is no need to get scared even for the petite things. In future if the death encounters you die bravely but leave the fear. Live bravely. Nothing happens to you. You never did any mistake. Understood? Did you understand?” She emphasized the last word.
Sumedha nodded her head looking into her bright eyes though small, as if enchanted. Stretching her two hands out Sumedha hugged her tightly. Saveri experienced the feeling of both the hearts beating together.
Her body parts scratched behind the bushes still remained as fresh wounds. When the body tried to shrink with revulsion she heard Sumedha’s words.
“With our will power we can make our mind believe the things that happened as never occurred and the never happened things as materialized. We can achieve great victories giving our mind positive hints again and again. Are you listening? If you try to do such thing again –I’ll hate you in all coming lives too. Remember” she moved back, holding Saveri’s shoulders again Sumedha looked into her eyes. Saveri nodded her head as if she made a strong decision.
Malini, with wide spread eyes remained as a spectator. When both the hands of the wall clock were at the equal distance to three budging the books on the mat to either sides taking a pillow each they all slept together. It dawned to others without any knowledge of what happened that night.
******************
“Saveri, where are you?” moving his fingers in front of her eyes Sameer asked.
“Here…..moving in the clouds …”
“Slithered into whose memories” he asked with a pinch of jealousy.
“Memories of a genius”
“Did you like that genius so much?” he tried to be normal.
“Shall I tell you the truth? That genius was my room mate. First when I came to know that I have to share my room with her I scolded myself so much. We never used to compromise even at a single point. We both are opposite poles. I tried many a times to change my room mate.”
“O! is she a girl?” he said relieved exhaling the breath.
Looking at him quizzically Saveri laughed.
“With in two years she changed me this way completely. Now she is my life, more than life.” Saveri said as her eyes sparkled wet.
After a while taking her hand into his he said, “Do you know that Saveri is a beautiful tune.”
She recalled Sumedha for a second time.
“Where there is a will there is a way. We should search and hold that way. Have you noted it or not that way is on your name? If you remove it you will be sorry. Don’t do that. You are Sa-way-ri, a beautiful tune.” Leaving a deep breath Saveri looked into Sameer’s eyes. In his eyes too there is a tune. That is affection. (Anuraagam).
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Festival
November 28th, 2009 — stories
Gurajada Shobha perindevi
Translation swatee sripada
Standing by the window I was waiting for my husband. This is my usual habit. Both the children go for games. After completing my cooking I come and stand this way.
Kerala state is very beautiful, every where we could see plants and trees. Even in the biggest cities the nature seems as if we are in villages. Hitherto I never saw a house without trees.
Tea estates, water falls, green crop fields signify the beauty of Kerala and hard work is the good quality of keralites. We have been staying in Cochin since last eight years. In the beginning we felt the separation of Andhra but now we are used to it. In summer vacation when we go to Andhra with children we never feel of coming back.
The jack fruits over ripened on the tree, it seems, a sweet smell is spread out. When I looked at the tree an old song moved in my memory.
“Is a fruit heavy to a tree?
For a mother is the child heavy?”
Such big fruits, that too so many are carried by the tree.
The leaves of the coconut palm moved impatiently complaining as if I am not caring them.
“Vasu, vasu” my husband hurriedly came calling me.
“Why so much hurry? What’s the matter?”
Taking his bag and keeping it aside I asked him.
“If I give you sweet news what will be your return gift?”
“I’ll put a jackfruit piece in your mouth”
“That’s all? With rounded lips and expressive eyes he asked.
I too had a feeling of laughing but pretending anger “nothing more than that. Even if I am ready to give your age already crossed to take it”
Pulling his white hair amid the black I said.
“This is too much. With a pretext of grown up children and graying hair how can we kill our desires? In some countries my age is still the marriageable age”
I laughed when I heard this –marriageable age. Our traditions and customs might have molded us this way I think. Bride grooms at a certain age, fathers at another specific time has been absorbed in our blood itself.
“Are you interested in listening it or not?”
“Spell it out? When did I say that?”
“For us, I mean to sri vijay bhushan, in your language the husband of Vasudhadevi has secured a place in the lap of Telugu mother”
“Tell me clearly” with a confusion of half clarity I asked.
“I am transferred to Hyderabad vasu”
“I felt as if I heard a melodious music. Many beautiful scenes moved in front of my eyes hazily. My happiness knew no bounds from that day. Children grumbled to leave the habituated place and their friends.
Some how the ‘D-day has arrived.
We take l;eave from our neighbors.
Chandini and chetan started crying. Cuddling them and faring good bye to the home I had a last look at it.
The flower beds which I nurtured as my children, and plants seemed as if they are asking me “can you go leaving us?”
My eyes turned misty. The kinship of plants and human should be known to a person like me alone but not to all.
As we steeped into the train I forgot about everything. My birth and childhood at Hyderabad, and study returned to memory line and made me feel happy.
Recollections of childhood days of youth how melodious were they!
After a long journey facing many troubles we reached the capitol of our Andhra Pradesh. My brother and sister in law with Rahul came to station.
“How do you do“he greeted us all.
“Where did you see the house?” nodding my head I asked him.
“Near to my home, we will have a feeling of staying together if it is close by. More over rents are a bit less”
“Leave the rents, we should feel happy that we can stay close by” I said.
“I too said the same” sister in law laughing as a white jasmine, in a crystal clear way said. That is her specialty.
“How are you?” nudging the shoulder I asked my nephew Rahul, the only son of my brother.
To say the reality he is a gem. His attitude, good will, seriousness and concentration on his studies, I should challenge and say that it’s lacking in the present generation. “O God! Hoe fast has he grown, surpassing us and equaling my brother? Now with your new moustaches you are so hand some! If Chandini is a bit older ……..“I said closing one of my eyes.
“O aunty!” Rahul felt shy.
We all reached my brother’s home. Four days we stayed with them and proceeded to our own in that old city. Children adjusted fast. They cry and forget everything soon.
Rahul played a major role in interior arrangement of the home. He knew very well the exact placement of things and where should they fit properly. “The girl who marries him is lucky´ I thought looking at Chandini
When he was a child he used to roam around me.
**************************
Already four months passed after our shifting. Suddenly a disturbance cropped up in city especially in the old city where we stay.
Rivalry between Hindus and Muslims! They guessed the reason as per their convenience. Whatever it might be it resulted in stabbings and flow of blood.
I felt revulsion. All are humans! Then why do these quarrels crop up? Every one has blood and flesh but on the name of religion quarreling this way is inhuman- I thought. Schools declared holidays and children reached home. Curfew was imposed. Only employees under unavoidable circumstances are going to offices on curfew passes. No body can come out of the houses. CRPs are guarding the places. Children felt it strange. Though they have holidays they couldn’t play with other children. They felt vexed. Police passed an order that we should not open the doors. If any one goes out it might be their ultimate day for life. No body knows who kills whom.
What ever it might be a man is killing his fellow being and his fraternity – Indian.
Watching this nuisance, the streams of blood, only one went on shedding the tears. She is our mother India. Her tears forming the rivers is not an auspicious sign for the country. We have no water, no power; no vegetables when the curfew was relaxed if we go out to buy the rates of commodities reached the sky.
But no other way is left. We purchased and had the food I that way.
One day when curfew was relaxed Rahul came up as a rocket. “Aunty, do you need anything? Any way I am going to the market. I’ll bring. Mummy asks me not to go, but I am not a kid “he smiled.
A male child always treats him as an older one and treats himself as a hero.
“How can you say so? Fear ifs fear. Be careful” I said.
He never returned home alive. Somebody stabbed this young child. Eyes filled with aspirations and a never fading smile on lips one who never did any harm to others was killed by someone.
Only son and after much waiting they had him. And the doctor said very firmly that there is no chance to have children further.
They brought him up very carefully saying ‘one is enough’
How can I console my brother and sister in law? Crying endlessly how can I wipe their tears?
I can’t describe how many parents mourned the death of their children and how many children lost their parents in my surroundings. How many more such incidents might be there around the city?
Waiting hopefully to reach Hyderabad and after reaching there have I waited for this- the thought squeezed my heart.
There is no change in the glassy eyes of brother and sister in law. Fredrick the great already said that every human with in him is a cruel animal.
It befits well here. There is no discrimination of Hindu or Muslim here. Taking trouble if some one uproots these cruel feeling in human beings man can turn into a super human –I thought.
The old city has started recovering from its mourning and death philosophy. Even now the thought itself palpitate my heart. Rahul comes to my mind. Others who died the same way come to my memory. Their parents come to my thoughts. Every ones mother India recalls in my thoughts.
When these thoughts suffocated me I couldn’t control my tears. Standing at the window with tear filled eyes when I was watching at far Chetan budged me.
“What do you want?”
“Is it the first eleventh day of the solar month? (Toli ekadasi) “
“So what?”
“From today it seems the festivals begin, my friends’ mother said”
I looked into his eyes. May be with the happiness of the forth coming festivals his eyes reflected the full moon light.
Jostle of festivals, sweets and hots, new clothes interest might be more in this age group children?
“But in reality what we get from today are not the real festivals…Not at all”
“squashing the cruelty under the feet, developing fraternity, breaking the walls of caste and creed laying a foundation at a very happy place with new ideas and endless aspirations , imagine a palace on that foundation. To get that day in reality your generation should try. If that day arrives, when the mother India laughs pleasantly that day we have our festival.” I said emotionally.
“What is it mom?” Chetan was asking perplexed.
My eyes still lingered in the scene I described. They are watching that beautiful scene in the dreams.
I stood there as a statue awaiting for that festival day to come , hoping that it would come soon.
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Silent heaven
November 26th, 2009 — stories
Muktevi Bharathi
Translation swatee sripada
“Let us go on a tour for a month” Sarojini said adjusting the string of jasmines in her hair.
“You go” slipping his spectacles on to the nose Ramam said.
Son and daughter invite them to their homes but Ramam says it’s not possible for him to go some where.
“We are going to our children, not any where else” Sarojini says.
“Ok. You go have I objected you?” Ramam said.
“You know I can’t go leaving you alone. That is your cunningness” his wife Sarojini said.
Sarojoni is very talkative, greets and treats every one with her jubilant nature. She is a great connoisseur in extending the conversation. When she was praised by the Neighbors for her skill stating “Aunty, you are very social” or “sister you are the jostle of the group” she feels happy. She says that talking to all with a smile is dear to her and she doesn’t like the serious attitude.
Sarojini inquires the troubles of one and all, including the servant maid, vegetable vender and milk man. Though Ramam is a bit conserved he enjoys her talk while eating. He feels proud with in for her hostess quality of cooking and serving the guests happily.
“What?” Ramam went on going through the paper.
“What is this? When I said let us go and see our son and daughter?”
“It’s ok” Ramam agreed.
Sarojini’s face glistened with happiness.
**********
As soon as they entered their daughter’s home their grand son greeted them starting his scooter.
“Hi grand ma and grand pa “
Breakfast and lunch as usual went on. Everywhere silence alone ruled.
Son in law will not return before eight in the night from the bank. At least daughter used to be garrulous like mother, but now she too minimized her talk.
What might be the reason?
After dinner she said, “Mom you use this room. I’ll ask bobby to sleep in mine.” She said.
After that taking a book she went into her room.
“The boy went in the morning, still he hasn’t returned?” worriedly Sarijini asked her daughter.
“With in an hour he will come, don’t you worry. He should attend the tuition after the college” she said coolly giving her the snacks plate.
Sunday he remained at home. Father in law and son in law had a talk about politics for a while.
“Bobby, come here.” Sarojini called her grandson. He came and sat by her side.
“You are working hard so much, day and night. Is there any hope of getting a state rank?” she inquired.
He chuckled and said, “ I am afraid, whether I could be qualified in the entrance or not?”
“Why? Your mother is spending so much for tuitions and struggling for you?”
Bobby was vexed by that time and tried to go in.
“Sit, what about your second language? Is it telugu?” she asked.
“It’s Hindi” he replied.
“What is this without going for your mother tongue?”
Luckily his cell rang. With that pretext he came out from that room.
**********
“What’s this mummy? Grand ma is so boring. So many queries she puts? How much she talks, my God!”
Sudha said in a low voice, “I too used to talk more than that. Your father made me shut my mouth. He is reserved and talks less. He likes me too that way. Now even if I want, I couldn’t get the words” she sighed.
Bobby was not there.
*********
Sarojini was impatient. Do we need only this breakfast and food? She never squats by my side and talks. Never says when her husband gets a promotion. At least never asks whether the food is good or not. Never asks to come to a temple. Why did she change so much? Whether he likes our coming here or not? Probably she can’t convey that to us. So that’s why she might be reserved.
Sarojini’s mind stained at this thought. She felt irritated at Sudha.
“Let us go to our son tomorrow” she said.
“You planned for fifteen days. Not even a week completed” Ramam laughed.
************
Son and daughter in law came to station to receive them. Driver kept their luggage in the car.
“Have you taken leave for us? We can come know” she said to her son.
“Today we had a holiday” Murali said.
As soon as the car stopped at the gate the servant maid took the luggage inside.
“Aunty, this is your room. This is AC switch. Remote control is there. You can watch serials happily. Uncle, I brought English magazines for you. Ash-tray is here”
When Shanti, their daughter in law explained Sarojini felt very happy.
“How she arranged all these for us” she said to Ramam, who was watching the TV
“This is their guest room” Ramam smiled.
“What do you mean?”
“Let them be guests or relatives, who ever comes to their house, they give this room”
“Are we the guests now?” her face at once turned pale.
*****
Ramam was turning the pages of the books.
Shanti was seated in front of the computer. Grand daughter went to her friend’s home. Her son was talking to some one on phone.
Sarojini felt bored and went into the kitchen.
The cook was busy doing her work.
“Let me cook brinjal today. My son likes it” she said.
The cook remained silent paying no heed to her, went on doing her work. Meanwhile Shanti came in hurriedly.
“Aunty, don’t disturb her. She is too busy to spare a minute. She will not talk to anyone.” Shanty said in an irritated manner.
“My son…….” Sarojini tried to say something.
“Please, go out aunty. There is a list of day-wise cooking. Don’t interfere”
Sarojini was shocked to her words and retreated into the room.
The cook never talks. The servant maid never talks.
This looks strange! Though worried she never exposed.
Two days passed..
Silence…Sarojini couldn’t bear it. Daughter in law never talks in a pleasant mood. Grand daughter never comes close to her. Son, when at home always remains on the phone… can’t they talk to me. Tears welled up in Sarojini’s eyes.
For lunch or dinner too she says
“You and uncle have the food, we‘ll eat later.” She says.
Where is the fault? Talk alone gives the strength and life to humans.
***************
When the calling bell sounded Sartojini went and opened the door. A wife and a husband with four year child were there. Friend’s of Shanti.
Sarojini felt happy to see people. Shanti came out from inside, Sarojini too sat there in sofa and went on talking to them asking their native place and other details.
Shanti couldn’t tolerate it.
“Come, let us sit in my room” she took them into her room. Sarojini moved to hers.
“See, that girl belongs too Vijayawada, the child is so cute” she said to her husband.
Ramam, staring at the door couldn’t turn his gaze. Shanti was standing there.
“It’s not polite to talk to who ever comes home. I didn’t like it you should stay in your room” Shanti left the place angrily.
Sarojini couldn’t understand what her fault was. She should not talk to others. She secretly wiped her tears.
What is this not talking? She couldn’t get the idea behind it. How much happiness is there in talking and how much affection?
How soothing it would be if one can talk openly to some one?
Sarojini’s mind got upset.
Not talking, is it a part of new fangled fashions?
Is it the characteristic of the great?
Is it a main point of globalization?
No answer came to her mind. She is not a home maker solely. She is a retired bank employee, taking rest after working for more than twenty years.
Ramam watched everything; he came there to fulfill her desire only.
*********
“Let us go tomorrow” that night Sarojini said to her husband.
Ramam laughed and said
“I’ll not come. I’ll come after a week”
“Ok. You stay. Let me go” her voice turned hoarse.
“Let us go to night itself“. He stroked her cheeks. In her grey hair silver strands laughed.
***********
As soon as Sarojini launched her neighbor Sharada arrived.
“Aunty, today your lunch is at my home” she said. Sarojini felt happy.
“Without you there is no life at all” Radhamma, the next door neighbor said.
“Grandma, daddy took out all the guava to sell. Not even one he has given me” servant maid Rangi’s son complained.
“Leave it, I’ll buy for you. Go and bring the guava” Sarojini kept the money in his hands taking it out from her purse.
Sarojini breathed happily. Jasmines bloomed at the backyard. Rangi plucked the flowers. She made a string of it.
She made it two and offered one to the servant maid.
“Sis, let us go to a movie in the evening, my elder one will buy the tickets” next door Radha came to confirm
“Take for Rangi too, I’ll pay the amount” she said smiling.
Rangi felt elated as she was taking her also to the movie.
Ramam, standing at the compound wall was talking politics to the neighbor.
“Come and have hot hot coffee amid your talk, come in brother” she invited them keeping the coffee cups on the tea table.
Sunday evening Sharada and Sarojini were playing chess at Sarojini’s home. Ramam went to club. After a tete- a- tete Sharada asked, “You people went so far, can’t you stay there a month, you never go leaving the home “
Sarojini chuckled.
“We can’t stay in that silent heaven. Everything is there at home. How can it be if no one talks to no one? Do we need only food/ that food is here too. I can’t bear that silence. So we can’t stay there. I thought I’ll forget the words” sarojini replied with a laugh.
*************
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Mean thoughts
November 24th, 2009 — stories
Vavilakolanu Rajya lakshmi translation: swatee sripada
“Madam”
“Ha”
“You should do me a favor”
“Ha”
“Madam, I am talking to you” Rattalu increased her pitch cleaning vessels in the sink
“Oh! Listening, tell me the matter”
“You must do me the favor”
Sitting near to the kitchen and watching TV in the hall Prabhavati turned at her and said,
“Asking favor and favor but you never said what is that favor. Would you like to ask some money to buy books to your children? Schools have already opened”
“no madam I bought all the things for them, my husband has given the money”
“Then, what else, Rattalu?”
“The thing is, last Thursday I went to market to buy school dresses to my children madam, while coming back after the purchase, near the temple something soft touched my feet. When I bent down and looked at it, it’s a purse, purse of men. Its full .i took it up and examined. I thought of returning it if the lost person is seen. But none was there. Everyone was busy with their business. People were moving on the roads up and down. Immediately I pushed the purse into my bag of clothes. …………”
Prabhavati intruded anxiously when Rattalu went on narrating the scene. “Is there any money in it? How much was that?”
“Wait, Madam. Let me complete. If my husband gets the smell of it, it’s all over. He makes it a fuss and asks me to take it throw from where I had picked it. So I threw it on to the attic behind a wooden box and relaxed. Then I forgot everything. Today suddenly I remembered and climbing a chair I took it out. Inside it were many new long currency notes, but not of our country. What to do with them? Whose amount it would be? My hard earned money is enough for me, but what to do that?”
“If you have such feelings why did you pick up the purse from the ground?”
“That is the biggest mistake committed by me”
Some people naturally picks up whatever looks on the ground and examine it. Rattalu too belongs to that category. But she is good, went to primary school and educated up to third class.
Her language too seems polite and soft. Some times she uses the colloquial accent.
“Have you seen any papers or phone numbers or credit cards? If we call to that phone number the owner of the purse may come and collect it”
“Nothing of that sort madam, I swear except the note not even a bit of paper was there. I have thrown away the purse and brought these notes to show you” Rattalu wiped her wet hands to her clock and took out the notes from her blouse and handed over them to Prabhavati.
All the notes were new in light pink colour. Prabhavati stared at them carefully. It was printed on the top ‘bank of England’ below number twenty and pounds words were also there. In the middle of the note a beautiful queen’s face was printed. She counted; total twenty five notes were there.
“This is not our currency Rattalu. It belongs to English people. Somebody from there visiting our country might have lost the purse. Do you know the value of this money?” she calculated orally and said the amount, nearly more than thirty thousand rupees.
Rattalu felt shocked and dumb struck as soon as she heard it.
“Oh! God! Such a big amount then what should I do with these? Shall I give them to the police?”
“You fool. If you give them to the police the matter ends there. They ask you so many questions about the money. How did you get them? Have you stolen them any where? Or joined hands with terrorists? Have they given the money as an agreement to keep a bomb somewhere? Not only asking the questions they beat you up to accept the crime and keep you in prison. They snatch the entire money to enjoy.”
Prabhavati explained her in detail.
“What to do madam?”
“Have you told me the truth alone?”
“Yes Madam, I promise and take an oath on the God what I said is true”
“Shall I believe it?”
“I swear on my children and my husband madam, what I said is exactly the truth.”
“What shall we do this amount?”
“What do I know madam, shall I put them in the temple charity box?”
Prabhavati couldn’t even trace any kind of greed in her innocent face.
She believed that Rattalu revealed the truth only.
“Night when my son comes from office I’ll talk to him and tell you. To change them into our currency we should take them to a bank or a currency exchange office, ok meanwhile keep them with you” she tried to give them back.
“No, no I don’t want them keep them with you Madam” Rattalu left .
When prabhavati’s son arrived from the office she explained the matter and asked his help.
“Mom, I am too busy with my office work. I can’t do anything. Give them off to her. Let them do what they can” she knew her son’s mentality so remained silent.
Just before going to sleep she had a flashing idea and went into sleep peacefully.
*********** **********
Next day Prabhavati went to her neighbor Parijatham. After usual exchanges she asked about her husband.
“Has he gone to the office, if he had been here now it would have served better?”
“Tell me the matter. Evening after his return I’ll convey the same.”
“I think your son stays at London. You too visited them. I have a few ponds currency. It may not be difficult for you to change them into our currency, I think. I have to go to a bank or to some office; my son is too busy. He can’t do”
“Oh! For this only? I’ll tell him. If you don’t mind, shall I ask you- how did you get the currency?”Parijatham asked with a smile.
Prabhavathi hesitated a while but as she find nothing wrong to reveal the fact she narrated Rattalu’s story.
As soon as she heard it there was a change in the gesture of Parijatham. A month back she used to work at Parijatham’s home too. Due to a minor problem she left the work. Though she requested her to work Rattalu refused.
“That is the reason for her unhappiness. Now through this lady have we to help her?” she struggled with these feelings but outwardly
“It’s ok, but hasn’t she stolen this in some home? Unnecessarily we get fixed in problems” she said seriously.
“No, no she is not that sort of lady. She is sincere. You too know that. I asked number of times about it and confirmed the same. Give this money to your husband” she had the offered coffee and returned to her home.
***********
Next day as soon as Rattalu came she started crying loudly holding the feet of Prabhavati. After much consoling she revealed the matter.
“They both called me in when I am coming here and started blaming me. They say that I had stolen it from their home when I worked there. Their son, it seems had given that money to them when they visited him recently.
They say it’s their money.. the same notes and the same amount.
Why did you tell them this madam? They threatened me that they book a robbery case on me and send me to jail. If my husband comes to know all this he will kill me”
Prabhavati never expected such a twist to the story and could not think of what to do.
Rattalu regretted her act of picking up the purse and Prabhavati asking their help.
Parijatham and her husband did government jobs and retired two years before. They both together every month get nearly 25 thousand pension. Only son is an engineer. Working at London and earning lakhs.
Costly car and luxurious home, shops and houses to fetch rents are there.
They never attempted any charity work or worship. Still he is doing a private chit fund business. At this age too instead of going towards spiritual life they yearn to earn money.
Prabhavati consoled Rattalu and assured that she would look in to the matter.
***************
Before Prabhavathi could plan anything, Parijatham came there.
“Rattalu might have told you everything. You believed her blindly. Have you seen how she pretended? She had stolen the money when she worked for me and now acted innocence and narrated you the bogus stories. My husband searched our currency too to exchange with yours. It was not there. The notes you have given are exactly the same of my husbands too. When we threatened her of complaining to police she confessed her crime and asked us to keep the money. …”
‘When she went on and on in a loud pitch, Prabhavathi felt the revulsion and said
“You never said that you lost the money?”
“How can I know that…now only I came to know about my husband too realized it now…”
“Let it be. At least you got your money through me. Go knows who is right and who is wrong, we don’t know, whom to believe and whom not.”
“What do you mean? Am I lying?” she asked angrily.
“Not that” she convinced her, offered a glass of orange juice cooled her and sent her away.
Exactly after three days Prabhavati clambered down the auto and turning the key in the lock.
“Where did you go madam, I came and saw two time. The door was locked. I have come again to do the work”
Rattalu asked.
“I am coming from the hospital, “she went in and squatted in a chair.”
“What happened? Some one is not well?”
“Didn’t you know this Rattalu?”
“What Madam?”
“Parijatham’s husband met with an accident today.”
“Oh, God. I didn’t know otherwise I would have come with you to the hospital. How is he now?” Rattalu showed sympathy.
“The car was damaged completely. She had minor injuries. He was in the driving seat, so a leg was broken, they are doing the operation. The Doctors said that it may take at least six months to recover. The expenses may come to a lakh.”
As she heard Rattalu sighed deeply, showing her forefinger up, like a philosopher “the God knows what is right and what is wrong. He knows everything” she said.
Prabhavathi could understand her comment “we don’t know why some people are greedy. There should be a limit for everything. What comes with us when we breathe the last? Mean attitudes and miserly nature” she went into kitchen. Rattalu followed her.
 
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Mother’s day
November 22nd, 2009 — stories
Indraganti Janaki Bala
Translation Swatee Sripada
When the phone went on ringing before it turned morning, Shakunthala took the phone lying beside her pillow, with out even opening her eyes. Guessing who it might be, kept the phone near the ear and said “hello”
“Shaku! A good news for you! To tell you that I made this awakening call” Vanaja said from the other side.
“Good news! What’s it? Spell it out, spell it out”
She hastened her.
“By ten you come to my studio. In the process of selecting you as an anchor it was twelve last night. I thought of calling you immediately. Why to disturb, so I am calling you now” at a breath she said.
“Is it?” casting away her laziness Shakuntala shouted loudly.
“It is not even April first” Vanaja laughed.
“I can’t believe it”
“Now you believe it, get up, get ready and double up. Don a bright colourful dress, if you have. we too have costumes here, let us see. Make up its ok. Bye” she cradled the phone.
Suddenly she felt awakened. When she could understand what Vanaja said she at once experienced the tension.
As she can’t digest what to do for a while she remained squatted there. Though happy on one side, a kind of dissatisfaction bothered within. The desire that she was dreaming for quite a long time materialized suddenly. Now, she has to utilize the chance and prove herself.
She hopped off the bed. Lavanya on the other bed by her side, removing aside the blanket from her face “Oh! It’s already day for you” again she kept it in.
By eight thirty keeping her feet in shoes
“I am leaving” she said.
“All the best bye” Lavanya waved her hand.
Changing two buses by the time she reached the TV office its not even quarter to ten.
She sighed with relief, entered in. once she had been there with Vanaja.
A boy standing there asked “are you Shakuntala madam? Vanaja madam will come. Come in and be seated”
He took her in and showed a chair.
A big office table was there in the middle of the room. Around it ten glistening were arranged. Already arranged water glasses were there. Shakuntala had a glass of water and had it thirstily. She felt comfortable. Tension subsided and she felt settled. No idea of what to do and how to do.
Suspense till Vanaja arrives, but something should be done instantaneously and perfectly. It’s a challenge.
Vanaja entered in as a storm “Hi, Shaku, you are very lucky” she moved her holding her shoulders.
“Yes, thank you very much” she said softly.
“It’s ok. Did you know how great the programme is, that you are going to anchor for the first time?”
Shakuntala with a blank face said, “How do I know?”
“Tomorrow is the mother’s day. In that context we have a programme. Two renowned women writers, a doctor and a psychiatrist in between a cooking programme by a mother and a daughter. Entire programme yours only”
As soon as she heard mother’s day Shakuntala showed resent on her face. But it seems Vanaja had not noticed her gesture. So immediately she took out a script of four pages from the drawer,
“There is no equal to a mother in greatness. No where we could get the sweetness of words except in mothers. The melody in a mother is a rare boon. As she went on reading Shakuntala felt infuriated but the idea that she has to read it in a beautiful way with splendid gesture, making a strong influence on the listeners shriveled her down.
In a traditional dress and ultra modern makeup with bangles up to elbows, with a heavy locket chain joining the hands and separating them , swaying the neck strangely nodding the head and moving the eyes in circular way quivering her body beautifully Shakunthala by hearted the script in half a minute and spelled it out easily.
The programmer came to her two three times and said “the language is good, even expression too. But the feeling should be still stronger”
She performed it to her maximum.
After two hours recording it was ok. Doctors, writers and cooks distributed the motherhood to one and all happily.
Finally he said, “Everything is ok. But still care should be taken in expressing the feelings “
“This is first time, know?” said Vanaja.
“Yes, yes” he nodded his head and left the place.
Vanaja shook the hand and said “let us meet day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I should go and meet my mother. .don’t miss the programme. You should tell the details, bye”
Shakuntala came out. A kind of heart burning, mental disturbance and a bit of despair…..
Grief overwhelmed. A month back, her thoughts, ideas, aspirations were different. Suddenly, it seemed, the colourful flower garden was wiped out in a storm.
** ** **
When Shakuntala was about to leave the home that day Mahalakshmi aunty entered in calling “Tulasi”.
As soon as she entered in had a stare at Shakuntala, expressed her enrapture with eyes,
“No cinema star equals you” joining her thumb and fore finger indicate ‘superb’ gesture.
She felt shy said” thank you aunty” and exited.
Meanwhile Tulasi peeped out into the hall and invited her “come in Lakshmi”
Shakuntala returned to take the address slip left in the showcase in hall. She heard strange things.
Hough you got her on the road, such a beautiful girl you could get Tulasi” Maha Lakshmi said.
Very clearly and neatly when she heard this Shakuntala stood there shocked.
“Oh! Close people say that she never looks like my daughter and no resemblances at all” Tulasi said showing her affection.
Shakunta felt the uneasiness and heaviness in her heart.
“In reality even Hemamalini also didn’t have such a beautiful kid, whose daughter she might be probably a royal lady might have delivered and thrown her out”
Shakuntala could understand the matter entirely.
Nearly four five years back when her uncle Vivekam came she had a suspicion in his talking way. But soon it went off aside.
She took the slip from under the doll in the show case. Tears were not at all controlled. “Who am I? If Tulasi is not my mother, then who is my true mother? They were talking the same thing. When my mother left me on the road, she accepted me and brought me up, it seems.”
Instead of feeling the overwhelming love on her for bringing her up in that movement a sort of revenge and fury on her own mother welled up. Tulasi came out as she heard the sound in hall, saw Shakuntala and felt apprehensive. More over with a pale face and eyes filled with tears when she watched her she felt anxious. She was dumbstruck. Shakuntala dumped herself in the sofa and started crying bitterly. Mahalakshmi came out, realized her fault and tried to correct it.
“Shaku, my dear, what is this?” she tried to convince her but she started crying loudly.
Both could not understand what to do.
Shakuntala, who went out happily in a full swing with final touches to her makeup with in no time turned ugly with a pale face, undone hair and smears of kajal and tears on her cheeks. Mahalakshmi and Tulasi convinced her and revealed her the truth when no way was left.
“I thought of revealing this to you but the days passed on. Suddenly your overhearing it this way and feeling troubled pains me. But what is my fault? We were in Bellary at that time. Early morning when I came out to clean and put the Rangoli at the premises, I saw you in old rags. Astonished I took you up into my hands and surveyed the surroundings. Nobody was seen. I woke up your father; I mean my husband and said the matter. Neighbors gathered and made an issue, asked us to handover the child in a police station. But we both decided to keep the child with us only. We showed the child to doctor and used the medicines. By that time, probably you were ten to twelve days old only.”
“Your father brought you up as dear as his own life. Always we both talked about you. Just before death too, he was anxious about you”
Tulasi started weeping.
*** **** ***
Not before a week Shakuntala can turn normal. As if she entered into a new world and a new life she felt. Every minute she treated herself as an orphan, as soon as the birth mother had left her, and this feeling haunted her and wounded her. She could not share it with Tulasi who had brought her up more than a mother.
“This maternity, love of mother motherly feeling all are trash, I believe. They say that a mother after delivering the child can sacrifice even her life for it but only to say and to listen. It’s not true. May be after the birth as she brings up the child with out even leaving it a minute a kind of kinship develops. An attachment results and the mother struggles for them, that too with in her limits, with out loosing her modesty, her comforts her individuality her aspirations but not at the stake of them. If not so why mothers abandon their infants here and there? They say because of circumstances. So when the situation favors them then all the love affection and everything. Even if a father, from the birth of a child remains attached to it, doing all the required service, feeding it, and comforting when it cries, he too will have the motherly attitude and what not. Delivering a child is a mechanical process. No need to high light it. And no need to neglect also.
There is no rule that because a child comes out from the womb of a woman that lady should have immense love for it. Love is a habit, a bonding, an attachment. That’s all.”
Shakuntala remained gaping listening her words.
“I can’t believe what you say. When everything turned a false suddenly…”
“Don’t believe at once, slowly you try and understand”
“Everything is perplexing” Shakuntala uneasily nodded her head.
“ if you oblige that love persists only due to giving birth, your real mother who left you eighteen years back delivering you, should have more love compared to Tulasi who had brought you up……..”
“No, no.. My mother, I mean who brought me up had matchless love for me. In these twenty day, she is really emaciated”
“So leave your useless foolish thoughts. What we can get in this life is the love. It is ignorance that we became restless as is we lost something else where.” she looked at Shakuntala in a friendly way and smiled.
So many meanings materialized in her smile.
Gargi’s (who was working for the woman heart organization) words worked on Shakuntala excellently. Since last twenty days she had been put up with Shakuntala as she annoyed her. So many times her mother implored her but it was in vain. She refused to go there. The reason is not known. When Lavanya came to know the matter her brought her there. It looks as if the clouds are cleared. Immediately, she felt some one has taken out the pain in her heart.
“Only women should bring up children means constantly they should do that work. They should not get vexed. The infant gets the breast milk from mother alone. So the whole work is allotted to women. If given casually they may revolt, they may demand men to do the service to children. So mesmerizing them with magical words like womanish attitude, maternity, motherhood, and maternal love they made them to work. Otherwise, changing the diapers, giving bath, looking after when they are sick everything falls on men. So they left the work unanimously saying that the brought up of the children is the duty of women alone. If a wife expires after giving birth to children they marry immediately and defend themselves saying that the child should be brought up- as if justifying their act.
If we think wisely, there is no discrimination as the work of man or woman. Every one can do every work if tried.
Once haven’t they said that man only can earn? Now, are the women not working?
**********
If the reality is considered let the human be man or woman it is natural to expel the obstacles in the way of living.
Here there is no separate rule for a mother or a father.
“Don’t spoil your mood thinking about the by gone past. We can only try to understand the people and their acts in the past” Gargi breathed fast after a long lecture.
Children too when they are brought up in a home with parents they have love and bonding. Many people complain that if they are brought up away from them they never had any love for the parents. They feel bad and It was treated as the western culture. The decision of visiting parents at least once in a year is not related to love and kinship. It has not yet spread into our culture. We make this habit very actively” she stopped.
Shakuntala tweaked suddenly. As if the talk is over she was going through her papers..
“Let me take leave. It’s good to come to you and listen your talk. How can I express………..”
“Don’t express. Be happy. Don’t worry your mother at this age. Come and see me now and then” Gargi said.
Again she lifted her head, “I think tomorrow your programme is there in TV, I’ll watch” she said smiling.
“Oh!! Would you………..it’s all……….”
Gargi chuckled. “How you said is important but not what you said”
Shakuntala came out with Lavanya purchased fruits and sweets, getting into an auto “Bye Lavanya” she said.
Shakuntala was anxious to go fast and see her mother.
“I should gift my mother a bouquet tomorrow and I should not trouble her at all” she thought.
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The smoke -stories in translation
September 30th, 2009 — stories
potturi vijayalakshmi
translation-swatee sripada
It’s four in the evening. Warmth in the winter sunlight has already reduced.
Sharada, watching the TV hither to, got up lazily. She had her coffee. Her husband went to their village. He may return the next day. No feeling of doing anything, she felt vexed and after thinking a while she rang up to Radha.
“Sure, you must come, I’ll be at home. Mrs. Murthy is also here. We all can gossip happily” Radha said.
She hooked up the phone and called “Meena”
“Ha Memsahib” Meena arrived running.
Sharada informed about her going and said “I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Ok, Memsahib” she locked all the doors.
By the time Sharada came out wearing a sari Meena’s eldest daughter Maitri was there ready in the verandah.
As soon as she came out Meena locked the main door and handed over the keys to her and bid farewell coming up to the gate.
“Carefully accompany madam” she warned her daughter.
Sharada felt of laughing, as she was going alone Meena sent her daughter as an escort. She was always like that. Talking to that girl, within no time she reached the house. The servant working at the premises ran in and Radha came out immediately “come” greeting her she invited.
“Now you go back” sending away Maitri Sharada went in.
Mrs. Murthy greeted warmly.
All the three lost in chit chatting. They had tea. Again tête-à-tête. Radha prevented her many times when Sharada was ready to go. She crouched her compelling. It became night and street lights were switched on.
Suddenly the smoke from the fire made by coal and dung cakes from the stove intruded into the house as a cloud, invaded the entire home and suffocated them.
“Oh! The stupid smoke, it’s a headache every morning and evening” Radha expressed her annoyance.
“So easily you say –a headache. Exactly at the dusk when we have to light the lamps, it’s the time for them to make smoke. My husband says the mosquitoes would die of this smoke. But the mosquitoes roam about hale and healthy. We are suffering. At every home this is the fun” Mrs. Murthy said.
“We never had any smoke at my home” Sharada said.
Mrs. Murthy stared at her strangely “may be your outhouse people had a gas connection” she mocked.
“They don’t have the gas, but no smoke comes out and covers the entire home this way” Sharada stressed it.
“Your servant maid probably had a technique in her hands to cook without smoke” Radha too smiled. Sharada too laughed and changed the topic. After a while she got up and aid good bye to them. They both bid farewell.
After walking a while Sharada realized that she forgot the keys. She turned back and walked towards the gate. Mrs. Murthy and Radha, while walking into the house were talking in loud voices.
“What a boasting! If she flatters about saris or jewelry its ok, we can pay heed. But if she blusters –saying we don’t get smoke and we get milk from the taps how can we believe?” they were talking about her.
Sharada stopped there itself. As they went in, she went up to the gate and yelled “Radha”
Radha came running. When she came to know the matter,
“Oh! I haven’t noticed” she went in brought the keys and handed over it to her.
“Ok, bye” Radha moved on. Their words resounded in her ears.
“Sharada is egoistic. She boasts of everything when she opens her mouth” it’s not a new comment that Sharada heard. From the child hood she is used to it. In fact she didn’t like boasting at all. Sharada talks naturally but listeners feel that she is boasting.
When she was very young when her fellow children commented her “ego” directly, she felt bad and fought with them.
When grown up nobody comments directly but talks and laughs behind.
So she couldn’t know. When at times she comes across such comments she analyses herself where she had boasted. If she can’t get it she asks others to find it out.
Once when she was young, a class mate in her talking narrated an incident, “yesterday my second brother in law came to my home. My mother was so worried and when she was in a dilemma of what to give him I went home from the school. My mother felt relieved when she saw me. I went to Swarajyam aunty’s home and brought a glass of sooji on loan to make Upma. Mom made Upma and fed my brother in law”
She narrated the help she did to her mother happily. Every one praised her.
She couldn’t get why one should feel so worried.
She asked that girl directly.
“Why to worry? Can’t you do with in no time you can make Sunni laddu, and fried cashews?” that girl blushed completely as if ready to cry fought with Sharada.
If a guest comes to their home they offer the same. When Sharada reached home crying with the insult her grand mother consoled her extracted everything from her. “My dear innocent, Sunni is a costly affair. It needs lots of ghee. We can afford but common people can’t go for it now and then. We have milking cows. No problem of ghee, so if some one comes immediately we take out the flour and mix it with ghee and jiggery, the same way the cashew nuts. All will not have cashew crops like your grand father. They buy in small quantities to use in sweets rarely. A girl who has to run for a loan of a glass of sooji if you ask this way definitely she would have felt that you mocked at her poverty”
She explained in detail and stroked her cheeks.
Sharada felt bad when she realized the fact. From then she made it a habit to ask others to know how her talk was a boating. When very young, her grand mother and grand father, after that she asked her husband to know many things.
She learned to talk very carefully but in one or the other situation she has to listen such comments. “What’s wrong or boastful in my talk now” thoughtfully she reached her home.
****************************
All the buildings are in a row as if arranged in toys show. All are similar. Behind them are the out houses. The smoke from them surrounded the buildings as a circle. But her own house looked as a crystal. No stove burned behind her home. Meena came forth to take the keys. “Haven’t you made fire to cook?” Sharada asked her.
When she asked so suddenly Meena faltered.
“Mornings Rotis are there” she replied.
“Ok” Sharada said. The next day she observed carefully.
That day too no fire was made when Meena was asked she replied
“No not made the fire. We had Sattu” that evening too she said they will eat Sattu.
As if to make them realize that she had no exaggeration in her words she called Radha who mocked at her and informed the same.
After listening, “once in a while it’s ok, but daily are they eating Sattu?” Radha expressed her surprise and incredibility. Sharada felt puzzled.
That evening she discussed the matter with her husband. He heard everything.
“Three types of people are here, in the out houses in this town. First type they work in the factories as class four employees. They get good pay. More over they have over times and bonus too. They have food and clothes as they like with all amenities like cycle, black and white TV, cots and chairs and live comfortable lives. They educate the children in government schools and especially boys they have a target to join them in the same factory as workers. Every minute they try for it and as soon as they get a chance they place them in the job. They do the marriages of girls with pomp and show with bands and videos and live a happy life.
The second type though they didn’t have a government job they get a fixed salary for every month and live their lives. They work in shops, cinema halls, petrol bunks, as cleaners in buses and workers in hotels. They have food and clothes but can’t afford for comforts. They never plan to educate their children. As soon as they grow they put them in one work or the other.
The third type- they depend on daily wages. They pull a rickshaw, go for manual labor and survive. No fixed labor work. They won’t get any work in rainy season. They have to spend every day as a risk only. They wear rags, sometimes without a square meal for two times they spend days with meager food. Mahesh in our out house belongs to this third type. So no surprise if they eat Sattu everyday.” He explained everything lucidly.
As soon as her husband went to play tennis Sharada called Meena.
She forced her to tell the truth. When Mahesh noticed that madam was asking his wife something he too came.
Casting her head down looking at the floor Meena went on narrating. Mahesh works as a labor in a lorry. That truck turned too old. One third of the earning goes for its repairs only. Meanwhile, one day as the breaks failed he dashed a buffalo it died and the owner with a mob attacked the truck owner and threatening him received the compensation. So the owner vexed with it sold out that truck.
In this nuisance Mahesh lost his work. The owner promised that he would take him into work after buying a new truck. Mahesh went on searching for a job, but in vain. No food grains remained at home. For a few days they managed with loans. That too ended up. Since last one week it was very difficult and almost they are starving. “We are spending days with whatever is given by you madam” she said.
Sharada felt uneasiness in her belly. They had three children. All the three Maitri, Dhatri and Gayatri are pretty. The last one Gayatri, just four year old talks to her , moves behind her. since last two three days when that girl went on drinking water at the tap “ its winter , you may get cold. Don’t play with water.” She shooed her away scolding.
But how could I know that it’s not playing with water just filling her stomach with it”
Yesterday all the three came there to watch the TV. Then she had some snacks. She offered a bit to each… with a denial they accepted.
The fact, though they were starving, and snacks were there in front of them but they never felt tempted and achieved that control moved Sharada.
Mornings she gives breakfast sufficient for a person. At lunch time if rice remains she gives it, keeping the other things in fridge. That meager rice they all share and survived?
But how much can it be in a house of two?
How can it be possible? How difficult it would be to remain hungry? Once in a while to perform adoring if she has to remain fasting she feels giddy. How can they starve days together?
Tears came in to Sharada’s eyes.
She rebuked Mahesh and Meena “you are in my home, if not with me with whom else can you share your problems? If required you can ask and take. Why to starve the children? “
“You are like our mother madam; you are giving more than what we deserve. How can we trouble you, so we haven’t asked?” Meena said helplessly.
“No problem! If I pay a ten rupees extra to you I‘ll not get any scarcity. You take whatever you want. Eat something at least twice a day. But don’t keep the young ones hungry” she said frankly.
“Madam” Mahesh expressed his thought squeezing his own hands
“How long can we beg and to eat if you and sir can show me a work we will survive chanting your names”
“OK, I’ll tell sir” she promised.
Immediately she got up and gave Meena kg rice, a quarter kg dal and some potatoes. “I say frankly, every time you should come and tell me what you cooked. I should know what you eat and how you live. If no food is available at least have some boiled rice water but don’t starve” she said firmly.
The couple nodded their heads and left the place. Immediately with out even a bit delay Meena made the fire and cooked children and Mahesh gathered at the food and they had it hot.
Sharada watched this jostle and felt contented and happy.
She felt delighted thinking that “serving the humanity is serving the God”
She felt satisfied that this body is meant for helping others.
As soon as her husband came she narrated everything.
“If you could procure a job for Mahesh somehow they can survive” she said.
“Let us see” he said.
****************
A month passed. Sharada, lying down on the bed and reading a novel lifted her head as she heard the soft footsteps. Meena, holding her palloo Gayatri were there.
Sharada felt of breaking her head.
“What do you want?” she asked a bit irritated.
“Nothing is there to cook madam” Meena replied casting her head down. Sharada sighed. “Come” she got up, went in and gave her a kg wheat flour and four onions. She came back sat on the bed holding her head.
With in four days of convincing Meena and Mahesh and helping them and feeling the delight the happiness and contentment went in to a corner swapping vexation and irritation.
As she watches Meena coming for begging she is feeling of slapping her, in fact no fault of theirs exists. She only made all the promises pulling and dragging them out as a political leader. But to put them into practice is the difficult task.
To say the fact Meena is not demanding anything extra as it comes free of cost. Mahesh, though getting the food everyday, without lying down lazily went on searching for a job regularly.
If he could get any work they are adjusting with that for a few days.
If nothing is left they are asking Sharada. That much help will not create any scarcity to Sharada. In fact Sharada had well off to feed the entire family through out her life.
But here, it’s not the question of her richness; it’s the ability of Meena. Begging is decided by the capability of the beggar but not the wealth of the donor. If a beggar visits even a corroder they pay in coins only but not the bundles of notes.
How long can I give… though I expressed my help? You look after your selves – to say this frankly the ego comes in to accept the defeat before a servant maid.
She thought that a weeks help is more than enough before Mahesh gets a job in the factory with the help of her husband. She thought, being an officer at high level her husband could see a work for him in that big factory.
****************
But she realized that it was not so easy, when she went on nagging her husband, postponing it for a long time finally he enquired seriously. There was no chance of a job even for those who completed apprenticeship four years back itself. The chances are very slim-it is confirmed.
She haunted him to find Mahesh a work at least on daily wages under a contractor, but there to a negation appeared. The contractor had no chance of giving any work directly. A union was there; there one should register paying the membership, then only they call when their turn comes to provide the work.
“Join in that union, I’ll pay the money” she offered. Mahesh returned with no hope at all. Already four hundred members are there in the list. With out providing work at least to half of them they will not take new members.
Sharada felt depressed and she realized the helplessness practically. Whom ever she met she narrated her problem and requested them to help her out.
She pleaded and failed.
Finally people started getting scared of Sharada. If she called though at home they arranged to say they were not there, to meet personally they searched a pretext to avoid her.
Days moved heavily. Everyday Mahesh went on searching for a work. When he couldn’t, Meena stood in front of Sharada, helplessly. Sharada went on trying without any vexation.
Days and weeks turned to months. Every one started spending their time in hopeless desperation.
Finally a ray of brightness appeared. Sharada’s trials resulted in a fruitful success. A convent school principal in that town provided a job to Mahesh, Salary500 rupees a month.
Mahesh felt overwhelmed with joy. A fixed salaried job more over working in a school so on holidays he could go for a work. Should save a bit and do the marriage of my daughter – he went in to dreams. No boundaries were there for the happiness of Sharada. She felt happy as if she got lakhs in a lottery. Meena couldn’t control her happiness, falling on Sharada’s feet she cried.
Summer, though seven in the evening, it was not yet dark. Unbearable heat Sharada came out from an ac room bathed with cold water, wearing a soft cotton sari she went in to the pooja room and burned an incense stick. The smoke spreading the fragrance moved up in the air. Meanwhile smoke from outside entered the house. Smoke of dung cakes and coal suffocating spread the entire home. Sharada breathing in full smoke into lungs sighed happily.
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Heads and tails– stories in translation
September 30th, 2009 — stories
Vani Vs Vani Poduri Krishna kumari
translation -swatee sripada
When the calling bell went on pestering without a pause I ran and opened the door feeling breathless. Satya-Satyavani came in as a combination of swiftness and whirlwind. With out even giving me a chance to say “come and sit” she dumped herself in the sofa with a Dhudel sound.
“Have you remembered? We had another Vani in our batch, Soumyavani? She is residing just in front of your home. It’s her house” breathlessly she said.
“What? Is she there? Come lets go and meet her” my happiness knew no boundaries.
“Oh my fool! The fool of fools! Never try to face her. If you touch her she will stick to you. How much I felt delighted for your settling here buying a house that much now I regret for her permanent stay here.” She said
“When she stays in her home, why do you feel so bad?” offering her snacks and coffee I said.
“What? a coffee, I am dead tired off coffee these days , more over High BP , recently even migration started haunting me, I should go for checking even the blood sugar I think,”
My God! Who would save me from this hypochondriac? A trivial trial as a wisp of grass to save myself from those floods
“You say something about that Soumya? What do you know about her?”
Saved! The direction changed.
“Is it a question? You might have seen her twenty five years back. Probably after her marriage you never had a chance to see her. Her own house is in this colony. All these days with the name of son’s studies and her job though she roamed elsewhere she used to come now and then top see the house and collect the rents. So we used to meet frequently.”
“What is her story?”
Her husband died long back, you know she married him against the wish of her parents. In laws refused to see her after their son’s death. This lady would you think leaves them? Dragged all to the court and collected the share of his property to her son?”
“What’s wrong in it?”
“You say this way only. You always supported her. But the thing to mention here is to educate her son and to get a job she spent one third of the property. Now this small house and her son’s job are the main sources for her survival.”
“Leave it, she is living her life” I advised.
“My dear fool, that‘s what I am going to tell you. Now her son had a disease it seems. She is spending a lot for the treatment. Recently she did his marriage too, now that girl left them and went to her mother.
Some disastrous disease it might be.
Now the thing is she is in troubles, if you greet her she bothers you asking loans and completely destroys you. You are so shy and humble. So I am warning you. You have no knowledge of day today affairs and craftiness. You should avoid the needy.” Munching the last snack she said
I felt dizzy.
“Where are you humanity?” I thought of yelling.
The ding dong of calling bell saved me, otherwise,,,, immediately her car horn too sounded.
“It’s my husband,” she too accompanied me to the door step.
At the door steps a woman stood there elegantly with a bare forehead and sweat drops on it glistening as stars in a moonless sky.
“Soumya” I said delighted
At that moment my mind has split into two parts, one filled with the affection on a friend who appeared after twenty five years and the other with the warm that Satyavani introduced into it.
From the car that paused at the gate Satyavani’s husband keeping out his head from the window he shouted “send Vani, I’ll come later another time”
“Let me take leave” moving away from Soumya Satyavani walked out.
“Don’t worry Satya, I’ll not make you a Doctor” Soumya said. Still the teasing small of those days moved on her lips.
“Haven’t I told you? She had a bit screws loose “as if saying this from behind Satya mimed and ran in to her car.
When I was in utter confusion
“The one who lends is a doctor know” said Soumya moving her eyes strangely.
I chuckled and invited her as the affection was victorious´ “come and sit:”
“The home is beautiful, systematic arrangement, on your house warming day itself I recognized you looking through my window”
” oh! You would have talked to me; I have no idea that you could be here.”
“Don’t worry”
“Just now Satya said about your stay here and you turned up”
“That’s why I think you felt happy instead of surprise?” (Has she noticed my suspicion too? My God!)
“What has she informed you… Satya my problems, her diseases, her husbands promotions and her loose motions everything? Has she narrated everything?”
I couldn’t stay laughing.
“I wish a comedian without any sense of humor would have been here”
Soumya said.
My looks displayed perplexity
“You laugh a lot even to a mad trivial joke. You are comedian’s delight”
She too smiled.
“Shall I tell you why? I am mentally retarded, my mental age is too less so I laugh easily”
With a smile she came to me and squeezed my cheeks.
“Its true my dear, yours is the purity of children, that’s why I like you”
O my god! She is not going to trick me with flattery?
As I felt bad not to console her about her husband, “sorry Soumya, I came to know about your husband just now when Satya said”
Dark shades rolled on her face for a minute
“What to say? Everything is not in our hands he died in an accident I am left this way”
She sighed.
“I heard your son is sick? Is it true?”
“Yes! TB”
“Alas! What a pity!” Really I felt bad
“No need to worry so much, now days no need of getting scared so much for TB. Good medicines are there. Healthy food and continuous medicines will cure it with in no time” she said resolutely.
“It will be expensive for medicines and treatment, I think” the warm in my head came up and made me ask.
She looked at me surprised
“Didn’t you know? My son is a doctor. Then where is the need of buying medicines? Still he can afford, more over his colleagues looks after him as a flower. No fear at all to him”
I was shocked, is he a Doctor? Satya never said.
“Ok! She said your daughter in law went to her mother… and something…”
I mumbled (I too had a sadist in me … how do I talk this way!) the smile on Soumya’s face never faltered.
“Stupid girl! Her age is like that. She felt angry even on her mother with a prejudice that we hid his disease and did the marriage. Recently he had this infection at the hospital. A small misunderstanding! Have you taken my son as a fool! He too felt that let her have a change for a while.
Now to please her singing to convince yesterday he went there. My son can sing so horribly that the girl with in two days would feel that it’s better to come to in laws home than to listen him. Challenge! Would you like to bet?”
The invincible said.
What can I say but to pay compliment to her in my mind? Good bye sadism!
“Now what else my dear girl, have you cleared all the doubts that Satyavani intruded into your mind?” (She found them out, worms- goodbye).
“What else? I still have the craziness for novels, would you like to see my collection?” we both going through the books lost time in gossiping.
How much we talked! Endlessly –literature, life, politics, whether the society is changing or we change with our age, feminism. So on and so forth… how many topics! To quench the thirst of good friendship since these twenty-five years we talked.
No time sense at all. Soumya got up alarmed.
“This is the time to give medicine to my mother in law. Let me take leave” hurriedly she moved out.
Satya said she had a rift with mothering law? No other stupid would equal me if I couldn’t realize the fact that there is no truth in Satya’s talk.
I followed Soumya to the threshold.
Stepping down suddenly she stopped and asked
“Can you do me a favor?”
It caught my breath, are Satya’s words true? Is she not going to deceive me with the name of help? Again suspicion as a worm got ready to move in to my head.
“You have to lend me one thing” Soumya said again.
I didn’t say a word, let her tell
“Lend me a rag” with added grief she said teasingly
I looked at her angrily
“What’s this laziness? The whole house is so beautifully arranged; see the dust on TV, radio and the phone?” she scolded.
“You go on your way this is my home, my TV and my wish and my dust who are you to clean it?” I winced at her.
“It’s true the one who should dust you must clean you up” she walked away twisting.
With a smile I stood there at the doorstep and thought the nature and attitude of my two friends
Satyavani who devoured me my mental peace, applying all imaginary diseases to her and bad qualities to others where as Soumyavani who lives with an optimistic hope of having a solution for any problem and shares moonlight swallowing the darkness even for a while. Both are humans, but what a difference between them.
One thing is true it’s difficult to know the value of the Soumyavanis without the existence of Satyavanis.
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The magic web– stories in translation
September 15th, 2009 — stories
Seela subhadradevi
Translation-Swatee Sripada
“Nothing doing! Just conveying congratulations and keeping quiet. You should come to the wedding” Sahiti handed over me the wedding card.
Taking out the card from inside the envelop and watching it
“you marry some where in a remote village. You know my family responsibilities anyway your hubby will be working here only so when you come back I’ll attend a reception in your new house” I said.
Sahiti blushed.
‘Though educated and working the word marriage makes the girls feel shy and flush.’ I thought.
“Raise your head up and talk” again I said with a smile.
Sahiti felt the tease, immediately adjusted and said, “All these days he was at his sister’s home. You know I stayed in a working women’s hostel. Now a house is required. See one nearby you. Though he is working in Gandhi Hospital he plans to open a clinic at home. See the house which will be convenient for it too. If I am close to you I too can have your help”
“Ok I’ll be on that job” I promised. After distributing the wedding cards in the bank once again reminded me the house and Sahiti left.
Though the work pressure at the bank and children and their sickness at home, I went on searching a house for Sahiti. Luckily close to my home, two houses apart from mine I could manage a good house for her on rent.
On an auspicious day after their marriage and honeymoon they arranged a party and a pooja at their new residence.
Being a doctor, Sahiti’s husband is social and talks to every one pleasantly.
But while talking as if commenting jokingly in between he passes his repartee on educated and working women.
I can’t take his words as just teasing of Sahiti for the time being. I felt that she may not work longer this way.
I arranged sister in law of my servant maid to work there in Sahiti’s home.
After a month, some how, Sahiti reported to her duties in the bank.
As soon as she gets a chance she went on narrating her new wed life and her husband’s matters.
Once in her talk she felt very happy to state “my husband shows his concern and says ‘how much do you get tired and squeezed in the work of home and bank’”
“So he helps you a lot in your daily work at home” I said with a smile.
Immediately she pouted and said “he is doctor, how could he get the leisure to help at home”
After a few days she conceived.
Her husband it seems started looking after her so well. Getting tired due to the work pressure at bank, and her beauty may get spoiled as he said that he could look after her as a precious thing she was thinking of leaving the job –she said. Surprised to listen that from Sahiti who used to lecture on economic independence of women “a good job in a bank have a second thought and decide” I said.
“I have a husband who can look after me as an eye ball” she raised her eyes proudly. I didn’t try to talk. As expected she resigned her job before three months.
After her leaving the job, though she is close by, it’s difficult for both of us to meet. Mornings I have my own work stress; evenings even if I can go her husband would be there. As I couldn’t tolerate the disdain of women in his talk, I didn’t feel of going and dropped the idea. Rarely did we use to greet each other through phone and exchange the well wishes.
Sahiti delivered a male child. She engaged my servant maid Jangamma’s daughter Pushpa to play with the child. Expect the school hours that girl remained whole day at Sahiti’s home. Evenings she used to come to me for learning math’s and English. So now and then I could get the news of
Sahiti.
After that when my son paid the fee for class VII exam suddenly I remembered Pushpa that recently she stopped coming here to study.
I asked Jangamma as soon as she came.
“Sahittamma said that she will teach her as she stays at home, so she is not coming here” she replied.
After another month I asked her,
“The exams are approaching. Is she doing well?”
“Pushpa is not attending the school at all Sahitamma said that she will teach tailoring and send her to exams privately .she purchased very good clothes for the festival” she replied happily.
“Alas! How could you stop the girl sending to school, when she was doing well, Jangamma?
After tenth completion to stand on her own any training would have been a better one. You want her also to go for a servant maids job?” I said feeling bad.
“How can we escape Amma? But she looks after Pushpa as a member of the family. She accompanies her every where. Providing good food and clothes, what more we need? I feel it’s good” Jangamma said delighted about her daughter.
Sahiti’s husband made her leave the job and for her selfishness Sahiti made the girl leave the studies so both looked alike. I sighed helplessly.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.06.2010

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Widmung:
contemporary women writers (telugu) stories in translation