Raven
The Raven Saga Part I


SUZY TURNER

Text copyright 2011 by Suzy Turner
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

For more information about the author and her upcoming books, please visit her website

www.suzyturner.com

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A huge thank you to Cristina Alcock, Jill Ibrahim, Elizabeth Martens, Emma Naylor & Eloise Walton. I don't know where I would be without your excellent suggestions, editing and proofreading skills. You're all absolute angels!
Michael, thank you for believing in me, even when I doubted myself (which was more often than I care to admit). You're my rock.
And lastly, thank you to all my lovely followers, fellow bloggers, writers, twitterers and facebook friends for just being there when I needed advice or a little pick me up. It's wonderful to have friends like you behind me.


Mum... you may have been gone from our lives for many years,
but you will never be forgotten.
This book is for you.


CHAPTER ONE

The summer months were coming to an end when my parents disappeared. Although the day had begun like any other, it became one that I would never forget.
That morning, as usual, I sat at the kitchen table listening to the noises drifting up from outside - traffic, police sirens, people laughing and shouting - while I struggled to swallow the piece of dry bread that was shoved in front of me. “Eat,” commanded my mother.
A small glass of milk just about helped it go down before she snatched the plastic tumbler from my hands, pulled me to my feet and shoved me out of the front door of our London flat without another word. Turning around to search her eyes, I attempted a smile in the hope that she might return it. But the door was shut in my face. A deep ache filled my stomach. I needed something that I had never experienced. I needed to know that she loved me.
Leaning against the door, I heard the familiar sound of her footsteps walking into the other room. She closed the door and locked it behind her. My mother and father had locked themselves in the spare room once again, just like they had done every day for as long as I could remember. I had always assumed they worked from home. I've no idea what they did, they never told me. I never asked. I wasn't allowed to ask questions.
Running down the four long flights of stairs, I pushed open the large heavy door that led outside. The noises multiplied and hit me, as did the dull smog and the intense London humidity that seemed to accompany every hot summer. As my feet touched the edge of the pavement, I stopped for a moment to allow a few cars to pass by before rushing across the road to school. I had to be quick. She was watching, she was always watching. My mother would peer down, staring blankly at me from the fourth floor window of the room she and my father spent their days. It was as if she was making sure I was actually going to school. Like I would dare do anything else. She never smiled. She never waved. She just stared. Sometimes it was almost as if she was looking right through me.
Returning home at lunchtime, as I was forced to do every day, she was there at that window staring at me again, as if her stare would physically guarantee that I came home. She had done it every day since I'd started school so it was normal to me.
I unlocked the front door with my key and gingerly tiptoed into the kitchen where I found her waiting for me.
“Eat and get back to school,” she said with a glare as I perched myself onto the old metal stool and began spooning the cold soup into my mouth. It was the same cold soup I'd eaten every day. It would have been nice to have something else, a different flavour, perhaps, but I would never have asked. Oh no. I'd experienced my mother's anger one too many times before. It's not that she had ever hit me, but I knew. I just knew that she wanted to, so I avoided making her mad at all costs.
It was my belief that my mother's actions were the same as all other mothers. I imagined that she did what most mothers did. I didn't know any different. At least not until I met the newest girl at school, December Moon. When she had first arrived at the school, the other kids had sniggered and laughed when she had been introduced. Even I had thought it was a silly name to start with, but as soon as she spoke to me, I knew it was perfect.
After her introduction to the class, the only spare seat available was next to mine. As my fellow students were in the habit of ignoring me, I was a little startled to have this pale but pretty flame-haired girl smile at me as she approached and sat down. I shyly returned the smile as she quietly took out her books and a pencil case from the orange rucksack she had carried on her back. Her clothes were multi-coloured and flowing – a long heavy purple flowery skirt was paired with an orange and pink striped top, and brown boots. A brown headband held back her straight shoulder length hair and when she turned I noticed it had a pink flower sewn onto it. Ordinarily, the colours wouldn't work together but on December, they just seemed to fit... perfectly.
When the attention was no longer on her, December turned to me and whispered “hello”. She smiled again and her whole face changed. It lit up.
It didn't take long for December and I to become best friends. We were both shy and quiet and were mostly ignored by everybody else. It made sense that we should spend school time together. More than anything though, I wanted to be friends out of school hours. My mother, however, had always made it quite clear that friends of any kind were strictly forbidden. Fortunately, she couldn't see past the school gates, so December always waited for me inside, out of mother's view. She was my secret.
December and I had spent many a break time chatting about each other's lives. She was an avid reader of all kinds of books, even magazines. In fact reading was pretty much all she did when she was at home. I was in awe of her and I knew then that she must know a lot more about other people's lives than I did. That was how I learned that my parent's actions were not entirely normal. Her own parents, however, could not be described as 'normal' either.
“My father died when I was three,” she had told me soon after we'd met. “He was a very old man and I was very young so I don't remember him.”
The edges of my mouth turned downwards as the heavy feeling of sadness took effect. “And what about your mother, December? Where is she?”
“She dumped me with my father's family shortly after he died and moved back to America on her own. She was from Seattle, Washington, apparently.” Her response was so matter-of-fact that I didn't quite know what to say, other than “Oh.”
“Basically, my Aunt Penelope – that's my father's younger sister who I live with – tells me that my mother married my father for his money but when he died, leaving her with nothing, she dumped me with her and took off.”
“Aunt Penelope basically makes sure I am fed, schooled and clothed. Other than that, we don't have much time for each other.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But that's fine with me. She doesn't like to be seen with me, especially when her super rich friends are around. Being my mother's daughter lowers the tone of her family... I even heard her say that to Monty once. Oh, Monty's our butler, chauffeur and sometimes gardener,” she shrugged again and that's when I saw a glimmer of something in her eyes. She wasn't quite so emotionless about it all after all.
Having never known anyone rich before... and with a butler too, I thought it was quite weird for her to be a student in the same school as me. “December?”
“Hmm?”
“Why doesn't your Aunt Penelope send you to a posh school?”
“Like I said, she'd rather I didn't exist so she'd rather keep me as far from her friends as possible.”
“That makes sense, I guess. In which case, I'm glad! I would never have met you otherwise! So do you not know anything about your mother?” I asked, intrigued.
December shook her head, “Nope. Nothing.”
The sound of the school bell put an end to our conversation and December didn't mention her mother or her father to me again for a very long time.
Discreetly waving goodbye to her on that fateful day, I knew there was something wrong the moment I stepped foot out of the school grounds. Looking up to the window expecting to see mother, a vision in white as usual, there was no sign of her. My heart began to thud faster in my chest as I ran as fast as I could up the stairs two at a time. I grappled with the key and pushed open the front door. She was nowhere to be seen. Neither was my father.


CHAPTER TWO

The spare room was locked as it always was, and no matter how hard I banged my fists on that door, there was no reply. I stopped and put my ear carefully against the solid wood to check for any sounds but there was nothing. Just silence. Trying to kick the door down, I didn't even leave a single mark. I was just a slight girl with little strength, after all.
It was then that our neighbours, Dorothy and June, came rushing in.
“Oh my dear, my dear! Whatever is the matter? What is all this banging about?” yelled one of the sisters as they tried to calm me down.
“It's mother,” I said, “she's... she's disappeared. She's always here. I don't know what's happening. There's no answer at the door. Something's wrong,” I sobbed.
Just at that moment, the sisters' black cat wandered in behind them. It immediately began purring at my feet and rubbed itself against my legs. It had never set foot in our apartment before and it was strange that it did so then.
It jumped up so that it balanced on its hind legs and leaned against me. I momentarily forgot all about the commotion that I had caused and leaned forward to pick it up, cuddling it while it continued to purr. “That's strange,” said June, “she's usually terrified of people.” The cat was clearly not terrified of me. It was the first time I had ever stroked an animal and I felt a strange affinity with it. It was a wonderful feeling as it rubbed its head against my neck. Looking into her deep, warm eyes, for a moment I felt a strange sensation within me. It felt as though I was being loved. I didn't want to lose the feeling so I sat down on the floor and stroked her soft fur, smiling.
“I'm going to call the police,” one of the sisters said as the other tried to coax me off the floor. I didn't feel myself, for some reason. A strange trance-like state came over me.
“Come now, dear. Come and sit on the sofa. You'll catch your death on those cold floor tiles.”
I did as I was told and followed her to our uncomfortable hard red leather sofa, where we waited until the police arrived. The cat sat on my lap and the two sisters sat on either side of me.
“We know that your mother leads a strict routine, my dear, so to hear you banging on the door like that had us worried,” said June.
“We've never known anything ever happen to you like this so we thought we'd better come over straight away and find out what's going on,” added Dorothy as she gently patted my hand with her own wrinkled, yet perfectly manicured, fingers.
My calm moments with the cat were cut short by the arrival of two young uniformed male police officers, followed by a third woman. The cat jumped out of my arms like a shot. She was clearly spooked by the presence of strangers and had vanished from our flat, presumably to return to the safety of her home. My calm feeling faded the moment she was gone.
The female police officer was very kind and polite and asked me a few questions about myself and my parents. When had I last seen them? Where did they work? Was it common for them to leave without telling me? Did they have mobile phones? I didn't even know the answer to the last question, although if they did, I never saw or heard them. Technology wasn't a word I heard used in our home. Not that there were ever many words used at all.
More questions were asked of me and so I answered them as best as I could before the other two police officers managed to literally knock the door down. I wasn't prepared for what I saw and I don't think they were either. There was almost nothing. Just a simple room, painted black – the floors, ceiling and walls all painted black. There were no chairs, no desks, nothing. The only things to be seen in the room were a small black shelf which contained two glass vials. One was filled with a thick deep red liquid and the other contained what appeared to be something from the insides of an animal – I couldn't identify it, but it looked disgusting. A pang of fear shot through me. Fear for my parents' safety.
“Do you have any idea what substance this is, Miss?” asked one of the police officers.
I shook my head. “I've never been in here before.”
The two men gave each other a sideways glance that was way too obvious for me not to have seen.
“Right then, Miss, would you like to wait outside while we gather some of this evidence together?” said the first officer as the other led me out of the black room.
Snippets of conversation could be heard as I waited for them to finish.
“This is definitely blood. What on earth do you think has been going on in here then, Pete?”
“Beats me, Dave. I tell you one thing though, it's weird, whatever it is. It's almost like something out of a horror film. Here... look at this.”
The female officer appeared by my side and cleared her throat. The conversation in the black room suddenly became quieter.
“Don't worry, Lilly. We'll get to the bottom of this,” she said, smiling. “We'll find your mum and dad.”
After about half an hour, the officers appeared from the room, carrying the vials in two clear plastic bags.
“Okay, Constable Madley, we've all the evidence now. We'll take them to the lab for tests,” said the taller of the two.
He tipped his hat to me and smiled before carrying everything out of the flat.
Following behind, the other one stopped in front of me and crouched down, looking right into my eyes. His dark brown eyes and the soft laughter lines around his mouth gave him a look of kindness. I hadn't noticed when they'd first arrived. “Lilly, we'll be in touch as soon as we have any information as to the whereabouts of your parents. Don't worry. We'll find them.” He stood up then and patted Constable Madley on the back. They were clearly friends as well as colleagues. He smiled at her, “Thank you, Constable Madley. We'll see you back at the station.”


CHAPTER THREE

My parents' disappearance continued to be a complete mystery. The police had told me that even though they had followed several lines of enquiry and spoken to countless people; they had come up without a single clue to go on. Not one person had seen them. I was the only one that had seen them that day. Well, I had seen her. I hadn't actually seen my father. I had just assumed he was there. I rarely saw him anyway, I rarely even heard him. Every now and then I would hear her speak to him but I never heard him reply.
It had been a hot and humid summer and, unusual for England at that time of year, it had lasted for quite a few weeks. Naturally, there had been a hose pipe ban as happened every time the sun shone for more than a week there. I had only been aware of it because my teachers were keen to teach us all about current environmental issues.
Not that I noticed the ban. We didn't have a garden, we didn't even have any plants. Our home was a bare flat in London where I had lived all my life – all thirteen years of it. I can't say I was happy, nor can I say I was particularly unhappy because I wouldn't have known the true meaning of either word.
I was very much a loner with no friends until December came along. Luckily, the majority of kids at school were pleasant enough to us but we didn't feel like we belonged with any of them so we simply avoided contact. Of course there were a few that taunted us every now and again, but we took little notice. They seemed to taunt a lot of people at school, having silly nicknames for everyone - apart from December. The kids were amused enough by her name not to bother making up another. Mine was Mellow Yellow – probably because I was so quiet and wore a lot of yellow. Not by choice though. The few clothes that I owned were bought by my mother and for some reason they were all yellow, not even a nice shade of yellow. All were second-hand clothes and none fitted me properly, but I certainly couldn't complain even if I hated them all. Like I said, my parents and I didn't really talk.
December and I preferred being in our own little world, alone with our thoughts or curled up with a sneaky book under the large chestnut tree in the playground.
At school, we blended into the background. We were courteous to most people and most of them were courteous to us. Yet if you asked anyone about me, even my name, I doubted very much that any of the kids would know. At least that was the case until my parents mysteriously vanished from the face of the earth. Then everyone seemed to know my name. Everyone knew I was Lilly Taylor.
Word had spread rapidly as I walked through the school gates a few days later.
Out of habit, December had waited hidden behind the walls for my arrival. She needn't have, of course. She hugged me tightly but didn't say a word. Somehow she just knew how I felt.
Shame the other kids didn't have a clue. Fingers pointed, people whispered and stared at me. Not a single other person approached me. Had it not been for December, I would have felt even more alone than I had ever felt before. I could easily have cried on her shoulder but the tears did not come. As much as I wished they would, they wouldn't come, perhaps because I had never really had much of a relationship with either parent. I never felt loved. I never even felt liked. But they were my family.
The closest people to me at that time of my life, other than December, were the kind neighbours who had offered to take care of me until my parents were found. Or, in the event that they did not return, until plans were made for me to travel across the world to stay with my grand-father in Canada. A grand-father I knew nothing about. December would be crushed. I was her only friend and she needed me as much as I needed her. I would hate to have to leave her, but deep down I knew that it was likely.
Rather than put me into temporary foster care, Social Services had agreed that my staying with the sisters was the best thing for me. Familiarity, they said, would be better than handing me over to complete strangers. Dorothy and June were spinsters. They had never married but had been happy enough living together their entire lives. They were good and honest and they were trustworthy. I couldn't really have stayed with December even if I had wanted to. She didn't have the best relationship with her aunt. What her wealthy aunt gave to December in financial security, she lacked in love. She was as lonely as I was and her aunt would never have allowed her to take me home with her.
Later that afternoon, I had rushed out of the school gates and looked up at the window to see if my mother had come back. She wasn't there, of course. No vision in white.
As I stood there, it occurred to me that for the very first time in my life I could do anything I wanted. Anything in the world. But I had no idea what to do. I looked around and watched many of the other kids laughing and joking. Some kicked around a football, others sat on the wall sneakily smoking cigarettes, while some of the younger ones were collected by their loving parents. December sadly waved goodbye from her chauffeur-driven car.
Instead of heading 'home', I gingerly walked in the opposite direction, looking back over my shoulder afraid that someone might swoop down and pull me back. Yet for the first time ever I felt no pull to return to that place. If it wasn't for Dorothy and June, I would probably have just carried on walking, but deep down I knew I couldn't hurt them like that. Especially when they had shown nothing but kindness to me.
So I turned around and headed back up those stairs. The ones I had walked up a million times before. Yet this time, I entered the apartment across the hall from my parents' place. As I unlocked the door, the most delicious smell of home cooking invaded my every pore and the sounds of laughter came from the living room. I followed the sounds and instead of finding the sisters, I found the television switched on. I sat down and watched for a few minutes, laughing at the silly man who pranced around like a complete idiot getting himself stuck in silly situations. Watching until it finished, I discovered that he was called Mr Bean. It was then that I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for doing something I was never permitted to do. I peered over my shoulder guiltily before getting up and walking into the kitchen.
“Oh hello, dear. You're just in time for dinner. Come in. Don't just hover by the door. I hope you had a good day at school. I've made us a Shepherd's Pie. I hope you like that,” said Dorothy as she gently pushed her white blonde curls behind her ears before spooning the food onto a plate for me.
I had no idea what a Shepherd's Pie was, but I nodded enthusiastically nonetheless. It was easily the most delicious meal I had ever had. At home, everything came straight from a tin. Tinned spaghetti, tinned beans, tinned peas, tinned mince, tinned potatoes, tinned soup, and so on. And most of it was given to me cold. Stone cold. I only knew it was all tinned food because of the time I had sneaked in when she wasn't looking and had opened the cupboards to find a lifetime's supply of the stuff.
I had never been allowed to spend any length of time in our kitchen, other than to quickly eat, so I had no idea how to prepare food. I guess back then I had assumed that everybody ate that kind of stuff.
“Did this come out of a tin, Dorothy?” I asked.
“Oh my dear!” she said, “Of course not. We cook everything fresh in this house. Did your mother never prepare you a home cooked meal?”
I shook my head and told her about the kinds of things I had eaten and she looked shocked, as did June.
“I take it that means she never taught you to how to cook?”
I shook my head again and told them I wasn't allowed in the kitchen other than to quickly eat.
“Well, while you're staying with us, we'll just have to change that, won't we? We'll show you everything you need to know. But first, eat up and enjoy dear. We'll start to teach the basics tomorrow after school,” Dorothy smiled kindly as she patted my hand.
As I enjoyed those wonderful mashed potatoes with the tasty meat beneath, I felt another pang of guilt. Guilt that my parents had vanished and there I was, stuffing myself like some sort of famished orphan. But then, perhaps that's what I had become. An orphan. And I was hungry. Very hungry.
That evening, the guilt continued to consume me. So much so that I felt the need to do something about it. Something drastic. And there was only one thing that I could do. I secretly borrowed a pair of scissors from the kitchen and sneaked into the bathroom. After locking the door, I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror and before I could talk myself out of it, I took those scissors to my hair and hacked it all off. As I stared at myself, I wished for that guilt to disappear. It didn't. I needed to do more. Searching through the sisters' belongings in the cupboard, I came across a box with a picture of a woman with the same coloured hair as Dorothy. Without giving it a second thought, I opened the box, emptied the contents on the floor and sat on the bath mat as I read everything on the leaflet inside the box. As instructed, I mixed the contents of the bottles together and began covering my hair with the cream. The strong odour made my eyes water as I slowly began to bleach out the black from my hair.
Over an hour later, I stood staring at my reflection, a mountain of long black hair covered the floor by my feet. I inched closer to the mirror and stared into my eyes. Their usual shade of vivid green seemed flat and lifeless. Murky. I wished the guilt would disappear. I wished for tears to come. I wished for the return of my parents. But it was no good. There was no one to make my wishes come true.
I crept back into the spare bedroom and pulled out all of my awful yellow clothes. Spreading them on the soft pink carpet, I used the same pair of scissors to cut them and rip them so that they didn't hang loosely from my body any more. Just for a moment, I forgot my circumstances and enjoyed the creativity. What I was left with, however, wasn't what I had intended. They were still a mess, and they were all still yellow. I didn't want to wear yellow any more. I didn't want to be the Mellow Yellow girl.
I walked into the living room where Dorothy and June sat glued to the television, and I stopped in the doorway to watch the screen for a few moments. I listened as a middle-aged man talked about a recent spate of mysterious attacks on horses that had taken place within the London area.
A minute later, the cat jumped off the sofa and started making a fuss of me. The two women noticed and turned to see what she was so interested in. Dorothy let out a cry when she saw me. June gave me a hug. She just seemed to understand why I had done it. I sat down in between them both on the sofa and told them what I had done to all my clothes. Their look of sadness didn't go unnoticed by me and I felt bad for making them feel that way.
As the cat rubbed itself against my bare legs, Dorothy suddenly stood up and smiled with a twinkle in her.
“I have an idea,” she said, “come on.”
June stood up too and laughed, “Of course.”
“We always wondered why your mother dressed you in yellow, dear. It's really not a flattering colour for you at all. I know we're just a couple of old spinsters, but we've still got our clothes from when we were younger. We just might have some things that will fit you. Let's go and have a look,” added June.
I followed the sisters into a fourth bedroom, a room without a bed, instead filled with hangers and hangers of clothes. I had never seen so many bright and beautiful things. It wasn't just the colours that were so beautiful to me, it was the feel of the clothes, soft and silky. So unlike the hard and scratchy fabrics I had always worn.
However, as much as they tried to give me colourful skirts and blouses, I found myself drawn to black. With my newly-dyed white hair, I told them I just wanted to wear black. Deep down, I felt unworthy somehow of wearing anything else. Eventually they conceded and pulled out everything they had in black. There wasn't much but it was a far cry from Mellow Yellow. That night, the sisters' sewing machine went into overdrive – making all my new clothes to fit my small frame.
Walking through the school gates the following day I held my head up high and let them point and stare. There were whispers but there were also wolf whistles from the heartless boys that didn't care for my emotions. But I couldn't care less. Nobody called me Mellow Yellow after that. I was finally just Lilly.
“Your hair!” were the first words from December's mouth. “As much as I loved the black hair, I do love the white, although I'm not so keen on the hacked look,” she giggled. December was always good at making me feel better with a well-timed, and much-needed joke. She didn't mention my missing parents or the lack of yellow. She didn't need to. She was just there and that was all that mattered.
As the weeks went by without any sign of my parents, true to their word, Dorothy and June began to demonstrate how to cook all kinds of simple recipes. They tried to keep me busy. The police concluded that the blood they had found was my father's, but they neglected to tell me what was in the other vial. However, as they had made no further discoveries, it looked as though the case may well be shelved, unsolved. An X file. I didn't know what to think. A vial of my father's blood? Did that mean he was injured? Or worse? I tried not to let my imagination run wild.
From conversations with the Social Services, the authorities and Dorothy and June, I knew I would have to move to Canada. My grand-father telephoned me and told me that all the arrangements had been made. We didn't have much to say to each other. Not just because I didn't know the man, but also because I simply wasn't used to talking on the telephone.
In just a few short weeks, I would no longer live in England. A sense of sadness overcame me but still the tears did not come. I was upset that I was leaving my parents behind... wherever they were. But it was the fact that my life had actually improved since they'd disappeared that made me feel guilty. The guilt turned to sadness and the sadness turned to guilt, like an unstoppable swinging pendulum.

CHAPTER FOUR

One night as I lay on my bed drifting off to sleep, there was a tapping sound on the window. Opening my eyes, I saw two black birds sitting on the windowsill staring solemnly in at me. Having never taken any notice of local birds before, I wanted to know what they were, so I trundled out of bed and tiptoed into the living room where the sisters kept all their books. There I found an encyclopaedia from which I managed to identify them as ravens. After watching them for a few more minutes, they flew away. Exhaustion soon set in and it didn't take long for me to forget all about them and fall asleep.
But the following night, they re-appeared. There was a tap on the window and as I looked up from the book I was reading, I saw them both sitting in the same spot looking in at me again.
This happened every night until my move to Canada. Why they visited me there I had no idea. But there they were, every night, sitting on my windowsill, as if protecting me from something.
The way they perched there and repeatedly cocked their heads from one side to the other made me giggle, but they also frightened me somewhat and so I soon stopped. I dared not open the window. I never closed the curtains because, although I was fearful, I was also comforted by them. They became a constant in my strange, lonesome life.
I almost wished they could go with me to Canada, a country that I had few expectations of. I hadn't always known that my grand-father Gabriel was Canadian. In fact I hadn't even known of his existence until my thirteenth birthday, nearly a year earlier. I had bumped into the postman at the bottom of the stairs and so I had taken our mail directly from him, instead of letting him place it in our post box as usual. I hadn't intended to look through it but a Canadian postmark had caught my attention and it was addressed... to me.
So I sat down on the edge of the step and had almost torn the envelope apart to get to the letter. I started to read it...

My dearest Lillian
It is thirteen years since you were born and you are missed terribly.
I have written to you before but I can only imagine the letters have not reached you. I wish I could see you again, Lillian. I am your paternal grand-father after all....

But before I had the chance to read on, the letter was cruelly ripped from my hands and torn into shreds by my mother. She had been so angry that I had opened that letter. More so when I told her it was addressed to me. I tried to ask her about my grand-father but she refused to say a word. So all I knew was that I had a Canadian grand-father yet I longed to know more about him. I couldn't ask my father because, on the rare occasion that I did see him, he was never alone. My mother never seemed to allow us to be together, just the two of us.
All I knew about my grand-father was that he was Canadian. I didn't know what to feel. There was a sadness there. A numbness too. I missed my parents so much that I had a deep ache in my stomach. Yet during those weeks, I didn't miss the life that we'd had at all. But that didn't detract from the fact that they were my parents and I needed to know where they were. Even though I had December, Dorothy and June – and their beautiful cat Iris – I still felt lonely, as if a huge piece of me was missing.
As I boarded the plane to Canada, I knew I had been completely left in the dark and that my life was about to change, possibly forever. I wished to know what I was going to... and to whom. If my parents had filled me in on their backgrounds, their childhoods, perhaps I would know where I was heading. My only knowledge was that I was boarding a flight to Vancouver and that someone was collecting me. On the brief telephone call with my grand-father Gabriel, he had told me that he was unable to come and collect me but that a 'very close family friend' would be picking me up. That friend was called Ben. I didn't even know to where I was going after Vancouver.
The airport was hugely confusing to me. Dorothy and June had wanted to come with me but I confidently told them that I'd be okay. That I'd manage. They were old ladies, they didn't need the hassle. Eventually, they agreed to let me go alone and had arranged it with the airline, and as we said our goodbyes, I thanked them for everything. I promised I would stay in touch and let them know how everything was going. They cried as I waved to them from the back of the taxi cab and secretly, so did I. I waited until they could no longer see me and then the tears that I had managed to keep at bay for so long, began to stream down my face. I don't know how I'd managed to keep from crying for so many weeks, but I felt as though the tears had been building up as I sobbed and sobbed in the back of that car, as I drove away from the only life I'd ever known.
I cried not only for my missing parents and for leaving my home behind, but because I would desperately miss those two ladies who had become like family to me. I would miss them, and I would miss December.
I didn't know how I would live without her, but she had promised to keep in touch. “Lilly Taylor, you're my best friend in the whole world. I can't imagine life without you but we'll manage... for now. It won't be too long until we're together again. We'll see each other soon,” she'd said the day before as we'd hugged goodbye. It had sounded so rehearsed but I figured it needed to be, otherwise we would have just been in floods of tears. She was the brightest star in my life and I couldn't imagine being without her.
The airport was bigger and brighter than I imagined it to be. It seemed to go on for miles but after reading my ticket, and with a little help from the taxi driver, we figured out where I was supposed to go. I felt like a very tiny fish in a very big sea, but as soon as I had checked in and asked a few questions, I was told that the airline staff would make sure I was in the right place at the right time.
The next few hours were spent watching people coming and going before I finally climbed aboard the plane that would take me to my new home. Excitement, as well as panic, flowed through me.
Soon after take-off, darkness clung to me and I felt cold. I shivered.
As I sat there alone, cold and dazed, a friendly flight attendant approached me with a warm blanket and a pillow.
“I couldn't help noticing you shivering,” she said warmly as she handed them to me.
I took them gratefully and wrapped myself up tightly.
“Would you like some hot tea or hot chocolate?” she asked. I opted for some hot chocolate and she smiled and turned away.
I was pleased the flight was quiet. I had the back row to myself so I put up all the armrests and stretched my legs out as I watched her walk towards me bearing the hot drink a few minutes later.
She looked a little like me. At least like me when my hair had been its natural colour. Jet black hair, bright eyes that were wide apart, pale skin and of delicate build. Her face was pretty and friendly and I was glad of the attention. It was as if she was taking extra special care of me.
The hours soon passed by and it seemed like no time at all when the pilot announced to the crew that they should prepare the cabin for landing. I must have looked frightened as the kind attendant came over to reassure me.
“Don't worry. You're almost home now,” she whispered.
I smiled and nodded. Perhaps she was just being kind. Although I couldn't shake the feeling that she knew of my fate.
So I had landed in Canada. I guessed this was my home now. But for how long? When my parents returned, would I go back to London? What if they were never found? What then?
At least for now, Canada was my home.
As I stepped off that plane, I felt helpless. I felt as if I had no control over my life. Perhaps I no longer did.

CHAPTER FIVE

I didn't have to wait. The moment I stepped out into the arrivals hall with my luggage, I heard someone calling out my name. My eyes searched the crowd until they stopped on a young man who waved avidly at me. I tried to smile but probably failed.
“Lillian? Is that you? I wasn't sure if I'd recognise you from the photo... you look very different! It's the hair, I guess. Although you're a lot younger in the photo. Anyway, Gabriel - I mean your grand-father - couldn't make it as you know and so he asked me to pick you up. I'm Benjamin. It's great to finally meet you,” he gushed.
“Hi,” was all I could muster as he delved into his pocket and pulled out a photo of what looked a little (and I mean a little) like me from when I was just a baby. He turned the image to show me and I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it.
“Er... I'd like to think I've changed, a lot. I'm amazed you recognised me at all,” I said, starting to feel comfortable with the stranger, but wondering where the photo had come from. It wasn't one I was familiar with. That said, no photo would be one I was familiar with. We didn't have any family photos at all.
Together we laughed as Benjamin easily lifted my bag from the luggage trolley and asked me to follow him. I stumbled behind him, not sure what to say as we walked through the car park until we stopped in front of a large dark green, slightly rusty pick-up truck.
Luckily Benjamin was the chatty type so I needn't have worried. All I had to do was listen and give the occasional reply.
“I hope you don't get travel sickness as we've quite a long drive ahead of us,” he said as we climbed into the pick-up and he started the engine.
“I don't think so... I was okay in the taxi and on the plane so I guess not.”
“You mean that's the only time you've ever travelled anywhere?” he asked, surprised, as I nodded in response.
“Well then, sit back and enjoy the trip. I'm sure you'll be impressed with what you see. Canada, especially this part of the country, is pretty awesome. There's lots to see.”
I made myself as comfortable as possible as he made small talk as we drove out of the airport towards our destination. I listened while I looked out the window at the dramatic ocean views, enjoying the moment until he broached the subject I had been dreading: my parents.
“So, Lillian...” it was coming.
“Please Benjamin... call me Lilly. Nobody has called me Lillian since, since, well probably since that photo was taken.”
He laughed and nodded, “Okay, Lilly, but only if you call me Ben.”
We smiled and were both silent for a moment but I knew he was going to try and ask me again.
“Lilly. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your parents going missing. I can't imagine what you must be going through. It must be absolutely awful...”
I didn't really know how to respond. So I chose not to.
“It's okay. I get it. If you don't want to talk about it, that is. You barely know me after all,” he said with a sad smile as he pulled onto a busy motorway.
Feeling a little guilty, I nodded, “Why don't you tell me about you then?”
“Not a heck of a lot to say, really,” he took a breath before continuing, “my name you now know. I'm twenty-seven years old. I've lived in the same town pretty much all my life. I've recently opened a vet practice on the outskirts of town. Yes, I'm the local vet, in case you were wondering why the truck is covered in dog hair. What else would you like to know?”
“Brothers, sisters?” I queried.
“Oh, yeah. I have a younger brother, Oliver, who'll be seventeen,” Ben looked at his watch, “in about thirty-six hours,” he laughed. “I think your grand-father is hoping you'll join the party, the day after tomorrow. Nothing grand. Just family and a few friends. I guess he's hoping you'll make some friends of your own.”
I cringed slightly and Ben noticed. “Sorry, too soon, I guess. You know, everyone will completely understand if you'd rather not join in. You need some time to settle in and chill out and... er... never mind.”
I nodded. I didn't think Ben had the slightest clue how grateful I was. At the same time, I wondered who he meant by 'everyone' but I didn't ask. I thought about what he said about making some new friends and I sighed quietly, remembering my sheltered life in England with so few friends. What if people didn't like me? Having never made any other friends it was hard for me to imagine meeting people and being all... well... friendly. But then this life was going to be completely different from my old life. Perhaps I'd fit in perfectly. Perhaps I could change. I struggled with the thought.
It was just after midday and the sky started to cloud over. I hadn't noticed how cold it was. I shivered.
Ben immediately whacked up the heat without saying a word.
We drove in silence for quite a while until I noticed we were approaching a ferry terminal. It dawned on me then that I had barely asked any questions, not even the most important one.
“You know, Ben, I haven't got the faintest idea where we're going.”
“I love your accent, Lilly. It's so damn cute... just give me a sec while I sort out the ferry ticket,” he wound down his window and while he chatted to the friendly lady with a big grin in the ticket booth and paid for our crossing, I read the signs around us and concluded we were going to a place called Langdale.
“Is that where you live? Where I'll be living? Langdale?” I asked as he wound the window back up again.
“No, we need to get a second ferry afterwards up to Powell River – that's where we're going.”
I felt like such a child asking silly questions. I wish I had known more about this journey before it had begun.
“Sorry, I just haven't got a clue,” I choked, as I felt as if those tears might emerge again.
Luckily I managed to hold them at bay, and offer what was probably my most pathetic smile yet.
“Don't be sorry, Lilly. It's not your fault that nobody shared any of this with you. It's such a shame, really. It would have been great for you and your grand-father if you'd been able to meet each other before... and under better circumstances.”
Ben was so kind. Just from this short trip, I knew that we would become friends. My first Canadian friend. I also got the impression that he understood me. More than anybody had understood me since the vanishing. Probably more than anybody had understood me at all. Ever. In my life. Why he could possibly understand what I was going through was beyond me, though. But I just had the feeling that he did, probably more than December had done over the past few weeks.
I hoped that I would find everyone in Powell River as understanding and kind as him. If they were, I would have no problem making those friends I was so worried about.
CHAPTER SIX

It wasn't until the following day when some home truths finally started to trickle into my head. It turned out that my father and my grand-father hadn't spoken to each other for years. This explained why we never had anything to do with Canada, or why my parents never even spoke of it.
“You need to sit down and have a proper talk with Lilly, Gabriel. She is totally in the dark. She's been through enough recently. Don't you think she deserves to hear the truth?”
I could hear the voices through the thin walls. I guessed that both Ben and my grand-father assumed I was still jet lagged. Actually I had barely slept a wink. I had found it difficult to fall asleep with no noise surrounding me. The silence had kept me awake for hours.
“There is a reason why things happen in this life, Benjamin, and my son must have had a reason not to have told his daughter about our life here. I do not feel that I should break his silence,” replied my grand-father.
“But she's nearly fourteen years old, Gabriel. What if Jack never comes back?”
“Don't you say that, Ben... don't even think it.”
When Ben and I had returned from our five-hour journey the previous day, I felt so nervous about meeting my grand-father for the first time. But I was in for a huge surprise... there was much more to my family than just a grand-father. In fact I soon found out that I had a much larger family than I could ever have dreamed of.
I needn't have been nervous, of course. I was treated like the long lost grand-daughter, cousin and niece that I was.
As soon as we pulled into the long gravel driveway, a group of people bundled out of the house and stood on the porch, awaiting my arrival. All looked more nervous than me, if that was possible.
“Don't worry, Lilly. This is your family. They won't bite. Come on. Come and meet them,” said Ben with a smile and a gentle pat on my shoulder.
Tentatively, I climbed out of the truck. Ben collected my bags while I walked up to these strangers who suddenly burst into smiles and rushed over to me and began hugging me enthusiastically. I noticed that one person remained behind them all and stayed quiet while they all made their noisy introductions.
“Hi Lillian. I'm your Aunt Meredith,” said a rather short cuddly middle-aged lady with long black hair, and a tear in her eye.
“And I'm your cousin, Cormac. Meredith is my mum,” said a shy chubby, spotty boy in his mid teens.
“Hello Lillian. I'm John. I'm Meredith's husband. It's a pleasure to finally meet you,” said a tall grey-haired man with glasses as he shook my hand energetically. “We have two other sons, Shayne and Bailey, but both are away studying at the moment and couldn't be here, I'm afraid,” he added.
An attractive man with an uncanny resemblance to my father stepped forward next. He had long black hair tied at the nape of his neck and was probably in his early forties. He patted me gently on the back and said, “Lillian. I wish this had been under other circumstances but it is a great pleasure to see you at last. I wish that you had been able to visit us long before now. I am your father's brother, Wyatt. This is my wife, Sonya.” A beautiful slim woman with long bright white hair took my hand in hers and smiled kindly.
“I am so happy to meet you, Lillian. I believe we will be friends,” she whispered in the most angelic voice. Instantly, I felt the same way. We would be friends.
“I would like you to meet our daughter, your cousin Josephine.”
“Mum... please don't call me that! Hi Lillian, you can call me Jo. All my friends do,” said a girl a little older than me with a scowl at her mother. The scowl was given with a laugh so it was easy to see that this mother and daughter shared a close bond.
Jo was the image of her mother. Beautiful with long hair that was as black as her mother's was white. Both of them carried themselves with confidence yet neither seemed aware of the incredible beauty that emanated from them.
“And this old boy here is your grand-father, Gabriel,” said Ben with a smile. As he said the words, the group parted to reveal a broad old man with short greying hair waiting patiently to be introduced.
“Grand-father,” I said approaching him slowly.
He nodded and took both my hands in his, “We have waited many moons for this day to come. Lillian Tulugaq, welcome home. Welcome home,” he said pulling me towards him. He hugged me tightly just for a moment before we all bundled indoors out of the cold. My hands and feet were freezing.
As Ben talked to my grand-father the following morning, I jumped out of bed and rushed into the kitchen where they stood, eager for them to see that I was not asleep and that I had heard every word they'd said.
“Oh... you're awake, Lilly. I'm sorry if we woke you,” said Ben, blushing slightly.
Gabriel just shook his head as if to say, 'Well, now look what you've done.'
“I just popped in to have a quick word with Gabriel about... er... Oliver's party. Yes. Well, I'd better be going now. I hope to see you tomorrow, Lilly,” he said as he put on his thick coat and gloves, adding with a wink, “but I completely understand if you'd rather give it a miss.” And he was gone, leaving the two of us standing silently in the kitchen.
“Lillian...” said Gabriel. I waited.
“This is your home now. You must treat it as your home. Everything that is here, is now yours.”
I waited for the crunch but it didn't come.
“Grand-father?”
“Lillian?”
“Please call me Lilly. Nobody has called me Lillian since... since before I can remember. But last night you called me something else, after my name. I didn't understand. My surname is Taylor... isn't it?”
Shaking his head, he said, “Tulugaq is the name of our forefathers, Lilly. It is your name, it is my name. It is your father's name as well as his brother's and sister's. It is in you. It is in here,” he said, placing his hand over his heart. “It would do you well to remember this. This is where you come from, Lilly.”
“But what does it mean?”
“Tulugaq?” he asked, and I nodded.
“It is the great black bird of the sky. The Raven.”
“It means raven?” I gasped.
“You are surprised, child?” asked Gabriel.
Unsure whether to tell him or not, while at the same time a little irritated at being called child, I walked over to boil some water to bide my time. Maybe he'll think I'm totally mad, I thought. Although I got the strange impression that nothing would shock him. I decided to fill him in on what happened on those lonely nights in England.
“Just before I came here I was... visited... by two big black ravens. They appeared at my window every night and frightened me a little bit. It wasn't just because they were there, it's because they knocked at the glass and looked at me. Really looked at me, you know. Almost as if they knew me. As if they were trying to tell me something. I don't know. I can't really explain it... I know it sounds totally crazy...”
But it turned out that I was right, he was not easily surprised.
“The ravens in London were our ancestors looking out for you in your hour of need, my dear child. There was no need to fear them. They were simply there to watch over you. To protect you. Fear not. They are a part of us.”
It was difficult for me to know how to react to that. Clearly I couldn't believe that my ancestors had come back from the dead, in the form of ravens, no less, to watch over me. Why would they watch over me? Why was I so special? Surely, if anybody needed to be watched over, it was my parents. Certainly not me. But ravens? Ancestors? Please.
My grand-father took my reaction rather well actually. I guess he knew that I wouldn't, couldn't, believe something like that. Me, a teenager who had lived her entire life cooped up in a tiny room within an apartment block in a big city on the other side of the world. Nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened to me.
“My dear Lilly... must you keep your hair this way? Black is a colour of magical power. It is not something you should change unless nature requires it to be changed. You are beautiful. You look very much like my son. Your father. Embrace it. Do not hide from it.”
“Oh, and another thing... Lilly.... you can call me Gabriel. Everybody else does.” He smiled then, and placed his hand on my shoulder before leaving me alone in the kitchen to my thoughts.
I had hoped that he would have told me whatever it was that was being hidden from me, but he didn't. I would have to wait.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.09.2011

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