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March 1, 2011
I thought I had transcended into a sanctuary of complete mind-numbing serenity. There was absolute silence, and the warm light seemed to be drawling me in, comforting me as if to ease the sorrow of death. A tender voice whispered to me, “Not yet my sister, you still have much work ahead of you. Now go, and lead those who chose to wander blindly through life.”
A mind-numbing cry awoke me from my enigmatic experience. Wiping the dried blood from my brow, I glanced around at my surroundings. There must have been at least seven others there. They were in shock, unable to rationalize any coherent thoughts.
There were four middle aged men, three young females, and a little girl, no older than 10. The little girl looked like she was in shock, so I went to comfort her, wrapping a blanket around her trembling petite frame.
“What is your name darling?” I asked her gently.
She stared up at me as if I was speaking a foreign language.
“My name is Candalynn, Candice for short,” She replied passively.
“Well Candice how old are you?”
“I just turned eight years old; may I ask why we are here Mrs. Umm?
“Honey, my name is Lila Maddox; you can call me Lila sweetheart.”
She asked me if she would ever get to see her mom and dad again. The look in her eyes made me tear up, but I knew that I had to stay strong for her.
“One day my darling, I promise you that my love”

March 2, 2011

I awoke with Candice in my arms; I rubbed the dry tears from her supple rosy cheeks.
A young grubby man stood up and yelled out to everyone, “What the hell are we doing just sitting around doing nothing? Does anyone here know what the fuck is going on?”
An older gentleman put a hand on the boys shoulder, “We are all scared right now, but we are going to get through this, through the glory of god, we will get through this.”
The young man pulled away irritated, “God isn’t here old man, it’s just us trapped in this god damned shelter. How do we even know if there are any survivors up there?”
Offended, the old man clutched his crucifix tightly in his hand and backed away; mumbling to himself. A well dressed middle-aged woman stepped up to defend the religious man.
“Listen; there is no reason to be hostile. We don’t know what has happened yet so let’s try to keep it together and stay sane long enough for help to come.”
“There is no help coming woman,” commented a deep voice from a shadowy corner.
“We are all dead, may as well accept defeat now.”
“No body asked your opinion, so just keep your negativity to yourself; there are small children here,” the classy woman responded insulted.
The feeble man light up a smoke and remained quiet for the remainder of the evening.

March 3, 2011

We all had trouble sleeping through the night; wondering where our loved ones were, or even if they were still living among us. I gazed at the ceiling wondering what was left; who survived the nuclear explosion? A young girl came to me and began to cry; she had to be no older than twenty. She explained that her parents sent her to the shelter and went back for her baby brother; they never returned. These people were falling apart; I had to take control of the situation.
“Listen everyone, I know that most of us are still in shock, but we must begin to make plans for however long we have to be here. We should begin by introducing ourselves and what we do”
Silence and tension filled the room.
“Ok, I’ll start. My name is Lila Maryann Maddox and I’m an expecting mother and housewife to an amazing man, my high school sweetheart.”
A middle aged man stood up, “My name is Rodger Wilson and I am an ordained minister.”
“Hello, I’m Lesley Daniels, and I am a carpenter. Yeah I bet y’all were hoping for a scientist, sorry people.”
The well dressed woman stood up and adjusted her blouse, “My name is Barbra Shaw and I am a defense attorney; not that it matters now anyways.”
The edgy man in the corner remained quiet.
“My name is Aida Woods. I go to UCLA; I’m a film major,” the striking young woman blurted out.
An older, somewhat elegant man spoke last, “My name is Truman Sparks, and I am a geneticist.”
“Well now that we know a little more about each other let’s try and ration out our food and supplies,” I suggested.

March 4, 2011

“How long do we need to stay in here until it’s safe to go back up,” I asked Sparks.
“We should stay down here for at least a year to avoid any contamination,” he replied.
“A year? There is only enough food to last eight of us six months tops!”
Sparks glared at me desolately. In that moment I felt the dread that Sparks was illuminating. It was either four people being eradicated, or everyone in the shelter would starve to death. I couldn’t just send four people out to die, but I couldn’t risk everyone’s lives; especially little Candice. Sparks grasped my hand and looked at me with conviction.
That night my mind raced; I was faced with the most crucial decision a person could possibly rationalize.

March 5, 2011

As the people awoke this morning and rationed their breakfast foods. I pulled Sparks aside to speak of the rations.
“I think we need to save four people, and find a way to convince the others they can’t be here,” I told him.
Sparks snickered at my comment, “Do you really believe that four people will just walk right on out of here and commit suicide?”
I thought about it for a moment, “Then what do you suggest we do then?”
He told me to write a list; a list of people who truly deserve the gift of life, and to present it to him in the morning. I thought for a moment, and then nodded in agreement.

March 6, 2011

The List

1) Lila Maddox (Stay-pregnant)
2) Candice Lynn (Stay-child)
3) Aida Woods (Stay-Young Useful)
4) Truman Sparks (Stay-geneticist)
5) Lesley Daniels (Must leave)
6) Barbara Shaw (Must leave)
7) Rodger Wilson (Must Leave)
8) Guy Dane (Must Leave)

It brings me great sorrow to write this list... But it is for the greater good of the people. God forgive me.

March 7, 2011

The people are still in shock, being obtained from their homes involuntarily by the U.S. military and being thrown into bomb shelters; separated from their families. I ask myself, why they put eight of us in a shelter with only enough food for four people. I crumble my list into a ball and slide it into Sparks’s pocket.
Guy instantly stood up and shouted, “What do you two have to say that the rest of us can’t hear?”
My heart skipped a few beats and I glanced to Sparks to come to my rescue. Unfortunately, Sparks was just as caught off guard as I. Guy demanded to see the note, which Sparks refused.
The two men wrestled to the floor; clawing at each other’s eyes and throwing random punches. Guy finally finagled the note from Sparks’s pocket. He took a moment to look over the note; then peered back up at Sparks.
“So, you plan on killing us off just so you have enough food? Well you ain’t going to kill me off!”
Guy grasped a jagged rock and paced towards Sparks; raising his hand to strike Sparks cranium, he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. The rock fell to the ground, and Guy staggered back in shock; blood gushing from his belly. Falling to the ground, he gasped for his last breath. Sparks tucked the revolver under his shirt.

March 8, 2011
The panic from Guy’s death was beginning to settle; but people were still frightened and confused. Guy’s body lay decomposing in the corner; the smell of blood and rotting flesh made my stomach turn. The others are starting to ask questions about the list.
“Who put you two in charge, and what gives you the right to kill us off? And isn’t it convenient that you put yourselves on the list,” Barbara demanded.
Sparks stood up and responded smoothly, “We have counted our rations and we only have enough food to last four people for a year.”
“So what do you purpose, just kill off the people you don’t like; you’ve already slaughtered one man, who’s to say that you shouldn’t die,” Barbara argued.
Sparks took a moment to reflect on the situation, “He attacked me; I did what I needed to do in self defense. I have to live with that on my conscious now.”
The people remained silent for hours, perhaps plotting their fight for survival.

March 9, 2011

I have to protect my unborn child by any means. It came to me then; I proposed to take a vote on who should stay and who should leave. The people agreed and all wrote down the people who should leave. Sparks counted the votes and announced that the three to leave would be Aida Woods, Barbara Shaw, and Truman Sparks.
“No, that can’t be right. Why should I go? I am an established attorney. What about the Minister? He doesn’t have much time left anyways,” Barbara shouted.
Offended, Rodger stood up, fists clenched, “How dare you, I am a man of the lord. All you do is help criminals go free to go harm more innocent people!”
“Let’s all just settle down people, now we agreed on a vote. Now I know you may not concur with the results, but that’s just the way things must be,” Sparks intervened.
“So what now? You just kill us, just like that?” Aida asked.
Sparks suggested that we all just rest for a while and calm down. Hesitantly the people obliged, and sat quietly.
I went to speak with Sparks and asked him where he had gotten the gun. He said he found it in the supply room, and oddly enough I believed him. Why would there be a gun in the supply room I pondered. Did they intend for us to have to kill each other eventually?

March 10, 2011

I awoke to a bang and a high pitched scream. Still in a daze, I looked around to see where the commotion was coming from. The familiar smell of blood and decay hit me like a bus. I held my hands up and felt the warm crimson liquid dripping down to my elbows; however it was not my blood. Lying next to me was Sparks’s barely recognizable dead body; the bullet blew most of his once handsome features clear off. His brain fragments covered me; I began to vomit which made the stench in the room unbearable.
I staggered to my feet, “Who did this!”
The people were stunned, unable to speak a word.
I glanced back down to Sparks’s body and began to sob uncontrollably. Who would have been able to take the gun from him? Who has the gun now? I went to comfort Candice, who trembled in my arms for hours.
“You are going to get out of here love, I promise you.”

March 11, 2011

My mind raced all night, I have to do something, and I have to take charge.
“Who here has the gun? If you don’t fess up now I will forcefully remove it from you,” I shouted.
The people stared at me blankly.
“Ok then, let’s search everyone.”
“You’re not laying a finger on me, and how do we know you don’t have the gun,” Barbara questioned.
“Does anyone else here want to have their head blown off like Sparks, no, then I suggest a search.”
The people eventually agreed to a search; unfortunately nothing turned up. We were no closer to finding the killer than we were this morning. That gun had to be somewhere, and I plan on finding it and getting out of here alive.

March 12, 2011

I believe that I am beginning to go insane. I don’t know what to do and still have no clue as to who killed Sparks. The last people to leave are Barbara Shaw and Aida Woods. How can I get rid of them? I can’t kill someone; maybe I should just take my own life. I believe it was Barbara who killed Sparks; I would enjoy returning the favor. I am also concerned for Candice’s wellbeing; she has seen too much death and despair, and has been acting slightly unusual. I have to find that gun…

March13, 2011

There she was, shot not once but twice in the head. I hate to say that I felt little remorse for her. However, if Barbara didn’t kill Sparks, then who did. We now have three rotting corpses in our shelter and have no idea who will be butchered next. Aida looked horrified, as if she knew that she would be the next victim.
“What are we supposed to do, people keep dying and there is nothing we can do about it,” cried Lesley.
“I don’t know what to do, we have searched everyone. There is nothing left to do but hope that the killing will stop,” I explained unsure of myself at this point.
I noticed that the preacher was speaking with Candice, so I went to see what they were discussing. Shocked the preacher man stood up and gave me a gentle smile, “I was just telling this child that our lord is always with her and everything will be alright.”
I smiled back and thanked him for his support, but there was something in Candice’s eyes that threw me off. She looked confused and sickened, but that is to be expected with all that she has seen. I only hope to awake in the morning.

March14, 2011

This morning I awoke to no new bloodshed. It was eerily refreshing. What am I going to do if I get out of here alive? Things will never be the same for any of us. I glanced around at the remaining survivors. Something caught my eye; the preacher man had slept next to Candice that night. I went to confront him on why he was sleeping next to the child, but he simply replied that she was frightened and missed her daddy, so he slept there to comfort her.
I woke Candice and asked her if this was true and she simply nodded and lay back down. Lesley came to me and spoke about how we should go about getting rid of Aida. I had no reply; she was such a sweet girl. At this point I pray for death.

March15, 2011

The sound of a gunshot awoke me this morning. I jumped to my feet and found the child holding the gun; tears streaming down her cheeks. The preacher man lay lifeless on the floor.
“Candice what did you do,” I screamed.
She looked at me with dead eyes, “He touched me, he was a bad man.”
“You little bitch, give me that gun. You’ve been killing these people,” Lesley demanded pacing towards her.
“Don’t hurt her,” I screamed.
Lesley grabbed the gun from the child and pointed in at her head. She clenched her eyes shut. Aida tackled Lesley before he could pull the trigger; they wrestled on the ground, it happened so fast, the gun shot off.
Lesley pushed Aida’s lifeless body off of him and turned to kill Candice. Pulling the trigger; again and again, out of ammunition. He leaped to attack the child, repetitively punching her till her face was covered with blood.
I picked up a jagged rock and banged it against his head. The first hit left him dazed; the twentieth left him unidentifiable. Exhausted, I crawled over to the child and held her mangled body.

March 16, 2011

The child was severely injured but she will live. She still couldn’t speak; her jaw may be been broken. I am still trying to understand what has just happened. It is down to just me and Candice now. I have no more to say today; I must tend to this child.

March 17, 2011

She is looking a little better today. I ask her questions and she writes to speak to me.
“What did the preacher man do to you?”
She wrote nothing, putting her head down ashamed; she began to wallow in pain. That told me everything I needed to know.
“Did you kill Barbara?”
She nodded her head and began to write. I bit my nails anxiously. She handed me the paper which read:
Barbara saw Sparks with the gun and took it from him while he slept. I suppose she shot him so he wouldn’t kill her. I saw her hide the gun so I took it and shot her to protect you.
I put my arms around the girl, she knew no better; she was trying to protect me. God help us… if you’re still there.

March 18, 2011

We have nothing to do now except to wait for help, and wonder what is happening up above. We don’t speak much, we are both in shock. I tell her that I am going to name my child Candalynn for her. She would ask me if her parents are still alive; I had no answer for her. The decomposing bodies were beginning to make us both physically sick. How can we make it an entire year in this hell hole?

March 19, 2011

A bright light woke me this morning, but, could it be, sunlight? It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced; the warm rays of the sun and the fresh air, made me feel like I had been reborn. Men wearing military uniforms pulled me and the child out. I looked around expecting destruction and death to be everywhere; but everything was just as it was before we went to the shelter. They put me in a van, ignoring my questions. I couldn’t find Candice; they took her! I screamed and demanded to see her. They ignored me until we got to a secured facility. I was put in a small room with only a small table, paper, and pen. There I waited; waited for anyone, or anything. I knew they were watching me; I felt their eyes examining my every move.


March 20, 2011

This morning an intimidating man came in and told me to write down everything that occurred the past nineteen days. I told him I would only cooperate if I could see Candice. He frowned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Hours later a woman with a nurturing smile came in and sat down.
“Hello Ms. Maddox, my name is Mrs. Prescott and I am here to speak with you about the occurrences that went on in the bomb shelter.”
She had welcoming eyes, which made me even more uneasy than the angry man from yesterday.
“I want to know what has happened. Is my family still alive? Where the hell is Candice? You tell me these things and I’ll tell you whatever you need to know,” I replied hoping to have some leverage.
The woman smiled and opened up a file she had on the table. Pictures of Sparks caught my eye; did they put us down there for a reason?
“Well while I can’t tell you everything, I can tell you that you and the seven others have been a part of a government experiment. I know that must be hard to hear but it had to be done for the better good of mankind,” the woman explained matter-of-factly.
My heart dropped to the floor, “The greater good? What good could have possibly came from six innocent people dying?”
The woman ignored my question and reached for my hand; I jerked away angrily, “Where is Candice!”
“She’s safe ,that’s all you need to know for now. I’m sure that you have a lot to process right now so we will continue this tomorrow Ms. Maddox,” and with that she gathered her papers and began to walk away.
I knew at that moment that I must fight; jumping to my feet I grabbed her hair and pulled her back. Throwing punch after punch, I felt a sharp sting in my neck. No please, I thought to myself, I am dead.

March 21, 2011

Is this heaven, it’s so bright in here. No, I hadn’t gotten that lucky; I was stuck in a white padded room. Still though, they left me with my diary and my pen. Why is all this happening to me? I laid there for hours wondering what would happen next. Suddenly I felt a kick from inside my tummy. I smiled, everything will be ok my child. They came and fed me, but they ignored my cries for help. Today I just had my unborn child to hum sweet lullabies to.

March 22, 2011

The door opened and the woman I attacked walked in; the scratches and bruises still showed even though she had packed on a few extra layers of foundation.
“Ms. Maddox, are you ready to speak with me now?”
I thought for a moment and nodded in agreement. She led me to an interrogation room and handcuffed me to the table.
“Now, as I was trying to explain to you before, this experiment obviously went horribly wrong. That is human nature though; there was nothing we could do to stop what went on down there.”
I glanced up at her insulted by her lies, “What is going to happen to me and my child?”
“We can speak about that a little later. Right now I would like to speak to you about the people you were locked in the shelter with; who did they tell you they were?”
Confused and exhausted I gave in and cooperated with the woman, “Well there was a man named Sparks, I believe he was a geneticist. He tried to help, but Barbara murdered him out of fear for her own life. Barbara was a defense attorney; I don’t know much else about her. There was a man named Guy, he died first. A girl named Aida; she was a film student; and a good person. She saved the child when Lesley went insane. Lesley, I forget what he said he did, but he went insane when the preacher was shot down.”
“A preacher,” the woman asked.
“You know all of this already, why are you even asking me? Are you trying to push me to insanity?”
“There was never a preacher in the bomb shelter Mrs. Maddox. He was a retired school teacher, well I suppose he had to retire once he became a registered sex offender.”
“Why the hell would you put a sex offender in a bomb shelter with a little girl you sick bitch! You people knew this would happen, you wanted this,” I screamed.
The woman once again gathered her things and left, telling me that I should remain calm for my child. So here I am handcuffed to a table and unsure of what tomorrow will bring.


March 23, 2011

They feed me every day, sometimes leaving me to my thoughts for more than I can stand. I wonder where my husband is right now; is he searching for me? I believe they will not let me survive this; I know too much. Now I can only pray for my child.

March 24, 2011

Today the woman came back with the man from the first day. She sat down casually, adjusted her glasses and began to ask me more questions.
“Why are you doing this? You already know everything I do; are you going to kill me? If you are then just do it already!”
The woman grinned, which infuriated me, and then she pulled a picture from her folder and slid it towards me. It was Candice, sitting in a room that looked quite similar to mine.
“Why are you showing me this,” I asked.
“To reassure you that we are not here to harm you,” she answered.
“Then why am I still here?”
“I promise you that you will be free in six days, until then you must cooperate with us.”
“What do you want me to do; I have been doing everything you have asked.”
“Six more days,” she replied and left.
The man walked over to me with a needle and told me to be calm or I would only hurt myself. He injected me with something and left. Six more days; what will happen then?

March 25, 2011

I am beginning to have contractions, and my water just broke. I have been screaming for help but no one will come. I am going to have this baby, today. I hear them coming now. Oh god, get me through this.

March 26, 2011

I awoke today feeling complete emptiness. My child was gone; I was strapped down to a gurney. A nurse came in and injected me with morphine to ease the pain.
“Where is my child,” I asked her in a daze.
“I don’t have that information; I am only here to care for your wellbeing.”
The morphine crept through my veins and made me feel euphoric. I began to drift back to sleep, my eyelids heavy; the darkness pulled me back in and I was helpless.

March 27, 2011

I woke up today in a hospital, people walking around freely. No straps holding me down. I jumped out of bed and fell to the floor; I was too weak to stand. A nurse ran in and helped me to my feet and back onto the bed.
“Honey, you are way too weak to walk right now, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Where is my baby,” I screamed.
“Calm down, you mean you don’t remember you poor child?”
“What, what happened? Please tell me.”
“Honey, you and you’re husband had an argument. He became physical and you lost the baby,” the nurse explained sympathetically.
I looked at her shocked, “That’s not possible, that would never happen! Where is my husband?”
As I finished my question two police officers came into the room and handcuffed me to the gurney.
“Mrs. Maddox you are being charged with the murder of your husband on March 1, 2011,” the first officer explained then went on to read me my rights.
“No, I’ve been keeping a journal. I wrote down everything that has happened,” I tried to explain.
The familiar woman cop put her hand on my shoulder, “You have been in shock for the past month, we have allowed you to play out your fantasies in this journal; however that’s all they are, fantasies. Now you know that you can claim temporary insanity under the horrific conditions. I’m sure the judge will take it easy on you, maybe even send you to a nice mental institution. We all know you have been through hell and back.”
They sedated me once again and I tried to figure out what was real and what my mind had made up.

March 28, 2011

I have read back through these pages a million times and just can’t bring myself to believe that I had made this all up. However, if what they say is true; then maybe I did go insane. I mean a bomb shelter, government experiments; it was quite ridiculous once I began to reflect on it. However, if what they say is true, then now I am going to jail for killing my husband and I have lost my child. How can I live with that?

March 29, 2011

Tomorrow I must go to jail and await my trial. I have come to accept what I have done to my husband. My lawyer explained that the fight began when I discovered that my husband was having a sexual relationship with one of his students. Her name was Candice Lynn, she was only thirteen. However I do not believe I will ever recover from the pain of losing my child.

March 30, 2011

Today is my last day in the hospital. I have spoken to a lawyer and have seen my family members. None of that matters now, I am going away and will never be the same.
The female police officer came in to obtain me. I turned and let her cuff me without a struggle. Her eyes were so welcoming; so comforting.
Walking to the police cruiser, I overheard a news broadcast reporting a man that was reported missing on March 1st; his name was Truman Sparks. I turned to the policewoman speechless.
“I promised you would be free in six days,” she said with a warm smile.


Case No. 636
This evidence was apprehended on March 31, 2011 after the suicide of Lila MaryAnn Maddox. Case has since been closed due to inefficient evidence.

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Texte: Photo received from DeviantArt.com by *PoisionGirlstshttp://fav.me/d1irzi2
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 31.03.2011

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Dedicated to my love Michael J.P. Whitmer