A MAN ABOUT TOWN

He was not handsome, they said, yet the women loved him.

Sheila loved him, and only her. That was the truth.

But the residents in town were suspicious of this unusual, yet likeable man. Mr Smith arrived one year ago, 25 August. His uncomely features made him stick out. Everyone in town thought he was very strange. Within one week he became involved with Sheila Mitchell. They were friends at first, by September they had become engaged to be married.

It wasn't only Mr Smith’s heavy features that the town made exception to. Everyone agreed he had a pleasant demeanour, always said good morning to whoever he met, grand goodbyes and made everyone feel they were the nicest person he had ever met. Apart from this Mr Smith had enormous feet.

This made Mr Smith look ridiculous. The people would stare at him and whisper. Then when Mr Smith met Sheila, the tongues of the town waggled all the more. Sheila was blind, but this was not her most startling feature, because Sheila had the most enormous ears, like an elephant. When the two were engaged, the town was astonished. Yet through all of this, they should not have been so troubled.

When the pair were married on Christmas Eve a few months later, the whole town attended. What a glorious day it was too. After the short ceremony, the couple went straight to their honeymoon. There was no party, no music, they simply left in the afternoon. No one knows where they went.

This should be no surprise really because Mr Smith was also tone deaf. And there it is, Sheila who was blind with enormous ears married Mr Smith who was deaf and had enormous feet. Now what a wonderful story was that?

MIDNIGHT DAY

A young man enters the scene. His name is graham. He’s in his mid-twenties, wearing a smart grey suit, looking about as if he has no idea where he is. He is standing in a street, there are houses. He begins to talk to himself.

Graham: What time is it? (looks at his watch). It’s 12 o'clock at night. Why is the sun still out? This is weird. It’s the end of the world. I’ve heard about this. Oh no; the world is going to end.

Graham begins to run about in the road, screaming and shouting at the top of his voice.

Graham: It’s the end of the world. The sun is out at midnight. It’s the end of the world!

A second person enters. He is older than Graham, about fifty. He is in his night clothes, boxer shorts and t-shirt with a swear word on the front in big black letters. He’s name is Malcolm.

Malcom: What in hell’s name is going on? It’s midnight. Graham, why are you shouting the odds at this time of night?

Graham: the sun’s still out. (he grabs Malcolm by the arm). It’s midnight and it’s light, like day, Malcolm.

Malcom: Just go to bed, Graham… that’s strange. Why is it not dark yet?

Graham: That's what I’m saying Malcolm. I think it’s the end of the world. (He is still holding Malcolm. Then he shakes him by the shoulders). It’s the end of the bloody world.

Malcolm: Get off me. There must be a logical explanation for this, Graham. Malcolm is looking around for the explanation.

Graham: Well this is better than all that rain we had last week.

Malcolm: I just want to know what this is all about. I wish it would rain.

A middle aged woman in a pink dressing gown enters the street. Her name is Gene.

Gene: What's going on out here? What's all the racket? It’s midnight you know.

Malcolm: What? We’ve been out here for ages. It can’t be still midnight.

Gene: I know. You've been shouting for a good hour. But it’s still 12 o’clock.

Graham: How can that be Gene?

Graham, Malcolm, and Gene are talking as more people came out of their houses to find out what all the noise is and why it’s light at midnight. Stefan a Swedish man approaches the three. He is only wearing yellow pants.

Stefan: It is light all the time in summer where I am from.

Gene: Well this is not where you are from. And it’s October.

Stefan: Yah. It’s no like dis in my country in October month. Ne. But it never looks like dis. Dis is strange. De red and green. So bright.

Graham: What’s that? (he’s pointing).

Malcom: Is that a house flying in the air?

ALL: It’s a spaceship.

THE RUNNING RABBIT

In a year after a war two men were discussing a rumour they heard about a rabbit that could run.

Man 1: They say that rabbit was over six feet long, with great sharp teeth. And growled like a lion.

Man 2: It was a hare.

Man 1: It was six feet long I tell you.

Man 2: It was a hare. And that chap’s eyes were playing tricks on him.

The first man, Jung is angry, while attempting to reinforce his view.

Jung: Actually it was neither a hare nor a rabbit.

The second man, Silas is remaining a sceptic.

Silas: The thing was a hare. Someone claimed it was a wolf. And you can’t get a wolf mixed up with a rabbit. The sunlight got into his eyes, and it was wartime. The war made people see things. It was very common.

Silas always liked to argue.

Jung: I’ll go one further. It was a werewolf.

Silas: Now you’re just being downright stupid, Jung. A running rabbit, a wolf, a werewolf? Are you sure it wasn’t an elephant.

Jung: I’m positive.

Silas: How are you so sure?

Jung: Because I am a werewolf.

Jung naturally transforms into a werewolf.

But Silas is unfazed.

Silas: I’ve been waiting for this moment for ages.

The werewolf is tall, ferocious, and ugly. It jumps at Silas. Silas gets out a gun and shoots the werewolf. The wolf roars with laughter, and says:

Werewolf: I hope you used a silver bullet.

Silas: Don't be ridiculous, I know that doesn’t work. It was a golden bullet. Now was it a rabbit or a hare?

SIGN OF THE TIMES

When a woman can’t ask a man to open a door for her, that’s the sign of the times. A man can’t put a woman in the kitchen anymore; that’s good. But now he does the barbecue. The man is no longer the head of the house, neither is the woman; the children are in charge now.

Women even possess tool kits; well I never. But it doesn't stop there. Women play all sorts of sports now too. Cricket, football, both types of rugby, I mean female rugby league players! And even weightlifting. But men’s netball is not so popular, but I believe it exists.

I’m not complaining, far from it. People can do what they want. I’m delighted there are two types of sport. Some could be mixed of course. It’s the sign of the times and that's that. Unless you are going to get religious about all of this. But that is an entirely different matter.

ONE MORE

‘I’ll have one more,’ he said. Mr Girdle didn’t drink much. But tonight coming home from work, he found himself, inexplicably sitting in the pub. He had one drink. That was all he wanted. That, of course before someone had asked him quite innocently.

Would you like another?

‘I’ll have one more,’ Mr girdle groaned. That was ten whiskeys ago. And Mr Girdle couldn't tell whether he had only one or three or ten. So when Kevin asked him if he would like another one, Mr Girdle would answer.

‘I’ll have one more.’

One full year passed as Mr Girdle simply took drink after drink and didn't know where he was or how many drinks he had drunk.

You might think Mr Girdle was very drunk. That’s understandable, but that was not the case. No, for you see Mr Girdle was dead. He had been for years now. When he was alive, he was an alcoholic. He drank and drank, ruining his life in the end. Killing himself as it happened. He still doesn't know he’s dead, no. But what’s the fun in that? I have to have some fun don’t I?

After all, I am the devil...

THE CAT

The sun shined down on Yobi. He hated the heat and so was under a car for the shade in no time. Yobi looked out at the road. Footsteps. When the car door slapped, Yobi screeched low, and was out of there. He wasn't around to hear the driver stop and slide down in the front seat, not to drive away, but never to do a thing again. The young man had not suffered a heart attack. Also he was not the first, he would not be the last. He was slumped in the driver’s seat, his head hanging. Yobi didn’t care.

Yobi was happy now hungry. Home time. He arrived at the house. The fence at the back was high, but Yobi leapt onto it and like so many times before sat like a lion observing the savanna. Next the feline dropped down into the garden, along the short path and into the open door or through his flap to the kitchen and food. On this occasion there was nothing. There was not even an empty bowl of his master’s favourite sports team.

Quiet. Weird.

Yobi slivered into the main room where the humans generally occupied. Sir was there asleep on his favourite armchair where he usually looked at the square box.

Sir seemed very asleep this time. Yobi approached his master. He was different today, still. Yobi could not begin to explain. The orange cat climbed up onto the human who usually stroked him, played with him, and fed him. The most important thing was he fed him. Master smelled different today too. The face was strange. He wasn't all there. Yobi licked his human’s face. The taste was pleasant, like food. Here the cat stopped and leapt away. Sir was still not moving, the house was quiet, too quiet, even dead.

I’ll go upstairs to the children. Yobi was at the bottom of the stairs. No. He could still smell sir. So sweet. Then he saw mistress laying down on the kitchen floor. She was as still as sir. No face. Yobi went to sir again. He ate all of the human face. He ate mistress’s face too.

Delicious. I wonder what happened here? Yobi was genuinely concerned. He leapt up onto the window ledge. There were no humans outside. The car that nearly run him over was still there. The man inside was not moving exactly like sir and mistress.

Where are the children?

Yobi leapt away. He was at the bottom of the stairs again. he was hungry. Yobi yawned and stretched.

I think I will go upstairs.

HAVE A DRINK

I don’t know how it started, it just did. She told me about the disappearance of a baby a year ago. She was smiling when she started her story. By the time she reached the part when the baby was found, she was weeping her heart out. I didn't like it. Weird. I told her not to worry about it. She went on and on. She just kept saying.

‘I should not have told you, I should not have told you about that baby.’

I told her it was all right and to have a drink. She didn't want a drink. I insisted. She didn't want a drink. I wanted a drink. It was cold that night. Horrible. Not winter. Winter is often mild, even warm.

I poured myself a whisky. Drank it straight down. Poured another. Took one for her.

She was gone. She had got up and walked away from me. This hurt, yet I didn't show the pain; I didn't cry. I hadn't even cried for the baby. As sad as it was I couldn't even weep for my own child, because the child was mine, and that woman took him.

After half an hour, she forgot she was holding Raymond. She dropped my baby. She didn't want a child, she thought she did. She was wrong. He died. I haven't cried for my baby, but I’ll have a drink first.

I should hate her. But I don’t hate her.

PRIME

He was standing near the church at the top of the hill. He let me see him. His face was hidden under the hood, yet the chiselled features could not be mistaken. His full face had not changed since the last time I saw him, twenty seven years ago.

When he turned and walked into the graveyard I followed him. He stood at the old professor’s memorial. The professor was his old friend. He had protected the cave man all these years. Now he was gone.

‘I’m sorry,’ I told him, looking at the bland, no fuss wooden commemoration sign. The professor had been cremated.

‘I don't know if I will die,’ said the man who had no name. The professor gave him a name, but neither of them liked it. If he was referred to in any way, it was by the term Prime. I never used this word when I first met him.

‘What will you do?’ I asked him.

‘I will wander,’ Prime answered slowly with his deep rasp. ‘Travel the world. I have the time and power.’

‘Yes, you have.’

‘But I want you to do something for me.’

I looked at that amazing man, Adam, though he never claimed he was that ancient mythical character. I didn't ask him what he wanted from me. He simply continued.

‘You will not see me for a while, but I will return.’ Prime removed his hood. His ancient visage looked out into the light. He was handsome, strong, and dark. The black hair was curled, yet long, with natural twines. ‘When I return. If I return I want you to destroy me. Don't say no. You will do this unless I find something out there. An answer maybe.’

I complained just as he predicted. He ignored my small rant and was gone. He ran like a fox. I imaged him flying when had left my sight, and it would not surprise me if he did just that. I hope he never returns.

LIFE OR DEAF

MAN: I don't understand sign language you idiot.

HE SIGNS.

MAN: I don't understand sign language.

HE SIGNS AGAIN.

MAN: I’m sorry I don't under…

THE HEARING MAN WAVES HIS ARM TO SIGNAL NO. HE SIGNS WITH MORE MOVEMENT OF HIS HANDS. THE OTHER MAN IS SIGNING AND MIMING. THE TWO MEN CONTINUE TO MOVE THEIR HANDS ABOUT, NEITHER ONE UNDERSTANDING THE OTHER..

A THIRD MAN ARRIVES AND SPEAKS.

THIRD MAN: He’s not deaf, you know.

THE SECOND MAN: I thought he was.

FIRST MAN: I’m not deaf. I thought you were deaf.

SECOND MAN: I’m not deaf. I was just waving to my friend here.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

We never go to London, far too busy. We once went on my birthday, but I didn't like it. It was just too hot and busy. I prefer the countryside where we live. There are lots of cows you see. Much better than people.

People are weird creatures. We can never understand them. When we went to London, I understood why they are like they are. They can’t help it, poor creatures. We would like to help them, really, but...you know. Things as they are and all that. This illness they are all suffering from. We can’t help really.

Uncle Loma said this virus might finish off the people from above.

Yet they are still here, eating and drinking and destroying everything they look at. I hope they become extinct this time. It’s happened before, but they survived. They always survive. They've had wars and famines and more wars and all sorts of things I can’t begin to understand. They just continue to survive and do those horrid things over and over again. I’m glad to live in the burrow.

Uncle Loma says when Lord Reinag comes, he’ll deal with the creatures up there.

‘Mark my words, m-my c-cub,’ he said one morning. ‘Too m-many m-m-moons have past. Reinag will r-rule sh-shoon, young Tainok.’

I took all Loma said with a claw of dirt. But he just went on. Old foxes are like that.

‘Th-this b-virus will g- get r-rid of th-them up th-there, my c-cub. This l-land b-belongs to us-s f-f-foxes. We were here b-before them, and we’ll be-be here when they're l-long g-g-gone.’

‘Yes uncle,’ I'd say. And I wouldn't see him again for six months.

That was two days ago. He was terribly excited. Jumping up and down like a little cub.

‘Tainok, T-tainok!’ he called, climbing down into the burrow. Berah was with me.

‘What does he want?’ she said rocking our cub Yasol to sleep.

‘It’s-s happ-ppend, T-tainok. It’s happ-ppend.’

‘What’s happened uncle? What are you talking about?’ I said.

He stared at me with those old eyes, his eyebrows now grey and curly. I should know; they were saying.

‘Hes-s b-back, T-tainok. Lord R-Reinag has arrib-b-ved.’

JASON GRIMM

He knew the man from long ago.

He knew the man, nice man I’m told.

He knew him since he was a nip.

A pleasant chap by all accounts, they didn't call him Jay.

His mother would not allow that.

He joined the army, so I believe, he was not there very long.

Police was next, then a fireman. But this was all before he was at the factory, steady work but heavy on the bones.

Good old chap is what they said, always ready for a chat.

‘Good morning, good night, are you alright?’ That was enough for me and he.

Nice chap, I knew him when we were young, that was Jason Grimm.

THE BLACK PLANET

He couldn't believe what he discovered. Giles Hales found that the world he hoped for and was certain would prove the origins of life in the universe stemmed from a tribe of beings that resembled the Caucasian race: the light skinned humans of earth. This would confirm that the white race was indeed the higher species.

Scientists had sent out robots to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. The simple android named Arthur01 and Hales together with a party of several followers were determined to prove the ancient theory of white rulers. By now, the year 3000 pure white humans were rare. Giles Hales wanted to prove the original humans were white Caucasians from Eurasia, then rule the world in which he would create his master race.

The recorded pictures brought back from Arthur01 were about to be broadcast, while the small group of Halites were waiting and ready. Their power was at hand.

The live news was televised all over earth. The dark skinned, blonde woman smiled as she read out the findings that confirmed the original human ethnic group. As she spoke the Halites watched and listened with expectation. The other scientists were also anticipating the news about the first humans.

‘These findings are amazing and as expected,’ spoke the TV presenter, giggling, clearly delighted at the results. ‘There is no doubt that the first homo erectus were dark-skinned Africans with curling hair and produced the other ethnic groups as mankind spread around the world. We are indeed a black planet.’

The silence was deafening in the lab, then cheers, laughter, and celebrations. Giles Hales stood quiet somewhere in a dark corner of the laboratory, but soon reacted to the news they had just heard.

‘That’s rubbish. It’s not true. The first human were light skinned and pure. What lies. This is a conspiracy. Come with me, let’s start this revolution.’

In that eerie moment Hales had no followers. His men did not appear. They may have been in their own quarters or at a computer, even cheering in victory with the other scientists, but now Giles Hales was alone; he was the last white man.

YOUNG AND OLD

Bernard Dingley was born. Born to rich parents by good fortune. He was educated at one of the best schools in the country, had the best friends, with all the available girlfriends he could manage. Bernard was a natural at sport, swimming, cricket, football, rugby. He went to university where he later became a professor of English, history, languages, religion, mathematics, and was also very good at cleaning.

In time Bernard was married to a beautiful woman. Her name was Charlotte Hamilton- Loughborough. He had many mistresses too.

He and Charlotte had one boy and one girl, Roger, and Harriot. They were both successful, Roger a lawyer, Harriot became an accomplished fiction writer. Everything was perfect for Bernard.

As time moved on Bernard grew old. He became a grandfather, he became a great grandfather. When was in his 90s Bernard became ill, and at the ripe age of 97 Bernard died. Charlotte died the year before, though they were long divorced by then. Bernard had a grand funeral and his family said goodbye with a spectacular send off.

2. Bernard Dingley was born. His parents were moderately middle classed. Comfortable. Bernard did not do well at school. He was more interested in girls and cricket. An only child, Bernard was spoilt. However for all his good looks and loving parents, Bernard was unable to obtain the qualifications to attend university. But the young man was happy and determined. Eventually he become a record producer, making top recordings for famous pop stars. He enjoyed riches by his own efforts eventually marrying four times. He fathered five children and more, eventually had many grandchildren.

However, suddenly on his 49th birthday Bernard Dingley died of a heart attack.

3. Bernard Dingley was born. He was born to a poor mother. When the father found out she was pregnant he was gone.

Bernard’s mother loved him, she worked all the hours she could to keep her son happy.

When Bernard grew up he worked with computers, had a couple of relationship before marrying a woman with two children. They eventually had their own son, Peter. Bernard became a grandad, then he found out he had other brothers and sister from his father.

Bernard was briefly in contact with his half-sister Denise, but when he told her he didn't really know his father and hated him for leaving his mum, Denise was not happy with this, she loved her father and now he was dead. She thought this was disrespectful of Bernard to say such a horrible thing.

Bernard lived out his life. He died on his 79th birthday.

4. Bernard was born. He was a very sick baby and died a week later.

5. Bernard was born to Mr and Mrs Locke. He was the youngest of three boys. Bernard Locke was not clever or stupid. When he left school he worked in factories, hospitals, hotels, care homes. When Bernard was 42 years old he worked at Tesco supermarket. This was his 22nd job since leaving school. There were several occasions when a colleague criticized Bernard on his work. Bernard was sensitive and it was not the first time he had disagreements with fellow workers. One day Carl, the fellow worker pushed him once too often. With that Bernard walked out of the store. He did not go home. He just walked and walked. He was reported missing by his wife, finally being found thirty miles away. Bernard had suffered a mental breakdown.

As Bernard recovered he lived a quiet life. He never married and lived out his days in and out of institutions.

When Bernard was sixty-five he took an overdose.

Bernard had died and was in a white room. There were four other people in this room. They all looked like Bernard. They were all called Bernard. They were awaiting to be assessed for their final destination in the afterlife.

A tall man appeared presently, taking three of the Bernards away with him. A second man appeared to the final Bernard.

‘Where have those other people

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.06.2022
ISBN: 978-3-7554-1633-3

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Widmung:
This book is a vast selection of various styles from horror, romance, comedy, surealism and ideas and situations. Enjoy travelling to different worlds. While some are not even stories, you will enjoy some facts on politics and history.