You stare up at me, big brown eyes, still squinty from the light. The cool night breeze wafts past the mouth of the cave, and you take a shuddering breath, burrowing your head in my breast. Your father is asleep just a few feet away, and the animals have finally gotten used to his snoring. Except for the cat...he keeps sneaking up and jumping whenever he snores.

I pull my scarf higher up your face, sheltering you from the mild weather. The sky is dark, a rich velvety black with little crusts of diamonds. Not that I've seen diamonds, but I've heard of them. Mother used to say that I was her little diamond. You're now my little diamond.

The donkey just startled you. You're still not used to this big wide world. There's still a little of the flaky white wax around your eyebrows and in the little baby folds of your neck. I would wash you, but it's cold, and I don't want to put you down. Your father says that you have my eyes, and my mouth, and you have your grandfather's ears. But I can't figure out whose nose you have...it makes me wonder. I run my finger lightly across your face and down your cheek, and your eyelids drift shut. Asleep, finally. After visitors all night, I wondered if any of us would ever get sleep.

But then, I'm used to missing that. Nine months of worry and fear and your feet in my ribs...but that's all over now. All of their stares and their whispered words mean nothing as long as I can hold you. Little fingers curl around my finger and I can feel my eyes prickling with tears. My little prince. You seem so little right now...not at all what anyone is expecting. I'll keep hoping they will never expect it. Maybe your Father will forget, and you can be mine forever. Then, I wouldn't have to worry...but I know the words of the prophets. A little voice keeps telling me that you never were mine, and you never will be, but I don't want to listen. I'm holding you right now. I went through 18 hours of torture for you, and nine months of scorn. You are mine. Forever and ever. No one will take that away from me.

In your sleep, your little mouth searches for food. How could anyone think that you are King of the world? You can't hold your head up, and you need me to survive. You need me...those little toes that keep curling are mine to keep. That little nose is mine. You need me. You need me...

But I know, in my heart, that this is all going to fly past. One day, you won't need me anymore, and I'll need you. My mind tells me it's true but my heart refuses to listen. One day, you will save the world, and bring back the reign of the Lord. You swallow too fast, and all of a sudden you're spluttering and crying and flinging yourself backwards. Your father is awake and at my side, and it takes me a moment to get you to calm down. You seem to like having your head rubbed...soft hair...

It doesn't seem real. This little bundle of warmth will save the world? I remember the night you were concieved, and I know the truth. But for now, for the little while I have you, I will ignore it. You are my little diamond. Shhh....there you go...The dawn is brushing her pink fingertips against the horizon as you settle back to your meal. It's your first dawn, little Yeshua. Welcome to the world.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 26.01.2010

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