Prologue

 

 Momma always told me, that you’ll never find someone better than a southern boy, a guy that works hard, plays hard. Fixes just about anything that needs fixing loves kicking back with friends, bond fires, muddin, and drinking a cold beer. Was always wearing old worn in jeans, boots or crocs, faded out hat, t-shirt? When dressing up, he wore old worn out jeans, clean boots, and button down shirt. He has loud mouth when it comes to talking about girls, but he was true and faithful when it came to the one he loves. Country and southern rock music was all he ever played.

 

And to me that guy was Dakotah, I knew my mom would of loved him if she was still alive, It didn’t take me long to fall for Dakotah, four months and I was already planning on spending my life with him, a year and a half and that still hasn’t changed, but a lot of other things were about to.

 

“Fay you okay.” I heard Dakotah ask snapping me from my train of thought. He smiled his sweet southern smile that always melted my heart and I knew after tonight, nothing will be the same, but I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer.

 

“Can we talk” I asked staring at the ground.  He squatted down so he could see my face and grabbed my hands. My heart skipped every time he touched me I was so in love with him, but I just hope after tonight he will still be in love with me. “I uh- do you- umm do you remember when we talked about moving in and starting a family?”

 

“Yeah of course I do, and I still want to after graduation and I have the money to support us, is that what you’re scared about?” he asked. I felt my heart drop and I couldn’t talk. That was the one thing I didn’t want to hear. That he wasn’t ready. Without saying a word I pushed past Dakotah and ran out of the barn towards my truck. “Faith” I heard him scream each time he did it broke my heart even more. I didn’t hesitate turning on the truck and leaving because I knew it’s what I had to do.

 

 

Chapter One

 

14 months later…

 

I knew it was going to be hard, but it wasn’t until I pulled in front of my grandpa’s farmhouse just how hard it would be. Looking at the fields, the barn, all of it just reminded me of the reason I left in the first place. All the hurt I felt that night came back, and it didn’t hurt any less even after a year.

 

There wasn’t a day sense I left that I didn’t think about what I gave up by leaving Alabama. I gave up my best friend, my soul mate, the guy I wanted to spend my life with, and I think about that night all the time, wondering what if I just stayed, what if I did tell him that night about the pregnancy.  I grabbed the letters I put in my Bag, the 73 letters I wrote to Dakotah that I never sent and I started to read one.

 

 

 

Dakotah,

Im so sorry I left you, I have thought about you everyday Sense and the pain aren’t getting any easier. I left the other Half of my soul when I left you, but I thought it was best To leave, you’re so amazing and I couldn’t screw up your Life by staying so I left. But there’s not a day that I don’t regret leaving you I love you, you’re my heart and I Hope you can forgive me, I left because I was Pregnant and I wouldn’t stand telling you after you told me you weren’t Ready So I left, grandma told me you came by every day For the last nine months and It breaks my heart knowing I’m causing you pain, but im trying to do what’s Best I want You to graduate and do everything that you can’t do if you Had a Baby. God words can’t explain how hard this is, I’m so sorry. I love you, I always will.

 

XOXO,

 FAITH

 

 

I put the letter back in the box and wiped the tears that were now rolling down my cheek, he would never forgive me for leaving, but I didn’t blame him, it killed me to leave and knowing Dakotah it killed him even more that I left him without even an explanation.

           

I took a deep breath and got out of the old beat up Chevy, grandpa was expecting me, and with grandma gone now he isn’t the same. I could tell when he called me and told me the she was gone last week. He sounded empty, the same way I felt when I left Dakotah a year ago.  I grabbed the carry-on bag that had all my clothes until my other stuff was shipped back to grandpas. 

 

I was halfway up the stairs when I heard my grandpa’s voice.

 

“she loved you with all her heart boy, trust me I was there the night she boarded the plane, she wouldn’t of left unless she had to, and I’m in no place to tell you, that’s for her to tell you boy, but I will tell you, you where her life” he said his voice was stern voice. I stopped, he was talking to Dakotah. The way he spoke, he treated him like a son.

 

“She left me jack, if she loved me even just a little she wouldn’t of” Dakotah voice boomed. I felt tears start to fill my eyes again. He didn’t think I loved him. I dropped my stuff and ran into the living room where I knew they were that’s the only room that grandpa ever went in besides his bedroom. Grandpa was sitting in his recliner while Dakotah sat on the couch; well partially he was sitting on the edge of it. They both looked at me, the look on Dakota’s face revealed that I was the last person he expected to run through that door. He stood up and glared at grandpa, but I spoke before he could say anything else.

 

“That is not true!” I yelled, tears slowly rolling down my cheek. “I did it because I loved you” I cried.  He glared at me; I could tell there was no love left in his eyes anymore. He pushed past me and went out the door. My heart broke as the screen door slammed. It didn’t get easier when the person you love leaves you. No matter how many times it’s happened.

 

I sat on the couch and let the tears come; my grandpa walked over and rubbed my back as I cried.

 

“That boys’ in love with you Darlin’ he’ll come back” my grandpa said, rubbing my back in attempt to sooth me. I shook my head; he had nothing but anger in his eyes. I didn’t blame him though I left him without a word then suddenly reappear out of nowhere. “yes he is Darlin’ he wouldn’t be so angry if he didn’t love you, he’s only angry cause he still cares and it hurts him” he said pulling me against his chest like he did when I was ten and I cried. I didn’t push away I felt comfort in the fact that at least one thing didn’t change in the last year.  

 

Half hour later I was till laying on the couch, but grandpa was in the kitchen cooking me dinner, I guess with grandma gone he’s had to learn how to cook. I only ever saw grandma in the kitchen; it felt weird seeing grandpa in there.

 

There was a knock at the door but I was too into thinking about the past to get up, I knew grandpa would get it anyways.  “She’s in the living room, not really in the best of moods” I heard my grandpa say.

 

I was hoping that it would be Dakotah but I knew it wasn’t, it took a lot to hurt Dakotah and when you did, he’d hold a grudge. My heart broke as the thought of losing Dakotah for good. It was different leaving t Oregon, I knew I’d come back one day when I thought the time was right, but I forgot about the fact that he might not want me when I came back.

 

Willy’s tall stocky figure walked into the living room and I gave him the best smile I could even though I knew it wasn’t much of one.

 

“Hi Willy,” I said my voice more like a whisper.

 

“Hey fay” he said sitting next to me on the couch, he looked like the same Willy that I knew sense middle school. Tall stocky brown hair, shaggy, blue eyes, but  now he had a five o’clock shadow something I told him that would make him look older, and I was right. Besides that he was the same as when I left. “ Just give him time faith, he still loves you, you just really hurt him when you left without any kind of explanation, he was planning on proposing for your anniversary then you left him he was really messed up” willy said watching me, I’m guessing he saw the pain in my face so he started rubbing my arm.

 

“I was pregnant” I blurted without thinking.

 

“What! Is that why you left, you know he would have stayed by your side faith! You –“

 

“I know, I screwed up but I can’t go back and change it now Willy I asked him about our future that night and he said he wanted to but he wasn’t ready to move in or start a family!” I cried. I couldn’t stop I needed to tell Willy all of it no one else knew besides my grandparents and my brother. “I was scared so I left, I thought about adoption, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t give something that was part of him and me away”

 

“So you had the baby?” Willy asked, I nodded my head then continued.

 

“His names Bentley and he’s beautiful, he looks just like him, but I was scared Dakotah was moved on by now and I didn’t want to bring him here yet” I cried.

 

“he hasn’t touched a girl sense you left faith, for nine months he came here every day asking if you were back, after ten months he gave up, but it wasn’t by his choice It was tearing him apart, he gave you everything,” willy continued making my heart break even more, I never should have left in the first place it was the stupidest thing I had ever done and now I possibly could have lost him, for good.

 

“Willy, I don’t know what to do” I sobbed putting my face in my hands. I looked up at his sympathetic face. “I want to be with him he still has my heart.”

 

“then give him time faith, he’s still in love with you, if he didn’t he would have taken the ring out of his truck,”  willy said rubbing my back then kissing the top of my head, I was sobbing and couldn’t bring myself to say anything so I just nodded. “Just give him time” he repeated. I listened to his heavy footsteps get lighter and lighter than the screen door shut.

 

He was right I needed to give him time, and it would give me time to try and fix the damage I created in the first place.

Chapter Two

 

I curled the last strand of my hair before studying myself in the mirror, being a southern girl I usually didn’t have much black but I found a strapless short dress that went a little higher than my knees, it was short, but  not enough to be slutty, It was my grandma’s she had good taste I guess. I sat on my bed, and put my boots on.

 

Today was grandma’s funeral, and almost two weeks sense I saw Dakotah, he hasn’t come back sense the day I got here, I keep hoping he will but he hasn’t and each day it seemed less likely he would, and I hated myself for putting him in this position I was the one that left, I was the one who had this coming. Tears stung my eyes but I got them before they smeared my make-up. It didn’t hurt any less than it did from day one, but I couldn’t even begin to feel his pain because I know why he left me, he had no clue why I left him.

 

The knock on my door scared me, grandpa left an hour ago to arrive before others, at least that’s what he said I knew it was because he wanted to say goodbye to grandma one more time alone. I was gonna take my truck and meet him there.

 

“ come in” I said curious to see who was here, it was probably Willy, he’s been coming to see me every other day, checking on me and telling me to give him a little more time, I could tell he genuinely thought that Dakotah would come around but every day I wait it starts to seem less likely.

 

Willy walked in a black button down shirt and black khakis, he looked handsome, but he always has. I had a school girl crush on him sense elementary school, but he’s more like my brother than anything, he was the reason I gave Dakotah a chance.

 

Dakotah was your popular quarterback that could have any girl he wanted, he didn’t believe in love, so when he took an interest to me, for months I wouldn’t give him the time of day. It was Willy that told me to give him a chance that he genuinely liked me and wasn’t trying to sleep with me. Two weeks after our first date we were a couple and the year and a half after was amazing, he gave me that feeling you only saw in movie’s or heard about in books. And he wasn’t afraid to show me he felt the same way, on our one year he gave me a promise ring, and told me one day it would be an engagement ring.  I honestly thought nothing could tear us apart, that we’d be that couple that everyone wished they were.

 

“Hey your grandpa called me and asked me to come pick you up, he didn’t want you driving alone” Willy said coming in and sitting next to me on the bed. I let out a small laugh I loved my grandpa he was the only father figure I had growing up, but he worried too much, and I was afraid that would put him in his early grave.

 

“Okay, I’m ready” I said getting up and grabbing my phone from the dresser.

 

Willy stood up and opened the door for me, I smiled and walked in front of him, he did the same with the front door and I locked it before we started walking to his truck. He didn’t say anything, but with Willy it wasn’t uncomfortable like it might have been with someone else. When we got to his truck he opened my truck, getting a laugh out of me.

 

“Such a gentleman” I mocked climbing in his truck.

 

“Shut up” he said laughing.

 

On the way to the church blasting country music and singing, I noticed it distracted me from all the problems in my life right now, and I was so thankful to Willy for that.

 

When we got to the church people were arriving, I saw people I knew from high school, and others that I didn’t probably what we call “new townies” grandma was much loved so it didn’t surprise me the amount of people showed up.  I looped my arm with Willy’s so I wouldn’t lose him in the crowd as we made our way into the little white church.

 

“I’m surprised no one from school as said hi to me” I told Willy taking a seat next to grandpa in the first row. He muffled his laugh, why was he even laughing at that. “What?”

 

“They will when they realize it’s you Fay, you have to remember it’s been almost a year and a half and your hairs darker, your boobs bigger, and your stomach is actually smaller” he laughed trying to keep it to a whisper.

 

I looked down at my boobs which made Willy laugh. I elbowed him then turned towards the preacher who was about to start talking.

 

“We are gathered here to celebrate the life of a beloved, wife mother, and grandmother who lived a life free of selfishness and greed. Susanne Marie Bailey was” the preacher ranted, I blocked him out knowing if I listened any longer I’d start crying. My momma  died giving birth to me, my grandma was my only mother figure, and I was having enough trouble not breaking down with the loss of my grandma and Dakotah, I knew if I let myself go I’d destroy myself.

 

I was still trying to think about anything else besides where I was and why I was here, and my life in general when someone came up to me.

 

“May I sit here” a male voice asked quietly not trying to disturb the preacher. I looked up and I froze. All I could do was sit there and stare at him, his flawless features, then the memories came rushing back and I forced myself to look away, before I let myself cry. I moved closer to Willy he looked at Dakotah then at me and gave me the “I told you so” look. I shook my head and got a confused look back.  When Dakotah sat down something in me snapped. I got up and ran out of the church, leaving through one of the side exits making sure I didn’t interrupt the service. When I was outside I took of my heels and ran through the grass, no wonder why I lost so much wait, all I did was run.

 

Run away from here, Dakotah, everything that could hurt me I run from.

 

I ran until I came to the pond and just dropped down on to the grass, this is what I wanted, I wanted him and when he finally stops hating me long enough to talk to me I run. I was pathetic.

 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, I knew who it was, and just by the way his hands were all rough.

 

“You should hate me” I mumbled looking at the pond. The pond we use to go to look at the stars, the place where he first told me he loved me, and the place he took me and gave me the promise ring. Everything important happened at this pond, I guess that’s why I ran here without thinking and probably why he decided to look here.

 

“I tried to Faith, trust me I tried like hell to hate you” he replied with a calmness in his voice. “I thought hating you would easier than missing you.”

 

I stood up and looked at him tears rolling down my cheeks, my make-up smeared, and mud on my dress. “You remember the night I left-“

 

“Like it was yesterday” he interrupted making me cringe, he sounded so pained when he said that.

 

“Do you remember what I asked?” He didn’t even have to think about it more than a couple seconds before nodding his head.

 

“you asked if I remembered when we talked about moving in and starting a family together, and I told you yeah and I still wanted to after graduation and when had the money to support us” he said with a pain stricken faith, I could tell that night really hurt him.

 

“I ran because” I said before I started sobbing again. Dakotah stepped forward but I help up my hand telling him to stop. “I can’t tell you, but I can show you, take me to my grandpa’s and I can show you everything you need to know.”

 

“Okay “he said blankly walking back towards the church. I followed wiping my make-up away from my face, even though it was pointless I knew I’d start crying again any second. I knew he wouldn’t take the reason well but he had to know, Bentley was his son and Dakotah unlike me deserved to know and have closure. Even if he didn’t forgive me for this, at least He knew, and he didn’t think I left because I didn’t love him or didn’t have a reason.

 

When I got in his truck, uneasiness overwhelmed me the last time I rode in his truck was the night I left, the night everything changed. I got my phone out and texted Willy knowing he would freak out when the service was over, I knew my grandpa would kill me for leaving.

 

 

Hey, Im going home with D. he deserves to know. I can’t tell him so im gonna show him. Xoxo.

 

 

Thankfully the church was ten minutes in the house, even though it felt like hours before we got there I was relieved to get out of the truck. I use to love being in that truck but now all it did was cause pain. I jumped out and without saying anything I headed for my truck. I grabbed the box from the passenger side floor and slammed the door and headed to the porch, I could hear Dakota’s boots heavy behind me. When I got to the porch I dumped the letters out on the porch the looked at Dakotah.

         

   “I thought about sending them, but I knew you’d come for me” I whispered sitting on the steps. He sat on the other side and grabbed a letter. Opening it my heart started to race, this was the moment of truth; he’ll either leave today hating me or understanding why.

         

   “Dakotah I never meant to hurt you, I thought leaving was the best, you had so much to look forward to in your life, and I couldn’t live with myself if I stopped you” he began to read out loud, then he stopped and read it to himself, I knew this letter by heart, it was the letter I wrote the night I gave birth to Bentley I even put a picture in the envelope.

          

  I could tell when he got to the part about why I explained why I left and why I was in the hospital, he looked up at me. His expression was surprised and hurt. I looked away as tears threatened to come back again.

           

“You were pregnant” he mumbled. I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. I nodded as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Damnit Faith, you knew I wanted a family with you-“

           

“But you weren’t ready!”

           

“I never said that!”           

 

“Yes you did!” I sobbed.

 

“You said you weren’t ready”

           

“I would of rather of waited until after, but I wouldn’t have left it was my baby to!”

          

  “I was scared; I was trying to keep you from making a mistake”

           

“You were never a mistake, and neither was our baby” he snapped throwing the letter down. “It was definitely unexpected, but it wasn’t a damn mistake, and neither would of me taking care of the both of you I was planning on doing it in a few years anyways Faith!”

          

  “I’m sorry! Ok”

          

  “You should have told me, it was my baby, just because you carried him, doesn’t mean he wasn’t mine!” he yelled. I broke down and cried putting my face in my hands. I felt him grab my arms and pull them out from under my head. I looked at him.

        

    He looked at me before getting up and leaving. I watched as he walked away knowing I couldn’t do anything to make him stay, like he couldn’t do anything to make me stay when I left. All I could do was sit here and hate myself, and blame myself for everything.

             

I lost Dakotah because of what I did.

           

 

Chapter Three

 

“Please”

           

“No” I snapped at Willy.

           

“Please Fay, it will help you relax”

         

   “No”

          

  “I’ll give you ten dollars”

         

   “For the love of god Willy I am not going to the fire”

         

   “Twenty”

        

    “NO!” I yelled rolling over in my bed.

          

  “Final offer, twenty five”

           

Instead of answering I grabbed a pillow and through it at him as hard as I could. Then I went back to burying my face in the pillow, he was so stubborn it wasn’t funny. The pillow I threw came back and hit my head making me sit up and yell at Willy.

           

“I’m not going to that damn fire Willy, now let me go to bed! I just want to sleep! Don’t you understand how horrible these last two weeks have been?”

          

  “Yes and as your best friend, I’m here to tell you to get over it, and come have fun.”

         

   I ignored him and went back to laying down he would never get it. “You didn’t spend two years of your life in love with someone then have it ripped away okay, you don’t understand how fucking hard this is Willy, and it’s my fault because I got pregnant then left”

           

“Faith, it’s not your fault, you made a mistake, but everyone does-“

           

“Tell Dakotah that!”

           

“Faith dam nit he already knows now get your skinny ass out of bed, and get ready I will not let you mop around like I’ve been letting you do for the last two weeks, he’ll come back so stop wasting your life moping around”

         

   I looked up at him, I hadn’t heard Willy use that tone for years, when he used a certain tone it meant he wasn’t kidding and he would get his way. Instead of arguing I got up and grabbed a sundress in my closet. I looked at Willy who still sat on the bed.

           

“Get out before I change my mind” I said stubbornly. I waited for the slam of the door before stripping of my pajamas, even though they weren’t technically mine. It was Dakotah’s shirt and a pair of shorts. That vie used as pajamas sense a few months after we started dating.  It was one of the many things I took with me when I left, that he gave me.

         

   I finished then met Willy in the living room he was standing against the screen door waiting for me. I did a full body turn. Showing him my outfit.

          

  “You look fine, now let’s go I was supposed to be there an hour ago, tammy hates when I’m late” he mumbled holding the screen door open for me. I giggled as I walked by him and out the front door. The wind made Goosebumps rise all over my arms and legs, after being in Oregon it felt colder than normal.

 

“Your late for everything” I laughed opening the truck door.

           

“That’s my point, she says I need to learn to be on time or I won’t be able to keep a job” he mumbled as he drove down the dirt road.

 

”and what’s your opinion on that”

 

“She’s right”

 

“Someone’s whipped” I joked elbowing him.

 

“No I’m not I just think she’s right we just graduated it’s time to grow up”

 

“Whipped”

 

“No I’m not”

 

“You so are” I laughed looking out the window.

 

“I’m gonna ask her to marry me”

 

“What” I squeaked looking over at Willy. He was kidding Willy wasn’t the type of guy to settle down, I’ve known him sense I was three and he never once mentioned he wanted to settle down it was always racing and rodeo’s. “You’re kidding! You’ve only been together for a year”

 

“She’s the one.”

 

My jaw dropped, I left and come back to find out that the “irresistible willy” as everyone use to call him, was getting married. After a couple minutes when the shock wore of I was finally able to talk.

 

“Oh my god! Willy I’m so happy for you how are you going to ask, it better be romantic you only get one chance to propose” I ranted off. Willy laughed and turned onto a dirt road where the fire was in full swing. Trucks were backed up and people where sitting on the tailgate with their red cups. It finally felt like I was back home, expect for the fact I was with Willy instead of Dakotah, besides that everything else was exactly the same.

 

I jumped out when Willy finished backing up his truck next to another guy’s truck. Willy was already sitting on the tailgate when I got to the back, tammy was on his lap. Tammy was gorgeous she was tall brown hair that went a little past her boobs a models body with the prettiest blue eyes, and she was the sweetest person I ever met, growing up tammy and Willy hated each other, it was hard to believe when they started dating, but now it’s even more shocking that Willy’s making the ultimate commitment with her. I smiled and jumped up on the tailgate.

 

“Welcome back faith, it’s good to see you back it hasn’t been the same sense you left” tammy said smiling at me. I mouthed thank you as I reached into the cooler to grab a beer, last time we were at a fire I was pregnant so I couldn’t drink, but now that I’m not I can drown all my sorrows in alcohol.

 

To be honest, I missed the way it used to be, I miss him way more then I wished I did because I knew he wouldn’t forgive me for what I did. I looked around and studied the people who were there, I got polite smiles and waves but no one came up to me, which I was surprisingly happy about, I knew people would find out, but I didn’t want to explain it explain why I made the choices I did. When honestly I had no idea why I left either except for the fact I was scared.

 

“look who decided to come after all” tammy said nodding her head behind me, I looked and saw Dakotah, and just like every time I saw him butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and my heart started to race. Then I noticed the trampy blonde beside him and my heart stopped. She was wearing a black minidress that barely covered her crotch; it looked like she was going to a club instead of a fire.

 

Her hair was all tangled like she just had-my heart stopped at the thought of it, no he wouldn’t of done that to me. Would he? I felt tears start to come and made myself look away. It was my fault nothing would be like this if I hadn’t left. I felt my phone ring, but ignored it and turned to Willy who was staring at me.

 

“You okay” he asked. I nodded knowing if I answered my voice would crack and I’d start crying. When my phone started vibrating after a couple more seconds I picked it up, no one called me more than once unless they had to. I looked at the Id and saw my brother’s picture and my heart stopped. I answered it but didn’t even get a chance to say something before my brother started talking.

 

“Faith you need to come home now, were taking Bentley to the hospital."

 

Chapter Four

 

 

 

“Cody what happened is he okay what hospital are you at, what happ-“

 

“I don’t know he just got sick last night and throughout the day it got worse, I thought I was just the flu but I called the doctor and he said to take him to the hospital” Cody explained.

 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’m leaving right now “I answered and hung up before he could say anything else. Tears started rolling down my cheeks; I was such a bad mother leaving him in a different state for a month without me until Cody could bring him.

 

"Fay who was that, what happen-“

 

“I got to go” I interrupted Willy. “Bentley’s sick there taking him to the hospital I need to go” I cried grabbing my jacket from the tailgate.

 

“Faith” I heard someone say, I turned and saw Dakotah running towards me. I couldn’t feel any emotion, I was numb. All the hurt and anger I felt the last couple days, I finally broke I was numb.” Faith what’s wrong” he asked reaching me.

 

“Nothing, go back to your hoe” I snapped. I looked at Willy who was shutting the tailgate. I was about to go to the truck when I felt Dakotah grab my arm.

 

“No, what’s wrong, I know you better than anyone now tell me what’s wron-“

 

“I can’t deal with this Bentley’s in the hospital I need to go” I interrupted pulling my arm away from him.

 

“Willy I’ll take her” Dakotah said as I walked away. I turned around to say something but he already had my arm and was dragging me towards his truck. Instead of fighting I gave in, it was his son I had no right to tell him he couldn’t go sees him. I jerked my arm away but he had my arm to tight. I gave up and let him drag me to the truck. He finally let go after he opened my door for me I got in and went to put on my seatbelt when I remembered his truck didn’t have any.

 

Great if he crashed, we were dead and Bentley would lose both his parents, great job Dakotah, I thought as He floored it. I put my hands out on the dashboard stopping myself from diving face first into it.

 

“Damnit Dakotah, be careful or we’ll be dead by the time we get there”

 

“Gee I‘m sorry I’m worried about our son, the one I’ve missed out on sense he was born” he snapped speeding down the dirt road. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something I’d regret.

 

“And you think killing us will do any good” I asked sarcastically as he pulled on to my grandpas road. “Just don’t stop we don’t have time Dakotah” I snapped hitting the dashboard then pointing at the sky.

 

“Where not going to end up there for two days Faith, were gonna have to get a hotel anyways-“

 

“How do you know that” I asked confused. I never told him where I went when I left, and I haven’t got the chance to tell him sense I’ve been home. I stared at him as he drove down the street, after a couple minutes of him not answering I started to get angry. “How in the hell do you know that Dakotah.”

 

“Lucky guess” he mumbles turning onto the freeway ramp. I rolled my eyes and tried not to go off on him. How the hell did we get here? We used to be inseparable talking about the life we would have the kids we’d raise, we use to be in love, and now we can’t be within ten feet of each other without wanting to kill each other. I laid my head back and closed my eyes, five minutes down, two days to go.

 

I thought about the days in front of us, I knew we’d have to talk eventually but I was afraid that instead of it fixing stuff it would tear us apart for good. I felt my eyes sting and asked myself why I was such a freaking baby, all I’ve done for the past year and a half was mope around and cry.

 

 

 ****

 

 

 

My eyelids were still heavy, but I was just happy I got at least an hour or two of sleep. Two hours of escaping my sucky life, I wish I could have slept longer but usually when im under a lot of stress I couldn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time.  I opened my eyes and noticed we weren’t moving I look down and saw Dakotah, his head on my legs. My heart fluttered as I watched him sleep. He was so handsome.

 

“Why’d I ever leave you” I whispered running my hand through his hair, he was a heavy sleeper and I was thankful right now for that. He’s so angry and hurt that he was pushing me away and putting his guard up. “I was so stupid for leaving you, I wish I could go back and change it” I continued even though I knew he wasn’t listening. If he was listening right now I probably wouldn’t be able to tell him this, see the pain on his face. It broke my heart knowing I was the reason. I missed being the reason he smiled, not the reason he shut down.

 

I felt Dakotah shift and decided to pretend like I was asleep, it would be easier for the both of us if we just pretended like the other wasn’t there, and I know it wouldn’t last forever but for now, it was easier we were still both hurt. He rubbed his eyes, moaning like he always did when he first woke up.

 

Even with my eyes closed I knew exactly what he was doing, when your with someone that long you become a part of them, like it or not Dakotah was still part of me even after all this time, just like I was a part of him.

 

“Faith” he mumbled moving his hand up my leg making me shiver, it surprised me that even after all this time apart he could still affect me like this. I slowly opened my eyes pretending I was asleep and looked at Dakotah; he sat there staring at me, his expression showing nothing.

 

“Mhmm”

 

“Never mind” he said sitting up, putting his seatbelt on and starting the truck within seconds. Anger surged through me as I once again was reminded of everything I screwed up by leaving. Without saying anything I put my seatbelt on and stared out my window. I couldn’t do this anymore, sit here everything unsaid hoping he’d just decide to forgive me out of the blue. Truth was we were both hurt and neither of us have stopped being hurt, I needed to talk to him, if he loved me like he always told me he did, as much as I loved him, he’d forgive me even if it wasn’t right away, I have to try.

 

 

 ****

 

 

 

The sun was setting and I have yet to talk to him, ever sense this morning I kept waiting for the right time, but now thinking about it there is no right time, it was going to hurt like hell probably even more then when I left and there’s no right time for something like that, but it needed to happen. I need Dakotah back, now more than ever. I can’t stand the thought of him hating me and I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try and get him back.

 

I watched him as he drove down the highway, I could tell he was thinking. I wish I knew what about. He stiffened and I knew I was caught staring.

 

“Dakotah” I whispered.

 

“Faith” he whispered back like old times making me smile.

 

“I never meant to hurt you” I said. He gulped but didn’t say anything back so I continued. ” I thought you’d hate me later in life if I-“

 

“don’t say trapped, don’t you dare say trapped, I would have stayed for the simple fact I loved you more than life and I wouldn’t mind coming home to you and our kids for the rest of my life, not because I had to”

 

“I was scare-“

 

“ imagine how I felt when I found out my girlfriend disappeared and without any explanation you know how much that killed me, I wouldn’t leave your grandpa’s house for weeks because I thought you’d-“

 

“I’m sorry” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m so sorry-“

 

“Sorry doesn’t change anything Faith, you leaving did, and you left me heartbroken. I wasn’t the guy who stayed faithful to one girl until I met you, then you just break my heart like I meant absolutely fucking nothing to you!” he snapped pulling off to the side of the road. I swallowed back the tears. “I drove all the way to Oregon to find you”

 

“What?” I asked surprised. Then the realization hit me that’s how he knew how long it would take. He wasn’t lying.

 

“Willy told me, six months after you left he got tired of me mopping around and he told me”

 

“You knew I was pregnant?” I asked anger consuming me. He nodded his head, not bothering to look at me.

 

“You knew I was pregnant with your baby!”

 

“I thought it wasn-“

 

“He, the baby is a he and yes he was your son, I never slept with anyone besides you in my life, even after I left, I never even looked at other guys like that” I screamed shoving my door open and jumping out. I slammed it and started walking down the highway.

 

“Fay! Stop”

 

“Don’t fucking call me that” I screamed spinning around so I was watching him. “All this time I was so guilty and mad that I wanted to kill myself because I left, when you knew I was pregnant and you left me without a word. I guess you didn’t love me after all I was stupid for coming back” I yelled turning back around d, continuing to walk.

 

“I loved you I still do” he yelled grabbing my arm. I jerked my arm away.

 

“Go home Dakotah, I’ll find a ride, just go home” I snapped. I saw the hurt and shame in his eyes, tearing my heart, but the fact he knew I was pregnant and he assumed I cheated tore my hurt twice as bad. He opened his mouth to say something.

 

“No!” I snapped walking away as fast as I could. All this time I was hurt knowing I left him without knowing, without giving him the chance to be a part of our sons life, when all this time he knew I was pregnant. It made sense why he hated me now, because he thought I cheated, but at this moment I was sure I hated him more than anyone could ever hate someone. I despised him, I wanted to punch him.

 

“Faith Elizabeth-“

 

“Don’t you ever fucking call me that” I spat turning around and walking back towards where he was standing. “I told you I would never cheat on-“

 

“You also promised you’d never leave and you did.” He said as his eyes became glassy. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like someone was cutting at me.

 

“I had a reason to leave, I did it for you. What guy want to be a teen dad and I asked you before I left hoping you’d tell me you did. I left because I had to or I wouldn’t have leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did” I yell. Before I even think about what I was doing I ball up my fist punching him. Sharp pains immediately follow making me shriek in pain. I bend over and grab my wrist in pain. I hear Dakotah swear but it was too much of a whisper to really hear what he said. Within seconds I feel him pick me up off the ground. I continuing holding my wrist as he walks back to the truck. It took everything in my power not to fall apart and start crying. The only thing holding the tears back was Dakotah, the fourteen months we spent apart changed both of us, and I didn’t know this Dakotah. He might as well have been a stranger.

 

It definitely wasn’t Bentley’s dad, or the guy I fell so hard for.  I let him put me back in the passenger seat of the truck and buckle my seatbelt. When his hand brushed my hip there was no heat like there used to be. No butterflies in my stomach or toe curling I always did when he was touching me. My heart drops into the pit of my stomach and I feel a tear slide down my chick. I go to wipe it so Dakotah wouldn’t see it when the pain shoots back up into my arm making me scream out in pain.

 

I close my eyes. I listen as Dakotah starts the truck yet again and rev’s the engine before speeding off. He doesn’t say anything at all the only noise was the sound of cars speeding by. As bad as I didn’t want him to talk to me or be by me. The silence and not being able to concentrate on something made the pain seem twice as bad.

 

I focused on counting cars, and then attempted to close my eyes and count freaking sheep. Then I tried to do the sign game my family always did on long car rides. Go through the Alphabet using the signs, When that didn’t work I gave up and turned to Dakotah.

 

I’m guessing he saw me turn out of my proufrial vision, because he turned to me. He had tear stained cheeks making my heart skip a beat. He shakes his head and hits the steering wheel in anger as we come to the hospital entrance before I can say something he jumps out of the car and runs to my door throwing it open and reaching in to grab me. I try to tell him to stop but as usual he chooses to be stubborn and not listen. 

 

“Dakotah I hurt my wrist not my legs, I can walk” I say as he runs towards the entrance. He ignores me and is almost to the doors when a nurse comes out with a wheel chair.

 

“She uh punched m- my wall” he says as he sets me down in the wheel chair. I look up at him and see his eyes filled with regret and anger. I flinch at the pain, this time the pain wasn’t cause of my arm it was from my heart finally breaking. He regretted being with me and getting me pregnant and he was pissed I came back here. And in this moment I felt the same way, coming back thinking things hadn’t changed. Assuming we could just go back to the relationship we had before, I was so stupid.

 

I look back and watch as Dakotah stands there as the nurse wheels me down the hall at a fast rate. With every step I get further away from him, the world becomes blurry.

 

Then it turned black.

 

 

Chapter Five

 

 

I stare up at the ceiling.  I focus on counting the ceiling tiles as I wait for the doctor to come back. After spending six hours in the hospital getting a cast then getting tests because you black out could make anyone irritable. All I wanted to do is get the hell out of here and get back to my son. I didn’t have my phone to call Chris because I left it in Dakotah’s truck. I felt a pressure on my chest as I remind myself about Dakotah and the fact I hadn’t seen him sense the nurse wheeled me away from him. I sit straight up as I hear a couple knocks on the door. I was surprised to see it wasn’t the doctor.

 

“I thought you left” I mumble. He shakes his head and holds out a teddy bear wearing a cute little t-shirt that says get well soon. I hold back the tears as they threaten to escape. Now this is something the Dakotah I fell in love with would do. Not the Dakotah I’ve come to know sense I came back.

 

“Thanks” I reply as another series of knocks comes from the door. I look up to see the doctor walk back in. he looked like Paul walker but instead a little older with salt and pepper hair. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive for his age. He smiles at me then Dakotah.

 

“Ok Mrs. Montgomery”

 

“Actually it’s Ms.” I correct looking up at Dakotah he looked like he was depressed. I bite my lip and turn back to the doctor.

 

“Ok Ms. Montgomery well I’ve written you a prescription for some pain medicine which you can get filled at the pharmacy down on Thirteenth Street. The test came back all negative so I’m pretty sure it was just do to stress that you blacked out “

 

“You blacked out” Dakotah asked. I shrug my shoulders and continue to focus on the doctor.

 

“So your good to go, be careful to punching any more walls Ms. Montgomery” he jokes holding his hand out to me. I force a week smile and shake his hand.  Then he shakes Dakotah’s hand and without another word leaves the room. I turn to Dakotah who was staring at me, I could tell he was about to flip out on me for not telling him I blacked out.

 

“don’t even start Dakotah you were gone and when you came back we were only alone for a few seconds before the doctor came, I had no chance to tell you” I say standing up trying my best to be careful so I didn’t hurt my arm any more. The numbing medicine only worked so long.  

 

“I wasn’t going to say anything” he says opening the door and holding it for me.

 

“Yeah you not talking my ass you’re forgetting we were together for years, I knew you better then you knew yourself.”

 

He remained silent not saying anything as we walked back to his truck. It was uncomfortable like a first date awkward. Neither one of us knowing what to say. that feeling of not knowing someone that’s how it felt. 

 

I was relieved to say the least when we reached his tuck. The sun was setting, the air was becoming colder and I was wearing a sundress. Like always Dakotah opened my door and helped me get into it at first I wished he wouldn’t of it reminded me of the old him, the one that was so easy  to love then I was thankful he did because being near the new Dakotah ended with me in a cast.

 

“Let’s go get your meds before we find a hotel for the night” he says turning on the truck.

 

“What we were supposed to drive through the-“

 

“Yeah but you can’t drive heavy machinery and I’m to the point where I’m about to pass out. Trust me I want to get there just as bad, but we’ll never make it if we die before we get there.”

 

“Fine” I give in reluctantly

 

 

 ****

 

 

 

“We have no choice, there’s not another motel for miles faith, and it’ll be fine I’ll sleep on the floor if it’s that big of a deal”

 

“That’s not the problem, they don’t even have a heater or phones what kind of hotel is this” I hiss as I follow behind him. The temperature was dropping every minute and these rooms didn’t have freaking heaters I’m surprised they even had two beds, we’ll technically a bed and a hide a bed.

 

“Faith we’ll figure it out ok just calm down” he says sliding in the room key. I look around at the surroundings and it felt like it was straight out of a horror movie set. I follow him into the room making sure to lock the door latch before anything else. I watched as Dakotah set my medicine down on a nightstand before observing the room they, although cheap, a huge rip off.

 

“sleeping in the truck might have been more comfortable then this” I say looking over at the bed, there was no way it was a queen like the guy said, it was barely a double. 

 

“I’m sorry” Dakotah says sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes looked sad and angry.

 

“it’s fine Dakotah, we’ll make it work” I say running my jands through my tangled hair over and over.

 

“ no I mean I’m sorry for letting you go that night” he whisphers barely loud enough for me to hear. My heart starts to race as the words sunk in. “I should have came after you, and maybe everything would be different. We could have been a family I could of proposed to  you but instead I just let you go I just didn’t know why you left, I thought-“ he says before pausing. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach as the silence filled the room. He thought what? Why did he think I left! I watch as he inhales sharply. “I thought you fell out of love with me” he added his voice cracking causing my chest to feel tight yet again. Even with barely any light I could see a tear as it ran down his cheek.

 

Before I even realized it I was crying too. I shake my head as he looks at me.

 

“that’s not true I never stopped loving you I told myself it was better-“

 

“losing you and my son almost killed me” he says standing up and walking towards me. my heart speeds up with every step he takes.  He stopped when he was an arm length away. I caught my breath and looked up at the ceiling trying to hold back the tears that so badly wanted to come.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“me too faith, me too” he mumbles running his hands through his brown hair. I use to love doing that, his hair was just to irrisistable not to touch. He looks at me, and I mean really looks at me. like he was meeting me for the first time and was trying to figure me out. Then he was gone, he brushed past me, and I forced myself not to look. I knew he was leaving, just like I kept leaving him everytime I got scared. Up until I left he was always there to stop me, but now he was the one leaving.

 

My chest tightened, it felt like someone was suffocating me. so this was how it felt when someone you love leaves you. Like everything was collapsing, your whole world caving in on you. I turn around to stop him but I was to late. The door slams just as I turn around leaving me in this empty cold room alone. I drop to my knees and finally let the sobs out, the crys I’ve held in ffor fourteen months. I let myself lay on the dirty floor not thinking about anything not even how dirty this carpet probably was.

 

All I wanted to do was cry. And cry some more until I couldn’t cry anymore.

 

So that’s what I did I curled myself into the fedal position and let myself cry for the first time in  almost a year and a half. I let more time pass as I cried until I heard a beep signaling a text message on my phone. I wiped my face with and stifled my tears before reaching for my phone.

 

It was chris.

 

 

They’re keeping bently overnight to run tests and watch him, no idea whats causing him to be sick have you left yet Bentley keeps asking for you.

 

              

 

  I wipe my eyes again before responding to him.

               

 

Yeah, be there A.S.A.P tell him mommy loves him

.

 

I wait for the text to send then make myself get up of the ground using the bed as a support. I decide to wait until the morning to take a shower, I just didn’t have it in me at this point to take a shower. So instead I crawl onto the bed making sure not to use my right arm. Without bothering to put the blankets over me I lay down and pick up my phone. Bently’s picture showed up on my phone making me smile and cry at the same time.

 

I thought I did the right thing leaving to live with chris, but I didn’t I was thinking about what was best for Dakotah and I, not Bentley. If I was thinking about bently I should of stayed, but instead I took him away from his dad.

 

I was just as bad as my dad.

 

 I promised I would never be like him, but I was turning out to be just like him.

 

“I’m so sorry” I cry to bently’s picture before burying my face into the pillow  and letting myself fall apart yet again. After what seemed like hours I felt myself fall into a deep sleep where I would be numb to the pain of reality. The pain that I caused myself.

 

 

 

 

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful

 Stop me and steal my breath

 And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky

 Never revealing their depth

 

 

 

Edwin McCain sung waking me up. My eyelids still to heavy to open them so I keep them shut and just lay there listening to the song. What use to be our song the song that I use to believe brought amazing memories back now it just brought back memories good and bad.

 

 

And tell me that we belong together

 Dress it up with the trappings of love

 I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

 Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

 

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder

 I'll be love suicide

And I'll be better when I'm older

 I'll be the greatest fan of your life

 

And rain falls angry on the tin roof

 As we lie awake in my bed

 And you're my survival, you're my living proof

 My love is alive, and not dead

 

And tell me that we belong together

 Dress it up with the trappings of love.

 I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

 Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

 

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder

 I`ll be love suicide

 And I'll be better when I'm older

 I'll be the greatest fan of your life

 

And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,

I tuned in, I turned on, remembered the thing that you said.

 

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder

 I'll be love suicide

 And I'll be better when I'm older

 I'll be the greatest fan of your life

 The greatest fan of your life

 

 

I kept my eyes shut because I knew the minute I opened them I’d have to face reality once again and I was already falling apart I had no clue how much more I could take before I completely broke.

 

“nice song choice I didn’t know you still listened to that” dakotah’s voice faintly said as I feel back into sleep. I pictured Dakotah standing there in his jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt.  I smiled at him.

 

“why wouldn’t I?” I ask.

 

“well why would you” dakotah’s voice says, this time louder and closer. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up straight. My eyes shot open and I saw Dakotah standing at the edge of the bed in jeans and a flannel his arms crossed, hia expression blank. I scream before it registers that it was Dakotah standing there.

 

“jesus Dakotah, you scared the crap out of me!” I snap picking up and throwing the pillow on the bed at him. He dodges it, unfortunately crappy coffee maker sitting on the table wasn’t as lucky.

 

The coffee maker lands on the carpet with a large thud, and in that instant my heart stops expecting everything to be shattered or broke. I release a relieved breath when I look and see nothing broken.

 

“way to go sleeping beauty” Dakotah says sarcastically picking it up and placing it back in its spot on the table.

 

“shut up dokatah” I groan flopping back down on the bed and looking at the ceiling the way half the room was lit up while the other half was dark because the angle of the sun.

 

“you ready for your meds fay” Dakotah asks sendind shivers down my body. God how I missed him calling me that. I shake my head and flip back over so I’m laying on my stomach. I feel the bed dip down then his hand rubbing my back. “you ready to head out?”

 

I answer with a shake of my head and go back to enjoying the tingling sensation as he rubs my back. “ I saw the picture of Bentley on your phone last night, he has your eyes” he blurts out. I sit up and look at Dakotah giving him a “what about it”  shake of head and shrug .

 

“he has your lips and nose and the birthmark on  his side” I say staring down at the sheets, playing with them as an attempt to keep me busy. To keep me from having to look at dakotahs face. “he looks more like- more like his dad then he does me”

 

“ yeah he’s a handsome devil, I bet he’s a heartbreaker at the playground” Dakotah jokes nudging me. I laugh my keep my eyes looking down at the sheets.” Especially with those stunning blue eyes, I bet they put all the girls under his spell just like you-“ he says pausing.

 

“like I did to you” I finish. He answers with a nod before standing up. My heart sunk as i continued to stare at him. I wanted what we use to have back so bad.

 

“do you want to take a shower, I have clothes you can borrow so you don’t have to change back into those”

 

“yeah” I say getting up and walking to the bathroom. Before going in I look at Dakotah and smile at him, my heart skipped a beat when he smiled back at me. i go into the bathroom and smile like an idiot. I look at myself in the mirror, my hair all tangled and my make up smudged.

 

 

 

You never stop loving someone, You either love someone forever, or you never loved them at all.

 

          

  Even today my moms words had their ways of helping me, her physical body might not be here any longer but even today I could feel her heart and soul right where I needed it to be, with me. I didn’t even notice I was crying until I felt a tear drop on my hand. I wiped the tears and turned the shower on thinking about my mom, she always knew before I even met Dakotah he’d be the love of my life. When I met Dakotah he was everything my mom described as the guy id spend my life with. At first it scared the hell out of me I guess it was just a mothers intuiton but I stayed clear of Dakotah, but he still managed to win my heart.

          

  She loved him, the last couple months we had left with her she kept telling him to take care of her little princess a love that we had was a one in a billion possibility. She would be so disssapointed in me to find out I left him. I broke his heart and mine and I took his son away from him. I peeled my nasty clothes off and got in the shower letting the hot water run down my body making sure my cast was covered like the doctor instructed me.

           

As the water ran down me I stared at the wall thinking back to my mom.

          

  ‘I’m so sorry mom’ I saod to myself.

           

I really messed this up, my mom would be so disappointed in me. I let down my mom, my son, and Dakotah and I really screwed up running away and letting Dakotah slip away from me.

           

I had to fix this, I had to try.

           

Even if it was to late.

Chapter Six

 

 

My heart sank as he handed me a pair of jeans and a black tshirt that had the words COUNTRY BOY’S LOVE G.R.I.T.S. on the front. I  grabbed them from him and went back to the bathroom before he caught me tearing up. Why would ha give me some girls clothes although they were really cute to wear, some girl he probably had sex with at one of the many partys during the fourteen months I was gone. I couldn’t look at anyother guy sense I left and here he was hooking up with girls. It hurt worse then my broken arm.

 

I balled the shirt I was still holding up into a fist and threw it at the wall. Then backed up against another wall and let myself slide down.

 

The worst pain I ever felt consumed me as I sat there in the bathroom trying to hold myself together while trying to figure out why he’d do something like this. Yesterday he was so sweet and he pretended like he cared was that an act? Was he just being nice because we had a son together?

           

There’s one thing I knew for sure, I had to keep my distance from Dakotah from this point on, I was still as in love with him as I ever had been but it doesn’t look like it was the same for Dakotah, I’d be civil for Bentley but  as for dakotahs’ and I relationship we were just parents to a beautiful baby boy . from this point on I wouldn’t let my feels involve in it.

        

    I put the close on feeling disgusted that I was probably wearing some hoe’s clothes but I needed clothes and these were cute. I hope he at least had the decentsy to watch these before he gave them to me. I felt something poked my side, reaching down I pulled it and saw a tag. What the hell? If these ain’t some girls clothes then why the hell did he have em’.

          

  “Dakotah!” I yell struggling to button the pants with the cast. Seconds later Dakotah was in the bathroom. “I need I can’t button these stupid jeans with this cast on.”

        

    “no need to say more” he laughed reaching down and  buttoning them for me burning my skin when he brushed against me. I sucked in a breath causing him to look up at me. he looked confused then I saw aa fondness in his eyes that made my knees weak, I forced myself to look away. No I promised not to let my emotions get involved again, so far all its done is make it hurt.

         

   “fay” he whisphers, I could tell I was hurting him by the way he spoke, and for a southern boy lik him I knew it was hard when it came to showing people when you’re in pain. I felt his hand caress my cheek  making my heart skip a beat. I closed my eyes tighter and bit my lip hoping he wouldn’t make me look at him. “please” he adds moving my face so I was facing him. My eyes were squeezed so tightly shut I could see black and white.

       

     “go Dakotah” I tell him still keeping my eyes shut.

      

      “ no I don’t run away that’s always been your thing. please faith I’m sorry I can feel you sliping away from me and I won’t let you do it again.”

       

     “ go” I say more stubron this time. I feel his hand alide down my arm unti he got to my hand and squeezed it.

       

     “open your eyes first”

        

    “no”

     

       “faith” he pleads. I wait a couple seconds before I feel my eyelids getting looser and looser, I guess my heart knew what it wanted, even though my head said no. I looked at him his eyes glassy.i wanted to wipe them away and tell him I was there, I was right in front of him. But all I could do was replay the last year and a half run through my head and I held myself back.

          

  “you don’t love me Dakotah, you thought I cheated on you, if you loved me you wouldn’t have cared weather I did or not, which I didn’t” I said my voice cracking at the last half. “then you brought that girl to the party last night-“

           

“ I was stupi and I never stopped regretting that, and for the girl I was only her ride to the party we separated after”

          

  “ then you gave me some hoe’s clothes to wear, I never once looked at another guy because I loved you you wouldn’t have if you loved –“

           

“I didn’t” he said reaching up and pulling the tag off the jeans and holding it for me to see. “I bought them for your birthday, but never got the chance to give them to you, I have the recipt if you don’t want to believe me.  jesus hope I never loved or have been with another girl in my life sense the day I left you” he said angerly throwing the tag onto the counter. I thought about it and he was right, I never payed attention after I saw them walk in I was to pissed and well the evidence was on his side for the clothes.            

  “but” I said pausing to try and think about any other reasons to not believe him, anything. Nothing came he was right I was the one who was constantly pushing him away he never gave me a reason to doubt his love, yet I gave him a million.

       

     “why are you here, I gave you so many reasons to leave why would you stay with me. Is it cause we have a son-“

          

  “no-“

           

“if you’re afraid I won’t let you seem him if were not together you’re wrong he needs his dad-“

          

  “faith shut up-“

           

“ don’t deserve you, I screwed up” I barely got out before I was stopped by dakotah’s lips on mine. Fireworks like they always did went off in my head . he pushed me back so I was pressed against the wall before stopping.

           

“thank you, now I know you felt that too.”

         

   I nod not knowing how to respond, feeling like a complete idiot in front of him, it wasn’t the first time though and he’s allways told me he thinks it’s cute when I get tongue tied, but it made me feel like a complete idiot. He pushed away from the wall but kept his eyes on me, his face said it all, he was telling the truth.

          

  “now come on, let’s get back to our son” he said letting himself smile weakly. I answered with a nod once again.

 

 

 

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours. if they don't they never were.

 

 

 

My moms words once again making their way into my head, but he didn’t come back. well he came but left again. Did that count?

 

“yes it counts” Dakotah says making me jump scaring the shit out at me. I looked at him confused.

 

“how’d you know what I was thinking”

 

“ your mom definitely had a way with words, I did come for you faith. I regret not staying longer but I never stopped loving you and I came back last night didn’t i?”

 

“yeah”

 

“then it counts fay” he says smiling and kissing my cheek giving me the butterflies he was always good at making me get. Hell just being around him or thinking about him made me get butterflies in my stomach.

 

“if anything the time we were apart made me realize just how much I love you”

 

“and how much is that” I blush and laugh. He looked relieved,I knew he was to  see me back to my old happy self, he hadn’t seen me happy sense the day I found out I was pregnant with Bentley. It wasn’t the fact that I was pregnant but the fact I was scared as hell.

 

“to the moon and back Faith Elizabeth Montgomery” he says making my heart melt. Even after a  year and a half he never forgot that. “ and then some” he added with a smirk on his face. Without warning I run and jump into dakotahs arms making him stumble back, but not enough to make him fall backwards.

 

“I missed you so much” I whispher in his ear. He holds me tighter in response before letting me down.

 

“you need to be more careful with that cast it should be categorized as a weapon” he jokes lifting up the purple cast pain shooting up my arm. “shit sorry let’s get some meds in you then hit the road.”

 

“sorry and ok sounds good to me” I say as excitement filled me. for the first time sense Bentley was even conceived we were finally going to be a family and nothing could ruin the excitement and the happiness I felt knowing it wasn’t to late I had the love of my life back and my son had his father back.

 

Before taking the medicine I realized I had to eat something first or it would nake me sick, and the first time in a long time  I actually had an appetite. So we grabbed everything and hit the road in search of somewhere we could eat. Unfortunately the town here didn’t have much to choose from.  We settled for a restraunte called frankie’s next to a liquior star and a bar, great it reeked of boo’s. Dakotah put the truck in park before jumping out and running to my side where he opened the door and helped me out being extra careful with my arm now that last nights medicine was wearing off.

 

He shut my door then grabbed my hand. He kissed my cheek then we walked into Frankie’s it smelt like waffles. Donkey from shrek popped into my head and I stifled a giggle.

 

“Donkey?” he asked as a waiter walked over to us. I nodded my head and laughed. It was incredible how you could know a person so well you can even know what they’re thinking, I still didn’t know how he was able to do that. “two” Dakotah told the waiter. He looked around then told us to follow him were he led us to a round booth in the corner of the room. I let Dakotah slide in first so I could sit on the edge and not have to slide in or out.

 

“may I get you guys anything to drink” the waiter asked. He was a tall scrony dude with a shaved head.

 

“mountain dew” we said in unison. The waiter laughed andnoded before leaving us to be alone. I looked around the crowded restraunt. From the outside I didn’t think It would be nearly as packed, I guess they made good food to attract this many people. Or maybe these were vacationers who were starving and couldn’t find any other place to eat and this place serves terrible food.

 

I guess we’d find out.

 

As I continued to scan the room I met the gaze of a girl and her friend both giving me daggers. What the hell? Both were blond big chested girls, but one was dressed a lot classier then the other. I scrunched up my nose in disgust before looking at Dakotah scanning his menu intently. I smiled and kissed his cheek before picking up my own.

 

“hey there good looking” a girls voice said. Dakotah and I both looked up. Surprise , surprise it was the not so classy blonde girl with the huge boobs standing in front of this. My blood started to boil. Did she not see I was here. I felt Dakotah grab my hand calming me down.

 

“excusme me? do I know you?”

 

“oh I thought for sure that night we spent together in july a few years ago then last month you’d remember me Dakotah” she said smirking at my. My heart stopped, I felt him squeeze my hand tighter he was trying to stop me from leaving. I looked at him who was giving Ms. Bimbo a shocked look.

 

“july of what year” I ask through gritted teeth.

 

“oh twelve” she answered making my heart drop into my stomach we started dating  june of oh twelve. And he promised me he never been with any other girl except for me. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to keep the tears back. I would not under any circumstances break in front of all these people.

 

I jerked my hand away from Dakotah.

 

“faith, I don’t even know her-“

 

“then how does she know your name” I say raising my voice. People start to look but at this point I couldn’t be any more embaressed then I already was. “you’re a liar Dakotah, I can’t believe I ever belived a word you said, I told you when we got together I was going to be the only girl you’re with or I’d leave, you swore to me Dakotah, and last month, what happened to I  haven’t been-“

 

“it never happened” Dakotah snapped standing up. ”who are you I never slept with you, I would never sleep with a bimbo like you” he yelled at the blonde.

 

“really cause I rember you calling my name more then once and by the way that birthmark on your hip-“ I couldn’t stay hear and listen to any more of this. She got the point across, he cheated on me more then once. He lied to me, and I believed him.

 

“faith stop!”

 

“go to hell Dakotah, you deserve her!” I yell as I walk back towards the front doors, instead of doing what I should have, go back to the truck and just ignore him until we got to Bentley, I turned onto the sidewalk and started walking. I was afraid being by him he’d turn on his charm and get me to forgive him when he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. He cheated on me a month after we got together, then again last month.

 

I knew I couldn’t blame him for the one last month, I was the one who left him it had been over a year sense I’ve seen him, but it was his fault for lying. If he lied about this hes probably lied about more things I don’t know about. I would have been a fool if that bimbo wasn’t there. I would have never known wht he did. My blood boiled t the thought of it, what else has he lied about? And how many of those bimbo’s are out there.

 

 

Don't forgive people because you are weak. Forgive them because you are strong enough to know that people make mistakes.

               

 

Those were the words my mom had told me when I was fourteen. I can remember that day is clear as day, it was the day my mom found out my dad had cheated on her. Being thirteen I  thought that mean my parents were going to split up, get a divorce like most couples would.

        

    As I cried myself to sleep and I told her I didn’t want our family to split up she caressed my cheek and told me that. After that my dad stopped drinking and focused on mom and I, he stayed faithful from there on out.

         

   But this wasn’t the same, he was unfaithful more then one time, with my dad it only happened once.

        

    “fay! Stop fay! It only happened once back when we first started dating, she’s lying about last month I swear faith” I hear aiden yell along with his truck sputtering to a stop. I held my hands up telling him to stop.

         

   “just go home Dakotah, I never should have came back “ I snapped knowing it would hurt him. His facial expression went hard letting me know it worked.

 

“don’t say that, I swear on everything I love I never cheated on you after that one time in ju-“

 

“funny isn’t it, this morning it was you never cheated on me”

 

“I was drunk we got in a fight I thought you were going to dump me, I was scared as hell a month into the relationship and I fell hard for you, I’m sorry faith, I swear it never happened after that!”

 

“after all the shit we went through and I stayed by you why couldn’t you tell me”

 

“I just wan’t to forget that night ever happened”

 

“well look how that turned out Dakotah” I scream throwing my hands up in the air. “it’s over Dakotah”

 

“faith” Dakotah yells as I walk away from where he was parked. Grabbing my phone I dial Willy’s number. Thankfully he picked up on the second ring.

 

“ello”

 

“willy” I say as my voice cracks. “can you come pick me up”

Chapter Seven

 

 

“you know he’s following us right” willy asks accelerating onto the speed ramp. I nod as I stare in the sideview mirror.

 

“yeah I can’tstop him from seeing his son, it’s not fair to bently” I answer putting a Nickelback CD in the player and turning up the volume. I was done talking about him I just needed to get home and see my son, our son. Figure out what I’m going to do cause right now I had no freaking clue.  

 

 

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

 

 

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

 

 

I sang along then look over at willy who was singing alone, and he wasn’t good. he started to laugh and bob his head with the song so I joined him. I laughed even harder when people in the cars passing looked at him and started laughing. When the song was over I turned the volume down.

 

“if today was your last day how would you spend it?”

 

“do you want the truth”

 

“of course I do” I laugh looking at him with the well-that’s-a-stupid-question- look.

 

“I’d spend the day with the girl I love doing my two favorite things, drinking beer and sitting by the bondfire” he answers with a goofy smile. He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. “how would you spend it?”

 

“I honestly don’t know, probably with Bentley and Dakotah telling them how much I loved them and I’d always be there even if my physical body wasn’t” I say looking again in the sideveiw mirror. He cheated on me, Dakotah cheated on me who knows how many times. Why do I still want to be with him after that?

 

“thinking about your mom?”

 

“yeah, I just miss her so much more and more everyday sometimes I wish god would just tak me you know so I can be with her again, then I think about the fact she’s kill me when I get up there for leaving Bentley and I can’t help but smile”

 

“she was an amazing person fay, I probably would of married her if she was as young as us” he laughs trying to ease the mood. I roll my eyes and turn the radio back up.

 

“that’s so gross that’s my mom” I mumble as never gonna be alone starts to play. I squeal in excitement causing Wily to swerve into the next lane. Instead of being scared I burst out in laughfter.

 

“crap faith I’m driving here”

 

“gee I haven’t noticed” I say sarcastically punching his shoulder. He rolls his eyes but doesn’t respond so I go back to closing my eyes and letting the music carry me off out of reality even if it only lasted for a few seconds until someone honks and scares the living daylights out of me.

 

 

 

“Faith, faith, faith” willy’s voice repeats in my ear.

 

“you’re such a freaking creeper” I laugh opening my eyes. damn I must really have deprived my body of sleep the last year. Every chance I got I was out. I hear willy laugh and slam his door shut. I sit up to see a chevron gas station. Willy bends over so his heads sticking into the car.

 

“you want anything”

 

“mountain Dew and Oreos” I yawn rubbing my eyes.

 

“okie dokie” he says before walking away. That’s when I notice Dakotah’s truck parked next to us and my heart sinks.

 

‘you have to talk to him eventually’ I tell myself  looking up at Dakotah and willy, talking. I wonder what they were talking about. They seemed to be really deep in conversation, by dakotah’s expression it seem to be heated too. I decide to stop  it before one of them starts a scene. I jump out of willy’s truck and cross my arms over my chest.

 

“willy just hurry up and get the stuff before I start yelling” I say. He starts to say something but stops himself last minute. Instead he nods and goes inside.

 

I look at Dakotah he was  looking at thr ground. He was ashamed and honestly, I didn’t feel bad for him. He should be ashamed of what he did.

 

“thanks” he mumbles keeping his eyes on the ground.

 

“I didn’t do it for you”

 

“Faith-“

 

“I love you because you’re the father to my son, but from now on that’s all  we’ll ever be, parents to a beautiful baby boy.”

 

He shakes his head in response, still not bothering to look up.

 

“no that’s not good enough for me Faith I’ll-“

 

“then you should’nt have cheated or lied”

 

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to fix it, I’ll never give up on you”

 

“you’re wasting your time” I snap getting frustrated. I was broke, I couldn’t love him anymore it hurt so much to the point I finally broke.

 

“not to me it’s not-, your worth it”

 

“were was this Dakotah when you cheated on me” I snap as my blood starts to boil. Willy comes out and hands me the bag  just in time before I started to yell at him.

 

“thanks” I say giving Willy a smile and going back to the passenger side of his truck. I look back up to see Dakotah staring at me before climbing back into his truck. How could someone be so in love with someone one minute then feeling absolutely nothing for them the next, was I finally done with Dakotah? Were my feelings gone past saving?

 

“faith you okay, you look like your puppy died or something?” willy asks placing one hand on my shoulder.

 

“I’m fine” I lie. Something did die, but it wasn’t a puppy. It was a part of me,  the part that gave itself to Dakotah a long time ago. Part of me wished I never found out about the blonde bimbo, whatever her name was, that I never found out about him cheating so I didn’t have to deal with the pain he was causing me. so we could still be together happily so I wouldn’t have to explain to bently why his dad and I weren’t together as he grows up.

 

But life’s not fair, and I’d have to deal with the cards I’ve been dealt.

 

“whats on your mind faith, “ willy asks as we once again accelerate onto another ramp. I look in the sideview mirror without thinking to catch a glimpse of Dakotahs truck.

 

So many things were consuming my body at this point. I was so mad at him , while part of me was hurt and another was regretful for walking away this easy, and I was more then anything in pain. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He promised me hed never leave, never cheat never do anything to purposely hurt me. he did everything he said he never would.

 

“willy” I said trying not to fall apart.

 

“yeah”

 

“was it my fault?”

 

“is what your fault”

 

“is it my fault that were like this, did I do something wrong that made him go and cheat on me” I ask swallowing the lump in my throat. I look over at him, his eyes were filled with sympathy. “what did I do that was so wrong?” I cry wiping my eyes.

 

“you didn’t do anything wrong, trust me Faith” he blurts out sounding angry. Did he know something I didn’t? or was he pissed at Dakotah for hurting me the way he did?

 

I ignored the first idea and made myself believe he was just mad at him for hurting me, after all, did I really want to hear whatever he would say if he id know something. I was so emotional and iv’e cried more times then I have in my life alone in the last two days, my heart was shattered, I couldn’t bare anymore news. Not the bad kind.

 

My phone beeps destroying my train of thought. I look down and see a text from chris. Holding my breath as I push read message hoping to god it was good news.

 

 

You need to hurry.

 

 

That’s all it said my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and a lump formed in my throat making it hard for me to breath right.

 

 

Whats going on is Bentley ok, please chris tell me he’s ok.

 

 

 

I send it trying to get myself to catch my breath and breathe right. Not only did I screw up as a girlfriend I screwed up at being a mom. Why did I just leave him in Oregon, my brother having three kids of his ownwas a great father and I trusted him with both Bentley and I’s lives but I shouldn’t have left him. Now he’s in the hospital and I’m not there. I couldn’t be a worse mom to him.

 

 

I’m sorry faith, he’s getting worse the doctors are doing everything they can to help

 

 

 

“pull over” I yell as my stomach flipped. Willy pulls over as quick as he can trying not to hit anyone else in the process. I open the door and run to the grass barely even making it before my breakfast came back up. I hear tires screeching and a door slamming shut.

 

“faith what’s wrong, are you hurt” Dakotahs voice booms. He’s by my side within seconds rubbing my back.

 

“I don’t know what happened Kotah, she just screamed pull over”

 

“Faith talk to me love what is wrong, please tell me so I can do something” Dakotah asks in a panic tone not bother to respond to willy. Without thinking I grab dakotah’s hand. Wether I liked it or not he was still Bentleys dad and the guy ive loved my whole life, I needed him right now. I shake my head as my vision gets blurry from the tears.

 

“Bentley, he’s getting worse.” I cry trying to catch my breat, so far with no success. I feel Dakotahs grip loosen so I squeeze his hand harder and pull him to me so I could have him hold me cause right I really needed him. That’s when I felt his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was crying.

 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Faith” he cries wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly to his chest. Whatever happened earlier we needed to push aside for right now. Right now it was about bemtley. Like it always should have been and from this point on always will be.

 

“come on we need to get you guys there” willys voice interrupted. I nodded and let go of Dakotah. I try to push myself up but I can’t I felt paralyzed. Dakotah picks me up and starts walking.

 

“I can’t let you drive right now Kotah, and she needs  you,” he says, whisphering the last part. i look up at his face catching him looking at me. I nod telling him willy is right. Right now more then anything I needed him.

 

He nods his head and puts me in the back of Willy’s truck, then climbs in next to me putting my legs on his lap so I could lay down. I close my eyes only to reopen them when I feel my head being lifted up. He took his hoodie of so I’d be more comfortable. 

 

“thank you” I whispher. I closed my eyes and trying to muffle the sound of me crying by burying my face in his hoodie. That’s when I feel something hard rubbing against my temple. What was in his hoodie? It was to small to be his phone.

 

I tell myself it wasn’t my place to look, but after a few seconds I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was in there.

 

To small to be his phone  but that’s all he ever carried in his hoodie pockets for as long as I’ve known him. I quietly reach inside and feel a box, a soft velvet one. My heart stops and I pull it out to make sure.

 

In my hands was a ring box, I open it to shocked to care. Inside lay a gorgeous dimond ring.

 

“oh my god” I say dropping the box. I look at Dakotah as he turns to look at me. his eyes getting huge when he see’s what I was picking up.

 

“faith-“

 

“please don’t-“

 

“I was gonna ask you-“

 

“stop” I yell covering my ears. I might need his support right now, but it didn’t change the fact he cheated on me. how was I suppose to marry a guy I had no trust with.

 

It was simple, I couldn’t.

 

I put the little ring box back in his hand. “I can’t marry you Kotah, not after everything that’s happened, I’m sorry.”

 

“faith-“

 

“I-”

 

“faith Damnit shut up and listen,” Dakotah yells. I bite my lip before I could say anything else. He looks into my eyes and reaches for my hand. I hesitate and pull my hand back. “faith,” he says stubbornly. He grabs my hand again, but this time I didn’t pull back.

 

The burning sensation comes back and my heart starts to race. What the hell? What was with my emotions? One minute I’m not in love with him, the next I am? Was that even possible?

 

He sets the box in the palm of my hand, keeping his intense stare on me making my heart skip a beat. I look down at the little black box in my hand.

 

“we’ve been through a lot but we’ve made it through, I’m not going to leave you even if it’s what you want, I won’t let it happen, this is your ring but you don’t have to wear it until your ready its your decision when you do. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes to prove to you I’ll never make that mistake again-“

 

“there shouldn’t have even been a first time Dakotah” I interrupt shaking my head and trying to pull my hand away. He tigthtens his grip on my hand and after a few seconds I give up.  But it didn’t change that fact I didn’t want to think about marriage after the hell he’s put me through.

 

”just take the damn ring faith, you guys will end up together again eventually anyways” willy barks from the front seat. I I elbow his seat.  Gee thanks for the help I say to myself sarcastically. I look back at Dakotah.

 

“if I take this, it doesn’t mean were married, I don’t even know if can be with you anymore. I can’t trust you after what you did and I don’t know if I ever will be able to.”

 

“well I’m not going anywhere, this is something I will never give up again”

 

I roll my eyes.

 

“of course your not,” I say sarcastically as he lets go of my hand. I put the box in my jacket pocket. I know Dakotah better then anyone including himself. He would leave.

 

It’s just a matter of when he would.

 

“I’m serious, I’m not going to give up my life. Even if she wants to give up on me.

 

Chapter Eight

 

 

“Come on you need to eat anything you haven’t ate sense I picked you up” Willy says after the waiter leaves our table. I roll my eyes and look out the window, it was getting dark out.

 

“He’s right you need to eat your already skinny enough, this isn’t healthy, I know your worried about Bentley, I am too but we’ll be there tomorrow-“

 

“Kotah I know you’re worried but you didn’t carry him for nine months, you didn’t give birth to him, I’ve been there sense the beginning. You don’t know how I feel. Being worried is an understatement.”

 

“Faith come on stop it this is ridicules” Willy snaps glaring at me.

 

“Wow so now you’re taking his side?”

 

“I ain’t taking anyone’s sides, but I’m tired of bickering. You guys both need to grow up you brought a son into this world, do you honestly think this is a good way to act in front of your son.”

 

“Here you guys go” the waiter says before I have the chance to say something. She puts a cheeseburger and fries in front of me. Normally I’d be all over it. But right now I didn’t have an appetite. I go back to looking out the window even after our waiter leaves. I just wanted to be home with Bentley.

 

“Dakotah, oh my god hey!” someone shrieks grabbing my attention I look over to see a tall brunette with her hair curled and wearing jeans and a Oregon state hoodie, her eyes were gorgeous, she looked like a damn doll. Oh let me guess this is another girl Dakotah hooked up with.

 

“Hey Sam, you look amazing.” Dakotah says making my stomach flip.

Bingo.

 

“thanks so do you” she says as Dakotah stands up, he picks her up and hugs her making a unbelievable pain spread through my body, this was worse than the blond bimbo this morning. I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat.

 

“And this must be faith” the brunette says smiling at me.

 

Wait what?

 

“You’re even more gorgeous then your pictures, and I didn’t think it was possible” she says smiling at me.

 

“Uh… thanks” I mumbled to shock to say more than that.

 

“this guy doesn’t shut up about you, all he ever wants to talk about is how gorgeous and perfect you are and how he knows you’re the one” she adds nudging Dakotah before scotting in next to him.

 

“Monica-“

 

“Shhhh Dakotah let her talk” Willy interrupts laughing. I look at Dakotah. He’s blushing. I turn back to Monica. I had butterflies and I was blushing all while my mind was tangled in thoughts. I was so confused I had no clue what to do, or to believe anymore.

 

“So I haven’t talked to him in forever, has he asked you yet,” Monica says. I reach down and pull the ring box out and quickly slip it on my finger.

 

“Yeah, she said-“

 

“Yes” I say before he can finish his answer. Her eyes get huge as I hold out my ring finger. She grabs my hand and study’s the ring.

 

“Damn, that’s some rock Dakotah, did your mom pick it out for you” she jokes looking at him and laughing. I look over at him waiting for the answer.

 

“No I just knew she would like it, and I knew she deserved the best” he answers then looks at me confused. I look at Monica who was still holding my hand studying the ring.

 

I was just as confused as he was as to why I told her yeah. I wasn’t thinking. She smiles up at me.

 

“From everything you’ve told me I’d say so too” she winks. I look at Dakotah. Who was she? And how does she know so much. “I can’t believe you guys have been together so long I mean I knew you loved her more than life, but I never ever pictured you settling down.”

 

“Neither did I but I met the girl I wanted to spend my life with, things happen I fell in love."

 

“Yeah I’d say so, your one lucky girl. I’ve known him sense we were in our mothers stomachs, we grew up together. He’s never wanted to settle down, then you came along and he couldn’t stop talking about wanting to settle down with you, marry you and start a family.”

 

“Really,” I ask in shock. I look at Dakotah who was looking out the window, he looked hurt and regretful. A feeling of love consumed me. Was I being too hard on him?

 

“Yeah, trust me he loves you more than life itself, you’re one lucky girl”

 

“Yeah I am” I mumble looking down at the ring. My heart skipped a beat. What was I doing? Was I over reacting it was when we first got together and it only happened once and me leaving, that was my fault.

 

“I got to go, Mike’s waiting out in the car it was so great seeing you Dakotah,” she says giving him a hug then hugging me. “and it was great meeting you, take care of him.”

 

“ok I will” I mumble hugging  her back. was this a sign I should move on forgive and forget about it.

 

“she’s right I know you’re hurt but listen to your gut, everyone deserves a second chance fay.”

 

I watch as monica leaves. After she does I look at Dakotah.

 

“is it true?” I ask.

 

“is what true Faith,that I loved you. Yeah. Or that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Yes. Or that I love you more then life. Yes it’s true.”

 

“okay,”  was all I could reply back. I was to scared to tell him I’d give him a second chance what if he hurts me like this again. I look down at my hand the ring still on my finger.

 

“lets go you guys there’s a motel right down the street the earlier we get to sleep the earlier we leave and get to Bentley.” 

 

I nodded and waited for the waiter to bring me a container so I could take the food and eat it later, after a few minutes I got it and we were out the door. Dakotah was being be quiet and walking behind willy and i. every couple steps I’d look back, he’d just be staring at the ground.

 

When we got to the motel I let willy go inside and stayed outside to talk to Dakotah. I needed to know everything to make my decision.

 

I needed to know how he really felt and that if I did give him a chance like willy was telling me too that I’d never get hurt again. I needed to know if he was going to be faithful to me if I gave him another chance.

 

And I needed him to know if he ever screwed up again, there wasn’t going to be any third chances. I couldn’t take it if this ever happened again, going through this was the second worse pain I ever felt in my life, the first one was losing my mom.

 

“Dakotah” I ask looking at him. He looks up at me.

 

“faith” he answers like he always did. That was my signal to ask him whatever I was gonna ask him. 

 

“I want to make this work” I tell him. He gives me a surprise look.

 

“you do?”

 

“yeah I do, honestly I love you and we have a son to think about, but we need to talk first Kotah”

 

“about?”

 

“everything” I snort. “you cheated on me Dakotah, we have a lot to talk about, a ot to work out before we can try to even be together. “

 

“okay, that sounds fair. Anything I can do to get you back” he says pausing and grabbing my left hand. He starts playing with the ring. “anything to make you for real this time, I will.”

 

“okay but I still don’t know if this is fixable Dakotah, I’m doing this hopeing we can, but I’m not sure we can” I tell him pulling my hand away. I slide the ring off and hand it to him.

 

“no keep it, please I want you to have it weather it works out orr not.”

 

He sets the ring back in the palm and my hand and closes it for me. I nod and put it back on. For now it’ll be worn on my right hand. If there’s a chance we work it out and I’m ready to be with him then then I’ll wear it on my left, but right now it’s place was on my right hand.

 

Willy walks out with a room key. Great were all sharing a room. After all the times Willy has slept over at my house, I’ve learned he farts in his sleep.

 

A lot.

 

And it stinks.

 

Badly.

 

After the second time I made willy start sleeping on the couch, so my bed didn’t get stunk up. I definitely wasn’t sleeping in the same bed as him.

 

And I knew Willy and Dakotah both wouldn’t sleep in the same bed to save their lives, that left me with one choice. Dakotah.

 

But was that a smart choice, I didn’t want him thinking all was forgiven because I sleep in the same bed as him. But it was getting cold and dark, we’d figure it out in a little bit. Willy lead us to a room and opened it.

 

“we’ll its an upgrade from the last motal we stayed at” I said looking around the room. It might have coast tenty or thirty dollars more but at least it had a flat screen and two comfy looking beds.

 

“I’m sorry” Dakotah mumbles looking down at the ground, his shoulders slumped.

 

“it’s ok I was kidding around” I say elbowing his arm, trying ot cheer him up. Why was he being like this, it wasn’t like him to be like this.

 

For as long as I’ve known Dakotah, through pain and hurt he’s always had a happy façade up. He always put on a bubbly and happy  act even around me.

 

“I’m going to the drug store down the street to get some cigarettes, be back in a little” Willy says walking out of the room before we even had a chance to say anything. I turn to Dakotah and sit down on the bed that wasn’t close to the window.

 

“why’d you cheat” I ask bluntly.

 

“I was drunk Faith I don’t even remember that night, I’m sorry all I know is she bought me a drink, we danced and I went to call you but I blacked out and woke up in bed with her.

 

I raised my eyebrows in suspicion.

 

“that doesn’t seem sketchy at all to you?”

 

“at first it did, but I didn’t want to lose you” he said his voice cracking. Why was he always able to get into my heart, even when I tried my best to block him out.

 

I started to tear up as I watched him cry for the first time, in a very long time. I could tell this was hurting him that he was being genuine, but I was hurting to. How would I just say ok I love you and pretend like this never happened. We needed to work through this by talking, not just burying our problems until it came back to bite us.

 

“if you loved me why didn’t you actually come after me even after you thought I cheated, if you loved me like you said you did that wouldn’t have mattered”

 

“I thought it was what you wanted and that’s why you left, cause you didn’t want me to come after you” he says messing with his hands. 

 

“ I never stopped wanting you to come after me, I wished you would for a year and a half then I gave up hope, when Bentley was born, I cried everyday cause he reminded me of you until I finally broke and decided to come back.

 

“we both made our mistakes, and I’ll always regret mine. It’ll kill me if I lose you faith I can’t live without you, I need you” he says looking up at me for the first time sense this conversation started. His eyes were glassy. His expression was filled with regret. I was more sure then anything I’ve ever been sure about that he did love me.

 

But was he in love with me, would he ever do this again if I forgave him. 

 

I made my mistakes to though, I left him without telling him I was pregnant and moved to a different state and he never stopped waiting for me. when I did come back he forgave me.

 

Compared to what I did, what he did was a one time baby mistake. I could forgive him for that it was a long time ago and it only happened once.

 

Everything I did was twice as bad as what he did to me, and he forgave me. he really did love me. I look down at the ring and slide it off.

 

He starts to cry as I hand it to him.

 

“ask me again” I say cosing his hands just like he did earlier. He looks at me surprised. For a few seconds he’s frozen not registering what I was saying then it hit him.

 

He stands up and grabs my hand before getting down on one knee.

 

“faith will you marry me please”

 

 

 

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

 

 

 

I smiled as my moms words yet again came to mind. She was right everything that happened up until this point was what brought us here, maybe if everything happened in a different way, we wouldn’t have benlt, we would even be together, we wouldn’t be getting married because we wouldn’t truly know how much we loved each.

 

I truly believe everything that happened, was meant to happen. And because of that we were here.

 

By saying yes  I was starting a new chapter with Dakotah and Bentley I was starting knew. I didn’t notice I was crying until I felt a drop hit my hand.

 

“yes, yes of course I will” I cry. Dakotah, also crying. Slips the ring on my finger, he was so nervous he was shaking, did he honestly think I’d have him ask me again if I was going to say no? 

 

He stands up and hugs me lifting me off the ground. I wrap my legs around him and hold him tight.

 

“ Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day”.

 

 

I smile and close my eyes.

 

“thank you mom” I whispher quietly knowning she’d  hear it regardless of weather she was here or not.

Chapter Nine

 

“Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?, Mine was wonderful with you by my side,  And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face, It's a good morning, beautiful day” steve holy sings waking me up out of a dice sleep.

         

   It’s been two year sense I’ve slept that good. Dakotah and I stayed up watching all sappy romance movies until we passed out together, with him there it made it easier to sleep. It was impossible to sleep sense I left and now I knew why. Because he wasn’t there.

       

     “I couldn't see the light, I didn't know day from night. I had no reason to care. Well, since you've came along, I can face the dawn.  'Cause I know, you'll be there” I hear Dakotah sing along. I stretch and yawn then look at my finger the dimond ring belonged there. Dakotah was heating up some coffee with his back turned to me.

 

I get up as quietly as I can and sneak up behind him. When I’m behind him I wrap my arms around his waist and horribly sing along with him.

 

“Good morning, beautiful, how was your night?  Mine was wonderful with you by my side. And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face. It's a good morning, beautiful day” we sing in unison, he turns around and grabs  my hips dancing. I laugh and dance with him. My heart melting as he stares at me and sings.

 

“I never worry if it's raining outside. 'Cause in here with you, girl, the sun always shines. Good morning, beautiful, how was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side. And when I open my eyes to see your sweet face. It's a good morning, beautiful day. Hmm, good morning, beautiful day. Hmm, it's a beautiful day .Good morning beautiful, good morning beautiful. Good morning, what a beautiful day.Good morning beautiful, good morning beautiful.” He finishes. I smile and kiss his cheek. I love when he sings to me. he knows I love it to, he’s done it as long as I can remember, it melted my heart everytime.

 

“good morning beautiful” he says brushing the hair out of my face.

 

“morning” I say closeing my eyes his touching giving me goosebumps.

 

“She's a yellow pair of running shoes. A holey pair of jeans.She looks great in cheap sunglasses. She looks great in anything. She's I want a piece of chocolate. Take me to a movie. She's I can't find a thing to wear. Now and then she's moody” Dakotah sings and instantly I know it’s brad paisleys’ “she’s everythin”

 

“how long have you been up” I ask smiling up at him.

 

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” He answers with a smirk on his face. I roll my eyes and push away from him. Now this was the Dakotah I missed.

 

“can you guys shut up I’m trying to sleep here” I hear willy yell making me jump.  I laugh and look back at Dakotah.

 

“I forgot he was here” I laugh.

 

“me too” he whisphere wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him.

 

 

 

“Falling in love is like getting hit by a truck and yet not being mortally wounded. just sick to your stomach, high one minute, low the next. Starving hungry but unable to eat. hot, cold, forever horny, full of hope and enthusiasm, with momentary depressions that wipe you out.

It is also not being able to remove the smile from your face, loving life with a mad passionate intensity, and feeling ten years younger.

Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what's happening. It's inevitable. An event you can't control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course.”

 

 

 

I smile as my moms words once again hit me. I look at Dakotah and he smiles back at me. our relationship has definitely been a roller coaster, but the love I have for him made it worth all the hurt in the end.

 

He brushes the hair behind my ear and just stares there and smiles at me.

 

“do you think my mom knew we were meant to be together,” I ask remembering her last words.

 

She was laying in bed the sun shining through the window. George strait playing all my exes, grandma grandpa, Dakotah, willy, and I were all around her knowng it wouldn’t be long.

 

She looked up at dokatah then me before telling us something I’ll never forget.

 

 

 

Take care of my baby, and my baby’s babies.

 

 

 

Then she was gone.

 

I never really thought about it or analyzed it until right now, there was so much pain I just ignored what she said.

 

“When I first met you, you reached out to shake my hand. When I got to know you you reached out to understand my mind. When I liked you, you reached out and touched my heart When I loved you, you reached out and touched my soul When I thought I had nothing I had everything when I had you If were meant to be together let it be. If fate wants us to be forever ~ Lets wait and see.” He answers. I laugh, that definitely sounded like something my mom would say.

 

“she always told me to fall in love with a certain kind of guy, I was surprised as hell that the person she described my who life turned out to be exactly you. It’s weird but I think she knew you and I were meant to be together”

 

“your mom was smart, I don’t doubt it Faith”

 

“do you believe in soulmates Kotah?”

 

“I found you, didn’t i?”

 

“I wonder if that’s why my mom hired you as the farm hand, because she knew we were meant to be togthether in a strange way.”

 

“life’s strange Faith, but like your mom always said-“

 

“everything happens for a reason?” I interrupt.

 

“exactly” he says smiling back.

 

“Damnit guys, thanks a lot. have I ever told you you guys are the loudest freaking talkers I have ever met. I’m trying to sleep, but I guess I’m not going to be able to,” Willy starts ranting getting up and stomping off to the bathroom. The door slams .

 

“wow” I mouth to Dakotah. He laughs and shakes his head before leaning down to kiss me. the second his lips tuch mine I feel the fireworks.

 

I don’t know how, but she was right.

 

Dakotah was my soulmate.

Chapter Ten

 

 

We’ll be there within the next hour.

 

 

I text Chris, then set my phone down and lay my head on Dakotahs shoulders. When we pulled over to the motel I didn’t realize how close we were to Bentley. I thought It was still a good six hour drive, but we were just in the next town over.

 

My heart sinks as I think about Bentley laying in the hospital bed with neither his mom or dad there with him.  Dakotah senses something worng and puts his arm around my shoulders.

 

“you okay” he asks rubbing my arm with his hand. I shrug my shoulders. Honestly, I didn’t know the answer to that.  Yeah I have Dakotah back, but my son was laying in a hospital bed really sick, and I wasn’t there for him.

 

“I’m a horrible mom” I blurt.

 

“no you’re not, you want to know how I know that” Dakotah says making me look at him.

 

“how?”

 

“because you feel bad about it, if you didn’t love him you wouldn’t be beating yourself up over it, and what about when you first got pregnant you had so many choices abortion adoption and you choose to keep him even though you knew you’d lose everything else. If that’s not a good mom then I don’t know what is.”

 

“but when I left I was taking his dad away from him!” I shriek.

 

“are you pregnant, cause you’ve been awfully moody lately” Willy snaps from the front seat. I glare at him.

 

“no I haven’t done anything for  over a year and a half Willy so shut up.”

 

“willy stop being a dick”

 

“well she is, she’s a bitch one minute, then she’s depressed then she’s all happy and lovey dovey.”

 

“willy shut up dude I’m serious” Dakotah orders. His voice was cold. It could scare the shit out of anyone. Willy mumbles something but I can’t hear it, Dakotah ignores it and puts his hand on the back of my head. Then he pulls me forward and kisses the top of my head.

 

“you’re an amazing mom and girlfriend” he whisphers in my ear making a weight lift of my shoulders. I hold up my left hand and point to the ring.

 

“fiancé actually” I smirk.

 

He laughs and rolls his eyes.

 

“point remains the same Faith” he says. I smile and lean against him. These last couple days have made me love Dakotah more then I ever knew I could. I thought I loved him with everything I had already but these last couple days, he’s been my support, my rock and it’s made my heart love him even more then I did before. The intensity of the feeling I had were twice as great now. Maybe mom was right. Everything happens for a reason.

 

My phone rings, this time it’s not a text. Someone was calling me I look down and see chris’ picture. My heart sink.

 

“hello” I say my voice cracking.

 

“he’s gone fay” my brother cries from the other side of the phone. My whole body goes numb. “he’s in a coma, they don’t think he’s going to make it, they’re doing everything they can to bring him back, but his heart” my brither cries stopping to catch his breath. “I’m sorry Fay, I’m so sorry”

 

Dakotah grabs the phone from me.

 

“hey whats wrong… were almost there… okay” he says looking over at me I can barely make out his features through my blurry vision. “I’ll tell her” he says before hanging up. His voice cracks.

 

“what” I croak.

 

“he’s in a coma, there’s still a chance he can pull through faith” he says his voice cracking even more. I knew by the way he was talking, he didn’t think Bentley was going to pull through. I throw my hands up to my face and let myself fall apart. Dakotah pulls me to his chest and rubs my back.  the way his chest rose and fell unsteadly I could tell he was crying to.

 

I gripped onto him like my life depended on it and I decided to do something I haven’t done sense my mom died, something I gave up on.

 

I prayed.

 

I was still praying when we got to the hospital.

 

“faith come on, were here” Dakotah syas shaking me. I open my eyes my vision still blurry. He picks me up and pulls me out of the truck then sets me down. I grab his hand holding onto what felt like my last pillar of support left. He led me, the whole time I was to busy crying. The halls seemed endless as we tried to navigate through the hospital.

 

“Faith!” I hear my brother yell.

 

I look up and see him sticking his head out the window. When he see’s me his face turns to anger, that’s when I realize he was looking at my arm. His body tensed up.

 

“what happened faith” he asks walking towards me. “did this bastard hurt you” he continues this time glaring at Dakotah I squeeze dakotahs hand as I feel him tense up.

 

“no I did it myself” I snapped. “now where’s our son chris”

 

He gives daggers to Dakotah before turning around. I follow in his foot steps. I’m stopped just before we go inside I turn and looked at Dakotah, he looked terrified like death just washed over him. I put my hand on his cheek and try and give him a reassuring smile.

 

“I love you” he whisphers closing his eyes. I get butterflies just knowing I have the affect I do on him.

 

“I love you too Kotah, now come meet your son” I say turning around and walking into the room. I could tell byhis heavy footsteps he was scared, and boy did I know the feeling. I was scared for nine months that I carried him, and even more scared for nine months after he was born. My biggest fear was I wouldn’t be a good mother.

 

As we walk in the room we can hear the machines going my body stiffened as I walked, no mother wants to see their child in the hospital on life support. I squeezed kotahs hand and opened my eyes.

 

Bentley was laying there with a tube coming out of his mouth, his eyes shut and he wasn’t moving. My heart sunk as I felt my eyes burn. I let go of Dakotah hand and walk to Bentley’s side. I look at his little body, and then run my hands through his hair.

 

“I’m so sorry I let you down as a mom, please Bentley fight through it momma’s here, she knows you can” I mumble grabbing his tiny little hands.  When I feel a hand on the small of my back I turn to see kotah. With a pain stricken face. I move aside and let him go by Bentley.

 

He mumbles something but I tune myself out I didn’t want to hear him say whatever it was, I didn’t want to hear him say goodbye. I didn’t want to believe he was here.

 

A nurse walks in with her clipboard. She was petite with long blonde hair, she reminded me of a younger version of Cameron Diaz. She sees me and smiles.

 

“You must be Bentley’s mom” she says smiling. I nod.

 

“This is my fiancé and Bentley’s dad” I say motioning towards Dakotah. He looks back and I notice his eyes were red and classy. He walks over to where the nurse and I were talking and grabs my hand.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you guys, your son’s a fighter, none of the doctors here believed he’d make it through the first night, but he has”

 

“I’m sorry but what’s wrong with him” I interrupt.

 

“He has what’s known as respiratory syncytial virus. For babies less than 1 year old, RSV is the most common cause of pneumonia and bronchiolitis, an inflammation of the small air passages in the lungs. Wheezing is a telltale symptom of these conditions, which sometimes have to be treated in the hospital. Only about 25% to 40% of young children with their first RSV infection will have any noticeable wheezing, however. Even fewer, 2% or less, are hospitalized. “

 

As she explains my heart sinks, what did this mean? Does he have any chances of surviving this?

 

“however just looking at his EKG it does look like he’s improving, but he’s not out of the woods yet the chances of him making it are less than ten percent” she says giving me a sympathetic look.

 

I fall to my knees and start sobbing, I feel Kotah embrace me, but I couldn’t stop the sobbing. “It’s my fault” I cry.

 

“No it’s not”

 

“I could have done stuff to prevent going into labor”

 

“Faith look at me” kotah snaps turning my head. I look up into those glassy blue eyes and I saw Bentley, part of me felt like he was going to pull through because he was a fighter, like his dad.

 

“What”

 

“Everything happens for a reason there’s nothing you could have done to stall the pregnancy and there’s a chance he will make it through don’t lose hope in him yet, his fight isn’t over”

 

He leans down and kisses the top of my head I look up at the hospital bed, Dakotah was right I had to pray my baby was strong enough to pull through for me, I needed him. I couldn’t handle losing him too.

 

 

((((NOT FINISHED YET BUT LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR!!)))

Chapter Eleven

WILL UPDATE ASAP :) COMMENT YOUR OPINIONS

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.01.2014

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