Destroyed


As a child Sarah was always the outcast, by friends and Family. She was raised by her grandmother, even tho her father had custody of her and her younger sister stayed with their mother. Sarah spent a majority of her childhood in a home filled with alcohol, both grandmother and father were alcoholics. At the age of 10 Sarah’s dad finally found love and then got married. Sarah’s new stepmother, Amber, was only 18 and expecting a child. They decided to start the family in Ambers family home, where her mother, father, 2 sisters and a brother also lived. This was not ideal for Sarah, as it turned out it was a nightmare. The son was in and out of prison (who is now serving a life sentence for murder), one of the sisters was in and out of drugs and group homes and the other sister followed. The father was a wanna be rockstar who liked to climb in Sarah’s bed at night, drunk to touch her. The mother was the only normal one there, but she was never there. Amber had a habit of putting her hands on Sarah, and not in a good way, there was a time Amber threw a shoe at Sarah and gave her a fat lip that left a scar. Amber continued without Sarahs father ever saying a word about it. As you can imagine this hurt Sarah deeply. I think Sarahs real mother was informed but didn’t care enough to step in. The worse abuse Sarah got from Amber was when Sarah had chicken pox and decided a hot bath would bring them out so that they would go away faster, she drew the bath water to scalding hot and then put Sarah down into it and proceeded to scrub her with a hard cleaning scrub brush, she can still remember the blood curdling screams as she was fighting to get out, and her sister standing beside her, who had come to spend the night, just standing there in shock. The bad part about this is it wasn’t the bath or the brush that hurt her the most it was the fact that her father was sitting right at the end of the steps watching T.V. and turning the volume up. As time went on Amber had her first daughter Lily. Lily was close to Sarah and she adored her. Amber was not very good to her as well. Then the second child came another girl Susan and then another Sally.

When Sarah was 12 her father and stepmother spent a lot of time in the bar and left Sarah to babysit the kids, not just her sisters but her 3 cousins too. Sarah didn’t mind watching her cousins as long as she could stay at her aunts house who she was very close with. They were more like sisters than aunt and niece and there was nothing Sarah or her aunt wouldn’t do for each other. Sarah’s aunt tried to step in on a couple of occasions when Sarah told her what was going on but then Sarah decided that wasn’t a good idea anymore because it only had made matters worse. At age 28 Sarah’s aunt was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Sarah did everything for her then, her aunt had moved across the street from her which made it easy to be there every single day. As Sarah’s aunt grew worse she moved across town and Sarah wasn’t able to see her anymore, not that she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. sarah did not want to see her aunt like that, she was afraid.

During the time of her aunt moving Amber continued mentally and physically abusing Sarah, so the only thing she could think of doing was running away from home. Sarah didn’t think anyone would mind, see sarah was allowed to run the streets and hang out with whoever she wanted without so much as a what did you do today from anyone. She got drunk and smoked cigarettes and none cared. The day she actually got smoking, she was in her room doing her hair, her dad walked in and she dropped the cigarette on the floor. Her dad left the room, came back in and said to her “don’t forget to pick up the cigarette”. So you see who would care, they didn’t even care she was killing herself with cigarettes. When she left the house at 630 in the morning she was gonna head to NYC, she hitch hiked on the highway till she was picked up by an old man and dropped off about 17 miles from her home at a restaurant. As she sat there wondering how this was gonna pan out she realized this was not gonna work. She then called her Maternal grandmother to come get her . Both her and Sarah’s mother came and from there Sarah was to go live with her mother. Before we go any further, we will go back to Sarah’s early years again.


When Sarah’s parents split up Sarah went to live with her father at age 1 or 2 and Sarah’s younger sister went to live with the mother. Sarah has always wondered why she didn’t live with her mother too. Before Amber came around, Sarah was pushed back and forth between mother and father, just her not her sister. She was told by her mother that her dad just dropped her off on the doorstep which has always bothered her because she loved her dad dearly. I was always asked who do you want to live with, she always said her father. Sarah always wondered why at such an early age why was she able to pick who she wanted to live with, what was really in her best intrest? Sarah would tell you neither. You see Sarah’s stepfather Cody, was a physically abusive to Sarah’s mom. Sarah, her mom and younger sister spent the majority of time in safe house but when they left Sarah’s mother always went back for more. Her stepfather was never abusive to the 2 sisters in fact he was the exact opposite there was nothing he wouldn’t do for them. He really did care about the girls but the abuse to the mother alone only made Sarah still frightened of him no mater how much he showed that he cared. This went off and on as Sarah was bounced around between parents, she didn’t know where she belonged or why nobody cared what they were doing to her. At around age 8 she was stable living in her fathers home until around age 15 the night she ran away.


When Sarah went to go live with her mother she told her I either had to stay there or my father was gonna put me in a home, really she didn’t care if she was put in a home but wondered why her mother would say such a bad thing about her father. She didn’t believe her mother but wanted to give it a try living there anyways. Sarah’s grades improved to honor roll, she no longer ran the streets and she had a nice steady boyfriend. Things were not all peaches and cream though. Sarah’s stepfather Cody was still drinking and mentally abusing her mother. Sarah gave up on anything she believed normal. There was just no where to go or no where to turn. Sarah still hung out with bad kids and always lied to everyone. She thought if she lied about things people would like her more, Sarah always felt ugly and was told often so lying to make people like her felt like the right thing to do. As the lies grew and became more frequent it just became easy for her and found that lying makes people believe what you want them to believe in order to make them not hate you. To Sarah that made sense until she was caught in a lie and then lied to try and cover that lie. It was always a mess and Sarah was labeled a liar by anyone and everyone even when she was not lying she felt like she had to prove she wasn’t. Sarah finally gave up and just let them believe what they wanted, she was never gonna be able to tell the truth and someone believe her again. While Sarah was living with her mother her aunt died and that broke her heart more than anything in the world, she tried not to think about it and time went by.

After a year of living with her mom, Sarah decided to go live with her uncles ex girlfriend, she didn’t know if it was the right thing to do but See Sarah was used to doing whatever she wanted for years and then to live someplace where there were rules was not to her liking, but then again noone cared they let her go without a fight. Sarah is just a child and she wondered why so many people let her make her own decisions. Living with her uncles ex was fun to say the least she let Sarah drink and date her 21 yr old nephew. Later on Sarah’s father left his wife and moved in with his youngest sister, Sarah decided to go too. Then it got to cramped and I had to leave so my dad ,still on talking terms with Sarah’s stepmother came up with a plan for Sarah, she was to go live with her stepmother to take care of her 3 sisters while she worked, which was during the day and night. Sarah did without thinking twice because her 3 baby sisters were there. Sarah quit school at age 16 and only in the 10th grade to do this. Noone cared. Sarah loved taking care of her sisters and never had a complaint from her stepmother who later apologized to Sarah for the way she had treated her. Sarah lived there a year until Amber met her new boyfriend Bob, bob was mean. One day when sarah was coming through the door she heard her sisters screaming, bob had locked them in their bedroom and I immediately called child services. He denied it and while they were investigating it I went o go live with my father who had found an apartment for us. Sarah was hurting thinking about her sisters one day when her father got a phone call telling him amber and bob left town and noone could reach them and for him to come take their girls. After that all 3 girls came to live with Sarah and her father. It was perfect then, sarah grew up fast taking care of her sister’s like they were her own. Sarah’s dad worked days and could not take off due to costs of raising 4 kids at night he went out because he was on several sports leagues. Sarah didn’t mind her father still being in the bar every night. Sarah did everything for the girls even went to school meetings when her father couldn’t. Sarah also had a job at a department store and at a Chinese restaurant. Sarah found she loved to work. Sarah also had a boyfriend so it wasn’t long before she became pregnant ant 18 and wed at 19. Again noone cared. Her father met another woman whom he started seeing and eventually took her sisters to go live with them. Sarah stayed in the apartment with her new baby boy and her then husband.

A new life with a new start with her own family made her vow to never treat her son the way her parents had treated her, like noone care. She would make sure her son always knew she cared. Everything was soso for sarah until 2 yrs later when she was driving a car that killed a 2 yr old boy. Sarah didn’t know for a long time how she would be able to live with it and kept thinking if I didn’t have my son she would kill herself. Sarah held on though and put it somewhere in her head where she couldn’t see it anymore, it wasd to painful and it was hard for her to live knowing she caused a death, the death of a child, one whom was her sons age. Sarah just didn’t have no more self respect or confidence anymore and felt like everyone was looking at her or talking about her. Sarah decided drinking and becoming a stripper was the right life to live and she was having fun with it, noone judged her at work or in the bars. Sarah felt like she belonged there, no expected anything less. Nobody cared. Sarah went on and her marriage got worse, a cheating husband who wanted to threaten her all the time. Sarah was not afraid of him and didn’t care at this point about him and decided to leave him, during the time thought Sarah has went back and forth with him, but this time she was serious and she stayed away. Because of the life Sarah led or because the judge was the lawyer against me in the car accident her ex husband got custody of their son, it didn’t matter that he was abusive or a drunk or a guy messing around with a 13 yr old girl, he still got sarah’s son, Sarah fought for him over the years with no prevail, by then it was too late her son wanted to be with his dad and it was in the best intrest considering that’s where he has been.

Sarah soon found an apartment and met a guy she went to school with, Sarah got pregnant and never heard from him again. It was better like that he was a drug user. Sarah never touched drugs, only alchol and cigarettes and she was proud of that. Sarah had a baby girl, she was so pretty and everyone loved her. Sarah believed noone would ever take her away. Sarah got a job at a restaurant and loved it there. She was finally happy except for the occasional exhusband crap she had to deal with. Sarah ended up purchasing a computer where she ended up putting a profile up on an online dating line. That’s where she met Her 3rd child’s father. They had a lot of problems too but Sarah thought he had over come them. See he was a recovering crack addict with a lot of deep rooted issues. 4 years after they had been together he committed suicide in their home. For a long time Sarah hated him for that and thought how could he leave his child. Eventually Sarah thought him to be lucky not to deal with all lifes issues.

Sarah moved on, a little too quickly, she moved into another apartment and months after the death met another man who put her life through hell. Sarah didn’t care she thought this is probably all I deserve and all I’m worth. He beat Sarah almost everyday and was put in jail about 70 times before finally going to prison after breaking her jaw and choking her unconscious. After all the times she tried to get rid of him and all the help she asked for noone cared and Sarah’s mother got custody of the oldest of her girls. It didn’t matter that she tried to be rid of him, Sarah was a victim and she couldn’t understand why another one of her kids were being taken even as she put the man in prison.

When Sarah’s mother got custody it didn’t take her mother long to manipulate her into doing everything she said in order to see her daughter Sarah did it. Her mother mentally abused her in her own way and Sarah had to take it or risk not seeing her daughter. It was a mess. After going through several steps in order to get her daughter back, she got the notice that she could but by then her daughter was accustomed to her new life and getting everything she wanted and Sarah couldn’t see herself taking that all away. It would break her. She felt like her daughter would hate her and her mother would do whatever she could to keep her if that meant taking sarahs only other child living with her. She backed down and just put it back where the other tragedies were kept and moved on. Noone cared anyways.

After a couple years maybe 5 Sarah met another man and they got married and 3 years later had a baby boy. Her husband is nothing like any other she has ever met, he opens car doors for her and would do anything in the world for the kids. The only problem with this is that Sarah’s mother has nothing nice to say about him, maybe because he doesn’t care what she has to say where Sarah takes everything she says personally and is always on the verge of a panic attack after talking to her, Sarah is frightened of her mother after 37 years and does not trust her at all, her mother will say anything to get what she wants if that means taking your kids or destroying her own. Sarah has finally stood up to her mother and let her know that she cannot treat her like that and expect Sarah to jump or manipulate people into believing what she says about Sarah is true, but instead had Sarah’s daughter call Sarah and told her “I never want to talk to you again” Sarah has been destroyed. Now what?

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.12.2010

Alle Rechte vorbehalten