Running late, I tossed my current readings, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

book to the side and grabbed my packed bag for the pool party tonight.

I left for Ashley’s around 5. Arrived there around 5:30. I wondered who was there already. I wondered if he

would show.

The way to Ashley’s was boring, but my thoughts were brought to his face. I could picture him in my arms so easily. If only…

I walked back to Ashley’s pool; her mom informed me “The girls are inside.” Ashley’s garage is very confusing. She has a pool bathroom and then the door for the kitchen. I walked into the bathroom multiple times before. I walked to the door, “Oops, almost went into the bathroom again.” I spoke aloud to no one.

Ashley’s grandmother told me they were in the basement; I thanked her and went toward the carpeted stairs. Her basement was torturously cold. I shivered the way down.

I recognized Tracy, Ashley and Cassandra’s voices inside Ashley’s bedroom; the door was open and that surprised me. Ashley’s little sister, Abigail was…difficult. Ashley would put it as “naughty”, I laughed each time.

I knocked on the wall outside her room. Tracy’s voice spoke, “Who’s that?” Ashley laughed; “The doors open, I don’t…” she trailed off. I sipped my Mug Root Beer from my Marathon cup silently and waited for one of them to walk out and be surprised by me.

Cassandra rolled over in the room and eyed me. “Oh, it’s…you,” she said jokingly. I laughed and walked into the room.

I had my blue cardigan on over my swimsuit and Cassandra didn’t see so she asked, “You better be wearing a shirt under that.” I laughed again and said in a sarcastic tone, “No, I’m naked.”

I laughed again as Tracy pretended to be frightened and covered her eyes. I missed being with my friends.

We sat in Ashley’s room for an hour or so, talking. We went from subject to subject, but my head was only on him.

Boys were a subject as well, typical for my clan of friends.

They continued talking; I spaced out only coming to reality to drink my pop. When I drank Mug Root Beer, it reminded me of my childhood. Sometimes I wished I knew my real Dad and that we had some sort of relationship; but then I remember things.

I shook my head to bring myself back. They were talking about our periods. My friends are so gross, but I love them.

We laughed and laughed. And then we decided to go swim.

We changed into what we needed; I traded my jeans for tan shorts. I kept my cardigan on as we headed for the pool.

My swimsuit bottoms were ripped so I had boy-short underwear beneath my shorts, I looked awesome.

Sarcasm is my one and only

language.

The water was so clear in Ashley’s pool, I looked in awe. I missed my pool from my last house, I didn’t care if it was one of those above ground, 3 foot deep no diving allowed

pools, it was a pool. Ashley’s was awesome; it was underground, with a diving board!

We all stripped down to our suits. I removed my sweater vest, and sat it next to my towel on the chair. All my friends are so pretty. And I it hurts me when they call themselves ‘fat’; I hate it especially when Tracy does. She’s not

fat.

Tracy, Cassandra and Chandra are tiny compared to me. They might be busty, but that’s not

fat. Ashley is medium but definitely not fat. I was sad that Jessica and Erin couldn’t come, but this was fun.

Cassandra and Tracy are best friends and I don’t think that would ever change. They’re the…inspiration of the group, I suppose. Loud and obnoxious, oh yes.

Cassandra is blonde, blue eyed and beautiful. She’s crazy funny too. Tracy is the same, but she has dark brown hair; naturally. She likes to dye it a lot, but she’s pretty no matter what. Currently, this night she had red frontal dye in her hair. Tracy also had the prettiest eyes of the group, dark chocolate brown; I loved when she lined them with dark eyeliner.

Chandra, she’s the tiny girl of the clan. Little Chandra, half white and half black. There’s not much to speak of about her.

Ashley is blonde too, dark and naturally long blonde hair. She also has blue eyes like Cassandra too. Ashley’s pretty when she smiles.

And then there’s me. Ugly, ugly me.

Sure, I have the dark long locks, and pretty dark hazel brown eyes, but I see ugly staring back at me in the mirror.

In ways, I see myself as pretty. But lately, I’ve been feeling ugly, so ugly. I can’t help but look in the mirror, but I vomit just looking.

I’m ashamed to speak of my weight. I won’t mention that it’s probably why I have never had a boyfriend.

Tracy and Cassandra sat on the edge of the pool while Chandra and I got in. Ashley soon followed.

Slowly, but surely we all sank into the water. Jenna and her boyfriend Greg showed up, no reason intended. Sometimes it made me sick to watch them. A part of me kind of knew that Jenna was playing with yet another

boy; but it hurt that it was young Greg.

Tracy, Chandra, Ashley and I all swam around the pool nonchalantly while Cassandra sat out; she didn’t want to swim. Greg and Jenna sat together on another lounge chair. Ick.

She layed back into his legs. Vomit.

I rested my chin on my arms and kicked my legs around in the water. I wished I could hang out with him.

I wish we could be together. I wish that just once everything could be perfect.

I dream about being in his arms all of the time, but when I look in the mirror I see thing fat, ugly girl who should be alone forever. I don’t think I would nor could survive alone…forever.

I got out of the pool silently while everyone was talking. I dried off and sat there. Tracy always asked what was wrong, even when I was happy. “Nothing.” I said smiling.
Lie.

“Are you sure?” she asked. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if she was asking out of curiosity, concern or just to be polite. I nodded yes, still smiling and she replied with and “okay” and walked back to everyone else.

I always held my emotions to myself. Always locked everyone out. Sometimes I can picture myself telling my parents or Tracy what’s wrong or whatever, but then I get inside their head.

Over thinking things is my thing. When I think of telling someone that I like this person, I picture them in their head saying, “Oh, whatever. That’s gross. Shawna’s fat and ugly.” It’s not like my own sister wouldn’t think it nor say it…to my face.

That’s why I can never actually picture myself happy, in love and all the junk my friends gets. I envy my friends so, but they don’t know.

I turned around in the chair, back in reality. Cassandra, Tracy and Ashley were taking pictures on their cameras. I had tossed mine mixed in with theirs. They looked so happy; I wish I could be happy.

I wish I didn’t have to hide. I wish I didn’t have to fake a smile every fucking day, but I’m getting so good at it, I start believing that I’m happy.

Tracy spots my looking and signs to me in American Sign Language-most of my friends know ASL, so that’s our ‘secret talk’-“Are you okay?”

I signed back, “Yes” and turned back around. I didn’t want her to see, a tear ran down my cheek. Sometimes, when I thought she was asking out of being concerned, it made it happy and sad that she cared.

Quickly wiping the water from my face, I steadied myself. You’re alright, Shawna. Your friends are

right there.

They were laughing and giggling behind me. I need to go have fun and stop being so stupid. But it’s hard when my phone taunts me. He hasn’t texted me for a month.

I grabbed my phone angrily and found his contact name. I stared at briefly. I’d placed the ‘<3’ sign after his name, but I was unsure what he was to me. A friend? A close guy friend? I hadn’t even hung out with him and I liked him so.

I went to ‘new text’ and wrote, "Hey. How come you haven’t texted me?"

A waited in anger for his response. I squeezed my phone tightly so I would feel it pressing into my skin. My hand started to throb when he texted back.

I flipped my phone open and jumped at the sound of Tracy and Cassandra laughing. I turned to glared. They didn’t notice. The message said, "Sorry. I’ve been busy…"

Busy? Uggh!

I tapped the buttons even more angrily. "Busy? Doing what? I missed talking to you." I pressed send and felt my heart fly away along with it.

Approximately 2 minutes later my phone vibrated in my hand. "Working." Understandable.

"And thinking," the message continued. Thinking about what?

I sent my thoughts in the message.

Tracy came to my table where I sat alone, to grab her phone quickly and check to see if her latest beau, Truman texted back. I saw her glance at me, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I hope she didn’t think she was the problem or I was mad at her.

She grabbed her phone, opened it, tapped the buttons a couple times, sat it back where it was, and then walked away. I sighed.

My phone vibrated and my heart fluttered. His texts always did this to me. I opened the message. It read: "You. I’m always thinking of you. Constantly." I gasped. My heart stuck in my throat.

I hadn’t realized Tracy had returned for her phone. “What?” she asked at my gasp. I stared at her for a moment then decided to show her the text. It was a brave move on my part.

“Awww!” she squealed. “Who’s it from?” she asked. I’m not sure why, but I felt as if I spoke his name then, things would go horribly wrong; like they always do. I stared and Tracy again, more intently.

“OH!” she exclaimed and then whispered, “Aaron.” I nodded; I wished she didn’t say his name either.

I blushed, but I was thankful it was barely noticeable. I hadn’t sent a message back to him yet. Tracy was still standing next to me. “That’s so cute, Shawana.” I laughed at my nickname only she calls me.

"I think of you constantly too. It hurt to not talk for weeks." I hit the send button. I smiled at his reply again. "I’m sorry that I hurt you. I promise not to do it again." I grunted aloud. Oops.

No one came over, they’re too loud.

Why did this have to be so dang hard? He said all these things that touched me; how could I not

like him even more? It’s like he knows what touches me the most.

I typed quickly. "I really want to hang out." I smiled at the thought of being in the same room as him. It made my tummy tingle. Shy as I am, butterflies hit me even before talking to a boy I liked.

Last October I went to the University Park Mall with my friend Kate and met up with a boy I liked then. His name was Donovan. He was so cute and I liked him so much. But it was the whole distance thing again.

My cheeks were on fire the whole time we were together in the mall. Kate had left us for a moment, potty break, and we were silent. I wasn’t trying to ignore him; I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so inexperienced.

Every time he started a topic, apparently I would end it. When I left, we hugged for a moment, it felt good, but I still regret not looking back as I left. I haven’t spoken to him since then.

The vibration of my phone brought me back to the laughing girls behind me. I heard one deep laugh, Ha-ha Greg.

"How about tonight?" he asked. I always turned everything down. I replied with an "I wish." Almost too quickly he replied. "Why not?" I wavered. "I’m at my friend’s house; pool party."

"Mmmm." I imagine smacking him, he’s such a pervert, but I laughed. The message continued, "So. Where? I’ll come over…If that’s okay?"

Wavering again. My stomach was turning; in a good way. Without wanting to speak, I texted Tracy. "Hey asking Ashley if Aaron can come over, pwease!"

I heard her laugh behind me and whisper to Ashley. Tracy texted back, "She said she doesn’t know because of her parents." Dang it.

"Well, we’ll be at the front of the driveway anyways. :)" Tracy’s fingers tapped her phone again, "She said okay and wants to know how old he is. What should I tell her?"

I was wavering a lot tonight. First on my outfit and now everything else. "Tell her…he’s 21, because he is. Lol"

Footsteps approached behind me. “Shawna.” Ashley spoke. She leaned next to me, hanging over the chair. “It’s okay, but if my mom asks, he’s 18. Kay?” I nodded and signed “Thank you.”

I texted Aaron the address to Ashley’s house, he told me he knew where it was when I told him how to get here. My stomach was on 7th heaven as he said, "Okay, on my way. I’ll see you soon, beautiful."

Of course, we sent pictures back and forth a couple times over the past few months of texting each other. And we only spoke twice over the phone. His voice was like stirring sweet, sweet sugar into coffee or tea. I will not mention what it did to me.

My smile was huge; I could feel it wearing into my skin. I wasn’t aware of anyone around me anymore. Her voice scared me out of my reverie. “Shawana why are you smiling so big?”

My head snapped to Tracy’s face, my grin never leaving. “He’s coming.”

It felt like longer, but in 15 minutes Aaron texted me, "I’m here…I think lol." My heart dropped to my stomach and fluttered.

“Tracy,” I called, she turned her head to me. “He’s here. Come with me?” I gave her the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. But I already knew she would. She’d promised me that whenever Aaron and I hung out that if I needed her, she would come with me.
She nodded and slowly I got out of the chair.

While I was waiting, I dried off more and had changed back into my jeans and my favorite pink v-neck shirt.
I took silent deep breaths as we walked out of the pool area and down the driveway. I saw a car, which was not mine parked on the street. Thump thump.

A body stood, back to us, on the driver’s side of the car. His arms were crossed; I noticed he checked his phone about 5 times since we approached. Maybe he was nervous too.

I grabbed Tracy’s arm silently and whispered, “Tracy, I don’t if I can do this. I’m scared and nervous.”

She rubbed my forearm soothingly, “Yes you can. I’m here if you need me.” I kept nodding, trying to understand that she was right. Tracy was always right, always

.

She waited back a few feet as I continued walking toward the pale blue car. I put on my best poker face and acted as if I knew what the fuck I was doing. Like hell I did.

I leaned on the opposite side of the car from his, resting my arms on the hood. I lightly tapped the hood with my middle finger nail. He quickly turned around, thump, thump thump, thump.

My heart went wild.

We caught eyes; I gasped and stared in awe. His eyes were beautiful, but they didn’t hold mine long. His smile was the most lit up thing on his face right now. I was thankful that I was still leaning against the car; otherwise my knees would’ve given out. I’d finally felt the need to think, I’m weak in the knees because of this boy.

Aaron walked around the car, I was instantly self conscious. Forcing myself to do so, I pushed away from the car, but I leaned my back to it now.

He stood in front of me, we were still both silent. What was I supposed to say? Shyly, I finally spoke. “Hi.” I looked up at him through my dark eyelashes.

“Hey.” His voice made tingles down my spine. Wanting to get this awkwardness over with, my thoughts came aloud. “Can we skip the awkward stage?” I laughed nervously.

He laughed with me, this might be going my way

, and nodded. Silence still surrounded us. I could faintly hear my friends in the back by the pool still laughing. My eyes left Aaron’s face for a split second and I realized Tracy had left. Damn her!

Aaron’s eyes followed mine. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I shook my head, “Nothing, it’s just…my friend left…” I trailed off.

His eyes lit up on fire, “Well that’s good.” So a split second, once more, I was kind of scared, but behind the fire was passion. I just stared at him and a seductive side came over me, “Why is that?”

“Because then I couldn’t do this…” his eyes blazed mine and his face became closer. I could smell him, Mmmm AXE

, and his breath was minty. It was like he knew this was going to happen, I smiled.

When his lips touched mine, my knees wobbled and I almost fell over. His arms found my waist to steady me and mine were wrapped around the back of his neck; pulling him closer.

He was everywhere. The heat was everywhere. This was just like Eclipse

, the scene where Jacob kisses Bella; exactly like this. But unlike Bella, I didn’t think this was wrong, it felt so right.

We pulled away slowly. And then he gave me three small pecks on the tip of my lips. My eyes were still closed when he spoke. “I’ve wanted to do that. I hope it was okay…”

My eyes snapped open. “Of course it was okay,” I wasn’t sure how I found my voice. “It was better than okay. I’ve been wanting to too.”

He smiled and grabbed my hand. We walked up the driveway, hand in hand.

Ashley had set up the bonfire pit in the middle of the flat driveway. She had lit it too.

Tracy invited Truman; Ashley had her boyfriend over too. Cassandra had hurried to invite Chris, without a doubt, he showed within minutes; they’re meant for each other.

It was barely 7:30 when Erin and Tyler showed up. They’d come from his brother’s wedding. Erin was still dressed in her wedding reception dress; it was pretty with purple and white, but the green sweater did not go together. I giggled, but stifled it.

As Aaron and I walked up the driveway, Tracy giggled; I glared but hid my face. They’d set out a couple two-seated lounge couches, Aaron and I raced to the first one and had a laughing bit.

Erin and Tyler took the next couch, Truman finally arrived; him and Tracy took the last one. I was thankful Jenna and Greg had left already; along with Chandra. With Ashley’s boyfriend, Mark got there; everyone was settled and giggling with the “boys”.

I was proud to call Aaron a part of the group, finally.

The fire was warm, but Aaron was warmer. We sat next to each other while Erin, Tracy and Ashley cuddled with Tyler, Truman and Mark.

Eventually, I relaxed as Aaron placed his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. I could feel Tracy’s eyes on me but I resisted looking; my eyes didn’t leave the fire.

It was a cool night, blankets and boys were used to keep us girls warm. The making of S’mores took place, as usual. Aaron leaned close to my ear to whisper, “I miss S’mores.” I giggled and looked at him, he was completely serious and that made me laugh more.

Tracy and Truman were in their own little bubble, but my laughing brought her out and she began laughing with me. We always laughed for no reason, panting to breathe and tears rolling.

I was shaking with laughter when Aaron snuck a kiss on my cheek. His lips caught a stray tear running down my skin. I smiled.

I heard Tracy, Ashley, Cassandra and Erin, in unison say, “Awe!” My cheeks were immediately flushed; I blushed and hid my face in Aaron’s shoulder. Bad move, they repeated, “Awe!” again.

The night went on. Curling up in his arms, it was warm. He wrapped one over my shoulder and pulled me closer; as if we couldn’t get any closer.
I was thankful my mom let me use the car for the night; I was to be home before 11. I could lie in Aaron’s arms forever.

Soon the fire died out, we tried and retried to light it, but it didn’t cooperate. Stupid fire.

But Aaron kept me warm, always squeezing me closer and resting his chin on my head.

For once, I was actually happy, but I knew that would soon end when we would part.

We were all chilled out, relaxing and laughing when the rain hit Tracy on the forehead and she complained. We tossed it over our shoulders and brushed it off as nothing. But we were wrong, and Tracy didn’t let us forget it.

“See! I told you!” she screamed as we tried to grab the chairs and drag them into the garage. I laughed the whole time, Tracy was crazy…funny.

The boys took over and us girls stood back and watched them use their muscle. I laughed when Chris accidently dropped the other end of a couch him and Aaron were carrying on his toe. He screamed like a girl and we all laughed, even Aaron did. He fit in perfectly with us, I was happy.

Ashley ran inside to grab towels for everyone to dry off with. I wasn’t too wet, I had a blanket over me and Aaron; I couldn’t say much for the blanket though.

It was freezing out now, we begged Ashley to go inside and sit in the basement. She finally agreed and checked to see if anyone was awake, it was near 9 and her grandparents were out like a light. She snuck us in and we went to the basement.

I grabbed Aaron’s hand and pulled him along. Giggling the whole way down, we finally made it to Ashley’s basement. It didn’t help the heat situation; her basement was as cold as outside.

“Ashley! It’s fucking freezing.” I yelled in a hush whisper. Everyone murmured in agreement. I held my arms close, but Aaron wrapped around me and hugged me from behind. His chin rested on my shoulder.

This is the best night beyond belief.

Ashley finally took in agreement that it was in fact “fucking freezing”, so she got more

blankets for us. Tracy and Truman beat Aaron and I to the couch this time, I cursed at her.

Aaron and I sat against the wall, huddled together to keep warm. I was sitting in front of him, laying back. I suddenly realized that I mirrored Jenna and Greg from earlier. Ew

, I thought. But Aaron was way more comfortable.

His arms stayed wrapped around me as we settled in for a movie, Ashley picked out of random, it happened to be Dark Knight

. I turned to Aaron, “I love this movie.” He laughed, “Me too.” Ashley turned the lights off when she started the movie and went up the stairs.

Aaron’s chin rested once more on my shoulder, after the opening credits started rolling, his tilted his head to the side and gently kissed my neck. I shivered but turned my head and kissed him.

Ashley came bopping down the stairs with 3 bowls of popcorn then. She spotted our gentle kisses and chucked popcorn at us, “Stop it!” and laughed. Aaron and I laughed with her but stopped kissing and just sat there.

The tastes of Aaron’s lips were still on mine, I couldn’t even watch the movie because all my thoughts came back to the specific taste.

I closed my eyes and thought back a couple hours. I was so afraid to meet Aaron, everything just seemed silly now. I laughed and everyone looked at me like I was nuts. Apparently something bad had been happening in the movie.

Aaron chuckled quietly in my ear, “What?” he asked in a whisper. I shook my head. He let it go.

The movie dragged on and I hadn’t realized, for once in my life I’d fallen asleep during the movie. But this was the best part of it, in Aaron’s arms. When the lights were turned back on for a break, I woke up.

I turned in Aaron’s arms to laugh that I’d fallen asleep while everyone refilled popcorn bowls, pops and went pee-Tracy-I noticed Aaron was asleep himself.

I tried to stifle my giggle but it turned into a full on laugh. I covered my mouth but it didn’t help. Before I knew it, I was shaking with laughter again and Aaron woke up.

“What? Huh?” I laughed again. He smiled at me, the most perfect smile. “You’re adorable when you sleep,” I said still giggling.

He looked at me funny and then said, “So are you.” I gave him a sly look, “Touché.”

Tracy came out of the bathroom 5 minutes later, I laughed because you could see the relief on her face. She snuggled back into Truman’s arms on the couch.

“Tracy,” I called her in a whisper, she looked at me. “I think Cass and Chris fell asleep completely.”

Her eyes traced the room over and over again as if they weren’t there. She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and signed, "Where?" I pointed on the other side of the coffee table.

Tracy laughed and fell back into Truman’s arms who grunted. “Sorry,” I heard Tracy say and laugh. I heard something wet and smooch. “Stop it!” I hissed toward the couch. Tracy giggled again and I heard Truman’s deep laugh.

But I turned around to find it wasn’t Truman’s it was Aaron’s laugh. I’m not sure how I missed it with his arms still holding me in place.

I looked around for Ashley, she was nowhere I be found. I signed to Tracy, after I got her attention away from Truman’s mouth, and asked where she was.

Tracy didn’t know either, Cassandra and Chris were snoring away in each other’s arms. I giggled.

Tracy and I got up from our warmth and walked to Ashley’s room. I grabbed the handle before Tracy could and stuck my tongue out at her, she laughed. I slowly opened the door.

What happened inside her room, I cannot speak of, but I can say that Tracy and myself closed that door faster than a speed racer. Then we sprinted back to our spots giggling uncontrollably and loud enough to almost wake up Cassandra, and that took a lot.

After our giggling stopped, we tried to finish the movie but ended up talking. Cassandra and Chris woke up eventually and were talking, that’s why. I looked at Tracy once and signed to her ‘Ashley and Mark are still in her room’ and she laughed but said ‘I know’.

A few minutes later I got a text from my mom ‘It’s starting to storm. Do you have clothes so that you can just stay at Ashley’s?’ I was actually excited now to stay. ‘Yeah. Good night.'

I turned in Aaron’s arms and whispered, “Guess what?” “What?” he asked, smiling. “I’m staying because of a storm.” He smiled even bigger and gave me kiss.

He was going to pull away, but I refused to let him. Eventually we fell over and I was on my back.

Midway through our kissing session, I refused to call it a make-out session because then I felt like I was at one of those parties, I heard giggling and of course it was from the couch area.

I looked up from the ground and toward Tracy and glared. But Aaron refused to let me glare for too long. He brought my face back to him, Mmmm control

.

His kisses were like soft bunches of clouds and cotton.I could see myself lost in him for years, but could he?

I was afraid this would happen. I’d be so wrapped up, but he’s just in it for something else. I gently pushed Aaron away and sat up.

“What?” he asked. I shrugged, not looking at him. He tugged on my shoulder, trying to turn me around, I brushed him off.

We sat in silence while Ashley remained locked in her room, Cassandra and Chris canoodled and Tracy giggled with Truman.

My friends are so perfect.

I shook my head trying to shake the thought. My eyes filled with tears, threatening them to spill over and expose me.

I tightly closed my eyes until I felt a hand on my lower back. “Shawna?” he whispered in my ear too low for the others. “What’s wrong? Did I do something, because if I did then I truly am sorry. Really.”

I shook my head but he took it the wrong way. “I am sorry-” I turned to face him, breaking his sentence off. “No, it’s not you.” My head hung in shame.

The tears spilled over the rims and fell silently to my tangles hands lying in my lap. I started to wipe them away but Aaron’s rough but soft and gentle hands found my cheeks before mine did.

His scent drove me wild and over the edge, but I was in no state to even consider anything in that region right now.

Aaron’s gentle touch burned into my skin. The flames in my veins were scorching now and it was unbearable when he released my cheeks.

My eyes slowly raised and met his. They were sad and I wondered why. What could possibly make him

sad?

My brow furrowed deeply in confusion.

Shortly after looking into his now sad eyes, I dropped mine to the floor. I couldn’t bear to see him sad too. His hand found my chin instantly and fire was back.

What is it about this man that can make my heart race but also break?

Aaron looked me in the eyes and sighed. His were still melancholy and it killed me to my soul. “Then what is it?” he finally spoke, breaking our sweet silence.

I shook my head but it was useless in his hold. I gently turned my head around the room, still in his grip, to see everyone ignoring our little conversation.

Taking my chance, I stood up drastically and almost tumbled over. Aaron caught me as he stood too, following my motions.

I fell right onto his chest, gripping his shirt to brace my fall. His hands wrapped around my waist and we were inches away from each other’s face. I inhaled sharply as I fell in his arms and tasted his sweet musk honey scent.

I closed my eyes trying to shake off the scent of him, but he took it as an opportunity to kiss me, I didn’t oblige.

The kiss started slow and gentle but escalated fast. It didn’t take long before I opened my mouth and granted him entrance. Shawna, what are you doing?

I had no idea how to answer myself. I was lost in my sweet satanic haven.

Reluctantly and regretting each moment, I pulled myself away from Aaron. Eyes still closed, I took some breaths to steady myself. I gripped his shirt gently, then found myself releasing it.

When I opened my eyes they were locked on my hands. I had crumpled his shirt, damn

. Slowly the met Aaron’s awaiting eyes. He looked at me with concern but desire.

Did I really just say desire? No, he couldn’t possibly…

“Follow me.” I mouthed eventually and walked up the stairs to Ashley’s kitchen/dining room. He followed silently.

I reached the kitchen first and went to Ashley’s fridge for a water bottle. I barely heard Aaron’s feet touch the granite. “You want one?” I asked in a whisper. “Sure.” He replied just as low.

I grabbed two Fiji water bottles from the back of Ashley’s fridge and closed the door with my foot. Damn, where I put my socks?

From a distance I could hear Tracy giggling and Truman saying “Stop, stop!” quietly under their breaths.

Aaron sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter and I sat next to him. I slid a bottle to him and opened my own. He watched me with careful eyes. I only knew this because I could feel them boring into me. I kept mine on the counter.

We sat in silence for a while until Aaron spoke gently. “So, will you tell me what’s wrong, please?” he begged.

I risked a glance to his eyes and they were filled with concern and care. His deep brown eyes held me captive and I opened up.

“I just…I...” words confounded me. How could I tell him that he was too good for me? He played with his bottle cap and then took a swig. He eyed me to continue, edging me on.

“I don’t deserve you.” I said matter of fact. I heard Aaron choke on his water for a moment and my eyes shot to his. I was lost instantly.

“What do you mean?” he said roughly, still trying to clear his throat.

“I mean, you’re too good for me and I don’t deserve this happiness that you’ve brought me.” My head hung. Tears started to fill my eyes but I held them back.

He inhaled slowly then exhaled in a huff. “Are you kidding me?” I looked up at him to see what he was questioning. He looked me straight in the eye and spoke intently, “Shawna. You are the one who is too good for me. If it is anyone that doesn’t deserve someone it’s me.”

I felt a lump in my throat form and the tears spilled over. I tried to blink them away fast but they blurred my vision of the beautiful angel who was speaking to me.

The back of my hand rubbed the liquid away and found his face again.

He looked at me as I regained composer. We stared silently for what seemed to be forever. Tracy ruined the moment of our silence by jogging up the stairs laughing.

“Oh, sorry.” She said when she spotted us, close contacted. She smiled at me, but Aaron and I refused to lose eye contact. Then she departed back down to Truman with waters.

Even when Tracy had left, we still stared. I wasn’t sure what he was looking at but I was staring in awe.
Out of nowhere “Love Story” by Taylor Swift began playing in my head and I smiled. Aaron’s brow furrowed and I laughed.

“What are you thinking?” he asked after of moment lapse of my giggles. I shook my head but answered, “That this is crazy.”

He smiled but asked, “What do you mean?” I contemplated my meaning, hell I didn’t even know. He made me do things that I didn’t even know I knew how to do.

He’s changed me so much that I don’t even know if I could ever go back to that old Shawna. The new Shawna is much better.

“Us.” I said finally. Before he could ask again what I meant, I continued. “How and why we’re here, together. It’s all crazy and for some damn reason I like it.” I smiled.

Aaron laughed and nodded. “Yes, I can see why. I do too.” My heart was racing, I wondered when it would slow down, I needed to breathe for damns sake!

My head fell as I drank my water. “Shawna,” I looked up toward his voice. His face was inches from mine, not like our bodies weren’t already. There was something that just brought us together and we couldn’t back away.

It’s like a magnet.

“You’ve changed me, for the better I believe. And I’m so happy that I’ve finally met you and gotten to spend time with you. For only being with you 4 hours, I think I might love you.” I gasped and my mouth dropped to my knees.

My eyes dazed out as I replayed his monologue in my head. Did he just say he loved me?

My heart choked me and I couldn’t speak. Thump thump.

A tear fell silently from my eyes and I didn’t even realize it until I tasted the salty liquid on my lips. Suddenly Aaron’s mouth was on mine and I was kissing him with the most passion I’d ever felt.

This has to be a dream. I’m dreaming right? Because this cannot be real! Oh, please dream, let me keep dreaming.

Our lips moved in synchronized movements, as if they were supposed to be together. It was like magic, we fit together perfectly.

He was the other piece to my puzzle; the one that was always ragged and still forced to fit in, no what was me. He was the puzzle piece you picked to start from.

When we finally stopped kissing, I melted into his arms. “This,” he spoke gently, wrapping his arms around me. “Is where I belong.” I sighed in contentment and closed my eyes.

I wasn’t sure what happened after that. The morning sun woke me up from blinding me. I rubbed my tired eyes and glanced around. Shit! We’re still in the kitchen?

I found my phone in my pocket, the front of it said I had 4 new messages. I opened them, each from Tracy.

The first one read: 3:20 a.m.

Shawna, what’s going on? Tell me!

I clicked over to the next unread message: 4:46 a.m.

Shawna Leigh! If you do not tell me I’m coming up there!

I laughed.

The third one surprised me: 5:15 a.m.

OMG! I saw you and Aaron kissing, AWE! Still, what happened?!

I laughed even harder but tried to be quiet.

Then I clicked to the last one: 6:13 a.m.

Shawna make sure Aaron is gone before 7, that’s when Ashley’s grandparents get up.

I closed the messaged and looked at the time on my phone, it was 6:45 in the morning. Shit!

I cursed mentally. I glanced around the room quickly. We weren’t in the kitchen; we were in the white living room.

Aaron rustle next to me on the couch, I sighed. He was so cute when he slept. I stared in awe for a moment then realized it was almost 7 again.
I begrudgingly woke Aaron by pecking him on the lips. His eyes snapped open almost immediately, I could tell that he wanted more when his eyes stayed closed; but I resisted.

“Aaron, wake up,” I said when he closed his eyes again. I shook his arm gently. “Please, get up. Ashley’s grandparents are about to come down here.” I pleaded while I shook.

His eyes snapped again and he was up. I smiled and stood. “We’ve got to go.” I said.

We hurriedly went down stairs to grab his things and rushed back upstairs. I checked my phone as we stepped to the kitchen, 6:58 and then the coffee pot when off, scaring me. I jumped back into Aaron.

I composed myself and we went to the garage door to claim our shoes. I slipped on my flip flops while Aaron battled with his converse. I laughed and tried to open the door.

Shit! The combination!

I tried to recall Ashley punching the numbers in silently in my head. And then they popped up and I punched them in faster than hell. The door clicked and lit up green and opened it.

I pushed Aaron through first and closed it behind me.

We dashed for his car immediately, but stopped half way down the drive. I was laughing the whole way and I couldn’t breathe. I think Aaron was hyperventilating.

“Are you okay?” I asked between breaths and giggles. He nodded. “Alright, let’s go.” We walked the rest to his car.

He set his stuff on the passenger seat and turned to me. I immediately hugged him tight. He held me back just as tight.

Just like last night, I don’t think we could’ve gotten any closer, but we damn in hell tried.

I inhaled his scent one more time before I looked up to him. He smelt wonderful and I would not forget it.
I looked up at him through my eyelashes and batted them sweetly and then laughed at how cheesy I was.

He laughed with me and pecked me on the nose. “I agree,” I said, breaking the silence casually.

“Agree with what?” he asked smiling.

“With what you said last night, ‘this is where I belong.’” I quoted him and smiled.

He held me tighter and kissed me passionately on my lips. I couldn’t help but think that this was it.

I had to leave him now. Would I even see him again after this? I prayed to see him.

After our sweet goodbye, I stepped away and watched him leave in his tiny blue car. I giggled, wavered and blew a kiss as he drove away.

I walked back into the kitchen, smiling, and ignored Ashley’s grandma sitting there. I wasn’t even sure if she heard me.

I went down to the basement silently. My cheeks flushed when I saw Tracy bouncing up and down on the couch with glee.

“Shawana, Shawana!” she chanted. I laughed, “What?”

She gave me the devilish smile she always has, “You know what.” It was funny to think of this, but she reminded me of Alice. She was my Alice and I was her Bella. I smiled at it and she yelled at me to tell her what happened with Aaron.

“Nothing really. We talked, the end.” I shrugged and sat where Aaron and I had before. Tracy got up and tried to pull me toward the couch, but she gave up quickly and sat beside me.

“Please tell me Shawna. I need to know.” She gave me the same puppy dog eyes I gave her yesterday. Yesterday, that could not have been just yesterday.

“Okay, okay.” I held up my hands in defeat.

Before I spilled to-Alice, oops I mean

-Tracy, I glanced around the room. Cassandra was still asleep. I silently noted that they had gotten rid of the boys, but I wondered if Mark was still in Ashley’s room…

“He…he told me…” I left her hanging, but not for long. Tracy’s eyes lit up when I said, “He told me he loves me.”

Tracy almost lost it and screamed but I quickly covered her mouth to muffle it. “Oh, my god!” she whispered. “Did you say it back, Shawna?”

I shook my head, “No. I mean-I-” I tried to explain, she waited patiently. “I didn’t say it, no, but he didn’t actually say it. He said, ‘I think I love you’” I said, adding air quotes.

“Awe!” Tracy cooed and I blushed. She laughed at my red face and after a moment she continued. “Do you think you love him too?”

I bit my lip slightly, thinking. “You know,” I paused for dramatic effect. “I think I do.” My eyes were on my hands as I spoke, they met Tracy’s now and she looked in awe.

“I’m happy for you, Shawana!” she cooed again, using my nickname.

After Tracy and I talked more about Aaron and what went on throughout the night, it was almost noon and my mom texted me to come home with the car.

I grabbed my stuff and went upstairs. Tracy followed, everyone else stayed asleep. I was happy that Tracy came; she was my true best friend now.

She walked me to my car and hugged me before I got in. “Shawna, I’m here for you. I promise.” I laughed as she attempted the girl scouts honor.

“I know, thanks, for a lot, Tracy. I mean it.” I almost felt the tears welling up, but I pushed them back.

She hugged me again and I got in my car.

As I drove off I thought to myself silently, I do not know what I did to deserve a friend like her.

When I got home, I put on a façade for my parents.

When I got home, I put on a façade for my parents. I walked in the door and saw my parents weren’t in the living room. I shrugged it off and trudged to my sanctuary that I call my room.

As I finished unpacking, my mom knocked on my door.

“Come in.” I said. I didn’t turn to face her, the smiled from the party wouldn’t leave my face, and the façade was broken immediately by the thought of Aaron.

“So, how was Ashley’s?” she asked casually. Sometimes I didn’t know if she really cared or if she was snooping. I shrugged that off too.

“Good. We swam for a bit and ate S’mores,” well that and I had the most

amazing

night with Aaron, the boy who loves me.

I kept my thoughts to myself.

Some part of me knew that my Mother knew there was more but that she decided not to ask.

“Well that’s good, I’m glad you had fun.” My mom said after a moment of silence of my unpacking continued.

I didn’t say anymore, but she did. “Alright, well
come do your dishes.” And with that she closed my door.

And I’m back to my normal, boring life. At least I got one summer night to last me the entire 2 months of summer.

I smiled at the thought and it vanished as my mom yelled down the hallway, “Shawna! Dishes!”

I sighed, “Coming!”

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.07.2010

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