Patricia & Joe

She was walking with an empty look in her eyes, following the red gravel beneath her feet.
Nothing pierced her perception. Neither the broadleafed trees of a luscious green that lined
the park in the midst of London, nor the chatter of the passers-by. She didn't hear the barking
of the leashed dogs, that briskly dragged their owners behind them.
She didn't feel how the first rays of sunlight of the year warmingly caressed her skin.
The mobile phone in her pocket, that constantly tried to tell her something, didn't get through
to her. The ringing simply faded away.

HIV-positive. Why me? The diagnosis she got half an hour ago was like a slap in the face for her. Her soul still seemed numb from the pain it had left behind. All those weeks of hope and prayers that maybe she hadn't caught that gruesome infection were shattered in an instant. What would happen to her now?

Her doctor had assured her that she could grow old with the medicine available for HIV in this day and age. Nevertheless, her life seemed blemished and without value all of a sudden.
She would have to take loads of multi-colored pills to stay healthy. All those doctor's visits, all those precautions she had to take in her daily life to protect others from contracting the infection!

Tears began filling up her eyes and she had to rest on a pank bench nearby. The sun was burning down on her, but Patricia hung her head anyway, so that, as a positive side-effect, her hair could spend most welcome, soothing shade.
Those salty tears kept running down her cheeks, her hand was resting weakly on the bench beside her. The only thing she perceived were her feet below her, on the gravel walk, they seemed to dangle from her legs in a very discouraged manner.
A sad picture of herself, she sat there for quite some time. Some passers-by stopped for a second and asked themselves, what this young girl possibly could be afflicted with, but nobody dared to ask her.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, when suddenly another hand appeared beside hers. Half interested, half distracted, she examined what grazed her field of vision.
It was the hand of a man, there was no doubt. Missing age spots and wrinkles suggested it was a young man. What must he think of her, sitting here like this? But that thought didn't alter her stance, she felt indifferent to everything right now.
All of a sudden a very pleasant voice reached her right ear.
"What a beautiful day this is, isn't it?"
She gave no answer.
It was silent again.

All of a sudden, the bench was jolting and a gaunt and pale, yet very nice looking young man came kneeling before her. He gazed straight into her teary eyes.
He finally suceeded. He had her whole attention.
"My name is Joseph. But my friends call me Joe."
"Patricia.", she mumbled under exertion.
"I'm very pleased to meet you, Patricia!", the boy, who was yet a stranger, said, following it with a dazzling smile.
"Come, let me show you something!"
Normally, the girl would have reacted to such intrusive advances with wholehearted refusal, but this time, she couldn't. And didn't even know why.
Was it her emotional distress or did she actually crave for some distraction?
Or was this "Joe" just overwhelmingly persuasive?
She couldn't make up her mind about it, but she picked herself up nonetheless and followed him.
He marched straight up to the fountain in the midst of the park.
"Look, the glistening of the surface of the water reflecting the sunlight when hit by the fountain. Isn't that marvelous? All those tiny, sparkling freckles of light that seem to be dancing deliriously under the beautiful sun."
He looked into the fountain engrossed in thought and Patricia asked herself if the poor boy maybe had lost his mind.
But she humored him and looked into the fountain.
He was right, but what did it all have to do with her? What moved him to believe that all of this could interest her?
"Listen, Joe, it's very nice of you to show me that, but I'm actually really not in the mood for a guided tour through nature." Said it and wiped away a tear that followed the others undeviatingly.
"You're obviously very distraught and I just wanted to distract you a little bit.", Joe remarked apologetically.
"Yes, I'm devastated, but I wouldn't know how the sun sparkling on water could change the fact that I'm HIV-positive!!" As soon as she had blurted out the truth in that gruff manner, she was appalled by it.
To look into Joe's concerned face didn't help the matter.
'Why do I confess something like this to a complete stranger? And in such a harsh tone nonetheless?', Patricia thought, very ashamed of herself. It was definitely not her day!
"I'm sorry, I'm obviously no good company today, Joe!", she turned away to leave.
"Wait!", the young man shouted insistently.
"You have this horrible diagnosis and I'm so very sorry! But I can't bear to see you this heartbroken on such a beautiful day! Please, allow me to show you around a little bit. I think I will be able to distract you somewhat. Unless you have something else to do, of course!"
Patricia thought about it. What she still had to do? Give her mom the bad news, too.
She sighed. "So what! Show me around a little, if you can't help it!" Patricia wasn't sure anymore if her acceptance couldn't actually be attributed to the fact that Joe was very attractive.

"Ah, ah, ah! Please step carefully, you nearly hit the ants down there! I think it's fascinating how such little creatures can dig an aisle through gravel ten times their size just by running back and forth diligently!"
Patricia followed Joe's example and hunkered down.
"You're absolutely right, they created a path between the red pebble stones", she assented with a crooked smile.
She didn't quite understand his near obsession with such trivial things. But he managed to take her mind off of her sorrows. That was what she wanted to engage in. And maybe find out why he behaved this way.
They moved along and suddenly, Joe had an idea. "Wouldn't you also want to take off your shoes and socks right now and walk over the grass?", he asked with a smirk.
He didn't even wait for her answer and was already concerned with his shoe laces.

That unique feeling beneath her feet was worth the effort. To be able to feel the tickling grass, whereas otherwise she only would have perceived tactile monotony. She felt the sun upon her skin and the gentle breeze caressing her face. On a whim she tickled Joe's side and ran away with a laugh. He tried to keep up with her, but he couldn't. Heavily out of breath he let himself drop under a massive oak tree. When she realized that Joe wasn't after her anymore, she traced back her steps, finally finding him, gasping exhausted underneath a broad-leafed tree.
'Wow, he's completely out of shape!', she thought by herself as she placed herself beside him. They lay there, side by side, looking up into the oak's crown. Rays of sunlight were breaking through the leaves here and there, drawing little, dancing spots on their bodies.
Joe started: "Do you see how the light...", "breaks its way through the branches?", Patricia finished his sentence with a smirk on her lips.
"I'm not a moron after all and still somewhat adaptive!"
"Thank goodness, I started thinking you were a lost cause!"
"For me, the most beautiful thing about spring is the chirping birds.", Joe whispered.
Patricia noticed the relaxed undertone in his voice and looked at him.
He had closed his eyes and listened to the lively chanting.
She followed suit. In the tree's crown she heard the flutter of their wings. An initially more distant chirp could now be caught right above them. Chatter from far away was reaching her ears and from the nearby gravel walk sounded suddenly a bell-like children's laughter.
It seemed so unburdened that Patricia smiled involuntarily.
An inner peace slowly got a hold of her, as if all sorrow was lifted from her mind.

After a short while, both of them strolled, once again in shoes, on the red gravel leading to the bench where they first met. They sat there in silence for a brief moment.
Patricia noticed an elderly couple that had taken a seat at the bench across the fountain, holding each other in their arms, obviously in love as on the day they met. Absolutely oblivious to their surroundings.
As she called Joe's attention to it, he tried to smile but simply couldn't. Instead there was a tremendous melancholy showing on his face.
"Did I say something wrong?", a slightly embarrassed Patricia queried.
Instead of an answer, Joe asked elusively: "Do you want to get some coffee with me?"
"Um... Yes, why not?" She was upset about her inability to further inquire those feelings she evoked in him.
Maybe she would have a chance to do so again at the coffee shop?

After a short walk they arrived at Joe's favorite coffee shop.
Patricia ordered a white coffee as usual and Joe the black one, without sugar.
She then found it quite strange that he squinched up his face in disgust and subsequently choked on the hot beverage leading to a huge coughing fit.
"You seem like you never tasted black coffee before!", the young woman remarked with a hint of derision. As the coughing slowly subsided, the taunted replied: "Actually, I didn't. But today, I just wanted to try it out. Usually I drink my coffee white."
Eventhough she asked herself if he just simply didn't order the same thing out of embarrassment, she didn't broach the subject any further.
They talked about her job, the residential market in London and about some other common places. When she tried to direct the conversation towards his family, Joe became conspicuously monosyllabic. Later on, as she just had talked about her ex-boyfriend and moved on to ask questions about his love life, he completely stonewalled her, but in a clumsy manner.
"Very well, he doesn't want to talk about it, so I won't push him!", Patricia thought to herself, nonetheless upset.
She was angry about the fact, that she shared her innermost thoughts with him and he on the other hand evaded those same subjects.
After finishing her coffee and paying for it, Patricia was in a hurry to get home. Her mother awaited a very important call from her only daughter.
"I thank you for this interesting afternoon! I really enjoyed searching for oblivion with you. But I have to go now, my mom is waiting!", she mumbled while standing up hastily, grabbing her light coat and her purse and nearly tipping over the cane chair behind her.
The tense smile she tried to force upon her face seemed not to be too persuasive.
Joe was a bit disapponted. With a skeptical look he responded:
"Why don't I believe you, that you had fun today, please enlighten me?"
Should she tell him the truth, that she was annoyed with him keeping so many secrets, while posing as a psychotherapist to herself?
She decided to let it go, reassured him that she had a fun time and turned away to leave. He would swallow this half-truth eventually.
"If you don't mind, I would like to do this again some time!", Joe complemented swiftly.
He hoped imploringly that he made at least a little impression on her.
Because he couldn't see it, she rolled her eyes at his relentlessness, being half amused and half annoyed by his antics. But what could it hurt to distract herself with someone that cringed at the thought of relationships, even more so since she first would have to learn to handle her infection responsibly?
"Alright, listen. I'll give you my phone number and you can call me anytime if you feel like having a walk in the park, okay?"
The huge smile on his face showed how big a favor she was doing him.

For two weeks she didn't hear from Joe. 'Taken in by a poser, as always! Oh so many words - nothing but hot air!', Patricia thought with disappointment. 'So what! This one won't ruin my mood, not him!'
When she didn't even count on him calling anymore, her smartphone rang. With a swift glance at the number Patricia knew that had to be Joe, because she didn't recognize the number. She would give him another chance, then.
"Joe? Is this you?"
"Hello! No, this is his mother speaking, are you Patricia?"
"Yes, that's me. Did something happen to Joe?", she was worried. His mother calling couldn't mean anything good.
"Joe... Joe asked me, if I could apologize for him with you. He would have loved to take a walk in the park with you again. But shortly after your encounter at the park he diminished very suddenly. I had to take him to the hospital. Laying there, his only thought was to meet you again.", her voice was trembling and Patricia knew she was struggling against tears.
"I don't understand, what happened to Joe?" All of a sudden, her concern made her impatient.
"Joe was terminally ill with leukemia. Right before meeting you, he had been discharged from the hospital, to spend some few, last days with his loved ones. I couldn't keep him from going to the park that day, he seemed so full of energy and was adamant to enjoy the beautiful weather. So I let him go." She paused and gasped for air. When she spoke again, her voice was tear-choked.
"Joe died two days ago. But until his last breath he cherished this wonderful day at the park, by your side."
Patricia was devastated. She had thought he'd simply forgotten her and therefore didn't call.
She was ashamed of her inept accusations. Now everything made sense that had left her puzzled about him that day: his frail body, his worrisome fitness and the evasion of private topics.
The elderly, happy couple... She wronged him in so many ways!
Her shame was too much for her, the tears began running without restraint.
"Patricia, my son asked me to give you a message and thus trusted me with your phone number. He didn't want to call you himself because of the state he was in.
His message reads:

Hello dearest Patricia!
I thank you with all my heart that you opened up to me on our encounter at the park! I know not everybody would have done that. But it assured me that there is still hope for you. Don't let this diagnosis get to you, but instead, be more open-minded taking on the challenges of this life. Embrace even the smallest wonders coming your way, fill up your heart with the fascination about every little detail that comes into your focus. Dare to live up to your potential, don't be afraid! Especially what concerns relationships. Those invaluable moments that you share with another person can't be taken away by anyone or anything. Live every day knowing about the incredible gifts that could await you if you're just mindful enough. Don't be said about what happened to me. It had to be like this and for myself, I made the best of it. I'm so glad I found you! You made those last moments of my life unforgettable! And now I only have one request left:

Live, Patricia! Live for us both!"

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 26.09.2015

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