Insecure

Will I ever be good enough?
Will I ever succeed?
I know I shouldn't rely on everyone else,
To find the value of me.
I think of who I wish I was.
I think of who I am now.
I feel me pushing me over an edge,
As I walk out walk out of the crowd.
How can I fit in?
Was there something I missed?
I just can't get over it.
Because I'm insecure.
I wanna run away.
I wanna scream.
Why can't I leave myself alone?
Can I find the way out?
Can I ever win?
I know I shouldn't depend on the trophies,
To feel like I fit in.
I talked it over with myself,
We both couldn't agree.
The cliff starts to crumble.
We're falling to a place called crazy.
It's a long way down,
As I try not to frown,
Where can I go now?
I'm too insecure.
I wanna run away.
I wanna scream.
Why can't I leave myself alone?
Gotta keep it unknown,
Gotta keep with the flow,
People are starting to stare.
Attention isn't my friend,
I can't reach the end,
Because my fears await me there.
What can the world see?
Can they see I went crazy?
Why can't I leave myself alone?
Insecure....
I run away....
Gonna scream....
Leave me alone....
I'm insecure.
I wanna run away.
I wanna scream.
Get out of my head.
The bell rings,
People walk on by.
Back to class I go.
Insecurities hide.
But they still haunt me..

Knotted

Lately I felt shut out by you.
Lately it's been a bumpy road for us two.
You're talkin' to her all the time,
Leavin' me there, just standin' by.
Scratch that, you left me behind,
Leavin' all the hurt stuck in my mind.
I gave up on you.
Cause you gave up on me.
Maybe one time it felt right,
Maybe it was never meant to be.
We were like two strings,
Knotted together.
The knot's gotta come out sometime,
Can't stay this forever.
Now I am searching through my friend,
Finding someone closer when we reach an end.
I'm talkin' to her all the time,
Leavin' you there, just standin' by.
Scratch that, we left you behind.
So why am I still hurting inside?
I gave up on you.
Cause you gave up on me.
Maybe one time it felt right,
Maybe it was never meant to be.
We were like two strings,
Knotted together.
The knot's gotta come out sometime,
Can't stay this forever.
But you came up to me,
And said “I'm sorry.”
I may have another bestie after this,
But lately I've been missing,
All the fun we've had together,
I promise I'll make it better.
You were because
I gave back to you
Cause you gave back to me,
Maybe one time it was shaky,
Maybe it was always meant to be.
We were like two strings,
Knotted together,
The knot's gotta come out sometime,
But we'll always be best friends forever.

It speaks

They sits there, calling out to me.
It begs, please don't leave me behind.
Alluring bliss awaits me,
All i have to do is reach for it.

It speaks.
Speak again, oh wise one,
Take me away to bliss for just one moment.

It jumps out, catching my eye.
Desperation leaks from it.
It must satisfy someone, I've become the target.

Oh wise one, speak again.
A golden voice is awaken.

They reach it across and hand it back to me.
It's mine

thought I, Just wait.

Here is your items, ma'am, they say.
I'm walking away, almost there.

In the car, i open my new little friend.

Chocolate.

 

 

MockingJay: Hanging Tree

*Note: I don't claim ownership of this lovely song. This is the works of Suzanne Collins, author the the Hunger Games series.

Are you, are you
Coming to the tree?
Where they strung up a man,
they say murdered three.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight,
In the hanging tree

Are you, are you
Coming to the tree?
Where the dead man called out,
For his love to flee.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight,
In the hanging tree

Are you, are you
Coming to the tree?
Where i told you to run,
So we'd both be free.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight,
In the hanging tree

Are you, are you
Coming to the tree?
wear a necklace of rope,
Side by side with me.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight,
In the hanging tree

Pretty

When i look in the mirror
A tall, slender girl stares back at me
With her big blue eyes and long dark lashes
Her long straight dirty blonde hair is so pretty
With her straight bright smile and smooth full lips
Her cute button nose and high cheekbones
Her strong round face and smooth bronzed skin
Oh i wish i could call it all my own

Demons

There's a demon inside of

All of us. SOme people

Call them a psychopath, some

Call it pure evil.

But i know it's

A demon, whom

Is repelled by holy water,

Hallowed ground, a crucifix.

The demon inside shudders

In their presence, a

Chill i feel in my

Very soul. I'm sorry

Jesus Christ, how

I love thee

But there's a demon

Inside of me. 

Drowning

I fight to keep my head above

The waves of though crashing around me.

I fight to keep strong,

To not let the world see.

I scratch and claw with wandering hands,

Trying to find something to hold.

I cough and sputter from the water,

Raspy shallow breaths quickly make it known

 

That there's something wrong.

Thank God no one can see

I'm stuck in a rising flood. 

 

On the outside, my hair began to grow out

What seemed like years ago,

So no one could see when my eyes would water

And the tears that nearly flowed.

Now i just swallow my fears

And blink the tears away.

Tell myself "crying is weak"

And push my problems away.

Every time I find myself an island

To finally relax and make a home upon, 

The waves rise higher and higher,

Pushing me from where i though i belonged.

Where's my line?

 I hide behind giggles and smiles,

But there's nothing really there.

I fake the laughs, the fun,

But it doesn't get me anywhere.

It doesn't last that long,

So catch it when you can.

'Cause one day it'll be gone

And never heard from again.

 

I cast a line, hoping to get a bite.

All i get is a nibble, instead of the line pulled tight.

You lead me on and pull me in. 

Where's my line when i need it sent?

Jack of All Trades

 I can tell you about cell membranes,

But i don't know the details.

I know about the short-term 

Causes of World War II, but i can't 

Remember their names or dates.

I can tell that water Is the universal solvent,

But i can't explain exactly how it works.

I know how to play an instrument,

And how to learn a few more,

But i can't tune a damn major chord.

By God, i can find the slope of a curve.

If I'm lucky.

Now i'm trying to write poetry,

But it isn't like Seamus Heaney's.

 

I know the tricks of each trade,

An overview of each lass.

But an expert? Please..

I just want to pass.

It's not that i'm stupid,

I'm acutally quite smart.

But a jack of all trades

Know only a handful of each art.

Not one day

 Not one day had gone by

Where i didn't stare at my knife.

It's sharp teeth a sad comfort,

A quick way to leave this earth.

But those teeth never bit too hard,

Only enough to leave some scars.

I'm still alive, my heart beats srong.

Not one day goes by that i wonder if i was wrong.

Black soul

 Black eyes. Black soul.

Haunting the in thy sleep.

Awaken thee with the stench

Of an unclensed soul. However,

Over thine unclensed soul

Be a sheet of white.

Thy pale form approaching

Be not whom it appears to be.

Simple Rhyme

 There's a darkness that surround me,

A newfound hatred that i can't see.

It swallows down the sunlight

That used to shine so bright.

 

It may be a simple rhyme,

That took so little of my time,

But there's nothing better i can do

In the darkness that i can't see through.

Jared, Misha, Jensen.

 Deep, amber eyes brun through

Mine. My soul is heating,

The pressure melting black

Into precious diamonds.

I am not worth it.

I look away and find

Myself looking into a sea

Of blue. They swallow me

Whole, surrounding and

Clensing my soul.

I'm drowning.

I look away again, finding 

Another sea, a sea of green.

Those emerald eyes bore through me,

Shining bright inside of me.

I hate what i see.

I look down at my hands

In my lap. "Leave me alone,"

I tell each one, yet

Their eyes still graze over 

Me, searching. "Please don't do 

This to yourself, sweetheart."

I snap. 

I ran away from them.

They're too amazing, too perfect,

Too beautiful for me

I am not worth it.

I'm drowning.

I hate what i see.

I look into my carbon soul,

Dirty, disgusting soul,

And find that i can't see.

I cry.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 25.08.2012

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Widmung:
I dedicate this to my friends and family, whom have helped me with (or caused) the emotions i faced in order to write these works.